What age to leave kids home alone?

melissahodson

Hi

Can anyone tell me what age they feel its ok to leave children home alone for a few hours?

I was away at the weekend and my hubby left our daughter who is 9, (10 in November) home alone while he went to a neighbours house to watch a football match with our other 2 children! He called twice to make sure she was ok, and she knew not to answer door etc, and she had his num to call him in emergency, but I was livid as feel she is far to young, she still believes in Santa for goodness sake!

Am I over-reacting?

astra2000

No your not overreacting she is too young. Personally I would think 12 depending on the child. 9 is very young.

melissahodson

thanks Astra2000, no laws or guidelines on line anywhere, but my gut reaction was NO, I think 12 - 13 myself too, depending on the child.

mike65

A child is old enough to be left home alone when they are either able to put out the fire they accidently start or know who to call and how to call for help.

silja

Depends on the child and the setting.
A responsible almost ten year old child, with a parent next door at the neighbours, I would think is ok to leave alone for a little bit, if she does not mind. She only has ten yards to go to get her dad after all. It would be different if the dad went into town or it was overnight or whatever. But you know your kids best, and I do realise many ten year old could not be left alone.

m'lady

http://www.independent.ie/national-news/courts/burglar-gets-seven-years-for-abusing-children-1661638.html


A couple of years ago I would have thought it would be ok if the parents were near by etc until the above happened in the area I was living at the time. This seriously frightened the hell out of me because it shows how things easily can happen. I'm not being over dramatic, or trying to scare monger. I have a 9, nearly 10 year old and I would not leave her in our house alone for another couple more years.

So no, op I certainly don't think your over reacting!

mollzer

I always imagine the worst could happen if I were to leave my kids (8 & 9) in the house on their own.

If one of them fell down the stairs? or if a fire were to start would they know what to do?

I have tried to teach my kids about what to do in the case of an emergency but I couldnt live with myself if anything happened because I left them 'home alone' to go next door to watch a match (90 mins) or have a cuppa or go to the shops around the corner etc etc.

I know it does depend on the child too, some kids are more mature than others but they are still kids. I'll be waiting until my eldest is 12/13 before I would leave him home alone.

talkin

9 sounds a bit young id say 11 but it also depends on the child some children (9year olds) would be well capable and others just shouldnt,,ive a partner he's27 n i sometimes dont like leaving him in the kitchen cooking by himself i think ul know by your child! a few hours of responsibilty i suppose

melissahodson

I should have said was not at a neighbour next door but around the corner, so our house not visible from their house which concerned me, too.

thanks for all the comments, I'm glad people think that children should be a lot older if left home alone

melissahodson

m'lady wrote: »

http://www.independent.ie/national-news/courts/burglar-gets-seven-years-for-abusing-children-1661638.html


A couple of years ago I would have thought it would be ok if the parents were near by etc until the above happened in the area I was living at the time. This seriously frightened the hell out of me because it shows how things easily can happen. I'm not being over dramatic, or trying to scare monger. I have a 9, nearly 10 year old and I would not leave her in our house alone for another couple more years.

So no, op I certainly don't think your over reacting!

OH MY GOD, I am feeling even sicker now after reading that! I was thinking more if she had hurt herself/fire started etc. NEVER again will she be left on her own!!!!

anthonymax

You're not over reacting at all in my opinion. I would leave my ten year old alone while I'm maybe dropping my seven year old to football training or something like that (two mins there and back!),but I would be as livid as you if I were in your situation. I don't think a 9 or 10 year old is mature enough to cope with every eventuality that could easily occur in the home. Isn't there some statistic about most accidents occurring in the home? Don't remember any facts and figures I just know it's quite high,that alone would be enough to scare the bejesus out of me!

Fittle

m'lady wrote: »

http://www.independent.ie/national-news/courts/burglar-gets-seven-years-for-abusing-children-1661638.html


A couple of years ago I would have thought it would be ok if the parents were near by etc until the above happened in the area I was living at the time. This seriously frightened the hell out of me because it shows how things easily can happen. I'm not being over dramatic, or trying to scare monger. I have a 9, nearly 10 year old and I would not leave her in our house alone for another couple more years.

So no, op I certainly don't think your over reacting!

