Tired of waiting.

MultiUmm

I'm a 16 year old guy and I'm out to a fair few people already, although it's still not general knowledge to most people at my school.

I look around and everyone seems to be going off and getting into relationships with other people, or if not that just casually meeting (shifting, whatever you want to call it :pac:) people. And I'm left sitting there twiddling my thumbs looking on enviously at people who can do all this regular teenage stuff. :rolleyes:
Did anyone else ever get the impression that being gay is .. boring, when you're younger? I have sweet fúck all chance of having a boyfriend or meeting any guy 'till I'm finished school, and I'll be 19 by then. That's another 3 guyless years.

I know it's not much to complain about, I really have been very lucky in a lot of ways seeing as everyone I came out to or who found out were all grand about it. I'm just really impatient about having to wait for so long to do anything with a guy, when it's so easily available for my friends and what seems like almost everyone else.

I suppose I'm ranting more so than asking a question now. :pac: If I was asking a question, I guess it would be how did you not let it get to you when seemingly all your friends were becoming right players with the opposite sex and you were like a stodgy priest compared to them? Or maybe I'm just shíte at attracting people. I sincerely hope not ..

Apologies for the long post, to summarise it: how did you wait out the boredom and frustration of having no hope of doing anything with a guy/girl when all your friends were going off with people?

LegacyUser

I remember being in your shoes man. All I can say is that ost people your age havn't considered coming out yet, the best way ya'll find a bf for now is the internet. I missed out on my teenage years aswell, but dont let it get to you, you got so may years ahead to make up for lost time

LGiamani

MultiUmm wrote: »

I'm a 16 year old guy and I'm out to a fair few people already, although it's still not general knowledge to most people at my school.

I look around and everyone seems to be going off and getting into relationships with other people, or if not that just casually meeting (shifting, whatever you want to call it :pac:) people. And I'm left sitting there twiddling my thumbs looking on enviously at people who can do all this regular teenage stuff. :rolleyes:
Did anyone else ever get the impression that being gay is .. boring, when you're younger? I have sweet fúck all chance of having a boyfriend or meeting any guy 'till I'm finished school, and I'll be 19 by then. That's another 3 guyless years.

I know it's not much to complain about, I really have been very lucky in a lot of ways seeing as everyone I came out to or who found out were all grand about it. I'm just really impatient about having to wait for so long to do anything with a guy, when it's so easily available for my friends and what seems like almost everyone else.

I suppose I'm ranting more so than asking a question now. :pac: If I was asking a question, I guess it would be how did you not let it get to you when seemingly all your friends were becoming right players with the opposite sex and you were like a stodgy priest compared to them? Or maybe I'm just shíte at attracting people. I sincerely hope not ..

Apologies for the long post, to summarise it: how did you wait out the boredom and frustration of having no hope of doing anything with a guy/girl when all your friends were going off with people?

I pretty sure you will meet someone you are a a minority so you need to look for a network of people in the same boat. Have a look at Belongto.org and you will meet like minded people. The best course to take is to get to know people before taking things to a new level. You will not regret this. You're sixteen yrs old and for another sixteen years you are going to need to meet some people that will be friends for life and people who are great to hang with but are complete wild cats good luck

Annasopra

yes - join BelongTo

Chuchoter

I was literally about to post a thread about this. I'm 17 and I'm a lesbian, and since circumstances with my family mean I can't join BelongTo, I basically can't go out with anyone until I'm 19 and in college. I'm so sick of my friends going on about their boyfriends, and then I see my lone lesbian acquaintance (not going to call her a friend because I spoke to her once :P) on Facebook talking about her wonderful girlfriend. Its incredibly frustrating, not to mention fairly depressing. Being gay and a teenager is a bit like living in a waiting room.

Rick_

You don't have to be a teen to feel like this, plenty of other people, for one reason or another, feel alone and long for someone, just like you do, gay and straight from 16 to 60, maybe beyond!

I admit it can be hard at 16, and probably a bit less when you hit 18, but when I was 16, we had just got the internet in and I was chatting to people in teen chat rooms and the likes and found a surprising number of people who were in the same boat as me and some who were even local enough to me, one was even at the same school as me and it turned out we actually sat beside each other in one class (although I didn't find this out until I had left school).

