Most humorous insult you've heard? :-)

DustyMan

'Ya would'nt make a walking stick for an Irishman'.

Sound Bite

Re unattractive woman: Even the tide wouldn't take her out.

Re unattractive man: He'd struggle to turn on a light switch.

The Volt

About a tight woman: Moses couldn't part her legs!

Dummy

"May the fleas of a thousand camels, forever infest your armpits".

Note: Included inverted commas to ensure that everyone accepts it as a quotation and not directed at any of the upstanding law-abiding people of this fine establishment.

DrumSteve

In response to some slaggin:

"if i wanted a decent comeback Id wipe your mothers chin"

mcdoogle

From overheard in Dublin a few years back, dude chatting up a fat bird clearly not into him -

Her - "cant you see by my body language that I'm clearly not into you?"

Him - taking a step back, "Sorry it's like standing too close to a wide screen TV, you don't get the full effect."

Bearhunter

A girl once roared across a crowded street at me: "Jaysus, if me dog looked like you I'd shave his arse and teach him to walk backwards."

Took me a fair while to get the confidence back after that.

And one of my favourites, from my favourite poem:



'May the itching piles torment you, may corns grow on your feet,
'May crabs as big as spiders attack your balls a treat,
'Then when you're down and outed, to a hopeless bloody wreck,
'May you slip back through your arsehole, and break your ****ing neck.'

immature ejaculation

your mamma is sooo fat she downloaded cheats for wii fit!

thee glitz

She is attractive, just not in the traditional sense.

immature ejaculation

if he had two brains he'd be twice as thick!

randy hickey

If there was work in bed, he'd lie on the floor!

YumDeiseMum

What are you going to do for a face when the baboon wants its ass back?

silverharp

try that again and I'll hit you so hard you'll be stopped for speeding in Ardee.

WesternNight

I was once called "Eurotrash" by a random American online out of absolutely nowhere. I giggled.

f1dan

About an unattractive woman: "I wouldn't ride her into battle"

AngryHippie

If I had a garden full of mickeys I wouldn't let her look over the wall

that will be all

mountainy man

"She has a face on her like a melted welly":D

DublinWriter

Gimme that moustache and I'll grow it properly for ya.

worded

The head on you and the price of turnips.

Improbable

You look like you belong in an advertisement for abortion.

matt-dublin

even the tide wouldn't take her out

kcools

If it was raining mickeys she still wouldn't get it.

Brendog

Friend: God! I hate that fat bitch, shes so annoying! I hope she kills herself.
Me: Thats not nice. She can't kill ALL of herself
Friend: She needs an astroid belt to keep her jeans up
Fat Chick: Are talking to me?
Friend: ...said the Loch Ness Monster


Fat chick runs away.....:cool:

bigtuna

she/he should have been swallowed at conception

nachoman

I was in Bagdad when you were in yer dad's bag!

to any younger know it alls out there.

pwd

there's a smell of you off sh!t

nicndec

I wouldn't w@nk into a shoe and kick it into her!

A Sniper wouldn't take her out!

You wouldn't get up on her to get over a wall!

I wouldn't touch her with a stolen mickey!

If my dog had a face like yours I'd shave it's @rse and teach it to walk backwards!

D'Agger

You're nothing but a knee!

What's that?

About 3feet lower than a cúnt

(apologies for the c word but the comebacks solid!)

pwd

PaulieC wrote: »

You're nothing but a knee!

What's that?

About 3feet lower than a cúnt

(apologies for the c word but the comebacks solid!)

funny for the wrong reason, unless you are very very very tall woman.

randy hickey

That reminds me. She has a face like an elephant's knee!

randy hickey

Delivered in good Dublin accent;" If they were to turn you upside down and shake ya, all the bleedin willies would fall out!"

Noopti

bigtuna wrote: »

she/he should have been swallowed at conception

That...doesn't make sense.

Grudaire

Noopti wrote: »

That...doesn't make sense.

I think bigtuna either needs sex ed classes, or to stop watching pr0n

:pac:

BrokenArrows

Noopti wrote: »

That...doesn't make sense.

"Your face doesnt make sense!".

the response when anyone says you're not making sense.

cam1452

id trag me mickey threw 2 miles of broken glass just to **** ur shoe

derra_121

Some knackers on the 27 bus to a bunch of rocker/long haired/goth lads " youve got a Head on you like Partick Swayze"

jimbling

Friend making a comment about the girl he had just spent the night with.

"She had a face like a bucket of smashed crabs"

Chewabacca

"I wouldn't give her the steam of my piss"

tuff1

i wouldn't ride her for practice :P

Mankyspuds

If I had a bag of langers I still wouldnt give her one!!

anthonymax

"Your mother's from Killucan!"

"No she's not,your's is!"

stemah

Yer ma is so fat, when she fell down the stairs I thought EastEnders was ending!!!

blastman

I don't go round to where you work and knock sailor's cocks out of your mouth.

(said by Jimmy Carr to a member of the audience in the Olympia last year after they had complained he re-used one of his jokes )

bigdogbarking

"If you had no feet, would you wear socks?
Then why the f*ck do you wear a bra!"

viper.10

she has a head on her like a boiled sh*te

Dark_by_Dezign

your the shot your mother should have swallowed

Uncle Spunk

One of my favs when slagging mates for being weak:

You couldn't kill a good Sunday dinner

Screaminmidget

dont be getting snappy at me just because your mother sells big issue magazines.

Very good when slagging eastern europeans :D

AWard

Most likely these are very particular to the states, and are NOT directed at anyone here:

In order to haul ass, you'd have to make two trips.

A woman who found out I was pregnant with my fourth child: "Haven't you ever heard of birth control?"

Me: "No, but your parents should have.."

Trout's father's line: "he has a face like a plate full of mortal sins..." I fell out laughing at that one...

Couldn't find their ass with a flashlight and a road map...

You're the world's only living brain donor...

Some village has been deprived of its idiot

You're out of your depth in a parking lot puddle...

dexter647

There's only two things that come from wexford... Strawberries and knackers and you don't look like a strawberry:D:D

matt-dublin

Holy sh1t! Lancelot wouldn't even ride her into battle!!