I have a date

Jennifurball

When I first split with ex, I joined POF, not really been on it much since but a few weeks ago I got talking to this lovely man. He sounds so lovely and sweet and is one hell of a good looking man. I know you probably think it is too soon but I am not willing to let this one go as we have really hit it off, we talk and text everyday.

Anyhow, he is taking me out on Saturday for drinks. I honestly think there must be a catch because he is so good looking and has the same values as me, is very much a gent and makes me feel special, and I haven't even met him yet.

He makes jokes about us marrying and having kids, I know it sounds mad but its sweet at the same time. He seems besotted with me, and I am getting that way with him too.

I am just getting so nervous about it and don't want to mess up because he really is so nice, I don't think I would have gone out with him had we not hit it off so well, we would make such a good looking couple too.

Has anyone got any tips? He said he would be a nervous wreck but that will make me that way. Please help!

Danniboo

The catch is you're steal dealing with a broken heart and might be seeing any half decent guy with Rosie Tinted Glasses after the way your ex carried on. I'm not saying don't go but keep your guard up, as you're vulnerable and don't go jumping into a relationship too soon. xxxx What's POF by the way?

Distorted

Is this date the first time you will have met him in person? Excuse me if I've got this wrong, but if a man I had never actually met was talking about getting married and having kids with me, I'd be running for the hills with the speed of Usain Bolt.

Also, you have yet to find out if he even looks anything like his photo on the internet site.

Being a little bit wary in this situation would serve you well.

Jennifurball

Plenty of Fish.

I know I am still raw with things but I don't feel like I did last time I posted. Ex was telling me yesterday he has been missing me like crazy, he wants to get back with me but knows he can't. We still love each other but I love him more as a friend now, even after spending time with him yesterday (he just came round for a chat, nothing happened). He knows I am dating and have moved on, he said it's killing him but he knew what he was doing when he left me.

I do still care for ex but at the same time, I really like this lad. I have been asked out loads and he is the first one I have accepted. He lives in a different town but it isn't a million miles away. I think the distance will stop things getting too serious and it will be exciting and fresh.

Oh hope he does look like his pics, don't want any disappointment showing in my face. He says those things pretty lightheartedly, he is very soppy but it is sweet.

Danniboo

Jennifurball wrote: »

Plenty of Fish.

I know I am still raw with things but I don't feel like I did last time I posted. Ex was telling me yesterday he has been missing me like crazy, he wants to get back with me but knows he can't. We still love each other but I love him more as a friend now, even after spending time with him yesterday (he just came round for a chat, nothing happened). He knows I am dating and have moved on, he said it's killing him but he knew what he was doing when he left me.

I do still care for ex but at the same time, I really like this lad. I have been asked out loads and he is the first one I have accepted. He lives in a different town but it isn't a million miles away. I think the distance will stop things getting too serious and it will be exciting and fresh.

Sorry honey but that BS me and the ex were speaking and friends when we first broke up it was only when he stopped talking to me and started seeing someone that the breakup even hit me. You are torturing myself my dear what happened to NO CONTACT. The ex now wants you back misses you etc which is probably why you're not feeling that upset. Sorry i'm going off topic but from another point of view how are you going to explain to this new guy or others myself and my ex fiancee are still great friends we still love each other and miss each other.

newtothis2010

theres many pros and cons of online dating, one con is certainly that in real life they don't match up to who they are online/text/phone..
a pro is that you get to build a rapore with someone before meeting em, (but that doesn't mean it will translate into real life).

I can understand your reaction and being terribly excited and nervous, big step going on first date after break up but you have to remember, this is just a first initial meeting with someone you've clicked with online. Nothing more, nothing less.

If the initial tests of looking like his photos and having a similar personality to what you've encountered are passed there are a myriad of other things to look to and many can take many meetings to realise: is there an actual attraction, is there a similar outlook, is there serious baggage, is the person genuine or looking for a ONS, are YOU ready to continue dating.. and on and on...

I wouldn't be viewing this as anything other than a simple 'get to know you' drink. The minute you start seeing you 2 walking the beach at sunset hand in hand is when things can start to go wrong. Take it easy, keep a certain amount of your guard up and just be yourself. If its gonna develop into anything that will take time.... and patience will need to be your friend then.

