My girlfriend is using dating sites...

LegacyUser

I was checking the history on firefox the other day to find a site I visited before and found three separate dating sites, including page titles like "Congratulations for subscribing bla bla bla" and a few ones like "MrX is flirting with you!" and "Mr.Z has returned recieved your flirt!" and other inbox titles that I didn't like. I couldnt actually get access to the pages. These date back about two months.

How should I approach her about it? I know she's not physically cheating on me... we're together pretty much all the time, plus I don't want to cause a big fuss as her birthday is next week and we have a great night planned with friends and family etc.

What should I do? I do want to confront her about it but don't want to ruin the birthday.

Thanks

How are your social lives out of interest? Do you guys find time to get out much? What kind of circle of friends do you have? How close are your closest friends? Do you have much "me" time where you get to do things that do not involve each other?

I only ask because many people I hear who are in your situation turn out to discover that their partner is not looking to replace them or cheat on them, but is using social sites like that to find more friends, not more sexual partners.

Try not mentioning the sites you found in your history, but try instead sometime bringing up a conversation about whether she is happy you guys spend so much time together and is she happy with the friends she has and the way she spends her personal time.

Even if you had not found the sites in your web history this is the kind of conversation that is healthy to have with your partner anyway, even at the best of times.

Jenneke87

Tell her exactly what you are writing down here. That you checked the internet history and came across these dating sites to which she subscribed and ask her in a calm manner what's all that suppose to mean. Depending on the answer its up to yourself what you wanna do afterwards.

It's very noble that you don't want to ruin her birthday but I think you're entitled to some answers and i don't think waiting is going to make you feel any better. Besides, if she reall is cheating do you really want to go through the "birthday facade", sitting there as if nothing happend? Better to get it over with straightaway....

LegacyUser

Hi I just managed to get into one of the pages, she left it logged in. Checked her profile it says she's looking for a guy between 30 and 50.

taxAHvruel if she wanted friends she'd join facebook or myspace or something, she's not on facebook though, and anyways she has some really nice friends already. She is on a "DATING" site, guys will see her and think of dates & sex, not about being just friends.

We have a pretty good social life, we do find time to go out, but I also do get some "me" time when I can just hang out with my mates.

So confronting her now before the birthday would be best?

Oryx

OP, what is your relationship like? Does she ever seem lonely? It could be that she has no intention of cheating, but wants some kind of attention, and instead of talking to you about her needs, she is seeking it this way.

In any case, whether she is seeking to cheat or not, it points to something wrong in her life. You need to talk to her about that.

Darlughda

Deleted User wrote: »

I only ask because many people I hear who are in your situation turn out to discover that their partner is not looking to replace them or cheat on them, but is using social sites like that to find more friends, not more sexual partners.

Nah, don't buy that for one second. There are plenty more ways like the meet up groups to expand your group of friends. Maybe, amongst a certain age group, it becomes more social, but the purpose and intent of those sites are dating.

What is with people who are already in relationships and sign up to those sites pretending to be single? Is it because they can convince themselves its a harmless way to get a bit of attention without 'cheating'?

Well, its very noble of you not wanting to make a fuss, OP. But I know what I would do if I caught that on the browser history.

• Find out the name of the site and what her user name is
• Sign up to the site and create a profile for yourself
• Check out her profile and send her a message, ask her if she is single

When she has taken the bait and responded to your false profile, then confront her with the fact that you found these sites on the browser history. Don't tell her yet that you set up the false profile. Give her a chance to come clean with the why's etc. If she is still lying to you at least you will no for sure, without any niggling doubts.

I'm not keen on deception, but I think this is one of the rare times where you need to make sure for yourself.

LegacyUser

darlughda that sounds like a good idea, will get on it asap

seenitall

Your g/f is taking you for a mug.

When in a relationship, it is utterly disrespectful and deceitful to one's OH to register with a dating site. Go to facebook for "finding friends".

Do what you like with the information, but it really is as simple as that.

