What is the thing that a guy or your bf etc.. can ask

caseyann

What is that one thing that it would make you feel special smallest thing for you ,your bf/husband to ask to make you feel like their interested and you are special?

If you havent got a bf gf what would you like him/her to ask?

p.s guys can answer this question about their bf or gf or girls about their gf aswell

Nervous Wreck

..... What?

caseyann

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

..... What?

Like how was your day.

rannerap

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

..... What?

Im equally as confused

Princess Peach

All I ever wanted from my last boyfriend was for him to ask how I was or how my day was going. We would just text on days when we didn't see each other, but overall it was just chatty nonsense if you get me, which I loved, but sometimes I would have liked to talk about how I was doing on the day. He never seemed interested in my feelings really. I always asked him and he would answer with something stupid, cause he didn't want to talk about his own feelings. And if I started to talk about me, he would change the subject or stop texting back.

So I would honestly just like a boyfriend to ask how I was, and if I wasn't doing great that day, to maybe listen a little bit. I don't think its much to ask but it obviously was for him.

Rant over!

caseyann

Princess Peach wrote: »

All I ever wanted from my last boyfriend was for him to ask how I was or how my day was going. We would just text on days when we didn't see each other, but overall it was just chatty nonsense if you get me, which I loved, but sometimes I would have liked to talk about how I was doing on the day. He never seemed interested in my feelings really. I always asked him and he would answer with something stupid, cause he didn't want to talk about his own feelings. And if I started to talk about me, he would change the subject or stop texting back.

So I would honestly just like a boyfriend to ask how I was, and if I wasn't doing great that day, to maybe listen a little bit. I don't think its much to ask but it obviously was for him.

Rant over!

Like he hears you but not really hears you.I hear you girl.
Got the same thing.

mayflyatr

I would be more concerned about the up and coming budget :eek:

caseyann

mayflyatr wrote: »

I would be more concerned about the up and coming budget :eek:

AH same thing cant change it just got to suck it up and accept it

mayflyatr

At least there's no pension levy.

michael999999

hows your mother for spuds??

Novella

I like it when you mention something fleetingly in a conversation, something you like or are interested in or whatever and someone notices and brings it up in conversation again another time - makes me feel that they really listen and genuinely care.

Doesn't have to be a boyfriend though, I like when anyone does that.

Princess Peach

caseyann wrote: »

Like he hears you but not really hears you.I hear you girl.
Got the same thing.

It was that he loved to talk about good things, but could never handle anything bad. If we were both in a good mood we could talk all day, but if either of us were in a bad mood, he would have none of it. You need to take the good and the bad in a relationship. I'm not saying I wanted him to be my councilor, I just would have liked a bit of compassion, and I would have liked to have helped him when he was in a bad mood.

I really need to stop talking about him!

caseyann

Princess Peach wrote: »

It was that he loved to talk about good things, but could never handle anything bad. If we were both in a good mood we could talk all day, but if either of us were in a bad mood, he would have none of it. You need to take the good and the bad in a relationship. I'm not saying I wanted him to be my councilor, I just would have liked a bit of compassion, and I would have liked to have helped him when he was in a bad mood.

I really need to stop talking about him!

God you sound like my twin,i know what you mean why cant it be get it off your chest,rather then the guy thinking you want them to fix it.

jam_mac_jam

Do you want tea?

caseyann

jam_mac_jam wrote: »

Do you want tea?

He would be the king for that

Wibbs

OK folks, lads and lasses, caseyann was looking for a somewhat serious discussion on this, so lets all keep to that angle as much as possible. TL;DR stop flirting, you know who you are

jam_mac_jam

caseyann wrote: »

He would be the king for that

Its my favourite.

Asphyxia

When it gets to the serious mark the only thing I ever wanted any of boyfriends to do was to initiate a nice conversation about the relationship and talk about how we are doing, where it was going, the future, any worries they had on their mind.

I am just happy because I have a guy who likes to talk about "us" it does make me feel special because it shows me that he cares enough about the relationship to want to talk about it

Feeona

jam_mac_jam wrote: »

Do you want tea?

Will I bring you a cup of tea (in bed)?

What would you like to do next week?

How did you get on today?


