Cheating

Wompa1

I've been reading through this forum for the last couple of months, never used it much before than. I find the advise very helpful and relate to a lot of what's put up here.

One thing that has stuck out at me is that (and it's probably because I'm a male who is interested in females, it's probably the reverse for women) that most people coming on here saying they cheated and are looking for advise are women.

I was just interested in knowing some of the figures so thought I'd stick a poll up. I had seen a survey done in the states that said that women were the more likely to cheat which was against what I would have thought myself but this forum has made me think the same.

Started this in Ladies Loungue too to get a larger audience of both sexes.
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thecatspjs

I don't think I could ever cheat tbh. I'm also aware people have said this for ages and in a moment of madness did it anyway.
But I hate to think of how **** I'd feel if I found out someone was cheating on me so I couldn't put anyone through that

Joe10000

I have in the past but was never planned , too much drink and too little sense. Would never do it again.

ihatetractors

Lol, this thread speaks volumes to me atmo, my 1 of my 2 best mates recently confessed to sleeping with my other best mates ladyfriend a week before christmas. Ach, awful hardship, do i tell or do i not?

Maybe I would cheat if I could think of a single good reason to do so. In all my years I have not thought of one yet.

Dravokivich

Honestly just don't see the point in it.

Galvasean

IMO if you're in a relationship and feel the need to cheat you have no business being in that relationship.

fkiely

I've cheated in the past, on numerous occassions. Didn't feel good about it in the slightest but none of them were long-term relationships. Doesn't make it right but kind of 'less' wrong. So in that sense I can understand how it happens, very easily, especially when drink is involved. However I've been with my current missus for nearly two years now and wouldn't dream of it.

scientific1982

Cheated once on a girl I really liked and got found out. Never again.

Eve_Dublin

When I was 20 (I´m now 30) I went to France to work for a month and a half and left my then boyfriend behind. I kissed a guy (just a kiss and a little bit of messing around) outside the bar and didn´t tell the boyfriend. We broke up a week after I got back. That was the only time but I did choose the "I cheated but wouldn´t do it again" option because it is essentially cheating. I cringe when I think about it because I´d be very black and white about this now and I guess it makes me a bit of a hypocrite.

Honestly, never ever again.

Playboy

Galvasean wrote: »

IMO if you're in a relationship and feel the need to cheat you have no business being in that relationship.

Slightly over simplfying it I think.. and this relates directly to the other thread. Having a desire to do something and actually doing it are two very different things... I'm sure many guys would love to cheat especially if they have been in very long term relationships that have stagnated a bit due to work/kids etc. But most of those guys dont do it out of love and respect for their partner. We cant control what we desire and that shoudnt define who we are .. actions define people.

Just because you have the luxury of being in a relationship where you havent felt the need or acted on it (yet) doesnt mean things are so simple for everyone else. If everyone were to follow your logic then the number of single people in our society would be huge as would single parent households

Wompa1

A little disappointing that there's so few women answering with the poll. so at the moment rounding up about 50% of the laides have cheated where as 33% of men have...more often than not both are remoreseful about it.

Would be cool to get a bigger sample of ladies answering. It is private and I'm not a journalist!

Eve_Dublin

Wompa1 wrote: »

A little disappointing that there's so few women answering with the poll. so at the moment rounding up about 50% of the laides have cheated where as 33% of men have...more often than not both are remoreseful about it.

Would be cool to get a bigger sample of ladies answering. It is private and I'm not a journalist!

Ehhhh you posted in The GENTLEMEN´S Club?

Wompa1

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

Ehhhh you posted in The GENTLEMEN´S Club?

On advice of a lady user I actually posted in both to try and get a good scope. But the moderator in the Ladies Loungue closed it.

Eve_Dublin

Wompa1 wrote: »

On advice of a lady user I actually posted in both to try and get a good scope. But the moderator in the Ladies Loungue closed it.

With all due respect, I think you´ll find in the real world it´s just about even. This survey is pointless.

Liamario

Rules for cheaters:-

1) If you have cheated and don't regret it, end your relationship with the wronged party. You are not ready for a honset relationship.
2) If you have cheated and regret it, tell the wronged party and hope they can forgive you. Secrets ruin relationships. It will come back to get you in the end.
3) If you are planning to cheat, don't. End your existing relationship first. Then feel free to get STIs to your hearts content.

