Are you a worrier?

Kimia

I don't know if worrying has incorrectly been labelled a 'female' trait but in my relationship I am the worrier. I worry about everything and find it very hard to let things go (not fights funnily enough - but I overthink about things and worry about everything). My favourite saying is 'this too shall pass' and that helps, but it's tough being an anxious worrywart!

Does anyone else feel like this and do you feel like it's a more female thing?

MidlandsM

I read somewhere, that research done into "worry" showed that approx 90% of the stuff people worry about, never actually happens.

Also,think of it like this - worrying will change nothing, if its going to happen it'll happen, or if it doesn't happen, it won't.
Thats my angle on it.

WesternNight

MidlandsM wrote: »

Also,think of it like this - worrying will change nothing, if its going to happen it'll happen, or if it doesn't happen, it won't.
Thats my angle on it.

I try to think of it like that as well, doesn't always work though!

I'm not as bad as I used to be. I'm a bit more chilled than I was when I was a bit younger, but I'd still be a worrier over certain things.

gigawatt

yeah, i can go through phases where i worry intensely about everything, then long streches where i'm laid back. it depends. at the moment i'm waking up at night from worry!! but I know it will pass. don't worry, you're not the only one!!:)

Black Swan

Kimia wrote: »

Does anyone else feel like this and do you feel like it's a more female thing?

Not gender specific.

Faith

I'm an awful worrier. I'd say I spend about 25% of my time just worrying. I'll worry about everything, from as little as "X didn't thank my post. Why? Is s/he angry with me? Did I do something?" to "Aggghhhh what am I doing with my life?!". I worry about being burgled every night I'm home alone. I worry about friends and family having accidents, getting sick, etc. I worry constantly about not being good enough. It's such a drain on my energy, but I can't help it. I very much got it from my mum, she's as bad as me. I wish I knew how to stop worrying, but I don't. I suppose at least it means I'm always prepared for the worst case scenario .

Abi

Generally no, I tend to take most things in my stride. For me, what will happen, will happen. If things don't work out the way I'd like, then I always have a contingency plan. But when it comes to the welfare of loved ones, I do get a bit antsy tbh.

Latchy

Kimia wrote: »

Does anyone else feel like this and do you feel like it's a more female thing?

Faith wrote: »

I'm an awful worrier. I'd say I spend about 25% of my time just worrying. I'll worry about everything, from as little as "X didn't thank my post. Why? Is s/he angry with me? Did I do something?" to "Aggghhhh what am I doing with my life?!".

Might be a type of boards Neurosis worrying ie,X not thanking my post /is she angry with me ,did I do or say something and might be more common then we think ( which is a downside of the thanks function ) .I would be annoyed with myself if I thought I had unententionaly offended somebody in a post but didn't realise or know about it .Worrying is not just a female trait and as mentioned family members would be top of my concerns .

Das Kitty

I used to be, but after a bout of depression I started trying to worry less.

I figure there's no point in worrying about things I can't control and what I can do something about I do. It's very freeing. Obviously I still worry sometimes but I can reign it in pretty quickly.

Faith

Das Kitty wrote: »

I used to be, but after a bout of depression I started trying to worry less.

I figure there's no point in worrying about things I can't control and what I can do something about I do. It's very freeing. Obviously I still worry sometimes but I can reign it in pretty quickly.

How do you stop it though? Like this week I'm starting some volunteer work. Part of what they want me to do is waaaayyyy beyond anything I've ever done before. I literally spent an entire day last week just worrying about, thinking I'll never be able to do it, I'll mess it up, they'll get angry, etc. I actually considered calling the whole thing off for a minute or two! I could not stop the thoughts, or do anything about them. It was only after I spoke to the person I'll be working with and explained my concerns that I relaxed .

