Inappropriate behaviour between friend and BF

LegacyUser

Im quite concious at not giving to much away here but...

Was out on a night out to celebrate my birthday last weekend. Everything was fine, having a good time. We were all sitting around a table and I looked across to wehre my BF was sitting, and my very good friend was sitting on his lap with her arms around him, his arms around her...

Needless to say I was fuming so got up an left to get away from the situation. Sorted it with the BF the next morning, and the friend in question had approached me that night to apologise saying she didnt even think about it, she was crying and upset about something else, and just wanted a hug. I didnt say much, because I wasnt interested in getting into a long discussion about it with her.

The thing is, this friend is extremely flirty and gorgeous, every boy falls for her. She flirts with pretty much everyone. And I hate to admit it, but if it had been any of my other friends, I wouldnt have minded as much. Its because it was her... and my Bf knew I felt this way before the whole thing happened.

I dunno what Im asking really. I was so embarrassed to be sitting there with everyone else, and for this to be going on in front of me. It was humiliating.

I havnt seen the friend since, and I dont know how Im going to react when I do.

What do you all think of the situation?

Beruthiel

so humiliated wrote: »

she didnt even think about it, she was crying and upset about something else, and just wanted a hug.

Ya. Right. And this necessitated her sitting on his knee with her arms around him?
I'm not buying it.

Cheap Thrills!

Whoah!!!

Bang out of order.

Ditch her as she is no friend and full of ****. Attention seeking little cow. Why couldn't she have asked YOU for a hug? No, much better to pr!ck tease your mates BF and then give it the 'poor little me' act afterwards. Urgh. Get rid of her the sly cow.

As for him, b0ll0ck him out of it. The cheek. People of the opposite sex shouldn't be sitting on an attached persons knee. That's a rock solid boundary you don't cross. He knows that. See that he is in no doubt what is and isn't acceptable.

Elle Collins

Cheap Thrills! wrote: »

See that he is in no doubt what is and isn't acceptable.

The way I'd see it OP, he already knew what was and wasn't acceptable. He just didn't give a shyte.

Cheeky_gal

OP,

I would have went AWOL.

Ditch the girl ! Shocking behaviour.

Friend my *ss.

LegacyUser

OP here thanks everyone for the comments im glad Im not being crazy thinking this.

This isnt the first time she has done things like this, little things, she does it with every boy she encounters, and as one friend did say, she likes male attention.

My boyfriend followed me out of the room straight away and tried to talk to me, but I just didnt want to hear it. He said he couldnt really do anything she just plonked herself down and was in tears, what was he supposed to do and that it was cmpletely innocent and he has no interest in her.

Alot of my friends who were there said it was innocent but a bit strange and they can see where Im coming from

I tried mentioning it to the bf again today, because I am still upset about it, and he has just shut down and wont talk about it.

I know this makes my BF sound really dodgy and untrustworthy, but he really isn't. My main issue is with her. Shes one of my best friends too. I dunno what to do

seenitall

I can sort of see why people are fuming at your friend, OP, however I prefer to take a long view of things these days (it is maybe the matter of my age, who knows...:().

In short, far from ditching this friend, I would give her that hug she had been longing for and say a heart-felt "Thank you" for alerting me to the utterly unforgivable lack of loyalty in my boyfriend's behaviour. As for him, I would be out of love as soon as it happened (I know that it is supposed to be easy to say this, but for me nothing would act as love-extinguisher more than seeing my beloved willingly getting close to another woman; in this case, it really IS as easy as it sounds!).

The boy would be history for me, not the friend.

In fact, I would make her the litmus-test of all my future relationships; only the guys who come out of the "hot pirck-tease g/f's friend trying to plant herself on his lap" test with flying colours get to progress to the next stage of the relationship!

Best wishes.

LegacyUser

seenitall wrote: »

I can sort of see why people are fuming at your friend, OP, however I prefer to take a long view of things these days (it is maybe the matter of my age, who knows...:().


The boy would be history for me, not the friend.

In fact, I would make her the litmus-test of all my future relationships; only the guys who come out of the "hot pirck-tease g/f's friend trying to plant herself on his lap" test with flying colours get to progress to the next stage of the relationship!

Best wishes.

Im afraid it just isn't that easy for me, We've beent together 5 years, and he has never done anything like this. If anything, I am the one who would be more volatile.

She is jsut a complete flirt. with everyone, literally, everyone.

