Let's Talk About Weight In Partners

Galvasean

Inspired by musings in the 'short people thread' (as I'm calling it) I thought I'd throw out a question here that is seldom talked about honestly in public (at least on these boards), but I'm sure everyone has an opinion on it.

The question being, "Would you date someone who was noticably heavier/fatter than you?"

For the sake of fairness I should get the ball rolling with my own personal opinion on the matter. To be perfectly honest, my answer is 'no'.
That might come across as being very shallow, but personally I am simply not attracted to larger (by larger I tend to mean fatter/heavier as opposed to taller) women. I don't date anyone I don't find physicaly attractive regardless of how sections of the media try to tell me that 'big is beautiful' or 'real women' (hate that term) have to be over a certain size. It's just not for me.
Now, I'm no Prince Perfection myself, but like everyone there are some things that completely turn me off. One of these things is excess weight.
I suspect there are many others who feel the same way about this issue, but I get the feeling many are ashamed to admit it for fear of being seen as 'shallow' or whatnot. Personally I don't see it as being a sign of shallowness. Everyone has preferences. you can't change what you are attracted to, even if you'd like to.

So, anyone got any 2c to lump in?

tallaghtmick

Galvasean wrote: »

Inspired by musings in the 'short people thread' (as I'm calling it) I thought I'd throw out a question here that is seldom talked about honestly in public (at least on these boards), but I'm sure veeryone has an opinion on it.

The question being, "Would you date someone who was noticably heavier/fatter than you?"

For the sake of fairness I should get the ball rolling with my own personal opinion on the matter. To be perfectly honest, my answer is 'no'.
That might come across as being very shallow, but personally I am simply not attracted to larger (by larger I tend to mean fatter/heavier as opposed to taller) women. I don't date anyone I don't find physicaly attractive regardless of how sections of the media try to tell me that 'big is beautiful' or 'real women' (hate that term) have to be over a certain size. It's just not for me.
Now, I'm no Prince Perfection myself, but like everyone there are some things that completely turn me off. One of these things is excess weight.
I suspect there are many others who feel the same way about this issue, but I get the feeling many are ashamed to admit it for fear of being seen as 'shallow' or whatnot. Personally I don't see it as being a sign of shallowness. Everyone has preferences. you can't change what you are attracted to, even if you'd like to.

So, anyone got any 2c to lump in?

i love curvy women so i really cant complain but i wouldn't hook up with a woman who is obese.

Josh_Calvert

the last girl I saw was overweight...she was ok personality wise and was sexually pretty confident and competent but try as I might I couldn't find her sexy...fat girls aren't sexy aesthetically to me.A sexy toned female body= funny tingles in my balls...it shows self confidence self respect and a drive to be the best she can be and to want to share her best sexuality with men who also take care to be in shape and to be the best they can be.

That said, I'd make a distinction between girls with chubby genetics who can still look and be healthy and vital and fat girls who are just lazy,passive aggressive, or low on self esteem.

Galvasean

tallaghtmick wrote: »

i love curvy women so i really cant complain but i wouldn't hook up with a woman who is obese.

Define 'curvy' please. That is something I should have tackled in my OP, a pet peeve of mine is what i consider the bastardization of the word 'curvy'. Where it used to apply to the likes of Jennifer Lopez and Kelly Brooke with their amazing figures, it has been hijacked to be used as a polite way of saying 'overweight' to make overweight people feel better about themselves.

bigwormbundoran

I personally think a slight bit of "extra" weight can be grand to a certain point, but once it gets too much its a big no no. The likes of that Beth Ditto one who sings for Gossip i think it is really did my head in when she was all over the papers, with the whole making "real women" not afraid to be sexy shíte, id love to meet her and just say "listen youre morbidly obese its not only horrible looking but also extremely bad for your health dont encourage it".

