Bringing babies to the church: really disrespectful

Dostoevsky

Just back from another church wedding and I have to say I find these parents who bring babies into church to be deeply disrespectful and inconsiderate. Yesterday was a particularly bad example where no fewer than three babies were crying at the one time, the adult would get up (finally!) and walk around the aisle or the back trying to becalm the baby but after a while the baby would start up again. While the couple were saying their vows the babies were bawling and the adults still did not remove themselves from the church. Really, really bad form.

Why is it beyond the basic consideration of the adult to either A) get a babysitter or bring the child out of the church entirely as soon as possible rather that hope in vain that he/she will stop crying?

Last summer the same situation happened at a different wedding and I know the bride in question is not a big fan of the adult in question since. And rightly so. I know if I had a baby in a church I would use the slightest hint of crying as an opportunity to absent myself from the church asap.

Would you like babies to be at your wedding ceremony?

Owen

Could be worse. What gets my goat are the parents who let their kids slide across the dance floor all night. No one will get up dancing if there's 4 kids sliding all over the floor, meaning the B&G might as well not have bothered getting a band to entertain their guests. This usually drags on for the whole first half.

Seth Brundle

The poll is wrong and should ask whether one would want crying babies at a wedding. I've brought my kids to weddings and funerals and they didn't cry!
Anyhow, I was under the impression that a Church was a place to worship God and stuff. I didn't realise that it was so that the bride could have a perfect wedding!

themadchef

No.

LOL Might as well leave the ugly people out of the photographs too.

Marriage is not all about the perfect day. The church is not all about fashion and who's who at the doo. Crying babies are part of life and any couple getting married can only hope to be the couple doting over a child one day. Alot of couples are not blessed as such.

If you want no babies then simply dont invite the parents who have them or be straight and say "dont want babies at our wedding".

tinkerbell

It is up to the bride and groom to specify if they want children at their wedding or not. For me personally, I would not want babies or children at my wedding, I think a wedding is not really an appropriate place for very young children.

Seth Brundle

Why?
A wedding is supposed to be showing love and all that and as what themadchef wrote, most couples would be wanting some kids of their own in time so the only reason to exclude kids from any religious service is because you simply don't want to hear them.
However, a church is supposed to be God's house and they have as much right to be there as anyone else.

omahaid

I assume this should be crying babies? If mine is crying loudly then I would go outside with the baby, surely its rude to just sit there with a screaming baby?

cyning

If you have babies at your wedding at all you need to be prepared that they wil cry. I do not want a baby in sight of my wedding. If I was trying to make my vows (one of the most important times of my life i hope), and there was a baby crying I would be upset.

It might be seen as selfish but why should I spend a year planning my wedding (and saving for it!) to have the most important part potentially ruined by a screaming baby?

gbee

themadchef wrote: »

LOL Might as well leave the ugly people out of the photographs too..

Now this I fully agree with, as a photographer myself.

The bride should send a reminder with her invite. AND if you look up the protocols and etiquette the junior groomsman's duties would include asking people to leave, ensuring people take and keep their seats as well as assisting in other duties.

I'm afraid people have totally forgotten the duties of the bridal party, in so many cases I've had to fix the Bride's attire myself, that's the prime duty of the chief bridesmaid and so on and so forth.

The bride's ushers [groomsmen] should have asked the parents to remove their crying babies ~ nicely but firmly. Even to stopping the ceremony to allow the parent to do so.

Seth Brundle

cyning wrote: »

If you have babies at your wedding at all you need to be prepared that they wil cry. I do not want a baby in sight of my wedding. If I was trying to make my vows (one of the most important times of my life i hope), and there was a baby crying I would be upset.

It might be seen as selfish but why should I spend a year planning my wedding (and saving for it!) to have the most important part potentially ruined by a screaming baby?

I suspect that you would be upset because your day was too noisy for your wedding video or whatever but it looks like you are missing the actual purpose of the event!

The fact that you refer to the cost and preparation involved lead me to believe that you are looking at it from the perspective of having a great day with loads of people there to see you in your fancy gear and then go to a big hotel and eat a huge cake and have a lovely toast and then listen to the various speeches. The reason for using a church is to make the commitment in front of God and your family & friends and to make a union between yourself and fiance. We have become too commercial and now expect to have a Hollywood style wedding where everything is perfect. In that case, why go to a church?