Once you are the legal age, (and I'm also quite sure plenty of other guys/girls are up to the following before they reach it), there's nothing stopping you from chatting to other guys/girls online on gay teen websites and seeing what happens from there, be they online friends you make or guys you choose to meet up with for other reasons, just as long as you are safe and sure they are genuine. It doesn't have to be the long, drawn out celibate process you imagine it to be.

Oh, and having a partner certainly isn't the be all and end all of everything. You'll learn that once you have one.

baby and crumble

Ah, c'mon kiddies, just do what the rest of us did at 16, pine for your best friend, listen to Ani Difranco on loop and write forlorn poetry to air your angst to the world!! :P:P:P

That or join BelongTo. From what I've heard it's great.

Also, to be fair if you're not out at school, you can imagine there are other that aren't either. Straight people have it easy to some degree, in that oh look, it's a girl and i'm a guy. queue snogging. (is it still called snogging?????) But the internet is your friend. Just be really, really REALLY careful.

Chuchoter

zoegh wrote: »

Ah, c'mon kiddies, just do what the rest of us did at 16, pine for your best friend, listen to Ani Difranco on loop and write forlorn poetry to air your angst to the world!! :P:P:P

That was exactly, down to a T, what I did when I was 16 last year. I could show you the 50 pages of "Why doesn't she like me? Why does she have to be straight?" in fancy poetry language :P

MultiUmm

crayolastereo wrote: »

I was literally about to post a thread about this. I'm 17 and I'm a lesbian, and since circumstances with my family mean I can't join BelongTo, I basically can't go out with anyone until I'm 19 and in college. I'm so sick of my friends going on about their boyfriends, and then I see my lone lesbian acquaintance (not going to call her a friend because I spoke to her once :P) on Facebook talking about her wonderful girlfriend. Its incredibly frustrating, not to mention fairly depressing. Being gay and a teenager is a bit like living in a waiting room.

Yep, that's pretty much exactly the same situation I'm in. I've had people tell me I was "lucky" that I couldn't get into any form of a relationship because they're "too much work". :pac: This coming from people who'd be going out with someone a month later! :rolleyes:

BelongTo isn't really an option for me either I'm afraid.

@ Paddy C, I know I'm not the only one in this situation, sure half the threads on this forum are about feeling alone and having nobody, only difference is varying ages. :pac:
2 or 3 years seems a lot longer then it actually is as well I think, thinking back on it I felt the exact same way when I was 13/14, although back then I hadn't really told anybody I was gay.
It's just really really frustrating when you've been waiting for years to do practically anything with a guy, you come out and seeing as it's not a big secret any more you're left with this kind of blank slate and you're just waiting there saying to yourself well, what now?

Blah, that last part made more sense in my head but I think you can get the gist of it. :P

MultiUmm

zoegh wrote: »

Ah, c'mon kiddies, just do what the rest of us did at 16, pine for your best friend, listen to Ani Difranco on loop and write forlorn poetry to air your angst to the world!! :P:P:P

That or join BelongTo. From what I've heard it's great.

Also, to be fair if you're not out at school, you can imagine there are other that aren't either. Straight people have it easy to some degree, in that oh look, it's a girl and i'm a guy. queue snogging. (is it still called snogging?????) But the internet is your friend. Just be really, really REALLY careful.

If I had a best friend worth pining for then maybe ... :P And poetry?!?! :eek: There's enough of that crap in the leaving without adding our own woeful lot to the mix.

I have to admit I am fairly envious of my friends who are straight. It all seems straightforward enough for them (no pun intended :pac:) and they don't really realise it. I suppose I'd be the same if I was in their position, not all frustrated and annoyed at the plight of celibate LGBT youth ... :P

Ftr, nobody I know says snogging that often. :pac:

Rick_

It will happen when it happens, don't force it on yourself and give yourself lots of pressure, but also don't sit back and do nothing and expect it all to be done for you.

There is a gay chat/dating website called LadsLads that is for guys aged 16+ and there are plenty of Irish guys on it although the majority are UK guys. Maybe joingin there and trying to contact other guys around your age for a chat might help, maybe if some are close enough and you end up getting alone, somewhere down the line you could suggest meeting up just as mates and of course, if you want to take it further than that it's up to you.

