Problem with ex and child.

LegacyUser

Hi,

Just wondering if anyone knows if my ex has to pay towards extra curricular activities, child minding and scool fees for our child. He is currently paying maintence of €60 pw and has one of his familly mind the child two days a week when I'm at work. He also takes the child 2 day a week himself.

Also is €60 a week adequet? He is not on a high wage (€20,000 per year) and has a mortage etc but I have not brought him to court yet, so I have no idea what he should be paying. He was giving me €90 but said he had to reduce it as he could not afford to keep paying me that much.

angelfire9

I know of a case where maintenance was court ordered at €30 per week where the father had high earnings but also MASSIVE expenditure
if you are recieving maintenance I wouldn't expect money for extra curriculars as well after all they are optional expenses on your part
but that's just my opinion!

Nevyn

Maintance is a payment towards the over all cost of rearing the child, ie everything.
If you are not happy then took at dicussing increasing it as children do get more costly as they get older.

Mrs B

angelfire9 is right extra curriculars are optional expenses on your part.
unless they are agreed in advanced with your ex, i wouldnt ask for the extra money..

jessiejam

What are your circumstances?
As in do you pay a mortgage etc?
You work full time so are you in reciept of any SW payment or fis?
I think based on his income what he gives you is more than fair. He also minds the child for you 4 days per week saving you childcare costs.

And no he shouldn't have to give you more for extra curricular activites.
Thats your choice

Judging by your post he and his family have the child 4 days per week, so shouldn't you be the one paying him maintenence?

If you put €60 towards her keep also do you think €120 is enough to feed and clothe your child every week?

I think so
My advice is to stay out of the courts unless he gives you nothing and starts messing you around
When the judge sees his expenses its highly likely you will end up with less.

LegacyUser

Thank you for all your replies.

I have a motagage too and work part time. I get single mothers etc. His family take the child durring the day 1 and a half days and he takes 2 day/nights. I have sent him a solicitors letter for payment of half extra curricular activites ans school fee's for the amount of €575. Do you think this is unfair?
He did try to talk to me about it and said he was giving me money weekly already and I told him I did not want to discuss it and I wanted him to e-mail me so I had everything in writing. When he didn't email me I reffered it to my solicitor.

Stheno

Does his family/him taking the child cover your childcare costs if you work part time?

Tbh I think you are being excessive in your demands considering his income and the fact that for four daytimes a week the child is in his/the care of his family along with the two nights, as well as providing €60 a week to cover the maintenace of the child for the rest of the week.

As others have said the extra curricular activities are your choice not his.

Mrs B

I really can't see you getting any extra for the extra curricular activities that's why they are called extra !! They are not essential, in my hubbies maintenance the cost of school is added, but he does not pay toward and extra activities unless he has been asked and agreed between himself and his ex.

metrovelvet

Keep all your receipts for everything, to be later included in expenses should court or mediation pop up.

You have the child for 3 and a half days, is that right?

astra2000

Hi op 60 euro sounds fair enough considering his wages court might put it at less. It sounds like He is taking his role as a father seriously by helping sorting out child care and having regular access do not jepordise this by making requests he can not meet. If you cannot afford extra curricular activities then cut back it is not the end of the world if they cant go to all they want to, I would imagine an amicable relationship between parents is more important.

angelfire9

Unsure123 wrote: »

Thank you for all your replies.

I have a motagage too and work part time. I get single mothers etc. His family take the child durring the day 1 and a half days and he takes 2 day/nights. I have sent him a solicitors letter for payment of half extra curricular activites ans school fee's for the amount of €575. Do you think this is unfair?
He did try to talk to me about it and said he was giving me money weekly already and I told him I did not want to discuss it and I wanted him to e-mail me so I had everything in writing. When he didn't email me I reffered it to my solicitor.

Bloody hell l you don't waste time do you? Did you actually sit down and discuss this with the dad before you sent off the solicitors letter? It appears a bit harsh IMHO and referring him back to the solicitor when he tried to talk to you is a bit silly I think
all that will do is get his back up, you will end up with a massive solicitor's bill and probably reduced maintenance if it goes to court!!

Presumably you get the Back to School Allowance which is €200 towards the cost of books etc for school? If you are looking for another €200+ for extra curriculars i'm sorry if this seems harsh but I think you are living in dreamland!!

