Friend- money- but mostly the comment!!

u_c_thesecond

This compared to other people on here isint major but wondering if i could get some advice. Friends with Sarah for 4 years- lovely woman,shes engaged has 2 kids. She doesnt work but her fiance does.

We were out Stephens night- big group of us about 15. Long story short Sarah was leaving and when i asked why she said she went bank machine and it was out of order so she couldnt afford to stay out. I had a few drinks in me so i said id give her a loan of 50euro. She took it and said she would give it bk to me on 28th because her hubby gets paid then.

28th came and went and heard nothing from her, i text her and she said "Oh ill have it new years eve for you" i have it put away, went out new years and she didnt give me it, didnt even mention it, So i didnt either, it was new years i didnt wanna spoil the night by bringing money into it.

So this morn i txt her and said "Welll girl, listen if your in town today can we meet up so i can get that money off you, i have to get a few bits" Thats all i said. What i got back i couldnt believe

"Jesus Christ will you ever cop the hell on with you f***ing money, i have 2 kids to feed in case you havnt noticed, you have no kids so stop acting like your poor and you need the money cos u bloody well dont"

To say im shocked is an understatement. I know she has 2 kids to feed but just because I have no kids im expected to leave her keep the money! I can afford to let her keep it but why should I, its my money that i loaned her. Shes actually a lovely girl really hence why i am shocked.

I am more upset about the comment that the money TBH just want to get some peoples opnions.

mrpink6789

Yeah what a complete b**ch. Horrible way to reply to someone. OP considering she is a nice person as you say it sounds like she is having money problems and might not be able to afford the 50 right now. Have a chat with her about it, money stress can bring the worst out of people so she probably feels horrible right now.

Still though she should be apologising to you for the way she reacted. you did nothing wrong here.

Danniboo

The first thing that jumps out at me is if she did in fact have money in her account and it was just a case of the machine being out of order why could she not pay you back the very next day?? Also she was out Stephens Night and New Years Eve so i'd tell her to save her BS excuses about her "two kids". It really grates on my when people use their children as a scape goat. If she was so strapped she should have stayed home those two nights, simple as OP. Get your money back and just give her a wide berth she sounds a bit manipulative and dishonest to me.

astra2000

Lovely people dont behave like that tbh. It sounds as if you were been played she said the atm was out of order then when she got the money she said she would give it back when her hubby was paid, surely if she had no money due to a broken atm then she didnt need to wait until her husband was paid to repay you.
Its hard to understand why she was out two nights if she is so worried about feeding her kids. It sounds as if she may know you arent actually in need of the money back immediately, and maybe she feels that you dont trust her to repay it, that could be hurtful to her. However there is no justifying her attitude.
Give her a ring and see what she has to say, maybe there is more going on than you are aware of.

u_c_thesecond

I texted her back and said "Wooaaahhh now whats with the attitude? all i asked was could i meet up in town.You said you had the money put away so why you losing the rag with me?"

i got back "You have no idea how hard im having it at the moment, i have kids who want everything they see and i am broke giving it to them, Iv a fiance who drinks his wages and i have an ex who didnt put any money into my account for my son this month AND THATS WHY IM THICK! I cant give you money when he hasnt paid me maitnence(sp)

???

Emme

All I can say is that New Year is sometimes a good time to review your friendships and weed out the ones that aren't good for you any more.

You're unlikely to see that 50 euro again, methinks.

Danniboo

u_c_thesecond wrote: »

I texted her back and said "Wooaaahhh now whats with the attitude? all i asked was could i meet up in town.You said you had the money put away so why you losing the rag with me?"

i got back "You have no idea how hard im having it at the moment, i have kids who want everything they see and i am broke giving it to them, Iv a fiance who drinks his wages and i have an ex who didnt put any money into my account for my son this month AND THATS WHY IM THICK! I cant give you money when he hasnt paid me maitnence(sp)

???

But yet she can have a couple of nights out. Sorry i'm being harsh but none of the above is your problem. Why is she buying them "everything". And why doesn't she leave her drunken fiancee. These are all her lifestyle choices OP, don't be put on a guilt trip because of it.

Giblet

Tell her to shut up with the poor mouth and stop asking for money she can't pay back. I'd drop her to be honest.

fungun

FFS, Id have some sympathy if she couldnt feed her kids but when its she 'has to buy them everything', piss off.