As far as the experience thing goes, don't worry too much about it, I'd rather date a guy who maybe hasn't had much experience and can be shown things or new things can be tried together, makes it a bit more special than going with a rid out skank who has had half of the Irish gay population in his knickers at some point.

PS - I would say snogging myself, but I believe 'shifting' is the term these days used by the teens, and also 'facing' as well, but it might be more of a Northern thing whereas 'shfting' is a Southern thing.

Chuchoter

MultiUmm wrote: »

Yep, that's pretty much exactly the same situation I'm in. I've had people tell me I was "lucky" that I couldn't get into any form of a relationship because they're "too much work". :pac: This coming from people who'd be going out with someone a month later! :rolleyes:

BelongTo isn't really an option for me either I'm afraid.

@ Paddy C, I know I'm not the only one in this situation, sure half the threads on this forum are about feeling alone and having nobody, only difference is varying ages. :pac:
2 or 3 years seems a lot longer then it actually is as well I think, thinking back on it I felt the exact same way when I was 13/14, although back then I hadn't really told anybody I was gay.
It's just really really frustrating when you've been waiting for years to do practically anything with a guy, you come out and seeing as it's not a big secret any more you're left with this kind of blank slate and you're just waiting there saying to yourself well, what now?

Blah, that last part made more sense in my head but I think you can get the gist of it. :P

I completely get what you're talking about. The coming out was like, well that was the worst thing I'll ever have to do in my life, but at least I can go out with girls now! NO YOU CAN'T!!:eek: And you're just left with the fact that there was absolutely no benefit to coming out and you would have been happier not having come out at all. Argh.

I just feel like I'm completely wasting my teenage years-they're supposed to be all first romance and partying and having fun and I'm just here 'When will this be over?'. Then you have idiot straight friends going I'm so alone! I can't go out with anyone! THERE ARE STRAIGHT BOYS EVERYWHERE FOR YOU!SHUT UP! Oh the angst!

I've looked at the internet thing before, but basically due to the enormous shortage of girls on the internet it can be a bit pointless Maybe I'm just looking in the wrong places though.

Annasopra

MultiUmm wrote: »

BelongTo isn't really an option for me either I'm afraid.

why not?

baby and crumble

I just feel like I'm completely wasting my teenage years-they're supposed to be all first romance and partying and having fun and I'm just here 'When will this be over?'.

i hate to burst your bubble there, but most people hate their teenage years. Not everyone goes around scoring. Not everyone wants to.

Also, having some of your first romances a bit more grown up with a more sensible head on your shoulders can sometimes be a good thing. You're less likely to get totally played.

MultiUmm

Paddy C wrote: »

As far as the experience thing goes, don't worry too much about it, I'd rather date a guy who maybe hasn't had much experience and can be shown things or new things can be tried together, makes it a bit more special than going with a rid out skank who has had half of the Irish gay population in his knickers at some point.

PS - I would say snogging myself, but I believe 'shifting' is the term these days used by the teens, and also 'facing' as well, but it might be more of a Northern thing whereas 'shfting' is a Southern thing.

Glad to know I won't need to be an expert then. Thanks for your advice though.
On the whole shifting topic, we call it meeting down here. Then again we do most things differently in Cork ... :P

Johnnymcg wrote: »

why not?

It's due to family reasons related to my dad. I won't go into it but it makes BelongTo a ruled out option for me.

Chuchoter

Tbh BelongTo often causes a lot more problems than its worth.

MultiUmm

crayolastereo wrote: »

Tbh BelongTo often causes a lot more problems than its worth.

Such as? :P

Chuchoter

MultiUmm wrote: »

Such as? :P

Well first and foremost its really obvious you're somewhere you're not supposed to be, because you go at the same time every week and come back at the same time. And some of the groups are on like a Thursday. Who the hell goes anywhere on a Thursday? (Maybe I'm the only person who thinks its a suspicious day :P)

The other problem I have is with, I don't know their ideology or attitude or something. They never talk about coming out, never talk about society or anything like that. The image it gives you, as a young persons first image of being a gay person in Ireland, is that everything is amazing and nothing bad could ever happen to you ever. I know several people who have made really, really dumb decisions based on B2s advice that resulted in them being outed, because they had this weird skewed idea of things.