Seth Brundle

gbee wrote: »

The bride should send a reminder with her invite. AND if you look up the protocols and etiquette the junior groomsman's duties would include asking people to leave, ensuring people take and keep their seats as well as assisting in other duties.

I'm afraid people have totally forgotten the duties of the bridal party, in so many cases I've had to fix the Bride's attire myself, that's the prime duty of the chief bridesmaid and so on and so forth.

The bride's ushers [groomsmen] should have asked the parents to remove their crying babies ~ nicely but firmly. Even to stopping the ceremony to allow the parent to do so.

As a church is open to all, there would be nothing stopping me popping along and saying a few decades of the rosary or whatever and to do so at a normal tone rather than whispering. Would you ask me to leave?
If so, what right do you have to do so?
Do you think I would leave because you asked me to?

themadchef

No.

So the whole church thing is just for show, for the pretty, quiet, awesome adult guests. Righhhhtt.

Please, if youre going to have a wedding like this let your guests know. You may find you end up with very few.

gbee

kbannon wrote: »

The reason for using a church is to make the commitment in front of God and your family & friends and to make a union between yourself and fiance.

You're going in the wrong direction with your criticism, you do know the bride hires the church for the the hour or so, it then become HERs to do with, within the contract, pretty much as she wishes.

If that means invites only, guests wearing pink only etc, so be it.

Seth Brundle

contract?

cyning

kbannon wrote: »

I suspect that you would be upset because your day was too noisy for your wedding video or whatever but it looks like you are missing the actual purpose of the event!

I'm not having a dvd... i would be upset because I want to stand there in front of our friends and families and make a committment to the man i want to be with for the rest of my life. Is that not the purpose of the event? And yes if a baby started to cry in the middle of that I wouln't be happy: they would be interrupting THE most important part of the day. If I didn't go to Church and didn't believe in God I'd get married somewhere else.

Seth Brundle

The whole premise of a Christian marriage is to bring two people together as one and with the aim of starting a family.
So all children have no place at this event? Is that a Christian attitude?

When I got married I wouldn't have cared if a cement mixer was driven into the doors of the church because I didn't care and nothing was going to intefere with what I started off doing.

Regarding the preparation and expense, you mentioned it. However, there is next to no expense to get married. There are costs involved in making the day a fancy event for everyone which is quite different.

But to exclude children (and in many cases, their parents) is offensive to those who otherwise you would have wanted to share the day with and I would suspect that its offensive to the God you proclaim to believe in.

themadchef

No.

cyning wrote: »

I'm not having a dvd... i would be upset because I want to stand there in front of our friends and families and make a committment to the man i want to be with for the rest of my life. Is that not the purpose of the event? And yes if a baby started to cry in the middle of that I wouln't be happy: they would be interrupting THE most important part of the day. If I didn't go to Church and didn't believe in God I'd get married somewhere else.

If your best friend just had a baby a couple of weeks / months before your wedding and you have obviously invited her..... what do you expect her to do with a baby she is possibly breast feeding?

If the baby starts to cry then yes, if it was me i would be out of there, not everyone will do that though.

So basically should you speak out about your concern over disturbances during the ceremony.

On my wedding day there was a thunder storm right in the middle of the vows. It was so loud you can barly hear a thing in the church from the rattle of hailstones on the roof and the claps of thunder. The day will bring what the day will bring. You cannot control every minute detail

gbee

kbannon wrote: »

If so, what right do you have to do so?
Do you think I would leave because you asked me to?

Yes, it has happened and in one occasion the guards were called to remove drunks in the case I have in mind.

The church is NOT open to the public, if the ceremony is run correctly, guests should have their invites and show them to the ushers, family members often stand with ushers in the absence of invites and after the Bride arrives the doors are closed and an usher leave no one else in.

And yes I know most brides don't do this, but she does have the power, it's her church for the hour.

