i asked a girl out on monday night......

SamSamSammy

she said yes....(was 100% sure we both liked each other so that was the easy bit really) we have fun and a laugh ALL the time.

now this morning i've found out she slept with someone (no doubt a randomer) during the week.

i do feel sick because i viewed her as a potential girlfriend rather than someone just to ride....you know hold hands and be nice, not just sex, i cared basically.

i don't really have a problem with her sleeping around (because obviously i don't know her well enough clearly)
BUT i am devastated to find out shes like that and so regret asking her out now.....(i don't want a slut)

major crush, but feel so let down, don't know what to do?
not go out with her? go out with her?

(i don't want just a ride so even if shes easy thats not a reason to go)

and i thought girls were nice

Mrs Garth Brooks

Ah forget her. Know what you mean when they turn out not to be the person you thought they were. They're fkers.

SamSamSammy

i literally feel so sick this morning, awkward now trying to avoid the date but i don't think i can ever think about her the same again. just the way it is.

Dord

I was hoping this was another brummytom thread. I needed a laugh.

James2693

Go out with her ya puff and get the roide

SamSamSammy

its not like that, i actually really liked her..........

Joey the lips

Cool. She's Easy...... Go get a roide.....




On a serious note though...Its not really a morals call for you to make if she slept with someone its just a judgement call. ie do you like her enough to forget her past.

Go out with her have a laugh. She might have just looked at the other night as sex. She has her fix now. It does not guarantee you will get some. She might respect you more. Then again...Do you want sex.

These are only questions you can answer. Go out with her have a laugh and make sure you carry condoms....Its cold outside...

PandyAndy

You asked her out on Monday to go out today/tonight, yea? So up to now she's free to do whatever she wants and seeing as you're not actually going out she's not your girlfriend anyway.

Quit over-reacting, and because she slept with someone doesn't mean straight away she's a slut. If it's really bothering you then talk to her about it...although seeing as it's none of your business either probably won't end well.

So in a nutshell - she's not a slut, go out with her and have fun.

AH answer: FHUTA.

whiskeyman

God man, your both not in a relationship... You're not even going out yet!! Go out and enjoy your life. Ask other girls out. Sleep with other girls. You're still single remember!
She is not a slut for sleeping with someone like that. You need to grow up a bit I think.
That said, do go on the date. Woo her and show her why you might be the guy for her. Isn't that what you want?

SamSamSammy

i suppose i just feel a little disappointed in her cause she's not perfect (but who is!!), didn't think she was like that because thats the way she presented herself......then maybe she was lying to get me to like her.

just a bit confused, asking her out monday i didn't think she'd jump into bed with someone else so soon. maybe i should get over it you're probably right!! but it hurts right now at the same time!

maybe it's about what you expect from people, i wouldn't have done it so didn't expect her to, but not everyone is the same i suppose.....

laugh

Is it never ok for a girl you see as a potential gf to have had a one night stand? Is there some special time frame between when a girl has a one night stand and when she becomes datable again? It would be madness to rule out every girl who ever had a one night stand and the only difference with this girl is when it happened. It's reasonable that you would take exception to her doing it after agreeing to a date with you so be sure it actually happened. Would you think that you deserved the chance to see how the date went if you were the one who had a one night stand? A 1950's attitude will get you no where with Irish women in 2010.

SamSamSammy

i wish i didn't know, what you don't know can't hurt you!!
you're all right of course it shouldn't bother me but its just finding out this morning my heart sank!
i can't explain really.....i just didn't view her that way and then find out right after asking her out, shes single and its ok...
ha i just can't explain why it bothers me, it just does.

johndaman66

SamSamSammy wrote: »

and i thought girls were nice

Your joking me right? That was either sarcasm or you are very green altogether, living like a million miles away from John's world

SamSamSammy

well i thought this one was nice and didn't have one night stands.
as many said i shouldn't let it bother me. i just didn't think SHE was like that, regardless of what the norm is.

orourkeda

are you sure the guy she was with is a randomer and how did you find out?

marxcoo

oh for gods sake!
Firstly, you're assuming it was a randomer she slept it.
Secondly, even if it was- so what! You are willing to judge her so quickly eventhough you stated you really liked her- that's a bit harsh in my opinion. Have you ever slept with a randomer? If you have, would you like this girl to judge you based on that?
Guess what- women enjoy sex and do sometimes just sleep with strangers to satisfy a need- we're not that different to men.

