Living Arrangements

Worried Soul

How would you ladies feel about your bf living with 4 girls? And one other guy in the house? Been going out for over 2 years now .. it still bothers me. Should it?

FayeRayRay

I can see how you feel a bit uneasy about it. I think its because us women dont like the thought of us being the only woman who they think about. My OH works in an office full of women, and they answer his phone when I call him and stuff. I got used to it after a while. Chances are by him living with other females, he will understand you and appreciate you a lot more.

Try not to worry, its been three years that says something.

Good Luck

x

RedXIV

If I may speak for guys here. and possibly to ease your thoughts. Any girls I lived with in college slowly drove me demented. Living with girls that your aren't going out with is very trying on your patience. They get worked up about alot of little things that guys don't and as a result, you feel less comfortable than you would in a house full of guys. This is also where the idea that they become more understanding comes from. Because if they didn't, there would be war in the house all the time.

Before anyone comes in with flying accusations of how wrong I am, I'm just speaking from experience of myself and friends.

Worried Soul

RedXIV wrote: »

If I may speak for guys here. and possibly to ease your thoughts. Any girls I lived with in college slowly drove me demented. Living with girls that your aren't going out with is very trying on your patience. They get worked up about alot of little things that guys don't and as a result, you feel less comfortable than you would in a house full of guys. This is also where the idea that they become more understanding comes from. Because if they didn't, there would be war in the house all the time.

Before anyone comes in with flying accusations of how wrong I am, I'm just speaking from experience of myself and friends.

On the flipside of that.. it could also make you realise how nice the girl is.. realise that you have loads of common, get on with her like a house on fire, look at films, cook meals, see them in their dressing gowns at night.. and slowly but surely realise you're in love with them?? Or am I just being a paranoid girl here?

Mollikins

Worried Soul wrote: »

How would you ladies feel about your bf living with 4 girls? And one other guy in the house? Been going out for over 2 years now .. it still bothers me. Should it?

I can see how the situation has been worrying you but at the end of the day you're the one he has been going out with for over two years. You're the one he wants to be with. He's probably just sees them as friends and like RedXIV said above he could be driven demented by their drama at times. I know it's easier said than done but try not to think about it too much.

Morlar

Fwiw I think you may be just being paranoid. It is a possibility but so is falling for a random girl at work. Likewise it's possible for you to fall for someone else too - doesn't make it likely.

I think this would depend on how things were going overall.

If things are not going so great then it's more of a possibility than if things are going very well. So it'd probably be better to focus on how things are going than to obsess about his housemates. Just my 2c.

RedXIV

Worried Soul wrote: »

On the flipside of that.. it could also make you realise how nice the girl is.. realise that you have loads of common, get on with her like a house on fire, look at films, cook meals, see them in their dressing gowns at night.. and slowly but surely realise you're in love with them?? Or am I just being a paranoid girl here?

No. What you'll notice is
"You need to clean that up"
"I'll be out in a minute" x 100 when you're bursting to go
"Oh I threw that out? did you need it?"
"No, we're watching x factor and thats that"
"Video Games are stupid"
"I think you need to be more considerate"

and then there's the things like:
28 hours of soaps a week coupled with x factors and soppy movies
Bathrooms covered in make up and hair
Giggling to herself as she's texts people.
SHOUTING down the phone as she sits beside you on the sofa

I could go on but I'd hate some of the women I lived with to realise how strained living relations were

Worried Soul

so no one would have a problem with this?? Amazing!! All very secure people on this website!!:D

Girlfriends of mine have lived with guys in the past. You just have to trust them, OP.

Novella

I wouldn't mind at all. I lived with four guys in my first year of college, so I guess I can see it from that angle. It really wouldn't bother me though, life's just too short for worrying about every little thing that could possibly happen. If a guy is gonna cheat on you, he'll cheat.

RedXIV

Worried Soul wrote: »

so no one would have a problem with this?? Amazing!! All very secure people on this website!!:D

Have you lived with the opposite gender OP? there is a reason they say men are from mars and women are from venus. And when you live with someone you see the good but more importantly, you see the baaaadd. things that would completely put you off someone.

