Renting from family: Am I paying too much?

didntgotoplan

I have just got my first full time job and now my mother wants me to pay to live with her like someone renting a house share (I normally gave her €75 a week when I was working part time, this pretty much included all the food and bills). It's fine by me, it means I'll be more independent and will be able to get used to the situation if I moved out eventually.

The problem is I've been checking the rent around where I live and the average rent of a room is ranging €300-350 a month for a room of the same size not including bills, where my mom is charging €475 per month including bills for electricity, heating, internet.

One of my friends said my mother is probably basing the rent on the average prices in the city, but we are a bit far from the city centre but are connected to it by regular buses, and thinks it's a bit expensive from her own experience in renting! I haven't a clue if it's expensive or not. I don't really have a say in it, if I don't wish to pay it she told me to move out or live with my dad!

My room is a large double room, I'm allowed to use all the appliances except the dishwasher and have been given my own mini fridge freezer to store food.

highlydebased

If it were me I'd get a place of my own.

djimi

If youre going to pay that kind of money then surely youd be better off moving into your own place away from your parents?

aujopimur

I think you ma is ripping you off.

Roro4Brit

Not paying too much over the odds anyhow considering this includes tv, Internet, heating...those bills do rack up...seems about right actually.

You could just take the leap and move in to your own place, would cost about the same to house share and the freedom will be priceless!!

PS your ma rocks!!!

munstergirl

Is your mum struggling for money or really poor. If so fair enough.

But she sounds like a greedy landlord.

+1 move out.

amdublin

Well considering the €475 is everything (bills etc) it probably is just about okay.

But it sounds a bit like hell to me.

Not allowed use the dishwasher Wtf!!!!!
Mini fridge in your room :eek:

It sounds like a bedsit or something!

Do you want to move out???? If so, I think it is an ideal time....

didntgotoplan

I was going to give it a go a month or two, to save up a deposit for somewhere of my own. I was trying to look somewhere closer to work but it would cost more than what I'm paying already, from what I looked up.

The only good thing as she is my mother, she would give me a bit of leeway if something happened to the job or if I was struggling. I'll have a talk with her about it, maybe try and reduce it.
My brother moved out during the last few weeks, so maybe she is trying to make up for some of the money he used to give her.

didntgotoplan

amdublin wrote: »

Well considering the €475 is everything (bills etc) it probably is just about okay.

But it sounds a bit like hell to me.

Not allowed use the dishwasher Wtf!!!!!
Mini fridge in your room :eek:

It sounds like a bedsit or something!

Do you want to move out???? If so, I think it is an ideal time....

Mini fridge is in the kitchen with my own shelves and space in the freezer, she just wants the other kids to know all my stuff goes in there. Not using the dishwasher doesn't really bother me, washing up liquid seems cheaper!

Do I want to move out? Never thought of it until now. Well, I know something is happening in her work that she is worried, so I'd rather help her out but I think she is being a bit unreasonable about the "no negotiation on the rent" part.

munstergirl

Tell your mum you will give her €50 per week + buy your own food, internet.

Tell her celtic tiger is over + you will follow your brother + she will be down to 0.00.

If you rent + loose your job you will get rent allowance.

Living at home paying nearly €500 a month is robbery.

Wolfe Tone

OP move out.

OS119

munstergirl wrote: »

Living at home paying nearly €500 a month is robbery.

that would be my view - €500pcm is about right for all the costs of a good, near-the centre-of-town, comfortable, houseshare.

€500pcm is way over the odds for living with your mum and little brothers and sisters. in a houseshare you stay up as long as you like, bring round who you like, leave pizza boxes lying about, eat what you like, drink what you like, talk about what you like, sleep with who you like - and never have to answer questions about it. thats not quite what you'll get at home...

the market tells your mum she can charge €x, but she failed to note that in the market that €x will also give you almost total freedom - and if she's like every other mother ever born, thats not what she's offering.

didntgotoplan

Thanks guys.
I'll have a talk with her about the price and see if she goes down. If not, I'll find somewhere else to go.

