desire for a once off kiss

paddy1909

I’m 25 yrs old and have been with my girlfriend for the past 3 yrs. She is my best friend and I care for her and love her very much. I am very happy with her in every way but I’m starting to feel like I’m missing out on the excitement of meeting new girls. I need the rush of excitement that I never experienced in my teenage yrs. I hav jumped from my first relationship into this one and I never played the field.
This is the girl I want to be with forever I think. i cant even understand whats happened to me but its such a strong feeling and when i think about it, it depresses me. its like the desire to cheat is taking over. But I met a girl I got on really well with a few wks ago and would have loved to kiss her (wont ever see her again as she is foreign) Its not that she was amazingly beautiful, I just started to feel excitement again.
I never want to lose my girlfriend nor replace her. All I want is to go out and kiss a girl, just one girl or I feel I will have regrets when I’m older. I don’t want to sleep with others I simply want to kiss a nice looking girl. Please understand my predicament and advise me how I can do this without my girlfriend ever finding out?
I want to stay with my girlfriend but I will have so many regrets in 10 years time if I just don’t do this once. And once is all I need. I just need to be able to satisy my desire to kiss another girl.
Please help me as I’m feeling very down about this. I feel as if my lifes passing me by and some day ill look back and ill never have kissed more than 3 girls.
I don’t want to be single or meet someone new, all I want is a kiss with a hot girl.
So how do I do it without my oh finding out and without any of my mates finding out for that matter? Also I have to make sure its not a girl who clings, should I tell her first that I have a girlfriend? Should I change my name or should I deny it down to the ground?

sun_moon_stars

If you want to kiss another girl then you shouldn't be with your girlfriend its not fair on her she doesnt deserve that and you know it.
Your just thinking about what you might miss out on but not what you have now. Some people go through their whole life wishing they had a relationship like yours
What would happen if you did decide to go behind her back and kiss someone else even if there is no hope of you meeting them again do you think you could live with the guilt if ye were together in the future. Is it worth ruining what you have now? If she did find out you know your relationship would never be the same

shebango

OP - ask yourself this. What is a kiss going to solve? Or give you?

Say you do it - could you live with the guilt? Does your girlfriend deserve this?

Most people in relationships still have urges, still find other people attractive, still have fantasies. But they don't act on them out of respect for their partner.

If kissing another girl is such a priority, then do it. But cut your girlfriend loose. You really cant have both.

Why should you get to deceive someone you supposedly love just so you can satisfy your curiosity.

Who's to say how you'll feel in ten years time? If your only regret in ten years is not having kissed more than three girls, then really, you'd be doing well. Have you ever thought that in ten years, you may be proud of the fact that you were tempted to cheat on your girlfriend but instead, you acted like a responsible adult and didn't? I know what i'd prefer.

And btw - playing the field isn't all it's cracked up to be. It can be an empty, lonely existence. And a lot of people playing the field would prob give their right arm to have the relationship that you have. My advice - don't f*ck it up. I really don't think having a one time kiss with a good looking girl is worth what you stand to lose.

pwd

Either forget about it, or tell your girlfriend how you feel. Not surprising you feel that way if you're 25 and only kissed three girls. Don't kiss someone behind her back, it will fnck things up.

Your gf might understand. She might like the idea of kissing other boys. She might be ok with pulling back and not being exclusive for a while. She might be ok with other variations. Or she might be hurt and confused by the suggestion and have no interest in any of those things at all.

If you do want to talk to her about it, choose your timing sensitively. If she expresses interest in other guys, then a good time would be when she does that. If you think she'd never go for it, or if you wouldn't be ok with her doing the same thing, just forget about it.

When I think about it, you really only seem to be considering this from your own point of view. Are you sure you actually love your gf? Some people dont get the difference between liking the way someone makes you feel, and actually caring about them. You dont talk like you care about her at all. When I think about what you're saying [or how you say it], you probably should break up with her and grow up a bit before getting into a serious relationship again.

dan_d

Grass is always greener, and once you try it once, you'll want to do it again.

