Learning to accept your body.

LegacyUser

Would prefer to go unreg for this.

So...

Does anyone have any tips on learning to accept your body how it is?

I know I should be happy as I'm healthy and fit, but at the moment my body is really getting me down at the moment. I'm a 34A cup and quite slim, because I'm so small in the boob department I've always felt very unfeminine but now its got to the point where I hate my whole body.

I'm obsessed, feel very inadequate and repulsed by myself. I grew up reading the beauty myth etc so I don't understand how I've suddenly started to feel this bad about things in my twenties.

So does anyone have any tips on just accepting yourself the way you are?

I'd never get a boob job and I do exercise so I don't know what else I can do.

Fluorescence

I dunno, it's difficult to say,

On one hand, I hate the campaign at the minute going on about "real women" (read: overweight or obese), and learning to love your body as it is, because let's face it: if you're morbidly obese you shouldn't really be happy with your body as it is, you should want to change it for a plethora of health and aesthetic reasons.

However, if as you say, you are fit and healthy, then I don't see why you shouldn't be happy in yourself. People come in all different shapes and sizes, and so long as your not extremely over or under weight, you are beautiful. Tbh, I think most healthy people do have attractive bodies, so it's likely that you do have your own brand of beauty. You don't need to be tanned to fcuk, with perfect hair and massive tits to be gorgeous. I guess picking out what bodily features you like about yourself would help you to accept your body more readily.

Mercy Seat

Pretty tricky one there, really. It's something I'm still coming to terms with after 10 years of eating disorders (while generally ignoring the 'ideal beauty' thing for most other people, but completely hating on myself).

For me, I've found that my happiness with my body has kind of come with happiness with myself. I don't think I'll ever love it, but I've more or less accepted it now. Obsessing over it is probably the worst thing you could do, though I understand how difficult it can be to stop.

Maybe making a dedicated effort to do things that make you happy, could help. For me (and sorry I keep referring back to myself, but I don't know you, I don't know what will or won't work for you, but I can relate to your post, and can only share my own experience), having supportive friends, getting more involved in sports, walking, nature, community stuff - just pursuing all the things that make me feel good, that are 'good for my soul' - has brought about an increasing sense of happiness and acceptance in my whole self.

The more I think about my body, analyse it, measure it, look at it from every angle in the mirror, the more I feel like crap, the more likely I am to try control my weight/shape etc and the more likely I am to feel miserable, and start hating on myself more.

I can't remember any one moment that I looked in the mirror and thought 'oh, I kinda like how that looks', but over the last year, I've become a lot more comfortable in my body, little by little, and have even worn things like dresses and figure hugging (well, kinda) clothes in public places, which is a thousand lightyears away from the old me. I've barely changed shape (my weight still yoyos up and down a fair bit), but my perspective on myself, my place in the world and my values in life have changed, and it's made a huge difference.

I don't know if this will mean anything to you, or you'll be able to relate to it, but hopefully it will help a little, or trigger an idea that could help you yourself.

Princess Peach

I've also had eating disorders and I don't really think I'll ever be happy with my looks.

Find at least one feature you like about yourself and accentuate it! Know your body type and what kind of clothes flatter you. It makes me cringe so much to see beautiful women who are just wearing the wrong kind of clothes! I know for me I like to wear something thats not tight around my stomach, but is fairly short and shows off my legs, which I think are fairly nice :P I also really like my hair, so will try and wear it nice a lot.

So when your feeling nervous about how you look and your going somewhere, just remember what you like about yourself and try to show these parts off to others

liah

I'm actually fairly happy with what I've got. It's certainly not perfect, but it works for me, and it is me, and it's not like anyone's perfect anyway so who cares.

Can't really remember the last time it bothered me.

