Dumped by text

LegacyUser

Hi, I am in a bad way as I type this. My girlfriend of 3.5 yrs dumped me this morning. I woke up and turned on my phone and there was a text saying that she wanted to end things. I am finding this really hard to take, I am in a total state of shock and constantly crying.
Only last night I collected her from work and dropped her home, she said she loved me and would ring me later. She never did. What will I do, her phone is turned off all morning, so I cant get in contact with her.

LegacyUser

That is awful, I feel for you very much

take control of the situation NOW !

She deminished a 3.5 years relationship by ending things by text, then dont give her the satisfaction to ask for a reason.

Its really cold turkey but hey! she texted you to say she doesnt want to keep seeing you AND to top it off she cowardly have her phone off ...
I would strongly suggest to not call or text or anything, dont contact her at all, period!!

I bet you anything she will wonder why you are not asking her some explaining etc and will contact you right back.

Dont give her the satisfaction to walk all over you and treat you like you're nothing even more, her actions do not deserve a reply in any shape or form.
I speak by experience trust me.

Be strong, be very strong and call your friends and start planning a busy weekend!!

Wish you best of luck and stay strong !

LegacyUser

You poor pet. What a cow!!! She is behaving awfully and this is no consolation now but it will help you get over her quicker. No one deserves that. What you need to do now is ignore her. Stop calling her. Dont call her today or tomorrow or ever. She doesnt deserve the ego boost. She will get a shock when you just let her off and its all she deserves.

Onwards and upwards.

StarryMoon0

yikes, thats cold .. 3.5 years and thats how she does it??
wow.

I feel for you big time.
You cry all you want, its good to get it out of you, its a grieving process. You will see in the coming days /weeks that the tears are less harsh.

Only thing I can say, if this is how you are treated after 3 years of being with someone, is that someone you could really ever be with forever anyways?

Sephiroth_dude

the sex fairy wrote: »

That is awful, I feel for you very much

take control of the situation NOW !

She deminished a 3.5 years relationship by ending things by text, then dont give her the satisfaction to ask for a reason.

Its really cold turkey but hey! she texted you to say she doesnt want to keep seeing you AND to top it off she cowardly have her phone off ...
I would strongly suggest to not call or text or anything, dont contact her at all, period!!

I bet you anything she will wonder why you are not asking her some explaining etc and will contact you right back.

Dont give her the satisfaction to walk all over you and treat you like you're nothing even more, her actions do not deserve a reply in any shape or form.
I speak by experience trust me.

Be strong, be very strong and call your friends and start planning a busy weekend!!

Wish you best of luck and stay strong !

Thats great advice right there,could'nt have said it better myself.

sbsquarepants

If this is truly, a total bolt from the blue, maybe she lost her phone or something and someone is just taking the piss? If not, and everyting was perfectly fine last night, but then you wake up to this, you should hardly need me to tell you you're better off without her!
Third option is that there is more to this than you've told here (for whatever reason)

LegacyUser

It's very hard to put a three and a half year relationship behind you, so I don't agree with the advice to not get in contact with her. You need to have it out with her, at least then you can properly put it behind you. She owes you one hell of an explanation.

I'm amazed that over the last three and a half years you got no inkling that you're girlfriend is a complete cow!

LegacyUser

Op here. All i can say is that, we had a fight a few days back over her bringing an ex boyfriend back into her life. This guy was constantly hounding her when we first went out, but she ignored him up until a few months ago. I only found out she was back talking to him by a pervy message that he left on her facebook page. Speaking of facebook, she has deleted me as a friend, has her relationship status changed, and that she is seeking men!!!!!!! And guess who has left a message on her page, the ex, saying that they obviously have a lot to talk about!! I am inconsolable. Devastated. Feel sick.

StarryMoon0

dumped wrote: »

Op here. All i can say is that, we had a fight a few days back over her bringing an ex boyfriend back into her life. .

Hate to read into that, but ... this could be the reason. The ex is back.


She is some coward to do this without giving you any explanation at all.

LegacyUser

unregistered wrote: »

It's very hard to put a three and a half year relationship behind you, so I don't agree with the advice to not get in contact with her. You need to have it out with her, at least then you can properly put it behind you. She owes you one hell of an explanation.

I'm amazed that over the last three and a half years you got no inkling that you're girlfriend is a complete cow!

