Sensing that a guy a guy is attracted to you

LegacyUser

Hi Ladies!
I was talking to a few of my girlfriends today about how some women seem to be able to sense when a guy is attracted to them, I guess in the same way when you can tell a guy is checking you out. Have you ever had that sense that a guy is attracted to you? Is it usually correct? Have you ever acted on it?

Pebbles!

miss_interested wrote: »

Hi Ladies!
I was talking to a few of my girlfriends today about how some women seem to be able to sense when a guy is attracted to them, I guess in the same way when you can tell a guy is checking you out. Have you ever had that sense that a guy is attracted to you? Is it usually correct? Have you ever acted on it?

Yeah Definately, I think a woman always knows, well I normally do anyway! I think it's just got to do with your intuition an gut feeling. They can definately sense it alot quicker than men do. It took me weeks to get with my other half, I could just sense that there was "something", after we kissed He turned round to me and said... " I never thought you liked me in that way!!" I couldn't have been any more obivious! I think I knew he liked me before even he did!!!

But even with other men I think you can always tell, whether it's my gut telling me or not I don't know! Maybe some are more in tune to it that others but I'm nearly always right, same as knowing when a guy is not into you!!

La frog fairy

i do think we do have a gut feeling, or 6th sense, whatever you want to call it, however, I strongly believe there is a fine line between that feeling and wishful thinking.

For me now i tend to see by a guy's actions more than anything else, it then kind of confirms to me if im in lala land or if there is something.

Action speaks louder than words, so they say..;)

Catari Jaguar

Women are better communicators and naturally listen for tone inflections and look at facial expressions and body language. A simple thing like pupil dilation, slight flush of cheeks or a touch/eye contact that lasts even a half second longer than normal is a dead giveaway (to majority of females anyways - you could wear a sign around your neck reading "I FANCY YOU!" and most lads wouldn't get the hint).

barleybooley

I knew there was something different about the way the two guys that I was with were looking at me but I'm the type to not believe something until it actually happens. I acted accordingly when one told me that he was practically in love with me and had been for a while and when the other kissed me
My eyes are now peeled for anything like that now because I'm on the rebound in a major way

seenitall

La frog fairy wrote: »

I strongly believe there is a fine line between that feeling and wishful thinking.

+1

In fact, I am going through the confusion between "that feeling" and "wishful thinking" about someone just at the moment.

The thing about this is, IME, that the more I know someone and care about them as a person and not merely a "guy", the more convinced I will be the chemistry ("that feeling", "the atmosphere", "something"...) is all in my head - it's not just a matter of attraction any more, so this makes it more difficult to follow the gut feeling and act out of spontaneity.

While when it is more a matter of desire, things seem to be so much clearer, I can see exactly where things are heading (or not), and have no problem identifying "that feeling" and participating or initiating accordingly.

The difference between the two scenarios is, paradoxically, another type of "feeling".

Abi

Some women claim to not notice if a guy is attracted to them or actively flirting with them. I'm not sure how though. It doesn't matter whether a guy tries to hide it or not, there are too many give aways. As previously mentioned, its the eyes and body language. It's kinda amusing when they don't realise they're doing it. Us sneaky wimmins :pac:

Stench Blossoms

The boner in their pants!

rannerap

I'm really really bad at telling if someone has a thing for me, I'm worse than a guy!:(

baby and crumble

Sarannewrap wrote:

I'm really really bad at telling if someone has a thing for me, I'm worse than a guy!

Me too. The amount of trouble I've gotten into cos of it too... Not good. Not not good.

La frog fairy

seenitall wrote: »

While when it is more a matter of desire, things seem to be so much clearer, I can see exactly where things are heading (or not), and have no problem identifying "that feeling" and participating or initiating accordingly.

The difference between the two scenarios is, paradoxically, another type of "feeling".

ahah and sometimes it get short circuit and you lose your direction:p
for me, time to get new batteries cos my radar is out of order apparently..

i wasnt sure so just subtly mention getting drinks to a guy next time hes around here and just now got shot down gently:D, not badly, hes nice, but end result its no even tho its not said clearly.

didint die over, actually pretty proud of myself for having the guts to ask him, but the ego is bruised a bit;-)

Lesson is, if he was slithly interested it would have been yes or whatever so i still think whatever feelings we get to go for it, in my case it was clearly wishing thinking:o

Princess Peach

I used to always think I could sense when a guy liked me. The newest way is when the comment on your facebook a lot!