If you set the expectation too high then you are setting yourself up for disappointment.
And if you have a reasonable expectation and it doesn't reach it, don't despair. Sometimes these things just don't translate into the real world.

Oh and as to marriage and kids comments, I really believe it depends on what context its being said in whether its creepy or not...

LegacyUser

Jennifurball wrote: »

He makes jokes about us marrying and having kids

Be very careful of a person who says things like this. I dated a man like this once, and it turned out that he was looking for an ideal. Within weeks, he had me up on a pedestal, and was very disappointed I didn't stay on it. He saw his friends in relationships, and he wanted a ready made one for himself. People like this have absolutely no idea of what it takes to keep a relationship going. So if you're looking for a proper relationship, keep well away from this guy.

Otherwise, if you're just looking for some fun, you could do worse : )

Jennifurball

I know it seems like bad timing but I don't want to miss out on someone like him, he ticks all my boxes and really likes me. We are only going for a drink, it is best to give it a shot than to wonder what if for the rest of my life. He could be the best thing that happened to me. Then again, he may not but I need to try.

I don't love ex in that way anymore. I care for him as a friend, he was something special in my life and I can't ignore that. Maybe I am too nice...he has agreed though that it is the last time he comes to see me because it upsets him too much.

The marriage and kids thing isn't creepy when he says it, he has a daughter himself so the subject of kids came up and whether I want any and he said we would make good looking kids if we had any.

Danniboo

Jennifurball wrote: »

I know it seems like bad timing but I don't want to miss out on someone like him, he ticks all my boxes and really likes me. We are only going for a drink, it is best to give it a shot than to wonder what if for the rest of my life. He could be the best thing that happened to me. Then again, he may not but I need to try.

I don't love ex in that way anymore. I care for him as a friend, he was something special in my life and I can't ignore that. Maybe I am too nice...he has agreed though that it is the last time he comes to see me because it upsets him too much.

The marriage and kids thing isn't creepy when he says it, he has a daughter himself so the subject of kids came up and whether I want any and he said we would make good looking kids if we had any.

K hon if that's true and judging by how upset you were not so long ago I really want to know you're secret x.

I hope this guy does turn out to be nice but don't set yourself up for more heartache.

jessiejam

Hi Jen hope you are feeling better now

Just a quick point. Go ahead and meet this new guy, just don't have any expectations. Meet him as a friend and let him know this so he doesn't have any expectations either.

Something may develop in time or it may not. Either way neither of you will be dissappointed.
Its easy to be reeled in over the internet. Some people are great with words. In person things could be very different. Its easy to lie over the net. Why else is he so nervous about meeting you. You would rarely tell all the bad things over the net just the good.

All i am saying is proceed with extreme caution, but relax and enjoy the bit of attention.

Oh one more thing
TELL YOUR EX TO F*K OFF AND NEVER CONTACT YOU AGAIN.

xxx

Jennifurball

It may sound sad but I got my Paul McKenna book for mending a broken heart and I listened to the CD a few times and it really helped and relaxed me. Whenever I think of him or see him, my heart doesn't sink. I said to him yesterday I really want him to meet someone who makes him happy, much more than finding out he has been sleeping around. That shows I am over him in that way, I felt sorry for him in a way, I don't want him to be upset.

Danniboo

Jennifurball wrote: »

It may sound sad but I got my Paul McKenna book for mending a broken heart and I listened to the CD a few times and it really helped and relaxed me. Whenever I think of him or see him, my heart doesn't sink. I said to him yesterday I really want him to meet someone who makes him happy, much more than finding out he has been sleeping around. That shows I am over him in that way, I felt sorry for him in a way, I don't want him to be upset.

Hmmm, I went through that phase too hon right before I came crashing back to reality. Nothing sad about trying to help yourself at all, if it works why not.

newtothis2010

Jennifurball wrote: »

It may sound sad but I got my Paul McKenna book for mending a broken heart and I listened to the CD a few times and it really helped and relaxed me. Whenever I think of him or see him, my heart doesn't sink. I said to him yesterday I really want him to meet someone who makes him happy, much more than finding out he has been sleeping around. That shows I am over him in that way, I felt sorry for him in a way, I don't want him to be upset.