WesternNight

Faith wrote: »

How do you stop it though? Like this week I'm starting some volunteer work. Part of what they want me to do is waaaayyyy beyond anything I've ever done before. I literally spent an entire day last week just worrying about, thinking I'll never be able to do it, I'll mess it up, they'll get angry, etc. I actually considered calling the whole thing off for a minute or two! I could not stop the thoughts, or do anything about them. It was only after I spoke to the person I'll be working with and explained my concerns that I relaxed .

That's what I do. I think myself out of being able to do things. I know where it comes from but it's so difficult to change it.

Since starting college last year, I've actually become less afraid of the unknown. I still get stressed about stuff, but it's less a case of not doing things because I'm afraid and more that I'm afraid but I'll do it anyway. And for the most part it's nowhere near as bad as I'd imagined.

Das Kitty

Faith wrote:

How do you stop it though? Like this week I'm starting some volunteer work. Part of what they want me to do is waaaayyyy beyond anything I've ever done before. I literally spent an entire day last week just worrying about, thinking I'll never be able to do it, I'll mess it up, they'll get angry, etc. I actually considered calling the whole thing off for a minute or two! I could not stop the thoughts, or do anything about them. It was only after I spoke to the person I'll be working with and explained my concerns that I relaxed .

What you did is how you stop them, you talked to the person. What I would have done would have been to talk to them straight away if I could. It's a rotten feeling it taints everything else in your life when you're feeling that way.

I'm back to work in 3 weeks and I'll most likely be in a new department with a new boss. Old me would be really worried about getting the ****ty end of the stick, currently I'm just thinking if it does happen I'll worry about it then.

RacoonQueen

I'm very laid back and wouldn't be one to get stressed, however, as I've gotten older and had more responsibilities etc thrown at me I've become more of a worrier. Sadly, over the last few years I've had plenty of crap to worry about. Had my cards read a few weeks ago by my mammies aunt(who is ridiclously accurate) and she told me to stop worrying about two VERY specific things. Freaky.

It's mostly just the parentals I worry about, don't give a feck about myself.

Abi

Faith wrote: »

I'm an awful worrier. I'd say I spend about 25% of my time just worrying. I'll worry about everything, from as little as "X didn't thank my post. Why? Is s/he angry with me? Did I do something?"

Awh Faith, why would you let something that small worry you? Theres more to life than boards hon. We all stick around for a reason though, I do because I like using the site. Everyone has a different take on things, and the different personalities and perspectives, and I love a genuinely funny poster I'd love to get rid of the thanks system tbh, but I do find it very useful when I agree with a post. Sometimes people put so much effort into their posts, and especially in PI. They don't have to do that, but they do.

But don't let such a small thing bother you. I like your posts, you make a lot of sense, and you do put effort into your posts

to "Aggghhhh what am I doing with my life?!". I worry about being burgled every night I'm home alone.

Thats an understandable concern, with the way things have gone in the country, this has risen. But all you can do is make sure you've locked up, always keep your phone to hand, and find some distractions to keep your mind off it.

I worry about friends and family having accidents, getting sick, etc.

Same tbh =/

I worry constantly about not being good enough. It's such a drain on my energy, but I can't help it. I very much got it from my mum, she's as bad as me. I wish I knew how to stop worrying, but I don't. I suppose at least it means I'm always prepared for the worst case scenario .

Theres no harm in being prepared Faith. I think a lil counselling could be a real benefit to you. You might have gotten it from your mum, but a good cousellor could change your perspective on things. Theres absolutely nothing wrong with popping by and having a chat about life in general with a counseller, I see one myself and its a real relief walking out every single time

Theres such a cliche about going to a counseller in Ireland still, its such a shame. Americans drop it into conversation like they're talking about going to the dentist or a doctors appointment. I really hope you don't mind me saying, but I think most of us could do with having a chat with a counsellor every ones in a while, and I really think that maybe this could help you a lil

Wibbs

I worry about the little things, the stupid things. Big stuff? Barely registers by comparison. A trait that has confused mates in the past. About 3 years ago a routine medical test came back with a potential "oh you're soooo gonna need a pine box in months" result(turned out it was a mistake. I hope :eek::D). I was meh. I mean WTF can you do? My mates were all naturally concerned for me. More for my mental state I suspect, as the previous week I had gotten up to high dough over something majorly trivial that most wouldnt register.

