groomsman not giving wedding present?

corriefan

hi everyone, just looking on some opinions. what do you think of a groomsman (grooms brother) not giving a wedding present or even a card?

r3nu4l

Perhaps he has reasons you are unaware of? Don't judge until you know for sure!

Rockery Woman

Hi!

How long ago was the wedding? I remember getting presents from people 5 or 6 months after we got married, sometimes people can be very late giving wedding gifts.

If the wedding was recently, theres a chance he might not have gotten around getting something yet - he might just be badly organised!

Big Lar

Perhaps giving to each other is some thing that is not done in his family, I never bought any of my brothers presents and they did not buy for me.

weldoninhio

Is it not a given that you have a year to give a wedding gift?

corriefan

hi it is way longer than a year, and we were given the "we know we havent given you a present yet..." for a long time and nothing. i am also sure that a wedding present was given to another brother which was after our wedding

Bally8

Such a pity you are still fixated on this over a year after the wedding. In my opinion he should have give a present by now, long ago actually, but he hasnt for whatever reason. Try to let it go, its only a present after all.

Diddler1977

corriefan wrote: »

hi everyone, just looking on some opinions. what do you think of a groomsman (grooms brother) not giving a wedding present or even a card?

Did you enjoy your day? Did you enjoy sharing the day with your family, friends and groomsman? Was your groomsman happy to share the day with you?

Is a present going to change this?

bertsmom

Why do you think you should get a gift? Its expensive enough to go to a wedding besides having the bride always assume she deserves a present! you decided to marry his brother, ye had the wedding he obviously did ye the honour of playing a part in the day when asked. Hopefully ye are living happily ever. Frankly its none of your business what he did or did not give to any one else circumstances are different for every body.

Rockery Woman

Odd!

But perhaps he/they hoped you would forget about it - reminds me of an aunt I had who was always "going to get me a birthday present" when I was a kid but never did, and was "getting me a big present because she got me nothing last year..."

Years later, I realised they were really hard-up and probably couldnt afford to buy me anything - she should have never mentioned a present though!

I suppose all you can do is either put it behind you, dont take it personally - perhaps he had more cash to hand when the other family member got married, but never got round to getting you one - perhaps embarassment is preventing him from getting you a gift at this stage! Or you could be blunt and mention it to him....

corriefan

thanks for the replies, was just wondering and am not at all fixated about it bally8. i was always of the opinion that you give a present and have always done so especially for such a special occasion as a wedding but everyone has different opinions

SSFG

A friend at work just told me the other day she was clearing out wardrobes and found a present (wrapped and with a card!!) from 2 years ago that was meant to be for her cousin, but she had completely forgotten to give it to her, and she was a bridesmaid!! And now she is far too embarrassed to give it to hr cousin! I'm sure it was just an oversight!

kandr10

Love the wedding present debates - good thing since crops up so often!

nordine

I went to a cousins wedding a few years ago and totally forgot to give a present. I just assumed the other half was looking after it and vise versa. By the time we realised, a few weeks later, we were to embarrassed todo anything and just left it.

Prehaps he gave you a card and it was mislaid or stroked by someone.

magneticimpulse

I think its expecting alot to think you "deserve" a wedding gift from everybody!! Its very selfish too!!

Alot of my friends will be getting married this year and im dreading them asking me to do anything in the wedding as im not sure how much i have to contribute. None of us live in Ireland anymore, so involves, having to travel home via flights. I dont know the location yet and if its outside dublin...it will either mean a long drive home (and no drinking) or a very expensive hotel room for 1 person! On top of that im unemployed. The costs of just attending a wedding add up for each guest alone!!

Also I would never expect for any of my family to give me a gift. I know they have supported me throughout my life.

Some families are not huge into gifts...but show love in other ways. Other people are just really stuck for cash these days and trying to save every penny so that they might have a wedding themselves one day.

suzieled

magneticimpulse wrote: »

I think its expecting alot to think you "deserve" a wedding gift from everybody!! Its very selfish too!!