MultiUmm

crayolastereo wrote: »

Well first and foremost its really obvious you're somewhere you're not supposed to be, because you go at the same time every week and come back at the same time. And some of the groups are on like a Thursday. Who the hell goes anywhere on a Thursday? (Maybe I'm the only person who thinks its a suspicious day :P)

The other problem I have is with, I don't know their ideology or attitude or something. They never talk about coming out, never talk about society or anything like that. The image it gives you, as a young persons first image of being a gay person in Ireland, is that everything is amazing and nothing bad could ever happen to you ever. I know several people who have made really, really dumb decisions based on B2s advice that resulted in them being outed, because they had this weird skewed idea of things.

Well, it is just a tad paranoid sounding .. -cough-LUNATIC-cough- :P:P

That last part sounds more than a bit off putting. It could've been the group you went to was just like that, who knows. Or maybe it's like that nationwide. Either way I can't really go so it's a pointless discussion really. :pac:

I think this is somewhat on topic, but if it counts for anything I haven't been "waiting" completely since I came out. I had my first experience with a guy a few weeks ago and it ended .. badly. Lots of awkwardness for a while. I dream of the day where I'll have an experience that won't be incredibly awkward afterwards. :pac:

ninty9er

I had a number of what could have been awkward endings with girls before I figured out I was gay...it's not specific gays, though i have had 2 of the same possibly awkward endings with guys.

It's easy to say, but awkwardness stews, don't let it be awkward without good reason, take control.

The waiting doesn't stop just because you get older either, trust me on that

I've just found a really nice guy who is unfortunately taken:( So back to square 1.

MultiUmm

ninty9er wrote: »

I had a number of what could have been awkward endings with girls before I figured out I was gay...it's not specific gays, though i have had 2 of the same possibly awkward endings with guys.

It's easy to say, but awkwardness stews, don't let it be awkward without good reason, take control.

The waiting doesn't stop just because you get older either, trust me on that

I've just found a really nice guy who is unfortunately taken:( So back to square 1.

It's alright again with him again actually, so no harm done thank god. If it's mentioned he does get all iffy. He was more than up for it at the time so meh.

And well, that sounds plain shíte tbh, feck all sexualities, asexuality is clearly the way to go then, lol! :pac:
I'm sure you'll manage to find someone in the end though, sure don't we all? ..

azezil

Oh for crying out loud, you're 16!! At your age I hadn't kissed man woman nor beast. I didn't even try till I was late into my 22nd year. Theres plenty more to life than going out and "meeting" people. Go find a hobby or a part time job ffs :rolleyes:

azezil

crayolastereo wrote: »

Well first and foremost its really obvious you're somewhere you're not supposed to be, because you go at the same time every week and come back at the same time. And some of the groups are on like a Thursday. Who the hell goes anywhere on a Thursday? (Maybe I'm the only person who thinks its a suspicious day :P)

The other problem I have is with, I don't know their ideology or attitude or something. They never talk about coming out, never talk about society or anything like that. The image it gives you, as a young persons first image of being a gay person in Ireland, is that everything is amazing and nothing bad could ever happen to you ever. I know several people who have made really, really dumb decisions based on B2s advice that resulted in them being outed, because they had this weird skewed idea of things.

Yes, how very dare they encourage people to be themselves and not be ashamed of who they are, to promote the idea that being homosexual is not sick wrong or unnatural... o_Ó

Chuchoter

azezil wrote: »

Yes, how very dare they encourage people to be themselves and not be ashamed of who they are, to promote the idea that being homosexual is not sick wrong or unnatural... o_Ó

I'm not saying that at all, but being gay and in school is hard. Its stupid to say its not hard. For example I had one friend, who went from being really, really in the closet (with good reason, he was in a really tough all boys school) to being in Pride. He became incredibly flamboyant (which totally wasn't him) and basically outed himself, but one of his friends in town the day of Pride saw him, and he was basically ****ed.

Myself? The stories I heard from the other kids there (obviously all people from really accepting families, I didn't know this) fed me all these stories about their brilliant coming outs, not a word about anything bad that could happen. I was miserable, wanted to believe what they were saying and came out at the wrong time, too young, and it has seriously screwed up the way my my life is now. My best friend outed me to other people, my family acted like I had murdered their daughter, it was generally ****. Had BelongTo not been in the picture, I would have waited until I was 19/20 (my original plan) and it would have been ten times better.