Wibbs

Faith wrote: »

How do you stop it though? Like this week I'm starting some volunteer work. Part of what they want me to do is waaaayyyy beyond anything I've ever done before. I literally spent an entire day last week just worrying about, thinking I'll never be able to do it, I'll mess it up, they'll get angry, etc. I actually considered calling the whole thing off for a minute or two! I could not stop the thoughts, or do anything about them. It was only after I spoke to the person I'll be working with and explained my concerns that I relaxed .

Yea but guess what? In a few weeks, while you worry, you'll do absolutely fine if not great in your volunteer position. I'll put down 50 quid now that you will. And I'm a cheapskate who works the odds, so basically Faith you owe me 50 quid. :)

Faith

Oops, didn't mean to turn this into a PI thread for myself!

Abigayle wrote: »

Awh Faith, why would you let something that small worry you? Theres more to life than boards hon. We all stick around for a reason though, I do because I like using the site. Everyone has a different take on things, and the different personalities and perspectives, and I love a genuinely funny poster I'd love to get rid of the thanks system tbh, but I do find it very useful when I agree with a post. Sometimes people put so much effort into their posts, and especially in PI. They don't have to do that, but they do.

But don't let such a small thing bother you. I like your posts, you make a lot of sense, and you do put effort into your posts

Thanks, that's really sweet . It's an irrational worry though, with no basis in reality. It only happens every now and then, usually if I've been interacting with a person a lot either on boards or in RL.

Theres no harm in being prepared Faith. I think a lil counselling could be a real benefit to you. You might have gotten it from your mum, but a good cousellor could change your perspective on things. Theres absolutely nothing wrong with popping by and having a chat about life in general with a counseller, I see one myself and its a real relief walking out every single time

Theres such a cliche about going to a counseller in Ireland still, its such a shame. Americans drop it into conversation like they're talking about going to the dentist or a doctors appointment. I really hope you don't mind me saying, but I think most of us could do with having a chat with a counsellor every ones in a while, and I really think that maybe this could help you a lil

I'm actually supposed to start getting counseling purely as part of my training to be a psychologist (can't be transferring your own issues onto a client!) but when I looked into it, it was crazy expensive. Still though, I'd agree with you that it would be a good idea, even as a general exercise . Everyone could do with some counseling, I think!

Wibbs wrote: »

Yea but guess what? In a few weeks, while you worry, you'll do absolutely fine if not great in your volunteer position. I'll put down 50 quid now that you will. And I'm a cheapskate who works the odds, so basically Faith you owe me 50 quid. :)

But... what... how the hell? Damn you Wibbs! :pac:

I'd actually agree with you in a way about the big things, as long as they have to do with me. I've a very strong family history of breast cancer, and when my mum got it, I just accepted I'd be next in line. I've the Breast Cancer Awareness symbol tattoo'd on my shoulder and all. People get quite freaked out when they hear me being so matter of fact about it! The way I see it is, if I get it, it won't be for another 30 years or so, and by then cancer will probably be no different to the flu or something.

Maple

I used to be alot worse than I am now, worrying if i'd offended people about X, Y or Z. Now I just tell myself, I've tried my hardest and been as upfront and honest as possible and if they're not impressed with that well then screw 'em.

I just try to be as honest and open about things as possible, that way I'm not carrying any guilt or niggles so my conscience doesn't bother me.

The only thing I'm a worrier about is organising things, I'm a bit of a control freak about it to be perfectly frank. If I'm not the one who's sorted it out then I have a bit of a mare thinking it's all going to go pear-shaped. So I tend to take control of events just to get rid of that niggle, so that I know if it all goes t1ts up it's not because I haven't done my job.

princess-lala

I worry way too much!