Colonel_McCoy

OP,

ONE of her many profiles says " she's looking for a guy between 30 and 50." The intent is there, what else do you need to see, her being caught in the act!!?!?
if she wanted to make friends she would be on facebook etc not on a dating site!

Confront her now and tell her about the internet history! Don't worry about ruining her birthday, she is the one on dating sites! Appalling behavior when she is in a relationship!

You do not have to buy it in order for it to be True.

Check these sites yourself, when you sign up to them there is usually a “What are you looking for” field where you fill in things like “Romance / Dating / Hookups / Friendship” and so on. People DO use those sites for finding people for other purposes other than sexual partners. Just because it is called a "Dating" site does not mean it is limited to being just that.

I am, of course, not saying this is what this girl is doing. When people come on to a forum like this asking for advice what they often need is a different perspective and I endeavour to give them that the best I can. That she might be on such a site looking for friends or something innocent, rather than sexual partners, is one such perspective and it commonly is the explanation in many of these situations.

I have worked with a lot of people in this situation and I know that often this does turn out to be the explanation. Another explanation I often hear is that the person who signed up to the sites was actually doing it on behalf of someone else, either with or without the knowledge of that someone else, in order to set them up with someone or on Blind Dates. Not a good idea I grant you, but people do do it.

OP I really do not think 2 wrongs make a right and the idea of signing up and pretending to be someone you are not in the hopes of deceiving/tricking her is a perfect example of 2 wrongs here. Compounding suspicion with further trickery and deviousness is not the answer.

She is your partner and communication is one of the corner stones of such a partnership. If you have not got good communication in a relationship then at best the relationship will be successful but rocky and difficult, and at worst it will be an eventual disaster.

What you need to do is talk to her and ask her what is going on and trust her responses. I would do this sooner rather than later and not worry about her Birthday. Either a) she is looking to cheat on your in which case she does not deserve you being so considerate towards her birthday feelings or b) this is a mountain built from a molehill and there is no reason you should be sitting there on her birthday feeling miserable, jealous, suspicious and worse and you deserve to have your fears addressed sooner rather than later.

But I reiterate, deviousness, trickery, lying and trap baiting are not the answer here. Especially if it turns out the explanation here is simple and innocent… then the only “bad guy” in this story will be you. What if it turns out she has done nothing wrong but somehow finds out about your deceptions? How will she feel?

Oryx

I kind of inferred this in my post above, but she may not be on these sites to physically cheat. She could be using them as an ego boost. Why else do you hear of guys on these sites complaining of girls who chat all day online but never want to meet? Because thats a common usage of the sites. To fantasy flirt.

seenitall

taxAHcruel, I value the sentiment of trying to give someone the benefit of the doubt, but imv that's just really stretching it. Considering the circumstances, they are just not very likely explanations. If she is logged on on behalf of someone else, why hasn't she described that "someone else" in her profile, instead of herself? And why keep it secret from the b/f she spends almost every waking hour with? The "finding friends" aspect of it I have already addressed.

I know that I would be absolutely livid if I found evidence of something like this with a b/f as I do think it is a betrayal of trust without a doubt, so whether it is technically cheating or not... meh. The damage to the trust has already been done. And relationship without trust is just a hollow sham of the real thing.

We do not know the circumstances. At all. We simply know what little we have been told so far. As such it is always better not to jump to conclusions based on what you think you know, but to put out there all the possible explanations you can think of so that the person looking for advice might be given a perspective they may not yet have thought of.

It is the same on 99% of threads on this forum. From the smallest amount of information too many people are convinced they know what the problem definitely is and what the solution simply has to be. This can often cause more harm than good.

Realising you do not know the full story, no matter how much the OP may tell us, is the first step in giving good advice on a forum like this. Endeavouring to give the OPs perspectives that may differ from their own is the second.

I am not saying that this girl is not out to cheat on the OP. Maybe she is, and I admit it does not look good from what little we know here. This however does not mean this is what is going on and it is worth pointing this out.