I am not saying being gay is a universally terrible experience. BelongTo do amazing work and I accept that, but they do not give the whole story to a group of people who are vulnerable and desperate for someone to tell them everything is OK. Everything is not OK. You can't go round telling people everything is amazing without mentioning that things could also go wrong. Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.

LGiamani

You are 16 boy you have all the time in the world.

Coeurdepirate

3 of my best friends all of whom are straight girls have had more homosexual experiences than me. Depressing much?
Seriously though, I know what you mean. Like, could you imagine all of the gays going to discos at 13/14 and all of us 'getting our first shift'? The thought is hilarious, yet it's normal for straight people

MultiUmm

azezil wrote: »

Oh for crying out loud, you're 16!! At your age I hadn't kissed man woman nor beast. I didn't even try till I was late into my 22nd year. Theres plenty more to life than going out and "meeting" people. Go find a hobby or a part time job ffs :rolleyes:

Almost the exact words of my brother there. :pac:

Chuchoter

We could always try tagged I suppose...the only thing is I'm kind of worried that even when I have the chance to get out and meet people no-one will go out with me. All the gay people I know/know of through facebook etc are way,way cooler than I am.

DS333

MultiUmm wrote: »

I'm a 16 year old guy and I'm out to a fair few people already, although it's still not general knowledge to most people at my school.

I look around and everyone seems to be going off and getting into relationships with other people, or if not that just casually meeting (shifting, whatever you want to call it :pac:) people. And I'm left sitting there twiddling my thumbs looking on enviously at people who can do all this regular teenage stuff. :rolleyes:
Did anyone else ever get the impression that being gay is .. boring, when you're younger? I have sweet fúck all chance of having a boyfriend or meeting any guy 'till I'm finished school, and I'll be 19 by then. That's another 3 guyless years.

I know it's not much to complain about, I really have been very lucky in a lot of ways seeing as everyone I came out to or who found out were all grand about it. I'm just really impatient about having to wait for so long to do anything with a guy, when it's so easily available for my friends and what seems like almost everyone else.

I suppose I'm ranting more so than asking a question now. :pac: If I was asking a question, I guess it would be how did you not let it get to you when seemingly all your friends were becoming right players with the opposite sex and you were like a stodgy priest compared to them? Or maybe I'm just shíte at attracting people. I sincerely hope not ..

Apologies for the long post, to summarise it: how did you wait out the boredom and frustration of having no hope of doing anything with a guy/girl when all your friends were going off with people?

I don't even know if I should say this. Fortunately nobody can see me blush from head to toe.

In my defence, I was born in 1960 to two Popes - they were that Catholic. My God, did the things they said about "Them" mess me up.

But, to get to the point and put things in a skewed perspective for you... I kissed and had sex for the first time when I was 44!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:mad:

At least I can say it was the most wonderful experience ever. And he, who had been having his way with other guys since he was 17, thought my confession was sweet. I expected him to bolt for the Himalayas.

Now... You're 16, with hormones raging through your system, but you've a whole lifetime ahead of you. Don't dive in the shallow end of the pool. Don't wait almost half a century either.:):)

God, if I could go back in time though...

You're making me jealous!

rochey84

On the subject of BeLongTo, your experiencese are all limited to those of other people and their situations, BeLongTo do offer advice and support to each of the cases presented in front of them, they do not under any circumstances paint a rosey picture for everyone but the majority of their cases are positive, I think that you're experience might have been different had you spoken to them yourself. They also advocate that coming out is a very personal experience and no one but you can decide when to do it, so to blame them for what you might see as mistakes you made is totally unfair!

But to get back on topic, I agree with everyone else here, you're both very young and things will get easier as you get on, I personally work in a real boys club and just finished a discussion with 1 of the supervisors about another member of staff's out and out homophobic behaviour and where it would have bothered me and made me feel uncomfortable years ago, I don't mind, I just don't care he is ignorant, if he is willing to risk his job over stupid jokes that will 1 day offend someone thats his choice!

crayolastereo wrote: »

I'm not saying that at all, but being gay and in school is hard. Its stupid to say its not hard. For example I had one friend, who went from being really, really in the closet (with good reason, he was in a really tough all boys school) to being in Pride. He became incredibly flamboyant (which totally wasn't him) and basically outed himself, but one of his friends in town the day of Pride saw him, and he was basically ****ed.