On this note as well is the loud fat one (for want of a better term) that often tends to be in a group of girls, thinking that because shes in a group with a few lookers getting some attention that shes also on the receiving end, then goes on the offensive when the truth becomes apparent, that makes them more than highly unnattractive if ya ask me and should be avoided at all costs because twil only end in disaster

Reading that back makes me sound quite horrible indeed

amacachi

I'm 6 foot 2 and over 22 stone so I wouldn't go out with someone taller or heavier than me. :pac: I find any overweightness very unattractive in women.

cleremy jarkson

When most lads say they like 'curvy' women, they mean women like this:



not this

parker kent

I agree that the term curvy is used incorrectly in a lot of media. I think Shakira is curvy (in that her body has noticeable curves at her hips) and Kelly Brook is curvy. Both have extremely different shapes, but neither are over weight.

Anyway, OT I would have to say no. I would not date somebody very over weight. I'm just attracted to smaller people. The biggest problem for me would be the lifestyle and personality issues. I might prefer shorter girls to taller girls, but if I met a taller girl who was perfect for me I would obviously like her. But people that are overweight tend to lead lives very different to my own and I like the people around me to eat healthy foods and exercise. It would just clash too much with how I like to live. I'm much more likely to be attracted to somebody who lives a healthy life as I find that very appealing. Plus think of the runs we could go on together!

Basically I would view it the same way that I like people who enjoy reading, good movies etc. I don't mean that the girl would have be like a professional sportswoman, a little bit of extra weight would be fine as long as they were looking after themselves in general. I'm not talking about the bits of extra weight that everyone can put on from time to time. I just really dislike the idea of living to excess which often comes hand in hand with being very overweight.

And kudos to Galvasean for calling my bluff :pac:

tallaghtmick

Galvasean wrote: »

Define 'curvy' please. That is something I should have tackled in my OP, a pet peeve of mine is what i consider the bastardization of the word 'curvy'. Where it used to apply to the likes of Jennifer Lopez and Kelly Brooke with their amazing figures, it has been hijacked to be used as a polite way of saying 'overweight' to make overweight people feel better about themselves.

i use curvy instead of saying chubby is that better for ye:D

Eve_Dublin

Personally I'm not attracted to overweight men and I wouldn't go near a man with a beer belly (it's an indicator that they probably drink too much). Every man I've ever gone out with has been slim if not reasonably fit (although I avoid fitness fanatics or jocky types just because I'm not). If I bother my arse to stay healthy, then I'd hope the man I'm with would respect me enough to do the same and want to make the effort to be sexually attractive for me as I would for him. You owe it to each other and also I'd hope they'd live a long, healthy life with me and not die in their 60s.

Dolph Starbeam

Galvasean wrote: »

I suspect there are many others who feel the same way about this issue, but I get the feeling many are ashamed to admit it for fear of being seen as 'shallow' or whatnot. Personally I don't see it as being a sign of shallowness. Everyone has preferences. you can't change what you are attracted to, even if you'd like to.

Well said, i don't mind a small bit of extra weight, i don't exactly have a 6 pack myself and am light enough myself, but someone who is noticably fatter or heavier than i am i would find it difficult to find them attractive.

Galvasean wrote: »

The question being, "Would you date someone who was noticably heavier/fatter than you?"

No.

Bottle_of_Smoke

No.

Just don't find them attractive. I find figures like Lady Gaga and Cheryl Cole the hottest but I am also realistic about how few women can look like that.

If a girl is overweight, it goes further than physical attraction. If she's willing to be unmotivated about excess weight you have to wonder if she'll be unmotivated about other things down the line.

What's really scary is what's becoming socially acceptable weight wise is getting bigger and bigger. People who'd be considered fat 20 years ago are praised for ''being themselves'' because there's so many people fatter than them nowadays.

I live in Netherlands and coming home for Christmas it is shocking how many people are fat here. I think it really needs to become more taboo to be overweight and not something to be sympathised with.

PK2008

I would, I find myself attracted to women who are proportionate rather than 'under or over weight'

I think there is a hip ratio thing which catches my eye; an overweight woman can still be very attractive is she is hip/waist/bust ratio works- just like a slim woman might not be attractive is she has no 'curves'.

Know what I mean?

amacachi

amacachi wrote: »

I'm 6 foot 2 and over 22 stone so I wouldn't go out with someone taller or heavier than me. :pac: I find any overweightness very unattractive in women.

