Inconsiderate Flatmate?

LegacyUser

Hi guys

I'm really upset and a little anxious too. My flatmate recently met a guy on the internet. She met four weeks ago on a Friday evening. By the Sunday evening he had called to the house and ended up staying the night that night. The girl moved in with myself and another flatmate. Me and the other flatmate have lived here for nearly eight years. Its a professional environment. We're all in our thirties. When we interviewed her we made it clear that its a quiet house. She was happy with this and moved in about 10 months ago.

She has been doing internet dating regularly since then but nobody has stayed over as far as I know. In the meantime my other flatmate (the guy) has more or less moved in with heis girlfriend and is never here anymore so he's not aware of what has been happening.

Back to four weeks ago. The new internet guy stayed over three times that week - Twice on work nights and once at the weekend. Thinking it was just new romance and also, to be honest I was afraid of being confrontational, I said nothing, even though I do not feel very comfortable with somebody I don't know staying over that often. My flatmate never spoke to me about it and the same thing happened the next week and the week after.

Last Monday I got up to go to work and Mr Internet was in the bathroom for 15-20 mins living me leaving as one stressed bunny heading into work almost late. im pretty laidback but I was furious with them that morning. That night I asked flatmate to please let me know if Mr Internet was going to be using the shower at the time I use it. I said I'd prefer if he spoke to me about it as well, as its fine, but its better if we can all compromise. I don't like the idea of my flatmate doing 'negotiations' as such. I'd prefer if we could all act like adults and be open and talk to each other about it. She agreed to this and apologised. I told her there was no need to apologise, that if she just talked to me about it, it wouldn't turn into an issue.

He stayed again last week and she told me he'd be staying but not to worry he didn't need the shower at the time I get up.

Last night, I was in bed and at 11 the two of them cam in. There was lots of coming and going between the two of them, doors closing etc and that went on until 11.40. They went to bed and I could hear them talking until 12.20ish. At one o clock somebody used the toilet (fine), but when they got back from the toilet, the talking started again. Then when I got up this morning Mr Internet was using the bathroom again at the time I usually use it!


I'm so annoyed, not only because we had agreed that they would let me know if he needed to use the bathroom but also because of the way he is staying over so regularly on week nights and not taking my routine into consideration.

If my other flatmate was around, he wouldn't be happy about this and I'd say she knows that.

I sent her a text this evening asking her would she be around this evening because we need to talk. She wrote back apologising profusely about shower this morning. But I'm still really pissed off that I have to prompt these discussions all the time when its my space and privacy that is being disrupted.

I have a pretty good track record as a house sharer and I've never had an argument with anyone I've lived with!

Am I over reacting? Being a b**tch? I'm so stressed and tired over the whole thing and its only been four weeks. The lease isn't up until July!! I wouldn't have signed it again if I'd known this was going to happen. I'd happily move out but obviously I'm contracted to the lease. I've been living here happily for 7 years now with no problems do you think I should contact the landlady. I just couldn't bear to live like this for another year.

I have to talk to her now when she gets in and I feel sick

Neyite

i dont think that i would get annoyed too much by what you have told here so far, but everybody is different. why not suggest that if he wants to shower, that he can use the bathroom either before or after an alloted time frame you have in your routine, say for instance up until 7am and after 7.30 or whatever suits. if he cant manage that, then he can always use his own shower, in his own home.

i think to be honest, you might not be too bothered with the bumping around and mumble of conversation if he was considerate to your routine in the mornings.

does she stay over at his? if not, why not?

fonecrusher1

Your paying the bills, he isn't. Advise your flatmate that you need the shower free for the mornings. Simple as that. Priority goes to rent/bill payers not visitors.
Also if he is using the shower on a regular basis then he should throw a few euros into the bill collection each month. Just to keep things nice & polite.

The other things you mentioned are very typical of a rented house im afraid. People talking & using the toilet is going to happen. Theres nothing you can do about that. Such things are none of your concern unless they're keeping you awake at all hours then you're entitled to complain. There practically no such thing as the perfect house share.