He's gone away for the weekend and I'm missing him already . I'm a sap

RacoonQueen

Princess Peach wrote: »

All I ever wanted from my last boyfriend was for him to ask how I was or how my day was going. We would just text on days when we didn't see each other, but overall it was just chatty nonsense if you get me, which I loved, but sometimes I would have liked to talk about how I was doing on the day. He never seemed interested in my feelings really. I always asked him and he would answer with something stupid, cause he didn't want to talk about his own feelings. And if I started to talk about me, he would change the subject or stop texting back.

So I would honestly just like a boyfriend to ask how I was, and if I wasn't doing great that day, to maybe listen a little bit. I don't think its much to ask but it obviously was for him.

Rant over!

"ah well I'm sure it'll be fine"

Is that not the most annoying fcuking sentence ever when you're worried about something? :mad:

LegacyUser

To be honest, I'd ditch a guy pretty sharpish if he didn't ask how my day was or the like.

Also, I sincerely doubt that men are going around feeling particularly lucky because the girlfriend makes tea.

They are both very normal parts of being in a relationship for me (add other examples of treating each other well to the tea-making thing). I wouldn't bother being in a relationship without.

TitoPuente

As someone who doesn't drink tea, I'm starting to see where I've been going wrong all these years. *mental note*

caseyann

Would you like me to put on a wash honey

CathyMoran

Sometimes an innocent hug can speak louder than words.

Konata

Novella wrote: »

I like it when you mention something fleetingly in a conversation, something you like or are interested in or whatever and someone notices and brings it up in conversation again another time - makes me feel that they really listen and genuinely care.

Doesn't have to be a boyfriend though, I like when anyone does that.

This so much!

My favourite example of this is a story my friend told me lately. She lives in Edinburgh and had started seeing a guy. They were talking one day and she mentioned how much she LOVES chicken fillet rolls and misses them when she's in Edinburgh. Now, her fella didn't know what a CFR was (they're an alien concept in Scotland apparently :eek:) so she explained how you make them. End of conversation. A few days later they were having a picnic and he told her he'd made her something - to her delight it was a CFR, made EXACTLY the way she'd described. The fact that he remembered and made the effort to go out and buy the ingredients and put them together is just so adorable. It's little things like that I love!

Black Swan

One word. Said up close and personal by someone you care about, eye-to-eye contact, feeling the warmth and desire after a fun night out: "You!"

Piste

"Green & Blacks or Lindt?"

This is a weird one but random texts in the middle of the day with just "xxxx" is a big one for me - always makes me smile.

pickarooney

Is it just me or is this whole concept alien to a lot of men? I hate being asked how my day was, for example, or how I'm feeling or any of that craic. The worst, though, is being asked what the book I've just finished was about. Sorry, if this is not really in the spirit of the thread but (I think!) the OP asked for some male input.

Malari

Hmm, I don't need to wait to be asked how my day is, I just tell him! That's if I can get a word in edgeways with him telling me how his day is.

caseyann

pickarooney wrote: »

Is it just me or is this whole concept alien to a lot of men? I hate being asked how my day was, for example, or how I'm feeling or any of that craic. The worst, though, is being asked what the book I've just finished was about. Sorry, if this is not really in the spirit of the thread but (I think!) the OP asked for some male input.

Yes it is in line with the thread thanks
What would it be you would want y our significant other to ask you,interest wise.You are into cars per say and she asks what you are doing or how it went with said engine or whatever.
What is the smallest thing your gf can ask you that would make you feel she is interested.
What would you like to do today?

Malari wrote: »

Hmm, I don't need to wait to be asked how my day is, I just tell him! That's if I can get a word in edgeways with him telling me how his day is.

lol he sounds like a chatter box

pickarooney

caseyann wrote: »

Yes it is in line with the thread thanks
What would it be you would want y our significant other to ask you,interest wise.You are into cars per say and she asks what you are doing or how it went with said engine or whatever.
What is the smallest thing your gf can ask you that would make you feel she is interested.
What would you like to do today?

To be blunt, I'd really have no truck with someone pretending to be interested in something I like just for the sake of showing they care. I much prefer conversation just occurs organically. If something genuinely interesting has happened then let the person to whom it happened tell the tale or let discussion flow naturally. I'd feel like shooting myself if someone asked me to describe my day every time I walked in the door! Maybe I never grew out of the eye-rolling teenager 'how was school' phase.

hondasam

txt to meet at home for a quick lunch

dfx-

pickarooney wrote: »

Is it just me or is this whole concept alien to a lot of men? I hate being asked how my day was, for example, or how I'm feeling or any of that craic. The worst, though, is being asked what the book I've just finished was about. Sorry, if this is not really in the spirit of the thread but (I think!) the OP asked for some male input.

