Male domestic violence storyline on "Fair City"

kangaroo

I'm not one for soap operas but occasionally when I turn on RTE's teletext I see a bit of what's on.

At the moment, there is a storyline involving emotional and physical abuse by a female character (Suzanne) on a male character (Damien). (I just looked around and read a few summaries of what has been happening and about to happen).

I don't know what people think about it and how it is being done. I just read there that AMEN, the support group for male victims of domestic violence, have had an increase in calls since the storyline started.

I say fair play to the Fair City team for covering this topic.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Yeah this may help the issue become normalised and stop people thinking it is something that doesn't happen.

It seems to me it is far easier for a woman to get away with it as she has the leverage of being favoured by the family courts if there's children in the relationship.

If it were happening to me I honestly don't think I'd risk losing my children(and therefore leaving them alone with a maniac) just to report her. Phyiscal abuse would seem the easy option there.

Otis Driftwood

I never watch soaps but it is good to hear that taboo subjects like this are been addressed.There is a huge stigma attached to female on male spousal abuse so heightening the awareness is good to see.

CathyMoran

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

Yeah this may help the issue become normalised and stop people thinking it is something that doesn't happen.

It seems to me it is far easier for a woman to get away with it as she has the leverage of being favoured by the family courts if there's children in the relationship.

If it were happening to me I honestly don't think I'd risk losing my children(and therefore leaving them alone with a maniac) just to report her. Phyiscal abuse would seem the easy option there.

What happens is the children are being physically abused as well? My daddy was hit by my mother but did not realise that my mother was hitting me too - he still refuses to accept it. I am not my mother, the only way that I am like her is that I look a bit like her. it is good that this issue is being highlighted. Amen are great.

kangaroo

I haven't watched it as I say so I'm not going to try to summarise it (if one searches for plot line summaries/previews one can get the jist) but here are some newspapers on it:

Short piece in Evening Herald (29/10/2010) http://www.herald.ie/entertainment/tv-radio/men-flood-helpline-over-fair-city-story-2399798.html

Plotline briefly mentioned in Irish Independent article
http://www.independent.ie/lifestyle/my-wife-physically-abused-me-for-20-years-2349415.html

Irish Daily Mirror piece (21/10/2010) on the story:
http://www.amen.ie/Papers/211010_calls_to_abuse_hotline_up_after_fair_city_plot.htm

Roisin Ingle Diary (only part of it - it's mainly about nagging/not nagging):
http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/magazine/2010/1002/1224279869162.html

Bottle_of_Smoke

CathyMoran wrote: »

What happens is the children are being physically abused as well? My daddy was hit by my mother but did not realise that my mother was hitting me too - he still refuses to accept it. I am not my mother, the only way that I am like her is that I look a bit like her. it is good that this issue is being highlighted. Amen are great.

If he left her over it she most likely would have gotten sole custody of you

kangaroo

Sorry to hear what happened to you, CathyMoran.

Gillo

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

If it were happening to me I honestly don't think I'd risk losing my children(and therefore leaving them alone with a maniac) just to report her. Phyiscal abuse would seem the easy option there.

Thats a very interesting point which unfortunately show's how unfair the justice systems is.

Kudo's to RTE for raising such a subject, I don't follow it but sometimes watch it if there's not a lot on it's actually being really well played out.

Ectoplasm

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

Yeah this may help the issue become normalised and stop people thinking it is something that doesn't happen.

It seems to me it is far easier for a woman to get away with it as she has the leverage of being favoured by the family courts if there's children in the relationship.

I don't think the only issue is about leverage in the family courts, although I do agree with you about bias in favour of the mother . I think that
the issue of shame, the secrecy surrounding abuse, the perception that it isn't 'manly' to admit that this is happening etc. is actually more important as not every relationship will involve children.

star-pants

Aye it is a good issue to be raised, as most have said, it's still a taboo type subject.
And as EMF just said, it isn't considered 'manly' to admit to (as untrue as that is), as well as the area of if children are involved the courts do generally side with the mother.