If you want complete silence after 11 o'clock at night & things generally done the way you want them you'd be better off moving into your own place.

Don't stress, think of the big picture. This is a trivial matter that you will have forgotten about in a few weeks time. Have a word with her about the shower issue not the other stuff.

LegacyUser

Op here

Thanks for reply Neyite. I reckon I might be over reacting but I'm still a bit wired because I didn't get to sleep until 2am last night. I'm a teacher so I really cant go into work feeling wrecked and stressed.

I spoke to flatmate and she was really really apologetic and said he wont be staying over from Sunday till Thursday from now on in. Problem is I'll believe it when I see it, because she didn't stick to her promise the last time around.. I felt like a complete biatche saying everything to her but in fairness I feel she created the problem and blew my goodwill in the first place by not communicating with me from the beginning, or indeed after I had asked her. I still believe its not on to have somebody that you met on a Friday over to stay regularly from the following week on, if you're sharing with someone, without giving the other person the opportunity to get to know them before they become a regular overnight visitor to the house. I also still believe that I should have been spoken to about bathroom arrangements in the morning. I still feeling really crap about everything but I'm glad I spoke to her about it because otherwise I'd probably be sitting here now full of resentment and bitterness and anger. Not a good place to be.

It helped to post here though and it was great to get such a quick and neutral reply!!! Thanks again

I fail to see how someone using doors and going to the bathroom before midnight would be an issue.
You sound like a control freak.

Neyite

Rojomcdojo wrote: »

I fail to see how someone using doors and going to the bathroom before midnight would be an issue.
You sound like a control freak.

not the op but if it was me,if someone was wandering around, chatting, doors slamming etc while im in bed trying to sleep, im not exactly going to be thrilled. if its my flatmate who has already pissed me off, broken her promise, and im lying there, knowing that wanker will be hogging the bathroom in the morning again, i will get stressed. then i cant sleep. then i get tired. then narky.

its like when the OH snores softly - if im not wrecked, its cute. when i am knackered, i equate it to a train thundering through the room, and i kind of want to kill him a little bit.:D

i think that getting mad over the doors/chatting/walking around is a bit much, but if he's hogging the bathroom it not on.

LegacyUser

Its not the doors etc that are the issue. Its the total lack of communication and disrespect towards me that is the issue.

If I can't sleep at night until half one in the morning twice a week when I've work the next day .....thats an issue too. For the last four weeks I've been kept awake at night at least twice. It just got too much for me last and then on top of that he was using the bathroom when I needed it to go to work.

Maybe I am a control freak but I'm thinking I want to nip this in the bud before your nman is staying over permanently.

The girl moved in aware that this is a quiet house. The lease was renewed in July so if she didn't like it she could have moved out.


I actually came on here to as was I over reacting? I'm wrecked and I've been pretty reasonable with both of them up until now, but the fact is, its my home, not his, and don't share with couples for a reason.

Rojomcdojo I wasn't asking you to analyse my personality.

Thanks to everyone else for helping me think things through from a neutral perspective. And seeing things from my point of view as well!

I'll feel better in the morning hopefully. I feel really down now. I've been crying about the whole thing all evening

LegacyUser

Rojomcdojo wrote: »

I fail to see how someone using doors and going to the bathroom before midnight would be an issue.
You sound like a control freak.

I have shared houses for years no offence but I think you are being unreasonable. It isn't a big deal if someone wants to use the toilet or have a chat around 12. It isn't like they were having a house party. I don't think you are used to this situation so explain you need the shower in the morning but I would lay off a bit. No need for bad feeling.

IrishEyes19

Op, dont think you are over-reacting at all. Most of my lectures in college are 9am, which means a 7am alarm clock setting monday to friday, and believe me when you have a long day in a stressfull enviroment which I assume teaching is, banging doors constantly, talking, noises and then having to wait nearly 30 mins to use YOUR OWN bathroom when your trying to get to work is pretty fustrating.

Anyone who has lived with other people before and suffered from lack of sleep because of it, while trying to maintain a job, college would understand that.