OP - what matters most is how you carry yourself and how you feel in your own skin. Sometimes slender can be extremely beautiful, especially relatively flat chested, if it can be carried with some amount of confidence. Same goes with bigger women. The same goes with men. As long as you can be confident in yourself and comfortable, then it's beautiful.

carolinespring

As a woman who when at my slimist was a size 12 and was sure I was FAT and at a size 24 hated myself. Felt I was worthless and now at a 18 feel happy with myself. I am at the stage and age (37) that I know my own mind and can see all my good points. I have a fantastic marrage, great body image for the first time in my life. 18 months ago I was 18 stone and am now 14 or under (stopped weighting myself about 6 months ago and it was the best thing I ever did) and aim to eat as good as I can for my body, I do about 80% of the time. I spent to long abusing my body and now want to treat it with the love it deserves.

When I lost the first couple of stone I felt good and than got to a stage that I could not stop thinging about weighing in and if I was a pound up it ws the end of the world, with the support of another Boardies I stopped the WIs and it felt great. I use my clothes as a guide and aim for a size 14. It will take time buit I will get to it.

I also started taking care of myself for the first time, face packs, doing my hair, make u and making sure to dress nice and going for long walks. I started to feel really pretty, sexy and happy. It really is the little things that make us feel good about ourself and to keep reminding ourself how great we are. I never run myself down now. Before I would call myself a fat cow ,ugly etc but NEVER again. I am great and it makes me mad it look me so long to figure it out!!!

Josh_Calvert

Small breasts are my favourite...pert and perky is by far more attractive than any other size.Not that approval from men is going fix your self esteem issue...is breast insecurity similar to the penis insecurity us guys have? If so, it's probably a bad place to be psychologically.

Anyway women are deluded about their attractiveness- either they think they're goddesses or they think they're desperately unattractive.In reality most of us are average...and what's wrong with that?

No guy gives a damn whether a girl has big breasts or small breasts,blonde hair or brown...feeling good about yourself is the key thing to being attractive.Big breasts aren't universally favoured by guys and I can't imagine it's of importance for women really.Being happy with yourself and owning your insecurities are the best ways to feeling sexy...confidence and being happy in your own skin are what it's all about.

Anyway for what it's worth, to me small breasts are INCREDIBLY sexy and I know I'm not the only guy who thinks so.Accept who you are, improve what you can and learn to love yourself

Eve_Dublin

I live in Madrid and most of the women there would have your body type and they're gorgeous. It's a very different size to me and what I see in Ireland...I'm about a 8 on top, 10 at the bottom when the average there would easily be a 6/8 and most women would have a small bust. I don't have hang ups on my body generally..I take reasonably good care of it, particularly in the last few years but when I moved there first I felt clumsy and big but after a few months, I accepted that I'm simply another body type and not any less because of it. A small frame can be really beautiful...it's petite and feminine and if were talking men here, a lot of men really go for that size.

This might be a mad idea for you but if you can, get naked and spend as much time in your nuddy as possible. I think part of our problem in Ireland is we spend most of the year wrapped up against the elements and kind of see our body as a transportation for our heads as supposed to part of us. We don't see our bodies so were not used to them. Turn the heating on, get naked for an hour a day and go about your business in that state and soon it'll feel part of you again and you'll learn to love it.

That sounds like a mad suggestion but I'm telling you it works.

Don't forget there's no standard beauty regardless of what's shoved down our throats

Quiet you

For what it's worth seeing as it seems from your post that your issue isn't so much with your body but your chest I'm with Josh_Calvert.

A big chest is just more noticeable, thats why they get looks and comments. From the point of view of (sober) friends, chest size means little to nothing and honestly a small chest is a major turn on for me.

I know this is a serious post so I'll try and phrase this as PC as I can. In reality, if I was out and had a choice between someone of your shape and someone with DD's (if only that would happen) I'd pick you in a heartbeat. From my point of view everything just sits better with women of your shape and as the years go on everything will stay where they should be.

I'm sorry if it's not my place to say that but it's an honest opinion and as for any other woman out there I may have insulted I'm sorry too. I like all shapes and sizes, just have a thing for smaller ones.

neveah

Every woman always finds something wrong with herself at some stage in her life. The media/advertising prey on this because insecurity means you will buy their product.

