Do women find shyness in men a turn off?

trente

I'm a nice guy but I'm also shy. Not a great combination when it comes to meeting women. I find when I'm talking to women (especially women who I am attracted to) my shyness comes through. I'm not talking about extreme shyness but a sort of shyness that limits my conversation and may make me portray a meek 'too nice' body langauge.

So are women turned off by this?

bronte

Shyness can be very endearing.
I'd much prefer a shy type over a loud look-at-me type bloke any day.

liah

If a woman finds it a turnoff, it's generally got to do with the fact that shy guys are typically less confident or have self-esteem issues, and confidence is incredibly attractive. I'd nearly go so far as to say that confidence (not arrogance or cockiness, for the record, because that's a bigger turnoff than being shy!) is one of the most important qualities in prospective partners.

I like shy guys, they can be very endearing as another poster said and often very sweet, but I get really sick of them quite quickly as they're just such goddamn hard work to get anywhere with. I mean, yeah, it's probably worth it at the end, but if that's the case, why be shy at all?

Faith

liah wrote: »

If a woman finds it a turnoff, it's generally got to do with the fact that shy guys are typically less confident or have self-esteem issues, and confidence is incredibly attractive. I'd nearly go so far as to say that confidence (not arrogance or cockiness, for the record, because that's a bigger turnoff than being shy!) is one of the most important qualities in prospective partners.

I like shy guys, they can be very endearing as another poster said and often very sweet, but I get really sick of them quite quickly as they're just such goddamn hard work to get anywhere with. I mean, yeah, it's probably worth it at the end, but if that's the case, why be shy at all?

Couldn't agree more. I'm a little shy myself in that I wouldn't be the first to approach a guy, for example, but once I start talking, conversation keeps flowing. If a guy is shy to the point that it's difficult to make conversation with him, I get bored very quickly.

krudler

I'd be a bit on the quiet side to meet new people but if i'm comfortable I can yak away for ages, as long as its a good topic of conversation, its about balance really, nothing wrong with being shy and reserved rathr than arrogant, but then theres just being shy to the point of trying to talk to someone is awkward.

angelxx

I quite like shy guys, I think if a guy is shy and he approaches her it means he really likes her as opposed to an overly confident guy who approaches everyone. There is something really sweet and endearing about shy guys.

Nervous Wreck

I think the key, as with most things, is balance. As liah said, confidence is attractive but going too far down that route leads to cocky arrogance, which is terrible annoying. Shyness can be endearing but at some point it gives way to downright underconfidence. For me, I'm quite a shy guy but in social situations (or whenever it's called for really), I motivate myself to ignore that and come out of my shell. Though I understand that shyness can be endearing, it can also be crippling and in my job and in my social life, I can't abide crippling myself by lacking in confidence. Shyness does give one a certain level of humility though and will generally keep you from going near arrogance-ville. It's something to keep in mind but you have to know when to break free from it.

stupidusername

I don't mind shyness in a guy to begin with, but I'd expect after a short time for him to come out of his shell a bit and be himself, if he didn't I would lose interest fairly rapidly.

I find also that the way I am with someone very much varies based on how they are with me, as in if they're really comfortable I'll tend to be the same at the same rate. hmmm, not too sure if it's very clear what I mean.

Sometimes it's just nice and easier if he is confident and not so worried about things, its like a relief, ya know?

Wibbs

trente, threads started where men ask for women's opinions are not really the remit of this forum. Indeed its in the charter.

But I can if you like move this thread to the personal/relationship issues forum if you feel it an issue for you as it would be better there? Thanks.