It is also worth remembering that having a good relationship between parents benefits a child in ways that cannot be measured financially and will certainly pay off in the long term far more than any dance/music/drama/sports lessons you are paying for right now!!

tenchi-fan

If he agreed to pay €60 a week, it should cover everything. It will be up to you to save some of it for when larger bills are due.

On his salary, the maintenance will reflect what he can afford to give.
I'll just say it's not all about what you can get from him. I think his relationship with his child is more important.

Also, between him and his family they take the child for half the week (yet you receive the child benefit and one parent family benefit!) and I could guess they spend even more on the child during this time. This arrangement also enables you to work and provide for your child.

I don't know if you ever worked for €20k but it really isn't a lot of money. If he forks over €3k, after paying a mortgage and bills and tax he could be on the breadline.

tenchi-fan

angelfire9 wrote: »

all that will do is get his back up, you will end up with a massive solicitor's bill and probably reduced maintenance if it goes to court!!

I know a lot of single mothers who claim benefits qualify for legal aid.

Unfortunately the father on his €20k less €3120 maintenance will not be so lucky. He will either commit to something in writing without obtaining legal advice or he will impoverish himself by paying legal fees.

I think the op is going about this all wrong by pursing legal channels. I think she should leave the father of the child with some dignity.

Kingpin187

Father arranges childminding so you can work, then takes the wee one a further 2 days himself, pays weekly maintenance (not including extra food, treats, "extra curricular" activities for them aswell), and you are mad at this??

From what ive read at least, he is doing a damn good job being a non-resident parent.

I have a 4 year old from previous relationship and sometimes bend over backwards to keep the mother happy just so things go smoothly. She asked for a monthly maintenance figure when we split which I accepted, and to be fair its unchanged for the last nearly 3 years, although if she needs new clothes etc I'll give her what she needs.

Give the guy a break, and talk to him about your concerns and reach agreements between yourselves, courts and solicitors arent the way to go in your situation (in my opinion).. as the dad is obv doing his fair share

LegacyUser

My ex is on double the wage of your ex, and I get €100 a week, which we both think is fair.

Seeking €575 from a guy on a low wage, who is stepping up to the plate regarding childcare and access is very unfair imo.

Big Bag of Chips

How did you come up with the figure of €575? Did you do an actual speadsheet or did you just make it up, because you think that's what's fair?

You need to sit down and do a real and genuine spreadsheet of the cost of your child - you cannot add extra curricular activities to that, it is YOUR decision to send your child to these extras, so unles you've discussed it with your ex before hand he is not obliged to pay.

The 2 days he has a family member mind your dd.. do you know does he give them any sort of payment for this? Have you asked? Are you just assuming he doesn't? If he does pay something, then he is sorting out childcare/payment on HIS time (even though it's actually YOUR time !!), so it's up to you to find and fund childcare on YOUR time.

I think the treoir website (www.treoir.ie) has a detailed spreadsheet for calculating expenses and maintenance, but the site is under construction at the moment and forms can't be downloaded. Maybe have a look at it over the next few days.

Going the legal route is wrong, wrong WRONG, if it can be avoided, and by the sounds of your ex, it could easily have been avoided in this case. You are now going to have much much less money that you started out with. His maintenance payment may will be lessened. And you will also have to pay a solicitor a couple of thousand.

My advice, contact the solicitor NOW - tell him you won't be needing his services anymore. Pay him what you owe him up to this, and then contact your ex. Apologise for your "moment of madness" and then sit down and try discuss things together.

LegacyUser

Thanks for replies.
I worked the days out wrong . It actually works out that I have the child 4 and a half days and he has 2 and a half (family member for 2 half days and he does 1 and a half days a week). The odd time if I'm stuck and every second bank holiday he does.

My ex-lives with his partner and they are getting married so they can't be stuck for money. I don't live with my boyfriend so there is only one income. He says he shouldn't have to contribute to my bills as he is there to pay towards the child only, but she needs a roof over her head!
He just suggests moving somewhere cheaper!!

Regarding the solicitor, he is my dad's solicitor so I don't have to pay for that.

Mrs B

Aw so maybe thats the reason why you think you should be asking for extra money, because your ex & his partner are getting married !!!

If you were not married to your ex, he does not have to maintain you,
only his child.. the money he gives you for his child, includes food, heat, clothes etc.. just because you do not live with your boyfriend that has nothing to do with your ex, and i agree with your ex that he shouldnt have to give you any more towards the running of your house, €60 a week is enough to maintain his child..