I've seen this type of thing at nightclubs etc, guy & girl having a row, girl going mental, guy hasn't a clue what's going on, she hits him with whatever she's holding or pushes him or throws her phone/shoe at him and as you can imagine no one would intervene. Scenario reversed and I'd dare say a hell of a lot more people would be over there pretty quickly. It's ridiculous in my book. No one should hit anyone, and no one should be subject to mental or physical abuse. Male on female violence should be seen in the same light as female on male violence. Yes there's always potential for the guy to do more physical damage if he's stronger, but I'm sure the female can do just as much if she has a weapon of some description.
And there is the mental abuse of wearing someone down over time, I've seen it happen to both genders and it's not nice.

It is something that should be in the light more, have more support and more understanding, and make it ok for guys to seek help if needs be.

Bottle_of_Smoke

EMF2010 wrote: »

I don't think the only issue is about leverage in the family courts, although I do agree with you about bias in favour of the mother . I think that
the issue of shame, the secrecy surrounding abuse, the perception that it isn't 'manly' to admit that this is happening etc. is actually more important as not every relationship will involve children.

If there's no kids I see no reason to stay. I don't think I'd have anyproblem telling someone the reason we split was she threw a punch at me.

kangaroo

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

If there's no kids I see no reason to stay. I don't think I'd have anyproblem telling someone the reason we split was she threw a punch at me.

What if she was drunk/had drink on her when she did it, you were married and had a house? Some might stay. Another example might be if you felt guilty for something you had done - I don't know, gambled money, kissed somebody (?) (maybe when had drink on you), etc and it was part of giving out to you. I'm not an expert on male domestic violence.

star-pants

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

If there's no kids I see no reason to stay. I don't think I'd have any problem telling someone the reason we split was she threw a punch at me.

But you see so many that stay in relationships because there's also been mental break down of some description. You might have the guy telling the girl no one will ever want her, that she's damaged or fat or whatever. The same can be done the other way, lies entangled with what's believed to be love can mess up that, and make you want to stay. If a couple have been together a long time, why give up so quickly, maybe it's just a bad patch, maybe he/she is right, maybe this is my only chance at a relationship/love. You can have no idea what is going on inside the heads of people in these abusive relationships.

Whilst I do completely agree with you, if there aren't children involved there should be no reason to stay in a relationship of that nature, but it does happen. And people do feel ashamed. It's that that needs to change, they need to feel supported to be able to make the decision to leave.
Same with women who stay in abusive relationships, even with no children involved a lot of them are scared to leave or feel this is their only hope.

Bottle_of_Smoke

kangaroo wrote: »

What if she was drunk/had drink on her when she did it, you were married and had a house? Some might stay. Another example might be if you felt guilty for something you had done - I don't know, gambled money, kissed somebody (?) (maybe when had drink on you), etc and it was part of giving out to you. I'm not an expert on male domestic violence.

I hear you on the guilt thing. You may be right about being drunk but I doubt it, I just think I'd no longer see the person in the same light. Obviously impossible to predict.

star-pants wrote: »

But you see so many that stay in relationships because there's also been mental break down of some description. You might have the guy telling the girl no one will ever want her, that she's damaged or fat or whatever. The same can be done the other way, lies entangled with what's believed to be love can mess up that, and make you want to stay. If a couple have been together a long time, why give up so quickly, maybe it's just a bad patch, maybe he/she is right, maybe this is my only chance at a relationship/love. You can have no idea what is going on inside the heads of people in these abusive relationships.

Very good points. I suppose everyone should really have a good think about what they would do if they ever found themselves in that situation before it happens.

star-pants

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

I hear you on the guilt thing. You may be right about being drunk but I doubt it, I just think I'd no longer see the person in the same light. Obviously impossible to predict.

Very good points. I suppose everyone should really have a good think about what they would do if they ever found themselves in that situation before it happens.

I think what I've highlighted is the crux of it. We can all say and think what we believe on the matter, what we *think* we would do. But unless you're actually in that situation and feeling/going through whatever is going on, it's pretty tough to say you'd definitely do x y or z.
I'd like to think if I were in that type of situation I would get out asap. But I can't guarantee that.
I've seen friends in destructive relationships even when they can see it's not right.