Most of all however, 2 wrongs do not make it out and I think the suggestion that the OP should go undercover, deceive and bait his OH, trick her, lie to her and trap her is simply the worst course of action I can think of at this time.

I also stand by what I said about communication. Communication is the hardest, but most important think to achieve in any relationship especially a loving one. For one of the most important things that can possible exist between two people it is alas one of the hardest to achieve and maintain. This is the OPs chance to attain it. Something is amiss here and communication open and honest is the way to go to resolve it.

Deception and cloaks and daggers is not. Even if he finds out she is 100% innocent, having engaged in such deception himself a little part of their relationship will have died, shrivelled up and turned black. I am genuinely concerned for the damage that such a course of action could cause in a situation that... potentially... could actually be a lot more innocent that it first appears.

For us as observers however the onus is to realise we do not have all the information, even if the OP wrote us a short novel about it. We never will. Only he and his OH do. Jumping to conclusions rather than exploring possibilities is the worst thing we, as well meaning as we are, can do in and thread on a forum such as this and it is a fact worth learning and applying to every post you write.

LegacyUser

She's not on it to find friends she's listed as single.

dan_d

Why don't you just ask her?

Print your history, show it to her, and tell her what you've seen?

Just talk to her. Why complicate things? Keep it simple. We can tell you she might be looking for a friend, she might be looking for love, she might be lonely - whatever. Why can't you just ask her, straight out? Don't confront...ask.

You want to know, it's your relationship. Just ask.

Darlughda

TaxAHcruel, I am well familiar with these sites.

Oh yeah, there is an option of looking for 'friendship'. Ha!
You have no idea how many married/attached people with kids etc, are looking for 'friendship'.
Next thing, they are wanting to get into sex chat, exchange numbers for sexting, and get you to look at them masturbating on web cam.

OP, I am not suggest that your partner is anyway as extreme as that, but this secret signing up to the online dating sites is sneaky deception to start with, so once you see her profile with your own eyes, then you will have some idea of what she is up to.

LegacyUser

If she is listed as single, her profile says she's looking for an honest man etc etc between 30 and 50... people here still think she's looking for friends? Why isn't she looking for nice outgoing girls to go hang out with who like similar hobbies etc?

I've messaged her with my fake account anyways, we'll see what happens.

Quality

Ah I am sure she is only having a laugh!! I am in a very happy relationship and signed up to pof a few weeks ago!!

Put down a profile that would shame A prostitute and have been laughing at some of the replies I have gotten!

For me' it was a laugh and something to do when bored!! I have no intention of meeting or starting a relationship with anyone!

I am sure she is just getting a giggle out of it

Darlughda

Darlughda wrote: »

You have no idea how many married/attached people with kids etc, are looking for 'friendship'.

In fact I do have a very good idea of this, and I am well aware that many of them are in fact being deceptive and are seeking sordid things. You are 100% right in this.

What we can not do with this fact, and you are right it is a fact, is extrapolate the opinion that everyone who clicks the friendship option falls into the sordid category you describe.

Remember “Some people use X because they want Y” is not the same as saying “People who use X want Y”. We are in danger of jumping to conclusions based on personal experience and anecdote and even if you are right 90% of the time by doing so, you are going to mess it up 10% of the time too.

While what you are saying will turn out... statistically... to be right more often than not, I think we own the OP more here than playing the odds.

It seems from his post above however that he has decided to go with the deception route. This pains me but so be it. I wish him well and hope whatever resolution and result this leads to is a good one... and the one they deserve... for everyone concerned.

seenitall

Deleted User wrote: »

We do not know the circumstances. At all. We simply know what little we have been told so far. As such it is always better not to jump to conclusions based on what you think you know, but to put out there all the possible explanations you can think of so that the person looking for advice might be given a perspective they may not yet have thought of.

It is the same on 99% of threads on this forum. From the smallest amount of information too many people are convinced they know what the problem definitely is and what the solution simply has to be. This can often cause more harm than good.