And take tourist locations like Gougane Bara or Blarney Castle or House, Fota etc, whilst these are open to the public and the paying public, while the bride is there the facilities or parts thereof are off bounds to tourists.

cyning

kbannon wrote: »

The whole premise of a Christian marriage is to bring two people together as one and with the aim of starting a family.
So all children have no place at this event? Is that a Christian attitude?

I never said I wasn't having children. There is a big difference between a child and a baby. What the OP was referring to was screaming babies. I have I think 20 children coming to my wedding. I'll let you know. I also don't believe a church is an appropriate place for a baby.

But to exclude children (and in many cases, their parents) is offensive to those who otherwise you would have wanted to share the day with and I would suspect that its offensive to the God you proclaim to believe in.

Wow. Just wow. Condescend much? The God I proclaim to believe in? No I just believe in God. I don't believe I am offending anyone by not inviting babies. God or my friends or family.

themadchef wrote: »

If your best friend just had a baby a couple of weeks / months before your wedding and you have obviously invited her..... what do you expect her to do with a baby she is possibly breast feeding?

My friends know how I feel on this. Most of them feel the same. But no, even then for the HOUR my ceremony will take I still wouldn't want any babies there.

Ickle Magoo

No.

gbee wrote: »

Yes, it has happened and in one occasion the guards were called to remove drunks in the case I have in mind.

The church is NOT open to the public, if the ceremony is run correctly, guests should have their invites and show them to the ushers, family members often stand with ushers in the absence of invites and after the Bride arrives the doors are closed and an usher leave no one else in.

And yes I know most brides don't do this, but she does have the power, it's her church for the hour.

And take tourist locations like Gougane Bara or Blarney Castle or House, Fota etc, whilst these are open to the public and the paying public, while the bride is there the facilities or parts thereof are off bounds to tourists.

I thought the reason you couldn't get married in your garden at home was that the ceremony has to be carried out in a place accessible to the public, so any objections or so on can be made...

The venue for the ceremony is a matter for the religious body. According to the legislation the place where the solemnisation takes place must be open to the public. This means that access to the venue for the general public must be unrestricted.

citizens info.ie

We had babies at our wedding and were glad to have them. A bit of crying, coughing and snuffling is par for the course regardless of the age of the guests, in my experience.

aviendha

Ah come on, not wanting a baby crying throughout your ceremony is hardly anti-God! I don't think either the priest or the mass-attendees would appreciate crying all the way throughout the ceremony - how are you supposed to hear the ceremony, the homily, the vows.. you'd have a pain in your head, and the priest losing his voice trying to shout over the din.

I'm not anti-babies, but I personally think that a solemn place of prayer and reflection is not a place for a crying baby, same way that I believe that a wedding celebration late at night where adults are drinking/drunk is no place for young children.

alex73

No.

A wedding is about Family... I am sick of how the Irish Culture as become so focused on invite lists and "who to put on Afters.."

I lived abroad for many years and it was an ocasion for family to get together.

Of course kids should be at a wedding, Babies aswell, why not, they are part of family, part of life.

When I got married my wife was invitingin people the very day of the wedding, we invited everyone we knew ... no afters.. So nobody was oftened as everyone was invited.

Where did the Irish thing of afters come from.... When I see invites to afters I dump them.


PS.When the baby cries the polite thing is the leave the chapel.

Seth Brundle

alex73 wrote: »

PS.When the baby cries the polite thing is the leave the chapel.

I agree, but this is at the parents discretion and not some poxy rule composed by someone who you thought was a friend

ThePiedPiper

The only crying baby at our wedding cermony was our own, and thankfully we had a couple of relatives willing to take our kid outside so we could continue on. The priest was good enough to ask us if he wanted to wait for a few minutes before the vows until our child was settled.

We tried our best to get someone to mind our baby on our wedding day, because loud music, lots of guests, photos, etc. is really not something a baby enjoys. However, all the people us and our baby are comfortable with were at the wedding so we'd no option.

I wouldn't even consider bringing a baby to a full day at a wedding, not just because of how the bride and groom may think of it, moreso because a baby simply has no interest in noise, being outside their own comfort zone, everyone trying to cuddle them all day and routine being thrown out the window. The only times our baby has been in the church has been christening, Christmas, a couple of anniversary masses, funerals and our wedding. At the end of the day, nobody wants a screeching baby in church, simple as. On any of those occassions where our baby got bored, tired or hungry and started crying, one of us took baby outside to settle.