Antomus Prime

Do you trust your boyfriend OP??

If the answer is yes then that should be then end of your worry.

Even if one of the girls came onto him doesn't mean he's gonna act on it.
I can kinda see where you're coming from but if you answered yes then there should be no problem.

Worried Soul

I trust him a million percent and hes been nothing but an angel to me throughout our relationship.I guess a lot of it is just jealousy that they get to hang out with him and I don't , as i live 3 hours away and only see him at weekends

Antomus Prime

Worried Soul wrote: »

I trust him a million percent and hes been nothing but an angel to me throughout our relationship.I guess a lot of it is just jealousy that they get to hang out with him and I don't , as i live 3 hours away and only see him at weekends

Long distance can be hard alrite. Like I said I see where you're coming from but from a guys point of view I dont think you have anything to worry about. Living with someone of the opposite sex doesn't mean you're gonna develop feelings or urges towards them.

FayeRayRay

Like a little bit of jealousy is completely normal, exactly like if you were living in a house with all other guys. I completely know how you feel, mind you I haven't been in the exact same situation as you.

ulinbac

What I have found from experience is that any gfs say they are fine if you are living with girls, did if for nearly all of the college. Problem seems to ly when they meet the girl and if the gf thinks the girl is good looking or not, which is seen as competition in many girls eyes, not all. I will stress though that a guys version of a good looking girl and a girls version tend to be different!

There tends to be the very odd well placed question as to whether the gf is better looking than any of the housemates. Has happened all the lads I know with gfs and myself. They say guys are competitive but when its girl v girl get out of the way:P.

Das Kitty

My husband has lots of female friends and lived with 3 girls in college. It never even occurred to me to feel one way or another about their gender. I do remember telling my mam and her being wary (she found it hard when I started seeing him as it was just the two of us for years).

Wibbs

RedXIV wrote: »

Living with girls that your aren't going out with is very trying on your patience.

Yep and yet another reason not to let down below overrule between the ears on such things. Because one day when the novelty and the cute phase has passed, I guarantee that kinda thing will drive you demented. I see it with married friends. I'd give the same advice to the ladies too BTW. While a large chunk of men and women are from Mars and Venus respectively, there are enough out there from earth. Aim for them.

seenitall

Wibbs wrote: »

Yep and yet another reason not to let down below overrule between the ears on such things. Because one day when the novelty and the cute phase has passed, I guarantee that kinda thing will drive you demented. I see it with married friends. I'd give the same advice to the ladies too BTW. While a large chunk of men and women are from Mars and Venus respectively, there are enough out there from earth. Aim for them.

What are you saying exactly? People should stick to their own gender when choosing flatmates (bar ones who are from "Earth"), or a couple living together is generally inadvisable (as per your married friends)?

I'd never ever live with anyone again, even if I didn't have a child. It would have to be a pretty special flatmate/OH/whoever to make me reconsider. Just too damn set in my ways of housekeeping at this stage, not to mention all the bad and the ugly with communal living and co-habitation I've been through. Conversely, I don't think I would even fall for someone who lived with a few other people (no matter what gender) - I imagine there would be too much of a general discrepancy in personalities - I see it as mostly a young person's thing...

Wibbs

seenitall wrote: »

What are you saying exactly? People should stick to their own gender when choosing flatmates (bar ones who are from "Earth"),

Nope not really. It depends on the individual. Some are more easy going, some are more rigid. The latter may be better off on their own. Mixed flatmates, again depends on how easy going everyone is. Maybe that's why its a more young persons thing as the young do tend to be more flexible until they settle into their own heads.

or a couple living together is generally inadvisable (as per your married friends)?

Nope again. I simply mean that people should be aware that the initial novelty of the relationship will wear off and you'll be left with each other as people and characters, so don't base living together on that first flush of lurve. Your heart(and pants) can create a notion of compatibility that your head bringing up the rear may not agree with. Plus yep some are Martians, some are Venusians and all that guff. Depending on the individual again that may float your boat in your partner, but someone more flexible is a better bet IMHO.

