Found old ring receipt

adastra

I was going through my OHs stuff this morning (I know, I know) cos he never throws anything away, and I found a receipt from 10 years ago from a jewellers that says 'single diamond', for €500. I can only presume that for that price it was an engagement ring? He doesnt like talking much about his exes, but whenever I have asked him about them he has never mentioned that he was engaged, or proposed to anyone. I really want to ask him about it, but I don't want him to know that I was snooping.

By the way, we live together, going out nearly three years, so this makes me feel like I dont know him at all, and I'm sitting here feeling sick. I dont know what to do.

jessiejam

adastra wrote: »

I was going through my OHs stuff this morning (I know, I know) cos he never throws anything away, and I found a receipt from 10 years ago from a jewellers that says 'single diamond', for €500. I can only presume that for that price it was an engagement ring? He doesnt like talking much about his exes, but whenever I have asked him about them he has never mentioned that he was engaged, or proposed to anyone. I really want to ask him about it, but I don't want him to know that I was snooping.

By the way, we live together, going out nearly three years, so this makes me feel like I dont know him at all, and I'm sitting here feeling sick. I dont know what to do.

Unfortunately your always going to find something you don't want to see when you go snooping in other peoples belongings.
Maybe it was an engagement ring, but it was 7 years before you met him. Not everyone knows everything about everyones past, and tbh its probably better off this way. Your predicament is a perfect example of this.

Why not just bring it up in conversation, ask him was he ever tempted to get married to any of his ex's. He may tell you the answer, but be prepared to get an answer you may not like.
Then again, maybe he was looking after the reciept for a friend, and that friend didn't want his future mrs knowing how much the ring cost.

There are plenty of explanations for it, don't jump the gun just yet and in fairness its hardly a deal breaker though is it?

adastra

Thanks for your reply, and no, its not a deal breaker at all.

Its just he's said things to me before like how he's never loved anyone like he loves me, never opened up to anyone, etc etc, but there ain't no ring on my finger!

Plus now I know that he's moved into places with at least two of his exes, houses they've gotten together, but he wanted me to just move in here, the place he moved into with his last girlfriend (all rented, not bought). I know its a pain to move somewhere else, but sometimes I hate knowing he lived here with her, and he doesn't understand at all.

I feel a bit like I'm the girlfriend who has got to slot into his life, whereas before he seems to have started 'from scratch'. But if he's been burnt in the past I can see where he's coming from.

I'm just whining now, I know. I guess I'm feeling a little bit threatened, even if it was a long time ago

tinkerbell

You're only going out 3 years, why should he feel pressured to put a ring on your finger after 3 years?

It was a long time ago, it was way before you even started going out with the guy, he doesn't have to tell you about it.

Why don't you just talk to him about it? I mean what's the problem? You talk about saying there's no ring on your finger. If you ain't mature enough to bring this up with him and talk to him about it, then you ain't mature enough to get engaged IMO.

adastra

I don't think he should feel pressured to get engaged to me, not at all. I don't want to get engaged yet. I was just making the point that he says he's never felt like he does with me, yet he probably asked this other one to marry him. And he told me that his longest relationship was about two years, so the amount of time we've been together isn't an issue either.

If it was an engagement ring, I just don't like the fact that he kept it from me, when he expects me to tell him all about my other relationships, why they ended, etc, but he clams up when it comes to him. It makes me wonder what else I don't know.

Oryx

adastra wrote: »

I don't think he should feel pressured to get engaged to me, not at all. I don't want to get engaged yet. I was just making the point that he says he's never felt like he does with me, yet he probably asked this other one to marry him. And he told me that his longest relationship was about two years, so the amount of time we've been together isn't an issue either.

If it was an engagement ring, I just don't like the fact that he kept it from me, when he expects me to tell him all about my other relationships, why they ended, etc, but he clams up when it comes to him. It makes me wonder what else I don't know.

You are jumping to conclusions, it might have been a necklace, or for his ma! So rather than go around in this agony of not knowing, just tell the guy you found the receipt, (tho you werent snooping) and was it an engagement ring? If you have a good relationship it should survive a conversation like this. And its better than doubting the poor guy, and feeling insecure.

dublingal80

adastra wrote: »

I feel a bit like I'm the girlfriend who has got to slot into his life, whereas before he seems to have started 'from scratch'. But if he's been burnt in the past I can see where he's coming from.

