Women's attitude to men and vice versa

Mr Benevolent

My girlfriend and I have a theory. last night. She says that in return for being able to fondle boobs, men have to put up with girlfriends being as stroppy as they like, constantly changing their mind and the general emotional rollercoaster of being a girl. Women on the other hand have to put up with their boyfriends pawing them and general ogling.

My question is simply, who gets the best deal in the relationship, boyfriend or girlfriend?

Just to add, this thread is not supposed to be too serious really, it's not PI after all!

Ickle Magoo

I wouldn't be in a relationship that was a trade off between moaning he didn't want to hear and groping I didn't want - sounds absolutely horrendous.

I think in a healthy, balanced relationship both get a good deal - the trick is finding someone to have that kind of relationship with and being able to discuss any and all issues to ensure it stays that way.

jokettle

I get hair rubs in exchange for giving foot rubs. I bitch and moan about my life and then I listen to him bitch and moan about his It works out well!

Regards the boob fondling thing....well, he buys me chocolate, so I think I win

TitoPuente

My GF and I are emotionally healthy, mature people so we don't really whinge or moan to the point where we annoy each other. We enjoy fondling each other as well, so it all works out well.

I couldn't go out with or respect a women who was regularly whingey or stroppy (see immature and emotionally abusive).

honru

My question is simply, who gets the best deal in the relationship, boyfriend or girlfriend?

Depends on the relationship. Ideally the best deal is a mutual union, not a win/lose dichotomy.

There's this perception that men are only after "one thing" in a relationship. But most men love being with an affectionate woman for which they feel attraction for. To be with an affectionate woman is healing, it's a release from the stereotypically closed-off masculine front which a man may put forward in his work or with his male friends.

The Agogo

f®eak s©enery wrote: »

Depends on the relationship. Ideally the best deal is a mutual union, not a win/lose dichotomy.

There's this perception that men are only after "one thing" in a relationship. But most men love being with an affectionate woman for which they feel attraction for. To be with an affectionate woman is healing, it's a release from the stereotypically closed-off masculine front which a man may put forward in his work or with his male friends.

+1

Although let's remember that the OP isn't being serious, I get where he's coming from. It can seem like that at times.

But for the most part I enjoy the company of my OH

squeakyduck

I bitch, he listens, he gives me chocolate and I give him neck and back massages. I can stay at his house before I have work on a Sunday so I can get a lie in with him, and I return the favor when he has college during the week!

We're happy, hardly ever fight, just agree to disagree.

It's all good, if it's not, the cuddles are still amazing!

Lux23

I quite like being fondled so I don't see any trade off, if I was in a realtionship that is.

Logical Fallacy

Confab wrote: »

My girlfriend and I have a theory. last night. She says that in return for being able to fondle boobs, men have to put up with girlfriends being as stroppy as they like, constantly changing their mind and the general emotional rollercoaster of being a girl. Women on the other hand have to put up with their boyfriends pawing them and general ogling.

My question is simply, who gets the best deal in the relationship, boyfriend or girlfriend?

Just to add, this thread is not supposed to be too serious really, it's not PI after all!

Sounds like hell to me mate. Putting up with bull**** for boobs? Sounds like a 3rd year in secondary school scenario.

LittleBook

Confab wrote: »

in return for being able to fondle boobs, men have to put up with girlfriends being as stroppy as they like, constantly changing their mind and the general emotional rollercoaster of being a girl. Women on the other hand have to put up with their boyfriends pawing them and general ogling.

Confab wrote: »

My question is simply, who gets the best deal in the relationship, boyfriend or girlfriend?

Well, in THAT relationship, non-one gets the best deal! Seriously, where does this idea (not specific to you OP) come from that girls "put up" with their partners touching them as a favour or exchange of some sort ... or that if they're whingey, stroppy and emotionally unbalanced a guy should put up with it for the sake of a shag?!

Wibbs

A lot of men go through stages of recognition of women's sexuality as they go through life. The first is "Will she let me feel her up" followed by "I don't believe shes letting me feel her up!:eek:" to "Oh she likes this as much as me".

OK thats being jokey, but there is an element to that. If a man gets stuck in the first two, especially a man who also believes the fallacy that women are hard to attract and he's "lucky" to have a girlfriend, then he's more likely to believe in that sex in exchange for emotional grief stuff. Some women buy into it too, especially those who haven't fully come to terms with the own sexuality or some who get used to using it to get what they want.

So I do know and have known a fair few men who do put up with emotional guff for that reason. And I know women who play that up. They're types often attracted to each other too, so they enable the notion further.

theg81der

If you know your GF is not enjoying yer "fondling" why don`t you either a) start improving so she enjoys it b) STOP doing it!

Maguined

I think that is a common attitude for young immature people, when they start to mature they will realise such a trade off does not make them happy in the long run so they will start to look for someone they like to be around most of the time instead of putting up with crap they don't like in exchange for things they do like.

LittleBook

Wibbs wrote: »

A lot of men go through stages of recognition of women's sexuality as they go through life. The first is "Will she let me feel her up" followed by "I don't believe shes letting me feel her up!:eek:" to "Oh she likes this as much as me".

OK thats being jokey, but there is an element to that. If a man gets stuck in the first two, especially a man who also believes the fallacy that women are hard to attract and he's "lucky" to have a girlfriend, then he's more likely to believe in that sex in exchange for emotional grief stuff. Some women buy into it too, especially those who haven't fully come to terms with the own sexuality or some who get used to using it to get what they want.