Id say to her that you didnt know any of that, are sorry for her situation but that she should not have borrowed the money if she could not pay it back and that you actually do need it back as she had promised you.

If you dont get it back then in next text say if she wants to buy her kids everything they see, thats her problem, but not to do it with your money.

Emme

fungun wrote: »

FFS, Id have some sympathy if she couldnt feed her kids but when its she 'has to buy them everything', piss off.

If she was that worried about her children she wouldn't have gone out on New Years Eve. How much would a babysitter cost that night?

seamus

I wouldn't bother responding at this stage tbh.

Ball's in her court. She'll either realise that she completely lost the rag with you, apologise and return your money, or your money is gone and you won't hear much from her in future.

In either case, I would think twice before giving her money in future. In her defence, she didn't ask for it at the time, but that doesn't give her the right to play the poor mouth. If she couldn't afford it, she shouldn't have taken the loan.

She's clearly having a hard time of it, but there's never any excuse to take your problems out on your mates. If she asks you what your problem is, that's what you tell her.

u_c_thesecond

fungun wrote: »

Id say to her that you didnt know any of that, are sorry for her situation but that she should not have borrowed the money if she could not pay it back and that you actually do need it back as she had promised you.

If you dont get it back then in next text say if she wants to buy her kids everything they see, thats her problem, but not to do it with your money.

I did just that. I said "Look im sorry for your situation but just because i dont have children doesnt mean i can afford to lay off 50 euro, I have a morgage and bills you know"

I got back "Oh look at you Mrs high and mighty with your morgage and no kids to keep you poor , You think your so much better than me handing out money then harassing people for it back!Your no better than a loan shark"

Harassing? I mentioned it once on the 28th and then today hows that harassment?

Giblet

She chose to have kids, she also chose to borrow money, now she should live with the consequences.

u_c_thesecond

Her fiance just text me saying "Sarahs stormin around yeln and bangn presses. I know you and her are having a bit of a barney, but just leave her be for a few days when she has the money she will contact you"

fungun

im caught between

1) she is clearly having a stressful day, maybe text or call her again in a day or two or
2) telling her to cop the **** on, this money wasnt used for her kids, she drank this money, pay it back bitch

Id feel lke 2) but 1) is probably more sensible

Korvanica

fungun wrote: »

im caught between

1) she is clearly having a stressful day, maybe text or call her again in a day or two or
2) telling her to cop the **** on, this money wasnt used for her kids, she drank this money, pay it back bitch

Id feel lke 2) but 1) is probably more sensible

<snip>

Then again if you like her its not an option...

astra2000

You know what chalk it down to experience and move on, I am sure you dont want to be starting off the new year on such a bad note. She is obviously on a roll and any further contact with her will upset you more. Dont dwell on this put it out of your mind and concentrate on what ever plans you have made for the new year. It sounds like the value of your friendship to her is 50euro, doesnt say a lot about her. I doubt that unless she were to apologise profusely you will ever get your friendship back on track so your best bet is forget her and her manipulation. Best of luck

mgmt

fungun wrote: »

im caught between

1) she is clearly having a stressful day, maybe text or call her again in a day or two or
2) telling her to cop the **** on, this money wasnt used for her kids, she drank this money, pay it back bitch

Id feel lke 2) but 1) is probably more sensible

Yeah she seems a person who is caught up in their own self-pity. She is at home cursing your name around her house. Not much of a friend. Is it really worth the hassle and stress for 50euro? You shouldn't really lend out money to friends if you cannot afford to lose it.

Kimia

Really, I would have nothing more to do with her. I'm disgusted at her attitude, I really am. If she gets in contact with you again, text her back saying 'I have nothing to say to you, you have made your feelings about our friendship perfectly clear, I wish you the best, please don't contact me again'.

And ignore her after that. I'm shocked that she would dare bring her kids into it. What do you care about her kids? And why should you? Jesus some people make me sick.

LeahK

You shouldn't really lend out money to friends if you cannot afford to lose it

Unfair statement to be fair..I would give my mates my last tenner if they needed it!

To be honest OP, I think her behaviour is selfish, embarassing and totally and utterly out of order. I dont agree with anyone who said you should forget it or let her cool down! Its your money and you are entitled to it back with a 'thanks' not a screaming match.