Black Swan

Having opposite gender roommates can pose problems too. Split the rent with my first male student starting in September. We had a clear understanding that we could be friends, but nothing more. Since that time, he has made more subtle moves on me than a chess grandmaster. I'd ask him to leave, but the academic year has already advanced, it would be hard to find a replacement, and I cannot afford to pay his half and mine too on my starving student budget. So I feel trapped.

Celtise

I am kind of in the opposite position. I am a female living with three other guys (one is a friend I knew previously). Prior to moving in here I lived with four guys for two years (we even moved to a different place together). We were strangers at first but now best of friends. Their girlfriend's that didn't know me found our friendships very strange but those that knew me never saw me as a threat and understood that living with girls just makes me go insane (seriously can't handle them). The one downside is that guys that didn't know me kind of assumed I was attached to one of them when we all went out together. That really didn't bother me much as having all guy friends is just the way I am and I'm not going to change for any man. Oh and I only had one make the move when we were drunk once and we were both single at the time so all good but hope your situation improves Blue_Lagoon.

cynder

11 years ago my fella lived with 3 girls, for months (approx 6-10). That is until he got blind drunk pucked on the stairs and slept naked in one of their beds and pucked all over that too, then he was asked to leave.

We've been together 13 years in January.

Ickle Magoo

Worried Soul wrote: »

How would you ladies feel about your bf living with 4 girls? And one other guy in the house? Been going out for over 2 years now .. it still bothers me. Should it?

Nope - why should it bother you? Unless you are insecure in yourself, your relationship or you don't trust your girlfriend?

Through uni I shared a flat with four guys - and they were best pals with the five guys in the flat across the hallway so we lived in each others places, never had so much as a snog with any of them despite pubbing and clubbing regularly. :cool:

Dinkie

From what I hear, the girls my current bf lived with nagged him to eat healthier, start cooking etc.... in effect they may have improved him.

I wouldn't like my BF to live with just one girl. But thats mainly because I stay the night there 1-2 nights per week (he stays with me about 3 - but we live about 150 kms apart so it works for us). I would feel awkward if it was just one girl.

Girls can be tidier, cleaner and if they are nice, they can end up being good friends. Also from my experience (and I used to live with a couple guys), they can be good for chosing presents, advice, etc.

The Agogo

Dinkie wrote: »

Girls can be tidier, cleaner and if they are nice, they can end up being good friends. Also from my experience (and I used to live with a couple guys), they can be good for chosing presents, advice, etc.

This made me laugh very very hard.

(Just from my own personal experience now)

Victor

I've lived with quite a few people, but have never tried anything with any of them. Some, especially the house mother / landlord's daughter types are positively off-putting.

Worried Soul wrote: »

How would you ladies feel about your bf living with 4 girls? And one other guy in the house? Been going out for over 2 years now .. it still bothers me. Should it?

Have you listened to Beyonce's "Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)"

--LOS--

I'd feel more sorry for him than anything living with that many girls :P

how is it any different than a girl living with a bunch of guys, i think most people would be of the thinking that people you live with are off limits anyway, if he wants to ogle girls he can do that anywhere as you can with guys.

Worried Soul

Worried Soul wrote: »

On the flipside of that.. it could also make you realise how nice the girl is.. realise that you have loads of common, get on with her like a house on fire, look at films, cook meals, see them in their dressing gowns at night.. and slowly but surely realise you're in love with them?? Or am I just being a paranoid girl here?

You are in love with a housemate ?

Maple

RoverJames wrote: »

You are in love with a housemate ?

No, the OP is afraid that her boyf might end up falling for one of his female housemates.

Abi

Novella wrote: »

I wouldn't mind at all. I lived with four guys in my first year of college, so I guess I can see it from that angle. It really wouldn't bother me though, life's just too short for worrying about every little thing that could possibly happen. If a guy is gonna cheat on you, he'll cheat.

^^This whole post tbh.