But none of them ever ask me out so I think I might be wrong in my thinkings

Mackleton

I agree that we have a special intuition for this, some are just more tuned into it than others. Personally the biggest give away for me is when you catch him looking at you when he thinks you can't see him.

Faith

I often think "Ooh I think he likes me", but I never actually trust myself enough to believe it. Self-consciousness kicks in and I think "Don't be ridiculous!" and I dismiss my thoughts that he was interested.

seenitall

La frog fairy wrote: »

ahah and sometimes it get short circuit and you lose your direction:p
for me, time to get new batteries cos my radar is out of order apparently..

i wasnt sure so just subtly mention getting drinks to a guy next time hes around here and just now got shot down gently:D, not badly, hes nice, but end result its no even tho its not said clearly.

didint die over, actually pretty proud of myself for having the guts to ask him, but the ego is bruised a bit;-)

Lesson is, if he was slithly interested it would have been yes or whatever so i still think whatever feelings we get to go for it, in my case it was clearly wishing thinking:o

You were right to make a move and right to be proud of yourself for doing it. Facing the possibility of rejection takes some courage. At least you know how things stand now, beats wondering for ages.

I'll take my inspiration from you... as soon as I gather the courage!

Wolfe Tone

Faith wrote: »

I often think "Ooh I think he likes me", but I never actually trust myself enough to believe it. Self-consciousness kicks in and I think "Don't be ridiculous!" and I dismiss my thoughts that he was interested.

Im the same, except with women. Always takes a mate to say it to me tbh.

Snowie

ummm the fact were talking to you and not our friends..

senordingdong

Stench Blossoms wrote: »

The boner in their pants!

Nah...I always have a boner.

La frog fairy

seenitall wrote: »

You were right to make a move and right to be proud of yourself for doing it. Facing the possibility of rejection takes some courage. At least you know how things stand now, beats wondering for ages.

I'll take my inspiration from you... as soon as I gather the courage!

haha thanks hope it works for you better than me:D

Ironicaly he sent me another message saying he would let me know about the drinks next time hes around but now i have little faith in it, probably a nice way to let me down gently. See, after all this the feelings we get, or at least for me is mixed up!

What happened when you do the first move on a gut feeling or whatever and you are left more confused is it then still wishful thinking that "maybe" theres something or simply being in denial of the obvious
Like a previous poster said, even when you spell it out loud to a guy they still dont get it, or do they? and just pretend they dont get it by ignoring it if they dont fancy you
Ahh this is all so confusing sometimes. It was my first time going for it and ask and now i think it might be my last time:o

pollypocket10

I think I always know too to be honest, I don't know HOW I know but maybe it is picking up on body language, tone etc subconsciously.

I think women are just good at that sort of thing. I think we are pretty good at using all those things to our advantage as well. Personally I think that the women who always get the man aren't the most attractive or intelligent or whatever, it's the ones who know how to hook them.

When I think back to the night I met my now OH, I came became the most interesting person in the room. I was animated, chatty, confident and it wasn't all directed at the oh either... had a group of guys fawning over me for most of the night. It wasn't even forced it was like a natural instinct took over. I became the second girl he ever brought home to meet the parents in less than a week

To put it in context I am usually very understated and happiest when sitting back observing the group rather than engaging in all the small talk.

I definitely think women have a little something when it comes to these things.

Wibbs

[interloping generalisation]

I'd agree that in general the ladies are better at this. Why? Well women's brains in general have more "white matter" in the frontal lobes and more connections therein, so are apparently better at picking up the little microgestures and the like in social situations. I've noted they're much better at this across the board, not just when it comes to attraction. They're much better at judging the "atmosphere" around them. You can have a bunch of people out of a night and the ladies may say "yer man's a bit creepy" and the guys are usually "wut? seems grand to us". Later on it often turns out the women were right.

IME while they're better at that, they're not as good at breaking it down into A+B=C type steps, that they could explain to a guy say. They just know like pollypocket10 describes (and you can't break it down into clear steps anyway. It's more fluid and organic than that). Men while worse at this stuff are better at being reductive about the bits they do pickup. If, of course they actually make the effort. Even then tend to get it only partly right.

Men tend to think in clear black and white steps. You see it a fair bit. A guy will ask other guys "well how do I know she's into me? What gestures will she make?" The replies will be along the lines of "oh if she touches her hair while pointing her shoulders at you and it's a crescent moon and she's wearing red... you're in" kinda thing. Almost a step by step, program that is running if-then-else-stuff. I think that's why the Pickup Artist stuff appeals to many men(who seek to understand stuff that throws them). They're tip top at the ABC details, but miss the whole. Wood for the trees syndrome.