Still no harm as you say to think about what you would do in that situation should anyone be unfortunate enough to be stuck in it.

Fistycuffs

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

If there's no kids I see no reason to stay. I don't think I'd have anyproblem telling someone the reason we split was she threw a punch at me.

Well I'm loathed to admit that life has been such that I have watched Fair City lately.

While the story line is disturbing it's very well done in places. It does highlight that with men as with women domestic abuse is not just physical. It's about slowly robbing someone of their dignity and self worth to make them feel like such a miserable failure that they deserve no better and are responsible for provoking beatings.
When you get someone into that position it's not so easy for them too see that the way out is simply through the front door.Also they're already terribly ashamed,telling other people is inviting more shame and I'm sure that's much worse for a man.

The storyline has been good in that it has portrayed the husbands self esteem being chipped away over a long time before he was ever hit. He has had shame heaped upon shame ,from losing his job to having his very resentful wife support him to her making constant jibes about his looks,his sexual performance ,how he's useless at anything she asks him to do etc. She has used the fact that he had a one night stand in the past as justification for her violence and to make him feel guilty. She's stopped him going to his local pub because he can't be trusted around women,stopped him seeing any friends because they undermine their marriage in her opinion and has taken his money from him.He also has no family. Over time you can see how he has ended up in a position where he can't see the wood for the trees anymore and is not emotionally able to gather himself to get away.

So it's easy to say "just walk out" but in truth with any abuse the greatest damage done is rarely the physical damage.You have to understand that in these cases people see their options through the warped lens that abuse has left them with.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Fistycuffs wrote: »

Well I'm loathed to admit that life has been such that I have watched Fair City lately.

While the story line is disturbing it's very well done in places. It does highlight that with men as with women domestic abuse is not just physical. It's about slowly robbing someone of their dignity and self worth to make them feel like such a miserable failure that they deserve no better and are responsible for provoking beatings.
When you get someone into that position it's not so easy for them too see that the way out is simply through the front door.Also they're already terribly ashamed,telling other people is inviting more shame and I'm sure that's much worse for a man.

The storyline has been good in that it has portrayed the husbands self esteem being chipped away over a long time before he was ever hit. He has had shame heaped upon shame ,from losing his job to having his very resentful wife support him to her making constant jibes about his looks,his sexual performance ,how he's useless at anything she asks him to do etc. She has used the fact that he had a one night stand in the past as justification for her violence and to make him feel guilty. She's stopped him going to his local pub because he can't be trusted around women,stopped him seeing any friends because they undermine their marriage in her opinion and has taken his money from him.He also has no family. Over time you can see how he has ended up in a position where he can't see the wood for the trees anymore and is not emotionally able to gather himself to get away.

So it's easy to say "just walk out" but in truth with any abuse the greatest damage done is rarely the physical damage.You have to understand that in these cases people see their options through the warped lens that abuse has left them with.

Yeah. Very true. I think that comment was naive of me come to think of it.

HavingCrack

One thing that always confused me in these type of situations is the abusive partner. Do they enjoy making their husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend feel terrible?? If they hate them so much why do they stay with them??

Bottle_of_Smoke

HavingCrack wrote: »

One thing that always confused me in these type of situations is the abusive partner. Do they enjoy making their husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend feel terrible?? If they hate them so much why do they stay with them??

Control, fear. They know a partner with self esteem wouldn't put up with them so they use ''any means neccesary'' if you will to keep the person around.

Otis Driftwood

HavingCrack wrote: »

One thing that always confused me in these type of situations is the abusive partner. Do they enjoy making their husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend feel terrible?? If they hate them so much why do they stay with them??

I reckon its partly a self esteem issue on behalf of the abuser in alot of cases.Its the same as a child bullying another,invariably there are deeper issues at the root cause.

metrovelvet

HavingCrack wrote: »

One thing that always confused me in these type of situations is the abusive partner. Do they enjoy making their husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend feel terrible?? If they hate them so much why do they stay with them??