He's just left the house... I tried to talk to him but he just won't see where Im coming from, all he says is that he couldn't do anything, and that everyone understands that but me (like my friends who were there and saw it).


I posted a reply earlier not sure why it didn't show up, hopefully it will.

Im just lost. You guys are thinking the way Im thinking, but my friends don't seem to think its that big a deal. Ugh I dunno

Dr. Zeus

Hi OP,

Both your bf and this friend were at fault here. It's easy to put the blame firmly at the door of the friend . I think your anger is misdirected because you have issues with this friend, maybe slight jealously!

You Bf is in a relationship with you - he should not have had this girl sitting on his knee and should have told her so.

I am presuming this girl is single so she was not jeporadising her relationship, still does not excuse her behaviour though. She should have respected you and your realtionship more.

If this is what he is like when you are his company, I wonder what he is like when you are not around. Yes by all means cut this girl out of your life but have a good look at your boyfriend too.

Neyite

i dunno if i would be bothered with either of them to be honest - they are both at fault here. Granted shes a flirt, but a polite PFO from him would have sorted her out?

LegacyUser

Your boyfriend humiliated you in front of your friends with a girl he knew you had problems with. You've told him how you feel about her so how did it get to the stage where she was sitting on his knee with her arms around him, AND his arms around her? That can't have happened in one simple step.
The fact that he's trying to dismiss your uncertainty and discomfort about the whole thing is very telling. Relationships aren't all sunshine and roses, this is a rough bit in your relationship, and your boyfriend is practically ignoring your worries and (worse still) implying that you're crazy for even thinking anything?
For that alone I'd cut him loose. He knows the background with this girl, so he should know how much this is upsetting you and not be fobbing you off.

LegacyUser

Dr.Zeus- It's definitely not jealousy with her, it's just out of all my friends, She would be one that I trust slightly less because of the way she acts around boys. I know my other friends would not do something like this.

Also, yes she is single, but was crying about some other boy when all this happened, hence her wanting a hug.

I do see what your saying about my BF, he just can't see it at all. In his eyes he was just trying to be nice to her and couldnt exactly throw a sobbing girl off his lap (what he says)
I do know the way she gets over boys when drunk, literally sobs, so I really want to believe him, but just ... I agree with all of you who say he knew it was wrong..

I've tried saying it to him, but Im being made out to be the crazy person in all this. Making mountains out of mole hills etc

seenitall

so humiliated wrote: »

Im afraid it just isn't that easy for me, We've beent together 5 years, and he has never done anything like this. If anything, I am the one who would be more volatile.

She is jsut a complete flirt. with everyone, literally, everyone.

He's just left the house... I tried to talk to him but he just won't see where Im coming from, all he says is that he couldn't do anything, and that everyone understands that but me (like my friends who were there and saw it).


I posted a reply earlier not sure why it didn't show up, hopefully it will.

Im just lost. You guys are thinking the way Im thinking, but my friends don't seem to think its that big a deal. Ugh I dunno

I hope I am not coming across too harsh, OP, I appreciate you being in a long relationship and my first post was probably somewhat too facetious for your situation.

However, the bit I bolded here is really worrying as it is a very disrespectful way to treat this issue and yourself (aside from being BS, "he couldn't do anything" - what, he has no arms or legs or voice? or he only has them when it comes to cuddling with your hot friend?).

Like someone else posted already, this guy just doesn't give a siht.

I just think that, once you have been disrespected and humiliated like this in front of your friends, it sets an ugly precedent, and it can only go downhill from here. Stay with him if you must, but it doesn't look like any good news are on the horizon. On the contrary.

ted1

I don't see what the problem is.

so a friend was sitting on his lap in fornt of you and they were talking, arms around her to stop her falling off his lap, music loud so they had to be there.

how old are you? do you not trust him? what exactly is the issue?

seenitall

ted1 wrote: »

I don't see what the problem is.

so a friend was sitting on his lap in fornt of you and they were talking, arms around her to stop her falling off his lap, music loud so they had to be there.

how old are you? do you not trust him? what exactly is the issue?

Would you see a problem with your g/f sitting on your friend's lap, with "music being loud" and them holding each other?

If you wouldn't, good for you. Except I don't believe you.

Elle Collins

seenitall wrote: »

Would you see a problem with your g/f sitting on your friend's lap, with "music being loud" and them holding each other?

If you wouldn't, good for you. Except I don't believe you.

Neither do I.