Also, the OP, is working fulltime I assume as a teacher which adds more stress. I think the housemate should spend time at his place more often or at least be more considerate towards her other flatmates, its damn right cheeky to be honest. Im sorry but bf's or partners often sponge off other peoples houses and the flatmates have to suffer the consequences. Its not fair. Walking around constantly at all hours of the morning is bloody annoying. I can actually sympathise with this and Im no kill joy, Im young enough, still go out and come home. But when I come back to my flat after nights out, I do my best not to wake my housemates out of pure respect for them.

And fair enough, she isnt throwing a raving party or whatever, but the OP is still deprived of sleep, so it makes no difference. At 30 years old, as the OP has stated. Surely the housemate should respect the fact that they all working adults now and a bit of decorum would be appreciated.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I totally empathize with your situation, younger people wont and will call you a control freak because they are still in party house mode and when talk of doors slamming comes up they will think you are over reacting! if you have been living happily for 7 yrs renting i bet you are a very conscious house mate and others have benefitted from you being considerate and a good communicator, you deserve your peace and privacy to be respected, things are usually fine until boyfriends come on the scene and like this they change the dynamic of the situation, i was in the same situation and i used to feel sick coming home every day i knew i had to try resolve it but if the BF is sticking around you dont really have a choice so i would imagine its either them or you that stays, from my experience you dont need go through anymore and its time to get serious, like say to her that you need things to be the way they were for you before and you have to move out, see how quickly she will start to take you seriously then, and its just the truth, you dont need another day of anxiety, i think you should look around for a better situation tbh, maybe its time for a change for you? i just dont think you need to wait around to see anymore about this housemate if she behaves like this now it will only continue either with this guy or the next, if she has not respected you now then you will never get it, dealbreaker! i would just go asap? but thats just me. I hated living like that wondering what was going to happen next, is there anyway you could move out on your own? or with one other person?

BettePorter

flatmate111 wrote: »

I have shared houses for years no offence but I think you are being unreasonable. It isn't a big deal if someone wants to use the toilet or have a chat around 12. It isn't like they were having a house party. I don't think you are used to this situation so explain you need the shower in the morning but I would lay off a bit. No need for bad feeling.

I don't think she's being unreasonable or a control freak. Her issue was not with the talking or the door banging, it was initially with the shower, but things become magnified once you decide you're annoyed. what wouldn't annoy you one day will suddenly annoy you big time when you feel your feelings are not being considered.

She pays the rent, in good faith and with the expectation to shower when wants and sleep when she needs to, not to have some stranger have no consideration for the ppl who actually contribute to the household.

OP, given that your housemate has apologised, it seems she's not completely unapproachable and does acknowledge it has been inconsiderate, so i think you should have a chat and discuss some ground rules.

anyway it's only been a month, it's not necessarily a long term thing with them.

magicwok

I get the impression that maybe your a little jealous that your flatmate is seeing someone? it could also be worse in that they could be making alot of noise having se*x, i think your getting away lightly

IrishEyes19

magicwok wrote: »

I get the impression that maybe your a little jealous that your flatmate is seeing someone? it could also be worse in that they could be making alot of noise having se*x, i think your getting away lightly

magicwork, that could be the case, but if you can think back on flatsharing and early college/working mornings. Getting no sleep before early mornings and with college or school deadlines to be met, is a bloody nightmare. The OP has lived here for 8 years as she has said, and has had no problem before, so clearly has had other flatmates which I presume have had bf/gf's. This is hardly her getting upset because her flatmate is seeing someone. The OP hasn't even stated if she is single or not, so I think that's completely irrelevant to be honest. She sounds like she's up to her ears in lack of sleep and fustrated. They're not 21 years old anymore, but in their 30's. A bit of cop on and respect should be there.

Taltos

OP - why wait until the next day.
Next time they are chatting post midnight just go down - knock on the door and state "please have some consideration for those of us who have work tomorrow." If it continues - "SHUT the F UP"

Talk to her about it.
Let her know how you feel.
But be willing to compromise. She has every right to a life provided that it does not overly impact on your quality of life.
Look worst case - you may need to consider moving out...