You must be a ride

tallaghtmick

Starla_o0 wrote: »

You must be a ride

obviously the sarcasm detector you bought from prof. frink doesn't work

amacachi

Starla_o0 wrote: »

You must be a ride

Oh hells yeah, I'm also going bald and I hear a lot of women love the overweight and early baldness look.

sam34

no need for that, starla

PK2008

amacachi wrote: »

Oh hells yeah, I'm also going bald and I hear a lot of women love the overweight and early baldness look.

They love a big fat baldy fella alright....:D


Ok going OT now, lets get back on track- for me its all about the proportions

tallaghtmick

PK2008 wrote: »

They love a big fat baldy fella alright....:D

thats what women say about me mickey.......now thats OT :pac:

PK2008

tallaghtmick wrote: »

thats what women say about me mickey.......now thats OT :pac:

That was the joke mate

tallaghtmick

PK2008 wrote: »

That was the joke mate

damn i read it too quick i thought you wrote i love a big fat baldy fella

tallaghtmick

tallaghtmick wrote: »

obviously the sarcasm detector you bought from prof. frink doesn't work

you should send yours back for a refund as well

tallaghtmick

Starla_o0 wrote: »

you should send yours back for a refund as well

his comment was sarcastic funny yours was just catty

Goduznt Xzst

The question is too easy.

Of course people are going to say that, as they are not attracted to overweight women, they would not date them.

A question with a bit more meat on it would be, those of you who wouldn't date a person heavier than you, would you also leave a person you had been dating for, lets say, 2 years who got fat?

tallaghtmick

tallaghtmick wrote: »

his comment was sarcastic funny yours was just catty

meow!

thecatspjs

Goduznt Xzst wrote: »

A question with a bit more meat on it would be, those of you who wouldn't date a person heavier than you, would you also leave a person you had been dating for, lets say, 2 years who got fat?

Or indeed if they got too slim.

That is tough to answer unless you're in the situation. But I guess if you're just not physically attracted to someone anymore then there's nothing for it but to let them know.
Ideally they'd understand what you say and not take any great offense, but it would admittedly be a huge blow if someone were to say it to me. Unless of course I deep down knew it was coming

For the record, I don't have problems dating people heavier/taller/slimmer/smaller etc than me. I have found all different types of women attractive and the same types unnatractive for various reasons

sam34

starla, cut it out. final warning

Gerry Manderer

God no, nothing attractive about a fat arse no matter how nice a girl's personality is. Nice as a friend but a partner, no.

Wolfe Tone

Simple answer, no.

tallaghtmick

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GanoYEO0TXQ

Sugar Free

It depends on the extent of things but except for rare circumstances, no.

Reg'stoy

Would I fancy an stout woman, short answer no. I believe we as males are genetically predisposed to find certain female features attractive. I myself find a particular female shape as in Kelly Brook's to be Smartie to thumb tack making. I find the manish stick thin female form favoured by some to be a complete turn off, probably more so than an overweight woman.

Should I feel bad about this, again short answer no, I'm not going to be nasty but if you're very overweight there is no one else to blame but yourself and I shouldn't be made to feel bad about not fancying you.

I should say that for me stout/fat are those women with the multiple spare tyres and the back fat that squeezes over the edge of the clothes that they foolishly think fits them. Unlike some of those heat type publications, I don't consider some of the so called female celebs to be fat just because they have shock horror gained a stone.

As for continuing to find a partner attractive after she had gained weight, well I would hope I had the balls to mention something but I don't think my wife herself would let it come to that as both of us are fairly healthy.

Might I be the first to stick his head above the Parapet and point out that all too often Irish women expect us to delighted that they allow us into their oversized knickers. In fairness a fat women is always going to get laid in Ireland easier than a fat bloke.

investment

Galvasean wrote: »

Define 'curvy' please. That is something I should have tackled in my OP, a pet peeve of mine is what i consider the bastardization of the word 'curvy'. Where it used to apply to the likes of Jennifer Lopez and Kelly Brooke with their amazing figures, it has been hijacked to be used as a polite way of saying 'overweight' to make overweight people feel better about themselves.

