groomsman not giving wedding present?

corriefan

hi everyone, just looking on some opinions. what do you think of a groomsman (grooms brother) not giving a wedding present or even a card?

r3nu4l

Perhaps he has reasons you are unaware of? Don't judge until you know for sure!

Rockery Woman

Hi!

How long ago was the wedding? I remember getting presents from people 5 or 6 months after we got married, sometimes people can be very late giving wedding gifts.

If the wedding was recently, theres a chance he might not have gotten around getting something yet - he might just be badly organised!

Big Lar

Perhaps giving to each other is some thing that is not done in his family, I never bought any of my brothers presents and they did not buy for me.

weldoninhio

Is it not a given that you have a year to give a wedding gift?

corriefan

hi it is way longer than a year, and we were given the "we know we havent given you a present yet..." for a long time and nothing. i am also sure that a wedding present was given to another brother which was after our wedding

Bally8

Such a pity you are still fixated on this over a year after the wedding. In my opinion he should have give a present by now, long ago actually, but he hasnt for whatever reason. Try to let it go, its only a present after all.

Diddler1977

corriefan wrote: »

hi everyone, just looking on some opinions. what do you think of a groomsman (grooms brother) not giving a wedding present or even a card?

Did you enjoy your day? Did you enjoy sharing the day with your family, friends and groomsman? Was your groomsman happy to share the day with you?

Is a present going to change this?

bertsmom

Why do you think you should get a gift? Its expensive enough to go to a wedding besides having the bride always assume she deserves a present! you decided to marry his brother, ye had the wedding he obviously did ye the honour of playing a part in the day when asked. Hopefully ye are living happily ever. Frankly its none of your business what he did or did not give to any one else circumstances are different for every body.

Rockery Woman

Odd!

But perhaps he/they hoped you would forget about it - reminds me of an aunt I had who was always "going to get me a birthday present" when I was a kid but never did, and was "getting me a big present because she got me nothing last year..."

Years later, I realised they were really hard-up and probably couldnt afford to buy me anything - she should have never mentioned a present though!

I suppose all you can do is either put it behind you, dont take it personally - perhaps he had more cash to hand when the other family member got married, but never got round to getting you one - perhaps embarassment is preventing him from getting you a gift at this stage! Or you could be blunt and mention it to him....

corriefan

thanks for the replies, was just wondering and am not at all fixated about it bally8. i was always of the opinion that you give a present and have always done so especially for such a special occasion as a wedding but everyone has different opinions

SSFG

A friend at work just told me the other day she was clearing out wardrobes and found a present (wrapped and with a card!!) from 2 years ago that was meant to be for her cousin, but she had completely forgotten to give it to her, and she was a bridesmaid!! And now she is far too embarrassed to give it to hr cousin! I'm sure it was just an oversight!

kandr10

Love the wedding present debates - good thing since crops up so often!

nordine

I went to a cousins wedding a few years ago and totally forgot to give a present. I just assumed the other half was looking after it and vise versa. By the time we realised, a few weeks later, we were to embarrassed todo anything and just left it.

Prehaps he gave you a card and it was mislaid or stroked by someone.

magneticimpulse

I think its expecting alot to think you "deserve" a wedding gift from everybody!! Its very selfish too!!

Alot of my friends will be getting married this year and im dreading them asking me to do anything in the wedding as im not sure how much i have to contribute. None of us live in Ireland anymore, so involves, having to travel home via flights. I dont know the location yet and if its outside dublin...it will either mean a long drive home (and no drinking) or a very expensive hotel room for 1 person! On top of that im unemployed. The costs of just attending a wedding add up for each guest alone!!

Also I would never expect for any of my family to give me a gift. I know they have supported me throughout my life.

Some families are not huge into gifts...but show love in other ways. Other people are just really stuck for cash these days and trying to save every penny so that they might have a wedding themselves one day.

suzieled

magneticimpulse wrote: »

I think its expecting alot to think you "deserve" a wedding gift from everybody!! Its very selfish too!!