:eek::eek::eek:

I have left my son alone for 2/3 minutes when I've run to the shop - the door is locked, he has his phone - I ring about 3 times before I return.

But I'll NEVER EVER do it again after reading that article!!!! Not till he's at least 11/or 12....that's horrendous and something you'd never think could happen. My biggest fear for those 2/3 minutes is that he could set the house on fire...though we've no matches or lighters in the house...and he wouldn't know how to turn on the cooker, nor would he even try:rolleyes:

Anyway, yes OP, I'd be annoyed at your hubby too - a match is an hour and a half??? Though your daughter is almost 10...but it's still way too young to be left home along for that length of time.

mymo

I have only recently(last six months) started leaving my 12 yr old alone for short amounts of time, less than an hour, but more often a few mins to the shop. The only reason I'm confident doing it is because I have 2 dogs, that won't let a soul in without permission.
She is well able to use the phone, usually spends the time on skype chatting to her friends, and is very sensible. She isn't allowed to open the door and is allowed a friend in, but they have to be there when I leave and wait for me to come back before going out.
We're in a small town, in terraced houses, and her grandparents live less than 100m away.
I have to say even as sensible and careful as she is, I wouldn't be confident leaving her if it wasn't for the dogs.
I don't think you are over reacting, you know your child.

TheQ47

We've left our 10-y-o home alone when dropping the 7-y-o to brownies/footie training, Etc. She usually doesn't want to come and would kick up more of a fuss about having to leave the computer/TV then the 2-y-o! She knows the rules, which we reiterate every time, "don't answer the phone", "don't answer the door", "don't let anyone except grandparents in", and "don't set the house on fire".

So far, so good!

stovelid

Depends on the child but I would say 10. Hard to say as my children are not that age yet though.

I was left alone at 10 with my younger sister sometimes and nobody died or left traumatized.

silverharp

the way I look at it I could dig out a headline where a kid has been injured/killed becasue, a swimming pool collapsed, hit by a cricket ball etc........ however if everyone was to react to any crazy event that happens somewhere, we'd never let the kids out of our sight, not for 1 second, even when they are asleep.

I have on the odd occasion that I have needed to go down to the shops for something important left junior aged 6 alone. Personally I think its good training. I trust him because he's sensible, in the 6 years I've known him, hes never gone into drawers, put things in sockets etc. and he knows the drill.

However the Op's husband's reason seemed a bid dodgy , leaving kids home to go watch a football match somewhere else or to go to the pub is not responsible

LegacyUser

silverharp wrote: »

the way I look at it I could dig out a headline where a kid has been injured/killed becasue, a swimming pool collapsed, hit by a cricket ball etc........ however if everyone was to react to any crazy event that happens somewhere, we'd never let the kids out of our sight, not for 1 second, even when they are asleep.

I have on the odd occasion that I have needed to go down to the shops for something important left junior aged 6 alone. Personally I think its good training. I trust him because he's sensible, in the 6 years I've known him, hes never gone into drawers, put things in sockets etc. and he knows the drill.

However the Op's husband's reason seemed a bid dodgy , leaving kids home to go watch a football match somewhere else or to go to the pub is not responsible

Just goes to show you can justify anything if you really want to. A 6 year old on his own???

padr81

stovelid wrote: »

Depends on the child but I would say 10. Hard to say as my children are not that age yet though.

I was left alone at 10 with my younger sister sometimes and nobody died or left traumatized.

This is totally different. We grew up in a much different time (im only 28 btw) and where i grew up at age 10 it was ok to leave our front door open all day while no one was home. Times are alot different now. its not the kids behaviour you have to worry about its the behaviour of others.

Its a sad but true fact that my parents and most around the country could let a 5 year old out to play on his own in his own estate with no supervision 15 or so years ago. Not so now.

Added to the fact, theres much more plugged in now, much more that can go on fire. If a house goes on fire, its much harder to smash a window etc..., get someone out etc.. Even the most responsible and calm of kids can struggle under pressure or freak out with a fire.

I'd never leave one of my kids alone until they were at least 12.

