How to rehabilitate a texter

I am a friend

Hi Ladies,

Anyone have experience of a guy who texts frequently to check in (min 2 times per day) but doesnt pick up the phone (he is mid 30's).

Its turning me off him (have met 4 times) and its definitely not shyness. I also know for sure that he is not going out with anyone...

I guess it makes me think he is not that pushed but then I also know that I facilitated this as we texted for a couple of months before meeting again (distance issues).

How do I approach this or from experience is it just a sign that he is not that pushed?

Raze_them_all

maybe he just hates phonecalls. Alot of guys( me included) hate them. My phonecalls generally last for 30 seconds tops.

Misticles

I'm a woman and I hate calls.

Much rather text.

Maybe he's neither a caller or a texter.
They exist :eek:

krudler

I hate talking on the phone as well ( I do it for 8hrs a day at work, not going to do it on my spare time!) so I'm a texter, send about 400+ texts a month but my phonecalls amount to about 30 mins or even less, usually its quick calls like arranging to meet someone or asking my flatmate if we need milk or something. In fairness 2 texts a day is nothing.

I am a friend

He initiates the texts twice a day minimum. I know this sounds bad but I know he will so I dont need to... We then have a bit of banter over and back but I dont feel like I am getting to know him any better. I dont like talking on the phone but as we dont (at the moment) live close to each other and only meet once a week, its the only way of getting to know him and seeing if I want to see him again.

Guys, I know this is not a big deal and for this reason, didnt post it in PI. Its just opinion, views and experiences I am interested in.

Misticles

does either of you have msn or skype?

That could be a better outlet if neither of you are full blown phone people.

IMO, that would annoy me and that would be him done.

Like if he cant hold a proper conversation with you- do you really want to see him again?

colc1

Raze_them_all wrote: »

maybe he just hates phonecalls. Alot of guys( me included) hate them. My phonecalls generally last for 30 seconds tops.

I'm not far off his age...unfortunately and phone calls wreck my head in general even from my best friends.... Its more the thought of the phone call rather than when I actually answer it tho too...

Teferi

Raze_them_all wrote: »

maybe he just hates phonecalls. Alot of guys( me included) hate them. My phonecalls generally last for 30 seconds tops.

Yeah, I'd imagine it is probably this. I'm particularly crap on the phone, prefer to text myself. I sound like a mong on the phone so I try not to call anyone.

Maple

Focking hate text conversations. Texts are grand for something quick like i'm running late or only seeing your call now and will call you in morning. Anything longer and i'll just pick up the phone.

Phone conversations don't have to last for hours, they can really only be 2-3 minutes long but it's nice to hear the other person on the other end of the phone and hear the emotions being expressed properly rather than through bloody emoticons.

Nothing beats a face to face conversation but at least it's still a connection of sorts.

leeroybrown

As a guy I'm not a huge fan of phone calls myself. Such a large percentage of communication is non-verbal. I've friends that I could talk to for hours in person but I wouldn't spend more than a couple of minutes on the phone unless I had something I really wanted to talk about.

Not sure how you'd "rehabilitate" me or him tho...

skywards

Misticles wrote: »

I'm a woman and I hate calls.

Much rather text.

Maybe he's neither a caller or a texter.
They exist :eek:

I hate phone calls too, to the point I've told people my phone doesn't work so they'd stop *&^%* calling me .

'I am a friend', maybe he's a weirdo like me and just really, really, really hates calling people. Or talking on the phone. Or phones in general. /endirrationalhatred

krudler

Ah, thats a different case if you dont live near each other, mention it to him you like chatting on he phone to get to know him in a bit more personal way. Or like was suggested, msn or skype.

I am a friend

Ah yeah, I have been off the 'scene' for a long time so was just curious if it was a lack of interest thing... He will be living closer to me very soon so we will know more then i suppose.

krudler

I am a friend wrote: »

Ah yeah, I have been off the 'scene' for a long time so was just curious if it was a lack of interest thing... He will be living closer to me very soon so we will know more then i suppose.

its 2010, you dont get to know people in person anymore, you twitter, facebook, text, skype and msn them first, welcome to modern dating :pac:

-Corkie-

I hate texting so much. Any time the Missus gives me a text I just say k or x to everything. I dont like talking either during the day.

Acoshla

I thought I was the only person who hated phonecalls, what a relief! Unfortunately I have a lot of awkward phonecalls for work, sigh.