But this was a member of the wedding party! I find it bad on his part that he didnt even give a card. Its not like he didnt know he was going to be invited to the wedding, he was a groomsman so he would have known soon after the engagement.

The only thing I can think of is maybe he paid for the Stag party? Sometimes on hens and stags, the bridesmaid/groomsmen pick up a bit more of the tab, so the hen/stag doesnt pay anything, and that was his wedding present.

Also some people mentioned that they found wedding presents after a few weeks and didnt give them as they were embarrassed. I never give wedding presents on the day of the wedding,until at least a few weeks after the wedding for a number of reasons. In case money is robbed from the hotel, in case the home houses is targeted during a wedding (as most people now have house sitters on the day of weddings) and then when the couple get back from their honeymoon its nice to get a present/money.

RentDayBlues

Oh my god, some people are just ridiculous! Who cares if he was part of the wedding party or not! It makes no difference, if someone didn't give you a gift get over it! Its not like paying entry to a nightclub - going to a wedding does not mean you HAVE to give a gift. Be thankful for what you have and get over yourself

time4tea

I was under the impression that the groomsmen etc weren't expected to give a pressie.

I certainly didn't expect them from my bestman or groomsmen. Though I think they paid for their rooms... swings and roundabouts

tatli_lokma

he's a man...that explains quite a lot of the reason probably!

blokes often don't know the 'etiquitte' of weddings, or even gift giving. This could account for a lot.

Or as someone else said, he could have given a card and it got misplaced. We had a guest at our wedding give a card with money, and just wrote 'wishing you both every happiness'. It is only after some deduction that I think I know who it was from, and still I am not sure....

LizT

Maybe I'm looking at this in completely the wrong way - but he was a member of the wedding party. That means that he had to put some work into preparing and going to the wedding.

You should be grateful that he was there to celebrate and enjoy the day with you, that's all that matters after all!

I'd try to just forget about this if I were you. I agree it's bad form not to give so much as a card, but if you hold a grudge against him it could create serious problems. Take a step back from the situation and try to look at impartially. I'm sure you got loads of presents for you big day and really, how much difference will another one make?

Martina05

I'd let it go, girl. I was a bridesmaid for my sister & was made redundant before the wedding so literally couldn't afford to give her money. I think she's still annoyed at me a year later, she does make the odd comment about people who 'didn't cough up enough' but I did other things for her. I designed her invitations, wedding booklets, stationery & got a friend to print them for next to nothing. I'm still embarrassed though, & I bet he is too.....

Rockery Woman

Martina05 wrote: »

I'd let it go, girl. I was a bridesmaid for my sister & was made redundant before the wedding so literally couldn't afford to give her money. I think she's still annoyed at me a year later, she does make the odd comment about people who 'didn't cough up enough' but I did other things for her. I designed her invitations, wedding booklets, stationery & got a friend to print them for next to nothing. I'm still embarrassed though, & I bet he is too.....

Hi Martina,

I often got the impression that some people feel weddings are a way to make money and people are expected to pay for the priviledge of being a guest:eek:.

One girl I know who got married in July told people she wanted only money as gifts - I thought that was kinda cheeky of her. I bought a gift for her, delivered it to her house several weeks after the wedding. She wasnt at home when I brought it so I gave it to her husband and legged it!

I didnt even want to go to that wedding, I dont know her very well (she is a friend of my sister) Im not particularly fond of her and would have been happy with an evening invitation or no invite at all!

Anyway to cut a long story short, she didnt make much money from the big day. She got 8 irons! a lot of crockery, bedside lamps and bed linen - after all you could probably buy a gift for E60 or so, but would be expected to give E150 or over for a cash gift:eek: when you add that to the cost of new clothes, hairdos, drinks in the hotel - overnight stay in some cases etc the wedding invitation is like getting a double ESB bill!

SSFG

Rockery Woman wrote: »

Hi Martina,

I often got the impression that some people feel weddings are a way to make money and people are expected to pay for the priviledge of being a guest:eek:.