Have to agree.

Normally I would say forget her, move on, but in this particular case I think it's quite clear that she's most likely leaving you for her ex, and you deserve an explanation, she deserves to have you make things difficult for her by asking her what on earth she's playing at. Don't let her walk into another relationship without at least offering you an explanation, without having to suffer the awkward conversations she thinks she is avoiding by dumping you by text.

This is unbelievably cowardly of her.

Surely you have to have noticed what type of person she is over the past few years. No decent person could do this to their boyfriend.

Once again, a prime example of the dangers of facebook and being friends with exes...

jessiejam

Theres your explanation right there
She's gone back to her ex

She obv thinks she wants to be with him again. You can bet your bottom dollar it won't work out with them and she will be crawling back to you again.

He's her ex for a reason.

You know what people that walk out of your life without a valid reason aren't worth bothering about.

If she did what she did to you after 3.5 years. She's not worth the tears. Surround yourself with friends and do things you like to do.

You will get through this and hey what doesn't kill us will only make us stronger

Best of luck

dan_d

God OP, that is harsh.

I suppose that's her true colours. I hate to say it but you really need to move on. Find a shoulder to cry on, get it out of your system, then pick yourself up, and keep going.

It's terrible though.Very harsh.

MRBEAVER

She is back with the Ex. I would though go and meet her face to face and demand some kind of an explanation. Wait for her outside her job or house if necessary. Then cut all contact and begin the grieving process. very cowardly and cold way to end it after 3 1/2 years.

LegacyUser

Not too sound too harsh OP, but your ex is a bitch. She not only showed you a lack of respect after a 3.5 year relationship, but a lack of respect as a human being. God, the dumping-by-text cowards really get my goat, it really is the easy, spineless way out.

It does sound like there might be something going on with her ex, but does it matter after the way she's just treated you? You deserve to be with someone who loves you and treats you right. No doubt she'll come crawling back to you soon enough.

LegacyUser

Sorry but the « after 3 and half years you need closure cos its hard to move on from it so contact her » speech is useless
…she gave him closure already…by breaking up with him by text and then turning her phone off !

She is a coward and unfortunately didnt respect the fact you had been together than long to give you that explaination, better yet, she double locked the door to communication by deleting you and having the ex posting already less than 24hrs later…

Do you really need anymore closure than that !??

Im sorry for you, i really am, but to ask for explaination at this points is laying down on the ground asking for her to step on you.

She didnt respect you enough to give you that much of closure so close the door yourself to this, block her from facebook even, and delete her numbr, emails, evetything…have a good cry, and look forward to tomorrow

Its an awful thing to start doing, trust me i know it is easier said than done, but you have to keep your integrity and self respect here and be the better man. All she will get in acting like this is bad karma trust me on this….im ashamed to say this but i have been on both side of this situation and the ex begging me for an explaination and all only made me feel pitty for him and nothing else, i had no guts what soever to be a good person and tell him, i didnt want any confrontation period, i just wanted to avoid any talk and forget about it all as awful as it sounds.

Now of course, that was before i grow up and become the awesome chick that i am now ;-)
And like i said, karma comes back andtrust me it did BIG TIME.

SO right now, do what you should do, concentrate on you and your well being. Somewhere someday you will meet the right girl who will treat you like the awesome guy that you are (assuming of course that you are that great ;-)

I hope I did a good job cheering you up a little, its a dark time and painful, but youcan write it all down here to feel better whenever you need it.

Best of luck !

cinderella2010

OP I am very very sorry to hear read this..

I have some questions -

Firstly what age are you both

I am asking because if I was going out with a guy for that length of time and we weren't living together and he hadn't pulled the ring out I would get pretty fed up

Had you two discussed your future together and what way you both wanted it

Princess Peach

I got dumped out of the blue a few months ago too.

My advice is for your sake of mind contact her and just find out why. It still hounds me to this day why my boyfriend broke up with me, but its way too long after for me to contact him. But because I don't know for a long time I held onto hope that we would get back together, thinking the reason wasn't me if you get me?

I know people are saying to hold your head high and don't call her, which is what my friends told me, but I regret not having a conversation to get some kind of closure. its hard for me to move on and forget about him not knowing why he doesn't want to be with me.