Cathmandooo

Any chance your mother is putting it aside to give back to you when you want to purchase a house? I've heard of parents doing that.

If not it sounds like she wants you to move out and live in the real world. She's not mollycoddling you. Fair play to her, you're an adult, you should be paying your way.

djimi

didntgotoplan wrote: »

Thanks guys.
I'll have a talk with her about the price and see if she goes down. If not, I'll find somewhere else to go.

You wont regret finding your own place. For that kind of money youll easily get somewhere decent and cover bills. If youre going to be paying anything like that to live at home (even if she drops it quite a bit) then you are better off looking for your own place.

Jagle

similiar situation myself, living at home with parents, they wanted me to pay rent i had no problem helping them out cos god knows they have done more then enough for me, we settled on a 20% of my weekly wage, therefore if im sick and need to take time off work or something they wont be taking all of my money, and if i work alot and earn alot they get more, maybe think of something similiar?

JuliusCaesar

OS119 wrote: »

€500pcm is way over the odds for living with your mum and little brothers and sisters. in a houseshare you stay up as long as you like, bring round who you like, leave pizza boxes lying about, eat what you like, drink what you like, talk about what you like, sleep with who you like - and never have to answer questions about it. thats not quite what you'll get at home...

Is that right???

500 sounds reasonable when you consider size of room + no bills. However, how old are your brothers and sisters? Are they ever disruptive? Do you ever mind them?

Your mother may be worried about money, but she can't ask you for the full commercial rent. It's a family home, not rented accommodation.
I presume you'll be on a relatively small salary seeing it's you first full-time job. I also presume your mother would like to give you a good start in life and allow you to build up some savings.

Talk with her.

didntgotoplan

Jagle wrote: »

similiar situation myself, living at home with parents, they wanted me to pay rent i had no problem helping them out cos god knows they have done more then enough for me, we settled on a 20% of my weekly wage, therefore if im sick and need to take time off work or something they wont be taking all of my money, and if i work alot and earn alot they get more, maybe think of something similiar?

That used to be a similar arrangement, except it was about a third of my wages, I had when I was on part time hours as it could vary in hours. I've heard 25% of gross pay should be going towards rent,generally.

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

Is that right???

500 sounds reasonable when you consider size of room + no bills. However, how old are your brothers and sisters? Are they ever disruptive? Do you ever mind them?

Your mother may be worried about money, but she can't ask you for the full commercial rent. It's a family home, not rented accommodation.
I presume you'll be on a relatively small salary seeing it's you first full-time job. I also presume your mother would like to give you a good start in life and allow you to build up some savings.

Talk with her.

The room is pretty big, it can probably fit another double bed in the room comfortably. I'm allowed to come and go as I please and friends are allowed over and do stay at the moment as long as we are quiet enough. She said I won't be asked for anything extra if the bills are more.

The other kids are 14 and 17, so are old enough to not need looking after my me, they pretty much look after each other. They don't really bother me unless it's to tell me they are going somewhere or if we are out of bread/milk/etc, ask me to get some more for them (I used to work in a supermarket so it was easier to buy it at the end of my shift).

It works out nearly 30% of gross pay per month.
I don't believe she wants to get rid of me, I think it's more to learn responsibilities about renting. There is a possibility with this new job of moving to another country if a promotion comes about (this won't be for a long time obviously) so maybe she is trying to get me ready for the real world.

meboloxitis

I think you just answered your own question there op.

You got some great advise here,I would add that you sit down and think long and hard before you make a decision. Sounds like you have it pretty cushy at the mo & if you were to leave the grass may not be as green on the other side!

I bet the money also comes in handy right now for your mom & surely you agree that it's only right you pay your way...

Good luck

TommyT

meboloxitis wrote: »

I bet the money also comes in handy right now for your mom & surely you agree that it's only right you pay your way...