I didnt even want to go to that wedding, I dont know her very well (she is a friend of my sister) Im not particularly fond of her and would have been happy with an evening invitation or no invite at all!

Don't really understand why people go to weddings if they don't want to go, then moan about the cost of it...just say no???
The people I am inviting are people I want to have there, not people I expect presents and/or money from, I would rather they said no if they felt it was too costly.

starbelgrade

Getting a wedding invite is like getting an invoice. They should come in windowed envelopes.

SSFG

starbelgrade wrote: »

Getting a wedding invite is like getting an invoice. They should come in windowed envelopes.

The difference being...you can say NO to a wedding invite!!!

solerina

starbelgrade wrote: »

Getting a wedding invite is like getting an invoice. They should come in windowed envelopes.

I totally agree...I have been to about 20 weddings in the past 5 years and feel that there is no option other than to give money as a gift (100-150 seems to be the norm in my group)...I usually go alone as I refuse to bring someone when I am not in a couple....I dont think anyone should go to a wedding and not bring a gift/money...no matter if its a family wedding or not, so I think the OP is justified in asking...even though a lot of posters here seem to disagree and are telling her to get over it I think she is right to be a bit annoyed.

starbelgrade

SSFG wrote: »

The difference being...you can say NO to a wedding invite!!!

You'd have to have a very good excuse for that!

2 years ago, I'd an onslaught of weddings.. 9 of them in total over the summer, two of the abroad. Cost a bloody fortune - not helped at all by the fact that I drunkenly wrote off two suits in the process!

Up-n-atom!

I do think it's bad form, but maybe there is a reason. Friend of mine got married last summer, it was a really big wedding thanks to her family insisting that everyone got invited, but there was quite a lot of people who didn't give her anything. I thought that was kinda bad - I was unemployed at the time and made sure to give her a card and money. I have sympathy for people who get asked to loads of weddings in a short space of time, combined with the economic situation at the moment, it can't be easy. However, I do think some guests go overboard in what they spend on preparing for a wedding and then bitch about the cost - they get their hair, nails, make-up done, all of which can be done yourself if you can't afford it! It's not always possible but you can wear an outfit or accessories you have already, or try to borrow some things from a friend. Two of the girls at the wedding were wearing dresses from H&M and Penney's, and they looked just as well as the other guests.

SSFG

starbelgrade wrote: »

You'd have to have a very good excuse for that!

My cousin got married last year, she invited over 200 people and got 156 sitting at the meal, so I think people ARE saying no to weddings if they genuinely can't go, and I don't think you need an "excuse", if someone told me they couldn't come I wouldn't mind, its their choice.

Joeyjoejoe43

solerina wrote: »

I totally agree...I have been to about 20 weddings in the past 5 years and feel that there is no option other than to give money as a gift (100-150 seems to be the norm in my group)...I usually go alone as I refuse to bring someone when I am not in a couple....I dont think anyone should go to a wedding and not bring a gift/money...no matter if its a family wedding or not, so I think the OP is justified in asking...even though a lot of posters here seem to disagree and are telling her to get over it I think she is right to be a bit annoyed.

You hit the nail on the head there, if you go to a wedding as a couple say, the norm is to give 150-250 in a card, if your really skint then maybe 100. If you cant afford to go, RSVP that you cant make it. No offence now, but Im surprised by the stinginess of a lot of the posters above..

magneticimpulse

Joeyjoejoe43 wrote: »

You hit the nail on the head there, if you go to a wedding as a couple say, the norm is to give 150-250 in a card, if your really skint then maybe 100. If you cant afford to go, RSVP that you cant make it. No offence now, but Im surprised by the stinginess of a lot of the posters above..

Well if the dole gave abit more money...people might not be so "stingy" as you say. Times are hard these days. Not everyone can afford things. You might think they can...but honestly, there are people out there who put on a strong face, but are really skint.

Its a very personal topic expecting people to give cash, especially at the moment.

twowheelsonly

I'd be inclined to go with the family thing, in that a lot of brothers in particular don't give presents to each other. Girls tend to pay more heed. I'd nearly be willing to bet that the OPs' other half hasn't given half as much thought to this and certainly wouldn't be offended by it.

