Boyfriends dishonesty

LC2010HIS

Hello all
Been with this great guy for over a month now.
Thing is, hes been texting other girls.

About 2weeks ago his ex texted him : "Hi babyxxxxxxx" and i pointed out how that was inappropriate (this girl i had issues with in the past). He said he wouldnt text her anymore. Grand . Forgotten..

2 nights ago we were out for a drink and he got a text from a girl i noticed he spoke to on facebook. I said jokily "whose that" and he immediately lied and said one of the lads names. Her name, in caps, was on the top of the text.... I said i saw it and he said shes just a friend whose a regular at the restaurant he works at...

Then said he didnt tell me the truth cause id "get like this" .....he lied to me? I mean, why lie if she was "a friend"

And making matters worse, when he returned to his inbox, i saw his ex's name along with 42 messages next to her name. He said he wouldnt text her anymore. Another lie. Despite knowing how i feel about her...

Plus, on his FB he has made friends with all random girls.

And im his girlfriend?

Anyone else think this is way outta line or am i overreacting?
Considering, i dont text my regulars from my work

:(Dunno what to do!

Ava Adored

I don't think your overreacting to be honest. It's perfectly reasonable to assume something is wrong. That he has been lying to you is a problem, lies mean he's hiding things and doesn't want the truth getting out.

To be honest he sounds like a bit of a 'ladys man'! Yes he can have female friends but if he's texting them all the time, then maybe ask him why he feels he needs to text/facebook them?

I know how you feel, my old boyfriend lied to me too about these sort of things, and it was the lying and dishonesty that drove us apart. Maybe sit him down and tell him that your worried, hopefully he will see why it's making you feel concerned. Good luck!

LC2010HIS

Theres other stuff too
Like, I just dont feel im getting enough attention from him either.

Ava Adored

Is he affectionate in any way? Or does he seem distracted?

I wasn't getting enough attention either. Knowing he was busy texting these girls made my thoughts worse too, he was giving "them" the attention that me, as his "girlfriend", should have been getting. So, I know what you mean by those worries

Sardonicat

OP

You don't have any right to demand that your bf no longer remain friends with his ex or have female friends. If you feel as though he may be cultivating friendships with girls in order to cheat with them and feel as though you are not getting enough attention from him then the obvious thing to do is to end the relationship. Trying to control him and watching over his shoulder won't change it. It is unacceptable and controlling to tell people who they can and can't communicate with.

LC2010HIS

^^ I dont want to control anyone!
Its the fact he lied is upsetting me........ and frankily, i feel sick right now over the lot of it since my friend reckons it doesnt sound good.....

pastry2010

I know it's easier said then done but I'd text or ring and tell him you've had enough give him the ultimatium and if he walk away he's not worth it! Don't get close to him it wilm be harder to walk away if you stay! The first month is suppost to be the best if he doesn't pay you enough attention at the start he will be worse a year down the road!! I have been with a man like that and they are never happy unless getting attention from several women to make them feel better about themselves - really sad! You deserve 10 times better! If he agrees to stop I'd make it pretty clear if you feel he is going back on his word you will be gone
Good luck op
Px

LC2010HIS

i think im gonna just ask him straight is he cheating....

just found out that the girl he lied about lives right next to the restaurant.....

And now that I think of it, the other night, he refused to walk past there despite him not living in this area and i do.

Wow. I think its obvious now isnt it?

Sardonicat

OP, you said you asked him to stop contacting his ex. That is controlling who he can and can't be friends with. TBH, I'm not surprised he lied, though I'm not defending it. Personally, I would be telling you were to go.

You see, I have a lot of male friends, and when they get into relationships like this I keep my mouth shut for fear of being accused of having alterior motives. I've also lost a few due to controlling gf's who see me aas some kind of threat (which i find deeply offensive as I have never been with another woman's man in my life!) but when a female friend confides in me that her BF has attemted to have a say into who she can be in a friendship with I always advise her to dump him.