At the end of the day all you are asking for is some general consideration - but do remember - that is a two way street - so far you have been very reasonable - but maybe that is part of the issue - speak up immediately - waiting until the next day - well chances are they won't remember how loud they were being - if you let them know at the time - they may take more care.

IrishEyes19

Stressed and Tired wrote: »

Its not the doors etc that are the issue. Its the total lack of communication and disrespect towards me that is the issue.

If I can't sleep at night until half one in the morning twice a week when I've work the next day .....thats an issue too. For the last four weeks I've been kept awake at night at least twice. It just got too much for me last and then on top of that he was using the bathroom when I needed it to go to work.

Maybe I am a control freak but I'm thinking I want to nip this in the bud before your nman is staying over permanently.

The girl moved in aware that this is a quiet house. The lease was renewed in July so if she didn't like it she could have moved out.


I actually came on here to as was I over reacting? I'm wrecked and I've been pretty reasonable with both of them up until now, but the fact is, its my home, not his, and don't share with couples for a reason.

Rojomcdojo I wasn't asking you to analyse my personality.

Thanks to everyone else for helping me think things through from a neutral perspective. And seeing things from my point of view as well!

I'll feel better in the morning hopefully. I feel really down now. I've been crying about the whole thing all evening

I can totally see your point on this, OP, and the fact that your actually emotional about it and crying, suggests lack of sleep. Be open with your flatmate today and tell her it straight, dont sugar coat it. Tell her, her boyfriend can use the bathroom for showering, grooming ect, however he will have to wait until you are finished as you have deadlines and work to go to. Stress that if he cant abide by this, you'll have to take action as its interfering with your lifestyle there and stressful. It could also be that the flatmate is afraid to confront her own bf, since its such an early relationship maybe, if thats the case.

Just speak calmly and effectively towards her, but Id say tell her straight. You sound emotionally and physically drained.

Richy06

OP I think you are in the right. Some people just don't understand that others are light sleepers and have to rise early the next morning with more than just 3 hours sleep. At the end of the day, you're paying rent and living there, not the boyfriend.
Sort it out early to avoid anymore confrontation.

Chatting IS out of order if it's keeping someone else awake. My worst flatmate experience was a girl who not only blasted music and had friends over every weekend, but stayed up talking until 3am every weeknight in a loud Derry accent. Sure, she was 'just talking' but it came right through my wall, I could hear every word as if she were right next to me. OP sounds jealous? Give me a bloody break. Having someone who doesn't even live in the house banging around all night and hogging the shower in the mornings is so irritating. I'm a guest in my BF's house right now and I go out of my way to keep out of the way. I don't shower until everyone has left for work, and if I need to leave earlier, I go without. And I'm paying in for the bills. Guests should not be a nuisance. Ideally you shouldn't even really notice they're there. It's easily done with a bit of consideration.

LegacyUser

Bruce Echoing Teammate wrote: »

Chatting IS out of order if it's keeping someone else awake. My worst flatmate experience was a girl who not only blasted music and had friends over every weekend, but stayed up talking until 3am every weeknight in a loud Derry accent. Sure, she was 'just talking' but it came right through my wall, I could hear every word as if she were right next to me. OP sounds jealous? Give me a bloody break. Having someone who doesn't even live in the house banging around all night and hogging the shower in the mornings is so irritating. I'm a guest in my BF's house right now and I go out of my way to keep out of the way. I don't shower until everyone has left for work, and if I need to leave earlier, I go without. And I'm paying in for the bills. Guests should not be a nuisance. Ideally you shouldn't even really notice they're there. It's easily done with a bit of consideration.

+1 Well said, a guest should not be heavily noticed and the person who has the guest has a responsibility to make sure their guest is not effecting the house, a bit of consideration goes a long way.

Giblet

Earplugs

LegacyUser

Are you actually serious? Jesus, I wish you could have stayed in my room before my last flatmate moved out - squeaky bed sex 3 or 4 nights a week, then woken up in the morning with it, too!

