Can She Change/Stop/Open?

LegacyUser

Care a lot about a girl, but I won't allow myself to attempt to make a real play for her because of her lifestyle ( lots of guys, drink, ingenuity)

Shes opened up before, and it was great.

Definite chemistry, but she seems to play to others expectations (sheep)

She frustrates me so much, and I am so close to walking away forever, but if there is a glimmer of hope in terms of her shedding this stupid outer layer then I would fight to bring it out.

Opinions?

Scambuster

Always a danger to try and change someone. I'm familiar with the situation and I reckon that they are not worth the inevitable hassle.

tinyk

I think if there's feelings there don't give up yet, it's hard for some people to feel comfortable and open up and talk about personal stuff, if she's opened up once she is starting to fully trust you and I would say you will see more of that if you have a little patience, it's not unusual for people to keep feelings bottled up when you've been hurt a few times. Hope it works out!:):D:rolleyes:

LegacyUser

Not necessarily looking for her to open up all the time, although once every while would be nice, moreso shed the layer of artificiality, because she is better than it

cafecolour

I'd say, leave it. If she's going to 'settle down' (ie stop partying as much, flitting about with different people), then it's likely to come as a factor of age and maturing a bit (and losing a bit of the party 'need'), not as an immediate change from your influence.

FoxT

I suggest you tell her how you feel. You may be rejected & if that happens it will hurt - but would be better for you IMO to do it that way than to carry on as you are.

What do you mean by ingenuity?

LegacyUser

ingenuity, as in, a lack of public respect for some people when surrounded by others, the continuing "playing towards" the expectations of other artificial people, could tell you a lie if she needed to.

It all points towards RUN, but then the moments of insight, when meaningful conversations would happen, when her walls would come down, when shes vulnerable, are so amazing.

28064212

Cansheopen/change? wrote: »

Not necessarily looking for her to open up all the time, although once every while would be nice, moreso shed the layer of artificiality, because she is better than it

Have you considered the possibility that she's actually happy with her life? Maybe she likes going out and drinking, and (shock horror) she likes meeting lots of guys? You call it an 'artificial' layer, but it sounds like it's just as genuinely a part of her as when she "opens up"

LegacyUser

The way you've said that has made out like im some sort of jealous prude. I like to have fun too, and have had my fair share of flings, but i have limits.. i listen to reason

28064212

Cansheopen/change? wrote: »

The way you've said that has made out like im some sort of jealous prude. I like to have fun too, and have had my fair share of flings, but i have limits.. i listen to reason

I never said anything about you or how you live your life. You are making judgements on her life, based on what? "Lots of guys, drink, ingenuity [sic]" are part of who she is, not part of some artificial layer you can just strip out because you don't agree with it

Distorted

Do you like her, or the person you would like her to be? How do you propose to get her to become that person all the time (or enough of the time to satisfy you). You actually sound very critical in your character assassination of her, whereas to an independent observer, her only real faults seem to be that she is not exactly how you would like her to be. So who is being the most honest?