Friend- money- but mostly the comment!!

u_c_thesecond

This compared to other people on here isint major but wondering if i could get some advice. Friends with Sarah for 4 years- lovely woman,shes engaged has 2 kids. She doesnt work but her fiance does.

We were out Stephens night- big group of us about 15. Long story short Sarah was leaving and when i asked why she said she went bank machine and it was out of order so she couldnt afford to stay out. I had a few drinks in me so i said id give her a loan of 50euro. She took it and said she would give it bk to me on 28th because her hubby gets paid then.

28th came and went and heard nothing from her, i text her and she said "Oh ill have it new years eve for you" i have it put away, went out new years and she didnt give me it, didnt even mention it, So i didnt either, it was new years i didnt wanna spoil the night by bringing money into it.

So this morn i txt her and said "Welll girl, listen if your in town today can we meet up so i can get that money off you, i have to get a few bits" Thats all i said. What i got back i couldnt believe

"Jesus Christ will you ever cop the hell on with you f***ing money, i have 2 kids to feed in case you havnt noticed, you have no kids so stop acting like your poor and you need the money cos u bloody well dont"

To say im shocked is an understatement. I know she has 2 kids to feed but just because I have no kids im expected to leave her keep the money! I can afford to let her keep it but why should I, its my money that i loaned her. Shes actually a lovely girl really hence why i am shocked.

I am more upset about the comment that the money TBH just want to get some peoples opnions.

mrpink6789

Yeah what a complete b**ch. Horrible way to reply to someone. OP considering she is a nice person as you say it sounds like she is having money problems and might not be able to afford the 50 right now. Have a chat with her about it, money stress can bring the worst out of people so she probably feels horrible right now.

Still though she should be apologising to you for the way she reacted. you did nothing wrong here.

Danniboo

The first thing that jumps out at me is if she did in fact have money in her account and it was just a case of the machine being out of order why could she not pay you back the very next day?? Also she was out Stephens Night and New Years Eve so i'd tell her to save her BS excuses about her "two kids". It really grates on my when people use their children as a scape goat. If she was so strapped she should have stayed home those two nights, simple as OP. Get your money back and just give her a wide berth she sounds a bit manipulative and dishonest to me.

astra2000

Lovely people dont behave like that tbh. It sounds as if you were been played she said the atm was out of order then when she got the money she said she would give it back when her hubby was paid, surely if she had no money due to a broken atm then she didnt need to wait until her husband was paid to repay you.
Its hard to understand why she was out two nights if she is so worried about feeding her kids. It sounds as if she may know you arent actually in need of the money back immediately, and maybe she feels that you dont trust her to repay it, that could be hurtful to her. However there is no justifying her attitude.
Give her a ring and see what she has to say, maybe there is more going on than you are aware of.

u_c_thesecond

I texted her back and said "Wooaaahhh now whats with the attitude? all i asked was could i meet up in town.You said you had the money put away so why you losing the rag with me?"

i got back "You have no idea how hard im having it at the moment, i have kids who want everything they see and i am broke giving it to them, Iv a fiance who drinks his wages and i have an ex who didnt put any money into my account for my son this month AND THATS WHY IM THICK! I cant give you money when he hasnt paid me maitnence(sp)

???

Emme

All I can say is that New Year is sometimes a good time to review your friendships and weed out the ones that aren't good for you any more.

You're unlikely to see that 50 euro again, methinks.

Danniboo

u_c_thesecond wrote: »

I texted her back and said "Wooaaahhh now whats with the attitude? all i asked was could i meet up in town.You said you had the money put away so why you losing the rag with me?"

i got back "You have no idea how hard im having it at the moment, i have kids who want everything they see and i am broke giving it to them, Iv a fiance who drinks his wages and i have an ex who didnt put any money into my account for my son this month AND THATS WHY IM THICK! I cant give you money when he hasnt paid me maitnence(sp)

???

But yet she can have a couple of nights out. Sorry i'm being harsh but none of the above is your problem. Why is she buying them "everything". And why doesn't she leave her drunken fiancee. These are all her lifestyle choices OP, don't be put on a guilt trip because of it.