Tell her to grow up and get you the money asap and stop acting like a spoiled brat. If she doesnt like her boyfriend, dump him. If she spoils her kids and cant afford it, tough thats her decision.Also if her fiance texts you again, I would ask him how he has money for credit cause apparantly he drinks all his money!!mind his own business.

Looks like your friendship could be over OP but to be honest it doesnt sound like your going to be missing outon much!:rolleyes:

u_c_thesecond

mgmt wrote: »

Yeah she seems a person who is caught up in their own self-pity. She is at home cursing your name around her house. Not much of a friend. Is it really worth the hassle and stress for 50euro? You shouldn't really lend out money to friends if you cannot afford to lose it.

Thats the point, i can afford to lose it, but its the principal of the matter, just because i save my money and dont have children doesnt mean i can let people off with money iv lent them.

I was trying to help out a friend

sashafierce

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LegacyUser

TBH OP i find you very selfish and money hungry. You said you CAN afford to lose the 50euro so why are you harassing the poor girl when she has two kids to feed. Move on for gods sake, i am so sick of people looking down on us who have kids you shouldnt have given her the money simple as that, poor woman only wanted a night out and is being harassed for it!

claireeney

if she's told you the truth from the start there wouldnt be a problem. She should have said to you on stephen's night "ive no money and if i dont go home now i wont be out new years" you might have still given her the money but you wouldnt have expected it back straight away.

all in all it's very bad form from her. if you value her as a friend finish this by saying "give it to me when you have it and we'll forget about it" but stay away till you get it. if you dont get it you've learned a harsh lesson. if you do get it you'll know what to expect from her in the future.

Neyite

If I were you I would write off the €50, and the friendship.

It would not be about the money for me, no matter how hard up I was for it, but about the rudeness. Who does she think she is talking to there??

Who wants a mate who speaks to anyone like that?

Jenneke87

selfish_dot wrote: »

TBH OP i find you very selfish and money hungry. You said you CAN afford to lose the 50euro so why are you harassing the poor girl when she has two kids to feed. Move on for gods sake, i am so sick of people looking down on us who have kids you shouldnt have given her the money simple as that, poor woman only wanted a night out and is being harassed for it!

Sorry but that's ridiculous. She isn't looking down on her friend just because she has kids. She gave her friend money, and unless it was clearly discussed between them that she didn't need to pay it back, she has to. If someone lended something from you, i'm pretty sure you'd want to have it back too and it's no different for the OP. Her friend having children has nothing to do with it, in fact her friended stated she was broke because"her kids asked for everything in sight and she's broke paying for it"implying she just can't say no, which has little to do with feeding the kids don't you think? She was given the money, she needs to give it like any adult with common decency should do. End of story.

Kimia

selfish_dot wrote: »

TBH OP i find you very selfish and money hungry. You said you CAN afford to lose the 50euro so why are you harassing the poor girl when she has two kids to feed. Move on for gods sake, i am so sick of people looking down on us who have kids you shouldnt have given her the money simple as that, poor woman only wanted a night out and is being harassed for it!

Excuse me? How in the name of god is the OP selfish and money-hungry - it's HER money! I am so sick of people with kids expecting handouts from everyone else and then having the cheek to moan about having to pay back a loan. I don't care if the woman has 10 kids - it's not the OP's problem and if that women is finding money tight, she shouldn't go out boozing with her friend's money.

You borrow money, you pay it back. What kind of scumbag doesn't understand that?

Elle Collins

Personally I would tell her to keep the money and never speak to me as long as she lived - and I would stick to that.

JimmyCrackCorn

Having watched A Bronks Tale again recently

All I can say is you got off cheap if it means she is out of your life. If she had been polite and asked can you wait that would be fair.

I hate lending money to friends mostly because it can lead to problems like this or worse(ongoing personal experience):(

TwoShedsJackson

u_c_thesecond wrote: »

I did just that. I said "Look im sorry for your situation but just because i dont have children doesnt mean i can afford to lay off 50 euro, I have a morgage and bills you know"

I got back "Oh look at you Mrs high and mighty with your morgage and no kids to keep you poor , You think your so much better than me handing out money then harassing people for it back!Your no better than a loan shark"

Harassing? I mentioned it once on the 28th and then today hows that harassment?

Unless you're charging her 200% interest you are actually better than a loan shark. She sounds nuts - leave it for a few days and see what happens, if she doesn't mention it again or give you the money back, drop her.

sashafierce

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