LegacyUser

No no no - do not contact her. You know all you need to know. Closure is overrated and in all truth why would you give her the satisfaction. Trust me, you will let her attention a lot quicker if you ignore her...

katie99

If she hadn't the decency to tell you personally why she wanted to break up with you then she really isn't worth making any further contact with.

I would ignore her and as has been suggested delete all contact details for her.

She has acted very rudely, cowardly and immaturely.

Would you really want to spend the rest of your life with such a person?
By contacting her you are merely prolonging the inevitable and boosting her own ego.

You already tried contacting her and she didn't return your calls. So leave it.

I would ask you the following:

How close were you two?
Were there any breaks in the relationship?
Did you talk about moving in together and getting married?

As for her ex! Well she and him split for a reason. It doesn't say much for him in terms of respect for you. Would he like it if some other guy came along and stole his gf?

Look at it this way. It is her loss. And this just wasn't meant to be.

Blow her off.

Sound Bite

OP, you had a lucky escape, she sounds like a really nasty person.

If I were you I wouldnt even give her the satisfaction of letting know you're devastated. I wouldnt bother ringing her, calling her ot any other contact. Nothing can be achieved by any contact & she doesnt deserved your time or attention.

It doesnt matter why she dumped you (although it does look like the Ex is the main factor), the fact is she did. The manner in which she did it is so disrespectful.

If its of any consolidation, I find if you have a reason to be mad with the person who dumped you its alot easier to get over them.

You deserve someone alot better.

LegacyUser

Hi,Op here. To answer a few of your questions. Okay I am 23, she is 22, the general plan was to head off traveling together in November. I know we are young, but this is still hell. I dont know what to do, think i will try see a counselor. The phone is still off. I am stupidly looking at her facebook page, she is saying that she needs a good night out. This doesnt seem to bother her at all. I dont know how or why she could do this to me. My family are in shock, she was the apple of all our eyes. and i think its too late for no contact cause she has about twenty texts waiting for her from me when the phone gets turned on.

thefeatheredcat

*BIG HUG*

Very cowardly done and totally uncalled for.

If she's fool enough to go back to an ex who clearly didn't want you two to be together from the start then you are better off without her. She's deleted you already from her life and I suggest you do the same.... in a few days she'll realise she's made a mistake (in going back to the ex and ending things with you in such an awful manner) and come looking for you so don't be there for her, no matter how you or she feels unless she's prepared to be an adult in her behaviour and actually communicate with you as two civilised human beings and talk things through.

Her actions are very immature and childish to the point I can see this girl is going to be a headwreck from here on.

Let all your emotions out, cry by all means, but get it out of you. Then play some really upbeat happy music and start to heal yourself and look to your friends and family (or boardsies) for comfort and make plans to do some nice things for yourself.

You deserve a lot better than her and I know for a fact that there are women out there who would treat you with so much more respect and care than she has.

EDIT:
In light of your update OP, don't worry about the texts and don't worry about her. If she responds immaturely to them or stonewalls you or has it out on FB, ignore and avoid further contact. She's probably looking for attention and an ego/self esteem boost, pay no heed to that...she's just likely to go off, get very, very drunk, make a few bad judgements and an ass of herself and regret it all and then come crying to you wanting you back and forgiveness. There's a life lesson in this for both of you.

I've met many guys down the years who have been screwed over like this by nasty girls, guys who were really lovely but so messed up by what the girl did that they were forever changed and cynical from then onwards and wouldn't give a decent girl a chance. From that I missed out on potential relationships with lovely guys who just could never trust again and have seen some fall the way of drug and alcohol addiction, dropping out of college, because they were so hurt and then treat others in the same way. Don't let the same thing happen to you, it's not worth it. I ask you to get the help you need, look to your family for support, heal yourself and forget about this girl. Don't give her the time of day. Rest assured that there are far better and nicer girls out there who will genuinely respect you and themselves and treat you well, especially those who are that bit more mature emotionally.

LegacyUser

OP here. I have not slept a wink. Thanks for your comments, but to honest I have no idea how I can just forget about her. She was my life! This is horrible, the pain, the paranoia, the sick feeling in my stomach and the uncontrollable crying. Was I really that blind that I couldnt see what she really was, it just doesnt add up, seriously this girl was so nice, perfect in my eyes. Sorry for writing random thoughts, I just need help i think.

iceman777

Can you not call over to where she lives and have a conversation with her? It might shock her, but it will mean you can get closure.