When I think of 'real women' I don't automatically think fat or obese, I think of normal everyday people who are going about their lives either studying, working, rearing a family, in some cases all of the above! They don't have personal stylists, personal trainers, nutritionists, hair stylists, make up artists, airbrushed pictures, oodles of cash to spend on the upkeep of their beauty. I embrace the term 'real woman' because we are living in the real world. There is such pressure on woman to be perfectly groomed in today's society it is so unrealistic and so sad because ultimitely it is us 'real women' that end up suffering the most because we are never happy or satisfied with our lot. It's a vicious circle.

OP learn to think positive about your body and accept it for what it is. Big boobs aren't the be all and end all. As one male poster above said he prefers a smaller size to a DD, I myself am a DD so that poster wouldn't be attracted to my body shape. However when it all boils down to it anyway, I want someone to be attracted to me for a lot more reasons than just my DD's!! There is more to you than your boobs! Also look at Keira Knightley for example, she has a very small chest and a slim body yet men the world over think she is gorgeous! Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Stay positive!

The media has a lot to answer for in their depictions of both men and women. Dove did have a campaign of real beauty, which I thought was extremely wonderful, but at the exact same time they'd run advertisements for men's products and using the typical well-built man. Think is that this isn't a real man. A real man is one that is skinny, or slender, or chubby. Same goes for women.

sexydancer

I never had a problem accepting my body but I found that taking dance lessons increased my fitness and confidence. I hope that's of some help:)

Lia_lia

I am the same as you, op. My boobs (haha, boobs) are the same size and I often feel quite unfeminine with them. But at the same time I have loads of friends with a larger chest who wish it was smaller. Just think in the future we probably won't have much saggyness I know for a fact that loads of women would kill to have your bodytype!

squishykins

It always upsets me when other women talk about how they dislike their small breasts. When I was 15 I was a 34D, and I loved the attention then obviously, stupid teenager that I was. I'm 18 now and a 34F, and boy do I actually hate it. Like, I'm only starting out in life, and my breasts already sag and have millions of stretch marks, sure does nothing for my confidence, even when they get noticed when I'm out and about. I would much rather be in your situation! Though it's always the same, they're either too small or too big never right =/

But as to the accepting yourself thing, there was a time when I was like that, only from me feeling fat and flabby. I would actually claw at myself in frustration and anger at my weak willpower. I still have my down days, but generally nowadays I feel much better about myself, which I put down to my boyfriend, who showers me in compliments every day, even after 3 years

It's all down to perspective really. Instead of going "oh my boobs are too small/big" or any other part of your body, focus on the positives (and this is coming from an extremely pessimistic person, it takes a lot of work!), I really like my hair, and the "fun-sized cuteness" (v.short XD) vibe that I give off, so I play that up no end

I think I ended up rambling ****e there, but I hope it helps!

G86

There's two sides to this..

Yes, you can learn to be happy with what you have and work with that.

But, if you're not happy with what you have then why not change it?

-I was overweight when I was teenager, and I didn't want to be fat anymore, so I put my mind to it and lost the weight. Fast forward a few years later and fitness is a major part of my life, if I hadn't made that decision back then I'd probably still be pigging on junk food 24/7 and the size of a house at this stage.

-For years I wasn't happy with my teeth, I had root canal done and my two front teeth were discoloured. So, I saved the money and last year I had them fixed. Now I like my smile

-I don't store fat on my ass or legs, and I want an ass, so I'm focusing on building muscle there instead:p

There's no rule that says you have to be happy with what you've got. If you can change it then why not change it? And I'm sorry but I call bull**** on anyone who's medically obese saying that they're happy with their bodies, and that their 'personalities' shine through.

As for having small boobs OP, there are lots of women who would love that problem! Big boobed shopping is a nightmare, trust me!

That all said, I have damn good legs:D

Perhaps you would benefit from cognitive behaviour therapy? It's not 'counselling' per se but promotes positive mental attitude, believing in yourself and accepting who you are.

At size 14, 34GG breasts which make me look like I'm size 18 instead of 14, not conventionally attractive (or so I believed) I had very low self esteem. This wasn't due just to my apperance though, a few other things like bullying etc where involved. CBT really helped me though. I can see that actually while not stunning, I'm fairly pretty, and with the right outfits I have a very attractive hourglass figure. I also confronted issues with the bullying. Now I feel much better.