I think that's all scenarios covered.

Mrmoe

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

With all due respect, I think you´ll find in the real world it´s just about even. This survey is pointless.

I wouldn't think so initially. Men would probably have less opportunities to cheat I would think. Even if you take the poll results as it stands the ratio of women who have/haven't cheated is roughly 1:1 where as for me it is closer to 1:2. The samaple size would be too small to make any definite conclusion but is interesting none the less. It might also show that men might not think that certain actions are cheating where as women might.

Wompa1

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

With all due respect, I think you´ll find in the real world it´s just about even. This survey is pointless.

Well in the real world just out of the people I know, I know 1 guy that has cheated and 3 girls. But maybe that's just the kind of guys I hang out with. 1 of the girls cheated a few times too.

There's a bunch of sites that refer to a survey that said women are alot more likely to cheat. But maybe that's because the study was carried out by a woman and so the men weren't honest, it might not have been anonymous etc.

The link is a terrible example of it but daily mail is at least British alot of the other sites were the likes of digg.com and other nations newspapers

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1211104/Think-men-unfaithful-sex-A-study-shows-WOMEN-biggest-cheats--theyre-just-better-lying-it.html

Wompa1

Mrmoe wrote: »

I wouldn't think so initially. Men would probably have less opportunities to cheat I would think. Even if you take the poll results as it stands the ratio of women who have/haven't cheated is roughly 1:1 where as for me it is closer to 1:2. The samaple size would be too small to make any definite conclusion but is interesting none the less. It might also show that men might not think that certain actions are cheating where as women might.

That's actually what I had thought when I heard originally that women were more likely. That women would have far more oppurtunities to cheat than men.

A man would have to go looking where as a woman would have the guy come to her. The ratio for men isn't far from 1:3 although it depends on do you count the one's that said they haven't but would.

I know a girl that cheated and even though she now says cheating is terrible has convinced herself it was ok to do. That she wasn't happy with her relationship (which was over 2 years at the time) she didn't break up with the b/f for 6 months after and never told him. Females can be illogical creatures!, They can make up their own logic to justify anything they do and yeah that's a broad generalization. But that's based on experience with all my ex's and current g/f...you can't win an argument because the argument will get completely skewed to suit herself.

Point being I'd think a woman could also cheat on the spur of the moment and throw caution to the wind knowing she has the ability to twist into something that was justified.

Out of the girls that now say they wouldn't, How many actually feel really bad about what they did?

Snoopy1

Ive cheated in the past (im a woman), wouldnt do it again though

Eve_Dublin

Wompa1 wrote: »

That's actually what I had thought when I heard originally that women were more likely. That women would have far more oppurtunities to cheat than men.

A man would have to go looking where as a woman would have the guy come to her. The ratio for men isn't far from 1:3 although it depends on do you count the one's that said they haven't but would.

I know a girl that cheated and even though she now says cheating is terrible has convinced herself it was ok to do. That she wasn't happy with her relationship (which was over 2 years at the time) she didn't break up with the b/f for 6 months after and never told him. Females can be illogical creatures!, They can make up their own logic to justify anything they do and yeah that's a broad generalization. But that's based on experience with all my ex's and current g/f...you can't win an argument because the argument will get completely skewed to suit herself.

Point being I'd think a woman could also cheat on the spur of the moment and throw caution to the wind knowing she has the ability to twist into something that was justified.

Out of the girls that now say they wouldn't, How many actually feel really bad about what they did?

Man, you´re using your own experience as evidence and you´re making stuff up based on what friends told you and what you "think". Leave the science to the professionals and relax. Were not bad people (us women). Got with your gut feeling and you´ll be grand.

stoneill

How do I contact the three women who have cheated and would do it again?

Sibylla

This survey is quite interesting, I'm a female have never cheated and never would. If you're in a relationship and claim to care for someone, Why cheat? Personally I cannot understand it. Obviously people who do would be better off not being in a relationship.

Wibbs

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

Man, you´re using your own experience as evidence and you´re making stuff up based on what friends told you and what you "think". Leave the science to the professionals and relax. Were not bad people (us women). Got with your gut feeling and you´ll be grand.