Certainly in my family, and many of my friends as well, brothers tend to go for the 'Oh ya, Happy Birthday thingy by the way' or 'Congratulations ya dope'.

I got married in 1987 and an extremely wealthy Uncle gave me £50. Three months later he gave my brother £60. I just laughed and called him a crawling f**ker. Mrs thought it was very strange!!!
Actually, thinking back now I can't remember what I gave any of my 3 brothers for their weddings, and I'm pretty sure they can't either.

Personally hese days I think that a wedding invitation is like a summons - except you'll have an idea what a summons is going to cost you.

Beruthiel

corriefan wrote: »

hi everyone, just looking on some opinions. what do you think of a groomsman (grooms brother) not giving a wedding present or even a card?

Did you invite people to your wedding because you care about them and wanted them to be there to help you celebrate your special day, or because they would give you a present?

time4tea

Joeyjoejoe43 wrote: »

You hit the nail on the head there, if you go to a wedding as a couple say, the norm is to give 150-250 in a card, if your really skint then maybe 100. If you cant afford to go, RSVP that you cant make it. No offence now, but Im surprised by the stinginess of a lot of the posters above..

I reckon a lot of people are missing point of the thread here.
It wasn't a guest who would be expected to give a Gift and as people have pointed out if you can't afford it you don't have to go.

However, it was a Groomsman and as part of the Wedding party are these not exempt from the whole gift thing?
I was under the impression due to them helping out with the wedding they generally don't give gifts.

Perhaps he was under the same impression OP?

Either way I wouldn't get too worked up about it.

I was quite annoyed at mine as 5/6 people rsvp'd and didn't turn up on the day so we ended up paying for their meals as it was too late to cancel. But you know it was a great day and our honeymoon was excellent so I soon forgot about it.

Best leave it all in the past I'd say (just 'forget' to get him one if he ever gets married )

Joeyjoejoe43

magneticimpulse wrote: »

Well if the dole gave abit more money...people might not be so "stingy" as you say. Times are hard these days. Not everyone can afford things. You might think they can...but honestly, there are people out there who put on a strong face, but are really skint.

Its a very personal topic expecting people to give cash, especially at the moment.

Sorry, didn't mean to offend anyone, the above relates to people who have jobs, if you are out of work, then the best thing to do is try and come up with a cheap and innovative present - something you put some time into, like a nice picture of the couple blown up and framed or if they have a house something like an "I owe you a day painting", plenty of ideas out there if you're skint too... I just think if you have a job, money is the safest way to go..

Joeyjoejoe43

time4tea wrote: »

I reckon a lot of people are missing point of the thread here.
It wasn't a guest who would be expected to give a Gift and as people have pointed out if you can't afford it you don't have to go.

However, it was a Groomsman and as part of the Wedding party are these not exempt from the whole gift thing?
I was under the impression due to them helping out with the wedding they generally don't give gifts.

Perhaps he was under the same impression OP?

Either way I wouldn't get too worked up about it.

I was quite annoyed at mine as 5/6 people rsvp'd and didn't turn up on the day so we ended up paying for their meals as it was too late to cancel. But you know it was a great day and our honeymoon was excellent so I soon forgot about it.

Best leave it all in the past I'd say (just 'forget' to get him one if he ever gets married )

You're right, we are straying from the OP's question. So, Op it depends on a couple of things. What age is the groomsman? Is he employed? Does he have a fairly well paying job? IMO he should have given something if he is working full time, but he didn't, so as other posters said forget about it and don't hold it against him, it's only money at the end of the day and I'm sure most of your other guests made up for it.

tatli_lokma

Joeyjoejoe43 wrote: »

Sorry, didn't mean to offend anyone, the above relates to people who have jobs, ... I just think if you have a job, money is the safest way to go..