Chuchoter

Maybe 11, again depends hugely on the kid. Wouldn't have trusted my brother by himself at 11 for 5 minutes, but yeah 9 is way too young.

robinph

padr81 wrote: »

We grew up in a much different time ...

Did we?

The only thing I'd be certain that has changed is the availability of news media 24hours a day, via multiple methods and that this has made people more nervous. Anyone got any numbers to suggest that there are more house fires caused by children now compared with 30 years ago?

I'd have thought a kid left in front of a telly for an hour was safer now than being sent out to the garden 30 years ago to kick a ball around on their own.

00112984

I wouldn't leave a young child at home alone. In addition to all the reasons given above, I'd be terrified that something would happen to me and nobody would know the child was home alone. Like if I went out and slipped and knocked myelf unconscious or got hit by a bus or even just locked my keys into the car and couldn't get home, I'd be terrified of what a child of 9 or 6 or 5... would do if they suddenly realised they were alone for longer than expected and panicked.

I do believe that kids need to be taught how to be independent but I don't think being left in the house alone is the best way to do it' there's too many variables.

cynder

I was left home alone from the age of 8 and i had a hugh list of choirs to be done.

my lady has just gone 11 and ive left her once or twice in the last 4 months for a few mins. The older she gets the longer i will leave her for.
My boys come with me though (ages 5 and 3). I'll give her a few more years and she can then start minding them for a few mins and as she gets older those mins could turn into hours;).

littlebug

robinph wrote: »

Did we?
.

I think we did. I can only talk from my own experience of course but the key was always in the front door, grandparents were across the road and neighbours were friends so even if we were alone we weren't really. That said, I still have a small scar on my forehead from when my sister stuck scissors into me (age 3)when my parents were out farming :rolleyes:

Like others I would say 11/ 12 ish depending on maturity.

CrazyRabbit

I know some 16 year olds that can't be left alone at home! Within 30 mins, the place would look like a bomb exploded and there would be friends over 'having fun'.

It all depends on the child's maturity and the security of the house. House Alarm/dogs takes take of security.

TheQ47

silverharp wrote: »

I trust him because he's sensible, in the 6 years I've known him, hes never gone into drawers, put things in sockets etc. and he knows the drill.

:eek:The Drill!!! surely not!

Oh...


:P

Dudess

robinph wrote: »

Did we?

The only thing I'd be certain that has changed is the availability of news media 24hours a day, via multiple methods and that this has made people more nervous.

+1. What's actually changed significantly about the world since we were growing up, apart from an increase in paranoia?

padr81

Dudess wrote: »

+1. What's actually changed significantly about the world since we were growing up, apart from an increase in paranoia?

in Ireland, murder rates, robbery rates, rapes etc...

stovelid

padr81 wrote: »

it was ok to leave our front door open all day while no one was home.

Not where I was brought up mate. :pac:

And as such, I don't buy the golden era argument. I don't believe there was any more danger now than there was when I was a child, except a stark increase in the hysterical mediation of threat. Maybe I'm wrong? I have no idea of the robbery, assault and murder rates from then until now, but I'm not sure how they point to an increase in the possibility of child abduction unless you can clarify?

I genuinely don't know myself.

In fact, it would have far better as a kid for me to be able to ring my parents on a mobile at any time if left alone.

silverharp

stovelid wrote: »

Not where I was brought up mate. :pac:

And as such, I don't buy the golden era argument. I don't believe there was any more danger now than there was when I was a child, except a stark increase in the hysterical mediation of threat. Maybe I'm wrong? I have no idea of the robbery, assault and murder rates from then until now, but I'm not sure how they point to an increase in the possibility of child abduction unless you can clarify?

I genuinely don't know myself.