Also- I hope you didn't find out this info while looking through her window. If so, someone should track that girl down and warn her against dating you.

SamSamSammy

friend of a friend let it slip....completely randomer.
i wouldn't have been bother at all if it was last weekend, but when i asked her out i wouldn't have gone out with anyone else let alone sleep with them.....but maybe because that's what i'd do i'm expecting too much.

orourkeda

marxcoo wrote: »

oh for gods sake!
Firstly, you're assuming it was a randomer she slept it.
Secondly, even if it was- so what! You are willing to judge her so quickly eventhough you stated you really liked her- that's a bit harsh in my opinion. Have you ever slept with a randomer? If you have, would you like this girl to judge you based on that?
Guess what- women enjoy sex and do sometimes just sleep with strangers to satisfy a need- we're not that different to men.

Also- I hope you didn't find out this info while looking through her window. If so, someone should track that girl down and warn her against dating you.

What is this? The chap's not Ted Bundy

marxcoo

orourkeda wrote: »

What is this? The chap's not Ted Bundy

as far as we know......

SamSamSammy

if a girl was dating a man......and that man was dating another say three girls, would he be viewed as "double-timer" or would it be seen as ok to go out with as many girls as he likes, sure hes single just dating?

Butterflylove

Are you sure it was 'some randomer'? How do you know this?

You think just because you asked her out that she's going to put on hold someone else she 'might' be seeing? Thats a very high demand from just asking someone out on a date?

you'd want to be honest with this girl and tell her how you feel rather then make up some excuse as 'to get out of it'

marxcoo

SamSamSammy wrote: »

friend of a friend let it slip....completely randomer.
i wouldn't have been bother at all if it was last weekend, but when i asked her out i wouldn't have gone out with anyone else let alone sleep with them.....but maybe because that's what i'd do i'm expecting too much.

I think you need to forget about it. Seriously. If you like her then go out with her and I'm sure if it goes well you'll quickly forget this little 'incident'.

SamSamSammy

ok, the general reaction seems to be i'm expecting too much and overreacting!

that's cool, i suppose i just thought better of her, it's not like i just went up to her and asked her out, weve been texting for two months....just because we were in different places we couldn't go out. the thing is i haven't gone out with anyone on purpose for her for the last two months, again just because i do it doesn't mean she has to!!

easyeason3

So what are you going to do if she decides she never wants to see you again after the date?

SamSamSammy

get over it of course! i was just being loyal to her really i wouldn't like to have two girls going at the same time.

professore

Are you sure the "friend of a friend" is telling the truth ? That's a big question. Go on the date and ask her out straight.

littlefriend

The only real problem here is that you know about it. It'd be much better if you didn't [obviously].

You don't know enough about it to judge her on it tbh - it might not be true for one thing!

mikemac

I would say do not ask her about it on the date
It'll end badly

It's happened before ye even started going out

marxcoo

professore wrote: »

Are you sure the "friend of a friend" is telling the truth ? That's a big question. Go on the date and ask her out straight.

Yes, nice light conversation for the first date...:eek: Whats he going to do if she says that she did? Storm out of the restaraunt?

Hail 2 Da Thief

Go on the date lad. This "friend of a friend" could well be a cockblocker.

Wagon

If you aren't after the ride, then cancel the date. If you don't like the idea that she shagged someone else in the meantime, what the hell will this be like if you two end up in a relationship?

"But Wagon! Why cancel?"
Because every moment you spend thinking about this is another moment wasted when you could be finding someone better.

"What excuse can i use?"
Ring her and tell her you were in a terrible car accident. And your now a vegan. Then hang up.

"Don't you mean a vegetable?"
No no, you heard me right. A vegan. She might be a sly one and pick up on lies fast but if you use this excuse, she won't know what hit her and be too confused to call back.