Little things bother me and build up and I can't let go! I think I get that from my dad!

Big things don't bother me as much for some reason!

Maple

The other thing I have stopped (well tried to) worrying about how people feel about certain situations in their lives.

For example my parents are divorced, and I'm the eldest, it was a very acrimonious split and I spent my twenties constantly worrying about how my younger siblings were feeling and how the split was affecting their daily lives. I was a shattered wreck, mulling over every emotional tangent possible.

Now I've learned to let the people in my life know that I'm here for them if they need to talk, if I'm aware of a situation they have going on then I do make sure to ask them how it's going but when the conversation is over I leave it with them and try not to take it home with me.

pinkpigs

Yip, total out and out worrier. As a kid I watched my Mum worry over money. There was five of us and very little money in the house. It's something that has subconsciously seaped into brain. Mainly the things that keeps me away at night is I'm up to my neck in debt and I'm doing to die a lonely old spinster with just two pet pigs to keep me company!

P.P.

Abi

Faith wrote: »

Thanks, that's really sweet . It's an irrational worry though, with no basis in reality. It only happens every now and then, usually if I've been interacting with a person a lot either on boards or in RL.

I know what you mean. That Wibbs bastard never thanks my posts anymore >_>

Serious note: I've online friends here, and those I've met in RL. It really doesn't mean anything to me if they thank me or not. Think about it, if you're friends with anyone on boards in either sense - if you keep thanking each others posts, it looks a bit cliquey and up each others arses. Theres a few people on boards, that share a lot of the same opinions as me, and I'll only ever see them thank me when I've really put some effort into a post and they agree with me. I've received a few PM's as a result, because something I might have said either helped and maybe even changed their perspective on something. If I don't get thanked for something, I expect because its my own personal opinion on something, and it mightn't be shared. But thats okay too, its what sets us apart from everyone else, yano

I know you said its just one of those irrational things, but really its just as simple as the above Faith

I'm actually supposed to start getting counseling purely as part of my training to be a psychologist (can't be transferring your own issues onto a client!) but when I looked into it, it was crazy expensive. Still though, I'd agree with you that it would be a good idea, even as a general exercise .

Have a chat with your GP Faith, let him / her know that money is tight and if they could recommend someone. I let things get on top of me a bit in the past, and I'm sorry that I did. People take their minds and mental health for granted. But its every bit as important as your teeth, and general health.

I didn't know you were studying psychology, I did a short course in it too, and its very interesting. I've no doubt you'll do well in it. You could easily pull a positive from your own situation here, you've an insight into worrying / irrational worrying, there are a lot of people who worry excessively and your experience could be benefical here.

Everyone could do with some counseling, I think!

Agree completely, I come out feeling so relieved, thinking a lot clearer, and my brain unscrambled :pac:

Wibbs

Faith wrote: »

Oops, didn't mean to turn this into a PI thread for myself!

Cool by me. I'm up 50 quid already. :pac:

It's an irrational worry though, with no basis in reality. It only happens every now and then, usually if I've been interacting with a person a lot either on boards or in RL.

I'd have a touch of that with people I know. People I dont know or dont like, no matter what they say or do, it really doesnt affect me at all. Unless its someone being unfair for the sake of it and it affects me or others. Then I get pissed off though

I'm actually supposed to start getting counseling purely as part of my training to be a psychologist (can't be transferring your own issues onto a client!) but when I looked into it, it was crazy expensive. Still though, I'd agree with you that it would be a good idea, even as a general exercise . Everyone could do with some counseling, I think!

I reckon it's a good bet if you want to be a psychologist alright. For most people, not suffering a mental illness or emotional insult that affects their lives? I dunno. I have issues with the whole therapy thing TBH. Not a popular opinion these days I'd say, but there you go. Well the "oh you must have issues, therefore go for therapy" vibe. That said I have more faith in that avenue than I would for the drug therapy aimed at people needlessly medicalised, even though they've very mild issues. I mean more in the US say, where they'll put kids on SSRI's and the like way way more than here. Hell they'll even juice up dogs and cats. :eek: Get back to me in 20 years and then tell me it was a good idea for those cases.