Jen, it looks like you still have some level of emotional attachment to your ex. You need to cut contact once and for all, for your sake as much as for him. Keeping him around is not healthy for either of you, in time you may try be friends, but for now, for you, cut him off and move on with your life.

If you really feel you are over him then this should be the simplest thing in the world to do and then you can enjoy your new dating life...

just my 2 cents..

jessiejam

Jennifurball wrote: »

It may sound sad but I got my Paul McKenna book for mending a broken heart and I listened to the CD a few times and it really helped and relaxed me. Whenever I think of him or see him, my heart doesn't sink. I said to him yesterday I really want him to meet someone who makes him happy, much more than finding out he has been sleeping around. That shows I am over him in that way, I felt sorry for him in a way, I don't want him to be upset.

I think you may be trying to convince yourself and not us that you are over him.
Anyway lets not even go there and turn this into another thread about him.
I hope you are girl I really do

Jennifurball

I know you are right. There is still something there but not how it was, I care for him and that is it. Hope this is me now oever him, don't want to get how I did but I did well seeing him yesterday and not getting upset. It is nice to know he regrets it in some way because he was making me feel like a piece of trash that he no longer cared for.

I am not looking too much into this date, he is a lovely man and seems genuine. Nice and big muscles, someone who could look after me.

neveah

Sounds like a rebound Jennifurball but what the hell go for it anyway and enjoy your date! I'd love to go on a date now that I have moved on from my ex but I'm a little sceptical about online dating and I haven't been asked out much in the real world but I'm delighted that something new has happened for you! However as the other poster said, be a bit reserved in your expectations, he might not turn out to be what you have built up in your head and you could be left disappointed. Fair play to you for getting out on the dating scene again though.

It was only a week or so ago that you were completely devastated over your ex so I'm not sure if I believe you when you say you are completely over him. Danniboo is 100% correct, when you see that your ex is with someone new and has moved on then it will hit you very hard indeed. That said you can't be at home moping about so it's good to get out there, maybe this guy will be a landing cushion if nothing else. Just be upfront with him about where you are coming from. Best of luck and let us know how you get on:)

Danniboo

Nice and big muscles, someone who could look after me.


KEEPER !!!!!!!!!!!:D

Jennifurball

I have come a long way since though, even in this short time, I think closing that thread was the right thing to do.

Anyway, he said he doesn't look as good as he does on his pics cos he isn't as tanned and muscly but he is the same person and is making the effort to get back to the gym so I am not going to be too shallow. He has a lovely face, really does.

Yes it will hurt seeing ex with someone but hopefully by then I will be happy with someone else and it won't hurt so much.

He said he is so nervous because he likes me so much and doesn't want me to be disappointed with him. I am getting my hair cut that morning concidentally so I hope it doesn't go wrong or I may have to invest in a hat!

jessiejam

Jennifurball wrote: »

I have come a long way since though, even in this short time, I think closing that thread was the right thing to do.

Anyway, he said he doesn't look as good as he does on his pics cos he isn't as tanned and muscly but he is the same person and is making the effort to get back to the gym so I am not going to be too shallow. He has a lovely face, really does.

Yes it will hurt seeing ex with someone but hopefully by then I will be happy with someone else and it won't hurt so much.

He said he is so nervous because he likes me so much and doesn't want me to be disappointed with him. I am getting my hair cut that morning concidentally so I hope it doesn't go wrong or I may have to invest in a hat!

Ok he said he doesn't look as good in real life. This is him letting you know most probably that the muscle is now fat and he;s fairly pasty.
Not a deal breaker by any means, but don't expect a chipindale expect his baby brother:p

Jennifurball

LOL

Well I am sure he doesn't differ that much cos he said he was embarrassed at the weekend when he was out cos this woman ran over saying OMG you are him on POF!

Danniboo

jessiejam wrote: »

Ok he said he doesn't look as good in real life. This is him letting you know most probably that the muscle is now fat and he;s fairly pasty.
Not a deal breaker by any means, but don't expect a chipindale expect his baby brother:p

He's probably photoshopped his head on some buff guys body he probably has a whole keg instead of a six pack!!! Sorry couldn't resist.