You deserve to know the truth, no matter how hard it is to hear it.

LegacyUser

dumped wrote: »

OP here. I have not slept a wink. Thanks for your comments, but to honest I have no idea how I can just forget about her. She was my life! This is horrible, the pain, the paranoia, the sick feeling in my stomach and the uncontrollable crying. Was I really that blind that I couldnt see what she really was, it just doesnt add up, seriously this girl was so nice, perfect in my eyes. Sorry for writing random thoughts, I just need help i think.

In this particular case, unless you call to her house and demand she speak to you and give you an explanation, you won't be able to get past this and move on.

Don't allow her to walk away from this so easily. Find her, make her talk.

You must've been very blind to her ways.

sbsquarepants

Easier said than done, but forget her! F'uck her explaination, even if you can force one out of her. She sounds like a total bitch tbh, stalking her on facebook etc is only going to make you feel worse, she's made her decision and you're going to have to live with it i'm afraid. Best of luck.

DamoKen

34534534 wrote: »

In this particular case, unless you call to her house and demand she speak to you and give you an explanation, you won't be able to get past this and move on.

Don't allow her to walk away from this so easily. Find her, make her talk.

You must've been very blind to her ways.

I disagree with the part in bold. Yes it hurts like hell, and yes at the moment it's very hard to imagine a future without her. But you WILL get past this, and you WILL move on.

Closure is highly overrated. What more closure do you need? She's treated you in an abominable fashion, deleted you publically out of her life in the most cowardly and childish way. OP do you really need to exchange more words with this person?

Something very very similar happened to me at your age, the sense of betrayal and shock were unbelievable and I honestly thought I would never get over it.

But I did and in hindsight I was so very glad she ended it like she did. She unwittingly did me the biggest favour anyone has ever done me by showing her true colours and what a truly nasty person she was.

OP I know at the moment you can't see this but I think she has done you a big favour though of course that was not the intention on her part.

15 years on and to this day I have not spoken a word to her from the day I found out why she really ended things without explanation. Best decision I ever made although the temptation to ring, call in, "accidentally" bump into her was incredibly strong at times.

By acting as I did, by showing a lot more maturity and control than I had thought I possessed at the time I gave her no ammunition, no fuel for the drama, nothing to come back at me with. Wasn't doing it to hurt her or provoke a reaction, quite the opposite in fact. As far as I was concerned she had ceased to exist in my life.

I moved on, got on with my life and discovered what it was to be truly happy with someone, what a balanced relationship was, met some great girls over the years and realised that breaking up with her wasn't the end of my life, but it was a turning point for the better

Just to add, re-read thefeatheredcat's post. Some very good advice especially the last part.

take care of yourself

Major Lovechild

You have been treated shabbily by a person who cares for no-one but herself.
If I were you I would tell the whole world about this on Facebook explaining how selfish and cowardly she is for dumping you by text for an ex boyfriend.

Do not go gentle into that good night. It will not take the pain away but it will make her think. She will of course be looking at your Facebook.

Dowdy20

Same thing happened to me few months back.

went through the same thing asking why why why. i made contact but got no answers and to be honest it just put me back to square one. undid all the progress i made.

best thing to do here is in my opinion IS to make contact to get closure you need. but only do it once!

if you get the reason thats great you can move on if you don't well then shes not worth the effort of pursuing it. But you can still move on from that too!

If she can't be bothered to be civil and end it with respect then shes not worth having in your life.

i was the very same as you. But i moved on and got over it.

and thats something i thought would never happen.

HavingCrack

This American 'closure' idea is ridiculous. A cowardly girl dumped you by text, refused to turn her phone on and deleted you on facebook. She clearly hasn't the maturity to behave like an adult and end the relationship in a grown up way. You don't need an explanation from a self-centred, cowardly person like this. If you do get one it won't be one you like and you'll probably feel worse.

PS, stalking her facebook page is a seriously bad idea.

Princess Peach

Major Lovechild wrote: »

You have been treated shabbily by a person who cares for no-one but herself.
If I were you I would tell the whole world about this on Facebook explaining how selfish and cowardly she is for dumping you by text for an ex boyfriend.