You are totally overreacting here, especially when you're talking about contacting the landlady. OK, the bathroom thing is irritating, but can be easily sorted out as it sounds like your housemate is reasonable. But a) it's none of your business how long your flatmate is going out with someone before she brings him home - sounds like you're passing a moral judgement on her here... or is it jealousy? and b) what is she supposed to do - stay celibate and sleep alone for the rest of her duration living there so you can have a good night's sleep? I'd say she would have thought twice if she knew she was moving into a convent or a house with a substitute parent. Come on - you're all adults, you have to give a bit of leeway here.

The little things like bathroom privileges and talking loudly can be sorted with an honest chat. It sounds like your flatmate is a reasonable person otherwise. If that doesn't suit, maybe you should look at getting your own place.

Darlughda

Well, have to say this thread made me laugh a bit and count my blessings I am not in a houseshare with OP.

Wouldn't have bothered replying to this, OP, but you are totally angling for the moral judgements and sympathy card on this one.

So what if she met him on the internet? Diddums if you are anxious about someone in your houseshare without getting to know him, welcome to normal sexual life amongst 30 somethings.

Sounds like you had a handy situation set up for yourself with the other tenant. Now, you are taking it out on her for this being discontinued.

2-3 nights max is reasonable for partners to stay over, regardless of whether its a school night or not. Jayzus, have some leniency towards a new relationship!

Shower situation not on. You are def in the right about that.

If you are that light a sleeper, move out on your own. If you are a 'professional' you can afford it.

What I really, really disliked about the tone of your post was the consistent sly inferences to morality of your standards in regard to your new housemate.

If I was her, I would apologise about the shower issue, and tell you where to go regarding everything else.

Nevyn

Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

Zen65

ahcopon wrote: »

...... it's none of your business how long your flatmate is going out with someone before she brings him home - sounds like you're passing a moral judgement on her here... or is it jealousy?

I can't agree with this at all. Home is where you should feel safe, and if some unknown guy is staying over without having been "vetted" then it's a very legitimate security concern for anybody else who lives there, not to mention the nuisance of the bathroom etc. And why should anyone get three free nights a week accommodation when everybody else in the house has to pay for it?

OP is absolutely right to be unhappy with the situation.


Be at peace,

Z

Darlughda

Zen65 wrote: »

I can't agree with this at all. Home is where you should feel safe, and if some unknown guy is staying over without having been "vetted" then it's a very legitimate security concern for anybody else who lives there, not to mention the nuisance of the bathroom etc. And why should anyone get three free nights a week accommodation when everybody else in the house has to pay for it?

OP is absolutely right to be unhappy with the situation.

Z

Whens the last time you were in shared accomodation with people in their 30s?

Be at peace with yourself:)

davyjose

Get your own place.

You're in your thirties, and you have a job. No excuses.

I was a culprit of living with the folks too far into my twenties, and that's considered a total no-no. TBH, I house-shared, and moved back in with my folks (and paid them rent) -- but I'd rather live with people I know and love, than total strangers.

But as big a no-no has to be sharing in your thirties??? Come on, time to live alone. It's a million times better than sharing too.

Nevyn

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LegacyUser

Oh come on, you'd swear she was a student renting in a student house, the way some posters are going on, theres a reason why some houses are advertised for rent as student accomodation and some as professional shared houses

Shes a professional, the house was advertised as being a quiet house, shared with professionals. The OP has every right to be pi**ed off! Making excessive noise at night when she knows the op has work in the mornings is out of order, This has nothing to do with the other flatmate having a bf or not, if she was bringing female friends over and chatting loudly at night it would still be out of order!

To say the op is jealous is a load of crap, as was said for all anyone knows the op could be engaged for gods sake...

Why on earth should the op have to put up with some randomer who pays no rent hogging the bathroom in the morning when shes trying to get ready for work?!