Jennifurball

You are getting me worried now haha.

jessiejam

Jennifurball wrote: »

LOL

Well I am sure he doesn't differ that much cos he said he was embarrassed at the weekend when he was out cos this woman ran over saying OMG you are him on POF!

Just be careful, really.
Don't set yourself up to get hurt again
Take your time with him see what he's like, but don't rush. And defo don't talk about your ex!:eek:

I hope he's lush and everything goes well for you
Including your hair cut;)

Jennifurball

Thank you!

Got to get myself a new outfit, gosh I hate all this making an effort stuff, I am not used to it!

Danniboo

Jennifurball wrote: »

Thank you!

Got to get myself a new outfit, gosh I hate all this making an effort stuff, I am not used to it!

If you are doing these things do them regardless of date with random buff guy or not, do them for yourself!!!!!! x;)

Jennifurball

I know, I haven't exactly let myself go but I need a new wardrobe.

Hope he isn't fat.

LegacyUser

Hi Jen, i wanted to post a reply as i can see myself in you not so long ago:) I too came out of a traumatic ending long term relationship and i craved the attention of a man more than anything, even if i didn't realise this at the time!! My ex treated me like a piece of dirt and so emotionally i was deeply wounded and i thought that another man was the only way to put me back together. So i went online, dated lots of guys, mostly just coffee dates etc. had lots of fun.

Then i met a guy who also, seemed, to tick all my boxes. He was everything i wanted and more, charming, cute, complimentary,deep, sensitive. He too bowled me over with talk of marriage, babies, how we would be great together and he could see himself falling for me, this was all in the first three weeks of meeting online/ meeting up in real life!!! I was so desperate to hear all these things, i lapped it up. I ignored that feeling in the pit of my tummy which said something was a little off. Every woman has this but when the rose tinted glasses are on, it mutes it big time.

We were together two months when he started putting pressure on me to get pregnant, also called me too much, pressurising me to give up my job and move to be with him etc. these little warning signs were there in the beginning but i was blindsided by need and infatuation to see them. It all became too much for me and eventually i got out. It really wrecked my head but i realised that i was at fault as i believed all the things he told me. Just take everything he says with a pinch of salt and give yourself time to get to know the "real" him, that's if he sticks around that long! Hopefully he will turn out to be genuine Just be careful, trust your instincts and remember, no matter how perfect he seems, no one is!! Until you are completely healed from your ex, don't jump into anything you could regret.

Jennifurball

Thanks.

I am going to take it slowly, he really is a gent by the sounds of things. He said he isn't one to jump straight into bed with someone and he wants to treat me like a lady. Makes a nice change.

I do feel bad on my ex though, he knows about this and I feel cruel.

metrovelvet

Do not trust someone who talks about marriage and kids [other than in a very generalised way] in the first week. They are either weird and possessive or full of **** and trying to con you because they think thats what you want to hear [nothing personal -they think its what all women want to hear].

Jennifurball

The way he said those things didn't ring any alarm bells but I am naturally cautious of anyone I meet now. I know what you are saying though, it's a bit extreme!

metrovelvet

Jennifurball wrote: »

The way he said those things didn't ring any alarm bells but I am naturally cautious of anyone I meet now. I know what you are saying though, it's a bit extreme!

Ugh. Sometimes people play these stupid games where they say things just to see how you react [to test if to want to be a ball and chain] not realizing themselves that they come across as the crackpot.

Anyhow... not to get too heated up about it...

Jennifurball

I won't worry about it too much at the moment, I will just take it as a compliment that he likes me enough to even consider something like that. I know when men are playing, he seems so down to earth and normal.

beks101

Hi Jen, I don't mean to burst your bubble, but how much can you actually know about someone without having met them in real life?

It's very easy to win someone over by text and email because you get time to think about how you're going to throw together a few sentences to endear yourself to the other person. Also, in the online world you can be who you want to be - you're seeing his absolute best photos and assuming he's been on this dating site for a while (given that someone recently recognised him), he knows exactly what to say to catch your attention.