Realising you do not know the full story, no matter how much the OP may tell us, is the first step in giving good advice on a forum like this. Endeavouring to give the OPs perspectives that may differ from their own is the second.

No, this is not the way I see it at all. It goes without saying that we don't know the whole story behind anything, so thank you for pointing out the obvious. This thread is for people to seek another perspective to theirs, and advice based on our own experiences and views, which all of us are doing, yourself included. "Endeavouring to give the OPs perspectives that may differ from their own" - why would I want to necesserily do that? What about the cases where I completely agree with the OP's way of reading a situation? (I very often don't, actually, but that's beside the point.)

I really don't think that I was crossing any ethical boundaries ("causing more harm than good" :rolleyes:) by suggesting that your explanations to what has been going on are far-fetched and implausible. As to jumping to any conclusions... no I don't think I did that either. The girl is registered on the dating website, with her own profile, looking for guys aged 30-50, this is a fact not an assumption, and I have given advice accordingly. Sorry if I stepped on your (virtual) toes in the process, that certainly wasn't my intention!

StillWaters

At the very least she has registered on a dating site, lo9king for interaction/flirting with single men. At the worst, she is looking to line up someone for an exit strategy.

Dealbreaker for me in both cases. Why on earth do you feel you owe her the courtesy of not confronting her nefore her birthday when she has treated you with such a lack of respect.

seenitall

seenitall wrote: »

thank you for pointing out the obvious.

I am sorry but phrases like this indicate that conversation has descended past a level where it is going to be helpful to anyone. I see no sense in pursuing it further. The OP is clear on what your advice is and what my advice is. We can leave it there and be adult about it.

dateingsites

dateingsites wrote: »

I've messaged her with my fake account anyways, we'll see what happens.

I am sorry to hear you have chosen deception as the way forward but I wish you well and hope it works out. Thank you also for keeping us updated. Too often people take the advice and leave and we never hear from them again Please keep us informed as to how it all pans out.

seenitall

Deleted User wrote: »

I am sorry but phrases like this indicate that conversation has descended past a level where it is going to be helpful to anyone. I see no sense in pursuing it further. The OP is clear on what your advice is and what my advice is. We can leave it there and be adult about it.

Yes, sorry about that, it was a rather obvious thing to point out (ironically!) - not helpful at all. Thank you.

itsadeathtrap

She is looking for a sugar daddy.

30-50 is a pretty big age gap. the intent is there lad and you need to man up im afraid. confront her and let her try explain it. dont be sneaky, come straight out with it.

If she is interested is hooking up behind your back, time to say adios.

If this was the other way around I really dont think people would be posting saying your lonely and what is your social life like!!!! Man on dating sites = cheating, why would a girl be any different???

bite the bullet and see what happens.

Best of luck.

IrishEyes19

Is it possible she was on this before you got together and she never closed the site down, Im pretty sure people can still send messages regardless of whether she was on it or not at the time.

Darlughda

IrishEyes19 wrote: »

Is it possible she was on this before you got together and she never closed the site down, Im pretty sure people can still send messages regardless of whether she was on it or not at the time.

If you read the opening post you will see that she got the 'Welcome for subscribing to.....' messages.

Anyway, who keeps their dating site profiles open well into a relationship, with constant emails saying ...So and so has sent you an email?

LegacyUser

IrishEyes19 wrote: »

Is it possible she was on this before you got together and she never closed the site down, Im pretty sure people can still send messages regardless of whether she was on it or not at the time.

Nope the profile that she forgot to logout of was started when we were together.

And for people who say I'm deceptive, eye for an eye, she's been deceiving me for a while now. Don't think I'll tell her about my account though.

IrishEyes19

Darlughda wrote: »

If you read the opening post you will see that she got the 'Welcome for subscribing to.....' messages.

Anyway, who keeps their dating site profiles open well into a relationship, with constant emails saying ...So and so has sent you an email?