I've seen a couple of times where parents have brought babies to weddings and guests are pawning over the baby and probably taking attention away from the bride. For one day, a bride gets to be have the limelight and be centre of attention. Young babies should be left with a suitable babysitter where they are happier, the parents will have a more relaxing time and the Bride and Groom will have their day without distractions.

alex73

alex73 wrote: »

A wedding is about Family...


ia that in the official wedding rulebook?....oh wait a minute, there is no rulebook because a wedding is personalised to the very people involved, is the bride and groom... "who pays the piper calls the tune" and all that. When i got married there was a no child policy at my wedding, i make no apologies for that, ive been to too many weddings where poor little kids had to witness their parents drinking all day and night, its so disrespectful to allow babies crying during any church cermemony, people dont have a problem critising when a persons phone rings during mass, this is the same thing.

I have a child myself and just last saturday i couldnt attend a friends wedding because i had no babysitter, it didnt bother me one whit, i know the bride and groom very well and respected their no child policy the way they respected mine. Its nothing to do with "the big Show" etc, but each wedding is personal to the bride and groom, they should make no apologies for whom they do or do not invite.

If you invite kids to the wedding, be prepared for noise... but parents who do bring kids should show some respect if their little angel is crying.

Bottle_of_Smoke

No.

kbannon wrote: »

Why?
A wedding is supposed to be showing love and all that and as what themadchef wrote, most couples would be wanting some kids of their own in time so the only reason to exclude kids from any religious service is because you simply don't want to hear them.
However, a church is supposed to be God's house and they have as much right to be there as anyone else.

The church service is incredibly boring for most adults and all kids. Adults have the social awareness not to entertain themselves audibly which children do not.

My wedding I don't think I'd care (and probably grateful for the distraction to settle my nerves) but I suppose in a church there's an air of formality that would upset some people.

Toots

No.

I suppose it's each to their own, but a lot of my friends and family have young children and there's no way I'd be telling them their child wasn't welcome at our wedding. I'm looking forward to seeing all the kids at our day and they're all really excited about coming (I don't envy their parents trying to get them to bed the night before).

I think a certain bit of background noise is expected from the congregation in general, ie coughing sneezing or babies gurgling, but if a kid were to start acting up or crying and the parent or whoever kept them in the church, then I would be annoyed about it.

Firstly if the kid is freaking out it's not pleasant for the child themself, and keeping them in a situation where they're upset and they know that other people are annoyed at them (cos kids do pick up on these things) will only make them worse. Taking them outside for a little change of scenery could calm them down and they could come back in and enjoy the rest of the scenery. Secondly it's awful for everyone else in the church if they're struggling to hear what's being said over the noise. I think parents who just ignore the kid crying are being very selfish, doing nothing is unfair on the kid and on the rest of the guests.

I was at a wedding last year where at the beginning the priest was doing his few words before the ceremony started, and along with asking people to turn off their mobile phones, he pointed out that there was a bathroom beside the sacristy if it was needed during the mass (sometimes when a kid has to go, they have to go quick) and also asked that if any children got upset that their parents took them outside for a little walk. He phrased it really nicely though, not in a kind of 'giving out' way, saying that there was a nice garden behind the church and that there's always nice birds at the bird feeder etc, so that way if any kids did have to be taken outside, they didn't feel like they were being punished. Obviously this wouldn't work for all the churches, but I just thought it was a really lovely way of gently reminding parents to take the kids out if they start creating a racket.

Bottle_of_Smoke

No.

Sounds like a good priest. Bet he's the type who makes the service more enjoyable and less boring for kids too!

Toots

No.

Yeah, he's a really nice guy, cracked a few jokes with the couple on the altar to ease the nervousness, his homily was really simple and fun so the kids could understand it too, pretty much your dream priest for a wedding. We're lucky in that our local church has really sound priests too, they're all very easygoing and helpful, which was great cos I'm not religious at all and was worried about getting a very staunch priest who'd give out to me for not going to mass

Sandy22

Matthew 19:14

iguana

No.