LOOKING AT YOUR USERNAME: BY Chance ARE YOU PAUL GALVIN.........:cool:

sam34

investment, keep on topic please

Handsome Bob

Awkward question for me, tad overweight myself so I feel a "people in glass houses" mentality coming on. That being said, I've lost most of mine, so can feel a bit better about answering the question. :pac:

I think the honest answer is that it's entirely possible that I could be attracted to someone carrying extra weight, and aye even heavier than me. I mean c'mon, just because someone might be carrying a bit of extra weight that doesn't necessarily mean that they are unattractive. I'm attracted to faces mostly, and if someone has a beautiful face, there's every chance I'd be attracted to them.

But yeah, sometines too much is too much.

miec

In general I would not date a fat bloke, however, there were two large men that I found very attractive, the first was married (so no go there) but he had a fantastic personality was extremely confident and it was that I found attractive, the second guy for some reason his weight suited him, he lost a load of weight and he looked awful thin, unfortunately he only saw me as a friend. I think though they were the exception, I prefer slim to medium sized men.

I agree with many posters that as a nation the Irish are getting fatter and fatter. It is really worrying, I don't support the super size thing or the super skinny look. It is all about balance.

audi4444

must say my experience slim petite girls better in bed .one girl i was with well overweight she was gud so horses fr courses but i'm more attracted to the slim petite type:Dhad a friend always goes fr bigger type girls felt it was easier get laid ended up marrying petite type

thethedev

Nah couldnt go out with an overweight girl. Its just not a bit attractive.

I don't care for all this plus size crap, fat girls are not meant to be that fat.

That film shallow hal was stupid, the girl was so ****ing fat she was gonna die. He was right not to be attracted to her!
Now of course theres girls who are a wee bit chubby yet still healthy and I could see myself going with one of them easily.

My GF is a size 8 or 10, thats about perfect to me, nice sized arse and nice womanly hips. She has doesnt have a totally flat stomach but I dont think most real girls do unless they really work at it. Anyway its just big enough to give her the cute girl next door look which is what i prefer.

In short, healthy girls are attractive unhealthy girls are ugly.

beks101

This is an interesting topic actually.

Something I've wondered about and noticed a lot is how the majority of couples I see / know seem to be on a par weight-wise - slim girl and athletic guy, slightly bigger girl and slightly heftier guy. It's rare that I would see a very thin guy with a very volumpuous girl for example, or a fitness freak with someone a bit more lax about their body. But then that's just my personal experience.

My weight has varied quite a lot over the years, from seven stone to about ten stone (I'm five foot nothing so it makes a huge difference) and what I've also noticed is that the type of guy I attract at different weights sort of supports the above idea. When I was uber slim and worked out a lot I got attention from the athletic guys, jocks etc - and also shorter, more slight men - and at a bigger weight I attracted bigger men. I guess it's that narcissistic attraction theory!

Personally, I just like a healthy middle-ground. I take care of my health and have to work hard to stay in shape so would find it frustrating being with someone who didn't give a crap.

Edit: woops, wrong forum, but sure fcuk it...in for a penny, in for a pound!

mikemac

I'd say no

And yes, I've been overweight in the past and felt lousy and very self conscious about it.
And it took a lot of hard work, discipline and sweat to sort me out

I got there as I was lazy and didn't give a damn. I wouldn't expect anyone to find me attractive in that state and I suppose I don't find it attractive in others

strobe

Nope, not a chance in hell. If there is one physical characteristic that is a deal breaker for me it's being fat. Just the most unattractive thing in the world to me. I'd imagine most men, and women for that matter, feel the same.

Goduznt Xzst wrote:

A question with a bit more meat on it would be, those of you who wouldn't date a person heavier than you, would you also leave a person you had been dating for, lets say, 2 years who got fat?

Well if it was a case where they were just constantly getting fatter and doing nothing about it. I'd say something to them about it. Not "hey fatty get your ass down the gym!" or anything. But maybe suggest to them that I felt I was getting a bit unfit myself and ask them if they'd start eating better with me and if we could start exercising together or something, in the most subtle way I could. Everyone puts on a kilo or two every now and again. As long as you are doing something about it it's not a big deal.