Woah, appologies! :rolleyes: I did read the opening post, just obviously not close enough :rolleyes:

@OP, I normally dont agree with games, but the fake profile thing seems to be a good idea, she's messing you around, two wrong dont make a right, but this should give you some idea.

LighterGuy

Op,
I've been in this situaition before as you currently are in right now. Its a major red flag.. believe me.
I've had time to look back, disect it, and realise what is actually at play when a parter is on such a site. Its actually happened to me twice. So I of all people know alot about this.

Bascially, the person who does this is not in a relationship. Its just using you. Stringing you along. There is no future with this person. They will either cheat on you or dump you when someone else comes along (Of course, only after a few dates has happened behind your back)

See doing all this "fake profile" - its just to cement what you already know. I also did the fake profile before. You already have your answer by her being on it and saying she is single. She is a user. Break up with her now because if you continue she will eventually break up with you when she has something else going.

Ickle Magoo

Deleted User wrote: »

Too often people take the advice and leave and we never hear from them again Please keep us informed as to how it all pans out.

That is because OP's are in no way expected to keep posters abreast of the outcome to their issues nor let us know what, if any, advice was taken...and this OP is no different.

Ickle

boarddotie

Hi OP,
I wouldnt confront the GF until you have got a message back from her with somehting concrete that shows she is interested in being unfaithful for sure. Take your time with the messages (dont go for the jugular at the start) as most gals on these sites shut down contact if the messages are too pushy etc. Best of luck though!

On a side note, it would be nice if OPs did come back and let us know how things panned out for them. (1) because it can help other people who may also be in a similar situation and (2) some posters invest so much time in giving long, detailed answers its nice to see what the OP did in the end!

But lets face it, in general the floaters (like myself) who always read and less often post are always dying for an update. Out of nothing but nosiness!

mood

StillWaters wrote: »

At the very least she has registered on a dating site, lo9king for interaction/flirting with single men. At the worst, she is looking to line up someone for an exit strategy.

Dealbreaker for me in both cases. Why on earth do you feel you owe her the courtesy of not confronting her nefore her birthday when she has treated you with such a lack of respect.

I agree 100%. I would run for the hills if I were you.

inmyday

2 thoughts on this!


1. To all the people that say, she may be just looking for friends, if that was true, why wouldnt she tell her b/f, why wouldnt she be open and tell him she wants more friends.
Instead she is being sneaky, going onto a dating site, says shes single, looking for a man. You should dump her asap, find a decent girlfriend. I dont think the fake profile thingy is helping the situation. It will be funny be catch her in the act, but seriously its just going to make things harder. Confront her, calmly sit down with her, and open the web history.

2. But also, I dont know anything about your relationship, maybe you are close, maybe in love, maybe very happy. I dont know...
So the only thing I can think of....
She has a single female friend, and your gf and her friend set up this profile so the friend could try out the online dating scene.
It could be someone else, but just used your PC. If ya know what I mean? Maybe her friend hasnt got the internet at home, and they were having a girly night blah blah blah, glasses of wine "o lets try out the dating scene, that will be fun hehe".

The second makes sense to me, because if she was so sneaky and trying to go off with other men, how could she be so stupid and not delete the web history.

Ickle Magoo

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

That is because OP's are in no way expected to keep posters abreast of the outcome to their issues

Nor do I remember suggesting they are!

I simply wish to express my gratitude to the poster in question for keeping us abreast. Mostly people do not and although they are not obliged to, it does mean a lot to the rest of us when they do.

LegacyUser

There have been a few suggestions here that my girlfriend may actually be setting up the profile for her friend who doesn't have internet or whatever, that's ridiculous! Why would anyone do that for their friend unless the friend is in a wheelchair with no arms or eyes. Why isn't her friends info on the site so? It's all my girlfriends info, even the photo.

And yes we are in love or at least I thought we were. We live together, I'm thinking of moving out already, fcuk it. But I do have to confront her first, just need the guts, I bought her a nice birthday present.

inmyday

dateing site wrote: »

There have been a few suggestions here that my girlfriend may actually be setting up the profile for her friend who doesn't have internet or whatever, that's ridiculous! Why would anyone do that for their friend unless the friend is in a wheelchair with no arms or eyes. Why isn't her friends info on the site so? It's all my girlfriends info, even the photo.

