Flatmates boyfriend always here

sandi24

recently by flatmate got a boyfriend.There is only the two of us living in this small flat and her boyfriend it always here.He comes at 7 in the evenin stays til the next morning and all they do is sit on the sofa watching tv mostly with the sound down and all over each other. I know she is tryin to make me feel uncomfortable so that i wont stay inthe sitting room.There is only one tv in the house.Its getting really annoying:mad::mad::mad:

Ickle Magoo

I've given you your own thread to save you resurrecting a very old thread by someone else. :cool:

LegacyUser

Having been through a situation like this recently, I know it is one of the most annoying things that can happen when sharing a house or flat with others.

It's hard to give advice without knowing a few more details. Is your flatmate a friend of yours or were you strangers when you started living together? Where does the boyfriend officially live (even though it feels like he is living in your flat) - with his parents, far from town, in digs? Has your flatmate hinted at any reason why he is always there and she can't or won't go to his place?

I'm sure the situation can't go on much longer without you losing your head - that's how I felt - but it has to be handled carefully to avoid a blazing row or lasting resentment between you and your flatmate.

Mary Hairy

There is only one thing to do. Move! You are not going to be able to relax in your own home and they are not going to stop.

LegacyUser

I would probably just move too, this has nightmare situation written all over it! Clearly she doesn't really care how comfortable you feel in the house and Chances are if you say something she is just gonna think your jealous or something similar. I dont think its worth even trying to sort out through talking considering she seems so unreasonable. Just try and find soomewhere else hopefully cheaper and more spacious for 2 wins!!! Good luck!

Miss Fluff

Tell her to get a TV for her room so that at least if he comes around they can stay out of communal living areas, only fair....

mikemac

Yeah, been there, you become a stranger in your own home.

And then sometimes the blowin gives out to you for using the hot water for your shower when they don't even pay the ESB :mad:

Move, it's for the best

Des Carter

What is with all this move out and run away from your problem crap I mean seriously what happened to being assertive. What you need to do is let her know that your not going to be bullied into moving/not watching TV.

This is what you have to do

1. go home early before the bf and start watching TV. put up the volume and tell her your watching it (even if your not).

2. invite some of your friends over and take up the sitting room yourself

3. go into the sitting room and make yourself comfortable everytime your flatmate is getting cuddly with the bf so they dont get any peace and will eventually move somewhere else to get cosy.

After this you can let him come over and even let them have the TV every once in a while cause you dont want to be a complete b!tch either.

CiaranMT

Des Carter wrote: »

What is with all this move out and run away from your problem crap I mean seriously what happened to being assertive. What you need to do is let her know that your not going to be bullied into moving/not watching TV.

This is what you have to do

1. go home early before the bf and start watching TV. put up the volume and tell her your watching it (even if your not).

2. invite some of your friends over and take up the sitting room yourself

3. go into the sitting room and make yourself comfortable everytime your flatmate is getting cuddly with the bf so they dont get any peace and will eventually move somewhere else to get cosy.

After this you can let him come over and even let them have the TV every once in a while cause you dont want to be a complete b!tch either.

I agree with Des. Don't understand all this walking away from a problem. Gotta stand up for yourself, after all, you are also paying rent there.

Would agree with the points made in his post.

HavingCrack

Be as awkward and as difficult as possible. Turn the TV up really loud when they're in the room, hit off them walking by, have it out with your flatmate about the amount of time he's over...etc. It's your house too-why should you be forced to move out

Out of interest could you complain to the landlord about the amount of time the boyfriend is over??

Fremen

I'd have to disagree with the other posters here. Psychological warfare is not the way to go, and some of the solutions people are proposing are a little immature- they'll just lead to resentment and make the flat an even more uncomfortable place to live.

The grown-up way to handle this is to sit your flatmate down some evening, preferably when her boyfriend isn't there, maybe pour her a glass of wine, and calmly tell her that what she's doing is making you a little uncomfortable. Try to do it nicely, without being accusatory or confrontational.

If you really don't want to do that, you could leave her a note explaining how you feel. Some people find notes are a bit passive-aggressive, so you need to be clear that you're writing it because you really don't like confrontations.

Long story short, honesty is the best policy here. She probably won't go nuts, but if she does you can just hand her your notice and get out of there.

Darlughda

Yes, Freman is correct, using psychological warfare is not the way to handle this, and neither of you will learn anything other than just how living with others can be hell when someone has the fear of confrontation.

You don't say how old you are, but is this the first time for you and your flatmate living away from home?

It might be worth looking at a thread in the Accom and Property forum called 'The equitable houseshare' here it is:
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2054867603

This will give you an idea of how best to go about approaching a flat/houseshare.

It is a good idea to ask you flatmate to set one evening aside so you can discuss bills, eg, cable and broadband, esb, gas, TV license etc,
and then say honestly that you are unhappy with him being constantly around, and in your space that you are paying rent in. Don't sugar coat it, be straight direct, but in a calm tone of voice.

Ask her if she can agree a compromise whereby he be over for a couple of nights a week, but not for them to infringe on your space.

I know its awkward, but PDA's are a no-no in shared households, other than the auld drunken kiss or fumble after a night out, so again, you need to be honest here, this is your home.