I'm just whining now, I know. I guess I'm feeling a little bit threatened, even if it was a long time ago

op - it doesnt sound like finding a receipt from 10 years ago for a ring is the issue here from what you wrote above


Everyone has a past, and im sure we all have one thing or a couple of things that we havent told our current partners. All that matters is that he loves you, and you love him, you are both honest eith eachother about your relaitonship with eachother, you trust eachother and you communicate and move forward. I really wouldnt be bringing up something from 10 years ago!! although, why did you even start snooping. Sounds like you arent sure about this relationship at all...

Beruthiel

adastra wrote: »

I can only presume that for that price it was an engagement ring?

Making stuff up in your head, doesn't make it true.

Why, oh why would you give a second thought to something he bought over SEVEN years before meeting you?

Seriously like, let it go and get on with your life. What he did 10 years ago with his money, is his business. He had a life before you came along you know.

Don't bring this up with him. If something like that was brought up with me, I believe I'd laugh myself silly.

shellyboo

You are blowing this out of all propotion. You snooped, now you're making massive leaps to conclusions that barely even make sense.

Firstly, that it was an engagement ring. You don't know that. Secondly, that he's loved someone else as much as he loves you, even though he says he hasn't. Thirdly, that because he "proposed" to someone else that means he loved them more than you.

Each and every one of those assumptions is b*llshlt. It was 7 years ago, and he's not with that person any more. Maybe he did propose - does that mean he was truly, properly in love? Does anyone know what real love is until they find it? No and no. Even if he did propose, it didn't work out, so what are you crying about? You've got him, you win. Imaginary engagement ring or no imaginary engagement ring.

Do NOT bring this up with him, it will cause an uholy row, you'll be even more miserable and it will be 100% your own making. Have faith in your boyfriend whom you claim to love and ignore your highly overactive imagination. Also - stop snooping in his stuff. You're asking for trouble.

StarryMoon0

adastra wrote: »

I was just making the point that he says he's never felt like he does with me, yet he probably asked this other one to marry him. And he told me that his longest relationship was about two years, so the amount of time we've been together isn't an issue either.

If it was an engagement ring, I just don't like the fact that he kept it from me, when he expects me to tell him all about my other relationships, why they ended, etc, but he clams up when it comes to him. It makes me wonder what else I don't know.

Umm..10 years ago.Ok, lets say it was an engagement ring. Maybe just maybe he was young and "in love" and on a whim asked a girl to marry him. 10 years is a long time. Maybe he got over it in a week and never thought about it again, chalking it up to being young and silly? Maybe he's embarrassed? People do things when they are younger that they would never consider doing now.

Well, does he actually expect you to tell him about your past relationships? As in, does he exlpicitly ask detailed questions?
If so and he won't say a word about his, then thats a bit unfair because openness goes both ways.

If your going down the "wonder what else i don't know" road, your treading on a dangerous path to questioning the trust, do you want to do this? Is there anything before this that made your gut tell you soemthing was wrong??

ManOfMystery

I bought a ring at £800 a few years ago. The reason I bought it? My friend wanted it as a surprise for his gf but didn't any chance of her seeing his card statement or the like and spotting the purchase. So once the suprise was done and dusted, he gave me the money back.

Don't go jumping to conclusions over a 10yr old receipt.

And even if he did get engaged, he's older and wiser now - and what he did 10 yrs ago has little or no bearing on his 3yr relationship with you.

John Mason

my ex bought me a ring that cost 500e and another for 600e years ago and they werent engagement rings.

you are completely jumping to conclusions.

and so what if he wanted to get engaged ten years ago - he isnt with that person anymore, he is with you.

that fact that you cant ask him is a really worrying sign for your relationship

adastra

StarryMoon0 wrote: »

Well, does he actually expect you to tell him about your past relationships? As in, does he exlpicitly ask detailed questions?
If so and he won't say a word about his, then thats a bit unfair because openness goes both ways.

Yes, he asks detailed questions, but he won't answer questions about his exes. He just brushes them off.

I am going to ask him about it when he gets home from work. He has flat out lied about his ex before, told me they were housemates and they only kissed a few times, but then I found out they actually moved into this house where we live now together, as a couple. When I confronted him about it he told me he 'forgot'. So I'm afraid that he will do the same about this.

If, and I know its a big if, it was an engagement ring, if he had told me about it all along I wouldn't care. He is a big one for being open and honest, so it's the fact that he never told me, when I've asked him questions about his exes that bothers me.