In fact, it would have far better as a kid for me to be able to ring my parents on a mobile at any time if left alone.

people have to remember that there is cultural bias here, the bad side of been linked in to UK ans US group think is that they are both neurotic when it comes to how kids and parents ought to behave. Go to places like Germany and you will notice that kids have more freedom, their parents tend to be neurotic about being cold and even in the summer very few would run around in their bear feet :pac: go to places like Estonia and try complain to a policeman that a kid is locked in a car and you might be done for wasting police time.


there is a lighheared blog on these types of issues called Free range kids , its a nice blog that helps me think outside the box a bit.

http://freerangekids.wordpress.com/

trustno1

My children are now 11 and 12 and I have been leaving them on their own since last year (last year the most I have left them would have been just under an hour). My parents live across the road and I have a dog that goes metal barking if someone just knocks on the door. I have no qualms about leaving them as they are both very senisble and they both know that they would be seriously punished if they step out of line (I am very fair.. but very strict when needs be). They also cook dinners (when I am there of course) and can both iron and know how to use the washing machine (there are only 3 of us in the house and as I keep telling them I am not their maid!). For me I think its very important that you show your children that you trust them (and you can only hope that they do the right thing!) and also that they have a good knowledge of how to look after themselves for later in life i.e. how to cook, clean etc.. my son can now make a fabulous chocolate cake without me being in the kitchen and he enjoys doing it which is the main thing..

lucy2010

they are far too precious to leave alone .. My sons nearly 9. I remember walking to a neighbours ;gone probably 3 minutes & spent the whole time panicing so it was pointless. Think its when im mature enough too to leave him home alone...

I have a 15 yr old step daughter & I have left her with the younger 2 but no longer than an hour. Shes so sensible & always rings to even tell you they are going out to play.

robinph

padr81 wrote: »

in Ireland, murder rates, robbery rates, rapes etc...

What are you basing that claim on? Any specific data to back it up, or is it just as I said that people are fed bad news 24hours a day by the media so become scared of the bogyman?

A very quick Googling found the data for murder going back 10 years:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_intentional_homicide_rate
Can't see anything there to suggest an increase has been happening.

Daisy!

I look after children for a living and in my experience of minding all ages for the last few years I'd say I wouldn't leave my own child alone for a short time until they were around 12 or 13. That would only be for a short time though, if I was away for a day I'd have to find other arrangements until they were at least 15/16. But then at that age you have other things to worry about :rolleyes:

cynder

Just to say that i was minding kids at 15 and staying over night as their parents were doing nights shifts and at 16 i left home rented a room and workled 5/7 8-12 hours a day.

We do worry about our kids more these days as we more aware of what goes on, yep those were the days that you could leave the keys in the door or leave the door wide open and nothing would happen, now , not a hope. You get people who pay a high price for leaving their kids for a while (mc canns) yet others can get away with it. You will never know its the wrong time until you get home and find your child gone, murdered or raped. S**t happens you cant predict when its gonna happen and to who, we as parents just try to prevent it from happening to our kids.

astra2000

grindelwald wrote: »

Just to say that i was minding kids at 15 and staying over night as their parents were doing nights shifts and at 16 i left home rented a room and workled 5/7 8-12 hours a day.

We do worry about our kids more these days as we more aware of what goes on, yep those were the days that you could leave the keys in the door or leave the door wide open and nothing would happen, now , not a hope. You get people who pay a high price for leaving their kids for a while (mc canns) yet others can get away with it. You will never know its the wrong time until you get home and find your child gone, murdered or raped. S**t happens you cant predict when its gonna happen and to who, we as parents just try to prevent it from happening to our kids.

Exactly grindelwald who wants to put their kids at risk even if it may be percieved to be a very small one. Does noone here recall what happened to the poor Mccann family when they were only a short distance away from their kids.

padr81

robinph wrote: »

What are you basing that claim on? Any specific data to back it up, or is it just as I said that people are fed bad news 24hours a day by the media so become scared of the bogyman?

A very quick Googling found the data for murder going back 10 years:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_intentional_homicide_rate
Can't see anything there to suggest an increase has been happening.

http://www.cso.ie/statistics/recordedmurders.htm

17 murders in 1990 when I was 9.
60 murders in 2006, when I was 25.

I'd say thats a major increase, no?

"its uncommon and will never happen to me" = famous last words.
I'll be the McCann's thought, ah we're only 100 yards away, nothing will happen. Better safe than sorry.

00112984

padr81 wrote: »

I'll be the McCann's thought, ah we're only 100 yards away, nothing will happen.

Ding-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling!!!

Was wondering when the McCanns would get a mention.

deisemum

The scumbag woman next door has been going out most nights and not getting back before 3am+ and leaves her children from 2 or 3 up to 12 or 14 locked in the house where they're running round screaming, crying and fighting with each other.