Well I'd add my experience to his and say that way more of the women I've had as mates have cheated on their partners. Well over double the amount. They're better at hiding it as a general thing, but more than that "they"tm have a broader or would that be narrower definition of it. So while the answer for "did you ever get busy with someone else while you were in a relationship?" might be answered with a no, throw in "did you ever overlap partners?" or "did you ever have a male "friend" who your partner didn't know about and you didn't want him to know about?" and watch the stat change. Having been "the other man" in the past I was quite shocked how loyalty is a very fluid thing in women. Yes men cheat and women cheat and its down to the individual as much as anything, but you're kidding yourself if you think women are somehow nicer and do it less. Especially young women. For a start they've more avenues to do so. More opportunities.

If a Bi space alien asked me for a heads up on men and women on this score, I'd tell them yep young men can and do cheat, but keep your eyes peeled and your game up with the young ladies, if something better comes along they're more likely to jump and justify it after. On the other hand married women with kids cheat far far less than married men IME.

Saaron

I would hate to be with someone who has cheated at all, past or present.
I think I'd trust them a lot less.

I know I wouldn't do it, so I wouldn't want it done to me either.

Can't see why someone wouldn't just break up instead of cheating. That's just me though...

(I'm a woman, and was cheated on before.)

Eve_Dublin

Wibbs wrote: »

Well I'd add my experience to his and say that way more of the women I've had as mates have cheated on their partners. Well over double the amount. They're better at hiding it as a general thing, but more than that "they"tm have a broader or would that be narrower definition of it. So while the answer for "did you ever get busy with someone else while you were in a relationship?" might be answered with a no, throw in "did you ever overlap partners?" or "did you ever have a male "friend" who your partner didn't know about and you didn't want him to know about?" and watch the stat change. Having been "the other man" in the past I was quite shocked how loyalty is a very fluid thing in women. Yes men cheat and women cheat and its down to the individual as much as anything, but you're kidding yourself if you think women are somehow nicer and do it less. Especially young women. For a start they've more avenues to do so. More opportunities.

If a Bi space alien asked me for a heads up on men and women on this score, I'd tell them yep young men can and do cheat, but keep your eyes peeled and your game up with the young ladies, if something better comes along they're more likely to jump and justify it after. On the other hand married women with kids cheat far far less than married men IME.

If "you're kidding yourself if you think women are somehow nicer and do it less" comment was directed at me, I definitely didn´t say that. If were using our experiences here to prove claims then I´d say yeah, a proportion of my female friends have cheated and ones that you definitely wouldn´t have thought would do it BUT their own relationships soon ended...I´d say if a female cheats, you can be very sure their own relationship will soon end and they´ll be the ones to finish it. It´s massive alarm bell and that´s why i´d always advise a man whose girlfriend has cheated to end it. There´s nothing to work through. They probably cheated to sabotage a dying relationship...give them a proper reason to end it. Doesn´t make it any less underhanded and it´s completely cowardly. HOWEVER, most of my female friends have been cheated on and they didn´t find out about it ´till months after it happened and they believed everything was going okay. It seems if a man cheats, it´s an indicator that he felt horny, wanted to get his hole and nothing more. If your girlfriend is happy in the relationship, she probably won´t cheat whereas in my experience, men cheat regardless of how happy they are in the relationship.

I "cheated" in the form of a kiss outside a bar 10 years ago when I was away for my boyfriend for a month and half working in France. At the time I felt less for the boyfriend in question and it ended a week after I got back.

Kimia

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

I´d say if a female cheats, you can be very sure their own relationship will soon end and they´ll be the ones to finish it. It´s massive alarm bell and that´s why i´d always advise a man whose girlfriend has cheated to end it. There´s nothing to work through. They probably cheated to sabotage a dying relationship...give them a proper reason to end it. Doesn´t make it any less underhanded and it´s completely cowardly.

I did this. I was very young and it was my first serious relationship, and I should have been brave and ended it with respect but I was a coward. I was afraid of hurting him and afraid of being without him even though I wasn't in love with him anymore. It still haunts me and I'm like Eve, I'm so black and white now about the issue (a good 10 years later) that I feel like such a hypocrite sometimes when these threads come along. I hate cheating, and would never ever cheat on my current partner.

