Wasting my time

LegacyUser

Hi all, hope ye can give me some unbiased views on my situation:
Okay, so a fortnight ago, my boyfriend of two and a half years texted (don’t even get me started on that) me to say he wanted to go on a break until Christmas. I thought this was very out of the blue and was obviously against it. He said he’s not willing to compromise but is sure we’ll get back together at Christmas.

I love him so much so I would be willing to do was it not for my stubborn nature telling me that he can’t just dictate to me when we break up and get back together.

I was talking to him at the weekend and we decided to have weekly phone calls just to catch up or whatever and he promised he’d ring Tuesday (which was last night). He never did and I texted him to remind him but nothing back. Like is he just waiting for me to say “Fcuk you, you’re an a$$hole, I never want to see you again” so he won’t be guilty of dumping me? Or what? My brain is fried over the whole thing. I was also suspicious (with good reason) that he might be cheating on me but he’s adamant he’s not, so I don’t know what to think on that side. Like what is he playing at?

Also, his birthday was a few weeks ago and I paid for flights and accommodation for a holiday in January that he’s still sure we’re going on. Am I just wasting my time?
Any advice?

LegacyUser

Why does your boyfriend think he can do all those things to you and get away with it? Have you been giving him the green light on other occasions?
Tell him where to go. Don't answer his texts or calls. Organise to go on the holiday you paid for with a friend instead.

HE IS A WASTE OF YOUR TIME AND ENERGY. Find someone who'll respect you.

Nody

Sorry but calling for a break "until Christmas" sounds to me as "I've found another I want to see if it will work out or not so I can come back to you if it don't".

Now you say you love him but seriously after 2.5 years I'd not take it; cancel the holiday, don't bother to wait or call him and once Christmas comes around tell him no.

Katgurl

sorry OP but this does not look good & your boyfriend is behaving in an outrageous manner. My blood is actually boiling reading your opening post.

the fact that he thought a text was sufficient to call a break?
the fact that he thinks he can call a break & definitely have you back?

i agree with the previous poster who is saying he's checking if things might work out elsewhere. or he thinks he can have a fling elsewhere and come back when he's satisfied his curiosity.

either way, he's a selfish pig & has zero respect for you. you can't change his feelings but you definitely need to start showing yourself some respect.

Tell him you've had a think & decided he can have all the space he needs and head for the hills. Actually don't even bother telling him, just tell yourself. You've already given this prick 2.5 years, don't give him one more day.

LegacyUser

Did he give you reasons for this break? Did you meet to discuss? Was there anything within the relationship that prompted this?

Have you told him how much this has hurt you?

It's not looking great. You need to proceed as if it's over. DO NOT call him again, or text. I know how hard it is, but that's the only way to proceed. There may be someone else, or maybe he just wants freedom for Christmas party season, or maybe he just needs to see if he misses you. Don't second guess. Don't obsess, just be good to yourself and get on with your life as best you can.

Nikbik

Your boyfriend doesnt have a backbone, What a lame thing to do - If i were you id cut all contact with this horrible person and move on, What does he want you to do sit around and wait for him, so he can be out doing whatever he wants while you sit at home and "wait". Seriously girl where is your self respect.... He's a coward and the sooner you see that the better... Sorry for being so straight and to the point but my best friend went thru the same sh*t and it took her a year to see him for what he is.... I wish u all the best

Zen65

Here's a thought:

I think you should speak to him and find out what's up.

If he's having medical treatment for something serious that he didn't want to burden you with, then that might be the only grounds for understanding why he's behaving this way.

Otherwise..... he's most likely being an a@@ and should be let go, to find his own kind.


Be at peace,


Z

28064212

purplejumper wrote: »

Hi all, hope ye can give me some unbiased views on my situation:
Okay, so a fortnight ago, my boyfriend of two and a half years texted (don’t even get me started on that) me to say he wanted to go on a break until Christmas. I thought this was very out of the blue and was obviously against it. He said he’s not willing to compromise but is sure we’ll get back together at Christmas.

You're missing a vital piece of information, namely why did he say he wanted to go on a break? There's plenty of legitimate reasons to want a break (although it doesn't sound like he has one). People who care for each other don't just say "oh, see you in 2 months". Demand an answer, and break up with him if you don't get one.

larrymickdick

seriously!?! wtf kind of planet is this guy living on? don't contact him - don't be available in any way for him and go on the trip with a friend - don't let him know he's not going - let him figure it out for himself - I mean that's basically what he's doing to you. If he's not too thick he'll get the picture - also if he is seeing someone else and it doesn't work out would you go away with him still? not a bloody chance i hope! I'm sure you have way to much self respect for that kind crap.

silkworm53

He's trying to have his cake and eat it.
Tell him either you two are together in a relationship or it's over.