My grandmother talked right through my wedding. Her hearing aid wasn't working properly so all through the (short) ceremony she could be heard loudly asking my mother what was happening now. Then when the registrar said to my husband "Will you X take Iguana as your lawful wedded wife....." he jumped right in and said "I will!" The registrar had to tell him to hold his horses she wasn't finished yet and everyone burst out laughing, and the registrar started joking about how at least he was eager, which made people laugh more. And my nana heard none of it so was really loudly asking my mother what was going on. But my nana couldn't hear my mother either and my poor mother had to loudly shush her as she was missing everything . And then we were married, which was the actual point of the exercise so it all worked out fine.:)

seamus

Weddings are no place for children. They have no idea what's going on, they're not in the slightest bit interested in what's going on and they detract the focus of the wedding from the bride and groom.

There's a fifty-fifty thing going on here. Neither the couple nor the child's parents should assume that anyone should do anything. The couple should make their wishes known to those with children and those with children should enquire as to whether it would be appropriate to bring the child, if they haven't been told already.

Zulu

No.

cyning wrote: »

I also don't believe a church is an appropriate place for a baby.

Why, because god(s) hate babies?

rebelmomma

If the B&G have seen fit to invite a friend who has a small baby then they want them as part of their day you as a guest shouldn't really be giving out about them.

I bring my 15 month old to mass, weddings, funerals. The first squawk from him and I bring him outside. It is isn't always an option for people to leave their children at home so this should be kept in mind also.

All are welcomes in Gods church so really it is a bit disrepectful in my eyes to say that children shouldn't be allowed in mass.

Ash.J.Williams

cyning wrote: »

If you have babies at your wedding at all you need to be prepared that they wil cry. I do not want a baby in sight of my wedding. If I was trying to make my vows (one of the most important times of my life i hope), and there was a baby crying I would be upset.

It might be seen as selfish but why should I spend a year planning my wedding (and saving for it!) to have the most important part potentially ruined by a screaming baby?

Try a registry office?

Thumpette

No.

I dont mind kids or babies at a wedding. I suppose if they are really screaming i'd hope the paretns might be consider enough to bring them outside but I certainly wouldnt want any of the wedding party embarassing my friends or family asking them to go outside.

Really- if its all you have to worry about on your big day its not so bad!

Kooli

Ash.J.Williams wrote: »

Try a registry office?

What difference would that make?

I think the wording of the poll might be getting people's backs up, because the issue here doesn't seem to be about kids in general, but when a kid starts screaming crying and the parent doesn't leave the ceremony. That would drive me BANANAS if it was during my vows, the exchanging of the rings, a special reading...any part of the ceremony actually! It is literally the most important part of the day, and it is all about the words that are being said!

optogirl

No.

gbee wrote: »

You're going in the wrong direction with your criticism, you do know the bride hires the church for the the hour or so, it then become HERs to do with, within the contract, pretty much as she wishes.

If that means invites only, guests wearing pink only etc, so be it.

Can we see the contract? Hers only? Nice. I though there was usually a fella involved too.
The church is for the community no matter what is going on in it - I remember many's a time going into a church during a wedding when I was small to get a 'look at the bride' even though I didn't know the people involved. If you love your friends then deal with the fact that they may have to bring their kids along to your wedding and that children sometimes cry. Especially when they are forced into a church - it makes me fairly sad too.

mathepac

gbee wrote: »

Yes, it has happened and in one occasion the guards were called to remove drunks in the case I have in mind. ...

Being drunk in a public place is an offence whether there is a wedding in progress or not, and a church (of any denomination) for the purposes of a solemnized wedding ceremony in Ireland must be a place that is open to the public, as pointed out previously.

gbee wrote: »

... The church is NOT open to the public, if the ceremony is run correctly, guests should have their invites and show them to the ushers, family members often stand with ushers in the absence of invites and after the Bride arrives the doors are closed and an usher leave no one else in.

And yes I know most brides don't do this, but she does have the power, it's her church for the hour. ...

