are we getting more vulgar?

LegacyUser

I am Curious what other women think of this. I can think of a few incidents of this, a while a ago i overheard two woman talking and and one was describing her sex life in the most graphic terms!!! now i have often had very interesting discussions with men and women about sex as a subject but people discussing their personal sex lives. To me it come across as vulgar and disloyal to their partners, its seem to be getting more common.

Another incident i was going to a dinner in a friends house when another women who was suppose to come turned up for a few minutes and said " sorry i cant come i am going out husband hunting tonight" my friend thought it was funny but i though it sounded vulgar and coarse. To me there seems to a creeping acceptance of this kind of let it all had out nothing needs to be personal or dignified.

I can think of lots of this kind of behavior. I think its relay off putting to listen to but other people seem to think it funny am i the only one who dose not think its funny?

WindSock

In before blaming SATC...

dillymilly wrote: »

sorry i cant come i am going out husband hunting tonight" my friend thought it was funny but i though it sounded vulgar and coarse.

That's vulgar? :eek:

I am going to say not really as regards to blaming SATC as I have heard girls say terribly crass things in school, long before the show was aired. However, perhaps this generation is moreso more open about their expliots than the last due to the shame and bondage of the church being lifted a little. I do agree though that it is disrespectful to a partner to be talking quite openly and publicly about what goes on between the sheets / kitchen table, etc.

LegacyUser

The is a big difference between not talking about a subject because of hangups and not talking about something because of good manners.

WindSock

Is there unreg posting here now?

That is true, but talking crassly about things with your mates and having a laugh is not bad manners if none of you are offended.

mood

WindSock wrote: »

Is there unreg posting here now?

That is true, but talking crassly about things with your mates and having a laugh is not bad manners if none of you are offended.

But surely people should talk about such things in a private place not in public where people can over hear! And there is a way to talk about private matters in a mannerly way.

o1s1n

What is vulgar to one person might be completely normal conversation to another.

Although I fail to see how telling someone you're going 'husband hunting' could be considered vulgar to anyone?

WindSock

mood wrote: »

But surely people should talk about such things in a private place not in public where people can over hear! And there is a way to talk about private matters in a mannerly way.

Some things should be kept private, I agree. But if people are out having a laugh with their mates, and others get offended by listening into their conversations then they should mind their own business, tbh.
I don't mean if it is on a bus or train though, no one should be subjected to have to listen to people shriek and roar about themselves, where you can't escape.

kiwi123

ah sure i'd talk about sex in general with the girls, like if we slept with someone we were seeing, but never in detail or graphically e.g. positions etc.. I think for us it's more about the fact we find it a personal thing rather than finding it vulgar.

Nervous Wreck

I think moreso than being vulgar or anything like that, it's becoming increasingly acceptable for women to talk about their sex lives. It's a positive thing. Some people discuss things more openly than others and in more detail and, while some people may see that as vulgarity, the likelihood is that the person just wants to be able to discuss some personal things with their friends. I don't generally discuss intimate details about my sex-life with friends but sometimes I feel it's necessary and when it is, I'm pretty grateful that my friends are there to listen.

Ickle Magoo

I think it depends on the people and the company as to whether people can be more open and upfront about sex and sexual matters. My last family gathering included an enlightening debate on the joys of fellatio - I'm guessing most peoples parents and aunties and uncles wouldn't do that. I know some people who can't say porn without blushing and others who can merrily discuss masturbatory techniques. I'm not sure vulgarity comes into it in 2010 for the most part, is it not just a matter of what you are/are not comfortable discussing?

iguana

I think listening in on a stranger's conversations is an awful lot more vulgar than a bunch of friends discussing their sex lives.

Giselle

iguana wrote: »

I think listening in on a stranger's conversations is an awful lot more vulgar than a bunch of friends discussing their sex lives.

Maybe she couldn't help but overhear?

I think behaviour is probably more vulgar generally than before. Walk down any Irish Main Street after closing time on a Saturday for evidence.;)

Language is coarser than before, with less taboos around swearing, especially women swearing.

If its a good or bad thing is down to personal preference I suppose, one persons personal freedom is anothers slipping standard.

I'm not big into casual cursing, and I think private things should only be spoken of in private. Not everyone is the same though, and thats a good thing.:)

SeekUp

Yeah, I wouldn't say more vulgar, necessarily, but our actions are definitely more open and less reserved than previously thought to be socially acceptable (for both men and women alike!). The parameters have shifted on what's private and what's public, and we discuss things with our peers that would previously have stayed behind closed doors.

Truth be told, I hardly even notice these things anymore. It's just become such a part of the everyday background noise that I wouldn't think twice about it, other than a smile if I heard something amusing.

The Sweeper

dillymilly wrote: »

Are we getting more vulgar?

No idea about the rest of you, but according to my mother, yes, yes I personally am getting more vulgar.

iguana

Giselle wrote: »

I think behaviour is probably more vulgar generally than before. Walk down any Irish Main Street after closing time on a Saturday for evidence.;)

Language is coarser than before, with less taboos around swearing, especially women swearing.

Than before when? Morality and vulgarity are in constant flux with liberal eras followed by conservative ones and then the pendulum swings back again. Take Europe in the mid-14th century. The behaviour of your average plague survivor would make all but the most liberal and voyeuristic, exhibitionists of modern times faint in shock. Many people drank and ate to massive excess and ****ed anything that moved in the street. The general mood was that with so many dead they might as well enjoy the excess left behind and have fun before they too succumbed. Nothing that you see in the modern world would compare to it in vulgarity.