And you're in the clear! Look on the bright side. Better to find out now then down the line when things get more serious. Get out there and find yourself someone who suits you better son

SamSamSammy

i won't ask her......what's done is done sure.
i'm pretty sure it's 100% fact....they used the friend of a friend condoms, so pretty obvious.
i would rather i not know tbh then there wouldn't be a problem!
will there always be that question in the back of my head while dating....how many others has she got on the go, when i'm being loyal to her.

i agree with most saying no big deal, but it's just that bit of doubt! i'm just disappointed....i wouldn't do it so don't expect it....that reason! i'm probably being silly though but i can't help being loyal

Kimia

I'd be pissed off too, although it seems common whilst 'dating' or just 'meeting' other people, that you're allowed go off and be with other people. IME I haven't done that because if i was going on dates with a guy that I really liked I couldn't be with anyone else because my attention would be on him. But at the same time you are not committed to each other yet and you shouldn't be too harsh.

I would meet her and see how it goes. I wouldn't think this is a deal-breaker in fairness, although I totally get why you're annoyed, I would be too.

DOC09UNAM

She's a slut because she had sex with someone during the week?

LOL

SamSamSammy

thank you kimia.

SamSamSammy

SamSamSammy wrote: »

if a girl was dating a man......and that man was dating another say three girls, would he be viewed as "double-timer" or would it be seen as ok to go out with as many girls as he likes, sure hes single just dating?

Can I be the one to point out the bleedin' obvious...

You're not dating!
... yet. If it happened after your first date, that's bad. But, once again...

YOU'RE NOT DATING!

Jaxxy

If you want to take the moral highground with this that's your call, but personally I wouldn't throw away what could be a really good thing based on something she did before you even went on a date.

Sure, you mightn't have expected this of her, but then she mightn't expect you to be so judgmental. Just because you haven't seen anyone else in the two months you've been texting (what's that all about, you only asked her out on Monday) doesn't mean she has to do the same, you said so yourself.

If you were a mate of mine the advice I would give you is to go on the date. If you click and everything goes well, then have the "exclusive" conversation. Tell her you really, really like her, want to continue dating but wouldn't be comfortable with either of you seeing anyone else.

Just because she had a ONS during the week doesn't mean she's going to cheat on you man.

up for anything

You sound like a whiny toddler because someone else got a lick of your ice cream before you did.

If you like the girl, give her a chance. If what she did put you off, then forget it but stop dissecting and navel gazing. If you can fill a thread like this before you are even going out, what on earth would you be like if you broke up after two weeks. I dread to think.

OT: since when has AH turned into PI?

SamSamSammy

ok, thanks.

johndaman66

professore wrote: »

Are you sure the "friend of a friend" is telling the truth ? That's a big question.

That is the question. Stories you hear that came from a friend of a friend are all well and good but quite often bits get added on or dropped etc along the way.

professore wrote: »

Go on the date and ask her out straight.

Don't do that I reckon. Tis one sure way the date will end in disaster I'd imagine.

SamSamSammy don't take it the wrong way but think your being way too overly sensitive. Don't think your going to last long with your average Irish girl in the 2010 era with that sort of outlook to be honest. I appreciate you seem to have a real soft spot for her and probably like myself are pretty soft hearted which is very admirable in one sense. But it doesn't always work both ways unfortunately. You may need to get used to women messing you around and doing the dirty if you are to stand a chance in the often ugly world that is relationships.

Anyone

Go on the date, make sure to act random, seems she likes that.

SamSamSammy

i agree john! like i said just because i wouldn't do it doesn't mean she won't, suppose its just a little disappointment in someone you held in such high regard......

i'll go out with her anyway and see what happens.

Jaxxy

up for anything wrote: »

You sound like a whiny toddler because someone else got a lick of your ice cream before you did.

What a great saying, so borrowing that.

johndaman66 wrote: »

That is the question. Stories you hear that came from a friend of a friend are all well and good but quite often bits get added on or dropped etc along the way.