I've the Breast Cancer Awareness symbol tattoo'd on my shoulder and all.

That's pretty cool TBH.

People get quite freaked out when they hear me being so matter of fact about it! The way I see it is, if I get it, it won't be for another 30 years or so, and by then cancer will probably be no different to the flu or something.

That seems to be the way its going alright. The leaps and bounds the men and women in white coats have made even in the last ten years are pretty amazing. I reckon it will be a chronic disease you live with, but dont die from.

bambera

Faith wrote: »

I worry about being burgled every night I'm home alone. .

I'm always freaked out by that too. I leave every single light on in the house if I'm there alone. One time it was 12am and there was a knock on the door and a mumble, thought it was just my boyfriend messing, eventually could make out that the guy was saying "dominos", que me standing on one side of the door with a knife in hand shouting "I didn't order any dominos!" and him repeating my address. After about 10 mins I could hear a mop head pulling off so he was most likely a genuine dominos guy. Didn't stop me from sleeping on the couch with the knife beside me till the bf came home though!

Sometimes I'm go with the flow and sometimes I definitely worry too much.
I've to drive into town on friday which I haven't really done before and I can't stop worrying about it :eek::eek: and then next week I need to take a connecting flight that isn't all in one so I'll have to run around the airport re-checking in etc...:eek:
Sometimes I think my OH worries a lot more about little things than I do though.

mikemac

Definitly, check the username :cool:

Worry over things I can control and even more time over things I cannot control.

I cannot go asleep with checking the doors locked, immersion off , oven off and end up doing several laps of the flat to check everything.
Or maybe be walking to the shops, wondering did I remember my wallet in my bag and would stop to check.....3 or 4 times to check. Walk 100 metres, stop and check, maybe then walk 200 metres and I'm checking again!
Or be walking to work, convince myself I never locked the front door so have to go back home to check, and I had checked multiple times already.
Do I have correct change for the bus, I could count my change several times waiting for the bus.

And worry over things that I cannot control. That person was whispering when I passed by, or that person ignored me when I said hello, on no......I must be a horrible person and they hate me

I think I better stroll over to PI forum

up for anything

maple wrote: »

Now I've learned to let the people in my life know that I'm here for them if they need to talk, if I'm aware of a situation they have going on then I do make sure to ask them how it's going but when the conversation is over I leave it with them and try not to take it home with me.

This what I am trying to achieve in the way that I deal with my children. I find myself worrying and panicking over stuff that they have told me ending up worrying for 48 hours straight about why my daughter's friends have stopped speaking to her and is it them or her or is she just being ultra-sensitive and what I can do to fix it and how she must be feeling in school having to brush it off and so on and on and on and on and on....................... then things seem to go back to normal and by the time I discover this I am worn out with worry - over nothing!

With most things though I can let go. It's only the children I sweat over and then mostly concerning their interactions with other people (friends principally).

Maple

up for anything wrote: »

With most things though I can let go. It's only the children I sweat over and then mostly concerning their interactions with other people (friends principally).

Me too.

We're all very close, probably unnaturally close, as a result of my folks splitting and I assumed a maternal role. I was so intent on protecting them from everything and everyone that had the potential to hurt them, I drove myself batty. I was always on the phone to them, or driving them somewhere or doling out money and any doubts I had that niggled I shut up by telling myself that they were my siblings and that's what you do for family.

But they need to live and to be able to fend for themselves, it's ok to be supportive but not run yourself into the ground in the process!

I just tell myself to worry/stress about the things I can change and let go of the things that I can't. It works, kinda!

hobochris

I think my GF is the worrier in our relationship. I am the problem solver , I generally come up with a solution to something before its needs to be worried about(most the time).