Dr. Zeus

Sounds like your boyfriend is being very immature about the whole thing. he didn't respect your feelings on the night in question and he's not respecting them now. It's almost like you are feeling guilty now for making a big deal. I see that as controlling and manipulative on his part.

There are lots of ways to handle a situation like that. He could have sat down beside her, given her a hug, got her a drink of water whatever. He obviously got an ego boost from this hot girl sitting on his lap, simple as.

Maybe it would be more honest of him to admit that instead of the pathetic excuses. It sounds like quite a simple story on the face of it but there are subtle boundaries that you don't cross. think this may have been one of those times.

If you did the same thing with a friend of his how would he react?

Wibbs

Beruthiel wrote: »

Ya. Right. And this necessitated her sitting on his knee with her arms around him?
I'm not buying it.

I agree. Next I'd be asking what was actually going on? I mean in the sense of intent in either party. Your boyfriend. Was he a few ales in? No excuse, but makes random daftness more likely. Your friend? Was she tanked up? Again no excuse but.. Speaking as a bloke we can be daft buggers at times when some woman starts with the flirting. It's the ego boost as much as anything. If he was trying to carry on with her, unless he is dimmer than a lo energy lightbulb it's unlikely to be carried on in plain sight. IMHO Your mate was for some reason trying to score points. For what reason, who knows? I've had a couple of similar things with exes mates in the past. The "oh I could have your guy" kinda thing. Again an ego boost.

Now it may also be not "Oh I can have your guy", it may be just "I need an ego boost and touchy feely support and I'm not thinking about any external consequences at the moment" and him "pretty woman on my lap. Nice ego boost and Im not thinking of any external consequences at the moment". Basically a brainfart in both cases.

Majorly irritating and indeed upsetting for you who has to deal with it, but I'd be wary of flipping out too much over it. I'd let him know he was being a daft bugger alright, but if he's not one for this sort of thing I'd try to move beyond it TBH. We all have cockups in our lives so would chalk it down to that if it's a one off. Your mate? Well if she's all flirty like as a default position with loads of blokes, I'd suggest similar though from the other side. She seems to need this ego guff, so let her do her own thing, but I would make sure she knew that this stuff doesnt fly with you and that she should have some consideration if she wants to continue the friendship.

Seenitall wrote:

Would you see a problem with your g/f sitting on your friend's lap, with "music being loud" and them holding each other?

If you wouldn't, good for you. Except I don't believe you.

Well I would have a problem with it, but if it was in isolation and I never had any reason to doubt her fidelity before, I'd chalk it up to momentary daftness. They'd both know of my displeasure, but quietly. I would not see it as a "sacking offence" in a serious otherwise bang on long term relationship. IMHO if I did on just the basis of that I'd feel I was cutting off my nose to spite my face and an over emotional reaction on my part.

My 3 cents anyway.

LegacyUser

Dr. Zeus wrote: »

Sounds like your boyfriend is being very immature about the whole thing. he didn't respect your feelings on the night in question and he's not respecting them now. It's almost like you are feeling guilty now for making a big deal. I see that as controlling and manipulative on his part.

T

If you did the same thing with a friend of his how would he react?

This is exactly what I asked him, and he didn't have much to say, I know he would be raging if I did this to him.

I do feel bad, because we did pretty much sort things out yesterday, but Its been on my mind and I realise now that Im not happy with it. He just keeps saying I should be mad at her, not at him.
I feel so betrayed and don't know what to think. He has never done anything like this before and has always been a fantastic boyfriend, even my friends would agree.

Taltos

This is gonna sound dumb.

Don't feel bad about feeling bad.
You sorted it out intellectually yesterday - but you still need to work through it emotionally. Just give it some time - and for the moment chalk his one silly act as being well and truly paid.

Yer wan though... Like some of the others would be wary around her again - am sure she knew right well what she was doing when she plonked her ass on his lap.

Don't beat yourself up over this - seems like you just behaved like 99% of the rest of us...

thefeatheredcat

so humiliated wrote: »

I looked across to wehre my BF was sitting, and my very good friend was sitting on his lap with her arms around him, his arms around her...

OP,

I know how humiliating this feels, caught one of my first boyfriends kissing someone else right in front of me and his mates on a night out.

The fact that it happened on a night out to celebrate your Birthday is awful....and this girl, talk about stealing your thunder! I suspect she has little guilt for the situation that this has all caused, how you have been hurt. I suspect too that this girl was not just looking for comfort at all - in fact she has gotten what she's wanted, attention and causing a rift between yourself and your boyfriend. how good friends was she with your boyfriend? She may have just been feeling low in herself with you getting all the attention however, looking for comfort from your boyfriend was totally out of order, even if they had been close friends.

