Share your useful tips

Pace2008

In these dark albeit wonderfully snowy days, we need all the positive threads we can get.

Share any useful tips you’ve picked up that aid help your fellow posters in the quest to put their lives on easy-mode.

My contribution: If you’re working in an open-plan office full of pesky shoulder-looker-overers, don’t type in the reply window when you’re posting up a storm. Open a new Word or email document, enter your thoughts within, and when it’s finished paste it back into the reply box. This significantly narrows the window of time during which you can be caught deviating from your duties.

I did start a thread in the same vein quite some time ago, but I think it’s best to leave it buried in Boards history, and I’m sure we’ve learned a new trick or two over the last year that's worth sharing.

Procasinator

Don't eat yellow snow.

Coriolanus

Convince your boss over a period of months that boards is a valuable source of information and important sounding board for new idea, allowing you to browse it pretty much all day.

Nb: requires a technologically illiterate boss.

fakearms123

Poo is not a good substitute for lubricant

TanG411

If in doubt, pull it out.

mikemac

Only a fool buys milk

Take it home from the office canteen when you finish work

Homer

When one hosts a dinner party, it is essential that all the place mats match, or, at the very least, that they all come from the same fast-food restaurant.

scientific1982

A punch in the throat will end any fight.

knird evol

MOTORISTS. Pressing your 'fog lights' switch a second time after the fog has cleared will actually turn your fog lights off. (thanks viz)

Orando Broom

Coating yourself in olive oil prevents snow adhering to you.

youcancallmeal

Use extra caution near snow because it can reflect and intensify the damaging rays of the sun, which can increase your chance of sunburn.

Deus Ex Machina

If somebody breaks up with you delete every electronic contact you have with them and forget they ever existed.

fakearms123

Deus Ex Machina wrote: »

If somebody breaks up with you delete every electronic contact you have with them and forget they ever existed.

Someone's boyfriend broke up with them :cool:

RedXIV

Learn the hotkeys. watch efficiency grow

Ghandee

Never go to bed with an itchy bum, or you'll wake up with smelly fingers!

jackiebaron

feelingstressed wrote: »

Only a fool buys milk

Take it home from the office canteen when you finish work

Got to pay for milk in our canteen. 60c a carton.

But I do sometimes stroke teabags and jacks roll. Teabags are weak though. Working in Germany, the Germans prefer their coffee so the teabags are these lame Liptons things. You need two just to get a bit of colour into the tea.

Irish Guitarist

If you open Windows Notepad and press F5 it displays the date and time. Everyone else might already know this but I only discovered it yesterday.

Capt'n Midnight

Deus Ex Machina wrote: »

If somebody breaks up with you delete every electronic contact you have with them and forget they ever existed.

But if you've forgotten they've existed you might fall for them when you see them again for the first time

Coriolanus

jackiebaron wrote: »

Got to pay for milk in our canteen. 60c a carton.

But I do sometimes stroke teabags and jacks roll. Teabags are weak though. Working in Germany, the Germans prefer their coffee so the teabags are these lame Liptons things. You need two just to get a bit of colour into the tea.

Bastards! I didn't realise they were kidnapping people as part of the bailout.:o

This wasnt part of the deal Hans!

Princess Peach

When you're feeling under pressure, do something different. Roll up your sleeves, or eat an orange.

papajimsmooth

Put a pinch of sage in your boots and all day long a spicy scent is your reward

Princess Peach

Be on the look out for things that make you laugh. If you see nothing worth laughing at, pretend you see it, then laugh.

Duggy747

If you have XP (Vista and 7 you have to enable Telnet)

Open Command Prompt

Paste this into it:

telnet towel.blinkenlights.nl

Enjoy the ASCII movie :pac:

Sofaspud

Add a dab of lavender to milk; leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it.

FlutterinBantam

Always inspect your partner's piss-flaps before plunging the trumpet.

If there are scabs, boils, and a foul smell, best not to indulge.

Procasinator

Princess Peach wrote: »

When you're feeling under pressure, do something different. Roll up your sleeves, or eat an orange.

I need to get myself a copy of the book of calm.

yellowbear

If you cant lift 'em, Dont Shift 'em!

Capt'n Midnight

Procasinator wrote: »

I need to get myself a copy of the book of calm.

I like black books,

mikemac

If you are having trouble with your computer at home, the IT lads in work just love when you call them up to ask for advice

You can even bring in your laptop and tell them to fix it quick

Lovely guys

Capt'n Midnight

Princess Peach wrote: »

Be on the look out for things that make you laugh. If you see nothing worth laughing at, pretend you see it, then laugh.

I laughed

take short step on slippery surfaces

Some12

When in darkness and doubt, time to pull a condom out.

Colonel Sanders

One for the younger naive ones. No matter what your parents tell you masterbation does not make you go blind so keep knocking them out to your heart's content

Funky Kingston

Cover your shower/bath room mirror with shaving foam and wipe it off, it prevents them from steaming up !

Oh and if he tells you he loves you on the forth date, run like the wind...... but keep the presents

youcancallmeal

Lefty Loosey, Righty Tighty

Ardennes1944

Fiat Punto 8valves are incredibly reliable

Gary4279

Women love sex more than men, they just need a catalysis.

red menace

Press CTRL + V, it possible that what ever you were going to do is stored in the clipboard!

Soby

Duggy747 wrote: »

If you have XP (Vista and 7 you have to enable Telnet)

Open Command Prompt

Paste this into it:

telnet towel.blinkenlights.nl

Enjoy the ASCII movie :pac:

Thats amazing

NothingMan

Ctrl + Alt + down arrow, automatically adjusts your screen to optimal resolution.

EverEvolving

Always make sure to keep an eye on your snowman, never know what might happen it.

FoxT

If you have hiccups, take a spoonful of malt vinegar. Take a deep breath immediately after swallowing. Works great!

FoxT

Nil aon toin tinn, mar do thoin tinn fein!

FoxT

you must wait for 30 seconds between successive posts

iamstop

Save regularly.
Make regular back ups of important docs and photos etc. (now is a good time )
Make periodical back ups of back ups.
Store really important stuff online by emailing it to yourself or something like dropbox -> https://www.dropbox.com/referrals/NTU5Nzk5OQ?src=global0

CrazyRabbit

Never ask to be a mod, or ask how to become a mod. It instantly disqualifies you from ever becoming one.

The best mods are the ones that never wanted to be one.

Son Of A Vidic

fakearms123 wrote: »

Someone's boyfriend broke up with them :cool:

How can you tell it's a girl :eek:

JayEnnis

Walk softly but carry a big stick. If you have to use said stick, make sure who you use it on, doesn't get up.

There are two types of trouble...one is the trouble you knowingly walk into, the other is trouble that just happens...it's important to know the difference.

Foul language is a sign of a limited vocabulary

Never go to bed angry.

Family is the most important thing on earth.

The phrases "I don't know", "I forgot", or "I tried (and failed)" are excuses.
There is a difference between an excuse and a reason, know the difference.

strokemyclover

1. Start your own hippy commune
2. Take selected residents as wives who can receive your seed and produce a master race
3. Stock up on weapons to defend your new utopia against 'The Man'
4. Don't pay the ferryman

Its amazing what you can pick up from Chris de Burgh's autobiography!

Saila

Irish Guitarist wrote: »

If you open Windows Notepad and press F5 it displays the date and time. Everyone else might already know this but I only discovered it yesterday.

thats a kerry man invention isnt it
kind of like an ashtray on a motorbike

Saila

have you tried turning it off and turning it back on

Happynappy

If you are travelling to a neighbouring town, tie an onion to your belt