And yes we are in love or at least I thought we were. We live together, I'm thinking of moving out already, fcuk it. But I do have to confront her first, just need the guts, I bought her a nice birthday present.

Sorry that was my suggestion, I didnt realise the profile had a picture of her cause you didnt tell us that part, so I dont know why youre going mad at me for, it was only a suggestion. Its not ridiculous idea in anyway, dating sites are good crack, so it would be common for friends to go on it together.

Anyway. the REALLY ridiculous thing is that you should have lost the head at her by now, how can you live with this?
Get the guts, And return the birthday present, Fcuk the pressie. Ask her to explain!!!

mercer

dating sites aren't a laugh when your in a relationship with someone and you're hurting that person by using a dating site.

forget about the birthday and the present. ask her whats going on and put your mind at ease. its not good for you to go through this alone and not knowing where you stand.

dateing site

dateing site wrote: »

that's ridiculous!

Then you have made up your mind already as to what is going on. You may be right.... and actually statistically I think more than likely you are right but life is not roulette...... but.....

dateing site wrote: »

But I do have to confront her

no you do not have to "confront" her. You have to "talk" to her.

If you think of it like a final confrontation then you are playing with your xbox and you are up against the final boss and already you know what has to happen.... the boss has to die.

Life is not xbox. This is a conversation that you as an adult have to have with your partner who is also an adult. The result of this conversation may be that you decide your relationship is no longer viable.... or it is not for you.... or she having listened to you may realise it is not for her....

.... what this is not is a battle... some epic fight where someone has to die and someone has to come out unscathed after the hero goes up and "confronts" the dark evil lord.

Talk to her dude. Shes your partner, the closest person in the world to you... not your enemy.

TripleAce

Dump her on her birthday. Then send link of her profile to her father (if he has an email address) - that would be fun.

mood

TripleAce wrote: »

Dump her on her birthday. Then send link of her profile to her father (if he has an email address) - that would be fun.

What has her father to do with anything! It's between the OP and the girl.

LegacyUser

Deleted User wrote: »

If you think of it like a final confrontation then you are playing with your xbox and you are up against the final boss and already you know what has to happen.... the boss has to die.

Life is not xbox.

.... this is not is a battle... some epic fight where someone has to die and someone has to come out unscathed after the hero goes up and "confronts" the dark evil lord.

Sorry but what the hell are you on about, you are talking absolute bullsh!t.... do you think I'm 14 or something?

I see you posted that in the middle of the night, I'm guessing you were drunk or stoned as fcukk and thought you were cool and/or funny.

I "confronted" her anyways (no I didn't kill her with a sword on top of a mountain Xbox adventure game style) she said it was an old account, opened in 2008 when we didn't know eachother, she proved it with old emails etc. That may be fair enough, she just forgot about it and didn't unsubscribe and whatever, BUT she did update her profile photo about a month ago, and the photo was taken when we were dating, as I have it on my laptop and it was taken with my camera and the Exif data (basically the cameras fingerprint) never lies.

She said her friend did it, her friend also has the password to the site and just uploaded the photo for the laugh. I dunno what to do, I want to leave and take a break for a while, a mate of mine has a room to rent in his house I think I really feel like I want to move out for a while.

By the way I'm using boards because I'm too embarrassed to talk to my friends about it, don't make stupid fcuking jokes about Xbox again.

inmyday

date site wrote: »

Sorry but what the hell are you on about, you are talking absolute bullsh!t.... do you think I'm 14 or something?

I see you posted that in the middle of the night, I'm guessing you were drunk or stoned as fcukk and thought you were cool and/or funny.