Your boyfriend sounds like he was used in this situation by her and probably innocent in the whole thing; he may genuinely not have known what to do. In hindsight he knows he probably should have done more to remove her. Give him the benefit of the doubt and put your faith and trust in him, let this blow over between you and enjoy making up.

as for you friend, make it clear to her that you are very upset by this. I doubt very much she would have liked it if on her Birthday night out you cuddled up to her boyfriend/guy she liked over being upset by your boyfriend or another guy. Try and resolve things between you and ask her what she was upset about and I would only say that in the case of a long-standing long term friendship.

If you feel unhappy with things about her or you feel that she isn't the good valuable friend you think she is, or feel that you cannot trust her after this, and are now as a result of her actions, feeling a bit insecure in yourself, or feel indeed that she is not treating you as respectfully and to the standard that you would treat her and others, then it may be time to call it quits on the friendship.

In the end, do not let this cause doubt between yourself and your boyfriend. Learn from this experience - you were hurt and nobody would think less of you for being so.


EDIT:

so humiliated wrote: »

but my friends don't seem to think its that big a deal

Just on this.... you've mentioned a few times in your posts that this 'friend' is very flirty.... I don't mean this horribly, but this reminds me of someone I met briefly who had a reputation of being a town bicycle in her home town, always very, very flirty with any man, single or attached and often caused conflicts between couples. I didn't know her personally but she was sort of friends with a girl I was friend with in college and well, I heard some rather sad stuff about her, like any new man that came into the local pub she would be all over, that kind of thing. I think that if your friend is a big flirt with fellas, that's most likely why your friends don't think it's a big deal, because sitting on a man lap looking for comfort may not be something unusual? I may be totally out of line saying that.... It does bother me that your friends don't think it's a big deal, as if this behaviour is normal and acceptable? It isn't, unless one is prone to carrying on like this all the time. I'm guessing your friends are single and haven't had this happen to them? TBH despite the fact she was 'upset' I'm baffled that your friends aren't up in arms about this incident - it was very inappropriate behaviour and inconsiderate of her- that could have led to you and your boyfriend splitting up, they seem quite unsupportive to me especially when this happened on a night to celebrate your birthday.

seenitall

thefeatheredcat wrote: »

OP,

I know how humiliating this feels, caught one of my first boyfriends kissing someone else right in front of me and his mates on a night out.

The fact that it happened on a night out to celebrate your Birthday is awful....and this girl, talk about stealing your thunder! I suspect she has little guilt for the situation that this has all caused, how you have been hurt. I suspect too that this girl was not just looking for comfort at all - in fact she has gotten what she's wanted, attention and causing a rift between yourself and your boyfriend. how good friends was she with your boyfriend? She may have just been feeling low in herself with you getting all the attention however, looking for comfort from your boyfriend was totally out of order, even if they had been close friends.

Your boyfriend sounds like he was used in this situation by her and probably innocent in the whole thing; he may genuinely not have known what to do. In hindsight he knows he probably should have done more to remove her. Give him the benefit of the doubt and put your faith and trust in him, let this blow over between you and enjoy making up.

as for you friend, make it clear to her that you are very upset by this. I doubt very much she would have liked it if on her Birthday night out you cuddled up to her boyfriend/guy she liked over being upset by your boyfriend or another guy. Try and resolve things between you and ask her what she was upset about and I would only say that in the case of a long-standing long term friendship.

If you feel unhappy with things about her or you feel that she isn't the good valuable friend you think she is, or feel that you cannot trust her after this, and are now as a result of her actions, feeling a bit insecure in yourself, or feel indeed that she is not treating you as respectfully and to the standard that you would treat her and others, then it may be time to call it quits on the friendship.
In the end, do not let this cause doubt between yourself and your boyfriend. Learn from this experience - you were hurt and nobody would think less of you for being so.

This post just leaves me dumbfounded :eek: - I guess it's my day of shocks on PI threads!

OP, I really hope that you at least have better sense than to think that your poor innocent boyfriend was used... the mind boggles.

If you are going to stay with the "innocent" lamb, the least you can do for yourself is to have your eyes wide open to the implications of this incident, so that any further indiscretions or humiliations at least don't catch you unawares any more. The type of guy who is capable of being "used" by a hot girl as an armchair in front of your very eyes, and then blatantly denying all responsibility, won't stop there; why would he?