You don't trust this guy, maybe your fears are warranted. On top of that, you don't feel you are getting the kind of attention a gf deserves. Maybe he is a player. Maybe, you are high maintenace who is insecure and needs to be the only woman in you BF's life. Maybe it is both, but it's not neither. Worrying over who he is and isn't texting and trying to control this won't stop him cheating. If you are not getting the amount of attention you would like from a bf, end the realtionship and move on.

Quit the drama.

Ava Adored

Yes, ask him straight out. It does seem way too obvious! When situations add up like that, it's because they ARE all related and you do have reason to doubt what he has been telling you. Don't let him lie to you or hurt you any longer, talk to him asap!

LC2010HIS

Sardonicat wrote: »

OP

You don't have any right to demand that your bf no longer remain friends with his ex or have female friends. If you feel as though he may be cultivating friendships with girls in order to cheat with them and feel as though you are not getting enough attention from him then the obvious thing to do is to end the relationship. Trying to control him and watching over his shoulder won't change it. It is unacceptable and controlling to tell people who they can and can't communicate with.

If his ex was anyone else, I wouldnt care. Im trying not to go into detail but this girl made my life hell and everyone has experienced her poison. She always does this in our town. When she has a boyf, she doesnt want him. Then when any guy who has been associated with her gets together with someone else, she will stop at nothing to break them up. She has a rep for this.....She has issues. Lets leave it at that.

He can have female friends. I have male friends.
Its the fact he lied! And not to mention theres a thread on facebook dating about 6weeks back of him basically asking who she is! So ya, it doesnt seem appropriate to me at all!

pastry2010

Sardonicat wrote: »

OP, you said you asked him to stop contacting his ex. That is controlling who he can and can't be friends with. TBH, I'm not surprised he lied, though I'm not defending it. Personally, I would be telling you were to go.

You see, I have a lot of male friends, and when they get into relationships like this I keep my mouth shut for fear of being accused of having alterior motives. I've also lost a few due to controlling gf's who see me aas some kind of threat (which i find deeply offensive as I have never been with another woman's man in my life!) but when a female friend confides in me that her BF has attemted to have a say into who she can be in a friendship with I always advise her to dump him.

You don't trust this guy, maybe your fears are warranted. On top of that, you don't feel you are getting the kind of attention a gf deserves. Maybe he is a player. Maybe, you are high maintenace who is insecure and needs to be the only woman in you BF's life. Maybe it is both, but it's not neither. Worrying over who he is and isn't texting and trying to control this won't stop him cheating. If you are not getting the amount of attention you would like from a bf, end the realtionship and move on.

Quit the drama.

I dont think you are being very fair here, The girl has the right to be with someone who is loyal and gives her enough attention - Its not drama, this is not something she brought on herself he is the one acting like a twat!

Op - I dont think you should ask him because you know something is up, you may not know what exactly but I think you should state that his behaviour is not good enough for you and if he wants a relationship he has to stop the flirty texts and regular communication with other women. I have male friends...I dont contact them call them baby with x's......

Px

LC2010HIS

pastry2010 wrote: »

I have male friends...I dont contact them call them baby with x's......

Hey! It was actaually her texting that to him

Sorry i didnt make myself clearer:P

But ya, if an ex had the balls to text me that despite knowing i was with someone, i would cut them off and focus on my boyf
I feel i dont get that from him at all........and i feel i should...

Sardonicat

If he's cheating, do you actually believe he will be honest? If he says no, will you trust him and accept that? Or will you continue to obsess about who he is texting and where his female friends live. It seems strange that he would want a gf who gives him so much earache at all if he is cheating with his ex and the girl who lives around the corner from work. You'd hardly be worth the hassle if he's getting his jollies from so many different sources. It seems to me he is lying and keeping you away from his workplace because he doens't want the third degree. Carry on like this and you won't have to worry much longer 'cos he'll dump you.

Sardonicat

LC2010HIS wrote: »

I feel i dont get that from him at all........and i feel i should...

So why are you still with him?

pastry2010

Thats what I meant - We are all allowed have friends of the oppisite sex but when they call him baby and put x's on it thats where the line is, and I think your dead right! Maybe other people would be able to ignore it or say it's not your right to demand who he talks to but I assure you I would not...it's called respect! if you feel its not right then usually it's not.