Eve_Dublin

And when my friends cheated they were all young too. So older men and younger women are more inclined to cheat. I guess that makes sense. It´d be interesting to see this survey conducted with specific age groups to see if that´s true.

Eve_Dublin

Kimia wrote: »

I did this. I was very young and it was my first serious relationship, and I should have been brave and ended it with respect but I was a coward. I was afraid of hurting him and afraid of being without him even though I wasn't in love with him anymore. It still haunts me and I'm like Eve, I'm so black and white now about the issue (a good 10 years later) that I feel like such a hypocrite sometimes when these threads come along. I hate cheating, and would never ever cheat on my current partner.

Yeah I´ve been pretty preachy on Boards about cheating in the past and I confess, I convinced myself over the years that it wasn´t cheating and I´ve claimed that I didn´t cheat but a prolonged kiss outside a bar 10 years ago is still cheating whatever way you look at it. I´m going to hell.

pwd

Women are more likely to cheat than men, according to a program I saw on Discovery.
Women are also more likely to do so in a calculated manner.
Apparently they are programmed to look for slightly feminine types to raise their kids, and very masculine types to impregnate them.
Statistics on the number of men unknowingly raising other people's kids are surprisingly high. These figures support that theory.

Otis Driftwood

Wompa1 wrote: »

A little disappointing that there's so few women answering with the poll. so at the moment rounding up about 50% of the laides have cheated where as 33% of men have...more often than not both are remoreseful about it.

Would be cool to get a bigger sample of ladies answering. It is private and I'm not a journalist!

Can I ask why you are so disappointed.Generally,when a poll about the same thing gets posted in 2 forums at the same time its either spam or its someone doing a survey for a thesis/masters.You are a long term member so Im giving you the benefit of the doubt,I may however have to reconsider,particularly when comments like the above are posted.

Reward

I think its framed the wrong way to get honest answers.

If its framed say as "man more likely to cheat because of biological differences" or whatever there is an incentive there for women to answer and tell the truth but if it looks like its a gendered measurement of morals, which is most likely to lie or cheat, there is an incentive there to answer dishonestly or not answer at all.

Wompa1

nedtheshed wrote: »

Can I ask why you are so disappointed.Generally,when a poll about the same thing gets posted in 2 forums at the same time its either spam or its someone doing a survey for a thesis/masters.You are a long term member so Im giving you the benefit of the doubt,I may however have to reconsider,particularly when comments like the above are posted.

I'm an IT Professional. It's merely out of interest spurned by reading in Personal Issues, I was wondering if it was just by chance that to me it seemed like most of the confessions of cheating on there was women.

And the poll is balancing out now in terms of ratio. If you want to close it fire ahead, my feelings won't be hurt.

Pherekydes

Wompa1 wrote: »

I'm an IT Professional. It's merely out of interest spurned by reading in Personal Issues, I was wondering if it was just by chance that to me it seemed like most of the confessions of cheating on there was women.

And the poll is balancing out now in terms of ratio. If you want to close it fire ahead, my feelings won't be hurt.

Currently, the results show 35% women and 38% men have cheated or intend to. The difference is not statistically significant. The standard error is quite high due to the small sample size.

Handsome Bob

Have been on the receiving end so would never do it. My advice to both sexes who would be tempted to cheat: if you're tempted by a random scenario on a night out, then as Galva said, you've no business being in a relationship.

However, if you feel yourself becoming intensely attracted to someone else in your life, then show some responsibility and either end your relationship before you do anything with the other person, or face up to the fact that there's problems in your relationship and have the courage to try and fix them.

That_Guy

Never cheated and never will. It happened to me and the hurt was unbelievable. Would never want to inflict that on anybody.

1daydreamer

I don't think I could go on with a relationship if I had slept with someone else. If I am in love, I am loyal as a dog. If things have been bad for a while and nothing I do seems to make it better and then enter temptation in my face, it might just be the catalyst that allows me to walk away from a bad relationship, but it isn't the reason to do so. I have stayed in relationships long after there was nothing holding it together but the loyalty. I can't see being miserable, and/or making someone else miserable just because you made a promise when you were good together. People grow, sometimes apart, no blame, just let them and yourself move on. I have managed to stay friends with all my exes, btw.