This guy is bad news. This thread is making me angry. :mad:

spinandscribble

I dunno I might be unpopular for saying this but she could have caught your bf off guard. honestly, a girl jumps into your lap crying? Are you honestly expecting him to throw her to the ground? Shes crying, asking for a hug, he instantly thinks **** shes my gfs friend better give in, puts arms out then she hops on his lap. shock sets in, **** the gfs going to kill me.
Don't get me wrong it must have been horrible to witness and I'd be right pissed off at her but what did his face tell you? All i hope is he didn't look like the cat with the cream. He should understand that isn't something you'd like to witness and make sure he doesn't get in the situation again.

I've experienced a overly flirty girl make suspicious moves on my bf, sometimes you just have to gauge the bfs reaction and the girls general actions, then forget about it if it doesn't repeat. Now she's a flirty girl but that does NOT give her the right to put herself in his lap. Personally I think flirty people who overstep the mark by touching peoples bfs/gfs without permission are the worse kind of "friends".

Why didn't she go to a friend of her's for comfort? why did she pick YOUR boyfriend? She sounds like a attention seeker who didn't get lucky with the guy that upset her so wanted to show her worth by hopping on the birthday girls guy.

If they were up to something dodgy would they really be sitting their in your full view? Most importantly did she actually look upset...?

thefeatheredcat

seenitall wrote: »

This post just leaves me dumbfounded :eek: - I guess it's my day of shocks on PI threads!

OP, I really hope that you at least have better sense than to think that your poor innocent boyfriend was used... the mind boggles.

If you are going to stay with the "innocent" lamb, the least you can do for yourself is to have your eyes wide open to the implications of this incident, so that any further indiscretions or humiliations at least don't catch you unawares any more. The type of guy who is capable of being "used" by a hot girl as an armchair in front of your very eyes, and then blatantly denying all responsibility, won't stop there; why would he?

This guy is bad news. This thread is making me angry. :mad:

Seenitall - I think you need to meet more very flirty women who have low self esteem who know no boundaries and throw themselves at whatever guy is around regardless of relationship status.

I've seen it for myself and I know what you mean, I would normally say ditch both of them. However, an experience I had with a girl as mentioned in my edit who was known as the town bicycle and incredibly flirty person - visited for a weekend with a girl I was friends with and went off and slept with a guy I really liked despite the fact that he and I were very much in like with eachother although not official, could have ended up in a relationship....and my friend knew about it, but the girl didn't, although it was obvious. The act spoke volumes for both of them, was well rid of bad news.

However I have seen girls like this try it on attached guys while utterly drunk/upset for the men to be met with embarrassment and not knowing what to do. I don't applaud the OP's boyfriend at all or agree with having the arms around the 'friend' but I think that the 'friend' knew quite well what she was doing, and any good friend would know that sitting on a friend's boyfriend's lap regardless of your own emotional state is damn out of order. As for the boyfriend - maybe not totally innocent, but perhaps could have mistaken her to be the OP (especially after a few drinks) but as the OP and he have been together 5 years and nothing has happened like this before, I feel strongly that the 'friend' is to blame for what happened. Any loyal friend would know better, especially with the occasion on hand. What the 'friend' has done is completely inconsiderate of the OP and shows no care, consideration or loyalty to the OP whatsoever. Doesn't matter if she was upset, or off her head who does she think she is to be sitting on her friend's boyfriend's lap in the first place?

EDIT:

In the end OP, your 'friend' turned a night that was supposed to be about you and turned into a drama for her.... had this not happened, you would have had a wonderful night and felt loved by your friends and your boyfriend and shared some love with your boyfriend. Instead she was inconsiderate and put her own emotional drama ahead of your celebration. If she was that upset she should have had the decency to look for support from her friends quietly or taken you aside and talk to you and not seek physical comfort from your boyfriend in plain sight and humiliate you and causing a drama that was about her. Instead of looking back in time at that night feeling happy she's taken that away from you.

LegacyUser

OP here thanks a mil for the replies. Ill try answer most of them!

Wibbs- you make a good point, I was very very angry after it happened, and I certainly made it clear to both of them. I dont want to jump the gun and just break up with him, he has never acted like this before, like I said, I would have been the one in the relationship who was more likely to do something like that if you get me, not that I would! But you definitely would never think of him as the type to do it!