LegacyUser

Ah, it seems to me that them getting married is the issue for you. If they were able to raise the money to get married that you "deserve" a cut?

On his money, I'm sure it's not going to be an extravagant wedding and he is perfectly entitled to marry his new partner.

From your description he sounds like a good father who is doing his bit well and providing for his child. Do not be greedy (or envious)

LegacyUser

I also forgot to mention that I also asked the solicitor to put in the letter that I want ex to take our child every second weekend for the whole weekend instead of one day at the weekend which is the current arrangement.
I think this will be better for everyone. When I e-mailed him about it he said that he didn't want to do that as he preffered to see child every weekend.
Then had the cheek to say he would take child full time if I had such a problem with money and doing erverything!

LegacyUser

Actually I couldn't give a stuff about him getting married.
All I care about is my child and our home.
Why does it matter if we were not married he should still be paying to keep a roof over our childs head. Our child needs food, esb, gas and clothes when at my house. I've had problem with my car lately which I had to pay for.
He thinks because I get single mothers allowance etc and work part time that I should be able to save some of his €60 to spend on scool fees, camps, BRACES??? ( child is only in primary school a year and he expects me to save for braces!!!)etc.
He even had the nerve to question that I go out the night he has child at weekends and go on holiday once a bloody year.... just because I asked him for some help to pay for summer camps for our child!
He said that he cant afford to be going out or away so he wont pay for me to! For god sake sometimes I think he has no idea what children cost!
I even gave brakedown of what camps cost and told him that I need to send child so I can work those days. He is always so unreasonable, he has no idea what I have to do for child all the time... I do way more, and don't ask for much from him even though I should.

astra2000

To be honest you sound like you are on a mission to make things more difficult to make things more difficult for your ex.It makes sense for him to see his child every weekend and keep their bond strong. This is not about you it is about what is best for the child I don't mean to sound harsh but you need to realise that. How will you manage if you upset your ex and his family member stops been available for childcare that might end up costing you more in the long term. What is your income you say you work and get lone parents? The roof over your childs head is also your own which you would need even if you did not have a chid. You have a mortgage so you will own the home one day would you like your ex to try and claim a share on it seeing as your so adamate he contribute to it. You are making your daughter sound like a burden no wonder your ex offered to have her. Calm down accept he is been more than fair and move on

The Corinthian

I think at this stage, despite your repeated qualifications, the response you're getting should have driven home that maybe you're not doing the right thing.

Your ex is under no obligation to pay towards your upkeep if you were never married; only his child's. If you have shelled out for extra-curricular activities, then those is your choice unless you came to a mutual agreement on them. If you have a car, that is your car and your financial problem too.

Indeed, if you told a judge that you have car expenses and it turns out he can't afford to have a car the judge would likely go through you for a shortcut.

That he may have money to get married is irrelevant as he is entitled to be able to spend money on himself. If he were to go on holiday six times a year a judge may well agree with you, but the courts accept that everyone is entitled to a quality of life and as long as the child is adequately cared for he is entitled to his. Your own quality of life is your problem.

If you do way more for your child, that's also irrelevant. Being a custodial parent is a vocation not a job and equating what you "do for the child" with some form of financial remuneration sounds like you want a salary.

Ultimately, he's on 20k a year and that is frankly a pittance; €60 p.w. and including child care and overnights would almost certainly be seen as very generous - even before we begin to consider his personal costs.

My gut feeling is that if it went to court, unless he is very naive or gullible or simply fearful of conflict, you will end up on the losing end on this. Additionally, being brought to court - especially for something that he will undoubtedly be told by others (as you have here) is unjust - will sour your working relationship for a long time to come.

Please reconsider your present course of action. It does not end well for anyone, least of all your child, IMHO.