Just subtly different approaches. That have advantages and disadvantages. The disadvantage with the "ladies" way? If you rely on gut too much, you can often miss major red flags, because the gut signals are overpowering the other signals. Or like has been noted, you can get into wishful thinking(though guys are as bad or worse for that if she touches her hair while pointing her shoulders at you and it's a crescent moon and she's wearing red... ). Disadvantage with the "Gentlemens" way? Too narrow a focus. Often misses the whole picture. EG guy I know, his GF's uncle died. Now the uncle was disliked by the family and his GF's ma. She got upset with him because he just couldnt see why she was upset. I mean she hated the uncle so as far as he was concerned it was cut and dried. He missed the fact that she was upset for her mother for losing her brother. Rookie mistake.

IMHO while we all lie along a curve between what may be considered "male" or "female" approaches, if you're too much one way or the other, it can be good to try the other way to get more balance. And it's very doable. So I dn't quite buy the brain differences thing, even if they're measurable. It's as much a learned behaviour I reckon. I tend to be very reductive(no shít sherlock :D), but only in text as it were. In RL I have learned to run much more on my "gut". Take in the whole picture. Look at the wood first then start working out the tree species. Takes practice, but now? Well on this topic I'd be pretty close to 95%* sure when a woman is interested in me(or anyone else). I'm better at understanding what is actually upsetting or exciting people too**. Way more than most of my male mates anyway.

[/interloping generalisation]




*me being reductive again :pac:

** contrary to what I hear a lot of men say that "women are hard to read", I have found men are harder to fathom a lot of the time. And I am one. So I do sympathise when I hear a woman say "what the hell is he thinking?".

Earthhorse

This is one area where I reckon the perceived gap between men and women is not as big as the reality. In my experience, the edge would slightly favour women, but not by much. A few women have incorrectly assumed I was attracted to women I was just being friendly too. It can take a little sometimes for people to think something's going on.

MissElle

miss_interested wrote: »

Hi Ladies!
I was talking to a few of my girlfriends today about how some women seem to be able to sense when a guy is attracted to them, I guess in the same way when you can tell a guy is checking you out. Have you ever had that sense that a guy is attracted to you? Is it usually correct? Have you ever acted on it?

I used to never act on it, I always thought I was stupid or imagining it! But one time I really thought I sensed something between me and a guy my friend had introduced me to. After I had quizzed my friend on him I decided to add him on fb and see what happened. We exchanged numbers and I asked him to go for coffee (I was sooo nervous about just asking him lol).

Eight months later and we're still together He told me later that he had liked me straight away when we first met, so I'm glad I went with my instinct and acted on it

elleburp

Snow-Monkey wrote: »

ummm the fact were talking to you and not our friends..

Add to that, the fact he's never really spoken much to you before and the fact that he's telling you that he broke up with his girlfriend....
cue; kissing time :cool:

I love that moment when I realise a guy has the hots for me

starlit

If I play it cool, ya I can tell if a guy is attracted to me and sense it moreso when chatting to him and how well we click. If he asks for my number or asks things about me whether he is asking me or asking my friends then ya I guess I do sense a guy is attracted to me but obviously I won't really know a 100% unless he makes a move or makes some kind of signal to me! I need a bit of direction and become oblivious sometimes. Likely need to be given some kind of signal or an actual sign on his head to state he is attracted to me! The dance floor is a good indicator for me how attracted he is too me!

Misticles

I'm trying to suss if my housemate fancies me :P

So far unsuccesful attempts ha


tips please

Ebbs

Earthhorse wrote: »

This is one area where I reckon the perceived gap between men and women is not as big as the reality. In my experience, the edge would slightly favour women, but not by much. A few women have incorrectly assumed I was attracted to women I was just being friendly too. It can take a little sometimes for people to think something's going on.

Tbh, I think men and women are the exact same in their ability to perceive if someone likes them/their friend et el. What I think people sometimes think of as "perception" is instead just the differences between men and women in terms of showing signs of lust.

Men are remarkably obvious, while women are a lot more discrete.

I am a friend

I dont agree.... I think more men over estimate any conversation you have with them. If you giggle or move your hair they often come to the conclusion that you are coming on to them cos they read 'the signs' in GQ magazine 6 months ago. Women are much better at sussing it out but only if they have the confidence to believe they are attractive to men....

elleburp

Misticles wrote: »

I'm trying to suss if my housemate fancies me :P

So far unsuccesful attempts ha


tips please

Stop trying?