I dunno...guess I'll find out in a few hours either way

BettePorter

irishbird wrote: »

that fact that you cant ask him is a really worrying sign for your relationship

EXACTLY ! Even if any of your presumptions or fears are true (highly unlikely and not a current issue imo)......the fact the you you've come here rather than ask the simple question, even in a sarastic way says to me your esteem or equality in the relationship isn't what it should be anyway. Reading this i'm having visions of natasha in corrie !............For god sake just say to him, ' hoi you're a messy fecker and when i was cleaning up after you i found this, what was it for '? I'm sensing that your issue is not that he never mentioned being engaged but rather ' did is love someone more than me cause he's never asked me '! so what your basically saying is......' if he proposed tomorrow, you would suddenly be validated and any past engagement wouldn't be an issue !.....Lets just hope for your sake, if and when he does propose he doesn't do it with a non returnable, one diamond ring worth oooh i'd say 500 squids !!!!!;)

adastra

BettePorter wrote: »

EXACTLY ! Even if any of your presumptions or fears are true (highly unlikely and not a current issue imo)......the fact the you you've come here rather than ask the simple question, even in a sarastic way says to me your esteem or equality in the relationship isn't what it should be anyway. Reading this i'm having visions of natasha in corrie !............For god sake just say to him, ' hoi you're a messy fecker and when i was cleaning up after you i found this, what was it for '? I'm sensing that your issue is not that he never mentioned being engaged but rather ' did is love someone more than me cause he's never asked me '! so what your basically saying is......' if he proposed tomorrow, you would suddenly be validated and any past engagement wouldn't be an issue !.....Lets just hope for your sake, if and when he does propose he doesn't do it with a non returnable, one diamond ring worth oooh i'd say 500 squids !!!!!

Lol:) If the receipt was just lying around I could do that, but its in a ring binder with all his other financial stuff, so I can't say I just came across it. I know I've got a problem with insecurity, and he knows it too, and I've been much better the last few months and I don't want to take a big step backwards by telling him how I found it. So basically, I'm going to pretend I'm looking for something else in the folder and ask him about it that way. And yes, I know thats very stupid but I dont want to make things worse than they have to be

MistyCheese

adastra wrote: »

Plus now I know that he's moved into places with at least two of his exes, houses they've gotten together, but he wanted me to just move in here, the place he moved into with his last girlfriend (all rented, not bought). I know its a pain to move somewhere else, but sometimes I hate knowing he lived here with her, and he doesn't understand at all.

If you keep comparing your relationship to his previous ones it's likely you'll never be happy. If he was to give you everything you want you would just find something else to be jealous about. The emboldened text above suggests that you find it uncomfortable living in a house that he lived in with a previous girlfriend. Most people can't move house each time they begin a new relationship.

It's entirely possible that your boyfriend has seen how badly you deal with the knowledge of what he did with his previous partners and so has decided to tell you as little as possible. I can't say that I blame him really. The more he tells you, the more you obsess and compare and contrast and wreck your own head. This is your relationship, yours and his, so judge it on it's own merits.

Oryx

Maybe he doesnt talk about his exes because he knows it would only feed your insecurity.

Everyone has a past, its something you need to come to terms with, because no matter who you are with, chance are they loved someone before you. The important bit is that he loves YOU now.

Fittle

Ok, so you've got a problem with insecurity - that's not a sin, and I think we're all a slight bit insecure in relationships.

But then there's this bit....'He has flat out lied about his ex before, told me they were housemates and they only kissed a few times, but then I found out they actually moved into this house where we live now together, as a couple. When I confronted him about it he told me he 'forgot'.

So he told you that he only kissed someone before, and yet he actually LIVED in the house you now live in, with her (as his girlfriend)'

Alarm Bells. How did you tackle that one OP - and when he said he 'forgot', what else does he 'forget'? Why would he not have been honest with you about that?