Misery loves company?

doolox

I have lived through a stormy relationship between my parents that had an indirect effect on all our (their childrens) developments.

Mum was basically a very insecure person,prone to depression and found it difficult to form friendships and relationships outside the home.
Dad was very sociable, physically very able and found life easy, playing sports, popular with people, successful in business in spite of having only moderate levelof formal education. He built a business by sheer will,energy and being good with people which wouldn't be possible today.

Both were very combative and capable of hurling abuse at each other or any children who got in their way. Over time however Dad became ill with dementia and Mum, up to then always the dependent partner had totake care of him, which she did very well for the final 2-3 years of dads life. Me and the available sisters did what we could to support mum in this but the lions share of the work fell on mum. The effectof all this was that the grew to respect and love each other, or to realise what love existed under all the arguments and rows. All of us in the family have now got the challenge of not transmitting old ways of running relationships:-eg. rows,sarcasm, criticism,etc. into our own relationships.

Friction can occur in any relationship over:- Money, fidelity, how to rear the children etc. It is vitally important to talk things over in a neutral way and seek help when necessary. But it is also important to respect the needs for privacy of your partner. In the end if safety or violence are involved it may be time to get out............

BrianD3

I don't generally watch Fair City but this storyline recently came up in conversation with a few friends and colleagues. All of them (men and women) found it hillarious. As an experiment I decided to bring up the topic of male on female domestic violence as featured in Roddy Doyle's Family programme from a few years ago. They all found that "horrible" and "scary".

Now obviously these are fictional programmes, personally I enjoy gory and violent action/horror movies which some people might find appalling.

But still it is interesting (and worrying IMO) to see the very different reactions to fictional male and fictional female domestic violence.

HavingCrack

BrianD3 wrote: »

I don't generally watch Fair City but this storyline recently came up in conversation with a few friends and colleagues. All of them (men and women) found it hillarious. As an experiment I decided to bring up the topic of male on female domestic violence as featured in Roddy Doyle's Family programme from a few years ago. They all found that "horrible" and "scary".

Now obviously these are fictional programmes, personally I enjoy gory and violent action/horror movies which some people might find appalling.

But still it is interesting (and worrying IMO) to see the very different reactions to fictional male and fictional female domestic violence.

I think the reason might partly be that the acting isn't particularly great in Fair City. The violence portrayed in it almost has a comedic quality to it as it seems veyr false in my opinion anyway. If it were being broadcast at 10 pm and the woman was beating the man until he was black and blue I'd imagine the reaction would be different.

kangaroo

BrianD3 wrote: »

I don't generally watch Fair City but this storyline recently came up in conversation with a few friends and colleagues. All of them (men and women) found it hillarious. As an experiment I decided to bring up the topic of male on female domestic violence as featured in Roddy Doyle's Family programme from a few years ago. They all found that "horrible" and "scary".

Now obviously these are fictional programmes, personally I enjoy gory and violent action/horror movies which some people might find appalling.

But still it is interesting (and worrying IMO) to see the very different reactions to fictional male and fictional female domestic violence.

Perhaps if the type of story is covered more in the media it might change mindsets.

Handsome Bob

I think what the show is doing well is the reaction of others towards the situation. Even though Damien is the one who looks like the broken man and Suzanne is swanning around without a care in the world people are still assuming that Damo is the one dishing out the beatings. I just hope Damo doesn't strike back, that would ruin the storyline for me.

HavingCrack

No definately not true, it's run by an ex-guard who was abused by his wife.

K-9

LZ5by5 wrote: »

I just hope Damo doesn't strike back, that would ruin the storyline for me.

Unfortunately that happens. Statistics show a big chunk of domestic violence is committed by both parties.

The problem is, in a scenario like in Fair City, the woman is more likely to be believed or protected.

metrovelvet

K-9 wrote: »

Unfortunately that happens. Statistics show a big chunk of domestic violence is committed by both parties.

The problem is, in a scenario like in Fair City, the woman is more likely to be believed or protected.

The stupid thing about Fair City is its northsiders being written by southsiders.