I can see what you are saying, but just having a job doesn't mean you automatically can afford something more than a person on the dole.
I am down nearly €200 per month on my salary - this would normally be my 'pocket money', the sort of thing I would have to spend on gifts/socialising/weddings etc. I now don't have that luxury. So where I would normally be able to afford a €200 gift, I will now struggle to give anything near that. And a lot of people will be feeling this pain. So even if someone has a job, I wouldn't judge them for the monetary value of gift they give.

Joeyjoejoe43

Little Ted wrote: »

I can see what you are saying, but just having a job doesn't mean you automatically can afford something more than a person on the dole.
I am down nearly €200 per month on my salary - this would normally be my 'pocket money', the sort of thing I would have to spend on gifts/socialising/weddings etc. I now don't have that luxury. So where I would normally be able to afford a €200 gift, I will now struggle to give anything near that. And a lot of people will be feeling this pain. So even if someone has a job, I wouldn't judge them for the monetary value of gift they give.

Good point, just got my own pay slip, STUNG is not the word.. When I said €150 - €200, I meant for a couple. If its just yourself, €50 - 100 would be the average I suppose.

magneticimpulse

Joeyjoejoe43 wrote: »

Good point, just got my own pay slip, STUNG is not the word.. When I said €150 - €200, I meant for a couple. If its just yourself, €50 - 100 would be the average I suppose.

As alot of people pointed out, if the groomsman helped out with the day itself and maybe the stag do....then how can anyone be annoyed with that?

The OP did not specify whether he was working or not. But she did mention he had another wedding to go to...so I was just saying, that in todays situation or even 1 year ago...people have become more penny wise. Especially if you are of a certain age group.

Regardless if your not working (like me) or working, I think the effects are hitting everyone, like some posters above have pointed out.

Again, i am single...and feel guilty about going by myself, and giving 50 quid. So I think alot of comments about money was in relation per person so far (so i think thats why the above person thought it was not alot). However if I have a bit more cash at the times (depending how many weddings this year)...i hope to save and at least give 70 to my really close friends.

Then again, if I was asked to take part in the wedding. I think it would be only natural to organise the Hen/stag do and contribute towards that so they didnt have to contribute.

OP has not come back to verify if the groomsman helped out with stag do, cars....or other wedding things. So we can only speculate a number of reasons as to why he didnt pay.

All in all I think the bottom line is...if someone turns up to your wedding, they must care about you. For them not to give a card or gift, is an over sight and i dont think anyone should judge people based on that...as at the end of the day, you wont ever know the reason why unless you ask them directly. And whos going to do that right?

tatli_lokma

just to clarify, I wasn't saying €200 per person is a lot and confusing it with €200 per couple. For my wedding most couples gave between €75-150. Most gave in or around the €100. with the exception of one or two couples I didn't get anything near €200 per couple. And I don't think any less of the people who gave less or more of the people who gave more.

Two years on I am just happy to have shared such a great day with people I care about and who care about me. It was the first time in a long time that I would have got together with a lot of these people, and probably it will be a long time before we do it again (small family, we don't have weddings/21sts/christenings etc that often!). So spending time with them is my gift.

Now I know that might sound all hippy lovey dovey, but having lost close family members, the importance of having a happy day to celebrate with people I care about is huge to me. I want to spend time with good people in happy times, and not just when something bad happens. Its proof that I'm getting old when Weddings and funerals are the times you see people! :eek:

Heineken Helen

Joeyjoejoe43 wrote: »

You hit the nail on the head there, if you go to a wedding as a couple say, the norm is to give 150-250 in a card, if your really skint then maybe 100. If you cant afford to go, RSVP that you cant make it. No offence now, but Im surprised by the stinginess of a lot of the posters above..

I really would rather people just come and not give any gift than not come at all. I've even told people not to bother about gifts cos I know times are ridiculously tough for many of them at the mo. I would feel pretty crap if I thought they were struggling even more. I'd rather they just come and have a great night on us. We've budgeted for them anyway and we will have paid for them. Anything we get on the night is a bonus... not obligatory!

corriefan

Beruthiel wrote: »

Did you invite people to your wedding because you care about them and wanted them to be there to help you celebrate your special day, or because they would give you a present?