But this was a member of the wedding party! I find it bad on his part that he didnt even give a card. Its not like he didnt know he was going to be invited to the wedding, he was a groomsman so he would have known soon after the engagement.

The only thing I can think of is maybe he paid for the Stag party? Sometimes on hens and stags, the bridesmaid/groomsmen pick up a bit more of the tab, so the hen/stag doesnt pay anything, and that was his wedding present.

Also some people mentioned that they found wedding presents after a few weeks and didnt give them as they were embarrassed. I never give wedding presents on the day of the wedding,until at least a few weeks after the wedding for a number of reasons. In case money is robbed from the hotel, in case the home houses is targeted during a wedding (as most people now have house sitters on the day of weddings) and then when the couple get back from their honeymoon its nice to get a present/money.

RentDayBlues

Oh my god, some people are just ridiculous! Who cares if he was part of the wedding party or not! It makes no difference, if someone didn't give you a gift get over it! Its not like paying entry to a nightclub - going to a wedding does not mean you HAVE to give a gift. Be thankful for what you have and get over yourself

time4tea

I was under the impression that the groomsmen etc weren't expected to give a pressie.

I certainly didn't expect them from my bestman or groomsmen. Though I think they paid for their rooms... swings and roundabouts

tatli_lokma

he's a man...that explains quite a lot of the reason probably!

blokes often don't know the 'etiquitte' of weddings, or even gift giving. This could account for a lot.

Or as someone else said, he could have given a card and it got misplaced. We had a guest at our wedding give a card with money, and just wrote 'wishing you both every happiness'. It is only after some deduction that I think I know who it was from, and still I am not sure....

LizT

Maybe I'm looking at this in completely the wrong way - but he was a member of the wedding party. That means that he had to put some work into preparing and going to the wedding.

You should be grateful that he was there to celebrate and enjoy the day with you, that's all that matters after all!

I'd try to just forget about this if I were you. I agree it's bad form not to give so much as a card, but if you hold a grudge against him it could create serious problems. Take a step back from the situation and try to look at impartially. I'm sure you got loads of presents for you big day and really, how much difference will another one make?

Martina05

I'd let it go, girl. I was a bridesmaid for my sister & was made redundant before the wedding so literally couldn't afford to give her money. I think she's still annoyed at me a year later, she does make the odd comment about people who 'didn't cough up enough' but I did other things for her. I designed her invitations, wedding booklets, stationery & got a friend to print them for next to nothing. I'm still embarrassed though, & I bet he is too.....

Rockery Woman

Martina05 wrote: »

I'd let it go, girl. I was a bridesmaid for my sister & was made redundant before the wedding so literally couldn't afford to give her money. I think she's still annoyed at me a year later, she does make the odd comment about people who 'didn't cough up enough' but I did other things for her. I designed her invitations, wedding booklets, stationery & got a friend to print them for next to nothing. I'm still embarrassed though, & I bet he is too.....

Hi Martina,

I often got the impression that some people feel weddings are a way to make money and people are expected to pay for the priviledge of being a guest:eek:.

One girl I know who got married in July told people she wanted only money as gifts - I thought that was kinda cheeky of her. I bought a gift for her, delivered it to her house several weeks after the wedding. She wasnt at home when I brought it so I gave it to her husband and legged it!

I didnt even want to go to that wedding, I dont know her very well (she is a friend of my sister) Im not particularly fond of her and would have been happy with an evening invitation or no invite at all!

Anyway to cut a long story short, she didnt make much money from the big day. She got 8 irons! a lot of crockery, bedside lamps and bed linen - after all you could probably buy a gift for E60 or so, but would be expected to give E150 or over for a cash gift:eek: when you add that to the cost of new clothes, hairdos, drinks in the hotel - overnight stay in some cases etc the wedding invitation is like getting a double ESB bill!

SSFG

Rockery Woman wrote: »

Hi Martina,

I often got the impression that some people feel weddings are a way to make money and people are expected to pay for the priviledge of being a guest:eek:.