Now I'm not trying to rain on your parade - this guy could turn out to be exactly what you need right now and I think it's fantastic that you've arranged to meet. I'm just saying you need to bear in mind the fact that you are extremely vulnerable right now and need to exercise a bit of self-protection here.

Don't go into this expecting to meet the man of your dreams, even if that's how it appears now. Keep an open mind of course, but don't play it up because chances are you will be disappointed.

Also be sure to tell a friend where you are going to be and have an excuse at the ready in case you need to make a swift exit!

tinkerbell

Ok so you're STILL talking to your ex? Great stuff - you'll never get over him. You are only fooling yourself if you think you are. You cannot do a complete 180 in the space of a week or two and be suddenly fine with talking to your ex boyfriend and listening to him say he misses you, that's a load of crap. I mean why are you still talking to him?? You will seriously never get over him.

As for this new guy - I would steer well clear. Talking about marriage and kids with you when he hasn't even met you yet? Freak alert. There is no way you should be wanting to meet someone who says stuff like that, I mean that's crazy talk after a few dates, nevermind when you haven't even met each other yet!!

And finally, this is a complete rebound anyway. You need to take some time out for yourself for a few weeks and get your head together. Right now you're just jumping from your ex to a new guy, and that will not help you move on. You need to sort your head out first.

mood

Jennifurball wrote: »

he ticks all my boxes and really likes me.

It may seem like this but it may or may not be the case in real life. I have been on a few internet dates and trust me you don't know if you click or even like each other until you actually met face to face. You seem to be getting carried away. Just meet the guy but bear in mind you might want to leave after 5 minutes!

Cullen82

Don't build it up in your head any more than you already have, IMO this serves to only work against what sort of impression you'll have of him on the night never mind how things will work out.


The reason I say this is because I personally have asked a few girls out (3) in the past 4/5 weeks who I already knew somewhat and really liked each of them both physically and their personality. However after only one date with two of these I knew straight away something was'nt right and the third I'm not so sure i'm interested in anymore either.....Trust me I could'nt have imagined feeling the way i do about them now with it being so different than before the nights out. I guess my point it you never really know until you meet face to face, one on one.

Good luck on the date

Cullen82

mood wrote: »

It may seem like this but it may or may not be the case in real life. I have been on a few internet dates and trust me you don't know if you click or even like each other until you actually met face to face. You seem to be getting carried away. Just meet the guy but bear in mind you might want to leave after 5 minutes!

Sorry i've kinda repeated this post with mine above but what i've said is more a less along the same lines - I'm sure it's even more relevant to internet meetings though

greengiant09

i'd agree with a lot of the posts above.....sending messages to people on-line is no where close to dealing with someone in reality. your expectations seem too high and you seem to be getting carried away with the whole thing. for all you know, this guy could be a complete weirdo. he may 'seem' all gentle by his texts but that really counts for nothing.....the proof will come out over time by his actions. i'd be interested to see how this turns out....try and be a bit more sensible and rational.

AnonMous

Danniboo wrote: »

The catch is you're steal dealing with a broken heart and might be seeing any half decent guy with Rosie Tinted Glasses after the way your ex carried on. I'm not saying don't go but keep your guard up, as you're vulnerable and don't go jumping into a relationship too soon. xxxx What's POF by the way?

Correct me if i'm wrong, but the Op didn't say that her ex had "carried on". She simply said that they split up. That could have been for any reason.

On that note Op, go out and enjoy yourself with this man. I'm sure if it is as natural as it sounds when reading it, all nerves will be vanished within moments of meeting each other.

Best of luck :-)

Danniboo

AnonMous wrote: »

Correct me if i'm wrong, but the Op didn't say that her ex had "carried on". She simply said that they split up. That could have been for any reason.


On that note Op, go out and enjoy yourself with this man. I'm sure if it is as natural as it sounds when reading it, all nerves will be vanished within moments of meeting each other.

Best of luck :-)

You need to go read her original post!

Distorted

OP - I don't know your history but it seems you've had an awful break up to get over. And while its great that you are doing just that by going out on dates, I do think you're setting your hopes a little high by talking about marriage and kids with someone you've never met. You might benefit more from spending some time on your own, thinking about what you want out of a future relationship, than immediately trying to rush into something serious on the rebound. You talked about him "having big muscles to look after you". While everyone likes to be looked after to a minor extent, you're a grown woman and its better to be in the position of not looking for someone to look after you, but to add to and enhance your life.