Wompa1

Thanks for answering the poll guys and girls. Like I said it was out of my own interest. I also know in my own personal life more women who have cheated than men.

Also contrary to another posters beliefs I am actually lucky enough that I have never been cheated on. Even so my feelings about cheating, is the same as others...why do it?, if you want to cheat then pull yourself back and say well I wanted to cheat so obviously I'm not commited to my partner. Do the right thing by them and break up. Then go off and cheat to your hearts content.

The number of cheaters is lower on both sides than I was expecting. Which is nice to see!

Galvasean

Wompa1 wrote: »

The number of cheaters is lower on both sides than I was expecting. Which is nice to see!

Sadly, i am not so optimistic. I don't think tGC represents a valid demograph of society at large.

Otis Driftwood

Im male,havnt cheated nor would I ever.I have however been cheated on on one occasion (that I know of at least).Aside from that I would find it disrespectful in the extreme to stray,I know how crappy I felt after I had found out so wouldnt like to make anyone else feel that way.

TechnoPool

ive found myself in a weird situation the last few girls that ive been seeing, as they all seem to have boyfriends that i find out about and are happy enough to continue on the way things are , while im not really hurt of offended by this , its become a ''worrying'' trend with me that it keeps happening and that it dose not seem to bother them one bit.

Wompa1

TechnoPool wrote: »

ive found myself in a weird situation the last few girls that ive been seeing, as they all seem to have boyfriends that i find out about and are happy enough to continue on the way things are , while im not really hurt of offended by this , its become a ''worrying'' trend with me that it keeps happening and that it dose not seem to bother them one bit.

I didn't get that far gone but there was a period in which any girl I approached said she had a boyfriend so one night I got that response and was like ok, yeah whatever...she got kind of pouty and said she was sorry, if she wasn't blah blah...anyway then she started kissing me which was complete mixed signals..she quickly stopped and these 3 guys sat down by us and one of them put his arm around her and started kissing her....

I genuinely thought it was a BS reason and didn't initiate the kissing anyway. My friends thought it was hilarious while I felt disgusted about it!

TechnoPool

i just go with the flow to be honest , but in fairness i have to admit i would be quite annoyed if the shoe was on the other foot ,


for example

she's going the cinema with her BF , i think anyways tonight or so she said, but hanging out with me on friday and sat :rolleyes: , ive given up trying to read signals take hints ect, i just go with the flow

Wompa1

TechnoPool wrote: »

i just go with the flow to be honest , but in fairness i have to admit i would be quite annoyed if the shoe was on the other foot ,


for example

she's going the cinema with her BF , i think anyways tonight or so she said, but hanging out with me on friday and sat :rolleyes: , ive given up trying to read signals take hints ect, i just go with the flow

It's still going on? that's a little different...you don't mind be the other guy?

Galvasean

TechnoPool wrote: »

ive found myself in a weird situation the last few girls that ive been seeing, as they all seem to have boyfriends that i find out about and are happy enough to continue on the way things are , while im not really hurt of offended by this , its become a ''worrying'' trend with me that it keeps happening and that it dose not seem to bother them one bit.

That's happened to me a few times. Heck, my first ever 'girlfriend', I was shocked to discover, already had a boyfriend and I was her 'bit on the side'. I didn't know what that was all about so I stopped seeing her prompto.
A couple of years ago there was this girl I really liked. She must have got wind of this so we started scoring and stuff. She had a boyfriend who, while not a friend of mine, I knew through social circles. I wouldn't have gotten involved with her but for the fact that she said she was 'finishing up' with her boyfriend. No skin off my neck I thought and went ahead. She never did break up with that guy so after a while I stopped seeing her because I realised I was being had. As far as I know they are STILL together!
Oh and my first long term relationship ended with herself cheating on me. Go me! :pac:
So you'll have to excuse me while I quote Shakespeare: "Frailty, thy name is woman!"

Actually looking back on my post makes for grim reading.