Neyite

Unsure123 wrote: »

Actually I couldn't give a stuff about him getting married.
All I care about is my child and our home.
Why does it matter if we were not married he should still be paying to keep a roof over our childs head. Our child needs food, esb, gas and clothes when at my house. I've had problem with my car lately which I had to pay for.
He thinks because I get single mothers allowance etc and work part time that I should be able to save some of his €60 to spend on scool fees, camps, BRACES??? ( child is only in primary school a year and he expects me to save for braces!!!)etc.
He even had the nerve to question that I go out the night he has child at weekends and go on holiday once a bloody year.... just because I asked him for some help to pay for summer camps for our child!
He said that he cant afford to be going out or away so he wont pay for me to! For god sake sometimes I think he has no idea what children cost!
I even gave brakedown of what camps cost and told him that I need to send child so I can work those days. He is always so unreasonable, he has no idea what I have to do for child all the time... I do way more, and don't ask for much from him even though I should.

if your ex is on 20k, then he is coming out with about 1500 after taxes. of this he gives you 320 a month, and saves you money on childcare by arranging a family member mind your child so you can work. he is not responsible for your car, or your bills. he is responsible for the child. not you.

does your boyfriend stay over from time to time - is he asked to contribute to your bills? if not, why not? surely he uses the houshold resources on proportionatly?

if i were him i would question why you can afford to go out every weekend and holidays every year - because he cant. if you think you have a right to have a say in how the remaining €1180 he has left to last him the month is spent, then by the same token, he has every right to ask how you spend yours. are you prepared to detail how much you spend every single weekend on a night out? or how much your holidays cost?

Mrs B

Unsure123 wrote: »

Actually I couldn't give a stuff about him getting married.
All I care about is my child and our home.
Why does it matter if we were not married he should still be paying to keep a roof over our childs head. Our child needs food, esb, gas and clothes when at my house. I've had problem with my car lately which I had to pay for.
He thinks because I get single mothers allowance etc and work part time that I should be able to save some of his €60 to spend on scool fees, camps, BRACES??? ( child is only in primary school a year and he expects me to save for braces!!!)etc.
He even had the nerve to question that I go out the night he has child at weekends and go on holiday once a bloody year.... just because I asked him for some help to pay for summer camps for our child!
He said that he cant afford to be going out or away so he wont pay for me to! For god sake sometimes I think he has no idea what children cost!
I even gave brakedown of what camps cost and told him that I need to send child so I can work those days. He is always so unreasonable, he has no idea what I have to do for child all the time... I do way more, and don't ask for much from him even though I should.

Of course he has to maintain his child, but it seems like you think he has to maintain you too.. did you ask him to pay for your car too when you had to get it fixed?? you say your child is in primary school therefore going by what I pay for my child who is also in primary it is around €200 if even that to send them to school.. that is 200/52 weeks is 3.85 a week divided by yourself & your ex is just say 2.00 a week, im sure you could save 2.00 out of his maintanence & put it up for back to school.. plus id say you are recieving back to school allowance too which is €200... so where are you comming up with the fiqure of over €500...... the likes of camps etc you do not need to send the child to them... i really think you are being very unreasonable...

Stheno

If your child is such a burden to you then why don't you take up your ex's offer to have the child full time and you give up the lone parents, the child benefit, and get a job full time and pay HIM maintenance?

metrovelvet

Unsure123 wrote: »

Actually I couldn't give a stuff about him getting married.
All I care about is my child and our home.
Why does it matter if we were not married he should still be paying to keep a roof over our childs head. Our child needs food, esb, gas and clothes when at my house. I've had problem with my car lately which I had to pay for.
He thinks because I get single mothers allowance etc and work part time that I should be able to save some of his €60 to spend on scool fees, camps, BRACES??? ( child is only in primary school a year and he expects me to save for braces!!!)etc.
He even had the nerve to question that I go out the night he has child at weekends and go on holiday once a bloody year.... just because I asked him for some help to pay for summer camps for our child!
He said that he cant afford to be going out or away so he wont pay for me to! For god sake sometimes I think he has no idea what children cost!
I even gave brakedown of what camps cost and told him that I need to send child so I can work those days. He is always so unreasonable, he has no idea what I have to do for child all the time... I do way more, and don't ask for much from him even though I should.

No, 60E doesn't go far. That's true. But you can write all the letters you want and go to great expense for court and you might do better,you might. But you might do worse and then you'll have to go to the circuit court which requires a barrister and that's more money.

So, you will have to make your own sacrifices it seems. I haven't been out to a movie or drinks since 2006. That's my sacrifice. And I still struggle.

Such is life.

LegacyUser

'And you will also have to pay a solicitor a couple of thousand.'

Someone said that above, and it's BS. I've been to family law court 4 times now, and the most a solc has ever cost me was 400euro and I work f/t, with no SW etc.