There was alot of drink involved, which also fuels my friend's crying. I cant remember the last time we were out where she hasnt been crying about some boy. So its not really suprising behaviour in that sense. I think she does enjoy the boost from male attention.



Taltos-Thanks a million for your kind words, I really hadn't sorted it out in my head. We were rushing off to another birthday dinner so I didn't get a chance to really think it through. I always have been wary of her, I know it sounds awful, but I honestly wouldn't have minded as much if it had been any other friend. I have never been a possessive GF.



The feathered cat- I think my friends have basically just accepted that she was upset and it was completely innocent. She was in floods after I stormed off, whereas I was on the dancefloor trying to just put it out of my mind. So I can see why they would say "ah sure it was nothing, she didnt realise what she was doing, shes really sorry about it".



spinandscribble- I couldnt see his face, her head was blocking it!! and to be honest I didnt look for very long, the minute I saw I looked away and left, I was so angry. She said to me that "she sees him as one of the girls" so didnt think twice about what she was doing basically..



Seen it all- I dont think he is totally innocent at all, We're not speaking at the moment as a result >:(



He's making me feel like I should apologise for freaking out, but I really dont think I should! The more I dwell on it all, the more upset I get an the more rational I feel for not just letting it go.

(sorry for such a long post!! )

seenitall

thefeatheredcat wrote: »

Seenitall - I think you need to meet more very flirty women who have low self esteem who know no boundaries and throw themselves at whatever guy is around regardless of relationship status.

Oh no, I really don't think I do!

tinkerbell

OP - ditch the friend, she sounds like a right tramp / attention-seeker and I wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her.

As for your boyfriend - it could very easily have been that he got freaked out when a crying blubbing mess of a girl (who is one of your best friends) throws herself on his lap and demands a hug and he's like "oh god, girlfriend's friend is really upset, I better give her a hug", or whatever. And he panics and doesn't know what to do. However, I do think he was wrong - he knows this girl has a reputation for being a town bike and that you are wary of her. So sit down, talk about it and tell him that it upsets you and if it happens again, that he just pushes her away, and he knows for future incidents.

Distorted

I don't think you need this girl as a friend. I know of one girl who sounds the same type (fortunately they are rare as most girls have more self respect) and she is also very flirty, has slept with so many blokes in our social circle and never has a stable long term relationship. Which is fine but not when you catch her texting your boyfriend. My boyfriend showed me the text, we laughed about it and he didn't reply. Next she texted him again to ask if he could give her a lift anywhere. He felt trapped into saying yes, I disagreed and we ended up having a row which I won in that he didn't give her the lift. A couple of years later the same thing happened again - a text asking my bf out to a club. I texted her back to tell her that her behaviour was unacceptable and you wouldn't believe the twisted nonsense I got from her. She still tries to speak to me - we were all at a wedding the other night, her on her own, and she very obviously asked my boyfriend to dance in front of me. Hoping to provoke a reaction. I ignored her, he reluctantly danced and then scooted back to me straight afterwards. She's pathetic.

Believe me, I know the type. Drop her as a friend, hold her at arm's length. Give your bf a row but another chance, and if he ever does it again, dump him.

LegacyUser

Cool the jets! You've made your feelings known to both parties, telling them it was unacceptable. Leave it there, or you may be playing right into your "friend"'s hands- ie: by causing a rift between you and your bf, or appearing unreasonable/nagging. Let it go for the time being, forgive- but don't forget.

up for anything

No wonder he doesn't want to talk about it. What was he supposed to do? Stand up and tip her off his lap. Let her sit there and fall off if she was unstable with drink. Start screaming, "Help me, help me, so humiliated." Doing any of those things would have made him look bad in everyone's eyes and probably yours too. There would have lots of recriminations about why did he have to be so rough, unfeeling, mean etc to a girl who was obviously upset and crying.

Why are you so suspicious of his motives? Has he ever given you reason to doubt him?

spinandscribble

This friend might and i say MIGHT be dense enough to do this but i don't buy it. I just dont see why she needed your bf to comfort her when all her friends were there and it was your birthday. Is she close to him in general, before would you even think of him as someone she'd go to? Was everyone else busy?

If this girls a drama lama and your friends are well aware of it they probably are just putting it down as one of her little episodes and dont want conflict between your group. The problem now as I see it is appearing to accept this behaviour and by doing so, encourage it. This friend needs to learn boundaries or hold back on the drink (both really). I'd meet her when shes calm and explain others might accept it but you won't in the future and if theres another scene like that again with your bf you'll not be able to forgive.