*hands in badge and penis*

Wompa1

Galvasean wrote: »

That's happened to me a few times. Heck, my first ever 'girlfriend', I was shocked to discover, already had a boyfriend and I was her 'bit on the side'. I didn't know what that was all about so I stopped seeing her prompto.
A couple of years ago there was this girl I really liked. She must have got wind of this so we started scoring and stuff. She had a boyfriend who, while not a friend of mine, I knew through social circles. I wouldn't have gotten involved with her but for the fact that she said she was 'finishing up' with her boyfriend. No skin off my neck I thought and went ahead. She never did break up with that guy so after a while I stopped seeing her because I realised I was being had. As far as I know they are STILL together!
Oh and my first long term relationship ended with herself cheating on me. Go me! :pac:
So you'll have to excuse me while I quote Shakespeare: "Frailty, thy name is woman!"

Actually looking back on my post makes for grim reading.

*hands in badge and penis*

Could you at least clean your penis before you hand it back?

I have two friends that found out they were some womans piece on the side. One of whom I worked with, he found out when her long term b/f came into where they worked and started sucking face. The other one was a friend of my then girlfriend who was also in a long term relationship and apparently adored her boyfriend and never shut up about him...I just don't know!

Stky10

Galvasean wrote: »

That's happened to me a few times. Heck, my first ever 'girlfriend', I was shocked to discover, already had a boyfriend and I was her 'bit on the side'. I didn't know what that was all about so I stopped seeing her prompto.
A couple of years ago there was this girl I really liked. She must have got wind of this so we started scoring and stuff. She had a boyfriend who, while not a friend of mine, I knew through social circles. I wouldn't have gotten involved with her but for the fact that she said she was 'finishing up' with her boyfriend. No skin off my neck I thought and went ahead. She never did break up with that guy so after a while I stopped seeing her because I realised I was being had. As far as I know they are STILL together!
Oh and my first long term relationship ended with herself cheating on me. Go me! :pac:
So you'll have to excuse me while I quote Shakespeare: "Frailty, thy name is woman!"

Actually looking back on my post makes for grim reading.

*hands in badge and penis*

Friend of mine, became a pilot and suddenly popular with the ladies. One of the last times I met him, he was complaining that 3 of the last 4 women he'd been with (in a fairly short period of time) were already going out with someone.

I also know a guy who came home to find his girlfriend on the receiving end of a gentleman, and she just laughed in his face and continued on.

So meh, I think whatever messing about I've seen friends of mine get up to, its more than balanced out by what women get up to.

TechnoPool

Wompa1 wrote: »

It's still going on? that's a little different...you don't mind be the other guy?

she dosent call him her BF so to speak, she refers to it as ''sorta seeing someone''
in fairness i spose i do a bit , but id never admit it to her , but im headin off to canada next week so i never really raised the issue much, just went with the flow so to speak, joked bout getting rid of him for when i come back n that

Trhiggy83

I cant actually see the point in cheating to be honest unless it happens completely by accidently. I wont go looking for it and if im not happy in a relationship then i will end it and move on - simple as

Odaise Gaelach

I really want to say that I'd never cheat. Really. But I've never been in that kind of situation before, so until the chance actually occurs I don't know whether I'd be faithful or not.

Maybe in the future when I'm going through a mid-life crisis, or when I'm just disillusioned and miserable. Maybe my principles and deams have been eroded away and I'm not happy in the relationship that I'd be in for whatever reason. I might cheat because it seems like a good idea, or a way to escape the sadness. Or I might fall in love with someone. I just don't know. All that I can hope for is that I'll still be a decent and kind person and I'll be able to resist, or end my relationship so I can pursue a new one.

I know that in a lot of ways it makes me a bad person. Maybe I am; I don't know. But I know I'm not perfect, no matter how much I want to believe I am.

LegacyUser

I'm female, and 21. I've had 3 boyfriends. Cheated on the first two...both times it happened, it was completely random. No dragged out things behind peoples backs, just random (drunken...) kisses, which I regretted. I can honestly say that I would not do it again. I was 17, and 19 when it happened and even though I'm only 2 years older now, I've grown up. A lot.

Looking back on it I was completely unhappy in the relationships I was in at the time, but didn't have the courage or know how to end them. I can safely say I'd never make that mistake again. I'm in love with my current boyfriend, something I've never felt before and I I could never disrespect him like that. I know people say "once a cheater, always a cheater" but in my case I think it was being young and stupid.