There is paying your way and then there is paying €475 a month to live at home.
OP is your mum subtley telling you to move out?

ebixa82

Your mother just seems to be a really mean and scabby person. Or maybe she doesn't like you for some reason?

Most people are forced to do so for financial reasons. However it makes no sense to have to pay the same as if you had your own place with none of the benefits.

Move out.

D3PO

are we getting the full picture here OP I wonder ?

Your food is paid for right ? I assume your dinner is also cooked for you, your washing is done, ironing etc ?

Maybe Im wrong.

I dont think your mother is "ripping you off" as some are suggesting shes just getting you ready for the real world. I guess the question is however would you rather have the independance or the home comforts.

If you would prefer the independent then move out. If you like the cushy setup of having somebody waiting hand and foot on you then stay home.

ebixa82

Paying to live at home has nothing to do with gaining independence.

What do you learn about the real world if your mother is still cooking food, paying bills and washing your clothes.

By the sounds of it the OP isn't quite ready/mature enough to move out yet. Otherwise they'd be out of there like a shot!

murphym7

ebixa82 wrote: »

Paying to live at home has nothing to do with gaining independence.

What do you learn about the real world if your mother is still cooking food, paying bills and washing your clothes.

By the sounds of it the OP isn't quite ready/mature enough to move out yet. Otherwise they'd be out of there like a shot!

Totally agree with this post - you are learning nothing and you are certainly not being "prepared" for the real world.

Your mum sounds a bit harsh and 475 is way too much to live at home, home cooking and clothes washing considered. I am not sure if you are Male or Female but either way, I don't think your mum would be thrilled to find strange boys/girls walking around the house at 10 am on Sat mornings looking for where the kettle is. This is the freedom you get when you live in a grown up house share.

You need to move out at that price.

faceman

OP the question isnt really what rents are elsewhere. Its your family home. Take into account what you can afford, what you earn and your mother's financial circumstances.

To have a seperate fridge and a ban on a dishwasher, seems a bit mad to me. You're definitely talking about your own family home and not living with someone else's family?

Smcgie

I moved out when I was 16, something I will never regret and something I think should be done with a lot of 18-22year olds. OP It may sound big and scary but you could easily live on €50pw after rent.

Your mother seems to think you won't move, maybe mentioning to her that you don't want to be paying 30% of your salary to her, instead you want to save for your future. If can't agree move.

steve22

you could always try work out what it costs your parents to have you living at home?
a simple quick idea might be to take the average of all the bills, food, mortgage etc and divide by the number in your family. that should give you a rough idea of what each member should contribute to the household... those under 18 are obviously the responsibility of the parents.

Its not a scientific formula but you have to consider all the possible costs rather than basing it on a percentage of your salary... approximately 80% of my salary goes on bills etc :eek:

If youre not happy with the arrangement its probably best to just move out and try it on your own for a while!

Xiney

I got the feeling the OP was paying for his/her own food and cooking it etc, since they have their own fridge and mentioned having full reign on all appliances other than the dishwasher.

cruizer22b

Your mam sounds like a cu@t. No wonder your dad doesnt live there anymore. Go live with him or move out is what id do.

ebixa82

:eek:

cruizer22b wrote: »

Your mam sounds like a cu@t. No wonder your dad doesnt live there anymore. Go live with him or move out is what id do.

The_Conductor

cruizer22b wrote: »

Your mam sounds like a cu@t. No wonder your dad doesnt live there anymore. Go live with him or move out is what id do.

7 Day posting ban from this forum. When your ban is lifted- a little common courtesy and civility towards fellow posters is advised.

adamski8

if you left OP then your mother would get €0 for the room, presuming she wouldnt want a stranger moving in
looking from the strangers POV they wouldnt want to pay full whack to live in a family house
so if your mother is basing what she see's rents in the surrounding area she is not taking this into consideration
so with that in mind €400+ is defo not worth it and thats even leaving aside she is family etc

sambuka41

OP it sounds fair enough,you are an adult working full time. You need to pay your way in the world. And as you say if you haven't got the money for some reason she will be more understanding than a landlord!! It sounds like she needs the money and is not able to say it to you out right,she's probably embarrassed.