That's something worth keeping in mind too, OP. You don't know the exact details so try to keep an open mind in the meantime.

johndaman66 wrote: »

SamSamSammy don't take it the wrong way but think your being way too overly sensitive. Don't think your going to last long with your average I rish girl in the 2010 era with that sort of outlook to be honest. I appreciate you seem to have a real soft spot for her and probably like myself are pretty soft hearted which is very admirable in one sense. But it doesn't always work both ways unfortunately. You may need to get used to women messing you around and doing the dirty if you are to dtand a chance in the often ugly world that is relationships.

Wouldn't agree with that though, someone who has a one night stand =/= someone who will be unfaithful in a committed relationship.


Best of luck anyway OP. If you like this girl then go on the date. Try not to judge her and try not to let this information taint what could be a great night out. That wouldn't be fair on either of you.

Cheap Thrills!

This is hilarious!

Wahh wahh!!

ah no lol

OP a ONS is just like a **** except with some person you'll never see again. Stop overthinking it. She used a condom so no harm done, at least you know she practices safe sex!

She wasn't going out with you so stop being a baby and get on wirrit!

The_Illuminator

I can see where you're coming from. If it were me, I'd be annoyed too. If it annoys you, it may be a bad basis for a relationship. I also disagree that it'd be better if you didn't know. How would you feel if it came out after you'd been going out for a few months?

My advice would be to to ask yourself, would you expect her to be pissed off if things were the other way around? If you'd committed to a date and then slept around?

If you're not the type of guy who does the whole one night stand thing, which despite popular belief is possible, then you're expecting different things from one another. Plenty of people aren't into one night stands, and although most of us have had them, many consider them drunken mistakes and try to avoid them.

rebel10

Sometimes i just can't believe some men.:(

She did nothing wrong here. You have the problem. You placed her on a pedestal and unfortunately she hasn't lived up to your expectations.

I'm sorry, but you are never going to find a girl that won't disappoint you in some way or another. She did nothing wrong, she wasn't dating you, she had only accepted. This may have been her first time sleeping with a randomer. You cannot judge her on this, but judge yourself, and seriously consider asking a nun out next time if her having sex while not going out with you bothers you.

The last line of your original post really bothered me, the one where you said "and i thought girls were nice." That actually really annoyed me. She can be the nicest girl in the world but she is still allowed to have sex with whoever she chooses, it doesn't make her any less "nice". This really has to stop. Women here being viewed as sluts cause they like sex, you wouldn't find this in most countries of the world. Irish men, please, please move with the times.:mad:

SamSamSammy

My advice would be to to ask yourself, would you expect her to be pissed off if things were the other way around? If you'd committed to a date and then slept around?

i think she definitely would be. i can't really explain the "connection" we had......we were very close without actually dating, because of different countries naturally. but again, i understand i don't own her she can do what she pleases.

i was just a little shocked to find out obviously. i'm probably being soft and i accept that but its the way i felt for her. can't change the way you feel!!

recyclops

Friend of a friend is obviously a saboteur, ya need to contact them and ask then what there beef is and why they bad talking about your dream women.
She will hear of this and love you more best advice you will get kid.

easyeason3

SamSamSammy wrote: »

i think she definitely would be. i can't really explain the "connection" we had......we were very close without actually dating, because of different countries naturally. but again, i understand i don't own her she can do what she pleases.

i was just a little shocked to find out obviously. i'm probably being soft and i accept that but its the way i felt for her. can't change the way you feel!!

You're not Nigerian & planning on proposing marriage to her by any chance?

SamSamSammy

i'm not asking her about it - quite obviously. whats done is done.

i'm surprised by the reaction of some women here, maybe i'm living in the past and expect too high standards from girls!

i'll go out with her but tbh the special feeling forwards her has gone.

Jaxxy

SamSamSammy wrote: »

i'm not asking her about it - quite obviously. whats done is done.

i'm surprised by the reaction of some women here, maybe i'm living in the past and expect too high standards from girls!

i'll go out with her but tbh the special feeling forwards her has gone.

Why are you surprised by the reaction? She really didn't do anything wrong. You two weren't dating. She's free to do whatever she pleases, with whomever she chooses. It's got nothing to do with standards. It's your unrealistic expectation that's been shattered.

This isn't her problem Sam, it's yours.