Having said all of the above...not sure a receipt from 7yrs before he met you should have any impact on your current relationship.

astra2000

I completly agree with fittle he forgot he lived with his ex as his girlfriend? come on. All you girls giving the op a hard time would any of ye think it would be appropriate for your boyfriend to expect you to move into a flat he had rented with his ex and not tell you about it I dont think so.Op the fact that he claims to have forgotten this would worry me a lot more than the receipt for a ring from ten years ago. There is more wrong in your relationship than a long gone ring sorry for been blunt.

shellyboo

astra2000 wrote: »

I completly agree with fittle he forgot he lived with his ex as his girlfriend? come on. All you girls giving the op a hard time would any of ye think it would be appropriate for your boyfriend to expect you to move into a flat he had rented with his ex and not tell you about it I dont think so.Op the fact that he claims to have forgotten this would worry me a lot more than the receipt for a ring from ten years ago. There is more wrong in your relationship than a long gone ring sorry for been blunt.

Um, do you make your partners buy a new bed every time you get with someone? Change their clothes? Car? Lips? Genitals? Where does it end, like?

FFS. It's in the PAST. OVER. Who gives a crap who lived there before, who he was with before, who he bought an unknown item of jewellery for BEFORE? He's with her NOW. We have all made mistakes, perhaps these women were his learning curve? What he needed to love and appreciate someone properly?

Considering the OP is *torturing* herself because she found a receipt - a 10-year old receipt!!!! - it's no damn wonder he didn't tell her he lived with someone before. The insecurity is scary.

niceoneted

OP the receipt was for a 'single diamond' and perhaps that's exactly what it was a single diamond and not a ring. Maybe e had some money at the time and decided to buy a diamond to have to use to propose to the right girl at the right time. I know a guy who did this in south africa and he wasn't even going out with anyone at the time. He used it to propose and his now wife got to design the ring herself.

The past is the past, his exes are in the past so let it be. It worries me though that you say he ask lots of questions but won't answer any you ask.
It would be a deal breaker for me if I found out someone was going through my personal stuff. I am an open book though so I would interpret it as someone not trusting/believing me.

422nd

My 2 cents.

Surely if it was an engagement ring and it didn't work out then the ring would have been returned and he wouldn't have the receipt anymore?

dublingal80

did u say it to him last night op?

La frog fairy

OP you must have had very bad experiences in the past to be so insecure; I really dont think snicking around in his stuff and in files etc is appropriate or even acceptable especially after 3 years together.
At this stage you should be comfortable with each other and enjoy your relationship, if he is with you after all that time that means he loves YOU.
Have you always snick around his stuff, or is it something you have started to do due to maybe some events or some things that has made you mistrust him?
If you always have been like this then you are on for a life of misery, this is no way to leave, this will become an obsession and will break your relationship.
like most posters have said its in the past and long gone, you have too much time on your hands, get yourself busy and go hangout with your friends etc...stop obsessing about something that happened 10 years ago before he even met you! this is self destructive and you will only have your eyes to cry, if you keep pushing on this you will lose him as clearly there might be part of his past that he does not want to share, or fear to share with you as you seem to blow everything out of proportion.
thread carefuly is my best advise.
Off topic: Im a terrible speller today, my bad!:D

Oryx

dublingal80 wrote: »

did u say it to him last night op?

Please dont ask the op whats happening. Unless they choose to post again, its none of our business.

curlzy

Hey OP,
You do come across as a bit insecure but in fairness to you, he's not terribly honest is he? He gets all the info on your past relationships but won't tell you about his, he lied about his housemate (who was really his girlfriend), I would be insecure if my OH behaved like that. Hmmmm do you think you're insecure or did he tell you that you are? Where you insecure before you met him? I wouldn't agree with living in a house that my OH had lived in with a previous girlfriend, in fact I big fat wouldn't do it. There something about your post that unsettles me.

With regards to the receipt, if he's lied before about previous relationship what's the point in asking him about the receipt?

StarryMoon0

curlzy wrote: »

Hey OP,
You do come across as a bit insecure but in fairness to you, he's not terribly honest is he? He gets all the info on your past relationships but won't tell you about his, he lied about his housemate (who was really his girlfriend), I would be insecure if my OH behaved like that. Hmmmm do you think you're insecure or did he tell you that you are? Where you insecure before you met him? I wouldn't agree with living in a house that my OH had lived in with a previous girlfriend, in fact I big fat wouldn't do it. There something about your post that unsettles me.

With regards to the receipt, if he's lied before about previous relationship what's the point in asking him about the receipt?

I'm thinking like Curlzy. Who wouldn't be a bit insecure if thier OH has knowingly lied to them before, is secretive about his past and yet wants to know everything about hers?