Giblet

Tell her to shut up with the poor mouth and stop asking for money she can't pay back. I'd drop her to be honest.

fungun

FFS, Id have some sympathy if she couldnt feed her kids but when its she 'has to buy them everything', piss off.

Id say to her that you didnt know any of that, are sorry for her situation but that she should not have borrowed the money if she could not pay it back and that you actually do need it back as she had promised you.

If you dont get it back then in next text say if she wants to buy her kids everything they see, thats her problem, but not to do it with your money.

Emme

fungun wrote: »

FFS, Id have some sympathy if she couldnt feed her kids but when its she 'has to buy them everything', piss off.

If she was that worried about her children she wouldn't have gone out on New Years Eve. How much would a babysitter cost that night?

seamus

I wouldn't bother responding at this stage tbh.

Ball's in her court. She'll either realise that she completely lost the rag with you, apologise and return your money, or your money is gone and you won't hear much from her in future.

In either case, I would think twice before giving her money in future. In her defence, she didn't ask for it at the time, but that doesn't give her the right to play the poor mouth. If she couldn't afford it, she shouldn't have taken the loan.

She's clearly having a hard time of it, but there's never any excuse to take your problems out on your mates. If she asks you what your problem is, that's what you tell her.

u_c_thesecond

fungun wrote: »

Id say to her that you didnt know any of that, are sorry for her situation but that she should not have borrowed the money if she could not pay it back and that you actually do need it back as she had promised you.

If you dont get it back then in next text say if she wants to buy her kids everything they see, thats her problem, but not to do it with your money.

I did just that. I said "Look im sorry for your situation but just because i dont have children doesnt mean i can afford to lay off 50 euro, I have a morgage and bills you know"

I got back "Oh look at you Mrs high and mighty with your morgage and no kids to keep you poor , You think your so much better than me handing out money then harassing people for it back!Your no better than a loan shark"

Harassing? I mentioned it once on the 28th and then today hows that harassment?

Giblet

She chose to have kids, she also chose to borrow money, now she should live with the consequences.

u_c_thesecond

Her fiance just text me saying "Sarahs stormin around yeln and bangn presses. I know you and her are having a bit of a barney, but just leave her be for a few days when she has the money she will contact you"

fungun

im caught between

1) she is clearly having a stressful day, maybe text or call her again in a day or two or
2) telling her to cop the **** on, this money wasnt used for her kids, she drank this money, pay it back bitch

Id feel lke 2) but 1) is probably more sensible

Korvanica

fungun wrote: »

im caught between

1) she is clearly having a stressful day, maybe text or call her again in a day or two or
2) telling her to cop the **** on, this money wasnt used for her kids, she drank this money, pay it back bitch

Id feel lke 2) but 1) is probably more sensible

<snip>

Then again if you like her its not an option...

astra2000

You know what chalk it down to experience and move on, I am sure you dont want to be starting off the new year on such a bad note. She is obviously on a roll and any further contact with her will upset you more. Dont dwell on this put it out of your mind and concentrate on what ever plans you have made for the new year. It sounds like the value of your friendship to her is 50euro, doesnt say a lot about her. I doubt that unless she were to apologise profusely you will ever get your friendship back on track so your best bet is forget her and her manipulation. Best of luck

mgmt

fungun wrote: »

im caught between

1) she is clearly having a stressful day, maybe text or call her again in a day or two or
2) telling her to cop the **** on, this money wasnt used for her kids, she drank this money, pay it back bitch

Id feel lke 2) but 1) is probably more sensible

Yeah she seems a person who is caught up in their own self-pity. She is at home cursing your name around her house. Not much of a friend. Is it really worth the hassle and stress for 50euro? You shouldn't really lend out money to friends if you cannot afford to lose it.

Kimia

Really, I would have nothing more to do with her. I'm disgusted at her attitude, I really am. If she gets in contact with you again, text her back saying 'I have nothing to say to you, you have made your feelings about our friendship perfectly clear, I wish you the best, please don't contact me again'.