LegacyUser

I love him so much so I would be willing to do was it not for my stubborn nature telling me that he can’t just dictate to me when we break up and get back together.

I would hope its more the your "stubborn nature" stopping you from doing so....if you have any shred of self esteem you'd realise this guy is treating you like a piece of dirt.
Don't use love as an excuse to allow yourself to be treated like crap.

Also, his birthday was a few weeks ago and I paid for flights and accommodation for a holiday in January that he’s still sure we’re going on.

Sounds like he wants to sleep around till christmas, and then use you for a free holiday to be honest..

He said he’s not willing to compromise but is sure we’ll get back together at Christmas.

Hahahaahaa brilliant!of course hes sure! he couldn't be missing the free holiday now could he! or the christmas present!
OP if you do take him back (more fool you), just don't be surprised when he dumps you again in february!

Am I just wasting my time?
OP i'm really sorry your bf is such an absolute spineless creep, but you've already wasted 2 and a half years on this complete user, but don't be stupid enough to waste any more.

Princess Peach

My ex was big into breaks, such a horrible feeling I know! In the end I had to make the decision myself not to take him back anymore cause I just couldn't handle being with someone who was so indecisive, and treated me like that, dumping me whenever he felt like it.

My advice is to talk to him. Tell him how this makes you feel, ask him why he is doing it. You deserve to get straight answers out of him if he's the one doing this. It never worked for me to talk to my ex because he was an emotional retard, excuse the expression. But maybe it might work for you.

If the talking doesn't sort anything maybe think about moving on. I know how hard it is if you love him not to keep that hope in your heart that he will want you back. But you can't put yourself through this stress. And hopefully you can find someone who knows they love you and knows they want to be with you and treats you well, because thats what you deserve.

Neyite

OP. my take on that would be he is keeping you on ice until he sees how another fling takes place - maybe with someone who is going away for christmas or just after? of course he swears blind hes not cheating - in his mind the text sorted that out.
get rid of him, and bring a friend on that holiday.

S23

Give him one chance to explain why he needs a 'break' and unless he comes up with a cracker of an answer (I can't actually think of a valid one) then tell him to hit the bricks.

He's asking for a green card to do what he likes until the new year then expect you to take him back if he feels like it. I know you can't switch your emotions on and off like a tap but just try and put your logical head on for 2 seconds and weigh up what he's doing.

And go on the holiday with someone else

LegacyUser

Wow, there seems to be a general consensus on the situation. I just don't want to let it go so easily, after that long, it's really hard to

Zen65 wrote: »

Here's a thought:

I think you should speak to him and find out what's up.

If he's having medical treatment for something serious that he didn't want to burden you with, then that might be the only grounds for understanding why he's behaving this way.

I initially thought it might be a touch of depression, he started a new job in September and has been up to his eyes with that and also paying off student debts which I know have put him under stress. He said he just feels really down the whole time and says he hasn't had much of a libido in months so maybe it is just a case of wanting head-space?

28064212 wrote: »

You're missing a vital piece of information, namely why did he say he wanted to go on a break? There's plenty of legitimate reasons to want a break (although it doesn't sound like he has one). People who care for each other don't just say "oh, see you in 2 months". Demand an answer, and break up with him if you don't get one.

When I asked (read: pleaded) for an explanation he just kept saying that he needed time apart from us and that he still loved me so much and is sure that we'll come back a lot stronger after the break. He also said he has no intentions of being with anyone else in the meantime but I don't know how serious he is about that. I just can't understand how he could say all those things and yet still want to go on a break.

As for him playing away or having the intention of playing away, do ye really think that? I'd be absolutely heart-broken if that was the case because he has always said he hates cheating (he was cheated on before we were together).

S23

You've been together 2.5 years he owes you a proper explanation. Until you get that then I'd be extremely suspicious.

He needs to do better than the 'time apart will make us stronger'. If he needs space, and he's the only one looking for it, he needs to give a good valid reason because while it might be what he needs you're in for a few months of mental torment unless he can sufficiently explain his actions

TitoPuente

"Taking a break" is an absolutely nonsense. I'm sorry to be so forthright, but if someone doesn't appreciate what they have and wants to take a break from their other person, then you need to move on and find someone more worthy. Let him regret his decision at a later date. Alone.