I was waiting for 'single parents on SW' brigade to attack the OP on this one, and I'm not far wrong. And the 'fathers of unmarried children' brigade. Please keep in mind that not all fathers have the interest in their children that some fathers have. There are alot who don't want relationships with their kids, have 'relationships' with the kids to appease the mother (which are of no value to the child), contribute nothing etc. However, men like them are not going to be on internet websites talking about their rights because they don't give a damn.

I'm laughing at those of you who say 'It's YOUR choice to put your child into extra-curricular activities, not your ex-partners'.

Joining the local soccer team (160pa), swimmin lessons (7pw), or going to cubs/girl guides (5pw)...

All of these extra curricular activities are things that MOST children do nowadays...we all do it for the betterment of our children. To encourage their social skills, to give them a keen interest in sport etc. To say it's entirely the mothers 'choice' here, is very unfair. The child is doing these activities for various reasons, and the child of a single parent should not be penalised because their father won't contribute to the cost of these quite basic, extra curricular activities.

I don't know ONE child who doesn't do something at least one day after shool, or on a saturday morning. Not all children live in a home where there's a garden or a green area to play, to these activities (soccer for example) are a huge factor in their lives.

Having said that, I'm not sure where the figure of 575 comes from.

I am a single parent with one child, who's father is not involved. I get 75pw from her father which goes nowhere near the cost of her upkeep. But 60pw with the father and his family involved, sounds fair to me.

angelfire9

Since I lost my job my hubby and I are struggling to get by on one income we haven't had a holiday in 2 years we don't go out at all because we can't afford to.

When money is tight you should get your priorities straight our daughter didn't go to any summer camps this year because we can't afford it it's as simple as that

if you are living beyond your means you need to deal with that and asking your ex to cough up €575 for discretionary expenses is unfair and unrealistic

aDeener

Unsure123 wrote: »

Thank you for all your replies.

I have a motagage too and work part time. I get single mothers etc. His family take the child durring the day 1 and a half days and he takes 2 day/nights. I have sent him a solicitors letter for payment of half extra curricular activites ans school fee's for the amount of €575. Do you think this is unfair?
He did try to talk to me about it and said he was giving me money weekly already and I told him I did not want to discuss it and I wanted him to e-mail me so I had everything in writing. When he didn't email me I reffered it to my solicitor.

not only unfair but downright nasty, leave the man alone he is giving you more than enough

metrovelvet

unregistered wrote: »

'And you will also have to pay a solicitor a couple of thousand.'

Someone said that above, and it's BS. I've been to family law court 4 times now, and the most a solc has ever cost me was 400euro and I work f/t, with no SW etc.

I was waiting for 'single parents on SW' brigade to attack the OP on this one, and I'm not far wrong. And the 'fathers of unmarried children' brigade. Please keep in mind that not all fathers have the interest in their children that some fathers have. There are alot who don't want relationships with their kids, have 'relationships' with the kids to appease the mother (which are of no value to the child), contribute nothing etc. However, men like them are not going to be on internet websites talking about their rights because they don't give a damn.

I'm laughing at those of you who say 'It's YOUR choice to put your child into extra-curricular activities, not your ex-partners'.

Joining the local soccer team (160pa), swimmin lessons (7pw), or going to cubs/girl guides (5pw)...

All of these extra curricular activities are things that MOST children do nowadays...we all do it for the betterment of our children. To encourage their social skills, to give them a keen interest in sport etc. To say it's entirely the mothers 'choice' here, is very unfair. The child is doing these activities for various reasons, and the child of a single parent should not be penalised because their father won't contribute to the cost of these quite basic, extra curricular activities.

I don't know ONE child who doesn't do something at least one day after shool, or on a saturday morning. Not all children live in a home where there's a garden or a green area to play, to these activities (soccer for example) are a huge factor in their lives.

Having said that, I'm not sure where the figure of 575 comes from.

I am a single parent with one child, who's father is not involved. I get 75pw from her father which goes nowhere near the cost of her upkeep. But 60pw with the father and his family involved, sounds fair to me.

I particularly found the car thing very funny. If you live outside of DUblin, and probably within areas of Dublin too, you have to have a car, and arguably it is necessary for the car of a child or you cant take the child to school or the doctor.

The alternative is to take taxis to school and back and doctors appointments and split the difference with the father. How would he like those apples?