Bottle_of_Smoke

metrovelvet wrote: »

The stupid thing about Fair City is its northsiders being written by southsiders.

No. It is drama about working and middle class citizens being written by middle class writers.

Applying northsider and southsider is incredibilly lazy and makes no sense. If you excluded dublin 4 those residing north of the liffey would be richer than those on the south. I'd sooner live in Glasnevin than Tallaght thank you very much

HavingCrack

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

No. It is drama about working and middle class citizens being written by middle class writers.

Applying northsider and southsider is incredibilly lazy and makes no sense. If you excluded dublin 4 those residing north of the liffey would be richer than those on the south. I'd sooner live in Glasnevin than Tallaght thank you very much

Pfff some parts of Tallaght are just as nice as any in Glasnevin. Kingswood and Firhouse are two a very nice, settled, middle class areas.

helimachoptor

Off topic or what.. I'm a big fan of it but tbh I do fine the storyline interesting even if the scenes are a bit comedic in my view, fair play to Suzanne when she's not hitting damo and she's using words she can be quite sinister.

_Whimsical_

K-9 wrote: »

Unfortunately that happens. Statistics show a big chunk of domestic violence is committed by both parties.

The problem is, in a scenario like in Fair City, the woman is more likely to be believed or protected.

I have never heard this before or seen statistics that support it. Do you have a link or a reference?

In any situation where a woman takes a man on in a physical fight she will know that there's a very high probability of her coming off worse at the end of it sheerly by virtue of her physical make up.A punch from the average woman will hurt or injure an average man. A punch from the average man could potentially kill an average woman.

I think that very few women would be likely to physically hurt a man they know to be violent for fear he would retaliate. Where it does happen the woman will usually be the most severely injured and will be the one needing the protection you speak of.

Of course I'm not saying it absolutely never happens at all but I do not believe that it is true in a "big chunk" of domestic abuse cases.It would be a great pity if people were to start believing that a female victim of abuse might be just the loser in a fight she actively brought about.

I also think the plight of abused men is very important to highlight.Fair City has excellently portrayed that men can be vulnerable to emotional and physical abuse.There's also a very disturbing storyline in Hollyoaks right now where there's violence in a gay male relationship. I hope bringing these issues out of the dark will bring attention to male domestic violence and will be the catalyst for men in these situations to get help and support they need to get away.

It would be truely awful however if a wider conclusion was drawn from Fair City that there is a significant number of women like Suzanne riling their partners into violence or who might be undeserving of help or sympathy if they've been abused.

kangaroo

_Whimsical_ wrote: »

I have never heard this before or seen statistics that support it.

I recall seeing/hearing statistics from a few years ago from Ireland that a lot of fights were started by women. Whether that was 30/40/50/60% I can't remember at this stage.

Ok, I decided to do some research:

http://www.amen.ie/Downloads/mdv2.pdf

Men and Domestic Violence: What Research Tells Us
by
Kieran McKeown
&
Philippa Kidd

Kieran McKeown Limited,
Social & Economic Research Consultants,
16 Hollybank Road, Drumcondra, Dublin 9, Ireland.

Report to the Department of Health & Children
March 2002

3.10 Context of Violence
Domestic violence is sometimes conceptualised as the problem of men assaulting women in the interest of maintaining a culturally prescribed position of dominance within the family27. In this perspective it is assumed that female violence in intimate relationships is predominantly defensive or retaliatory, rather than offensive. If women do initiate violence in a relationship, then this is regarded as atypical female behaviour28 and is likely to be seen as “expressive” rather than “instrumental”.

In order to explore this issue, a number of studies have tried to measure the context of domestic violence by asking “which partner initiated the violence?”. Five studies have collected data on this question (see Table 3.8); another study has also collected data on the reasons given by men and women for perpetrating violence against their partners (see Table 3.9). These questions are clearly part of the context for understanding domestic violence. However it is worth bearing in mind that the context of domestic violence – as with other aspects of intimate relationships – is much more complex than this and involves not just the relationship itself and the behaviours, attitudes and emotions that have evolved within it over time but also the larger familial, social, economic and cultural context in which the relationship is situated. Nevertheless the question of who initiates domestic violence and why can throw valuable light on the process.