But basically, if they got very fat I would no longer find them sexually attractive. I couldn't stay in a relationship with someone I was no longer attracted to. A massive part of a relationship is sex and attraction, it's the difference between a friendship and something more than that. The relationship would basically just be threading water until it went under.

Galvasean

Goduznt Xzst wrote: »

A question with a bit more meat on it would be, those of you who wouldn't date a person heavier than you, would you also leave a person you had been dating for, lets say, 2 years who got fat?

In a situation like that you'd have to examine why they put on the extra weight. If it's a case that they simply 'let themself go' that is unacceptable in my book. In a relationship I feel there is a certain responsibility for both people to take care of themselves physically (not to mention the health ramifications). Granted, it is unreasonable to expect a woman to maintain her figure after having say two kids. However, if your partner is getting complacent about their appearance / helath in a relationship it is a problem IMO.

beks101 wrote: »

Edit: woops, wrong forum, but sure fcuk it...in for a penny, in for a pound!

Female POV's welcome.

Otis Driftwood

Personally speaking the majority of girls Ive been in relationships with would have been of the thicker variety (curvy is too grey).If a girl was very overweight then I probably wouldnt be attracted to her.It doesnt make me a bad person,its just my personal preference.

Giselle

LZ5by5 wrote: »

I mean c'mon, just because someone might be carrying a bit of extra weight that doesn't necessarily mean that they are unattractive. I'm attracted to faces mostly, and if someone has a beautiful face, there's every chance I'd be attracted to them.

But yeah, sometines too much is too much.

A warm smile and twinkly eyes trumps a bit of chunkiness everytime, and I'd have a guy with a bit of excess and a great sense of humour over a guy who spends his life in the gym and obsessing over his diet any day.:)

Theres always a limit though.

chicken fingers

Hey, a beer belly does not mean that the guy drinks too much or even at all!

I drink, and I have a really small beer belly, but the belly is from eating lots of really good food (tbh the gf would not be happy if I replaced it with abs, she says its cute, so off the hook on that one!)

sollar

Perfect weight imo

john t

I admire and respect women with large frame and curves, most are very attractive and easy too approach also mmmmmmm very huggable and sexy...:p

Stella2010

Wondering here about guys who are already dating or married .
Do you tell the oh / mrs if she starts getting a bit chunky or do you let it go.
I know a few ladies who are settled or got married over the last couple of years and have gained considerable weight.
I know I wouldn't be happy if my man started to increase in size and I would be the first to point it out.
Prob quite a bitchy attitude but I see being overweight as a sign of laziness and a lack of self respect.
I have been bigger than I am now ( size 8 - 5" 3 ) due to medication and I hated every minute of it, I felt unattractive and uncomfortable and didn't get nearly half the attention I do now.
If nothing else being slim for me is a confidence boost , looking the best you can while you are still young enough to do so !

fasty

My girlfriend has put on a bit of weight since we started dating and I've told her not that she's fat, but that she needs to be more active and not eat two helpings of dinner so often. She seems up for coming out running with me.

I definitely find her less attractive now and unless she does something about it, it's going to be a problem.

She's under the impression that if you love and want to be with someone, these things shouldn't matter.

I don't really mind girls that are a little bit chubby by modern standards.

Connie_c28

I'm overweight now. Have always been bigger than as in 12-14 at most but am sporty so never bothered me but had a bad injury a few years ago and went up to a size 18 purely cause I couldn't train. Had got back to a size 14-16 until sept and another poxy excuse the language :P set back and haven't been able to train much if even anything past light walks and swims but hopefully will be able to go back training properly in the next few weeks so hope to get back to my original 12-14 or even just 14 and I will be happy.

Relevance to the question? Eh I don't find myself attractive now so how would I expect a man to?
I don't get girls who say they are BBW cause I really don't think they exist. Oh but you have a lovely face nad personality! wtf?

I do realise some have a reason as I suppose I have for putting on my weight but that won't stop me trying to lose it purely for myself (and the health implications extra weight brings with it).
I detest lazy people who say oh I have a thyroid problem as they stuff their faces with take away, crisps and sweets....

MIN2511

sorry what does bbw mean?