Ive seen some really horrifying figures for primary school and they range dramatically.

As for extracurricular activities, things like swimming are pretty reasonable to accept as unextravagant and pretty standard.

boarduser1980

you are lucky you are getting any money from your ex. look at the hundreds of girls who get no maintenance at all. fella ups and leaves and doesnt give a **** about the child.
count yourself lucky your getting something.

The Corinthian

angelfire9 wrote: »

When money is tight you should get your priorities straight our daughter didn't go to any summer camps this year because we can't afford it it's as simple as that

This is a very good point. Couples economize when the money is not there and realistically the same is applicable to parents who are not together because money does not grow on trees (or non-custodial parents) - I just don't think this has registered with the OP. Additionally, I get the impression - despite her protestations - that there's a bit of a personal vendetta angle there too.

astra2000

unregistered wrote: »

I was waiting for 'single parents on SW' brigade to attack the OP on this one, and I'm not far wrong.

I am a single parent with one child, who's father is not involved. I get 75pw from her father which goes nowhere near the cost of her upkeep. But 60pw with the father and his family involved, sounds fair to me.

Nobody has attacked the op or made anything of the fact that she is on social welfare I for one am not envious of her position or yours as a single parent it is obviously a tough position to be in so why would I envy the lone parents allowance you are entitled to?
You get e75 per week from your ex are you really saying that if you contributed another e75 it would not cover her upkeep. We have 3 children and there is no way anything like e450 is spent on them per week. Of course afterschool activities are the norm but if people cant afford them then they cant send their kids to them hard and all as this is. The majority of parents have to sacrafice things for their children such is life.

metrovelvet

astra2000 wrote: »

Nobody has attacked the op or made anything of the fact that she is on social welfare I for one am not envious of her position or yours as a single parent it is obviously a tough position to be in so why would I envy the lone parents allowance you are entitled to?
You get e75 per week from your ex are you really saying that if you contributed another e75 it would not cover her upkeep. We have 3 children and there is no way anything like e450 is spent on them per week. Of course afterschool activities are the norm but if people cant afford them then they cant send their kids to them hard and all as this is. The majority of parents have to sacrafice things for their children such is life.

How much are three kids? Including extra bedrooms, extra laundry, extra electricity, extra food, extra health insurance, clothes, etc, extra big car to fir them, which means more road tax, extra books, extra uniforms, etc.

astra2000

metrovelvet wrote: »

How much are three kids? Including extra bedrooms, extra laundry, extra electricity, extra food, extra health insurance, clothes, etc, extra big car to fir them, which means more road tax, extra books, extra uniforms, etc.

Well not e450 per week other wise mortgage woulld not be paid. Bought house before we had any kids so that is not an issue. normal cars do us would have this with or without kids. Have health ins only because it a perk of husbands employment would not be able to afford it otherwise, like many other people I presume. I genuiely do not know the cost and am not really interested to this is our family and I dont want to measure them in monetary terms all I know is it is not e450 per week or even near, and we have a good quality of life sure there are more things it would be lovely to do but there are also things we could cut back on if we had to. Like you mentioned about yourself socialising is rare but thats life!

bambera

metrovelvet wrote: »

The alternative is to take taxis to school and back and doctors appointments and split the difference with the father. How would he like those apples?

What's wrong with the bus?

metrovelvet

astra2000 wrote: »

Well not e450 per week other wise mortgage woulld not be paid. Bought house before we had any kids so that is not an issue. normal cars do us would have this with or without kids. Have health ins only because it a perk of husbands employment would not be able to afford it otherwise, like many other people I presume. I genuiely do not know the cost and am not really interested to this is our family and I dont want to measure them in monetary terms all I know is it is not e450 per week or even near, and we have a good quality of life sure there are more things it would be lovely to do but there are also things we could cut back on if we had to. Like you mentioned about yourself socialising is rare but thats life!

I realise that. But you have to include them in the cost of keeping the size house you have, and in your electricity and when they are older, phone bills [especially if you have girls!]

They are part of why you cant afford to go out. If you had a smaller mortgage then you could afford other things. But you dont, because you need the space.

astra2000

metrovelvet wrote: »

I realise that. But you have to include them in the cost of keeping the size house you have, and in your electricity and when they are older, phone bills [especially if you have girls!]

