Lasting longer...

LegacyUser

Hi all,

Bit of an embarassing topic so I'm going unreg for this.

Before I start Mods please feel free to move this if there is a better suited forum...my problem is I have had an issue for years with sustaining sex i.e. I cum very quickly. I'm 24 and have been sexually active since about 17.

It is now having a serious effect on my relationship (we have been together a year). She says she enjoys the short sex we have but I am becoming cold and distance as I try to avoid sex. I'm having the best sex of my life with her and when I've a few drinks in me I last a lot longer but I dont want to become dependent on that. If she tries to give me a long kiss I back away and reduce it to a peck because I'm worried it will lead to more. We have an LDR and when she is due to arrive I am so excited about seeing her but once we do it once and I fail (by my standards) I get a sick feeling in my stomach and back away for the rest of the weekend...she's so understanding but I know my coldness upsets her and so I need and want to do something about it. I've just been too embarassed before now.

My question is - where or to who should I be going to for help, straight to some sort of a sexual health clinic (i've looked and they mostly seem to be for STIs etc) or to a GP and get a referral.

Any help would be great, thank you

Adam

relax, breathe, dont clench any of your muscles, start slowly and make eye contact, you're in there and you're thinking 'ok, just dont finish', so you're in your own head and as such the only thing you really notice is the sensation and the urge to climax. you need to open your eyes, take a deep breath, look at her, and enjoy the whole experience, not just the physical sensation on your genitals.

it sounds too simple but believe me, it's the truth. and it's not as easy as it sounds either, but don't just give up on my advice after failing the first time, cos chances are you will fail, but keep trying.

28064212

What have you tried? There's lots of methods you can try: masturbate shortly before sex, thick condoms, stop any time you feel yourself getting close, spend more time on foreplay for her so she doesn't need long sessions of actual intercourse

LegacyUser

Thanks for getting back to me...

I get ya's but I've tried not thinking about it, concentraing on her or not concentrating on her - anything but cuming but the physical sensation to cum is so strong, she mentioned that I actually get a pained look on my face sometimes when I am trying to stop myself which is true, its an unbelievable need to release.

I've tried gels to numb the sensation, I've tried exercises at home to strenghten the muscles, I've tried her stimulating myself before doing it, cuming a little and then carrying on but it's always a half hearted attempt after that and then can't stay hard. Thick condoms, I tried once before to no avail but I'll give a try again

Spending less time and more time on foreplay hasnt worked - less time I still want to cum quickly, more time gets me more worked up so I want to cum...I'm in the unfortunate/fortunate situation that my girlfirend is very attractive so less or more foreplay has the same result...

Thanks for the advice though, even just getting it out there is great

pwd

It's the same as many other physical reactions to nervousness - loss of appetite; bladder shyness; constipation; insomnia - they're all ways your body prevents you from being in a physically vulnerable position if it thinks you're in danger.

So you just need to get comfortable really.

Mackman

Knock one out yourself beforehand. Not right before, like half an hour, 1 hour before.

There's those condoms, durex advanti i think (?) they have a numbing gel in them, ya wont be able to feel a thing down there

LegacyUser

Might have a look at the rang of advanti in that case,,,also try a bit beforehand,,,

wont see her now til Halloween so fingers crossed for then

LegacyUser

it seems like a big problem but it is not, you need to find a way to have sex and enjoy it without focusing so much on penetration. Keep researching..tantra and the like. Explore it together and talk about it. Life is too short to be embarassed about these issues. You will find a way that works for you!!!
Good Luck

LegacyUser

use to have the same problem.

Used the numbing condoms and stuff like that helped but I found that rubbing one out and then keep going after ejaculation as often as possible can desensitize you and allow you to last a lot longer.

At little painful at first but once you have done you can last for ages.

Good look to you.

Oh and talk to her about it. She probably thinks you don't like doing it with her but if you tell her she may be able to help you relax.

And if you are about to cum, stop, foreplay for 5 mins and away you go again is a life saver.

DYLF

try strenghtening your sphinter (i think it is) muscle.
itsw easy. just tense and release your muscles (the ones you use to ejaculate) a few times a day. like do it 10 times athen a 1minute breat the do int another 10 times and a 1 minute break then another 10. try that twice a day for a couple of weeks and you should have alot more control over it when your having sex.

worked a treat for me and you can do it anywhere really coz nobody will notice your doing it...

Uncle Spunk

I had this problem in my 20's but have gotten over it more or less. One thing to remember is that not all girls are phased by it, a lot get satisfaction seeing you pop so quick.

Try emptying the chamber before the deed, use two condoms with lube and concentrate on your breathing and you'll get better at lasting longer.

Good luck man.

Johnny Favourite

Knock one out a couple of hours before you bone her. Sorted.

RoadKillTs

Just think of something else to distract ya. I try to work out my name in binary.
It really helps.

Neyite

from a female point of view, it can be very very flattering that your boyfriend is that happy to see you, if you know what i mean.

definately talk to her about it - she could help you get one out of the way, then move on to mutual sexy stuff together for a longer session.

but if you avoid contact, she might start to wonder if there is another reason, premature ejaculation is not the first reason that might spring to her mind.

using two condoms together is not a good idea though- they are more likely to tear due to friction. use a good thick one instead.

ted1

why not get a stick game job or bj as the second time your bound to last longer. Obviously
you'll have to return the favour.