Myself? The stories I heard from the other kids there (obviously all people from really accepting families, I didn't know this) fed me all these stories about their brilliant coming outs, not a word about anything bad that could happen. I was miserable, wanted to believe what they were saying and came out at the wrong time, too young, and it has seriously screwed up the way my my life is now. My best friend outed me to other people, my family acted like I had murdered their daughter, it was generally ****. Had BelongTo not been in the picture, I would have waited until I was 19/20 (my original plan) and it would have been ten times better.

I am not saying being gay is a universally terrible experience. BelongTo do amazing work and I accept that, but they do not give the whole story to a group of people who are vulnerable and desperate for someone to tell them everything is OK. Everything is not OK. You can't go round telling people everything is amazing without mentioning that things could also go wrong. Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.

wonderfulname

Crayola your in 6th year aren't you? Your sorted next year!

But to both of you, everyone goes through feeling like that, or at least in my experience, you don't know when things will flip around completely, and again in my experience with how liberal the country has gotten that should be a hell of a lot sooner than you think.

And as for gettin' the shift in teenage discos, I'm pretty sure I did that... I'm also pretty sure I caused a few brawls for it but anyway, those were funny days.

Chuchoter

5th year So I'll be 19 in college. HOWEVER, I think the girl who sits next to me in Irish is also gay, so I've gone crazy Facebook stalker trying to find out :P

Also at Rochey84, I'm not really going to argue with you about it. Maybe I wasn't there long enough, maybe I'm just incredibly unusual or naive, but my impression of how the world worked from B2 was nothing like real life and I felt lied to.

rochey84

Thats fair enought crayolastereo, I wasn't having a go, just the picture I got was that you were basing your opinion on other peoples experience I wasn't aware that you had gone and spoken to them, I hope I didn't offend as that wasn't my intention, it is your feelings that matter and if you feel that you were lied to then that is totally valid, I apologise again!

SparkyTech

I think everyone, straight or gay, goes through phases of their life when they feel isolated, lonely or a bit out of the social loop, or sick of waiting on a relationship. I remember the feeling of resentment coming to fore at my 6th year ''graduation disco'' where all the straight couples were having a free for all last smooch before setting off into the Uni sunlight and I was left in a corner sipping a pint all by myself with thought of Bonny Tyler's total eclipse video to contend with. Needless to say after 12 I saunterd on out of the venue over to the george and had my own smooch out of sheer frustration at my straight peers (can't remember the guys name to this day, bless.)

Secondary school is killer enough if you don't have a conducive atmosphere to safely come out in. It doesn't necessarily get easier in college though. I have gay friends and am openly but because of the limited availability of groups/social outlets for the gay community in Dublin bar Belong2 or Outhouse, Ive yet to meet anyone I could form a relationship with yet. The people in my LGBT soc are lovely but because of my work hours I don't have time to go to events when they are on. I know im only 20 and it'll happen at some point in time but it does irk me sometimes. Some days all you want to do is bleat out your heart to the other half on the opposite end of the phone-line and feel loved when your own friends don't cut it!

Rick_

SparkyTech wrote: »

I think everyone, straight or gay, goes through phases of their life when they feel isolated, lonely or a bit out of the social loop, or sick of waiting on a relationship.

PHASES?! I'm still having mine, it started around the time I realised I was gay (12) and still continues to this day (26)!

Chuchoter

rochey84 wrote: »

Thats fair enought crayolastereo, I wasn't having a go, just the picture I got was that you were basing your opinion on other peoples experience I wasn't aware that you had gone and spoken to them, I hope I didn't offend as that wasn't my intention, it is your feelings that matter and if you feel that you were lied to then that is totally valid, I apologise again!

Hey listen no bother, I can see how it might have looked like I was giving some 'my aunts friends uncles postman's dog said that' story :P :P

@paddyC, shush you, I need to believe stuff will be better by the time I'm 26! :P:D In reality I'll probably be so tired and overworked I'll never set foot out into a social life again :P