The results in Table 3.8 shows that women are consistently more likely than men to initiate domestic violence; the only exception is “chronic victims” in the British Crime Survey where men and women are equally likely to initiate violence29. This result holds true whether the data is based on the self-reports of victims or perpetrators and is in line with other surveys30.

This clearly questions the notion that women’s violence is largely retaliatory or defensive.
Further insight into the context of domestic violence is provided by the one study – the British MORI Survey – which examined the reasons given by men and women for being violent to their partners. As summarised in Table 3.9, the three main reasons for perpetrating domestic violence are frustration, control, and retaliation.

I can't copy this table easily

Table 3.8 Initiation of Physical Violence in Representative Samples of Men and Women

Background:
They earlier talked about context:

2.2.6 Measuring Context
The context of domestic violence is measured in five of the studies reviewed here by asking about which partner initiated the violence, while one of these studies – the British MORI Survey – also asked about the reasons why, in the opinion of both perpetrator and victim, the violent behaviour occurred. These questions throw useful light on the context of domestic violence although it is also worth bearing in mind that a full understanding of context would require a broader understanding of the behaviours, attitudes and emotions that make up the relationship between the couple.

The typical question used to measure initiation is “who was responsible or to blame for starting the fight”49. In the British Crime Survey, respondents were given a choice of three options to describe initiation: (1) you used force first; (2) they used force first; (3) can’t remember50. In the Edmonton survey in Canada, each respondent was given the option of answering yes or no to the question: “were you ever the one who hit or threw things first, regardless of who started the argument?”51. Similar ‘forced choice response options’ were offered in the Alberta survey in Canada52.

Another aspect of context is the reasons which people give for using force against their partner. This was explored in one study by asking respondents why they and their partners used force53. The response options in this study included: it was the only way to get through to him / her; I was getting back at him / her for something nasty (s)he said or threatened to do to me; I wanted to make him / her do what I wanted; I was under the influence of alcohol at the time.

K-9

_Whimsical_ wrote: »

I have never heard this before or seen statistics that support it. Do you have a link or a reference?

In any situation where a woman takes a man on in a physical fight she will know that there's a very high probability of her coming off worse at the end of it sheerly by virtue of her physical make up.A punch from the average woman will hurt or injure an average man. A punch from the average man could potentially kill an average woman.

I think that very few women would be likely to physically hurt a man they know to be violent for fear he would retaliate. Where it does happen the woman will usually be the most severely injured and will be the one needing the protection you speak of.

Of course I'm not saying it absolutely never happens at all but I do not believe that it is true in a "big chunk" of domestic abuse cases.It would be a great pity if people were to start believing that a female victim of abuse might be just the loser in a fight she actively brought about.

I also think the plight of abused men is very important to highlight.Fair City has excellently portrayed that men can be vulnerable to emotional and physical abuse.There's also a very disturbing storyline in Hollyoaks right now where there's violence in a gay male relationship. I hope bringing these issues out of the dark will bring attention to male domestic violence and will be the catalyst for men in these situations to get help and support they need to get away.

It would be truely awful however if a wider conclusion was drawn from Fair City that there is a significant number of women like Suzanne riling their partners into violence or who might be undeserving of help or sympathy if they've been abused.

Amen

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Ireland:
On Tuesday 5th July 2005 the National Crime Council (NCC), in association with the Economic and Social Research Institute (ESRI), published the first ever large scale study undertaken to give an overview of the nature, extent and impact of domestic abuse against women and men in intimate partner relationships in Ireland. Among the notable findings are:[/FONT]