In my opinion after he hogged the shower the second time, its gloves off, shes clearly more interested in keeping things sweet with the bf than the Op

personally i'd put a note on the bathroom door saying 'bathroom for tenants use only during 7.00am - 9.00am (or whatever)' I'd also tell her that if it happens again you'd be going to the landlord

Theres no point trying to play fair with someone who clearly has no respect for you

omega666

iagreewithop wrote: »

Oh come on, you'd swear she was a student renting in a student house, the way some posters are going on, theres a reason why some houses are advertised for rent as student accomodation and some as professional shared houses

Shes a professional, the house was advertised as being a quiet house, shared with professionals. The OP has every right to be pi**ed off! Making excessive noise at night when she knows the op has work in the mornings is out of order, This has nothing to do with the other flatmate having a bf or not, if she was bringing female friends over and chatting loudly at night it would still be out of order!

To say the op is jealous is a load of crap, as was said for all anyone knows the op could be engaged for gods sake...

Why on earth should the op have to put up with some randomer who pays no rent hogging the bathroom in the morning when shes trying to get ready for work?!

In my opinion after he hogged the shower the second time, its gloves off, shes clearly more interested in keeping things sweet with the bf than the Op

personally i'd put a note on the bathroom door saying 'bathroom for tenants use only during 7.00am - 9.00am (or whatever)' I'd also tell her that if it happens again you'd be going to the landlord

Theres no point trying to play fair with someone who clearly has no respect for you

whats exactly is the landlord going to do! kick out a paying tenant becuase
she walks around the house at 11:40 and has her boyfriend over a few nights week.

im surprised at people definiton of a quiet house. walking around till 11.40. talking until 12.20ish is in no way execssive noise. having music or a tv blaring at 3am is excessive noise. having a party till 3 am is excessive noise.
what does the OP want, a crewfew so that none is allowed to leave thier room after 11pm or none is allowed to sneeze after 12 in case they wake her??! ridicolus the flatmate has even apologized twice. the flatmate has as much rights as the OP and is allowed to feel confortable in her own house also instead of having to tip toe around the OP.

but reading between the lines i dont think the issue here is the noise, i think the
real problem is the OP having to share her space in the house she has lived in for the last 8 years with the flatmates boyfriend now also.

LegacyUser

I would tell her straight her BF is not welcome!
I mean she brought him home to stay overnight and you had never met the guy.Then he used the bathroom during morning rushhour. Not consideration given to you.
You are not over reacting or being a bitch.
Your flatmate only moved in this year as I understand it.
I would defo confront her. No bull****. Be straight.
Also, I would contact your other flatmate and advise him of the situation.
Ask him to stay more often for a week or two and let him deal with the issue too.

Ps. I live in my own home now and evertime the couple next door argue or have sex I can hear everything.

happymondays

bisitor wrote: »

I would tell her straight her BF is not welcome!
I mean she brought him home to stay overnight and you had never met the guy.Then he used the bathroom during morning rushhour. Not consideration given to you.
You are not over reacting or being a bitch.
Your flatmate only moved in this year as I understand it.
I would defo confront her. No bull****. Be straight.
Also, I would contact your other flatmate and advise him of the situation.
Ask him to stay more often for a week or two and let him deal with the issue too.

Ps. I live in my own home now and evertime the couple next door argue or have sex I can hear everything.

believe it or not the flatemate also pays rent also and is prefectly entitled to bring whoever they want home and dosent require the OP permission to do anything. The OP dosent own the house.
Op you sound like you really need to get your own place if small things like this bother you so much.

LegacyUser

ridicolus the flatmate has even apologized twice. the flatmate has as much rights as the OP and is allowed to feel confortable in her own house also instead of having to tip toe around the OP.

The flatemate apologized the first time her "bf" took over the bathroom, and guess what? it happened again!, so obviously it was a pretty hollow apolgy! Again its a professional house, where people have to get up a 7.00am in the morning, if they cant sleep till after 1am, thats 6 hours sleep, no one could function on that. It would be assumed that people would respect the other flatmates and shut the hell up after a reasonable hour, again it was advertised as being shared by professionals who work, if she wanted to the flatmate could've moved in somewhere with students, or with your regular joe soaps, she didn't so tough cookie thems the rules, she accepted them when she moved in so why do they go out the window all of a sudden when she meets this guy?

think the real problem is the OP having to share her space in the house she has lived in for the last 8 years with the flatmates boyfriend now also.