LegacyUser

I just don't want to let it go so easily, after that long, it's really hard to

But its obviously not that hard for him though...he seems to be throwing it away pretty easily
He couldn't even be arsed telling you face to face...
And then couldn't be arsed giving you a reason..
nice guy!

Emme

Here's my 2 cents:

Youtube links aren't allowed here, but OP, listen to the lyrics of the Beautiful South song "I've had a little time" and then dump his ass! If you can get the money back cancel the holiday in January or else bring a friend. Don't take him. The little scumbag is probably planning to get back with you AFTER Christmas let you take him on holiday (or take you for a holiday, so to speak) then dump you afterwards, or failing that, just before Valentines!

LegacyUser

He's making a joke of you

+1 Absolutely

I've a feeling he calls all the shots in this "relationship" from the sounds of things.

Oryx

Regardless of what his reasons really are, he could not do this if his feelings for you were strong. If he needs 'space' it is because he is not sure if he loves you.

Let him go, and dont wait around till Christmas for him to come back. This is your life, not his, and you shouldnt waste your time this way. If youre breaking up now, then break up, properly. Attempt to move on. If you do anything less, then in your head you are still in the relationship, while he is not. Dont have weekly catch up chats, thats just a safety net for both of you. If he wants to try single life, then he has to do it cold turkey or he wont get the space he says he needs.

If you use the next few months to rebuild yourself without him, then at least if he does come crawling back you will be in a much stronger position with a clearer head to know what you want.

LegacyUser

your story is like a deja vu...

many of us have been there but reading your story reminded me of my last relationship.

We were great together, all was good or so i thought...out of the blue he tells me hes not sure he wants to be with me, so i said maybe a time to think would be good...thing is, i meant a couple days..he lead me on for 2 months!! and only because i finaly gave up and said ok, what is going on now!!

During our break we were constantly in touch, wrong wrong wrong idea! keeping chit chat and being friends....like Wibbs would say its like a downgrade and i for sure felt that way then.

He also was saying he hated people who cheats and why bother being in a relationship if you going to sleep with someone else etc...even disliked many of his friends who were cheating on their gfs...

He kept saying he loved me, was mad about me and yet, this was dragging on...
We eventually broke up after i said enough is enough and 2 years now to the date almost from the day we went on a break, he has a new gf since im not sure when but i would guess 1 year or so, he has called me loads of time curiously for the past 4 months, and im embarrassed to say he has cheated on his gf...with me.

Im not proud of it and would never do it again, he was constantly after me and i gave in, ironically this got me to get over him.

Where im going with this is, he is playing you, he no longer wants to be in this relationship and from the sound of things i think he might be fancying someone at his new work and might want to pursue it to see where it goes. Ense the change in his attitude since sarting this new job.

Being depressed and all cant be the whole reason you go on a break with someone you have been with for over 2 years, you should actually try to find support from the person the closest to you, your partner.
i totally understand how you might feel but it is probably best for you to come with the reality that this is a break up and move on.

If he wants to set the rules tell him you got one is and its "possibly getting back" but only after your holidays that you will take with someone else, not him!

But in my opinion, a break is a prelude to a break up.

A break means no contact, i would say stop texting, calls, emails , facebook.. etc....completely disappear from the radar...he wants a break then give him one! trust me, i wish i had done that back then.

It hurts and it trust me when i said it will for as long as you keep him in your life somehow, and i speak by experience, i woudl of got over my ex way sooner than 2 years later if i had stick to my advises myself.

All the best.

Princess Peach

All I know is I wish I hadn't taken my ex back after our breaks. I loved him so I always did. But I should have copped myself on, and who knows, I could have met someone else already who isn't doubting whether they like me or not. Because thats what your boyfriend is doing.

You might think its something in his head, depression maybe, but if he was sure he loved you he would stick with you regardless of whats going on with him. This shows a lack of respect for your feelings. And you shouldn't be with someone who doesn't respect you.

And this is just pure speculation on my part, but maybe he wants to break up with you, but is keeping you under his thumb because he still wants to go on that holiday? I would hate to see you get back with him and for him to dump you again the day after you come back.

Miss Fluff

purplejumper wrote: »

I initially thought it might be a touch of depression, he started a new job in September and has been up to his eyes with that and also paying off student debts which I know have put him under stress. He said he just feels really down the whole time and says he hasn't had much of a libido in months so maybe it is just a case of wanting head-space?