What utter nonsense. Did you copy and paste these from some wondrous source of internet mis-information or maybe a Martian site where laws, contracts, protocols etc. are very different to Ireland? I can envisage anyone (let alone the hired help) getting short shrift if they came up with this tripe at a wedding.

gbee wrote: »

... And take tourist locations like Gougane Bara or Blarney Castle or House, Fota etc, whilst these are open to the public and the paying public, while the bride is there the facilities or parts thereof are off bounds to tourists.

Ah, I think I see the problem. Those places are you listed are not churches (but I may be wrong about the "etc"); they may contain their own chapels / rooms for weddings but the buildings themselves are not churches, hence your confusion.

As you meander around Cork City maybe you could stop someone on the street from time to time and ask them to show you a church, any church of any congregation. Have a look inside. With persistence and diligence you'll soon be able to differentiate churches from other buildings and tourist locations.

There might even be a book in it allowing you to do for Cork City's churches what James Joyce did for Dublin streets, boozers, butchers' shops, Martello towers, etc.

cyning

Zulu wrote: »

Why, because god(s) hate babies?

Yes. That is totally the reason :rolleyes: A wedding mass can be long. Its important you are making vows to spend the rest of your life with one person. Babies cry. Thats totally natural. And that could interrupt the vows, and that would bother me. So no I don't think babies should be at a wedding ceremony. Its a personal opinion. It's also the opinion of my OH. If we make a decision as a couple that we don't want babies at our wedding, thats our decision: and I feel very strongly about it.

Ash.J.Williams wrote: »

Try a registry office?

And what difference would that make? Its what Kooli said: it is THE most important part of the day. Its not about it been in a Church.

Seth Brundle

cyning wrote: »

And what difference would that make? Its what Kooli said: it is THE most important part of the day. Its not about it been in a Church.

If I understand you correctly you are saying that your vows are the most important part of the day and it is not about the church, why then get married in a church as you seem to misunderstand the idea of a church wedding?

The supposed purpose of getting married in a church is to make the commitment to each other in the presence of God. As has been said many times over, it is wrong to deliberately exclude children. You could as has been mentioned several times, discreetly ask people to try console screaming children outside but to blanket ban them just in case they make a noise is wrong in the eyes of God!

As for it interrupting you, that's nonsense unless you aren't focused properly on the day! As I said previously, nothing would have stopped me getting my vows out!

furiousox

Bringing babies to the church: really disrespectful?


Totally agree, it's very disrespectful to babies...expecting them to listen to all that nonsense without getting upset!

emma82

I'm inviting my friends and their babies to the service and reception. Our wedding day is one of the most important things (to date) in our lives & we've put a huge amount of thought & effort into our ceremony & our celebrating the start of our lives together in front of God, our family & friends. I personally think its bad form for a parent to sit with a very upset baby throughout any event- regardless of whether its a wedding or not. Babies dont cry for nothing- only when there is something wrong. Its disrespectful to your baby & your friends to sit through the service with an upset baby.

Cat Melodeon

No.

Gas thread.

Agree with what one of the other posters said - if you don't want the risk of having a baby cry during the ceremony, then make 'no children' clear on the invite.

Otherwise, have an usher or the priest address the congregation before the ceremony and ask them nicely to step outside if the baby cries during the ceremony, as it may detract from the solemnity of the vows/quality of the video recording/stability of the bride's nerves etc. Most churches these days have a baby room anyway, so it's no big deal.

When I got married I had a number of friends coming from abroad - obviously I couldn't ask them to leave their babies behind. So all were welcome and it really added to the atmosphere of the day. It made it a proper family occasion with people aged from 9 weeks to 90 years of age. Yes, there was a bit of noise, but I was so loved up in my bubble of matrimonial bliss that I wouldn't have noticed if every single person in the church had started yodelling.

Seriously, if you're up on that altar looking into your partner's eyes and saying the words that are going to bind you together for eternity and you still manage to be distracted by a baby mewling, then maybe you should reconsider the step you're about to take.