An ex housemate fancied me, tried it on (despite my polite signals that I wasn't interested) and it finally freaked me out so much I moved out. I loved living there up to that point. Ah well

Nulty

Mackleton wrote: »

I agree that we have a special intuition for this, some are just more tuned into it than others. Personally the biggest give away for me is when you catch him looking at you when he thinks you can't see him.

This works in reverse too though right? Cause if it does....I'm IN!

Snowie

elleburp wrote: »

Add to that, the fact he's never really spoken much to you before and the fact that he's telling you that he broke up with his girlfriend....
cue; kissing time :cool:

I love that moment when I realise a guy has the hots for me

Ive never mentioned to a girl an xgf i dont there no point for silly things like that

Pembily

I rarely know - can be a bit blind to it!!! The fact a guy is talking to me is not much different I go ut with guys a lot so just cause a guy is talking to me doesn't mean I assume they have the hots for me - when you assume you make an ass out of you and me :P

Probably is the self confidence thing Faith mentioned :rolleyes::eek:

Misticles

Pembily wrote: »

I rarely know - can be a bit blind to it!!! The fact a guy is talking to me is not much different I go ut with guys a lot so just cause a guy is talking to me doesn't mean I assume they have the hots for me - when you assume you make an ass out of you and me :P

Probably is the self confidencet thing Faith mentioned :rolleyes::eek:

That's a guddin

panda100

I really disagree that women are generally better at knowing when someone is attracted to them. I think its all to do with setting. Its easy to know that someones into you when your in a pub or club.where generally women get hit on more. However, I think outside the pub its a bit more difficult to suss out who fancies you or not. I think maybe its an Irish thing, we're not very good flirting minus the alcohol!

I have a huge crush on this guy at the moment, just got to know him over the last two months and I am just clueless to whether he may like me or not. I wish I could read his mind

elleburp

Snow-Monkey wrote: »

Ive never mentioned to a girl an xgf i dont there no point for silly things like that

He was trying to let me know that he was single

calibelle

Couple of years ago I met this fella through work, oh he was like my perfect man wandered out of my imagination....tall,dark hair, great smile, chatty and just all round yummy! We saw each other fairly often over a few months as he kept turning up in the shop I was managing at the time for really random things, one day he came in with a girl and I was gutted but an hour later he came back alone and made a big deal about telling me it was his sister an had no girlfriend to be buying Christmas pressies for......I was leaving the company that day and didn't mention it and it wasn't until I was on the way home I realised he liked me!!!! Too late then though!!!!
The worst thing was he'd given me his mobile no a couple of weeks earlier in case I needed it for anything and I still didn't think to text him on the pretence of saying goodbye. Duh!!!!

So the moral of my story is if ya like someone let them know or it'll be too late.....sigh!!!

Elle Collins

I don't know how good other women are at sensing this but I always know. I think though that it may have less to do with how skilled women are at picking up on it and more to do with how crap men are at hiding it!

Giselle

I can never tell that someone is attracted to me. I always just assume they're being friendly.

I'm usually told by a third party, and I'm usually amazed.:)

Sardonicat

Giselle wrote: »

I can never tell that someone is attracted to me. I always just assume they're being friendly.

I'm usually told by a third party, and I'm usually amazed.:)

Me two.

Always think I'm being pretty obvious when I fancy someone but apparently what I think is coming across as idiotic shyness (all blushy, blushy, cannot speak english anymore) comes across as ice maiden.

So, you never can really tell for sure.

calibelle

calibelle wrote: »

So the moral of my story is if ya like someone let them know or it'll be too late.....sigh!!!

Ages ago (over a year and a half ago) I introduced myself to an incredibly hot lady that I am / was savagely attracted to in a nightclub, she completely ignored me which was a bit of a sh1tter. Recently got talking to her briefly in another nightclub, she was there in a big enough group, one of the men was her Dad :eek: I told her I was absolutely disgusted that he was her Dad, she asked why, I said that I couldn't chat her up in front of her Dad, I thought that was a fairly subtle way of letting her know I was interested without making a total spa of myself (she did ignore me completely ages ago). Anyway, f all happened after that so I now reckon she isn't remotely interested in RJ At least I know (cry)

Pentecost

Saw this thread on the front page and tbh it's enlightening. I'm not a total naïf as regards girls nor are my friends but even when we swap notes as it were we have no more an idea than ye do. "I think there could be something there. Could be wrong though ." We're not really subtle creatures, especially with alco-mohal on board, if we find you attractive there should be plenty of physical contact of one sort or another,even the shy lads, particularly as the Dutch courage sets in, little things like the hand on the arm or shoulder frequently.