The children of the Celtic tiger are something else!! It is not a parents obligation to fund their kids forever. Plus we are in the middle of a recession,you'd be some selfish git if you wouldn't help your ma out with a bit of cash if you have it. (not saying that you are OP just in response to some of the posters)

In saying all that though there is nothing like the freedom of moving out.

XxMCRxBabyxX

sambuka41 wrote: »

The children of the Celtic tiger are something else!! It is not a parents obligation to fund their kids forever. Plus we are in the middle of a recession,you'd be some selfish git if you wouldn't help your ma out with a bit of cash if you have it. (not saying that you are OP just in response to some of the posters)

In saying all that though there is nothing like the freedom of moving out.

Does everything have to be about "the children of the celtic tiger"?! i don't think that has anything to do with this situation. People are more concerned that the OP's mother is expecting a high enough rent off her child when they could be able to get cheaper elsewhere with more freedom.

There's helping out and being exploited imo.

OP if you can find cheaper for the same facilities I don't see why you shouldn't move out. If your mother wants to teach you how to be independent, moving out will teach you this an awful lot better than just living at home with most of your responsibilities covered.

sambuka41

XxMCRxBabyxX wrote: »

Does everything have to be about "the children of the celtic tiger"?! i don't think that has anything to do with this situation. People are more concerned that the OP's mother is expecting a high enough rent off her child when they could be able to get cheaper elsewhere with more freedom.

There's helping out and being exploited imo.

OP if you can find cheaper for the same facilities I don't see why you shouldn't move out. If your mother wants to teach you how to be independent, moving out will teach you this an awful lot better than just living at home with most of your responsibilities covered.

Yeah i think it is a Celtic tiger attitude thats left over. Its the sense of entitlement that bugs me. As an adult you cant expect others to pay your way, not even your parents. People saying that its too much money for the family home are not living in the real world. For the OP to keep paying their €75 a week when theres less money coming into the house is very unfair. In that case its costing to have the OP at home.

I dont think thats exploitation,its an acknowledgement of the fact that times are hard. Its one step closer to independence and responsibility.

In saying that I wouldnt blame the OP for wanting to move out if he/she felt ready. And there are loads of positives to moving out of the family home and having your own space.

XxMCRxBabyxX

sambuka41 wrote: »

Yeah i think it is a Celtic tiger attitude thats left over. Its the sense of entitlement that bugs me. As an adult you cant expect others to pay your way, not even your parents. People saying that its too much money for the family home are not living in the real world. For the OP to keep paying their €75 a week when theres less money coming into the house is very unfair. In that case its costing to have the OP at home.

I dont think thats exploitation,its an acknowledgement of the fact that times are hard. Its one step closer to independence and responsibility.

In saying that I wouldnt blame the OP for wanting to move out if he/she felt ready. And there are loads of positives to moving out of the family home and having your own space.

But no one said that! They just felt the rent was too high for what was being offered, not that the mother should be paying her child's way

OS119

sambuka41 wrote: »

Yeah i think it is a Celtic tiger attitude thats left over. Its the sense of entitlement that bugs me. As an adult you cant expect others to pay your way, not even your parents. People saying that its too much money for the family home are not living in the real world. For the OP to keep paying their €75 a week when theres less money coming into the house is very unfair. In that case its costing to have the OP at home.