And ignore her after that. I'm shocked that she would dare bring her kids into it. What do you care about her kids? And why should you? Jesus some people make me sick.

LeahK

You shouldn't really lend out money to friends if you cannot afford to lose it

Unfair statement to be fair..I would give my mates my last tenner if they needed it!

To be honest OP, I think her behaviour is selfish, embarassing and totally and utterly out of order. I dont agree with anyone who said you should forget it or let her cool down! Its your money and you are entitled to it back with a 'thanks' not a screaming match.

Tell her to grow up and get you the money asap and stop acting like a spoiled brat. If she doesnt like her boyfriend, dump him. If she spoils her kids and cant afford it, tough thats her decision.Also if her fiance texts you again, I would ask him how he has money for credit cause apparantly he drinks all his money!!mind his own business.

Looks like your friendship could be over OP but to be honest it doesnt sound like your going to be missing outon much!:rolleyes:

u_c_thesecond

mgmt wrote: »

Yeah she seems a person who is caught up in their own self-pity. She is at home cursing your name around her house. Not much of a friend. Is it really worth the hassle and stress for 50euro? You shouldn't really lend out money to friends if you cannot afford to lose it.

Thats the point, i can afford to lose it, but its the principal of the matter, just because i save my money and dont have children doesnt mean i can let people off with money iv lent them.

I was trying to help out a friend

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

LegacyUser

TBH OP i find you very selfish and money hungry. You said you CAN afford to lose the 50euro so why are you harassing the poor girl when she has two kids to feed. Move on for gods sake, i am so sick of people looking down on us who have kids you shouldnt have given her the money simple as that, poor woman only wanted a night out and is being harassed for it!

claireeney

if she's told you the truth from the start there wouldnt be a problem. She should have said to you on stephen's night "ive no money and if i dont go home now i wont be out new years" you might have still given her the money but you wouldnt have expected it back straight away.

all in all it's very bad form from her. if you value her as a friend finish this by saying "give it to me when you have it and we'll forget about it" but stay away till you get it. if you dont get it you've learned a harsh lesson. if you do get it you'll know what to expect from her in the future.

Neyite

If I were you I would write off the €50, and the friendship.

It would not be about the money for me, no matter how hard up I was for it, but about the rudeness. Who does she think she is talking to there??

Who wants a mate who speaks to anyone like that?

Jenneke87

selfish_dot wrote: »

TBH OP i find you very selfish and money hungry. You said you CAN afford to lose the 50euro so why are you harassing the poor girl when she has two kids to feed. Move on for gods sake, i am so sick of people looking down on us who have kids you shouldnt have given her the money simple as that, poor woman only wanted a night out and is being harassed for it!

Sorry but that's ridiculous. She isn't looking down on her friend just because she has kids. She gave her friend money, and unless it was clearly discussed between them that she didn't need to pay it back, she has to. If someone lended something from you, i'm pretty sure you'd want to have it back too and it's no different for the OP. Her friend having children has nothing to do with it, in fact her friended stated she was broke because"her kids asked for everything in sight and she's broke paying for it"implying she just can't say no, which has little to do with feeding the kids don't you think? She was given the money, she needs to give it like any adult with common decency should do. End of story.

Kimia

selfish_dot wrote: »

TBH OP i find you very selfish and money hungry. You said you CAN afford to lose the 50euro so why are you harassing the poor girl when she has two kids to feed. Move on for gods sake, i am so sick of people looking down on us who have kids you shouldnt have given her the money simple as that, poor woman only wanted a night out and is being harassed for it!

Excuse me? How in the name of god is the OP selfish and money-hungry - it's HER money! I am so sick of people with kids expecting handouts from everyone else and then having the cheek to moan about having to pay back a loan. I don't care if the woman has 10 kids - it's not the OP's problem and if that women is finding money tight, she shouldn't go out boozing with her friend's money.

You borrow money, you pay it back. What kind of scumbag doesn't understand that?