The most worrying thing is that there have been fires in previous places that they've rented.

This family is so dysfunctional. The woman's partner who's also known to the gardai beats the **** of of these children. They rarely go to school.

padr81

00112984 wrote: »

Ding-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling!!!

Was wondering when the McCanns would get a mention.

well it is the most high profile example.

Deisemum - report them to social services. Its better to do something about it or the kids could well turn out the same way.

Liberalbrehon

I think a dose of common sense applies. Go into city centres and you will see kids as young as 7 minding 3 or 4 year old's crossing busy roads. They may not get good education but they know how to look after themselves on the street. well until they bump into the local drug dealer.

What annoys me about this thread is the "ah sure it was safe back in my day"
let me tell you something, it was not safe back in your day. Your parents were just not open to the same media hype, where to busy working to worry excessively about things that might happen.

Young boys and girls were abused in small villages/towns around country in 1950's all the time. However, the risk of it happening were very small. Young children 8-10 and it does depend on the child are capable of staying in a house for a couple of hours without the sky falling in or the parent dying or not being able to get back to house. In fact they are capable of a lot more than they are given scope for.

It's up to the parent to decide, the parent maybe completely irresponsible or not but you have to build confidence in a young child or they will never become responsible for themselves. A little bit of , "you're staying on your own for a couple of hours. If you mess up you will lose privileges for a month".

So I would leave you with this final thought. You may risk something "bad" happening in the immediate but you may also be so over protective that it instills so much fear, lack of confidence, ability in your child that they are unable to act in the adult world with the self reliance that is required to survive and thrive. Just cause you can't see that risk in the future doesn't mean it isn't there. I have seen it happen and it can last decades to gain that confidence that should have been there. Life is full of risk. Children need to be taught that they have to bear the burden for their own well-being early on.

What about an different type of emergency where the eldest child is required to stay in house. If in an emergency they haven't been trained or given experience they become the burden rather than the help to save someone else. Point is being over protective is just as much a risk as being too laissez-faire about it.

So in regard the OP imo I think you over reacted to your husband. Your focus was completely misplaced. Because what you did was put too much emphasis on your husband's actions and not on your daughters achievement in self-reliance. You should have applauded her for that, instead you diminished it. I imagine her feelings were probably hurt by your actions. You should have a policy worked out in advance with partner/husband on building up daughters/children experience of minding themselves, so it is a slow build-up rather than a big bang. That was both your responsibility. And at the end of the day, a father will always take more risks with children than a mother, it's a genetic deficiency .

trustno1

astra2000 wrote: »

Exactly grindelwald who wants to put their kids at risk even if it may be percieved to be a very small one. Does noone here recall what happened to the poor Mccann family when they were only a short distance away from their kids.

Eh.. I think its apples and pears mentioning the McCanns here - the OP was asking at what age was an appropriate time to leave your children i.e. when they are at an age when they can start to look after themselves for a short time - the McCann children should have UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES been left on their own.. they were practially just babies.

littlebug

Liberalbrehon wrote: »

What annoys me about this thread is the "ah sure it was safe back in my day" .

Ah but...:pac:

In my post I wasn't talking about abuse. Actually we knew our friendly neighbourhood pervert well and knew not to let him in!

I still think things were different for some people in some places. My parents still live in the same house and there's no way they'd leave the key in the door now and it's got nothing to with media hype. It's a very rural area but quite a few people in the locality have been burgled over the past 10 years or so, some of them while they were at home, during the day. Again I can only talk from my own personal experience but that is something that just did not happen in that area 30/ 40 years ago. How would a child of 9 cope with that? Not worth the risk IMO.

Dublin_Gunner

Your child is old enough to be left home alone, when they're old enough to be trusted with their own key.

Simple.

I'd say a good age would probably be 11 or 12, maybe even 13.

Penny Dreadful

When I was 12 occasionally I was left in charge of my younger brother and sister after school and cooked dinner for them until my mother got home at 8pm.............this was in 1989 so not light years ago and we all survived. I also used to babysit for other people from time to time.

deisemum

padr81 wrote: »

well it is the most high profile example.