Absolutely the real problem is with the bf and rightly so! The Op has lived there for 8 years no problems, in 8 years i'm sure there have been many bfs coming and going in the house, and there has never been any problems until now, she has never had any noise problems with this girl up until now. Common denominator would seem to be the bf, its either because the bfs an inconsiderate ass or that the flatmate is too afraid/in love with him to tell him to cop on, either way the flatmate is being an inconsiderate cow.

Yeah of course flatmates bfs will stay over but If the Op is late for work because he is hogging the bathroom in the morning when he knows people are getting ready for work, and despite him paying any rent, well he has no right to use it. The OP stated she was almost late for work, she explained the situation to the flatmate and it still happened again! why should the ops career/work life be effected because her flatmate has a new bf?

ClutchIt

OP needs to lighten up. I think she is dramatically over-reacting and the OP sounds like a nightmare housemate imo

Is there a rule that anyone who lives in this house can't have a boyfriend? This is what boyfriends do! They stay over sometimes, big deal!

ClutchIt

Richy06 wrote: »

OP I think you are in the right. Some people just don't understand that others are light sleepers and have to rise early the next morning with more than just 3 hours sleep. At the end of the day, you're paying rent and living there, not the boyfriend.
Sort it out early to avoid anymore confrontation.

Ya but her flatmate is also paying rent and she has the right to have a life too. It would be crap to have a boyfriend who can never stay over

LegacyUser

Ya but her flatmate is also paying rent and she has the right to have a life too. It would be crap to have a boyfriend who can never stay over

*sigh* the issue is not the bf staying over, the issue is the bf being disrespectful when he does stay over by hogging the bathroom all morning, and making noise

LegacyUser

"Again its a professional house, where people have to get up a 7.00am in the morning, if they cant sleep till after 1am, thats 6 hours sleep, no one could function on that."

Errr, what? I beg to differ. Not everyone needs 8 hours.

But that's irrelevant, anyway. I would hate to live with the OP because she sounds like a bit of a control freak. So her flatmate isn't supposed to bring home her bf? Get real! I agree with the above poster, 11.40 is NOT late and walking and talking is not excessive noise. The flatmate has done nothing wrong here. It sounds like OP is the sort of person who doesn't like change and is just reacting badly to her routine being upset. Or maybe that her flatmate is getting laid and she isn't.

tinkerbell

OP, it is ok for housemates to have their partners stay over so long as it does not interfere with paying tenants. And in this case it is because they are keeping you awake at night and then this guy is hogging the bathroom when you are trying to get ready for work.

I would sit her down and tell her that it is not acceptable that he hog the bathroom in the mornings. Also, that it is not respectful for them to be making loads of noise at night when you are trying to sleep.

Honestly, some people are just ignorant thick-wits beyond belief, so nip it in the bud now. If she doesn't like it, then she and her boyfriend can go find somewhere else to live.

And to those posters who say that she's jealous because her flatmate is getting laid, get over yourself. What a load of bullsh1t.

Novella

For what it's worth at this stage, OP, I understand where you are coming from. You're paying rent. So is your house mate obviously, but her boyfriend is not. It's fine for him to be staying over on and off, but frequently and without any contribution? Imo, that's rude. He is causing upset to you and your routine and that's not on.

You need to speak to your house mate about this. It doesn't matter if she thinks you're being unreasonable. If this is something that is interfering with how you go about your daily life, it needs to be spoken about and some kind of compromise reached.

skregs

happymondays wrote: »

believe it or not the flatemate ... is prefectly entitled to bring whoever they want home

No she's not. There's a reason couples are charged more for rent. Couples use more electricity, take up more room, you have less space in communal areas, less time to yourself etc.

The bf isn't paying rent, he has NO entitlement to showers or anything else in the house just because he's going out with your flatmate.

I'd be bulling in that situation tbh.

happymondays

skregs wrote: »

No she's not. There's a reason couples are charged more for rent. Couples use more electricity, take up more room, you have less space in communal areas, less time to yourself etc.