• [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] 15% of women and 6% of men suffer severe domestic abuse[/FONT]
• [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]29% of women and 26% of men suffer domestic abuse when severe and
  minor abuse are combined[/FONT]
• [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]13% of women and 13% of men suffer physical abuse [/FONT]
• [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]29% of women (1 in 3) and only 5% of men (1 in 20) report to the Gardaí[/FONT]
• [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]49% of admissions to women’s refuges are Travellers (according to the 2002 census Travellers account for just 0.6% of the entire population) [/FONT]
• [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Of those turned away from refuges, 46% were for reasons other than
  the refuges being full.[/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]According to the Government Departments (Health and Justice) who have responsibilities in this area, the NCC study is the definitive piece of research on domestic violence in this country.[/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Other Irish research on domestic violence
The results of the NCC study relating to gender prevalence broadly reflect the findings of the three other two-sex studies carried out in this country (for ACCORD; MRCS and the Department of Health).[/FONT]

• [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The MRCS report (2001), based on a survey of 530 clients, found that, where domestic violence occurs, mutual violence accounts for 33% of cases, female perpetrated violence accounts for 41% and male perpetrated violence for 26%.[/FONT]
• [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Similarly, the ACCORD research (2003), based on a survey of 1500 clients, found that women were perpetrators in 30% of domestic violence cases, men were perpetrators in 23% of cases and mutual violence accounted for 48%. An interesting feature of this study, which involved couples attending counseling, was that 84% of women and 74% of men agreed with their partner’s response to this question, suggesting that the self-reported prevalence is quite reliable.[/FONT]

Wolfe Tone

Ive seen something similar to the nightclub scene described earlier, women hitting men, people looking and laughing. What is the guy supposed to do in that situation? Ive tried to put myself in the shoes of a man in that situation; I would never hit a woman, I would not ditch her there either(she might be drunk) the conclusion I have come to is that I would just stand there and let her until she calmed down, then dump her in a taxi.
Would would anyone else do?

Bottle_of_Smoke

_Whimsical_ wrote: »

I think that very few women would be likely to physically hurt a man they know to be violent for fear he would retaliate. Where it does happen the woman will usually be the most severely injured and will be the one needing the protection you speak of.

It is ingrained in the vast majority of men that you should never strike a woman, perhaps even in self defence. Men who hit women are always portrayed as barbaric, and associated with instabilitity, anger problems, or coming from a medieval middle east type backgrounds.

The ones physically abusing men are women who know their partner won't retaliate physically, or if they do, it will be defensive retalliation like restraining their movement rather than assaulting them offensively

I'm abroad so I haven't seen fair city in a while. Wouldn't be surprised if the writers have Damian fight back and accidently injure his wife severely, as he was an drunken mess a few months ago and his father killed his mother a few years ago.

professore

Ive seen something similar to the nightclub scene described earlier, women hitting men, people looking and laughing. What is the guy supposed to do in that situation? Ive tried to put myself in the shoes of a man in that situation; I would never hit a woman, I would not ditch her there either(she might be drunk) the conclusion I have come to is that I would just stand there and let her until she calmed down, then dump her in a taxi.
Would would anyone else do?

Two wrongs don't make a right.

amacachi

MUSSOLINI wrote: »

Ive seen something similar to the nightclub scene described earlier, women hitting men, people looking and laughing. What is the guy supposed to do in that situation? Ive tried to put myself in the shoes of a man in that situation; I would never hit a woman, I would not ditch her there either(she might be drunk) the conclusion I have come to is that I would just stand there and let her until she calmed down, then dump her in a taxi.
Would would anyone else do?

I've seen this answered elsewhere, basically you're expected to defend yourself and defuse the situation with inflicting any harm on the other person. Which is easy when someone is hysterical.

cynder

I hate to say this, but while watching fair city i was sitting there wishing he would hit her back, just one hard slap. *given that what happened to Damien's mom he would never raise a hand to a woman, even if it was in self defence.

helimachoptor

Watched it last night, quite interesting and an entertaining storyline.

honorisloyalty

No self-respecting man would ever dream of hitting a woman.
That's why the storyline in Fair City is no exaggeration at all.
A big guy would sooner let a tiny weak little woman hit him than do anything about it.

Monty Burnz

professore wrote: »

Two wrongs don't make a right.

Um...where's the second wrong???