Is it too harsh to comment that Raoul Moat was a bodybuilder that met a vulnerable woman off the internet whom he then controlled, abused and finally shot? Hopefully this man will be all what he promises to be (though as I said I find the mention of marriage and kids with someone he's never met very very wierd and a red flag), and not the type that uses the internet to find vulnerable women to control. But please be wary, don't set your hopes too high and be your own person OP.

Jennifurball

Gosh please don't compare him to Raoul Moat! :eek:

I am a normal girl using POF, not everyone is a psycho and we are meeting on neutral ground, in a very public place. We are making our own ways home, I won't be inviting him back or vice versa, I will text my friend when I am in the toilets with where we are in case she needs to get me. I suppose however you meet a man, they could turn out weird. I've only ever had 1 internet date before and he was lovely, I am not expecting too much. He isn't preying on a vulnerable woman, I was advertising myself on the internet and he is the first man who I have good vibes about. Just hope I am not set up for disappointment.

I am going clothes shopping in an hour for my special day. ;)

Cullen82

Distorted wrote: »

Is it too harsh to comment that Raoul Moat was a bodybuilder that met a vulnerable woman off the internet whom he then controlled, abused and finally shot?

Harsh?:pac: Ah no not at all, sure any guy looking for a date on the internet should be compared to Raul Moat.

Actually let me backtrack on that - Yeah it's a ridiculous over-reaction and even more ridiculous that you think it okay to be mentioning Raul Moat to someone looking for genuine advice about going on a date.

Am I the only one that thinks this texting about marriage/kids is just flirting, simple as? I would'nt go down this route personally but insinuating that he's a scary piece of work because of this is IMO complete B.S

Just go on the date, meet in public and enjoy it. Don't be too surprised if it does'nt work out and if it is the case that it does'nt then why not go on a few more dates with people you think you might get on with or like. Life's far too short, you're broken up with the ex, maybe you don't want to take time to be alone pondering where your love life is going. Just go out and have fun while you still can;)

FFS if everyone had the attitude some people suggest on here there'd be sweet f.a chance of meeting anyone.

Jennifurball

Cullen82 wrote: »

Ah no not at all, sure any guy looking for a date on the internet should be compared to Raul Moat..

That made me laugh so much!

Yes the marriage and kids thing was said in a flirty way, if I was at all concerned, I wouldn't have agreed to meet him, let alone mention it! I am getting butterflies now, I have a bad feeling, not that he is Raoul Moat but he keeps saying he isn't as nice as his pics.

Cullen82

Well unless he posted pics of George Clooney claiming it was him I presume he's trying to lower your expectations.

Are his pics not clear?? I tried POF ages ago myself but made sure there were tonnes of pics up, some of which were good and some of which I looked ridiculous in - leaving them in no doubt who or even WHAT they were meeting:p

Miss Fluff

Jennifurball wrote: »

That made me laugh so much!

Yes the marriage and kids thing was said in a flirty way, if I was at all concerned, I wouldn't have agreed to meet him, let alone mention it! I am getting butterflies now, I have a bad feeling, not that he is Raoul Moat but he keeps saying he isn't as nice as his pics.

My advice still stands from the last thread. You are not ready to start dating again. That is so so obvious from the a hundred-odd posts on your recent men-related issues. You need to be on your own for a while. You are investing so much hope in this guy being perfect for you when you really should be seeing a professional and taking stock of things for a while.

Danniboo

Jennifurball wrote: »

Gosh please don't compare him to Raoul Moat! :eek:

I am a normal girl using POF, not everyone is a psycho and we are meeting on neutral ground, in a very public place. We are making our own ways home, I won't be inviting him back or vice versa, I will text my friend when I am in the toilets with where we are in case she needs to get me. I suppose however you meet a man, they could turn out weird. I've only ever had 1 internet date before and he was lovely, I am not expecting too much. He isn't preying on a vulnerable woman, I was advertising myself on the internet and he is the first man who I have good vibes about. Just hope I am not set up for disappointment.