In earlier times look to the Bacchanalian orgies or in later history the popular licentiousness of Georgian England or the "stews of Southwark" pretty much throughout it's history. Over time periods what is respectable and what is not has changed; Cromwellian puritanism to Georgian bawdiness. We are still at a time period where we are moving away from Victorian virtue.

The only thing that makes this liberal period any different is the equality of both women and the social classes makes the fashion universal. And the scientific knowledge that means a very big loosening of the reigns of religious and royal powers over the masses so public mores are no longer subject to the personal whims and beliefs of the few.

I don't mean to be condescending but the only people who would think that we are experiencing the most vulgar/liberal time period in history don't know very much about history. Many of our forebears were so much more free (or disgusting depending on your outlook) than we will ever be.

Giselle

iguana wrote: »

The only thing that makes this liberal period any different is the equality of both women and men

Which I alluded to.

I don't mean to be condescending but the only people who would think that we are experiencing the most vulgar/liberal time period in history don't know very much about history.

I didn't claim to know very much about history actually.

Nor did I claim that we are experiencing the most vulgar/liberal period in history.

iguana

Giselle wrote: »

Which I alluded to.

All you said about women was that they swear more, which they don't really, and that has no bearing on women's equality.

Giselle wrote: »

I didn't claim to know very much about history actually.

Nor did I claim that we are experiencing the most vulgar/liberal period in history.

You said that things were more vulgar than they were before, which is both correct and incorrect, as things were much less vulgar* in the more recent past and much more so in many past periods. People have this tendency to look to the near past and compare the present to that instead of looking at the wider picture. But when you look at the full picture it appears that so many things are cyclical, history, the economy, societal mores.


*Depending on your interpretation.

Giselle

iguana wrote: »

All you said about women was that they swear more, which they don't really, and that has no bearing on women's equality.

I said there were fewer taboos around women swearing, which is certainly my opinion. I made it clear it was my opinion, when I wrote 'I think..'

You said that things were more vulgar than they were before, which is both correct and incorrect, as things were much less vulgar* in the more recent past and much more so in many past periods. People have this tendency to look to the near past and compare the present to that instead of looking at the wider picture. But when you look at the full picture it appears that so many things are cyclical, history, the economy, societal mores.


*Depending on your interpretation.

People have this tendancy? Do we know each other?

I simply offered my opinion, but thank you for correcting me so thoroughly and for giving your take on how I fail to see the bigger picture.

I stand completely corrected, chastened, educated, humbled and ashamed of my ignorant opinions.:)

Faith

I think "vulgar" is the wrong word completely for what you're getting at. I think women in general are increasingly discovering the joys of having frank and open discussions with their friends about anything they like. My friends and I are demons for talking very openly about sex, especially after a few drinks. I'm not talking about blow-by-blow (no pun intended :P) accounts of an encounter, but we'll happily discuss things like penis size and satisfaction, whether or not we've tried and/or enjoyed anal sex, vibrators etc. Up until a couple of years ago I'd barely discuss periods with my friends, but as we've grown up we've all gotten a lot more comfortable with each other.

We would try and be a bit discreet where possible, saying things like "One guy I was with..." rather than "[insert full name here] did this...". We'd happily have these discussions in a pub too. We wouldn't be shouting, but we'd speak at normal levels, and if others choose to eavesdrop then that's their problem.

Sex aside, yes women are getting more vulgar I think. There's a lot more swearing, farting, burping etc these days by women than there would have been in the past. It's a lot more socially acceptable now.

iguana

Giselle wrote: »

People have this tendancy? Do we know each other?

People in general, not you specifically. Though you did do just that.

Giselle wrote: »

I simply offered my opinion, but thank you for correcting me so thoroughly and for giving your take on how I fail to see the bigger picture.

Except it's not an opinion. How things are versus how they were are facts and therefore not subjective. The fact is things are not more "vulgar" now than they were at many times in the past.

Giselle

iguana wrote: »

Except it's not an opinion. How things are versus how they were are facts and therefore not subjective. The fact is things are not more "vulgar" now than they were at many times in the past.

I've no doubt you're correct that during the entire history of humankind there have been periods of greater vulgarity, but I don't think the scope of the OP was quite that wide.

But then, I'm probably wrong about that too.

Des Carter

I think its awful unfair to your bf/husband/partner if you talk about your sex life with others.

Scarinae

Des Carter wrote: »

I think its awful unfair to your bf/husband/partner if you talk about your sex life with others.

I'm inclined to agree with this. I don't mind talking about sex in the abstract, but I draw the line at specifics. One particular friend is awful for this - she used to tell me in detail about nights with her then-boyfriend, like what position they were in and stuff. Always found it a bit strange.

WhollyChao

Fishie wrote: »

I'm inclined to agree with this. I don't mind talking about sex in the abstract, but I draw the line at specifics.

I agree. I wouldn't have a problem saying to very close friends, if the subject arose, that mine and my partner's sex life was grand, but I would never be inclined to go into minute detail about it. I get very agitated by people who cannot have a conversation about how things are going in their personal lives without giving an in-depth talk about the past 2 weeks' sexual mishaps etc. Why not save the effort for actually working through the problems with your partner instead of killing a conversation?