HavingCrack

honorisloyalty wrote: »

No self-respecting man would ever dream of hitting a woman.
That's why the storyline in Fair City is no exaggeration at all.
A big guy would sooner let a tiny weak little woman hit him than do anything about it.

That's slightly ridiculous. I have plenty of respect for myself but if my life or personal safety was in danger and running away isn't an option would I hit a woman (or indeed a man)? Damn straight I would.

However, an significant amount of men, probably a big majority would rather take a vicious beating from a woman rather than hit back, you're right on that. Hence the storyline in Fair City.

honorisloyalty

HavingCrack wrote: »

That's slightly ridiculous. I have plenty of respect for myself but if my life or personal safety was in danger and running away isn't an option would I hit a woman (or indeed a man)? Damn straight I would.

However, an significant amount of men, probably a big majority would rather take a vicious beating from a woman rather than hit back, you're right on that. Hence the storyline in Fair City.

If a guy hits a woman in self-defence, nobody will take him seriously. Nobody.
My immediate instinctive reaction to hearing stories of battered women or rapes or serial killers who hunt women down for sport is a desire to catch the man responsible and beat the living daylights out of him.
Most action movies have plot device where the hero's woman is kidnapped and he blows away the scum who are holding her for ransom.
Women will always, always, always be believed over a man.
A man who is beaten by a woman or allows himself to be beaten by a woman is instantly a figure of fun for men and women alike.
There are scores of videos on youtube spoofing the Fair City storyline and most of the comments are about how much of a wuss the Damian character is.

HavingCrack

honorisloyalty wrote: »

If a guy hits a woman in self-defence, nobody will take him seriously. Nobody.
My immediate instinctive reaction to hearing stories of battered women or rapes or serial killers who hunt women down for sport is a desire to catch the man responsible and beat the living daylights out of him.
Most action movies have plot device where the hero's woman is kidnapped and he blows away the scum who are holding her for ransom.
Women will always, always, always be believed over a man.
A man who is beaten by a woman or allows himself to be beaten by a woman is instantly a figure of fun for men and women alike.
There are scores of videos on youtube spoofing the Fair City storyline and most of the comments are about how much of a wuss the Damian character is.

I'm confused, are you condoning the attitude that it's not acceptable for a man to hit a woman in self defence??

kangaroo

honorisloyalty wrote: »

There are scores of videos on youtube spoofing the Fair City storyline

Some people have too much time on their hands.

kangaroo

I don't know if you are being serious. I know I wouldn't do that and I think a lot of men wouldn't.

honorisloyalty

HavingCrack wrote: »

I'm confused, are you condoning the attitude that it's not acceptable for a man to hit a woman in self defence??

I'm saying it is not possible for a man to defend himself in this situation without being accused of being a wife beater. This is the ultimate taboo.

L31mr0d

The problem with the nightclub scenario is that another man runs the risk of aggravating the male being hit if he intervenes and restrains the woman.

I know I wouldn't intervene. I don't know if the man is ok with being hit, or if he is actually suffering from it. He may turn on me if I touch the woman and try and hold her back.

I guess I'd only intervene if the man assumes the fetal position. Imo, as soon as a person drops to the ground, regardless of sex, or curls up into a ball they are no longer ok with what is happening and need assistance.

I don't know if it's in the news over in Ireland, but in Canada you can't pass through the checkouts in a supermarket without seeing this horrible cretins face plastered all over the celeb rags.

Amber Portwood

Female abuse of males has become a hot topic at the moment, thanks mainly due to this girls constant verbal and physical abuse of her daughters father in the reality show "Teen Moms" on MTV. The guy is no angel, but the girl is something else. But it is a case that, if the roles had been reversed, I doubt the cameras would of stayed rolling as she beat him and nearly kicked him down a flight of stairs.

Long Room Hubba

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

No. It is drama about working and middle class citizens being written by middle class writers.

I agree that television does tend to bias towards the higher socio-economic brackets. That's often the background of the people who get to make the commissioning decisions, and they feel more confident in their judgements about the milieu they know best.

In this instance, however, your point is not accurate. There is quite a diverse range of backgrounds on the Fair City writing team, with plenty of working class voices.