If you resort to some of the passive-aggressive techniques suggested by other posters here, you will only have an escalation of the situation, plus a freeze-out happening and you will end up miserable.

sandi24

Hey,Thanks for everyones advice.I had a chat with her today and asked if it was possible that he did not come over so much or at least came later at night so i could at least have some time to relax.However it came to no avail.Was told ''to get used to it and i needed to get a boyfriend and i needed to out more''Problem is she knows i have been really ill lately so going out is'nt an option for a few weeks.Am i over reacting.I also said about them been all over each other is unconfortable she just laughed.I dont think i have much option but to move.Getting sick of staying in my room and made feel like im a guest in my own home.There is one slight problem which i should have mentioned.she is my sister.She is 30 and i am 24.We moved intogether 2 years ago When i finished college.She was suffering from terrible depression and needed someone to look after her and also for company.We rent this small flat together and it worked well as most of the time we rarely saw much of each other as both were doing our own thing.What can i do as we are more then just flatmates.

HavingCrack

sandi24 wrote: »

Hey,Thanks for everyones advice.I had a chat with her today and asked if it was possible that he did not come over so much or at least came later at night so i could at least have some time to relax.However it came to no avail.Was told ''to get used to it and i needed to get a boyfriend and i needed to out more''Problem is she knows i have been really ill lately so going out is'nt an option for a few weeks.Am i over reacting.I also said about them been all over each other is unconfortable she just laughed.I dont think i have much option but to move.Getting sick of staying in my room and made feel like im a guest in my own home.There is one slight problem which i should have mentioned.she is my sister.She is 30 and i am 24.We moved intogether 2 years ago When i finished college.She was suffering from terrible depression and needed someone to look after her and also for company.We rent this small flat together and it worked well as most of the time we rarely saw much of each other as both were doing our own thing.What can i do as we are more then just flatmates.

Ahhhhh that changes the situation quite a bit to be honest. I'm not sure what other posters views are but I'd advise against sharing with family, it complicates things. Your sister sounds very immature and unreasonable for someone whose 30, if you're paying rent you're entitled to stay in all day every day if you want. Her boyfriend isn't contributing anything so why should he be able to spend all his time at yours. OP, your sister won't change by the sounds of things so I'd just move out if I were you or else you could have a massive falling out with a member of your family. I know thats the opposite of what I said earlier but the sister thign definately changes it.

Izzy711

First off, I wouldn't live with a family member if my life depended on it.

Kudos to you for sitting her down and talking to her. Sorry it didn't do any good. Because I am a total beotch, I would jump to the psychological warfare while looking for another place.

I would make them very uncomfortable. While they are necking, I would go in and sit down and stare at them. Then I would tilt my head and say something like, "Hmmm, how do you do that? Does that really taste that good? What flavor is her chapstick?" You can peg it off as being the annoying little sister!

Good luck to you!

Big Bag of Chips

You will always be her "little sister".
She will always know better than you.
She will always know more than you.
She will always have to "keep an eye" on you.

Move out..

But have a little fun first! Sit on the same couch as them, very close.. saying things like "budge up".. "room for a small one".. "turn this up will you, I can't hear it"..

Maybe even lean over them and feel around for the remote, but be careful of what else you might feel!

Go on, they're having a bit of fun at your expense.. deliberately making you uncomfortable.. now it's your time!

Overheal

sandi24 wrote: »

recently by flatmate got a boyfriend.There is only the two of us living in this small flat and her boyfriend it always here.He comes at 7 in the evenin stays til the next morning and all they do is sit on the sofa watching tv mostly with the sound down and all over each other. I know she is tryin to make me feel uncomfortable so that i wont stay inthe sitting room.There is only one tv in the house.Its getting really annoying:mad::mad::mad:

Yes, I am sure thats the first thing on her mind.

Women everywhere need to understand that Cock-blocking is not just for men. Try it sometime. Next time they're too busy with their own faces - and clearly they aren't watching television - change the channel, find something good on, ignore the pair and enjoy.

that she's your sister is a little more complicated but still in essence she doesn't own but half of that living room.

Darlughda

Right. This situation sucks big time.

You have to work out as no. 1 priority how to move out.

You have tried the reasonable route and your 30 yr old sister has behaved like a 13 yr old.

What the hell can you do?

I have a sister, somewhere in me I love to bits, but if we are in the same room together for more than an hour the pyschological warfare is evil.

I don't like it about myself, but when it comes to her, all is fair in love and games.

So, in this instance, go for the tactics described above! Squeeze into the sofa beside them and compliment her boyfriend on his big eyelashes or whatever. Talk incessantly and if they start kissing keep talking. Comment on the fact that she's your sister and isn't it all great you can sit there together.

Yep, has to be said, when it comes to sisters pulling that crap, you need to bone up on the psychological warfare to survive, until you can figure out a way to move out.

CDfm

can i ask if you have seperate bedrooms ?

your sister seems very inconsiderate/selfish/weird and it is fairly naff behaviour to be going on with.

you are perfectly within your rights to pop in turn the telly up and watch it and if that cramps her style tell her to take it to the bedroom as you dont mind.

i would be looking for a houseshare elsewhere btw and move on

chalk it down to experience that this is your sisters real personality and i know that you love her as a sister but she does not sound likeable

TitoPuente

Yuck. Contrary to the advice about making them uncomfortable and engaging in 'psychological warfare', just move out. Your sister is obviously a selfish and immature brat and you're better off living somewhere that you're happy. Don't stoop to her level as so many people seem to be advising you because... that makes you nearly as bad as her.

Emme

Seeing as she's your sister and bullying you like that, I'd move out. You were good to her when she wasn't well but she isn't being good to you.

daithi09

ok I'm not sure if this'l work, but if you have a gd body just show it off, he's a man, he'l look.. and she'l get very pissed off... cold even break up there relationship.. ah brilliant

Ickle Magoo

daithi09, please don't use textspeak in this forum.

daithi09

Sorry about the gd, it's a bad habit and the cold was just a typo..

sandi24

Thanks,think i know what i have to do,Going to move asap.Its time before the situation gets any worse and we end up never falling out.now just have to tell her.should be fun :D:D