Do not go gentle into that good night. It will not take the pain away but it will make her think. She will of course be looking at your Facebook.

This is the worst advice I have ever heard!

Just from my experience I know I would have liked some closure with my ex, that I never got. Not for everyone but to this day I'd still like to have that talk with him

Major Lovechild

Really? The worst advice? Oh wait! She's probably switching her phone back on right now to organise a meeting. I somehow don't think so.

Just because she is cold-hearted it does not mean that she is not curious.
If she hasn't had the spine to give proper closure up until now then she needs to prompted.

Princess Peach

Major Lovechild wrote: »

Really? The worst advice? Oh wait! She's probably switching her phone back on right now to organise a meeting. I somehow don't think so.

Just because she is cold-hearted it does not mean that she is not curious.
If she hasn't had the spine to give proper closure up until now then she needs to prompted.

Starting a big public fued online is not going to help anyone and this guy will just end up looking like a desperate, pathetic jerk!

Major Lovechild

Princess Peach wrote: »

Starting a big public fued online is not going to help anyone and this guy will just end up looking like a desperate, pathetic jerk!

No-one needs to start a feud. He has explained that he has tried making contact but to no avail. She has made her changes to Facebook without a second thought to him. She obviously believes he is a pushover. If he wants closure then he will have to call her to action.

fungun

Nothing she can say or do will change this shabby treatment of you, which is what you need to remember. Closure is garbage - you'll get over it. If her ex is suddenly back on the scene and she suddenly breaks up with you then join the dots....do you really need her to tell you herself?

If it was me, Id go out and have a great night and put the pics of you having fun with your mates and a flirty laugh with some other girls up on fb. Nothing to "get at" her but something to make the point that you arent moping, that you are able to have fun without her too. Put doubt in her mind that she did the right thing. Will work even better if you can tag a fb friend of hers in a pic.
Then move along and any time you feel bad about her remember how she treated you in the end....so she wasnt the princess you thought she was.

LegacyUser

All this Facebook BS kills me. How did relationships successfully progress before it came into existence?!

I imagine a lot of relationships out there were a lot more successful pre-facebook!

OP, stay away from facebook, don't look at hers, don't put pics up on yours, don't make status updates about your emotional state.

Closure is a load of rubbish. Forget it. It would be healthy for you to shout and scream at her, to prevent her from walking away so smoothly but it doesn't look like that's going to happen so best just focus on your family, friends and hobbies for a while.

You will get over this!

Major Lovechild

Well said Fungun. Sound Advice.

LegacyUser

OP here. Okay I am staying away from facebook. The phone has been turned on, the general texts I recieved back are: To stop 'pestering' her, to stop making this more difficult than it is, to get over it. She says she is not leaving me for her ex, that she felt guilty about the way she just blanked him out of her life when we began dating, that the ex has a girlfriend and a baby, that she wants to see his baby, and she is suddenly getting a tattoo and guess what the ex is a tattoo artist! and that its none of my business to be asking her these type of questions. But I still do not know why she has broken up with me like this.
I am sorry for being all over the place and random, I think I could be having a breakdown over this. I cannot come to grasp that this girl was so wonderful, yet now she is a really bad person. cant believe it

LegacyUser

dumped wrote: »

I am sorry for being all over the place and random, I think I could be having a breakdown over this. I cannot come to grasp that this girl was so wonderful, yet now she is a really bad person. cant believe it

What you need at the moment is emotional support. Rally good friends/family who you can talk to and be yourself with. It's supposed to be harder for men to cry due to social pressure, but I'd recommend it highly! You've had a serious kick to the stomach, and the only way to start healing is to let all your grief out in the safe haven of family and friends.

Ring your friends/family now. They wouldn't want you to be going through this by yourself

Dowdy20

dumped wrote: »

OP here. Okay I am staying away from facebook. The phone has been turned on, the general texts I recieved back are: To stop 'pestering' her, to stop making this more difficult than it is, to get over it. She says she is not leaving me for her ex, that she felt guilty about the way she just blanked him out of her life when we began dating, that the ex has a girlfriend and a baby, that she wants to see his baby, and she is suddenly getting a tattoo and guess what the ex is a tattoo artist! and that its none of my business to be asking her these type of questions. But I still do not know why she has broken up with me like this.
I am sorry for being all over the place and random, I think I could be having a breakdown over this. I cannot come to grasp that this girl was so wonderful, yet now she is a really bad person. cant believe it

OP do yourself a favor and cut contact now. trust me its what needs to happen. any further contact with replies like that will not help one bit.