Elle Collins

Personally I would tell her to keep the money and never speak to me as long as she lived - and I would stick to that.

JimmyCrackCorn

Having watched A Bronks Tale again recently

All I can say is you got off cheap if it means she is out of your life. If she had been polite and asked can you wait that would be fair.

I hate lending money to friends mostly because it can lead to problems like this or worse(ongoing personal experience):(

TwoShedsJackson

u_c_thesecond wrote: »

I did just that. I said "Look im sorry for your situation but just because i dont have children doesnt mean i can afford to lay off 50 euro, I have a morgage and bills you know"

I got back "Oh look at you Mrs high and mighty with your morgage and no kids to keep you poor , You think your so much better than me handing out money then harassing people for it back!Your no better than a loan shark"

Harassing? I mentioned it once on the 28th and then today hows that harassment?

Unless you're charging her 200% interest you are actually better than a loan shark. She sounds nuts - leave it for a few days and see what happens, if she doesn't mention it again or give you the money back, drop her.

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

Distorted

u_c_thesecond wrote: »

I texted her back and said "Wooaaahhh now whats with the attitude? all i asked was could i meet up in town.You said you had the money put away so why you losing the rag with me?"

i got back "You have no idea how hard im having it at the moment, i have kids who want everything they see and i am broke giving it to them, Iv a fiance who drinks his wages and i have an ex who didnt put any money into my account for my son this month AND THATS WHY IM THICK! I cant give you money when he hasnt paid me maitnence(sp)

???

In other words, all the money that she ever gets comes from other people. And you have just become one of those people to her. Perhaps if she had a job and earned her own money (yes it is possible with children) she would have a better attitude to taking other people's money.

squishykins

That's awful :eek: :mad: I can't understand some people, anyone with a simple sense of morals and cop-on shouldn't act like that. It's not her money, simple as. I would be over the moon if I had such a generous friend, and I'd make sure to have it back as soon as I could!
Simply goes to show what kind of people there are out there, no sense of self-respect at all! That really made my blood boil!

ztoical

selfish_dot wrote: »

TBH OP i find you very selfish and money hungry. You said you CAN afford to lose the 50euro so why are you harassing the poor girl when she has two kids to feed. Move on for gods sake, i am so sick of people looking down on us who have kids you shouldnt have given her the money simple as that, poor woman only wanted a night out and is being harassed for it!

Hold on a second first off it was the friend whose waving the kids around like they are an excuse for her to get away with anything and the OP's lack of kids somehow makes her at fault. Second on the night out the friend claimed she had money but the ATM was out of order and that was the only reason the OP loaned her money. And finally she was out that night and out again on New Years, sounds like the 'poor' woman has had plenty of nights out.

SirDelboy18

I'd be fit to kill the b*tch. She ain't going to pay. Even if she tries to its worthless. She'll expect a renewal of the friendship, and will throw apologies at you. Get yourself away from her, immediately, and forever

Knasher

I can imagine how you feel, I often lend money to my friends and thankfully they are very good about paying it back. Occasionally I've been asked to be patient, which is fine they are my friends and if they need help and I can help then I'm happy to.

Your "friend" on the other hand is trying to worm her way out of her debt, which lets be honest isn't a huge amount. What she is effectively saying is that if she had to pick between €50 and your friendship, she is picking the €50 (ideally she would like both I'm sure, but she is more than happy to risk one to keep the other). I would be absolutely livid, honestly if I were in your situation I would probably end the friendship at least until she returns the money and apologizes. Even then I would probably be a little pissed if one of my friends valued our friendship so little.

If she calms down and apologizes, then fine. Some people can react badly around money especially between friends and it can make them do weird things. Clearly she isn't the type who can handle owing friends money so don't lend to her again. Her apology would want to be pretty sincere though.

DazMarz

If the OP had given money to this woman to feed her kids/clothe her kids/pay for medicine/etc. (some mealy-mouthed, sob-story stuff like that), then I would cut her (Sarah) a little slack. But not much!