Your not over reacting, Something has to be said!

Good Luck!
Px

LC2010HIS

Sardonicat wrote: »

. It seems strange that he would want a gf who gives him so much earache.

Actually, for all the evidence thats facing me, I havent once argued with him over any of this.
Literally my orginal post is all ive said to him

Inappropriate. And thats exactly what it was. End of.



..Feeling very sick to the stomach atm

pastry2010

Sardonicat wrote: »

If he's cheating, do you actually believe he will be honest? If he says no, will you trust him and accept that? Or will you continue to obsess about who he is texting and where his female friends live. It seems strange that he would want a gf who gives him so much earache at all if he is cheating with his ex and the girl who lives around the corner from work. You'd hardly be worth the hassle if he's getting his jollies from so many different sources. It seems to me he is lying and keeping you away from his workplace because he doens't want the third degree. Carry on like this and you won't have to worry much longer 'cos he'll dump you.

I think this is completely unnecessary and that is just mean!!I think you must still be angry from girlfriends from your past....Let it go PAL!

Sardonicat

pastry2010 wrote: »

I think this is completely unnecessary and that is just mean!!I think you must still be angry from girlfriends from your past....Let it go PAL!

Thanks. if you care to go back and read over my posts you will see that I have established I am a woman. Please do not be abusive to me in this thread.

The OP has asked for advice and is getting some advice from various famale perspectives. i don't mean to be harsh, i'm telling her honestly how the situation is coming across to me. she seems to be waisting a lot of emotional energy on someone who isn't making her happy. the red flag issue here is the lack of attention he is giving her. as an older female who's been there and done that my advice is to just get out of the relationship now. Either hye is chheating,in which case he's no loss, or he isn't and she will drive him away. Either way it's time to bale out, IMO.

LC2010HIS

I appreciate everyones 2cents on this...

and maybe a guys pov too if theres any around the forum at the minute?

pastry2010

Apologies, I had thought you were a man and that you thought I was being agressive but I do feel your post was putting this girl down for having concerns that ALL women have at least once in their lives and I feel you may have come across the wrong way in the way you worded things.

Chucky the tree

The reaons he's lying because he knows the grief he will get if he tells the truth. The fact he said he knew you'd "Get like this" means you obviously have problems with him having females friends and jealousy issues. I'd end it now, going out a few months and he's already lying.

Sardonicat

pastry2010 wrote: »

Apologies, I had thought you were a man and that you thought I was being agressive but I do feel your post was putting this girl down for having concerns that ALL women have at least once in their lives and I feel you may have come across the wrong way in the way you worded things.

Aplogies accepted. However the fact that justify the tone of that post on the basis that you thought i was a guy is telling of your attitiude to guys, IMO. Why would it be acceptable to be abusive to a guy and not a woman? i'm asking this not to pick a fight but more on a point of reflection that i think is pertinent to the topic of the thread. I mean no offense.

Yes, we all have had these concerns, they are not exclusive to women. i'm not putting anyone down , especially for having concerns and while i may be coming across as harsh it is because i used to engage in this kind of self torture the op is and a lot of women do. Hanging on (or holding out for) a realtionship where you can't trust your oh and constantly doubting what he's doing. I don't think we an conclude he is cheating, though he could be of course.

The point being, forbidding him from keeping in contact with an ex won't stop that from happening and I still think it is out of order to demand that he stop, regardless of this girls previous. A decent guy won't cheat with her and a text from her won't induce him to. forbidding him from texting her won't stop him if he's a player. The OP has my sympathy but please, the way you are handling this won't resolve anything and may make things worse.

If your not happy (and your not, you've repeatedly said that you feel sick to the pit of your stomach - I know that one!) then, i urge you, do yourself a big favour and end it now.

S23

OP has asked for a male perspective so I'll give her mine. It's a lengthy post because it struck a chord with me going back to when I was a bit younger and being involved in this type of relationship, albeit quite briefly.

You're going out with this guy a month.