I knew out of all the posts on this thread that you would spot a chink of light and hope in Zen65's assertion that your (now ex) boyfriend may be on medication. While I can see why you want to reason with yourself that there is a perfectly reasonable explanation for his abominable behaviour (we've all done it) the chances are you are not going to like his actual reasons for doing this and basically treating you like sh1t.

He has dumped you without any explanation and then wants to reunite temporarily (on his terms) in order to scoop his generous present from you in the new year. And you can absolutely mark my words that he will then break up with you again.

Forget completely about his reasons for a moment (yes, chances are he has his eye on someone else or there is some other rotten agenda), but FORGET that for a moment. All you need to remember is that he felt it appropriate to break up with you by text without any explanation and then ignore your calls. This is not the actions of someone who really truly loves you unfortunately. I'm sure he did but he couldn't possibly anymore to think that to treat you like this is acceptable and to make any excuses for him now is only prolonging the pain.

I'm totally with Sunflower27 on this - get ANGRY lady, get really angry and don't ever let him have a moment of your company again.

girlyhappyface

OP, I really feel for you.. You are obviously okay with how things are going in your relationship, but if your boyf wants a break- he's not happy.
You need to get him to open up to why he is not happy, because having two months "off" from your relationship cannot fix what is wrong.
He has also treated you in a very disrespectful way. He clearly does not care about you. Sending a text to say that he wanted to go on a break? Thats so not on.
I would imagine he is leaving you questioning what you have done wrong, which is a horrible feeling.
I would be VERY surprised if he has not been seeing someone else behind your back. It's not even like he's saying he needs to take a break to reassess your relationship and where it's going, he is saying he wants a two month holiday from you.

You are worth more than someone needing a rest from you!!!

Imagine one of your friend's boyfriend's text her outta the blue, saying he wanted two months off, but he'd come back to her before Christmas (conveniently in time for presents and a holiday!). What would you say to your friend??

Emme

Miss Fluff wrote: »

He has dumped you without any explanation and then wants to reunite temporarily (on his terms) in order to scoop his generous present from you in the new year. And you can absolutely mark my words that he will then break up with you again.

I'm totally with Sunflower27 on this - get ANGRY lady, get really angry and don't ever let him have a moment of your company again.

Hear hear

Beruthiel

purplejumper wrote: »

Okay, so a fortnight ago, my boyfriend of two and a half years texted (don’t even get me started on that) me to say he wanted to go on a break until Christmas.

Texted.
He texted you!!
Sorry, I can't get passed that.
The unbelievable insensitivity and lack of respect is galling.

I love him so much

Loving someone shouldn't make you a door mat. And the fact that he can treat you so shabbily with no real fallout is why he does it.

his birthday was a few weeks ago and I paid for flights and accommodation for a holiday in January that he’s still sure we’re going on. Am I just wasting my time?

Is the pope a catholic?
Seriously.
Go find what ever self respect you've got left and dump his ass. Delete his number and never have contact with him again.
If you were my daughter/friend, I'd feel the need to shake some sense into you.

Any advice?

Ask a friend to go on that holiday with you and pick up the hottest guy at the bar.
Be safe.

he just kept saying that he needed time apart from us and that he still loved me so much and is sure that we'll come back a lot stronger after the break.

If I really and truly loved someone, there isn't a hope in hell that I would take a break from them and leave them the time to find someone else while I gaze at my navel.
You don't break up with someone you say you love.

Nevyn

Never make anyone a priority who makes you an option.
Unless there is a dire family or medical emergency behind this,
then I would be telling him that you won't be waiting.

Chicago Chick

Thaedydal wrote: »

Never make anyone a priority who makes you an option.

I think this line really sums it up. You need to do what is best for you and by what you have outlined in your posts this guy is not it.

Can I ask what made him decide he needed space until Christmas? Why not for a week or two to see how he feels if he really was down about something. To me it reads like this - I want to go out and live the single life and have fun but don't want to be by myself during the christmas season when people are generally coupled up and also don't want to miss out on the free holiday. I am so so sorry if this hurts your feelings as I am sure you are hurting already but please do what is best for you. You deserve so much better than this.

Katgurl

Emme wrote: »

Here's my 2 cents:

Youtube links aren't allowed here, but OP, listen to the lyrics of the Beautiful South song "I've had a little time" and then dump his ass! If you can get the money back cancel the holiday in January or else bring a friend. Don't take him. The little scumbag is probably planning to get back with you AFTER Christmas let you take him on holiday (or take you for a holiday, so to speak) then dump you afterwards, or failing that, just before Valentines!