I'd agree...I'm much much much more likely to reply with "mmmm..fine really" to asking how my day was.

If I was run over by a bus, hit with a hammer by my boss and mugged, I don't really want to recall and experience it all again

Exile 1798

Princess Peach wrote: »

All I ever wanted from my last boyfriend was for him to ask how I was or how my day was going. We would just text on days when we didn't see each other, but overall it was just chatty nonsense if you get me, which I loved, but sometimes I would have liked to talk about how I was doing on the day. He never seemed interested in my feelings really. I always asked him and he would answer with something stupid, cause he didn't want to talk about his own feelings. And if I started to talk about me, he would change the subject or stop texting back.

So I would honestly just like a boyfriend to ask how I was, and if I wasn't doing great that day, to maybe listen a little bit. I don't think its much to ask but it obviously was for him.

Rant over!

This is me.

I have no interest in talking about how my day was, or hearing about how someone else's was.

When I talk about my life I edit out all the mundane - say 95%, and only talk about the curious aspects. I don't know why everyone doesn't do the same.

It's usually the women in my life who will be asking me how my day or week was. I can't help but gravitate towards something funny in my response. What else could they possibly want to hear about? "I got up at 7am, prepared and consumed some toast, walked to the bus stop...." I like to talk about stuff and things. Politics, sport, language, culture. If the subject is everyday life I'm only interested in the funny or absurd aspect, not about Geraldine's new coat. The last thing in the world that I would like to have a daily conversation about with my girlfriend is "how I'm feeling."

A lot of men are like this, many aren't. You need a partner who isn't. It's not a matter of rudeness or lack of feeling, it's just a different thought process.

caseyann

pickarooney wrote: »

To be blunt, I'd really have no truck with someone pretending to be interested in something I like just for the sake of showing they care. I much prefer conversation just occurs organically. If something genuinely interesting has happened then let the person to whom it happened tell the tale or let discussion flow naturally. I'd feel like shooting myself if someone asked me to describe my day every time I walked in the door! Maybe I never grew out of the eye-rolling teenager 'how was school' phase.

It isnt a pretend interest,just perhaps your gf would like to understand more so you cna share said interests.
Ofc we all prefer conversations that occur nicely,but what is the things your gf or bf hasnt asked which would make you feel they are showing more of interest or make you feel good

Exile 1798 wrote: »

This is me.

I have no interest in talking about how my day was, or hearing about how someone else's was.

When I talk about my life I edit out all the mundane - say 95%, and only talk about the curious aspects. I don't know why everyone doesn't do the same.

It's usually the women in my life who will be asking me how my day or week was. I can't help but gravitate towards something funny in my response. What else could they possibly want to hear about? "I got up at 7am, prepared and consumed some toast, walked to the bus stop...." I like to talk about stuff and things. Politics, sport, language, culture. If the subject is everyday life I'm only interested in the funny or absurd aspect, not about Geraldine's new coat. The last thing in the world that I would like to have a daily conversation about with my girlfriend is "how I'm feeling."

A lot of men are like this, many aren't. You need a partner who isn't. It's not a matter of rudeness or lack of feeling, it's just a different thought process.

Yep women want to know everything

azwethinkweiz

Princess Peach wrote: »

It was that he loved to talk about good things, but could never handle anything bad. If we were both in a good mood we could talk all day, but if either of us were in a bad mood, he would have none of it. You need to take the good and the bad in a relationship. I'm not saying I wanted him to be my councilor, I just would have liked a bit of compassion, and I would have liked to have helped him when he was in a bad mood.

I really need to stop talking about him!

Wow! I know exactly what you mean. It was kinda that way with my last boyfriend too. As long as everything was going peachy for him, he didnt have a care in the world. As soon as he has an issue or I have an issue, then its game-over! Talking about it now & thinking about it actually makes me see how immature it all was..

OT: I like when a guy just asks how i am and really means it... or when he's really listening to your story or whatever.
Its nice if they notice you've changed something too (I dyed my hair before and did he notice - NO! lol)

Princess Peach

Exile 1798 wrote: »

This is me.