2 weeks ago his ex text him and you got on his case about it.
2 nights ago a girl you 'noticed' he talks to on facebook text him and he told a fib about it being her. He said he did this because he knew you'd 'get like this' if he did. You then go on to say why would he lie if she was just 'a friend'. It seems to me you're very quick to start making implications based on sweet fcuk all.

Can you not see a correlation between the two? It doesn't make not telling the truth right but I can see his point of view to a degree on it. You were going out 2 weeks when you started questioning who he could and couldn't message and questioning his motives. At the stage of 2 weeks it's not even nessicarily a 'relationship' in the usual sense of the word. It could merely turn out to be a string of 3-4-5 dates. I know I saw plenty of girls for 2-3-4 weeks when I was younger and I didn't qualify them as 'relationships'. And I know for damn sure what my reaction would have been if after a couple of weeks I'd had questions raised over who I could text or stuff like that.

You then go on to complain about him being freinds with girls on facebook. Personally, reading threads on here, I think facebook can be poison. I know the internet is a big part of our culture now but that particular site has led to a whole sh*tstorm for many, many posters on here. Anyway, back to the point, though, what does it matter who he friends on facebook? Again you immediately correlated him talking to/texting/facebooking other women to some implication of infidelity. You might not see it that way but this is what jumps off the page at me.


His ex text him. You got the hump. His friend text him. You got the hump. He made friends with other women on facebook. You got the hump. It seems your first reaction is to assume he's up to something.

You then complain about not getting enough attention from him. Exactly how much attention are you looking for in a month long 'relationship'? I know plenty of people that might have only seen each other a handful of times in the first month they started going out. Sometimes it fizzles out to nothing and sometimes it grows into more. However I'm not quite sure what level of attention it is you're looking for at this early stage. Not everyone wants to be lovey dovey, lets see each other everyday and talk/text constantly right from the off.

Now, for a second, let me just say he may be a cheater. He may be an asshole. He may be trying to bang every woman under the sun. What I will say is that nothing you've told me suggests strongly that he is. You seem to jump to the conclusion he's up to something every chance you get. A girl lives near the restaurant and he didn't walk that way one evening so you want to think it's 'obvious now' that he was probably cheating. Honest to god that's just not right. Again, I'll repeat, I give you no assurances he's not up to anything but I just don't see your basis for jumping to all these conclusions.

Next thing you mentione is a thread 6 weeks old on facebook of him asking who some girl is? Is that not what people do on facebook? Talk and make friends and banter etc...? What the fcuk are you doing going back over pages and pages and stalking his past conversations from before you were dating? Honestly take a look at how you are behaving.

What you are in severe danger of doing is a) chasing him off or b) turning this into a self fulfilling prophecy.

I will agree with you on one thing, though, he should have been straight with you and said 'look my ex is a friend and I'm not simply going to cut contact with her'. Hopefully you'd have taken that like an adult and you all could have moved on. I do get the impression, though, that he probably told his porkies because he didn't want the hassle of dealing with you everytime he gets a text. I mean what were you doing going through his phone reading these texts and checking his history to see he had 42 texts and seeing the name of the girl from the restaurant who text him. Does he have a phone with a 20 foot screen. You didn't 'just happen' to see all these things.

This may sound harsh or brutal or whatever but this is just me trying to be honest. You seem like a lot of drama and a lot of hard work. You had a problem with his ex texting him. You don't get enough 'attention' in an embryonic relationship. You've read his texts and text history. You've stalked his facebook page. You have a problem with him adding other women on facebook. It's all really OTT from where I am standing. You seem very, very, very intense. You jump to a lot of conclusions.He didn't help matters by telling porkies. You both sound very yound and/or very immature to be perfectly honest. By the way as slow as men can be sometimes don't think he doesn't pick things up without you having to say them directly to him either.

Anyway, you're not getting what you want out of the relationship and have constantly voiced your displeasure with the state of affairs. So why, if you are so convinced he is cheating, doesn't give you enough attention and makes you feel sick in the pit of your stomach, are you still with him? You seem to be getting nothing but doubt and suspicion and upset from this. A month is nothing so it's not like you've invested heavily in this fledgling relationship. You seem to have gotten nothing but negatives from it so why not just end it?