Strangely enough that song popped into my head as soon as I read the OP's opening post too.

OP, please take everyone's advice - for once all the replies are in agreement. What does that tell you?

Everything your boyfriend has done is wrong. Unfortunately, you can't change someone else's behaviour. However, allowing him to continue treating you like this would be wrong on your part. The fact that you are so passively accepting it suggests your self-esteem is at rockbottom. You are not his possession to discard and pick up again at a later date. Why hasn't it occurred to your boyfriend that the decision to get back together wouldn't be entirely his after the break?

Sometimes when we're so emeshed in something its hard to see the wood from the trees (I've been there) and the only way to gain perspective is to distance yourself. Don't contact him again. Just leave it. If its necessary, set yourself a timeframe (perhaps on returning from your holiday) and let him know you'll catch up with him then.


Hopefully with a bit of work on yourself, support from your friends/family you will be able to see that you should never allow a partner to treat you like this. Keep posting here too if it is helping.

thebiggestjim

Hi OP,

I have developed one simple rule when it comes to dating (or dealing with people in general for that matter) that has served me well when I realised it and started sticking by it. Judge people by what they do and not what they say.
This guy is saying one thing "he loves you etc" but is not backing up his words with actions of someone who did (he would be with you and spend time with you, or at the very least give you a reasonable explanation of the situation).
I look back on some previous girls I was dating and if I applied this rule it would have saved me a lot of hassle. Once someone’s words and actions stop lining up, im done with that person. It never ends well.

All the best.

AvaKinder

OP you say he hates cheating, but being on a break for a few months could be his way of being with someone else guilt-free. After all you're not really together right now, so he may not see that as cheating.

Take the advice you've been given and tell him to take a running leap.

LegacyUser

So the resounding message seems to be "Get rid and fast"? Hmm, won't be too hard seeing as there still has been no word from him. I really wouldn't have believed it if I was told that he could behave like this a few months ago. Hell, a few weeks ago even. Funny how things can change so fast. Anyway, slight problem, in addition to breaking my heart, he also owes me quite a bit of money. I know, I'm an idiot for lending it in the first place but I really need that money, I'm pretty much flat broke at the moment. He always promised to pay me back and when I asked would he at the start of this "break" he still said he would and yet there have been no developments on that either.

There's also the rather depressing question of who else would want me? I don't think anyone would be as good as he was to me before he called for a break

Emme

purplejumper wrote: »

So the resounding message seems to be "Get rid and fast"? Hmm, won't be too hard seeing as there still has been no word from him. I really wouldn't have believed it if I was told that he could behave like this a few months ago. Hell, a few weeks ago even. Funny how things can change so fast. Anyway, slight problem, in addition to breaking my heart, he also owes me quite a bit of money. I know, I'm an idiot for lending it in the first place but I really need that money, I'm pretty much flat broke at the moment. He always promised to pay me back and when I asked would he at the start of this "break" he still said he would and yet there have been no developments on that either.

There's also the rather depressing question of who else would want me? I don't think anyone would be as good as he was to me before he called for a break

I can't believe the last sentence! Your self-esteem really is at rock-bottom. He wasn't good to you, he took money off you :eek: sent you a text saying he wanted a break (planning to get back after Christmas and go on the free holiday in January then possibly dump you for good before Valentines) and you haven't heard from him since. If you can cancel the holiday and get a refund it would be great, if not take a friend. In the meantime contact MABS for money advice. I don't know if you could take him to the small claims court to get the money back, but it would serve him right if you did.

Lots of people will want you once you get your self-confidence back and forget this scrounging loser.

Bottle_of_Smoke

You're being used as a back up in case he can't find someone else. He doesn't love you the way you love him. You're reliable and sweet but he thinks he has a shot at something better.

You poor thing you should take a friend on holiday in Jan or even cancel it if you think it would be too hard.

Ask yourself what you'd tell a friend or sister in your situation. You can't look at it objecetively because you're scared of break up.

Its better to break up now than have him leave you for someone else down the line.

Best of luck

RoseOz

I really feel for you OP - what a sh!tty situation to be put in :mad:

When you set the high emotions aside & look at the behavior in a logical mind frame - 2.5 yrs together and this is the treatment you get?
Where's the respect? Where's the love or compassion being shown for you?

In a healthy loving relationship between two adults - you don't deal with this crap. And I can say that as someone who's been on the receiving end of sh!t conduct and eventually forced myself to walk away - for my own stress levels & sanity!