I have no interest in talking about how my day was, or hearing about how someone else's was.

When I talk about my life I edit out all the mundane - say 95%, and only talk about the curious aspects. I don't know why everyone doesn't do the same.

It's usually the women in my life who will be asking me how my day or week was. I can't help but gravitate towards something funny in my response. What else could they possibly want to hear about? "I got up at 7am, prepared and consumed some toast, walked to the bus stop...." I like to talk about stuff and things. Politics, sport, language, culture. If the subject is everyday life I'm only interested in the funny or absurd aspect, not about Geraldine's new coat. The last thing in the world that I would like to have a daily conversation about with my girlfriend is "how I'm feeling."

A lot of men are like this, many aren't. You need a partner who isn't. It's not a matter of rudeness or lack of feeling, it's just a different thought process.

But you can't have funny all the time. Sometimes things need to be serious. I didn't mean I wanted him to know everything I did that day. I mean that I would tell him I was in a bad mood, and he wouldn't ask any follow up questions, or offer any help into making me feel better. And if he was in a bad mood, he would never tell me why or let me help him, which always made me think I was the problem.

And it is immature and very uncaring. If your in a relationship with someone you should share these things and want to share them. I know a lot of guys don't like talking about their feelings, but they should be able to share these things with their girlfriend. These aren't the mundane things, these are what are important. Just in my case my boyfriend at the time knew I had a lot of problems with things, and he never asked how I was doing, because he didn't want to hear about the bad things in my life. I know its not easy to hear, but id you really care for someone you should know that maybe they would like to talk about these things and even though you don't want to hear, do it anyway!

RedXIV

caseyann wrote: »

God you sound like my twin,i know what you mean why cant it be get it off your chest,rather then the guy thinking you want them to fix it.

I'm really bad at this. I can't get my head around the idea that people would like to complain than try to come up with a solution. I have heard the theory plenty of times but I still fall for it every time my girlfriend wants a good moan and I ruin it by trying to be productive

Tristram

Myself and the OH live a bit away from one another and rarely see each other Monday through Thursday. Talk on the phone every evening and I always ask about her day. Just seems normal. One evening last week she asked me the same. Usually I give a "fine/nothing exciting/busy in the afternoon/etc." response but she wanted to to know more. I didn't know what to say to be honest. If I'm not in work I don't think about it or talk about it, and it would be very rare for me to mention problems or difficulties from the day as I just switch that part of me off as soon as I leave. She pointed out that I always hear about any problems she faces and she wanted to do the same. Cue a very bumbling resply from me somewhat along the lines of "eh... I guess X went well, and Y could have gone better. It will work better next time...". We were both laughing at how awkward it was for me to talk about work in the same way she does. Reading a few of the previous posts I guess this might be pretty standard for guys?

Wibbs

Yea it seems pretty standard for guys alright. IME both genders think through a problem, but women vocalise that thinking with others more. It's more socially external. They're more likely to talk through a problem. Thinking out loud kinda thing. Men tend to think more internally. Both have their advantages and disadvantages. Talking through a problem gets you more solutions and acts as an emotional release. The disadvantage is you may get too many solutions. You can come halfway though. I used to be very much like RedXIV mentioned. Now I would be "OK solutions are not being sought, just listen and remember to ask in the first place". Plus I found a so called "girly" chat can really help clear the air too.

Malari

Wibbs wrote: »

Yea it seems pretty standard for guys alright. IME both genders think through a problem, but women vocalise that thinking with others more. It's more socially external. They're more likely to talk through a problem. Thinking out loud kinda thing. Men tend to think more internally. Both have their advantages and disadvantages. Talking through a problem gets you more solutions and acts as an emotional release. The disadvantage is you may get too many solutions. You can come halfway though. I used to be very much like RedXIV mentioned. Now I would be "OK solutions are not being sought, just listen and remember to ask in the first place". Plus I found a so called "girly" chat can really help clear the air too.

