Odd hypothetical question

The_Minister

Hypothetical question:

You have been goods friends with a guy for over a year, you get on well.
Unbeknownst to you, he 'likes' you, and finally gets up the courage to tell you.

You don't like him back.

Do you stay friends with him afterwards, or are you weirded out by the whole thing?

Pembily

The_Minister wrote: »

Hypothetical question:

You have been goods friends with a guy for over a year, you get on well.
Unbeknownst to you, he 'likes' you, and finally gets up the courage to tell you.

You don't like him back.

Do you stay friends with him afterwards, or are you weirded out by the whole thing?

Stay friends, once he is aware of the fact yo don't like him and won't. The feelings go away!!! I liked a good friend for a while and I am over it now, liked him for about a year, said it, he said sorry but no in a polite way and we are now friends and I am not attracted to him!!!

Faith

It's happened to me, and we've stayed friends. But I was a bit freaked out by the depth of his feelings, so I took a massive step back from the friendship for a good while, until we were both past it. I'll be honest, our friendship never quite went back to how it used to be, but that may have had more to do with our lived going in very different directions since, rather than his feelings.

Links234

I'd stay friends, but it would probably be a bit weird for a little

G86

Definitely stay friends. It'd take alot of balls to say it, and if he was my friend the last thing I'd want to do is hurt him, so if he was ok with it I'd just want to keep things the way they were.

RacoonQueen

This happened to a couple of times. With one in particular he would have been by far one of my best friends and I loved him to bits, as a friend. I knew he liked me initially but always thought he knew I didn't feel the same way. Sadly, he didn't and it left him really hurt. We both pulled back from the friendship for a while but I always remained 'there' for when he was ready to come back. Everything went back to normal until he started going out with someone else and now we barely speak to or see each other.

Typing just pissed me off, I miss him.

panda100

I'd have no problem staying friends with someone who declared deeper feelings for me.
From experience I find that the guy generally can't handle being friends afterwards, especially when a new fella come on the scene.

G86

RacoonQueen wrote: »

Everything went back to normal until he started going out with someone else and now we barely speak to or see each other.

Typing just pissed me off, I miss him.

Aye this happened me too with a mate a while back, meh.

Panthro

Thats a tough one.
If ye do happen to stay friends, do you think you will be able to connect/talk to him about everything and anything like ye did before you knew how he felt? My guess is you will (maybe not even intentionally) distance yourself from him, and that could cause futher upset to both parties.
He might be well able to remain friends, he may be someone who can get over someone else easily enough, if so, happy days. The friendship may just fizzle out over time as they do sometimes, but thats pretty much playing a waiting and see how things go kind of game.
If you cut the cord on the friendship altogether, you may be cutting off your nose to spite your face type scenario. Best thing you did was to make it perfectly clear to him that nothing was/is/will be there for him on your part, and if hes fine to continue being friends, then play along and see how things go, the whole thing may well be just a stepping stone to a long lasting friendship.
best of luck with it:)

Novella

If he was cool with staying friends, I would be too. I'd understand if he felt awkward afterwards or whatever and wanted to take a step back.

Posy

I would hope we could remain friends. However, I would worry that he'd always secretly still have feelings for me and just not mention it for the sake of the friendship.
But saying "I'm NOT attracted to you, never have been, never will be.. hope we can stay friends, though!" is easier said than done. It may not be a case that you don't want to stay friends afterwards, but that the 'rejected' party no longer wants to maintain the friendship with you.

Xiney

"Amour, toux, fumée et richesses ne se peuvent cacher longtemps."


Love, a cough, smoke and money can't be hidden for long.


She'll figure it out if you don't tell her, so you might as well be up front.

Ickle Magoo

I have to say, I'd be a bit wierded out and take a step back for a while but ultimately I'd hope to stay friends.

Dr Bolouswki

I think it unbalances the "freindship" too much. Although, I wouldn't consdier it a "friendship" anyway if he fancied you all along - more of a tentative courtship really.

convert

This actually just happened to me about a few weeks ago. I had suspected that the guy liked me, but didn't react because a) I don't like him in that way and b) I'm in a relationship.

Anyway, he just blurted it out in a text one day - it literally came out of the middle of nowhere. Before I got a chance to reply he'd said something and I was able to brush it off with 'I actually suspected but didn't want to say anything' and we left it at that until a few days later he texted back saying he was sorry for sending the text as he thought I was single and hoped it wouldn't be awkward.

I was actually kind of relieved it was out in the open and told him so, but he didn't reply, so the next day I made a joke out of it asking if he wasn't going to talk to me again, and he replied in a similar vein, so everything has worked out ok so far.

Does it bother me? No. Would I stop talking to someone because they told me they liked me? No. Does it make things awkward? No, not really. For me it's worse not knowing for definite as I try to be really careful not to lead someone on if I suspect they have feelings for me and I don't reciprocate, sometimes to the point of being a little too distant.

Wibbs

Novella wrote: »

If he was cool with staying friends, I would be too. I'd understand if he felt awkward afterwards or whatever and wanted to take a step back.

This. I dunno how I would react as the guy. I've not had it happen yet where I fancied a mate. If I did? I doubt I'd tell her TBH. Probably just drift out of her life. Unless I got an indication she felt similar. Otherwise why put myself through any emotional hassle of watching her go off with some other bloke etc? Life's too short.

I've only been in the receiving end twice in my life. In both cases I tried to be as nice as possible, while saying it wasnt going to happen. Also in both cases I drifted out of their lives. For the same reason as above. For their sake. Now neither were good mates particularly, so maybe that would make a diff, but I figured(and still do) that not keeping their hopes alive and giving them hassle trumped anything I was getting out of the friendship. I would be of the opinion that those people who keep others around knowing they're in love with them a tad self centred.

La frog fairy

im pretty sure if i would fancy a male friend i would never say anything, my extreme shyness would prevent me bluring it out fearing he wouldnt feel the same;) my point being if he felt the same something would have happened already.

Anyway, how do you stay friend after that like nothing was said

i had a male friend who kinda told me that once, i was honest and told him gently (i think;) i didnt feel the same back, though I did back off a little from hanging out after that, i didnt want to lead him on and i was afraid i would by staying in contact as much.
Its like a break up though you never went out together in a weird way.