Bottle_of_Smoke

There's a deeper issue here. Perhaps you feel your life history is inadequate or you don't like your girlfriend as much as you think you do.

Either way if you're this obsessive about a kiss you're also the type of person who'll obsess about feeling guilty about a kiss. It won't solve anything.

I'd chat to a counsellor if I were you. You need to work out what you're actually thinking and what this facination with a kiss might achieve.

beegirl

I get where you're coming from, I was having this conversation with a friend recently! I got married this year it started me thinking about how I'd never kiss anyone new for the first time again - but basically, you can't have your cake and eat it too, it's one or the other!! My friend helpfully reminded me that kissing randomers can end up being disastrous more often than not!!!

Anyway my advice is focus on what you DO have, instead of what you're missing out on... anyone can kiss dozens of different people, whereas not everybody meets somebody that they want to be with forever.

28064212

There is one (and only one) way you can have what you want: with your girlfriend's full and express permission. You can explain what you're feeling to her and see if she's ok with you kissing someone else.

Of course, there's every possibility she'll break up with you for even suggesting it. Or that it will put a massive strain on your relationship that causes it to fall apart. But doing it behind her back is not an option. You'd be cheating on her, plain and simple.

So few people are capable of doing this, or even think of doing it, but put yourself in her shoes: are you ok with her going behind your back for 'just one kiss'?

LegacyUser

dont do it man. i'm speaking from personal experience here. i've been with my partner since i waqs 18. i'm now 23... started feeling i was missing out on playing the field and the like.. met a girl i really got on with ect and i went and kissed her... one of the biggest regrets of my life..

it wont make you feel any better
it wont satisfy the feeling of missing out
and you will want to do it again..
if you love your girlfriend and you want to be with her then dont do it. your not missing out on anything

Zen65

paddy1909 wrote: »

I never want to lose my girlfriend nor replace her. All I want is to go out and kiss a girl, just one girl or I feel I will have regrets when I’m older.

Paddy,

You have two paths in front of you:

(A) Cheat on your gf, kiss a random "hot girl" and suffer regret for the rest of your life (starting immediately) because you behaved so badly, or worse still, regret because this wonderful gf found out about it and left you.

or

(B) Don't cheat, and run the risk that maybe in years to come you will regret not having kissed another girl.

You need to chose the path of least regret. Maybe there is another option:

(C) As a compromise, maybe you could get your gf to change her look occasionally, just as "fun" for a night. By changed look I mean wear a wig (totally different to her own colour), different clothes & make-up. You seem to want a "hot" girl (which is usually just a way of describing pretty in interesting outfits) so maybe this will give the same "rush" you think you'll get by cheating???

Just a suggestion.


Be at peace with yourself,


Z

mercer

you have what i like to call "the itch" i dont think there is anything deeper then that here. it happens to everyone but its the trade off you make when your in a long term relationship.

all my friends who are in long term relationships - me included have felt this before. one of my friends acted on it and now feels incredibly guilty. any time her bf does something nice for her she feels she cant enjoy it as she gets pangs of guilt.

if you feel you want to kiss another girl, think about your girlfriend and what is at stake. dont do it, the itch will pass and you'll have nothing to regret.

OP – What you are essentially asking people for here is a “how to” guide to getting away with cheating on your other half. You simply are unlikely to get it. Very few people here support that kind of behaviour and many of us spend portions of our days replying to the threads people post on here describing the disastrous aftermath of doing just that.

The only three options available to you that I can think of or that I think likely you will hear on this thread is to break up with this girl, or tell her exactly how you feel, or forget the whole thing and get over it.

My own bias would be towards telling her, but this is simply because I come from a relationship where we tell each other everything, pretty much literally. In fact in terms of your desires our relationship would be a success story for you in that we each have a couple of friends we are ok kissing and we each know about it and are perfectly ok with it. There are just some people so close and trusted to us that we think nothing of each other kissing them every so often.