LC2010HIS

I dont want to end it cause I really like him. The only issues i have are the texting. Its making me feel like im not offering him enough that he has to keep texting his ex and a random girl or "friend" ....Its upsetting and i feel hes not giving us a fair shot cause it seems hes keeping his options open....

Hes 23, Im 20.

glasto

It shouldn't be this much hassle after one month. I think you need to back off a little and see how he reacts.

LC2010HIS

glasto wrote: »

It shouldn't be this much hassle after one month. I think you need to back off a little and see how he reacts.

I know thats why its worrying that my new boyfriend is texting these 2 girls infront of me.
Like, I respect him enough not to text infront of him. Its rude.



FYI im not going through anyones phone! He had it right out infront of me. Im not blind!

Fittle

Every single time one of these posts pops up, you'll get the replies 'You are trying to control him' or 'You should not have looked at his phone' or similar (I know that wasn't the case here OP, but you know what I'm talking about).

And that is NEVER, ever the point.

The point is that you are going out with this guy, and he should not be replying to flirty texts from other women if he is in a relationship with you, end of!!!

If he wants to go out with you properly then he'll stop replying, or ask these 'friends' to stop texting him - he may or may not have actually cheated (physically) with any of them, but how can he even begin to make something of your relationship, when he is 'attached' to other women, even if it is only via text messages???

Texting - the ruination of relationships as we know them...:(:(

John400

LC2010HIS wrote: »

I know thats why its worrying that my new boyfriend is texting these 2 girls infront of me.
Like, I respect him enough not to text infront of him. Its rude.

OP, as a male on here, i'll echo what another poster has already alluded to..why the hell are you still with this guy?

Yes, he shouldn't be texting girls in front of you it's rude, but he just shouldn't be doing it at all in the first place.

He's going out with you not his phone.

There's nothing wrong with him catching up with other people but he's quite clearly overdoing it. And i agree with what another poster said, he's probably a bit of a ladies man, which means you'll probably need eyes in the back of your head to see what he's up to, half the time.

I think the fact that he's texting other girls only spells disaster for this relationship, if not now, most certainly later. How can you trust the guy?

Nidot

S23 really has to be listened to here.

From reading your posts it is coming across as you are obsessing about the actions of this guy. Yes a gf should be allowed to think about the actions of her bf but not to the extent you are.

My advice would be for you to back off for a while a see where it goes. You obviously at the moment have trust issues with him so staying with him will only result in you pulling your hair out in frustration.

John400

Nidot wrote: »

Yes a gf should be allowed to think about the actions of her bf but not to the extent you are.

She's going out with a guy who continually texts other girls and she can't question it?

Chucky the tree

John400 wrote: »

She's going out with a guy who continually texts other girls and she can't question it?

Not unless she wants to look like a bunny boiler. Is he meant to ignore all females friends now he's going out with the OP?

LC2010HIS

Ok im gonna try and be clearer.

That girl he lied about works in my building and lives near my house and he hasnt mentioned her? Ever?

If she was a friend ...why hasnt she come up? See??!? He lied to me and said she was a guy.

And plus, my bf doesnt live in our town. So how does all that sound now?
He made "friends" with someone who is living nearby and works next door to me and yet, she never came up?????


Now, how the fúck am i meant to think?
And the thread bout 4-6weeks ago, was between them ! from what i read, it was pretty clear it was a random add! And hes texting her?
And shes such a "friend" ,her full name is in his phone.....

So excuse me if im wondering is my boyfriend calling into her on the way back home!

Fittle

Chucky the tree wrote: »

Not unless she wants to look like a bunny boiler. Is he meant to ignore all females friends now he's going out with the OP?

Do you not get it?

They aren't his female friends:rolleyes: They are randomers who he added as friends on facebooks, ex-girlfriends etc. He is keeping his options open OP - defo keeping them in the loop should things not work out with you.

Dump him would be my advice - you'll never trust him.

booboo88

LC2010HIS wrote: »

Ok im gonna try and be clearer.

That girl he lied about works in my building and lives near my house and he hasnt mentioned her? Ever?