I didnt even want to go to that wedding, I dont know her very well (she is a friend of my sister) Im not particularly fond of her and would have been happy with an evening invitation or no invite at all!

Don't really understand why people go to weddings if they don't want to go, then moan about the cost of it...just say no???
The people I am inviting are people I want to have there, not people I expect presents and/or money from, I would rather they said no if they felt it was too costly.

starbelgrade

Getting a wedding invite is like getting an invoice. They should come in windowed envelopes.

SSFG

starbelgrade wrote: »

Getting a wedding invite is like getting an invoice. They should come in windowed envelopes.

The difference being...you can say NO to a wedding invite!!!

solerina

starbelgrade wrote: »

Getting a wedding invite is like getting an invoice. They should come in windowed envelopes.

I totally agree...I have been to about 20 weddings in the past 5 years and feel that there is no option other than to give money as a gift (100-150 seems to be the norm in my group)...I usually go alone as I refuse to bring someone when I am not in a couple....I dont think anyone should go to a wedding and not bring a gift/money...no matter if its a family wedding or not, so I think the OP is justified in asking...even though a lot of posters here seem to disagree and are telling her to get over it I think she is right to be a bit annoyed.

starbelgrade

SSFG wrote: »

The difference being...you can say NO to a wedding invite!!!

You'd have to have a very good excuse for that!

2 years ago, I'd an onslaught of weddings.. 9 of them in total over the summer, two of the abroad. Cost a bloody fortune - not helped at all by the fact that I drunkenly wrote off two suits in the process!

Up-n-atom!

I do think it's bad form, but maybe there is a reason. Friend of mine got married last summer, it was a really big wedding thanks to her family insisting that everyone got invited, but there was quite a lot of people who didn't give her anything. I thought that was kinda bad - I was unemployed at the time and made sure to give her a card and money. I have sympathy for people who get asked to loads of weddings in a short space of time, combined with the economic situation at the moment, it can't be easy. However, I do think some guests go overboard in what they spend on preparing for a wedding and then bitch about the cost - they get their hair, nails, make-up done, all of which can be done yourself if you can't afford it! It's not always possible but you can wear an outfit or accessories you have already, or try to borrow some things from a friend. Two of the girls at the wedding were wearing dresses from H&M and Penney's, and they looked just as well as the other guests.

SSFG

starbelgrade wrote: »

You'd have to have a very good excuse for that!

My cousin got married last year, she invited over 200 people and got 156 sitting at the meal, so I think people ARE saying no to weddings if they genuinely can't go, and I don't think you need an "excuse", if someone told me they couldn't come I wouldn't mind, its their choice.

Joeyjoejoe43

solerina wrote: »

I totally agree...I have been to about 20 weddings in the past 5 years and feel that there is no option other than to give money as a gift (100-150 seems to be the norm in my group)...I usually go alone as I refuse to bring someone when I am not in a couple....I dont think anyone should go to a wedding and not bring a gift/money...no matter if its a family wedding or not, so I think the OP is justified in asking...even though a lot of posters here seem to disagree and are telling her to get over it I think she is right to be a bit annoyed.

You hit the nail on the head there, if you go to a wedding as a couple say, the norm is to give 150-250 in a card, if your really skint then maybe 100. If you cant afford to go, RSVP that you cant make it. No offence now, but Im surprised by the stinginess of a lot of the posters above..

magneticimpulse

Joeyjoejoe43 wrote: »

You hit the nail on the head there, if you go to a wedding as a couple say, the norm is to give 150-250 in a card, if your really skint then maybe 100. If you cant afford to go, RSVP that you cant make it. No offence now, but Im surprised by the stinginess of a lot of the posters above..

Well if the dole gave abit more money...people might not be so "stingy" as you say. Times are hard these days. Not everyone can afford things. You might think they can...but honestly, there are people out there who put on a strong face, but are really skint.

Its a very personal topic expecting people to give cash, especially at the moment.