I dont think thats exploitation,its an acknowledgement of the fact that times are hard. Its one step closer to independence and responsibility.

while thats entirely true if you want to bring the 'real world' into the price of living in your parents home as an adult, it also swings the other way - if parents can't afford to keep such a large/expensive house without charging a market rent for a sub-market product, then the logic of 'the real world' suggests that they need to tailor their expectations of what kind of home they can afford to suit their income.

the market is a double edged sword - if you want to use it as a method of increasing income you have to offer a product thats comensurate with what the market offers.

sambuka41

XxMCRxBabyxX wrote: »

But no one said that! They just felt the rent was too high for what was being offered, not that the mother should be paying her child's way

Granted,im probably not explaining myself very well!!:p What i was trying to say is that its not too much if its helping the family out and if it suits the OP.

With the celtic tiger type thinking of what you can get for yourself bugs me. In this case it sounds like the OP mother is down cash from brother moving out and has 2 dependent kids. She's not an evil landlord asking for above the going rate. As some other posters said its about the same once bills and food included. So either way its down to the OP and what they want to do.

Edit(OP if i had a roof over my head,food and bills covered for €475 Id be quite happy with that!! Its a lot cheaper than what i am currently paying!!:P)

am i bovvered

Hi OP
The facts are your an adult now, your mother can charge you what she wants to live in her house, its up to you whether you want to accept it or not.
If you decide you can do better elsewhere then go, your mother should have no problem with that.
Good luck

hondasam

op
speaking as a mother I have never asked my own kids to pay rent, my son comes home on his days of and brings his washing. I often buy shopping for them when Im in town. my son and daughters rent a house together. the all lived at home until a few years ago but never in a million years would we ask rent of them or ask them to pay bills. now i dont know what your mothers finances are, maby she needs your help. my advise would be if you are going to pay this much get your own place, you can get a room in a shared house now for €60 per week. parents help their kids as much as the possibly can and parents hope that in return when the are older the kids will return the favour.

JuliusCaesar

hondasam wrote: »

parents help their kids as much as the possibly can

Most parents help their children become independent and self-sufficient.

hondasam

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

Most parents help their children become independent and self-sufficient.

meaning ?

didntgotoplan

The deal was €475 per month, all bills included except food. I do all my own washing, ironing and cooking myself. Yes it's my own family home.

So I had a talk with her. She is worried about work and handling bills and she wanted me to help out. I graduated a year ago and have only been working part time since then as it was the only work I could get, so she has been supporting me since then even though I paid her between €200-€300 a month.

I normally do half of the cooking anyway for myself, but she buys the food which can be annoying if I use some of something she had planned for another dinner another day. The deal was I do all the cooking for myself with food I buy myself, but we worked it out that I'd help out by cooking 3/4 dinners a week and she will do the rest. I'll go shopping with her and we will either, add up what I will be using or split it into 4 so that I'm paying my share.

The thing is that if I move out she won't rent to anyone else (she has told me that she couldn't have someone she doesn't know living with her) and that could mean that she will end up not being able to afford the place anymore. We all grew up in this house and I know that the youngest two wouldn't want to live elsewhere as they are happy here and they have exams in the coming years. It was the only thing my mom wanted when my dad left, that she had the house. I would rather help my mom out that help someone else financially.

stepbar

Smcgie wrote: »

I moved out when I was 16, something I will never regret and something I think should be done with a lot of 18-22year olds. OP It may sound big and scary but you could easily live on €50pw after rent.

Sure... if you want to have no life ..... I.E - "A Man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing"

Get real :rolleyes:

stepbar

didntgotoplan wrote: »

The deal was €475 per month, all bills included except food. I do all my own washing, ironing and cooking myself. Yes it's my own family home.

So I had a talk with her. She is worried about work and handling bills and she wanted me to help out. I graduated a year ago and have only been working part time since then as it was the only work I could get, so she has been supporting me since then even though I paid her between €200-€300 a month.

......

The thing is that if I move out she won't rent to anyone else (she has told me that she couldn't have someone she doesn't know living with her) and that could mean that she will end up not being able to afford the place anymore. We all grew up in this house and I know that the youngest two wouldn't want to live elsewhere as they are happy here and they have exams in the coming years. It was the only thing my mom wanted when my dad left, that she had the house. I would rather help my mom out that help someone else financially.