If she was a friend ...why hasnt she come up? See??!? He lied to me and said she was a guy.

And plus, my bf doesnt live in our town. So how does all that sound now?
He made "friends" with someone who is living nearby and works next door to me and yet, she never came up?????


Now, how the fúck am i meant to think?
And the thread bout 4-6weeks ago, was between them ! from what i read, it was pretty clear it was a random add! And hes texting her?
And shes such a "friend" ,her full name is in his phone.....

So excuse me if im wondering is my boyfriend calling into her on the way back home!

Your going out togethr for a month, you are not gonna know all of his friends.
If you dont trust him then dump him. your not happy, hes not, why bother?

LC2010HIS

I really dont want to end it.. This is all so confusing

Like, hes brought me home to meet his family and hes met mine.
Why would you do that if your cheating?

He asked me to go out with him? I mean, no one forced him to. If we were still dating and he was texting these girls, I wouldnt be upset right now cause i know i wouldnt be able to say anything.

But im with him. And its like, hes showing me one thing and doing another.......

booboo88

LC2010HIS wrote: »

I really dont want to end it.. This is all so confusing

Like, hes brought me home to meet his family and hes met mine.
Why would you do that if your cheating?

He asked me to go out with him? I mean, no one forced him to. If we were still dating and he was texting these girls, I wouldnt be upset right now cause i know i wouldnt be able to say anything.

But im with him. And its like, hes showing me one thing and doing another.......

Just because ye've met each others family doesnt mean its set in stone.

actions speak louder than words. but your words scream unhappiness. you win some you lose some.
just because you really like him doesnt mean hes good for you

Fittle

This really boils down to what you consider cheating OP.

Do you consider him texting other women as cheating?

Or would he have to be meeting them, having sex with them etc, for you to consider it cheating?

It's really about where YOUR boundaries are, doesn't really matter what anyone on boards says.

S23

LC2010HIS wrote: »

Ok im gonna try and be clearer.

That girl he lied about works in my building and lives near my house and he hasnt mentioned her? Ever?

If she was a friend ...why hasnt she come up? See??!? He lied to me and said she was a guy.

And plus, my bf doesnt live in our town. So how does all that sound now?

It sounds like you're an overly zealous and extremely jealous kid who isn't mature enough to be in a relationship yet and has a theory for everything that he does or says.

Fittle wrote: »

Do you not get it?

They aren't his female friends They are randomers who he added as friends on facebooks, ex-girlfriends etc. He is keeping his options open OP - defo keeping them in the loop should things not work out with you.

Can I ask why he wouldn't do this? They are a couple of kids who have been 'going out' a wet weekend. He has no idea if this is going anywhere. As I said before there seems to be the expectation of a level of commitment and attention expected that just isn't par for the course at this stage of a relationship. Sure some people go very serious from the start but not everyone does. I mean things aren't exactly going brilliantly are they so, while some people won't like it, he's not going to tell every single woman he knows to go take a running jump. They've being going out no time at all. It could all end next week.

booboo88 wrote: »

Your going out togethr for a month, you are not gonna know all of his friends.
If you dont trust him then dump him. your not happy, hes not, why bother?

Precisely. You've a theory for every little thing. If I don't know who she is then he must be up to something. If he's never mentioned her before then he must be up to something. He has her full name in his phone so he must be up to something.

He's not showing you one thing and doing another. You're assuming a whole lot of things about him. I honestly think it comes down to lack of maturity. You seem to have massive expectations of what you get in a month long relationship.

You even think it's rude to text other girls in your presence? Honestly you sound miserable and like you're driving yourself nuts.

I'll put it this way. Let's say he's not up to anything at all and it's all completely innocent. Where do you go from here? Your suspicion and constant questioning of everything he does isn't going to get any better from here on in from what I can see. Are you going to stay miserable and suspicious forever and wonder about every woman he has contact with?

And lets say he is cheating on you with 8 other women. You're not going to want to be with him then are you? I don't see how you can get much out of this at all.

I get what a lot of posters are on here backing you up and saying. However there is one big thing that stops me being in the same boat as them because I would be inclined to be far more critical of this guy in other circumstances.