What helped me the most was writing one letter to myself of all my insecurities, then another letter adressing those insecurities and how silly they were. Even if you don't try CBT, try the letter writing. It's a great release.

Catari Jaguar

I don't think I'm pretty enough... I hate my nose and chin. I hated my teeth so I got veneers and I like them now. But when I smile my nose droops so that's just another thing to worry about.

I felt so fat in pictures.. well I was fat. 10 stone on a 5 foot frame. Eugh... Everything looked bad on me. I hated seeing myself in pictures beside my friend who is like a pixie in comparison and could be a model if it wasn't for her height. She's my height and was about 3 stone lighter

I've lost 2 stone. I feel... like I'm still fat where I don't want to be because the weight came off so evenly. My legs were slim, now they're slimmer. My ass is still flat and small. My arms still carry fat, my stomach is still bigger in comparison. I just want to be like TV slim. Athletic. I was fit and toned looking, from boxing...I was proud of my muscles and flexibility. Had to give it up for college/ work. Now I'm what they call "skinny fat".

My boobs were 34 F. Now I'm 28 E. So I lost 6 inches. But now they're saggy because the skin hasn't shrunk with the weight loss.

Christ, I wish I had a magic wand and I would change everything except my eyes. They're nice.

starlit

I've learnt to accept my body for what is but still have hang ups about my appearance and so on, typical stuff every girl would be self conscious of. My skin has improved and I'm happy with that. Have my health for the most part. Would be nicer to have longer legs and be a little bit taller! I'm not hung up about weight, I dron't strive to be thin, I'm naturally slim but not skinny or curvy (just in between), I'm happy with my weight.

OP, every girl is different sometimes a girl's bust size tends to suit the girl's figure/frame but can vary, genetics can play a part too. I myself would be hung up on my size being small and not being big enough, I just see that it suits my frame and figure, would be nicer to have slightly bigger bust but not entirely bothered except when comparing myself to other girls who would have larger boobs than myself that I would see being more attractive to guys. I get enough back ache as it is so wouldn't want to have to contend with bigger boobs.

Be happy with yourself as you are, you are beautiful! No one is an unique as you!

Hey OP - did these posts help you? I personally find slender women unbelievably sexy and attractive.

starlit

Op, you are beautiful just the way you are! Remember that!

Jenneke87

I learned to accept my body by realising that:

The thing I cannot control are not worth worrying about because I can't change it anyway.

The things that i didn't like about my body and could change, are done, and I take the actions necessary to keep it that way.

Best of luck

LegacyUser

I wouldn't agree with the previous poster with the "you're beautiful" Oprah-style platitudes.

Some people aren't beautiful.

I'm not.

I could beat myself up for days or years about it, but some people think I'm great, gorgeous and great to be around.

I would say I don't know why, but I do.

I would say it's the same reason that I fancy the pants of some girls who are nothing special to look at. It is their infectious personality, their amazing humour and the fact that you feel alive when with them. That is more attractive than any pair of tits on a dull girl.

Don't try and improve. Just accept you're not gorgeous and take it from there....there are far more attractive things to be than gorgeous.

carolinespring

cherub rock wrote: »

I don't think I'm pretty enough... I hate my nose and chin. I hated my teeth so I got veneers and I like them now. But when I smile my nose droops so that's just another thing to worry about.

I felt so fat in pictures.. well I was fat. 10 stone on a 5 foot frame. Eugh... Everything looked bad on me. I hated seeing myself in pictures beside my friend who is like a pixie in comparison and could be a model if it wasn't for her height. She's my height and was about 3 stone lighter

I've lost 2 stone. I feel... like I'm still fat where I don't want to be because the weight came off so evenly. My legs were slim, now they're slimmer. My ass is still flat and small. My arms still carry fat, my stomach is still bigger in comparison. I just want to be like TV slim. Athletic. I was fit and toned looking, from boxing...I was proud of my muscles and flexibility. Had to give it up for college/ work. Now I'm what they call "skinny fat".