This money was spent on drink and was a short-term loan that should have been paid back post haste. This idiot Sarah is just taking the piss at this stage.

I've loaned money to friends in the past, and yes, sometimes I'll have to ask for it back. I make no bones about it, I feel no sting about it. It was my bleedin money, and I gave it out of the goodness of my heart and I'd hope you would have the common goddamn decency to pay me back. But if you don't, I will ask for it back, no problemo.

OP, like me, just because you sometimes can afford to let things go does not mean you should. No way. I'm something of a soft touch anyway, but I do have my principles and I will stand up for myself if I'm pushed too much. Do not let this hysterical, money-grabbing, mealy-mouthed, machete-mouthed bitch get the better of you. She needs to pony up the money sooner rather than later. She also needs to seriously apologise to you for the way she acted. A very serious and very sincere apology.

Also: if you do manage to patch things up, do not give her another loan. Ever. In fact, don't even piss on her if she was on fire, IMO...

metrovelvet

Ive lent money Ive never seen again to some very good friends. They either forgot or didnt have it or whatever. I'd rather let it go and keep the friendship but be more cautious in the future, but these are good friends who have really been there for me when the **** hit the fan and I would prize that loyalty over a forgotten 50 Euro or so, so imo it depends on the friendship.

Her comment about kids etc may have been financial pressure talking in response to your demand for your money back. She could have said it differently, but very hard to make an honest reading of it here.

tinkerbell

Her comment about the kids is pure BS. So she is happy out going off out on the tear over Christmas and then refuses to pay you back because she has "kids to feed"? Yah right. This crap about how she has kids to feed, not your problem. She chose to have kids. If she can't afford to feed them, then she shouldn't be sponging money off her mates to fund her getting wasted over Christmas :mad:

OP, give her til the end of the week or next week to get you the money. Tell her it is not your concern that she has kids and you do not, she owes you that money and said she would pay you it back on the 28th, it is now the 4th and she's acting like a self-righteous cow. And once you get that money back, tell her to get lost. I would not remain friends with that girl.

shinikins

At this stage OP i'd be tempted to tell her to shove the €50 and her friendship where the sun don't shine, but then i've been through the same issue in the past. I lost a friend over money i loaned her, and while i was heartbroken at the time, looking back it was a poisonous relationship and i'm well shot.
I wouldn't text her back now, as she's likely to misread it in her rage, but i would text the fiance and tell him exactly what has gone on between you. If he is any sort of a decent person he will talk her down and make her see sense. And when you do finally meet her again let her know how you feel, everyone has their off days and stress in their lives, but you really didn't deserve to be treated that way. I would expect an decent apology too.

u_c_thesecond

:)Thanks for all the replys

To the person who said i was selfish and money hungry let me say this - i am not a bank, nor am i a credit union, nor am i a charity. I dont care if you have children, thats your choice and i will not fund people with children and why the hell should i. Get off your high horse the world doesnt owe you anything because you have children!!!:mad::mad::mad::mad:

To everyone else thanks for your opnions. I took someone on heres advice and i texted her and said "Look this has gotten way out of hand, i didnt know you would be stuck for the money, you were the one who said you had it put away for me, Just give me it when you have it ok"

I got back "I dont need your charity Mrs High and Mighty, You will get your money, and my kids cant go to the zoo this weekend now because of u harassing me for it. Hope you can live with that"

Ok i seriously cant win!!!

squishykins

She's blackmailing you, and she knows she is. I'd say call her up on it!

Ellen33

u_c_thesecond wrote: »

I texted her back and said "Wooaaahhh now whats with the attitude? all i asked was could i meet up in town.You said you had the money put away so why you losing the rag with me?"

i got back "You have no idea how hard im having it at the moment, i have kids who want everything they see and i am broke giving it to them, Iv a fiance who drinks his wages and i have an ex who didnt put any money into my account for my son this month AND THATS WHY IM THICK! I cant give you money when he hasnt paid me maitnence(sp)

???

I would say well sorry that's not my problem - I lent you money as a friend when you needed it we were under the agreement that this was a loan not a gift.

