Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

Why do people treat their children like adults?

Options
2»

Comments

  • Options
    #32
    jimmycrackcorm
    Registered Users Posts: 14,329 ✭✭✭✭jimmycrackcorm


    kylith wrote: »
    I
    I work booking kids into classes and every day I'm left gaping in disbelief as yummy-mummies ask their 4 year olds "Would you like to do the class on Monday or Tuesday?" What the hell? It's a toddler, it doesn't know what a Monday is! And all the time the kid is just repeating 'No, no no', and they have to have a specific teacher teaching or the child 'won't go'.

    Now I understand why my wife keeps asking about our child: "Are you the adult or is he". Fecks sake - I don't care whether he wants nuggets or a burger in his McDonalds happy meal.


  • Options
    #33
    starbelgrade
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,739 ✭✭✭✭starbelgrade


    My wife often treats me like a child. In fairness though, it's often the only way she can get me to finish my greens.


  • Options
    #34
    Ectoplasm
    Registered Users Posts: 4,468 ✭✭✭Ectoplasm


    kiwi123 wrote: »
    Also i think giving a child choice in relation to thing like food / what they're wearing / what they want to do for the day ends up with a child being spoiled.

    I don't think giving a child a choice makes them spoiled - I actually think it can teach them something about decisions and consequences. By saying "You can have a OR b, but not both" it encourages them to think and teaches them that they can't have everything.

    With them deciding what they want to do for the day - well that could be a case of them ruling the roost, which is ridiculous - but again, if you offer them the choice between X and Y, where is the problem in that?


  • Options
    #35
    AnonoBoy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,559 ✭✭✭✭AnonoBoy


    People get really annoyed at kids calling their parents by their first names.

    It's the opposite for me.

    When I was a kid I demanded my parents call me Mr. AnonoBoy not Ignatius.


  • Options
    #36
    cynder
    Registered Users Posts: 4,128 ✭✭✭cynder


    AnonoBoy wrote: »
    People get really annoyed at kids calling their parents by their first names.

    It's the opposite for me.

    When I was a kid I demanded my parents call me Mr. AnonoBoy not Ignatius.


    I have to give my 3 year old choices to make him talk otherwise he would remain silent.

    My 5 year old wants to be called tutumkarman.. sure i spelt taht wrong but i have to collect my daughter from school....


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #37
    pickarooney
    Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 35,093 Mod ✭✭✭✭pickarooney


    storm2811 wrote: »
    Yeah my mum did the same to me and brothers,like if were going to eat something nasty she wouldn't say "No,no,that's yacky,yacky!" she'd say "Don't eat that you'll get sick!"

    Mine would just say "that contains vegetables".
    My 5 year old wants to be called tutumkarman.. sure i spelt taht wrong but i have to collect my daughter from school....

    Just sit in the car outside with the engine running, honk the horn and call her. The 'toot and come on' technique.

    Sorry, at one stage that was going to be a joke.


  • Options
    #38
    kylith
    Registered Users Posts: 17,736 ✭✭✭✭kylith


    EMF2010 wrote: »
    I don't think giving a child a choice makes them spoiled - I actually think it can teach them something about decisions and consequences. By saying "You can have a OR b, but not both" it encourages them to think and teaches them that they can't have everything.

    With them deciding what they want to do for the day - well that could be a case of them ruling the roost, which is ridiculous - but again, if you offer them the choice between X and Y, where is the problem in that?
    Choice is fair enough, but allowing them to dictate is just insane.

    Watching Brother 1's family at dinner is unbelievable; the missus cooks dinner for himself and herself, 1 child will only eat potatoes and peas, one won't eat anything and the others only eat crap, and it's all because she started asking them what they wanted for dinner. They weren't given a choice of, say, chicken or lamb, they were given the choice of anything at all that they wanted, and now she's stuck cooking four dinners. Brother 2's kids have just have food put in front of them from day 1 and as a result they're not picky eaters at all.

    If you give a child 100% free run of what they eat, where they eat, when they eat, what extra-curricular activities they go to on what days surely you're essentially handing the child-rearing to the child, and surely that will lead to the child deciding their own bed time, their own curfew, where they can go, who they can hang around with and what they can do.


  • Options
    #39
    Mr Cawley
    Registered Users Posts: 314 ✭✭Mr Cawley


    yungwan wrote: »
    Maybe because talking to 5 year olds like they are babies and stupid will not help them develop.

    I think parents who talk down to their children and use baby talk when they should speak to them properly are much worse.

    "Here Conor, have a sausie wossie, dont let the doggie woogy get it"

    Like wtf?! I always spoke to my 7 year old like an adult, because guess what? Speaking to them like babies does not lead to them growing up intelligently with good grammer grammar. fyp My son speaks very well for his age and he is able to make decisions himself because thats how I brought him up.

    Do you even have kids OP?


    I do however agree that children should not feel they are 100% equal in your relationship. When you say no, it should mean no, and a child should not be able to manipulate you.

    oh dear,


  • Options
    #40
    MarkGrisham
    Closed Accounts Posts: 65 ✭✭MarkGrisham


    kylith wrote: »
    I'm not talking about dignity and respect, everyone should be treated that way, I'm talking about giving them power over their schedules.

    I work booking kids into classes and every day I'm left gaping in disbelief as yummy-mummies ask their 4 year olds "Would you like to do the class on Monday or Tuesday?" What the hell? It's a toddler, it doesn't know what a Monday is! And all the time the kid is just repeating 'No, no no', and they have to have a specific teacher teaching or the child 'won't go'.