Sergio

I am getting married next year in the south of Spain and we have been making sure to tell people that they are invited but not their kids as people would just bring them if we didnt clearly outline it to them.There will be afew kids from my side but not 'Babies' as such.
I think it upto the B&G to decide as its their day.This whole church argument is irrelevant as the babies could start screaming during the speeches in awedding also which would be really disrespectfull and surely the mother or father of the child would use their cop on in that enviornment and go outside with the baby!

suzieled

If Im sending out invites to couples who are parents, and in the invite I invite the couple, if Im understanding some comments above, would I be right in thinking there is a chance that some of them might bring all their children (whether thats babies or kids) to the wedding, even though there were just 2 names on the invite? Has this happened to anyone before? I dont understand why I would have to put "no children" on invites, when their names are not on the invites in the first place.

OS119

suzieled wrote: »

If Im sending out invites to couples who are parents, and in the invite I invite the couple, if Im understanding some comments above, would I be right in thinking there is a chance that some of them might bring all their children (whether thats babies or kids) to the wedding, even though there were just 2 names on the invite? Has this happened to anyone before? I dont understand why I would have to put "no children" on invites, when their names are not on the invites in the first place.

there's two issues which, if you've not got kids, you should be aware of:

firstly that some/most parents consider their kids to be a part of them - that they come as a single entity. in effect, if you invite one part of the entity you invite the whole entity. if you exclude one, you exclude all.

the second is a practical/outlook issue - if you know me well enough to invite me to your wedding, you know that i've got kids - and theres a real, practical element of 'so what do you expect me to do with them for the 12hrs i'm at your wedding?'.

now, this both is, and isn't your problem - its not your problem that other people can't sourse babysitters for 12hrs, OTOH, you know they have a problem and if you genuinely want your friends who have small children to come then you have to make to make it physically possible for them to come.

this is exactly the same as if you have a Granny in a wheelchair - if you really want Granny to be there you can't get married in the turret of a romantic castle - so you either decide to have the perfect location/solemn atmosphere, or you decide to make it as accessible as possible.

you are under absolutely no obligation - even to your closest friends and family - to compromise your wedding to make it easier/possible for them to come, however, remember that they are under no obligation to come to your wedding if childcare is going to be a nightmare and horribly expensive, or indeed that they'd be sat outside the castle because their wheelchair won't fit into the turret.

your wedding, you pay for it, you get decide whats important - but you also get to live with the consequences in terms of who actually bothers to turn up.

iguana

No.

Great post OS119. Just one thing to add. If someone has a very young baby, a few weeks or months old, being apart from them from more than few hours may not be an option, especially if the baby is being breastfed. The mother and baby just won't be able to be apart for more than a short period of time.

smelltheglove

I LOVE weddings with kids. Yes if the child is misbehaving or crying uncontrolablly they should be taken outside but what I love are the funny aspects, most weddings with kids will have a moment in them where the child says or does something that is unforgettable to the couple. At my own wedding as we were doing our vows our 1 year old called out at the top of her voice, we turned to look at her and she just smiled, her timing was perfect.

Jane Summerville

Babies and young children should not be at the wedding ceremony or at the reception if the bride and groom do not want them there and there should be no pressure put on them by family or friends. Firstly no child wants to be stuck in a church where they have to sit still and be told to be quiet for 40 minutes and they shouldn't be expected to, hence the parents should have the common sense not to bring the child. If parents really want to go to the wedding a babysitter isn't too hard to come by and I would have thought that most parents would be delighted to get away from them for a night or two. I am yet to meet a parent who is aware or gives a **** about the others who have to endure listening to their wingy, tantrom throwing brats whether it be in mass or a resturant. Parents nowadays simply don't seem to hear or choose to ignore their children crying or aren't capable of controlling them. Of course I do love my friends and families children but on my special (bloody expensive) day, I do NOT want to listen to a screaming child, if I wanted to listen to screaming children and annoying parents I would go to Dundrum Shopping Centre

hotmail.com

If you ask a couple to a wedding and you don't want their kids to go, you just ask the couple. You don't need to specify anything. Only nieces or nephews, young cousins, the children of the married couple, will be the only kids at weddings and they'll be specifically invited.

If a couple chooses not to go on the basis of their children not being invited, they're probably not very fun people and it's a good thing they won't go.

RE: kids crying in churches - eh who cares!?