As the lease holder of a house several years ago I deliberately interviewed guys only for the available rooms. My main reasoning behind it was that I simply get on better in an envirnoment where there are mostly males, that goes for home or work place. I came and went as I pleased, as did the guys - but it helps if you have the kind of living envirnoment where you know you could bring up an issue with someone and it wont be taken up the wrong way. Probably the wrong place to say that >_> but for me, I'd a lot of problems in the past living with women.

Assumably OP, your boyfriend was living with them before you met him? So far as I can see, you've no reason not to trust him.

Toto Wolfcastle

If someone is going to cheat then they are going to cheat. I can't see what there is to worry about. If you're secure in your relationship then you shouldn't worry. I live with 2 guys 3 hours away from my fiancé and neither of us have ever considered it an issue. Some of his best friends are women.

It is hard to be apart though, and it is hard to only have the weekends. I'm sure you both make the most of those weekends so think of those times if you feel worried.

DarrenDay

I'd be more upset wtih your boyfriend living with 5 other people. What sort of tenement arrangement is that?

Wibbs

Tenement? Eh a house share would get to 5 people easy enough.

DarrenDay

6 people in this case. I think it is nuts that anybody would live as an adult with more than 2 other adults in a house.

Ickle Magoo

It's nuts that anyone would have a house big enough or want to? Are you including students? I don't know many that have the luxury of limiting house-mates and demanding detached property tbh...

Lia_lia

Meh. I wouldn't be bothered myself.

One of the guys I lived with last year had this girlfriend who seemed very paranoid that I would er...steal him. One of the girls was grand because she had a boyfriend. The other girl was grand because she knew her anyway from playing football. But she hated me! Always threw me dirty looks and never spoke a word to me. The lads said it was because she thought I was out to get him.

Lynnsie

An ex of mine lived with 2 girls for a few months and one of them used to be very flirty with him, and while it annoyed me that she acted like that (even when I was there) I didn't worry about it and it didn't cause any problems. And in college I lived with lads but my then boyfriend really didn't like it, which really annoyed me. It seemed very insecure and possessive.

janeybabe wrote: »

If someone is going to cheat then they are going to cheat.

Exactly. If someone is likely to cheat I don't it will make any difference who they live with. If you think people shouldn't llive with the opposite sex it's like saying they have to be kept away from temptation, so where do you draw that line?

Blush_01

OP, to me it sounds like you're insecure.

I've only once lived in a house where there were no men. Although I dislike my current living arrangement due to personality clashes, it's much preferable to living with her. Women only? That is something I will never, ever do again.

Most men are much less drama, they don't do the same level of neurotic or passive aggressive as women (including myself). There's less bull and a more matter-of-fact approach to things. They're usually more solution orientated too.

When you find a house and group of people you're comfortable living with that's something to be celebrated, regardless of who those people are.

PAULWATSON

FayeRayRay wrote: »

Chances are by him living with other females, he will understand you and appreciate you a lot more.


x

Or he could realise what he is missing?

common sense brigade

I shared a house with 3 guys once. Im a girl!. At the time I was single and the Boys were in relationships. only from my perspective can i say hand on heart I never dreamed of flirting with any of them even though they were great they had girls so that was that. Most women are decent in this respect, and ur boyfriend is with you so just trust him. You will have plenty of time in the future alone living together. I spoilt the lads, I would cook and clean for them and in general i looked after them. I would dry their clothes, fold them for them and all. And get their fav french fancy cakes in.They in turn always looked out for me and helped me through any crap men problems i had. I Loved having the girlfriends over. Once the boys were happy I was happy. God i sound like mammy and u I was only 23. I vividly remember the landlord calling in to check the house over. I had it gleaming and the boys were sitting tucking into chicken curry i had made and i was in kitchen doing dishes. The landlord threw his hands up and said, well lads you lot have clearly landed on your feet. One of the guys had a girlfriend who could be prone to getting a bit jealous to any other women. I just befriended her as much as i could and tried my best to make her see i wasant a threat to her. If a mans going to cheat he will cheat. no matter where he is. a man who loves you could be in a harem surrounded by women and he would only be thinking of you, so dont worry