She has made her decision and sounds like she doesn't care one bit. sounds harsh but thats what it looks like. More concerned about her ex you has a girlfriend and a tattoo!? ridiculous answers.

you will hurt for a while over this but contact needs to be cut. i went through the same and now i'm the other side i'm sorry i didn't cut contact sooner. Focus on yourself now for a while get back to the things you enjoy. i know its very early days yet give yourself time.

Bluefox21

So she feels guilty about the way she blanked him out of her life but is now doing the exact same thing to you!

By the sound of things you're pretty lucky she's left you!

Moomoo1

Major Lovechild wrote: »

If I were you I would tell the whole world about this on Facebook explaining how selfish and cowardly she is for dumping you by text for an ex boyfriend.

Bitchy. But I like it. Would be very tempting in the OP's shoes to do just that.

Moomoo1

dumped wrote: »

To stop 'pestering' her, to stop making this more difficult than it is, to get over it.

Wow. I'd just write a FB entry detailing what happened and including all the texts just out of sheer shock at her arrogance. Yeah, it's childish and immature, but then sometimes knowing that someone screwed you and got away scot free can gnaw you for years.

And then block FB from your computer. It's the root of all evil. Well, most of it anyway.

Taltos

OP - you are bringing me back here - only real difference is there was no FB back then and the "ex" was a newly married man...

Stop all contact.
Delete her from everything, burn / destroy any little gifts you have - use it as a way to vent your anger etc.
Be honest with your friends, don't bitch so much as just be honest.
You've no idea of what happened, dumped via text, she is back in touch with her tattoo giving ex who is married but manages to send pervy messages - just peachy....
Being overly bitchy may just drive your friends away when you need them most.

If you bump into her and the ex with his baby - don't even acknowledge them. Trust me that will not last either. Just imagine all the fun she will be having when her family find out she will have broken up a family... Cause that is what is coming next, fast forward 5 yrs - stuck with 2 squalling kids - and the ex gone again...

What goes around comes around.

In the meantime do as the others suggested.
Let it all out and try to get out with your friends - socialize - as much as you want to hide right now - that will only leave you with your thoughts/memories - get out there and talk about this and just try to let your mates get your mind off things...

p.s. Don't let this destroy your trust in all women. Took me along time to trust again - try to let go of the anger when it starts.

Sanjuro

I know this will probably result in an infraction, and I don't often use this word, but OP, this girl is a total <snip>. There is no justification for her behaviour, so it just seems that she's a horrible, horrible person. She's a coward for not being able to break up with you face to face. She's incredibly disrespectful for the same reason. She's tried to shift blame on to you by telling you to stop pestering her. Basically, what she's done is pretting unforgivable.

Please don't blame yourself, because you're not at fault from what we can see. In time, hopefully she'll cop on to herself and realise what a total bitch she was. But by that time you'll have moved on. Trust me, take it from someone who's been where you are right now. In time, this will be a very valuable experience for you. It hurts like hell now, I know. But with each passing day it'll hurt a tiny bit less. And one morning, you'll wake up and you'll feel incredibly liberated. You're going to appreciate having gone through this when you see how much you learned about yourself from it.

Wagon

dumped wrote: »

OP here. Okay I am staying away from facebook. The phone has been turned on, the general texts I recieved back are: To stop 'pestering' her, to stop making this more difficult than it is, to get over it.

Ouch. Completely uncalled for. You don't dump someout of the blue and then tell them to "get over it" when they demand an explaination.

She says she is not leaving me for her ex,

Me hole.

that she felt guilty about the way she just blanked him out of her life when we began dating,

Jesus shes not exactly the sharpest knife in the box is she?

that the ex has a girlfriend and a baby, that she wants to see his baby, and she is suddenly getting a tattoo and guess what the ex is a tattoo artist!

She probably wants to get more than a tattoo off him and because you aren't blind and deaf, you could work this out for yourself. I doubt she'd care if he has a girlfriend. Doesn't seem like the kind of person who would.

and that its none of my business to be asking her these type of questions.