So I do know and have known a fair few men who do put up with emotional guff for that reason. And I know women who play that up. They're types often attracted to each other too, so they enable the notion further.

That all makes perfect sense Wibbs! I just get the uncomfortable impression that it's accepted as normal by too many people so the (to my tiny mind) real normals get tarred with the same brush.

There's such a huge difference between compatible compromise and this kind of servicing of a relationship.

I do notice on PI and RI that there are a lot of "is it me or do you think this is unreasonable?" questions ... which is good. They don't always like what they hear but at least asking means they're thinking outside the box.

Feeona

LittleBook wrote: »

They don't always like what they hear but at least asking means they're thinking outside the box.

Do men ever think outside the box? (laughs dirtily)

I agree with Wibbs. Both men and women take time to figure out what they want in a relationship-when you're younger, it's all a novelty and it's all good. When you get older, feeling up your other half is a given , and you start to look at the rest of the relationship to make sure you're compatible (if you're lucky enough to realise what's important)

Mr Benevolent

Logical Fallacy wrote: »

Sounds like hell to me mate. Putting up with bull**** for boobs? Sounds like a 3rd year in secondary school scenario.

Yup, thank feck it's not like that for us. My gf thinks she's much more annoying then she actually is, and the same with me.

rantyface

Confab wrote: »

in return for being able to fondle boobs, men have to put up with girlfriends being as stroppy as they like, constantly changing their mind and the general emotional rollercoaster of being a girl. Women on the other hand have to put up with their boyfriends pawing them and general ogling.

Teenagers definitely act like that but it's all fun and part of growing up.

Do your parents still behave like that? They're probably the only example of an adult relationship you'll ever see from the inside apart from your own.

johnr1

OP, not having a go, but if your gf doesent like being groped/fondled, where are you getting your half of the deal ?, I accept that people differ, but to me the idea of fondling/groping a woman who didnt enjoy it (at least in my head) would make my skin crawl.
Not to be too much of a bollox about it, but that kind of arrangement seems a bit pre teen to me.
On another point raised in a different post, I have had a girlfriend who felt she could trade sex for forgiveness of something which she had done to cause annoyance/hurt, and any time it happened I felt played and cheap.
I would have preferred "sorry", maybe then some great makeup sex

shellyboo

Confab wrote: »

My girlfriend and I have a theory. last night. She says that in return for being able to fondle boobs, men have to put up with girlfriends being as stroppy as they like, constantly changing their mind and the general emotional rollercoaster of being a girl. Women on the other hand have to put up with their boyfriends pawing them and general ogling.

My question is simply, who gets the best deal in the relationship, boyfriend or girlfriend?

Just to add, this thread is not supposed to be too serious really, it's not PI after all!

Leaving aside the horrific gender stereotyping going on here and the fact that that sounds like the relationship from hell -- I believe that a healthy relationship is made up of two people who *both* feel like they're getting 'the best deal'. Not on the levels you're talking about, though.

Dinkie

We call it 'gratuitous groping'

Frequently one of us will dive is for a quick feel of an ass, or touch the other persons stomach. I think my partners body is divine, and vice versa. Our 'gratuitous gropes' is because we can't keep our hands off each other. I love it.

As far a bitching and moaning, we discuss our day - highs and lows. Sometimes there is bitching involved, but not much.

Faith

I can guarantee you, I'd be a hell of a lot more stroppy if my partner didn't grope me!

I only saw my ex at weekends, and he'd arrive up to my house on a Friday evening. Within about 10 minutes, he'd have his hand in my top. It made me smile every time because he'd always do it with a really innocent expression on his face. I'd really really hate to be in a relationship where groping was some kind of power play trade-off.

As others have said, I would like to be in the kind of relationship where we each thought we got the best deal.

Catari Jaguar

Some girls have Princess Syndrome and strive to live a WAG lifestyle. Some men are beer swilling, football watching, ZOO readers that seek trophy girlfriends. There's generally a magnetic attraction between these groups and they deserve each other.

Some couples are just best friends that genuienly have a laugh, have lots in common, both fancy each other and enjoy each others company.

Some couple play no games and have no trade offs. Some do things because they love their partner, enjoy making them happy and have no ulterior motive.

Some people are just spas.

Shocking I know.

rantyface

cherub rock wrote: »

Some girls have Princess Syndrome and strive to live a WAG lifestyle. Some men are beer swilling, football watching, ZOO readers that seek trophy girlfriends. There's generally a magnetic attraction between these groups and they deserve each other.

HAHA! Luckily they are a minority and most of them do grow out of it.

It's sad when you hit your mid twenties, start mixing with middle aged people, and find out that some people actually never out grow what you thought were "teenager traits" like what this thread describes, along with a few other things.

Wibbs

True. For too many they just get better at covering it up.

Permabear

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Mr Benevolent

donegalfella wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

Have you considered a sense of humour transplant?

Wibbs

OK folks let dial back the sniping please.

starlit

Every relationship is different. Depends on the individual aswell. For example if I am seeing someone PDAs in private is fine but have reservations about it in public. If I just met someone in a pub or club and had a fling with them on the dancefloor I wouldn't mind a little bit of PDA and a smooch but thats it any groping below the waist or fondling of anything bar the odd grope of the bum I'd give the guy in question a little slap, its just an immediate reaction and a reflex I'd have when kissing a complete stranger than when I'd kiss someone I'd know and be seeing, I'd agree to a little bit of fondling if seeing someone but only on my terms. I only agree with something I feel comfortable with.

Giselle

I hope to find someone who does more than 'put up with' in exchange for a squeeze.

Sounds a bit nothing really.