However, the mitigating factors here are. You're both very young, you're both very immature and you're only going out a month. There has been no huge commitment made in this relationship. You have not invested greatly in terms of emotions or time. There seems to be a ridiculous amount of expectation for such and early stage of a relationship. A stage of a relationship where, for a vast many people, it is still in the very casual stages.

Fittle

It's called repsect S23.

He shouldn't be texting his ex girlfriend and some randomer from facebook, IN FRONT of his current girlfriend. Never mind the level of commitment involved - she is his girlfriend. If he had any respect for her, he wouldn't text these other girls in front of her, regardless of whether he's texting them behind her back or not.

Katgurl

Am I missing something here?

Wasn't it the ex who texted him 'babe. Xxx' or whatever and not the other way around? And didn't he add that girl on fb before he met his current girlfriend.

Sorry but I am a girl and I demand respect in a relationship more than most but to me, given they've been dating a MONTH I think the op needs give herself a shake.

She doesn't own him and he doesn't need account for every single action. If he is cheating that's different story but this just sounds like mildly flirtatious interactions that are pretty normal.

I'm with s23 on this one, sorry op.

S23

Seriously get a grip.

I know what respect is. Talking to an ex or another woman doesn't show lack of respect whatsoever. Only a bunny boiler could build it up into some massive sign of disrespect.

Texting another woman 'IN FRONT OF HER'!!!! Won't somebody please think of the children :rolleyes:

How anyone can equate a simple thing like replying to a text as being disrespectful is beyond me. He's punching some numbers on a keypad and typing a message. It's something that most people do 20 times a day. Seriously, you'd have to have some major issues (maturity being one of them) to equate sending a text with being disrespectful.

I text other women in the presence of my girlfriend and she manages to not feel disrespected or offended. Then again she's a mature, self confident, secure and emotionally mature adult.

Texting in front of a GF = Disrespectful :rolleyes:
Honestly, I've heard some rubbish on here but that takes the biscuit

I am a friend

Ah hon, it's only going on acouple if months and your head is wrecked already. Why are you torturing yourself ? No one is worth this in saying that I reckon there are faults on both sides. But save yourself months of grief and move on

Fittle

S23 wrote: »

Texting in front of a GF = Disrespectful :rolleyes:
Honestly, I've heard some rubbish on here but that takes the biscuit

Who said texting in front a girlfriend was disrespectful

In case you were referring to me, what i said was texting women he is keeping as his back-up, in case his current girlfriend doesn't stick around, in front of his girlfriend, is disrespectful.

S23

Fittle wrote: »

It's called repsect S23.

He shouldn't be texting his ex girlfriend and some randomer from facebook, IN FRONT of his current girlfriend.

LC2010HIS wrote: »

I know thats why its worrying that my new boyfriend is texting these 2 girls infront of me.
Like, I respect him enough not to text infront of him. Its rude.

You didn't qualify the 'if he's texting these women to keep them as back up' part whatsoever.

And furthermore we have no proof or indication that he's texting anyone as backup other than the OP's various theories and suspicions. She's a very,very insecure girl and seems to be willing to leap to conclusions at the drop of a hat.

His ex is his ex for a reason. As for texting another 'randomer' as people are refering to this other girl as I can give you my perspective.

All of my friends, both male and female, were strangers at some stage. I've made various new friends through every year of my life. I don't see what's wrong with anyone making new friends. Again, there isn't a shred of proof the OP is up to anything. Is he not allowed talk to new people and make new friends? We have no proof he's trying to bed these women at all.

His one major sin here was fibbing about who he was texting. He was wrong to do so I agree. However, given the way the OP is obsessing, I don't think it's too big a stretch to say there's a strong possibility he may have done so because he has a fair idea the OP doesn't react well to another other female contact.

The bottom line is they both acted immaturely and the OP is getting nothing out of this except for self doubt, doubting her OH, feeling a lack of attention and 'sick to the pit of her stomach'. There is absolutely no grounds to continue such a posionous relationship.

I think the OP needs to move on. Take a step back and re-evaluate what it is she's likely to get from a 1 month relationship with the next guy she dates.