    What the hell happened to mammies saying "You're doing this on Tuesday"? What happened to them tearing the kid a new one if they refused to go? I distinctly remember when I was a child getting lectured on how much lessons cost, and how I'd made a show of her with my feckology, and if I didn't get in there now and pay attention I'd feel the back of her hand.

    Is this what's wrong with children? Have they been given too much control by wishy-washy parents and therefore gotten the impression that they can do and have and say exactly what they want?

    [/rant]

    I think a lot of parents are either over-thinking parenting, afraid to make the "wrong" decision in case they bugger up the child, or are the opposite and disinterested in doing the job properly. And far too many parents want to be their kid's "best friend" instead of being a "boring parent".


  • Options
    #41
    kylith
    Registered Users Posts: 17,736 ✭✭✭✭kylith


    yungwan wrote: »
    Maybe because talking to 5 year olds like they are babies and stupid will not help them develop.

    Do you even have kids OP?

    I do however agree that children should not feel they are 100% equal in your relationship. When you say no, it should mean no, and a child should not be able to manipulate you.
    Who said anything about talking to them like they're babies? I'm talking about letting them make all the decisions about what they do, where they go and what they eat.

    And no, I don't have kids yet. I do, however, have a rake of nieces and nephews, and a job working with children so I see all types of parenting strategies from all kinds of angles.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #42
    ejmaztec
    Registered Users Posts: 23,974 ✭✭✭✭ejmaztec


    MarkGrisham wrote: »
    I think a lot of parents are either over-thinking parenting, afraid to make the "wrong" decision in case they bugger up the child, or are the opposite and disinterested in doing the job properly. And far too many parents want to be their kid's "best friend" instead of being a "boring parent".

    That's probably why priests aren't allowed to marry.


  • Options
    #43
    moonpurple
    Closed Accounts Posts: 852 ✭✭✭moonpurple


    if you are watching a 4 year old being asked to make a choice between monday or tuesday you are watching a bad parent in action...

    young children like to know that they are being minded, :pac:


  • Options
    #44
    Princess Consuela Bananahammock
    Registered Users Posts: 33,019 ✭✭✭✭Princess Consuela Bananahammock


    Nothign wrong with giving kids a choice as long as they make one. I used to take the ex-girlfriend's kids to McDonald's and get them to decide what they wanted on they way.

    If someone didn't know by the time I got to the counter, I would guess, and they knew it.

    There are simply some choices you make and some choices the kid can make, but at the end of the day, they have to make a choice. The bad parenting bit comes in when you allow them to take all day.

    Everything I don't like is either woke or fascist - possibly both - pick one.



  • Options
    #45
    kowloon
    Registered Users Posts: 13,281 ✭✭✭✭kowloon


    kfallon wrote: »
    Children are the adults of tomorrow!

    That's what worries me.


  • Options
    #46
    kylith
    Registered Users Posts: 17,736 ✭✭✭✭kylith


    yungwan wrote: »
    MarkGrisham wrote: »
    I think a lot of parents are either over-thinking parenting, afraid to make the "wrong" decision in case they bugger up the child, or are the opposite and disinterested in doing the job properly. And far too many parents want to be their kid's "best friend" instead of being a "boring parent".
    I wonder if this is more about some people's fear of getting older, or if it's a symptom of the fact that relatively few parents stay home to look after their children. Back in our mother's day there was a whole network of mothers who didn't work, who minded each other's kids, and who met up so the kids could play and they could chat. Recently I've heard people saying that they feel isolated after they have a child, or that they don't have a conversation with another adult from one end of the day to the other, and I wonder if the fact that some women choose to go back to work after having their kids impacts negatively on the psyche of stay-at-home mums.


  • Options
    #47
    Dudess
    Closed Accounts Posts: 37,215 ✭✭✭✭Dudess


    grindelwald wrote: »
    Kids are growing up so fast these days.
    I bet adults have been saying that since time immemorial...
    flyton5 wrote: »
    Leads to situations like this...who lets a 12yr old girl out after midnight?
    Had a feeling that would be brought up...


  • Options
    #48
    billy the squid
    Registered Users Posts: 12,811 ✭✭✭✭billy the squid


    grindelwald wrote: »
    I talk to my 5 year old like he is 5, not 2 and not 10 or 15 or even 18.
    (Ive been told he is very very bright)

    i talk to my 3 year old like he is 3 but sometimes i have to talk to him as if he was younger as he has a speech and language delay and does not fully comprehend what we say.....

    At the end of the day a child is a child and should be treated as such. A child should not be ruling the roost.

    How does a three-year-old talk? How does a five-year-old talk? some three or five-year-olds have a more advanced vocabulary than others.


  • Options
    #49
    MarkGrisham
    Closed Accounts Posts: 65 ✭✭MarkGrisham


    kylith wrote: »
    I wonder if this is more about some people's fear of getting older, or if it's a symptom of the fact that relatively few parents stay home to look after their children. Back in our mother's day there was a whole network of mothers who didn't work, who minded each other's kids, and who met up so the kids could play and they could chat. Recently I've heard people saying that they feel isolated after they have a child, or that they don't have a conversation with another adult from one end of the day to the other, and I wonder if the fact that some women choose to go back to work after having their kids impacts negatively on the psyche of stay-at-home mums.

    I've heard similar things from time to time. It's a tough situation and I can't really blame mothers for wanting to get a "break" by going back to work. There should be better support for young families but it'd have to be organised since families are smaller and more dispersed than they used to be.


Advertisement