Hi everyone, havent been on in a while. I DID NOT ask people to my wedding because of presents, and my original post concerned the principle not the material aspect of a gift.
I associate a gift with special thought and consideration from your family or friends (as I certainly did not ask anyone outside of either group) for your special day. It has nothing to do with how much it cost, what was given etc, for example we received a handmade picture as a present and it was hugely appreciated and we will never forget it.
I have never and would never attend a wedding without giving a gift and a card, and I know of many friends and family of mine who feel the same. I was just looking for general opinions and am surprised at how many do not consider it necessary and look on my OP automatically as me being selfish and materialistic which I can assure you I am not.

magneticimpulse

Little Ted wrote: »

I can see what you are saying, but just having a job doesn't mean you automatically can afford something more than a person on the dole.
I am down nearly €200 per month on my salary - this would normally be my 'pocket money', the sort of thing I would have to spend on gifts/socialising/weddings etc. I now don't have that luxury. So where I would normally be able to afford a €200 gift, I will now struggle to give anything near that. And a lot of people will be feeling this pain. So even if someone has a job, I wouldn't judge them for the monetary value of gift they give.

did you only have couples at your wedding? OMG im so stressed about going to weddings alone this year if no single people go. OMG please tell you had single people at your wedding? I brought my brother last year...but i mean he left after dinner and i felt bad because my parents paid the couple for them and us...that was like €400 out of my dads pocket.

Surely not everybody going to weddings these days are hooked up already?

Honey-ec

magneticimpulse wrote: »

Well if the dole gave abit more money...people might not be so "stingy" as you say.

Ah, so it's the dole's fault...

magneticimpulse wrote: »

As alot of people pointed out, if the groomsman helped out with the day itself and maybe the stag do....then how can anyone be annoyed with that?

Just for pig-iron, my OH's best man (his brother) didn't get us a present. He didn't organise the stag, we paid for his room the night of the wedding and the night after, then at the reception he decided he wasn't going to do his speech as it wasn't "good enough".

But hey, he was part of the wedding party, so all his hard work clearly contributed enough to exempt him from giving a gift, right???

If you accept a wedding invitation, you give a gift, simple as. It doesn't matter if it's only a photo frame, it's just manners.

magneticimpulse

Honey-ec wrote: »

Ah, so it's the dole's fault...



Just for pig-iron, my OH's best man (his brother) didn't get us a present. He didn't organise the stag, we paid for his room the night of the wedding and the night after, then at the reception he decided he wasn't going to do his speech as it wasn't "good enough".

But hey, he was part of the wedding party, so all his hard work clearly contributed enough to exempt him from giving a gift, right???

If you accept a wedding invitation, you give a gift, simple as. It doesn't matter if it's only a photo frame, it's just manners.

Yes I think you have way too many expectations. Just because its your wedding day...and you are really precise and planning everything, doesnt mean everybody else is on the same page.

Just because a wedding couple have enough money to buy engagement rings, and plan the whole wedding day and then the honeymoon...doesnt mean everybody else in society is at the same level of you. Especially family.

From this thread you obviously cannot please anybody. Because apparently there is a "minimum" you must give as a gift....it must be €100 per person blah blah...you just cannot win here.

I dont blame people for not giving gifts or money because it seems like no matter how little they give...it be looked down upon. What if I just want to go to the Wedding day to share that special day with family and friends I have known for years?

Its not the guests fault if you decide a really expensive hotel, or expensive meal. That is your fault and you cannot expect people to "pay" for this stuff because of your expectations that everybody has the same amount of cash as you.

And so what if he didnt want to do a Speech...its no big deal. Why force someone to do something they dont want to do?? Would you rather that they be really unhappy at your Wedding? Maybe he felt bad that "you" paid for his room. Its so funny how this is alway's the OH's problems and I have not seen any disgusted Bride's by their own bridesmaid side.