I'm not being funny but that's not really your responsibility. Gouging her son for money seems a bit unmotherly like to me and lets face it she is going to have the same problems should you choose to say or not. And anyhow.... what's your Da contributing? Surely he has responsibilities towards the 2 other kids until they are 18?

Smcgie

stepbar wrote: »

Sure... if you want to have no life ..... I.E - "A Man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing"

Get real :rolleyes:

Another fine flaming post there stepbar.

OS119

stepbar wrote: »

I'm not being funny but that's not really your responsibility. Gouging her son for money seems a bit unmotherly like to me and lets face it she is going to have the same problems should you choose to say or not....

that would be my concern here OP - if your mum can't afford to live in the house without you contibuting €500pcm when is she going to accept that she can't afford to live there and move to something she can afford?

is it when all the kids have left and gone to college, or when they've all bought their own homes and got married, or when, to be grim, your mum dies?

sorry mate, but you could be living with your mum till you're 45 at this rate.

sunshineoh9

see, i never understood why parents ask for rent...
they say they want you to move out and then make you pay so you can't really afford to save up to get your own place... its mad! :eek:

ilovesleep

It doesn't matter how much you contribute at home you will never get the respect, privacy and freedom that you deserve. I would highly recommend you to move out. It was the best thing I ever did. I would love to see a landlord spin half of the crap my mother used to give me - he'd find himself up in court.

Cathmandooo

didntgotoplan wrote: »

The deal was €475 per month, all bills included except food. I do all my own washing, ironing and cooking myself. Yes it's my own family home.

So I had a talk with her. She is worried about work and handling bills and she wanted me to help out. I graduated a year ago and have only been working part time since then as it was the only work I could get, so she has been supporting me since then even though I paid her between €200-€300 a month.

I normally do half of the cooking anyway for myself, but she buys the food which can be annoying if I use some of something she had planned for another dinner another day. The deal was I do all the cooking for myself with food I buy myself, but we worked it out that I'd help out by cooking 3/4 dinners a week and she will do the rest. I'll go shopping with her and we will either, add up what I will be using or split it into 4 so that I'm paying my share.

The thing is that if I move out she won't rent to anyone else (she has told me that she couldn't have someone she doesn't know living with her) and that could mean that she will end up not being able to afford the place anymore. We all grew up in this house and I know that the youngest two wouldn't want to live elsewhere as they are happy here and they have exams in the coming years. It was the only thing my mom wanted when my dad left, that she had the house. I would rather help my mom out that help someone else financially.

That's a very difficult situation to be in. Does your mom have all the help she can get from the State? Would you suggest to her that she contact Threshold asking them what her options are if she cant afford to keep the house. You shouldn't be guilted into supporting her and your younger siblings, while it's good to give back, she is taking the biscuit a bit.

Is there any view of the future where she's going to be able to support herself and the 2 without your help? Or is she looking at you as a long term supporter?

solovely

Is your Mum paying a mortgage or rent herself? If so, and if you are the chief income earner, it doesn't seem like an unfair amount to pay....but for your own sanity and pocket, you could get a much better deal nearer to your work.

I have two tenants and even including bills, their rent isn't that much and I'm 30 mins from Dublin city centre. I would feel like I was totally taking advantage of them to charge more.

The fact that you have to use your own fridge and can't use the dishwasher astound me!!! There is no rational landlord or landlady who would impose such impositions on a tenant!

Really think you need to sit down with your Mum and attempt an adult chat.

Do you actually like living at home is the main question really? If you do, then it's worth negotiating the rent down, if not, there is no logical reason to stay.

And this lark that Dublin people give of having to save to move out of home....all of us country folk did it at 18, without a penny to our names...come on, it's not that hard!!