My boobs were 34 F. Now I'm 28 E. So I lost 6 inches. But now they're saggy because the skin hasn't shrunk with the weight loss.

Christ, I wish I had a magic wand and I would change everything except my eyes. They're nice.

My god, you are beautiful. You have a figure to die for. Give yourself some credit hun. Believe me your nose and chin are just fine and I envy your big boobs, saggy or not. For my size I have a small chest but without a good bra I would give myself a black eye!!!

I think the media has us believe we should all look like Carmeron Diez or Jessica Biel. We are fantastic and just need to start believeing in ourself.

Sibylla

Like you OP I'm fairly slender, not flat chested but certainly not anywhere near the opposite side of the scale. I've come to accept it, to be honest I like being slender and wouldn't like to change it. You should be proud of your body and focus on what you like. I guarantee you every woman has insecurities the important thing is to not think about it too much.

Dudess

OP, being slim is the holy grail - embrace that!
Enjoy being able to wear what you want, give yourself a regular moisturising all over - soft skin is the biz! Buy some nice lingerie - makes you feel great! Get a push-up bra for a cleavage effect.
What bits of you do you like? Focus on those.

I understand where you're coming from - I think most women do. I have a love-hate relationship with my body also, and while the bits I don't like can really piss me off, I make sure to focus on the bits I like. Not always easy though, but dressing to emphasise the great bits is a huge boost. I know you don't like having a lack of curves, but a slim figure is also beautiful. Focus on other things you like about yourself too, as in your personality, because it's not just about the body, it's the whole package.

Up-n-atom!

I think it's really sad that when someone pretty much has the ideal figure according to society's standards that they still have issues with themselves - girls and women compare themselves to impossible ideals from such a young age, nothing seems to be good enough. I'm pretty petite and am also a 34A (I got sooo excited over the summer when I went up to a B cup - I'd put on a couple of pounds - but now I'm back to my old tiny size!) and I've had issues with myself in the past, but am mostly fine now. I do cast an envious eye at other more fuller figured/cupped girls every once in a while though - it would be nice to be curvy and to fill out clothes properly! In my experience there is no magic 'cure' to accept yourself, although I do think there's some good suggestions here that might help to boost your confidence. For me the most annoying thing is that, because I'm little and have a small physical presence, I can be belittled and looked down upon, especially in work situations - you really need to up your personality to counteract this (although this sounds a bit like a Napoleon-syndrome thing!) People presume you're younger than you are as well (though this isn't always a bad thing!) and talk down to you.

One thing that did make me smile was a line from the film 'The Science of Sleep' - the main character tells his neighbour her breasts are 'small and unpretentious':) I also look forward to the fact that I won't have massively droppy boobs in the future!

Dudess

Sef James wrote: »

I wouldn't agree with the previous poster with the "you're beautiful" Oprah-style platitudes.

Some people aren't beautiful.

I'm not.

I could beat myself up for days or years about it, but some people think I'm great, gorgeous and great to be around.

I would say I don't know why, but I do.

I would say it's the same reason that I fancy the pants of some girls who are nothing special to look at. It is their infectious personality, their amazing humour and the fact that you feel alive when with them. That is more attractive than any pair of tits on a dull girl.

Don't try and improve. Just accept you're not gorgeous and take it from there....there are far more attractive things to be than gorgeous.

I agree with a lot of what you say - beauty isn't always subjective, but attractiveness is. However the OP might be gorgeous - you've nothing to go on to assume she isn't.

LegacyUser

OP, I am a 36A. When I was a teenager I used to lie in bed praying for God to give me bigger boobs, since boys always looked past me to my big-chested friends. But now that I am 27 I have come to like being smaller on top. After seeing enough women in changing rooms, showers, and the like, you can't help but notice that, once the bra comes off, really big boobs only look impressive on girls under 25. After a woman hits her mid-20's, they start to head south, and most big-chested women over 30 have sagging issues. I'd rather have my small perky ones than a pair of huge honkers that hung down to my navel when I took my bra off.