Myself and my boyfriend rarely talk on the phone, but text a lot, it's always been like that. It's free (or cheaper) and you can be much more flirty and fun on text messages than on calls.

LevelSpirit

How sad that people cant put the effort in to actually speak to each other anymore.

-Corkie-

LevelSpirit wrote: »

How sad that people cant put the effort in to actually speak to each other anymore.

We both get home at 6pm so we have plenty of time to talk then.:)

Acoshla

LevelSpirit wrote: »

How sad that people cant put the effort in to actually speak to each other anymore.

Well for some people - like me - phonecalls are just another stressful social situation which you can't prepare for and make me edgy. I prefer to speak to someone face to face where I can read the non verbal signals too or through text where I have time to formulate a reply. Even with people close to me I hate calls.

It might not always be because someone is sad enough not to put in the effort.

LevelSpirit

-Corkie- wrote: »

We both get home at 6pm so we have plenty of time to talk then.:)

I wasnt talking about you.
I was just thinking of something that happened a couple of weeks. I was to interview a girl for a position in the company. She didnt turn up.

The agent called later to re-schedule - said the girl said she let me know a few hours before. I said no, she didnt.

So the agent goes off and calls the girl. She says she texted me. Jesus, what a twat.

Not everyone is tied to their phones all day. A call would have let her know that it was ok with me, or that I wasnt contactable to contact someone else.

I also think that if you want to date someone, talk to them on the phone. How many times have I been shown a text by someone and asked "Do you think they meant it like that sounded"

I am a friend

Ok this is helping.. This guy has a job in which he does a lot of public speaking so I assumed it would be no hassle to him but maybe not...

krudler

I am a friend wrote: »

Ok this is helping.. This guy has a job in which he does a lot of public speaking so I assumed it would be no hassle to him but maybe not...

I work in a call centre, I spend all day every day on the phone, I hate talking on the phone when I finish work.

I am a friend

I talk all day at work as well but just find the texting 'unsatisfying' as such.... To me texting is for planning and quick chats but not to get to know someone...

nermal15

I always *hated* phone calls but I'm in a long distance relationship so I just got used to it! MSN and texts just aren't the same, it's a lot better to hear someone's tone of voice and that. I'd say just suggest that ye call each other sometime for a chat, see what he makes of it.

Ms. Chanandler Bong

When i first met my boyf, he lived 2 hrs away. The first few phonecalls were horrifically stilted & would last max 5 mins. The long-distance thing wasn't resolved for a looooonggg time (I eventually moved) but the phonecalls got much better. There were still the 5min versions but also the hour long versions & the "keep-me-company-while-I-walk-home-from-work/pub/whatever" calls & the "let's-watch-the-same-programme-so-we-can-compare-opinions" calls... BTW, this is pre-"everyone uses skype or msn" but post-"Mobiles are everywhere" days people
Being perfectly honest tho, this only happened because of the face-to-face conversations we had. We used to meet up once a month or so & the conversations always flowed then so the phonecalls evolved to match those.
wait a little longer & see what happens is my opinion. If he doesn't talk, full stop, about anything, show him the door. Or send him a text

Professey Chin

krudler wrote: »

I work in a call centre, I spend all day every day on the phone, I hate talking on the phone when I finish work.

This is what happened to me.Worked in a call centre only for about 10 months but ever since I despise talking on the phone.If I can avoid it I will!

LegacyUser

Just thought I'd throw this out there.

But any of you ladies ever get annoyed at lads when they are texting and their habits.

Just talking from recent experience of a guy I was seeing who texts first but then stops after maybe one or two texts even if you've asked a question, doesnt even say they are stopping and it cant be boredom because they then text again a day later and so on. Does my head in, lol. Is it normal? I mean I know some people aren't texters, myself included but I always take care to say "I have to run or talk to you later or something."

And its not an issue of "well ever hear of phoning and so on," its texting thats the pain, sometimes Im not in a position to phone and texting is much cheaper in this days economy anyway.

just a light hearted query here really!!!

dfx-

Misticles wrote: »

I'm a woman and I hate calls.

Much rather text.

Maybe he's neither a caller or a texter.
They exist :eek:

I can prove it..I am one.:eek:

Misticles

dfx- wrote: »

I can prove it..I am one.:eek:

How do you communicate :P
Pigeons, post?