I "confronted" her anyways (no I didn't kill her with a sword on top of a mountain Xbox adventure game style) she said it was an old account, opened in 2008 when we didn't know eachother, she proved it with old emails etc. That may be fair enough, she just forgot about it and didn't unsubscribe and whatever, BUT she did update her profile photo about a month ago, and the photo was taken when we were dating, as I have it on my laptop and it was taken with my camera and the Exif data (basically the cameras fingerprint) never lies.

She said her friend did it, her friend also has the password to the site and just uploaded the photo for the laugh. I dunno what to do, I want to leave and take a break for a while, a mate of mine has a room to rent in his house I think I really feel like I want to move out for a while.

By the way I'm using boards because I'm too embarrassed to talk to my friends about it, don't make stupid fcuking jokes about Xbox again.

Would you stop going mad at people on this, even though his post might have not made much sense to you, just ingore it. You have a bad attitude (maybe your gf is right to look elsewhere)!
I couldnt give a fudge about this problem anymore, its not rocket science, I think you know what to do.

Nevyn

Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

LighterGuy

Op,
Your part responding to TaxAHcruel was quite funny I have to admit

But anyways back to your problem....
You got hit with lies mate. Even a blind man could see that one. I was talking to my bro about this thread oddly enough the other day. We both said "If that guy just confronts her she'll give him to cliche old profile or a mate did it" - :rolleyes: Looks like we were right. Personally I didnt think you'd get hit with both excuses :rolleyes:

Mate, no one is going to come out and say "yeah I did it" - you know people. you know yourself. Dont be a sucker. Op the relationship is over. By being on those dating sites means shes up for getting another bloke. Im sorry to say that but its true.
So what do you think will happen? ... She'll either: (1, Stop using dating sites for a while and will rejoin down the line but this time keeping profiles on private (2, She'll meet another bloke in the real world. (Number 2 is what I see most likely to happen)

To sum up what has happened to you in one sentence would be... You found out that she is willing to cheat or dump your ass out of no-where without that happening yet (Think about that)

Sleepy

OP - many, many women won't leave a relationship until they have another lined up. Quite possible your OH is one of those.

The friend accessing the site is total BS and you know it.

To continue your xbox analogies, it's game over tbh.

seenitall

Sleepy wrote: »

OP - many, many women won't leave a relationship until they have another lined up.

Absolutely. Many, many men do it too. These folks are sometimes referred to as "monkey people" (learned it here!).

LegacyUser

Ok guys, guess this is wrapped up, thanks for the advice.

ohYeh

I think your better out of this relationship, Your the right man (at the moment) for her but she is on a dating site thats not the actions of a woman who is happy in a relationship.

LighterGuy

date site wrote: »

Ok guys, guess this is wrapped up, thanks for the advice.

Just do what best for you op.
Dont be a sucker. I have. I learned. Common sense always wins.

date site

date site wrote: »

By the way I'm using boards because I'm too embarrassed to talk to my friends about it, don't make stupid fcuking jokes about Xbox again.

It is called analogy, where you take something unrelated and reveal something about the original subject by showing a similarity in the new subject.

What I am trying to say is that when you talk with someone about an emotive topic such as this that you should not go in all guns blazing. The word “confrontation” you used suggested that is what you are doing… going in automatically assuming she has done something wrong and is guilty and she has to be taken down because of it.

What I meant by my post is that one must talk openly, not go in looking for a fight. If you go in to a discussion already decided as to how it is going to go or the answers you are going to get then you risk not listening to the truth when it is given to you and this causes more harm than the original problem.

People here simply want to give advice, it is the purpose of the forum for some to seek it and some to get it. I am sorry to see advice being thrown back in the face of the giver, let alone having it done so with the kind of language used above. I hope it does not dissuade people from giving advice on this forum in the future. It is a good forum and aggression like that above does not take away from that fact.

If you need our advice in future then we will happily give it. If you do not like it, or how it is phrased, simply ignore it and don't take it. The fact advice comes in many forums, and phrased and illustrated many different ways is the strength of a forum such as this. People explain their points in different ways, even if they are making the same point, and that is a good thing, not a bad thing.