does cheating come back to get you

gillian1983

I've heard people say that cheating comes back to get you in the end. How does it come back to get you?
If a guy cheats on his other half and doesn't tell a single person, how does it come back to get him?

GrumPy

Maybe the situation you mention could be more a karma thing. He might not tell a soul, but something might go wrong in his relationship later on that could have been affected by the cheating?

IE. His gf tells him she has cheated on him recently, does he feel comfortable to forgive her? Considering what he has been hiding. ALl sorts of scenarios really.

RedXIV

I'd guess its the self guilt thing. and the fear that you could let it slip if you get too drunk or talk in your sleep. I'd imagine its fairly tortuous on someone and you'd eventually have to relieve yourself of that.

Don't cheat, psychologically, its not worth it :cool:

Josh_Calvert

well by default most sociopathic guys won't get caught or feel any self-incriminating guilt or even care if they do get caught...and given that many women are attracted to this type of guy, it's overall pretty unlikely that the consequences to cheating ration is even stephen...

those guys who do cheat and get caught are usually once off random mistake cheaters and they usually cop the blame for all the rest of the uncovered cheating too.

as for women cheaters...well women are so adept and secretly getting whatever they want and masking their bad behaviour that VERY few women get caught...not sure if women are ever so relationally unpragmatic as to let it affect whatever else she has going on relationshipwise.

I wouldn't ever cheat.Hence I'm single.

Fittle

Firstly, if you believe in Karma (and I do), then the simple answer to your question is yes.

But if you don't, the simple answer to your question is still yes.

Cheating is a mindset. You have something you thought you wanted/needed, and still you want more. That doesn't change, and it's something you 'give off' to others, whether you know it or not.

I've been in the company of married men (I'm female) and hand on heart, I can tell you the ones who have already cheated - because it's very obvious they want to cheat with me, or other women around me. I'm sure it's the same for men who are in the company of women who cheat.

So cheating is something YOU do (not the OP, but the person who cheats), and it's something you feel guilt about and it's something other people can pick up on.

28064212

gillian1983 wrote: »

I've heard people say that cheating comes back to get you in the end. How does it come back to get you?
If a guy cheats on his other half and doesn't tell a single person, how does it come back to get him?

Another generalised thread? Yes, everyone always gets caught. Except for the people who don't

tbh

Josh_Calvert wrote: »

well by default most sociopathic guys won't get caught or feel any self-incriminating guilt or even care if they do get caught...and given that many women are attracted to this type of guy, it's overall pretty unlikely that the consequences to cheating ration is even stephen...

those guys who do cheat and get caught are usually once off random mistake cheaters and they usually cop the blame for all the rest of the uncovered cheating too.

as for women cheaters...well women are so adept and secretly getting whatever they want and masking their bad behaviour that VERY few women get caught...not sure if women are ever so relationally unpragmatic as to let it affect whatever else she has going on relationshipwise.

I wouldn't ever cheat.Hence I'm single.

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Reward

It can only "come back to get you" if you feel guilt or you get caught, otherwise no. I think that there is a double standard in society about cheating, if a woman cheats it reflects poorly on the male, if the male does he's an asshole. Because of this double standard I think that women have a better chance of availiling of guilt free creating. Even if non one knows, a person who is feeling guilt can be detected and arrouse suspision, they might even project and accuse their partner of cheating.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Well I think people mean the chances are you will be caught.

However you raise a point. It is easily possible to cheat without getting caught. I still think it gets you in other ways.

I once cheated on a girl before with no chance of getting caught. I still loved the girl but it ''got me'' in that I constantly felt like I let the relationship down and tainted it. I thought about how hurt I'd be if she did the same thing.

Maybe this doesn't apply to everyone but I think if you cheat it will take the sparkle out of your relationship

SugarHigh

Fittle wrote: »

I've been in the company of married men (I'm female) and hand on heart, I can tell you the ones who have already cheated - because it's very obvious they want to cheat with me, or other women around me. I'm sure it's the same for men who are in the company of women who cheat.

.

I hope you keep these gut feelings that just pop into your head to yourself. It's really not something you can be confident about and those that show the most confidence in their predictions are probably those who least deserve to be listened to.

source

It takes 2 people to cheat, If a guy cheats on his missus, then there is the other woman, and while he might not tell anyone there's no telling what the other person is capable of, or who they will tell.

So while yes there is the personal guilt side of it, there is also the fact that you will never be the only person to know what happened.

gillian1983

gillian1983 wrote: »

I've heard people say that cheating comes back to get you in the end. How does it come back to get you?
If a guy cheats on his other half and doesn't tell a single person, how does it come back to get him?

Do not underestimate the mental costs paid in maintaining a lie. Maybe some guys never get caught and "get away with it" but there is a certain price paid in effort, fear, paranoia and sometimes guilt in maintaining the lie and wondering if it will ever come out or will something slip etc etc.

Every lie, even the smallest ones, take effort to maintain.

Bottle_of_Smoke

foinse wrote: »

It takes 2 people to cheat, If a guy cheats on his missus, then there is the other woman, and while he might not tell anyone there's no telling what the other person is capable of, or who they will tell.

So while yes there is the personal guilt side of it, there is also the fact that you will never be the only person to know what happened.

If the event was a one night stand in a foreign country with no phone numbers you're pretty safe tbh.

source

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

If the event was a one night stand in a foreign country with no phone numbers you're pretty safe tbh.

How often will you be abroad by yourself? unless you travel alone for business those you travel with will always know and while mates are supposed to have your back you can never be sure what another person is likely to say......or who they're likely to say it to.

tbh

gillian1983 wrote: »

I've heard people say that cheating comes back to get you in the end. How does it come back to get you?
If a guy cheats on his other half and doesn't tell a single person, how does it come back to get him?

some people will be wracked with guilt, some won't
some people believe in karma, some don't
some people will look at a relationship that they cheated in, and say their partner went on to cheat, and link the two. Others will say it was symptomatic of a problem in the relationship.

everyone is different. it is our blessing and our curse.

Rubecula

From personal experience I can say cheating affected my life. (I was not the one who cheated though so perhaps that statement is redundant here)

It happens, some people may find it is something that can be worked around, others may find it destroys them emotionally, and I suppose there are opinions between the two extremes.

But the OP asked how it can come back to haunt you. There are so many ways, just think about it.

You can let it slip by accident, you can talk in your sleep, you can talk when drunk.

Your lady could meet the person that you cheated with, worse they could become friends and talk about many things (which would include you)

Someone may find out in some undefined way and blab about it.

The ways it can be found out are far too numerous and generalised to post I feel, but my advice is :

Cheating is a mugs game, don't do it.

yizorselves

So far I've only been in one relationship and I had no urge to cheat on her. I had plenty of opportunities but the sensible head on me prevailed. I suppose it came down to the respect I had for her and how I enjoyed being with her. I liked the fact that I had nothing to hide and a bit of fun with a random girl was not worth ruining the relationship with her.

Now I'm single again and playing the field you could say. And if I do get into another relationship I'll be loyal. Its not that hard.

If you dont lie you dont need to have a good memory.

Peanut2011

gillian1983 wrote: »

I've heard people say that cheating comes back to get you in the end. How does it come back to get you?
If a guy cheats on his other half and doesn't tell a single person, how does it come back to get him?

All I can tell you is that for me, even though I have never done it, the problem would be in my own head.

The constant conflict knowing what I have done would eventually lead me to mess up that relationship.

Well I am a firm believer in honesty. For me nothing would punish me more than my own mind.