Hah, there's a bit of role reversal going on in our relationship then! I keep most things to myself with a work problem. Well, I talk about them in work, but not really to my boyfriend. If something isn't working out in his job I know all about it though. I find it too difficult to vocalise the issue with someone who doesn't deal with it everyday and doesn't really "get" the background. Plus he does the whole "why don't you just..." thing, which is never really helpful. He just works in a totally different sphere to me and solutions that would work in his job would not really in mine.

dibi

Princess Peach wrote: »

It was that he loved to talk about good things, but could never handle anything bad. If we were both in a good mood we could talk all day, but if either of us were in a bad mood, he would have none of it. You need to take the good and the bad in a relationship. I'm not saying I wanted him to be my councilor, I just would have liked a bit of compassion, and I would have liked to have helped him when he was in a bad mood.

I really need to stop talking about him!

caseyann wrote: »

God you sound like my twin,i know what you mean why cant it be get it off your chest,rather then the guy thinking you want them to fix it.

this is exactly whats screwing up my relationship..all of those things that you guys have mentioned...its so frustrating...he just wont be helped and he says he's not happy in this relationship but he doesnt want to break up..but he's not willing to talk about it and compromise...he's so sensitive and grumpy its almost impossible to say anything without him taking it the wrong way..

dibi

funny i just got a message from him after i posted that last thread sayin he loved me and he was sorry he was like that...WIERD!....wonder if he'll want to talk about it..or how long his remorse lasts...

caseyann

dibi wrote: »

funny i just got a message from him after i posted that last thread sayin he loved me and he was sorry he was like that...WIERD!....wonder if he'll want to talk about it..or how long his remorse lasts...

Sounds like he has self esteem issues.Sounds like he is not happy with himself and its not relationship.You cant be happy in a relationship when you arent happy with who you are.
I hope he will talk it through with you and all gets sorted

magneticimpulse

Sorry Im asexual, dont see what this has to do with the Ladies Lounge

dibi

@ caseyann

yea he definitly does have self esteem issues..i mean we've talked about that in the past and he's even joked about it to a certain extent when he's feeling particularly comfortable with me..but to sit down and talk about it seriously when its actually affecting out relationship would be another thing...he has anger issues..he's not aggressive at all but he gets annoyed by things daily and it spills into other areas of his life..i'd try and coax him out of it but he just cant seem to let go when he gets wound up..i've actually mentioned to him that he should go to counselling as i've gone myself and it did the world of good...but like many guys (and i'm not being sexist at all) he just wont deal with it head on..

but yea thanks a mill..hopefully we'll have a chat this evening and sort things out..

Wolfe Tone

dibi wrote: »

@ caseyann

yea he definitly does have self esteem issues..i mean we've talked about that in the past and he's even joked about it to a certain extent when he's feeling particularly comfortable with me..but to sit down and talk about it seriously when its actually affecting out relationship would be another thing...he has anger issues..he's not aggressive at all but he gets annoyed by things daily and it spills into other areas of his life..i'd try and coax him out of it but he just cant seem to let go when he gets wound up..i've actually mentioned to him that he should go to counselling as i've gone myself and it did the world of good...but like many guys (and i'm not being sexist at all) he just wont deal with it head on..

but yea thanks a mill..hopefully we'll have a chat this evening and sort things out..

Wait.. maybe I am confused, he read something you posted on here and then texted you? And now you are posting stuff like this were he and everyone can see it? Poor guy.

I hope I gt this wrong.

dibi

MUSSOLINI wrote: »

Wait.. maybe I am confused, he read something you posted on here and then texted you? And now you are posting stuff like this were he and everyone can see it? Poor guy.

I hope I gt this wrong.

no no! he's not on this he just text me after i had posted the thread coincedentally.....that'd be awful!

Wolfe Tone

dibi wrote: »

no no! he's not on this he just text me after i had posted the thread coincedentally.....that'd be awful!

Thats what I was thinking! I thought he saw this and texted you!

barleybooley

My ex used say and ask the cutest things.

He'd ask me things like why the Periodic Table was the way it was and really obscure physics questions and despite losing interest exactly 5 seconds after I'd start explaining, he'd still pretend to be interested which I thought was cute.

If I had a bad day he'd ask me did I want to watch You've Got Mail or something and he'd sit through the entire thing with me. When I'd be going home at the weekend, he'd ask me what I wanted him to do in terms of housework, always, I never had to ask him to help.

In bed at night, he'd almost always offer to give me a back rub which was lovely.

When we would be making dinner, he'd always ask what he could do (but usually I'd say nothing because I'm a control freak like that!) but he would always offer.

Gosh, I wish I'd been more appreciative at the time!