You say just dont go to the Wedding if you cannot afford a gift?? Well then maybe the OH's brother just should have said...hang on, I cannot afford it so I am not going then? You hardly dont expect that the brother of your husband is not going to go because he cannot afford hotel room or gifts?

badboyblast

Honey-ec wrote: »

Ah, so it's the dole's fault...



Just for pig-iron, my OH's best man (his brother) didn't get us a present. He didn't organise the stag, we paid for his room the night of the wedding and the night after, then at the reception he decided he wasn't going to do his speech as it wasn't "good enough".

But hey, he was part of the wedding party, so all his hard work clearly contributed enough to exempt him from giving a gift, right???

If you accept a wedding invitation, you give a gift, simple as. It doesn't matter if it's only a photo frame, it's just manners.

Well said Honey, when normal people are invited to a wedding they give a gift and a card, I could`nt imagine any normal people showing up to a wedding without a gift.

Also some of the posters on here are really strange thinking they could go to a wedding and not expect to give a gift......

People getting married don`t expect money but they expect manners and its the thought that counts.

magneticimpulse

badboyblast wrote: »

Well said Honey, when normal people are invited to a wedding they give a gift and a card, I could`nt imagine any normal people showing up to a wedding without a gift.

Also some of the posters on here are really strange thinking they could go to a wedding and not expect to give a gift......

People getting married don`t expect money but they expect manners and its the thought that counts.

Yes but the point is with relatives!! They cant exactly say,sorry brother ive something else on that day and cant go.

Also in alot of famlies, the parents give a lump sum of money (which includes money from siblings)....so maybe the Husbands parents gave the couples lots of money which was a gift from all of the family...usually thats the common thing to do anyway.

tinkerbell

badboyblast wrote: »

Well said Honey, when normal people are invited to a wedding they give a gift and a card, I could`nt imagine any normal people showing up to a wedding without a gift.

Also some of the posters on here are really strange thinking they could go to a wedding and not expect to give a gift......

People getting married don`t expect money but they expect manners and its the thought that counts.

You go to a wedding because you want to share in someone's special day, not because you are EXPECTED to give a gift. You said in your post that the bride and groom "expect manners" to get a gift. That is not "manners". It is highly rude of the b&g to just expect to get a gift. If a b&g really cared about their guests and wanted them there to celebrate with them, then all they would care about would be the presence of their guests, and if they got a present, it would be a bonus. Not the other way around.

I have no problem with people giving presents or not giving presents for whatever reason, it is up to that individual person. All this "manners" rubbish is just people thinking that they are entitled to get a gift no matter what.

amdublin

tinkerbell wrote: »

You go to a wedding because you want to share in someone's special day, not because you are EXPECTED to give a gift. You said in your post that the bride and groom "expect manners" to get a gift. That is not "manners". It is highly rude of the b&g to just expect to get a gift. If a b&g really cared about their guests and wanted them there to celebrate with them, then all they would care about would be the presence of their guests, and if they got a present, it would be a bonus. Not the other way around.

I have no problem with people giving presents or not giving presents for whatever reason, it is up to that individual person. All this "manners" rubbish is just people thinking that they are entitled to get a gift no matter what.

Well said!

Cannot agree more tink.

byhookorbycrook

Ok, the word is "GUEST"-i.e someone who doesn't pay...If i had a guest in my home, I'd not charge them for their dinner. Expecting a present is the same as charging a fee.

Honey-ec

tinkerbell wrote: »

All this "manners" rubbish is just people thinking that they are entitled to get a gift no matter what.

It's manners to at least give a card, whether accompanied by a gift or not And expecting that is not snobbish or having a sense of entitlement, it's just good manners.

To me, it's not about the gift, it's acknowledging the fact that a couple have invited you to share an extremely special occasion in their life. If you can't afford a gift, fine; most couples would rather you were there to share it than didn't turn up at all. However, I stand by my opinion that it's in extremely poor taste to turn up without so much as a card. I wouldn't turn up to dinner in someone's house with one arm as long as the other, but maybe that's just the way I was brought up.