This guy might be up to something or he might be up to nothing but it's seriously not healthy to always assume the worst and jump to drastic conclusions.

pastry2010

I think it's obvious what you need to do here op, you will have yourself tortured unless you confront him - but do it in the right way, you dont have any proof its cheating just texts and I know its hurtful but If you tell him that you feel a little uncomfortable with him texting other women, (that are not friends) and if they are freinds you will look forward to meeting them in the future! This relationship wont work if you dont speak to him regarding your concerns, the tension will build and build and it will be a nasty break up because you are resenting him already. My Boyfriend texts the odd girl that would text him about work or a generic text like ''Happy New Years'' and I am fine with this but any ''baby'' or ''x's'' and I d be asking serious questions!

Dont be afraid to have this talk with him!

Regards
Px

miec

Now, how the fúck am i meant to think?
And the thread bout 4-6weeks ago, was between them ! from what i read, it was pretty clear it was a random add! And hes texting her?
And shes such a "friend" ,her full name is in his phone.....

So excuse me if im wondering is my boyfriend calling into her on the way back home!

So why stay with him, why settle for so little?

Novella

Oh OP, you've been together for a month, it's not meant to be like this. I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but I remember some previous threads of yours - one looking for signs, how a girl can tell that a guy likes her and one to do with a girl thinking about her ex a year after they'd broken up. I presume these are in relation to you? In my opinion, what you need to do is stop analysing every single little thing. To be honest, that'd drive me bloody crazy.

Your boyfriends ex texted him... How is that his fault? You then ask him to cut contact with the girl. Fine. You say you have your reasons. Then you notice he is texting another girl, you see her name and yet you ask who he is texting. YOU KNEW. It's obvious he wasn't hiding if he had his phone out and you could see. Imagine how you'd feel if every time you got a text, he'd ask, "Hey, who are you texting?". Give the guy a break. He's entitled to have some privacy, you know.

This part of a relationship is meant to be fun. If you're not happy, break up with him. If you want to be with him, seriously, ease off on the clingy girlfriend act. If a guy is gonna cheat on you, he'll cheat. Worrying about who he texts, adds on Facebook etc., it's a waste of time and energy. Just try enjoy yourself, you're young.

Tar.Aldarion

I'd lie too if I thought you'd act like this! Tbh just ask him why he lied and so forth, really making too big a deal of it for yourself without a need.

Distorted

Granted they have only been going out a month, and usually at that stage, you are still quite shy around each other's boundaries inc personal friends etc..

But a girl likes to pick up signs from a boyfriend that they are really into them at this stage, and that they are special to them. Just about every guy I've dated, whose phone has beeped while he's been with me, has looked at it, sighed and switched it off. One did take a call and explained who it was and politely got them off the phone. If a guy was texting girls while he was with me, it would be a sign to me that he was too much into attention from other girls and wasn't good boyfriend material.

Now, I can't say that in these circumstances, a month in, I would have ignored it and given him the benefit of the doubt or not. But the OP has clearly noticed if for some reason, and I suspect the reason is not because the texting is really bad, but its because her instincts are telling her this guy isn't behaving quite as a decent guy who is going to make a good boyfriend would at this stage in a relationship.

FWIW OP I usually steer well clear of men who spend other than a very minimal time on FB. I like my men to be a bit more substantial and less metrosexual than that. FB is for social networking. Men who are on it all the time are a bit too gossipy/fishwifey for my liking. Some of them also seem to think of it as an online dating agency and contact you randomly, thinking you'll be flattered. Its a bit of a red flag.

It might be considered old fashioned to think that a guy should only be in frequent contact with one girl at a time. If so, most decent guys still seem to behave this way. OP I don't think you sound that comfortable with the way this guy is behaving and I don't think its a good sign.

S23

Distorted wrote: »

It might be considered old fashioned to think that a guy should only be in frequent contact with one girl at a time. If so, most decent guys still seem to behave this way.

So that would preclude him from keeping regular contact with his female friends because he's seeing the OP otherwise he doesn't qualify as a 'decent guy'? Nonsense. You sound as insecure as she is.