what to do?

LegacyUser

Okay going to try keep this short...

I've recently discovered that my mother may be cheating on my Father (30yrs married). I noticed some things out of the ordinary...lots of texting, phone calls, keeping the phone very close to her etc. I became very suspicious as this was not like her. When I did get near her phone I saw messages saying "I love you xxx" what more proof do you need really????

I haven't said anything as I may have got the wrong end of the stick although it's unlikely. My problem is what do I do? Do I confront her about it? This would destroy my father, all of us, their children are raised and are not dependent on the them but I don't want to be the one to deliver this blow to my dad.

I have recently told my sister about this and she was shocked. I am not going to do anything about this, this side of christmas anyway. But I'm just wondering if anybody has any thoughts on how to deal with this situation. I do not want to hurt my dad by telling him this and I don't think my mother would actually leave the marriage so do I keep quiet? I'm just very confused!

sam34

i'll probably be slated for this, but my opinion is that you should not interfere, particularly given that this is based on speculation.

it's their relationship, not yours. stay out of it.

LegacyUser

I would definately agree that I probably should, but it is hard knowing what I know! plus if it does come out that it's true and i knew all along thats going to look bad.

star-pants

Sam34 is right, even though I know I'd want to interfere myself. It is their relationship and you only have speculation and if you went saying anything it could blow things out of proportion if it's nothing.

If you feel like you have to do something, you could try talking to your mother, say you've noticed her behaviour changes, and wonder if she's ok etc. She might open up to you. If she doesn't, unless you go accusing her/say you looked at her texts, you can't get her to explain it if she doesn't want to.

If you raised your concerns with your dad, even if it was nothing/jumping to conclusions, you'd unhinge their relationship. And it's not down to you, as horrible as it is. Tbh I don't know how I'd react in such a situation, but it's a very tough.

28064212

Without cast-iron proof, you certainly can't tell your father. One message with no context and some odd behaviour is not proof. If you tell your father, it will likely destroy your relationship with both of them regardless of whether you're right or wrong.

You've three options at this point:

1. Confront your mother, asking for an explanation
2. Look for proof
3. Ignore it, it's their business, not yours

Option (1) will depend on how open your relationship is with your mother. You have to be careful not to be accused of invading her privacy. However, it may be the best way forward, giving her a chance to explain her actions (for example, there's a possibility that she's having an outside relationship with your father's full knowledge and permission, or that their marriage is already over and they're just together for the sake of appearances).