I am going clothes shopping in an hour for my special day. ;)

I'm concerned about this last line, your special day. You are investing a lot of energy and effort in this day. A special day is the day you get married, or get that job promotion, or buy your first house, not a date with some guy off the internet. I'm not trying to be cruel but I just think you're going in two feet first and don't want to see you suffering more hurt as a result.

troubleshooter

Jennifurball wrote: »

When I first split with ex, I joined POF, not really been on it much since but a few weeks ago I got talking to this lovely man. He sounds so lovely and sweet and is one hell of a good looking man. I know you probably think it is too soon but I am not willing to let this one go as we have really hit it off, we talk and text everyday.

Anyhow, he is taking me out on Saturday for drinks. I honestly think there must be a catch because he is so good looking and has the same values as me, is very much a gent and makes me feel special, and I haven't even met him yet.

He makes jokes about us marrying and having kids, I know it sounds mad but its sweet at the same time. He seems besotted with me, and I am getting that way with him too.

I am just getting so nervous about it and don't want to mess up because he really is so nice, I don't think I would have gone out with him had we not hit it off so well, we would make such a good looking couple too.

Has anyone got any tips? He said he would be a nervous wreck but that will make me that way. Please help!

You met him on PoF, LoL, hes most likely a player saying all the right things, dont get to carried away, hes also most likely 10 yrs older then hes pic and two stone heavier.............apologies but Im just being real.

And dont leave your drink unattended.

LegacyUser

Jennifurball wrote: »

Anyway, he said he doesn't look as good as he does on his pics cos he isn't as tanned and muscly but he is the same person and is making the effort to get back to the gym

He said he is so nervous because he likes me so much and doesn't want me to be disappointed with him.

Sorry to disappoint you girl but do you know what this means in internet dating lingo? It means 'I look nothing like my picture'! It means, this picture on the profile is at least 5 years old, I now have no hair and a huge pot belly!

I'm not saying that looks matter but what I am saying is that he deceived you about his appearance and is now trying to warn you that he does not look like his photo!!! Major red flag!!!

And talking about kids and marriage??? Even in a flirty way???? My jesus! That's an even bigger red flag! It screams desperation and needy.

Part of the problem I think is you are needy right now as well. You are desperately trying to beat your ex to the punch by having a relationship before he does. You think it will make you feel better and him feel worse and you dread for him to get into a relationship before you do. And you're wanting to hear declarations of undying love regardless of who they are coming from -- even random strangers off the internet who you've never met.

I don't mean to be harsh but I think you need a wake up call. You need to approach this break up in a mature fashion and deal with it properly instead of looking for validation anywhere you can get it.

mood

Jennifurball wrote: »

The marriage and kids thing isn't creepy when he says it, he has a daughter himself so the subject of kids came up and whether I want any and he said we would make good looking kids if we had any.

I would think that this was his way of just saying he thinks you are good looking OP. I don't think he really is planning a future together when you really haven't even meet! However, I think you really need to be more realistic about this. He has already admitted he doesn't look like his photos any more. That must mean that the photo is five years old or more. No exactly an honest guy!!! You may get on but you may not. To be honest I think your expectations are way too high.

Jennifurball

I don't think I am being needy at all, I have turned down about 5 men since the split, that isn't me being big headed, I have been asked out a lot, numerous times from the same ones but I said no. If I was seeing this man to fill a void, I would have said yes to the others. I really like him, we seem to get on.

I am actually over the split. Yes if I saw ex with someone it would hurt but that is natural. I only date men I really like so I am not just saying yes for the hell of it. I don't want to look back and regret not seeing him because on paper it is too soon. I am going with my heart, not my head.

As for the pics, they are only a few years old according to when he added them on facebook, he just said he has lost his tan and is about a stone heavier but he is a big man and can prob get away with it, hope so anyway. :pac:

I am not going to be shallow, I know what he CAN look like and I am sticking with it. He has re-joined the gym anyway and if he has a nice new lady to take care of, he will make more of an effort.

I agree that he is putting himself down to lower my expectations. There is no point in me doing that as I have that many pics and they are quite recent. I have nothing to hide (apart from my newly acquired spot).

He is better looking than Raoul Moat anyway.