There is a bit of mistrust there, and while yes the OP may be a bit insecure, she has indicated that there's a reason for that.

magneticimpulse

I remember I dated a guy and about 1 month being together he told me he still had the engagement ring from a relationship 10 years previous (even thou he had a relationship for 5 years after that relationship). I thought it was strange as he said he kept the ring to remind him to never rush into a relationship again, but that when he met me, he had left the engagement ring in the local Tesco charity box.

He also still lived in the house which he lived in with his ex of 5 years and it was really odd...as her stuff was still lying around the place even after 2 years. (yes they had broken up), but he was the type of guy that kept everything. Receipts for cars they bought etc lying around. It was very annoying...receipts for cars he didnt even own anymore. I know I scraped all receipts and bills that are more then 1 year old, especially if its to do with cars i no longer own.

Reminds me of OP...seems like a guy that holds onto everything from the past. Why hasnt he moved somewhere new? Why did he lie about living in that house with his previous girlfriend? I do think its important, i do think maybe he needs a new start. Maybe the diamond is still in the house? If he still has the receipt, I doubt he even returned the diamond.

La frog fairy

its from 10 YEARS AGO !!!

Am i the only one here that think you are over analyzing everything!


I'm sorry but most guys hold into things without even realyzing it, no offense I dont think its a particular bad traits but my brothers are like that, my guy friends, not a big deal.

Maybe he hold on to it a while back then just simply forgot about it.
and for the appartment then could be that he likes the place and thats it! men are a whole lot simpler than we are!! clearly theres exception cause I have a girlfriend that lives in the same house she lived in with her ex and her current boyfriend couldnt care less.

I a firm believer the more you try to find issues and problems the more you will create them. And I think you are doing just that.

The main reason im sure he has not told you about the ex flatemate being a girlfriend etc is simply because he knows you are insecure as hell, as you are proving you are so far, and he just really doesnt want to bother getting into arguments or justification about it.

What would it brings you to know all about his exes or past relationship or if it was a ring or not etc when you are in a relationship with him and supposely happy??

That is what im wondering....most guys dont like to talk about exes, or past relationship, thats a fact! us woman are more sensitive and would talk about anything but for guys its diferent, especially like i said if he knows you are someone who is going to think over night and day and make issues of it then better not to say. problem solve!

At least if i were him i certainly would do the same to avoid confrontation where theres no need to

the end of it is you are not secure, as you said yourself even though you said you have done some progress (im fearing to imagine how you were before, :rolleyes:) im not trying to be harsh here but you need to look at your relationship and see what is is that you want, we all have had love for other people before but what matters is now, the present and you seem to be obsessed about the past a bit too much.

Work on yourself i would say or maybe this is not the relationship you want, if not knowing or him not talking in details about his past or living in the same place etc..a problem for you then maybe he is not the right guy for you.

422nd

La frog fairy wrote: »

men are a whole lot simplier than we are!!

You lost all credibility there.

Nevyn

Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

La frog fairy

gonna assumed it was for my little misspelled word, Geee my bad mister!:D

I am a friend

Fittle wrote: »

Ok, so you've got a problem with insecurity - that's not a sin

No, its not. but snooping through his 'ring binder with all his other financial stuff', is very bad form. She doesnt trust him, but he surely should not trust her....

lynsalot

Look you're a little insecure. You found a receipt for jewelery. Yes it's a little odd that he still has it. Maybe he's forgotten about it?? I think its a simple case of your imagination running away with itself. Because you don't feel like you should ask him about it, you're trying ti justify why its there.

I think you should talk to him. Explain you were snooping. Be completely honest with him. Tell him why you felt u had to. Tell him you feel threatened but you don't know why. Better to be honest and have it all out in the open so all the cards are on the table.

Look OP, I was married at 24 and i'm separated and 27 now. New boyfriend (well going out 1 year) still in marital home I shared with my husband. Wouldn't have gotten married if I didn't love my ex but i'm older now and a hell of a lot wiser. I've a happier relationship. I have wedding stuff in a box in the wardrobe. Things family gave me. It's still there. My boyfriend doesn't snoop but if he ever came and said he had a look or felt threatened, we'd discuss it and resolve it. Ok I know its not from ten years ago but your OH deserves the truth at least. IF u sit down and talk its less likely to happen again and it'll prove to you you've no need to be worried.

Best of luck and don't worry, plenty of people let curiousity get the better of them but you should discuss the underlying issue here.

All the best
Lyns