Her comments and attitude are disgusting the fact that she has kids doesn't have a lot to do with it. The fact is she lied about re paying the money it's almost as if she wants you to say ah look we will just forget about it - sure you have kids and I don't obviously I don't need any money

Acoshla

Tell her if money is that tight for the kids then she shouldn't have been out spending what money she does (or doesn't!) have, then arrange to meet her and get your money, ignore her BS blackmail about the kids, they're not your kids so not your problem if they don't get to the zoo (which is obviously a real necessity :rolleyes:) and then forget about her, at least for a few weeks.

If she has any sense she'll come back with an apology when she's calmed down and realised what a b*tch she's being, if she still thinks she's in the right then you're better off without her anyway.

TheresaT

u_c_thesecond wrote: »

I got back "I dont need your charity Mrs High and Mighty, You will get your money, and my kids cant go to the zoo this weekend now because of u harassing me for it. Hope you can live with that"

Ok i seriously cant win!!!

Wow, I can't believe her attitude! My advice would be don't rise to the bait. Don't get into a discussion with her about her kids or her expenses or the cancelled trip to the zoo.
If you are going to text her back, keep it short, sweet and as civil as possible. Just a quick thanks for agreeing to pay the money back maybe.
She's spoiling for a fight and counting on you feeling guilty. Don't let it get to you. Graciously accept the money if she gives it back to you.
Sadly, I think your friendship is down the tubes either way but you'll be the judge of that.

Ellen33

This girl is unreal! Hope you can live with yourself because her kids can't go to the zoo! You would swear she was talking about bringing them to the doctor what a manipulative cow!

R.D. aka MR.D

I wouldn't text her back at all. That will madden her more!

Leave it a week or two and go round her house or text her again and get the money.

Then, don't be friends with the scumbag. seriously, she sounds like bad news!!!

Töpher

u_c_thesecond wrote: »

I got back "I dont need your charity Mrs High and Mighty, You will get your money, and my kids cant go to the zoo this weekend now because of u harassing me for it. Hope you can live with that"

Your kids can't go to the zoo this weekend because you went on the piss last weekend, darlin'. Hope you can live with that. :P

Sounds like a right wagon. I'd sooner let that €50 slide and never deal with the wench again, but then again I don't much like conflict and it's not my money. What a paltry sum to go to such lows over though, it really is pathetic behaviour. Some people just love the drama, I'd almost bet that having a good rant and rave about this with the fella means more to her than the money itself.

astra2000

u_c_thesecond wrote: »

:)Thanks for all the replys
To everyone else thanks for your opnions. I took someone on heres advice and i texted her and said "Look this has gotten way out of hand, i didnt know you would be stuck for the money, you were the one who said you had it put away for me, Just give me it when you have it ok"

I got back "I dont need your charity Mrs High and Mighty, You will get your money, and my kids cant go to the zoo this weekend now because of u harassing me for it. Hope you can live with that"

Ok i seriously cant win!!!

No you are not going to win, she is quiet a piece of work!!! btw childrens allowance was paid today she could use that for the zoo:p

littlefriend

Töpher wrote: »

Your kids can't go to the zoo this weekend because you went on the piss last weekend, darlin'. Hope you can live with that.

Good one.

LegacyUser

Hi u_c_thesecond: you have a right to ask for your money, you lent to her with a verbal agreement that it would be paid back soon so don't feel bad about asking for it back.

Secondly I have kids, I AM poor and I have gone without maintenance as EX was an Alcoholic......does that give me the right to make my friends feel bad for being under less pressure or whatever moneywise...NOPE.

Thirdly I did not go out at all at Christmas....why? Because I am poor.
Now if your friend can afford to go out at Christmas then she isn't that poor..perhaps she would like to spend some time with the genuine poor e.g some of the people who have lost their homes this past year due to unemployment.
Your friend needs to grow up. And you need to stay far away from someone who doesn't have
any respect for you. She should have rang you and apologised for not paying back that debt.
I would stop contact with her..and chalk it up to experience.