Your small boobs will stay high and firm longer, you won't have back pain, you will always be able to find tops and dresses that fit, and you can go braless if you want without it being obvious. If you are trim and fit, you will find many men who appreciate your bum and legs and tummy even more than they would a huge pair of tits. So don't become consumed by worry about your boobs. Try to appreciate the positives of being small, and remember that variety is the spice of life -- every woman is different, and you should embrace that.

Eve_Dublin

Unreg-girl wrote: »

OP, I am a 36A. When I was a teenager I used to lie in bed praying for God to give me bigger boobs, since boys always looked past me to my big-chested friends. But now that I am 27 I have come to like being smaller on top. After seeing enough women in changing rooms, showers, and the like, you can't help but notice that, once the bra comes off, really big boobs only look impressive on girls under 25. After a woman hits her mid-20's, they start to head south, and most big-chested women over 30 have sagging issues. I'd rather have my small perky ones than a pair of huge honkers that hung down to my navel when I took my bra off.

Your small boobs will stay high and firm longer, you won't have back pain, you will always be able to find tops and dresses that fit, and you can go braless if you want without it being obvious. If you are trim and fit, you will find many men who appreciate your bum and legs and tummy even more than they would a huge pair of tits. So don't become consumed by worry about your boobs. Try to appreciate the positives of being small, and remember that variety is the spice of life -- every woman is different, and you should embrace that.

In the process of trying to make someone else feel better about their size, you´ve probably just knocked the confidence of some women over 25 reading this thread with very large breasts. Many women have large breasts naturally and can´t help their size. Your comment above is completely rude. How would you feel if I wrote the very opposite in relation to your size to make a woman with large breasts feel better?

Logical Fallacy

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

In the process of trying to make someone else feel better about their size, you´ve probably just knocked the confidence of some women over 25 reading this thread with very large breasts. Many women have large breasts naturally and can´t help their size. Your comment above is completely rude. How would you feel if I wrote the very opposite in relation to your size to make a woman with large breasts feel better?

In fairness, she is right. The OP has a certain issue that she was addressing, i can only assume her answer would have been different if the OP had a different issue. You also seem to be ignoring how she ended her post, about everyone being different.

People, should they feel the need, need to find their own advantages and disadvantages to how they look. I know there can be a generally assumption that if you are a certain bodyshape then BAM, surely all your problems are solved. In my own experience it really doesn't work that way.

I've been every kind of build a bloke can be. From a small and scrawny teenager, to a fat teenager, to a god like mega human at about 20-21 to well muscled fat dude, a fat well muscled dude and my current incarnation of "****ed up neck and really quite sick guy". I've had friends who have gone through just as many physical changes as myself, and i don't think any of us were ever any happier about things at any stage.

To be honest with you, each form of packaging you can take will come with it's own issues and problems you will have to deal with. When i was in the prime of shape people seemed to have an inbuilt assumption that i was stupid, when i was anything other than that people seemed to assume i was lazy, eventually i realised that i was letting these assumptions other people were making bother me. It's been the same in jobs, i've had people give me serious attitude because we interacted in circumstances that led them to believe they were "superior".

As such, stage one of me getting happy with myself was figuring out which messages were coming from me and which ones were coming from outside sources. You end up needing to deal with both of them differently. With outside sources, you look at the person who is making you feel that way, figure out if they are just being a wanker or not and then move on accordingly.

The inside source can be a much tougher nut to crack, often times we end up jumping to the wrong conclusions. "I feel bad because of my body" can actually be "I feel bad because of a million things and i'm used to taking it out on myself over how i look so i'm going with what i know".

OP, i imagine everyone has an answer, but that answer is complicated and normally as individual as the person themselves. The only real advice i can give you is to get happy with yourself for all the reasons that make you you. I don't know that many people who are 100% satisfied with either themselves or everything in their life, it doesn't seem to be the natural state of the human condition.

The simple fact of the matter is that there is no default setting for beauty of satisfaction with self, it's something that you kind of work at for a long time and eventually start coming close to.

I hope in some weird way that helps.