I know how scary it is to be faced with being single again & 'starting from scratch' all over, but it can also lead to all sorts of wonderful adventures, a renewed sense of purpose in life & being open to new relationships without the blinkers on (after you've been burnt it's easier to spot the red flags early & decide what course to take rather than ignore them & hope for the best!).

I think deep down you know what the best course of action is to take from here but are feeling too scared to go ahead with it.......lets face it - can't really get any worse than the current treatment eh!

Princess Peach

purplejumper wrote: »

There's also the rather depressing question of who else would want me? I don't think anyone would be as good as he was to me before he called for a break

This is exactly how I felt! Probably why I kept taking my ex back. I had never had a boy treat me as well as he did, even now it hurts to remember how great he was towards me.

But it also hurts so much that he could change so fast and treat me as badly as he did then. I know now it was because he didn't really love me or respect me, how could you do this to someone you loved?

Its really hard for me not to be with him remembering the good times, but I am much better off alone than with him during the bad times. The feelings of not knowing whats going on with us, having someone you thought love you reject you so harshly, knowing you did nothing but care for him and he treats so bad are the worst feelings ever, and at least now I am rid of that. Don't expect that if you get back with him things will go right back to how they were and that this won't happen again.

A break up will be hard on you, but you'll get over it with time. Being strung along and never knowing whats going on with him, or him dumping you out of the blue whenever he feels like it is going to affect your feelings for as long as ye are together

*Lees*

Your situation reminds me so much of my last relationship OP! Thinking back now I was totally blinded by "Love", not sure how I could have truly loved him now when I think about the way he treated me and the crap he put me through at the end of our relationship.

Deep down I always knew I should end it, but like you insecurity held me back, I had been with him for 6 years at the end and all I could think of was loosing out on these 6 years and having to start allover again, but only if I had listened to my gut at 2 and a half years instead of kidding myself and wasting all those years!!
One thing I am appreciative of though is that I have learned so much about myself and what I really want. I have learned that being single is so much better than being with someone for the sake of not being alone. What RoseOz said above is true, becoming single again has really been an adventure for me! It was almost like this massive epiphany where I now know who I really am, and what I want from life(cringe! )

I have met some guys since the breakup and it's so easy now to say outright "nope, he's not for me.." and draw a line under it because I really do know what I want and I am happy to be single rather than waste anymore precious years trying to have a relationship!!
I just hope your not staying with him for fear of being single, I was exactly that way if I'm honest and things are so much better than what I thought!

Men will like you, there will be others! Best of luck... xx

neveah

I just want to echo the sentiments of the poster above. As I read through this thread I just got angrier and sadder as I realised there are so many similarities between your situation and my own experience in my last relationship. My ex asked for breaks but would keep in contact with me and then he would ignore me for days eventually getting back with me. Total mind games! Looking back he treated me appallingly and I let him. Trust me if he asks for a break once, he will ask for one again and this cycle of messing with your head will go on until he eventually decides that he doesn't want to be with you.

My ex also took money from me and after we eventually broke up I still pursued him for it as it was too much money to let go. Eventually it got to the point where I had to ask myself was it worth keeping in contact with him just to get my money back and I came to the conclusion that my sanity was priceless and worth far more than a few hundred euro! As it turns out my ex evetually contacted me and paid me back the money so now I have no ties with him and it's great. He has a new girlfriend now and has completely moved on with his life.

I won't lie to you the last year has been the worst in my life in many ways, heartbreak is an awful thing to go through and I really struggled to get over the relationship even though I had been treated so badly and it really wasn't a good relationship to be in, but
in many ways this last year has been fantastic as well, I've re-connected with friends, I ran in a marathon, I went to concerts, I went to a festival, I went on holidays, I went on weekends away, I had loads of fun nghts out with my friends. Being single can be a good thing! I've learnt a lot about myself in the last year, it's been a lot of ups and downs but I've come out the other side and what doesn't kill you will make you stronger.
Do not be afraid of being on your own and not finding anyone, you will find someone! I had all these doubts as well to the point where sometimes I drove myself mad. Have faith in yourself and don't let anybody anybody treat you badly. If I could go back and talk to myself 18 months ago I would say all the things above and I hope I would listen to me!

Your happiness is paramount, make sure you are in a situation where you are happy. If you are not, take yourself out of that situation as soon as possible. Short term pain is better than prolonged pain in the long term.

LegacyUser

Thanks a million guys, ye've all been pillars of strength!