The bf isn't paying rent, he has NO entitlement to showers or anything else in the house just because he's going out with your flatmate.

I'd be bulling in that situation tbh.

The Op is not living with a couple so your point is irevelant. If she was living with a couplethe partner would be there 7 days a week. cooking 7 nights a week and hogging the tv 7 nights a week. Thats what living with a couple entails and why they pay more money.

The flatmate is entitled to have a b/f and also entitled to bring him into her own house as she pays rent also. as long its not excessive obviously
he could be a bit more considerate on his shower times and give priority to the rent payers but thats about it. If the OP cant deal with living with other people then its time to find her own place.

skregs

It obviously is excessive if the girl has to promise to only have him staying over on Fridays and Saturdays.
Why cant she go to his?

happymondays

skregs wrote: »

It obviously is excessive if the girl has to promise to only have him staying over on Fridays and Saturdays.
Why cant she go to his?

that sounds to me like the flatmate is being very considerate to the OP and dosnent want any hassle/

Who know why they dont go to his place, Maybe there a flate mate like the
OP at his place tell him that he cant have his partner over to stay as well!! honestly if a flatmate told me i couldnt have my g/f over and to go stay at her place then i would swiflty remind him that i live and pay rent in the house also!

LegacyUser

Maybe there a flate mate like the
OP at his place tell him that he cant have his partner over to stay as well!! honestly if a flatmate told me i couldnt have my g/f over and to go stay at her place then i would swiflty remind him that i live and pay rent in the house also!

The op never said she didn't want him staying over! the guy is using the bathroom in the morning when he knows other people have to get ready for work. He has no right to use the shower in the morning at all! He doesn't pay any rent!

skregs

happymondays wrote: »

that sounds to me like the flatmate is being very considerate to the OP and dosnent want any hassle/

Who know why they dont go to his place, Maybe there a flate mate like the
OP at his place tell him that he cant have his partner over to stay as well!! honestly if a flatmate told me i couldnt have my g/f over and to go stay at her place then i would swiflty remind him that i live and pay rent in the house also!

And I'd swiftly remind you that your g/f doesn't, and if you want her to live there you can start paying couples rates.

syklops

skregs wrote: »

And I'd swiftly remind you that your g/f doesn't, and if you want her to live there you can start paying couples rates.

At which point I would swiftly get onto Daft to find somewhere else.

The partner of a tenant has NO rights at all when it comes to showers. It's actually a pretty big liberty to take regular showers at someone else's house, let alone in the morning when they have work! I can't believe there are people on here who actually think that's OK. Any time I stayed over at my boyfriend's (before I moved in for 3 weeks, paying rent/bills), I went home to shower and vice versa. You can't expect the rest of the tenants to pay electricity for someone else, and be inconvenienced in the mornings by someone they never agreed to live with!

And the fact she just met him online is relevant because it means it's not a long term thing. I get the impression that the flatmate had him staying over when she barely knew him herself. I always hated living with girls who brought random guys home - who wants a complete stranger wandering around their house? Who would really feel comfortable coming out of their room and seeing a total randomer sitting in the living room watching TV? Totally different kettle of fish to a flatmate having a long-term partner.

pollypocket10

OP I understand where you are coming from with regards to the showers, it's a time when you are under pressure for time and someone who isn't paying bills should not be putting you out like this.

However I thin that is the ONLY legitimate complaint you have. People are entitled to talk and talking up to mid-night is not being anyway inconsiderate. Your flat mate also has every right to have her new bf stay over and it's no-ones business but her own how long they are going out.

If these things are bothering you it's your problem. Some people just aren't suited to house sharing and if that's the case you should just get your own place!

analbeads

the cheeky fecker knows not to be holding up the bathroom at that certain time. if he needs to shower at that time let him use his own shower in his own house!

if i was the op and this happened again id bang that bathroom door till he come out and id let him have it. 100% sure if you go physco on his ass you'l never have that problem again. he obviously dosent realise how much of a cheeky fecker hes being
maybe suggest to your flatmate that they wait a night or 2 n his house and use his water/esb/keep his flatmates up for a change??