I am an avid texter... I do calls the odd time but I can send up to 800 texts a week :rolleyes:

Colonel_McCoy

Why dont you ring him?

Misticles

I am a friend wrote: »

Hi Ladies,

Anyone have experience of a guy who texts frequently to check in (min 2 times per day) but doesnt pick up the phone (he is mid 30's).

Colonel_McCoy wrote: »

Why dont you ring him?

Guessing the op has tried this method

I-Shot-Jr

A lot of lads honestly wouldn't know what to say if a woman rang them. I'm one of them, I've never been good at phone conversations, I could converse for hours face to face but I just detest speaking on the phone to people and I rarely know what to say, unless I'm being asked a question I know the answer to its just going to be long silences. I wouldn't hold it against him.

Gary ITR

Raze_them_all wrote: »

maybe he just hates phonecalls. Alot of guys( me included) hate them. My phonecalls generally last for 30 seconds tops.

When you're paying €4/min 30 seconds is enough

parker kent

I-Shot-Jr wrote: »

A lot of lads honestly wouldn't know what to say if a woman rang them. I'm one of them, I've never been good at phone conversations, I could converse for hours face to face but I just detest speaking on the phone to people and I rarely know what to say, unless I'm being asked a question I know the answer to its just going to be long silences. I wouldn't hold it against him.

This is pretty common, I am really awkward on the phone and try to limit phone conversations as much as possible.

I'm also not a fan of always being available for a phone call, sometimes I just want to be left alone to watch TV, read etc. I much prefer face-to-face chats, but if that were out of the question I'd rather a text or at least a text asking if I was free for a chat on the phone or IM.

brainyneuron

Yup I'm one of those people who hates phonecalls, I'm just really akward and never know what to say. My best friend has recently moved over to the UK and instead of skype or calling each other we text and chat on gmail/facebook so it all works out ok. My sister is abroad at the mo and my parents talk to her via skype all the time, I just find it really akward and forced so I talk to her via emails.
OP the thing is, he is texting you which shows he's interested.

dfx-

Misticles wrote: »

How do you communicate :P
Pigeons, post?

Semaphore

Seriously - people know where to find me and I'm very hard to miss. As Stephen Fry put it, if you were standing beside someone and wanted to talk to them, you wouldn't barge in and demand to be spoken to immediately. Even my boss has stopped trying to ring me, he drops in instead :pac:

Wolfe Tone

Get him on MSN or something.

As a bloke I can say I hate making phone calls. I find it hard to talk to people if I cant see them(dunno if that makes sense)

I am a friend

Its all so complicated Wish I could go back to the days where you gave out your landline number and had to race to the phone before your Mother / Father / Brother / Sister got to it

sunshinyday

Rather than try to guess the solution on here, it might be best to ask the lad in question.
Nothing to be lost by asking if hes interested even. That way you can save on calls and texts if hes not, or else plough ahead and upgrade your phone package to more units if necessary.

I think people wonder too much rather than ask the questions where necessary.

pickarooney

He might just be doing something else such as watching a film or playing a game or eating or working which is incompatible with a phone call but can accommodate the occasional text.

I wouldn't be trying to rehabilitate someone I'd just met either.

metrovelvet

pickarooney wrote: »

He might just be doing something else such as watching a film or playing a game or eating or working which is incompatible with a phone call but can accommodate the occasional text.

I wouldn't be trying to rehabilitate someone I'd just met either.

I was going to say...'trying to change him already?"

I am a friend

metrovelvet wrote: »

I was going to say...'trying to change him already?"

I didnt post this in PI as this was the kind of response I would expect in there. I am not trying to change him but I find the texts 'unsatisfying' and was wondering how I could encourage more phone calls.... No need to jump on the non-existant bandwagon people.

metrovelvet

I am a friend wrote: »

I didnt post this in PI as this was the kind of response I would expect in there. I am not trying to change him but I find the texts 'unsatisfying' and was wondering how I could encourage more phone calls.... No need to jump on the non-existant bandwagon people.

If you want more phone calls then use the phone yourself. And dont answer the texts in text.

I am a friend

metrovelvet wrote: »

If you want more phone calls then use the phone yourself. And dont answer the texts in text.

Ah thanks so much.

I am a friend

All the thinking / writing about it must have worked.. He called the last 2 nights

Thanks all.