Deisemum - report them to social services. Its better to do something about it or the kids could well turn out the same way.

My neighbours and myself are blue in the face phoning Social Services trying to report what we're witnessing and they don't want to know despite TD intervention. When the social worker does turn up while they're in the house she'll ring the bell and flee before anyone can answer it and then tick it of her list of home visits.

We've been on to the gardai who seem to be the only ones doing anything, Barnardos, Social Services, Animal Welfare, Social Welfare, City Council, HSE.

The consensus seem to be that at 11 its okay to leave a child alone for a short while provided the child is happy to be left alone and is sensible about it.

My youngest use to walk home form school at 11 and let herself in and was on her own for about 1.15 hours...i wasn't very happy with having to do this but had no choice at the time...it was more the fact that she was coming home to an empty house, walking home on her own that worried me not the fact that she would be in the house minding her self... she was well able to take care of herself...i dont know if times are different now but i baby sat at 13 i had a part time job at 14...not sure if people would be happy with a 13 year old baby sitter now nor would people be happy to see a 14 year old working all the summer holidays

I know a girl who is now 28 but when she was 8 she was sent to a private school that involved going on public transport on her own...today if a child of 8 was put on the dart on their own and told to go to school it would be considered very bad parenting yet 20 years ago no one though anything of it!

old_aussie

From experience, about 35 years of age, if you want to come home and find the house intact.

But from 10 years of age they should be OK for a few mins.

stovelid

padr81 wrote: »

17 murders in 1990 when I was 9.
60 murders in 2006, when I was 25.

Not disputing this but you should bear in mind that the population is about 20% higher now which would account for some of the rise.

I still can't necessarily understand why there is an automatic correlation between murder rates and - still relatively rare I would assume - child abduction. I'm just surmising; perhaps somebody can enlighten us.

I also wonder how many murders fall into the category of purposeful abduction and murder - the kind most beloved of scare tales - as opposed to domestic killings, fights, gangland murders and so on. And of those abductions and murders, how many involve children.

It would appear to me to be nonsensical to use, say, gangland killings as a gauge to how likely your child is to be abducted and murdered but, again, perhaps somebody with more knowledge can enlighten me.

pickarooney

Liberalbrehon wrote: »

I think a dose of common sense applies. Go into city centres and you will see kids as young as 7 minding 3 or 4 year old's crossing busy roads. They may not get good education but they know how to look after themselves on the street. well until they bump into the local drug dealer.

If your seven year old is buying cocaine you're probably giving him too much pocket money.

Liberalbrehon

LOL

padr81

stovelid wrote: »

Not disputing this but you should bear in mind that the population is about 20% higher now which would account for some of the rise.

I still can't necessarily understand why there is an automatic correlation between murder rates and - still relatively rare I would assume - child abduction. I'm just surmising; perhaps somebody can enlighten us.

I also wonder how many murders fall into the category of purposeful abduction and murder - the kind most beloved of scare tales - as opposed to domestic killings, fights, gangland murders and so on. And of those abductions and murders, how many involve children.

It would appear to me to be nonsensical to use, say, gangland killings as a gauge to how likely your child is to be abducted and murdered but, again, perhaps somebody with more knowledge can enlighten me.

Indeed and I agree but i just stated murder rates were up from when I was a kid and i was told they weren't increasing by Robinph. No doubt the majority of these are gangland or domestic disputes etc... and i'd say the incident of child murders are more common among family members than strangers.

A child doesn't have to be abdutcted to be killed. A botched burgulary, some scum that breaks into a house find a child on his or her own and has his way with them (not murder buy you know)... while the odds are slim... very slim it still doesn't make it any less real for the families who have experienced it.

While you can never guarantee it won't happen, and i'd say its far more likely to happen a kid playing outside than one left alone in their own home it still happens. Isn't it better to makes the odds of it happening 0.0000000000000001% instead of 0.0000001%.

My way of thinking is why put yourself or your kids in a position where it could happen to you if you don't need to, thats all. No harm in giving kids a bit or responsibility at all, at 11-12 it'd be ok to let a child stay home alone for awhile knowing that they'd hopefully have the smarts to not allow anyone in etc... but if the worst came to the worst theirs no way they could fight off an attacker etc....