Because she knows you snared her for the real reason...

But I still do not know why she has broken up with me like this.

...and doesn't want to come clean because she's afraid of looking like the bad guy. Ironic i know.

I am sorry for being all over the place and random, I think I could be having a breakdown over this. I cannot come to grasp that this girl was so wonderful, yet now she is a really bad person. cant believe it

To be honesnt, I'd be climing up the walls myself wondering what happened to her. Doubt it was overnight though, the bítch just kept it well hidden until she wasn't bothered anymore.

You know the reason she broke up with you i.e. her ex. She didn't say it and i wouldn't expect her to have enough of a conscience to tell you. I hate women like that. They deserve about as much respect as your average child porn collector.

No point chasing her for a reason. Delete the facebook account and her number. Anything else hat reminds you of her, get rid of that too. Then wait. That feeling of absolute misery will leave you eventually.

Then you'll hate her for a while. Never mind those hippes who go and say "hate is such a wasteful emotion, don't do it". That's just star gazing bollocks. Hate her all you want. It will subside eventually. Get it out of your system.

Then after that, you'll feel nothing when you think about her. That's when you can crack open a beer knowing you've gone through one of the shíttiest things that you'll ever have to go through.

LegacyUser

OP here. Thanks for all your advice. I hear it, but its not going into my brain. Looks like there wont be much sleeping again tonight, appetite is gone too, I look terrible. Ill let you know of any updates or progress, dont know who I can talk to, friends dont know what to say to me, parents very concerned for me. thanks anyway

LegacyUser

I am actually shocked by the cruelty of this and think you have had a lucky escape...

OP, remember - she is only a girl. Only another human being. She is not special, in fact she is everything that is the opposite of special. You are in shock and thats understandable but you have had a lucky escape... TBH, she is just another cheating, cowardly liar and there are plenty of her clones around... Now do you think she is worth crying over?

Princess Peach

Its toatall normal to feel like this! I didn't eat for 4 days when my boyfriend broke up with me, then didnt have much of an appetite for like a month after.

Try to do things you enjoy, films or video games or whatever, just to keep yourself busy. But it will get better, just give yourself some time

tommylimerick

you ll be fine OP at least you didn t marry her and buy her a house

Taltos

Try to do as much as you can to stay busy.
Try not to sit in though on your own - running over and over the last few weeks hunting that sign that things were changing - really headwrecking.

Eventually you will sleep when your body can't take more - and it will get easier as time goes on - though slowly.
Worst case if you are close to cracking goto your doc for a prescription for some mild sedatives or better yet get a tonic.

Try to get out for some walks or runs during the day. Burn off that energy your body is building up from the adrenaline. Right now subconsciously it probably thinks you are being attacked and so is pumping you full of adrenaline - burn it off...

Stay away from booze, and only go to the doc for the meds if you are really desperate.

I was lucky at the time, a great friend of mine used to drag me out every day for a walk with his dog. He didn't say much about what was going on, would listen to me rant and would just try to steer the conversation back to normal life.

In terms of your folks - I know you don't want to tell them - but let them know what you can and ask them to respect your privacy. When you are able to tell them you will. My folks were secretly thrilled for me - turned out my whole family disliked my ex but I never saw it.

So remember - make a plan for tomorrow. Get out for a long long walk. Even just go somewhere remote and scream your heart out. As bad as this is in a while you will really look back and be glad you escaped that b1tch.
You might not ever release the hate for the person - it might just change to contempt, and hopefully eventual indifference. Just keep a reign on the anger - I did get very angry for a while and lashed out at the wrong people, try to avoid that - but burn off that anger with other methods.

Just take each day as it comes. Have a plan for every single day - I will meet X tomorrow, I will go for a 10mile walk / run / jog tomorrow. Something - and try to avoid things you used to go to together for a while until you get to a state where you are more relaxed.

If you can't sleep right now, just try to focus on your breathing. Suck in a deep breath through your nose, feel your belly push out - hold it for a few secs - blow out - nice and slow - hold it and repeat. Keep this up for 5 or ten minutes - and just try to focus on your breathing - if you must just count them but try to just breath. It will slow your mind, your pulse and hopefully relax you a bit.
(also useful for stitches when running (well jogging in my case - slowly)).

All the best
Fluffy Hippy