They are part of why you cant afford to go out. If you had a smaller mortgage then you could afford other things. But you dont, because you need the space.

Due to certain circumstances this will always be our home we knew this from the outset so regardless of if we had or didnt have children house size was never a factor. Our mortgage could not be smaller got in before the boom so lucky there. Kids are allowed to top up e20 per month have free texts they dont need any more.
What do you believe it would cost to keep 3 kids per week just curious?

metrovelvet

bambera wrote: »

What's wrong with the bus?

There are none outside of Dublin.

metrovelvet

astra2000 wrote: »

Due to certain circumstances this will always be our home we knew this from the outset so regardless of if we had or didnt have children house size was never a factor. Our mortgage could not be smaller got in before the boom so lucky there. Kids are allowed to top up e20 per month have free texts they dont need any more.
What do you believe it would cost to keep 3 kids per week just curious?

I have no idea. That's why I asked you.

If you need a four bedroomed house, have three or four times as much laundry , three times as school fees, books, uniforms, more school runs, etc, and you tot it all up I wonder what the weekly amount comes out to.

StillWaters

metrovelvet wrote: »

There are none outside of Dublin.

Of course there are buses outside Dublin. If OP is living in a small town, not large enough for buses, it is likely they are within walking distance of schools/doctors etc., to say a car is a necessity which must be contributed to/upkept by the ex is absurd.

And OP why are you talking about braces? Surely your child is too young for them, so you two are just bickering over things that have not happened.

metrovelvet

StillWaters wrote: »

Of course there are buses outside Dublin. If OP is living in a small town, not large enough for buses, it is likely they are within walking distance of schools/doctors etc., to say a car is a necessity which must be contributed to/upkept by the ex is absurd.

And OP why are you talking about braces? Surely your child is too young for them, so you two are just bickering over things that have not happened.

Where I live you need a car. There are no buses. And I am not in walking distance to the doctor or most schools or the supermarket.

And many many people are the same outside of Dublin. A car is a necessity outside of Dublin.

Where do you get the idea they are" likely within walking distance"? Not at all.

astra2000

metrovelvet wrote: »

Where I live you need a car. There are no buses. And I am not in walking distance to the doctor or most schools or the supermarket.

And many many people are the same outside of Dublin. A car is a necessity outside of Dublin.

Where do you get the idea they are" likely within walking distance"? Not at all.

I agree with you there I could not manage without a car where I live but that is not an expense of having children Most people who have cars require them regardless of having childre or not. We can not put all of our living expenses down to having children.

metrovelvet

astra2000 wrote: »

I agree with you there I could not manage without a car where I live but that is not an expense of having children Most people who have cars require them regardless of having childre or not. We can not put all of our living expenses down to having children.

I certainly need one more with a child than without one. School runs, grocery shopping,doctor and hospital visits. I could manage on my own without a car. No way can I with one. Well I could but I'd be running up a pretty big taxi bill.

Also if I didnt have a child, I could be less picky about housing and live more centrally or in Dublin and then I wouldnt need a car at all. So while not a direct expense, [I see your last point], for me anyway, it is certainly a bi product expense - if that make sense.

LegacyUser

astra2000 wrote: »

Nobody has attacked the op or made anything of the fact that she is on social welfare I for one am not envious of her position or yours as a single parent it is obviously a tough position to be in so why would I envy the lone parents allowance you are entitled to?
You get e75 per week from your ex are you really saying that if you contributed another e75 it would not cover her upkeep. We have 3 children and there is no way anything like e450 is spent on them per week. Of course afterschool activities are the norm but if people cant afford them then they cant send their kids to them hard and all as this is. The majority of parents have to sacrafice things for their children such is life.

YES, I am ABSOLUTELY saying that I contribute much, more more than 75pw to her life.

People have talked about choices here.
I made a choice to buy a home with a garden a few years ago - so that she would have a garden to play in. I choose not to buy an apartment on the 3rd floor of a city centre apartment block, that was 75grand cheaper, because what quality of life would she have had there?
Had I not had a child, I would have bought that cheaper apartment in the blink of an eye! Single girl, no kids, city centre, happy days!!

So you cannot say that I made my choice and so I must pay for that choice (larger mortgage) without looking at the facts surrounding the choices myself, and others in my situation make.

I am not eligible for Sw as I work f/t - on a low wage, but just high enough to pay for childcare and mortgage and some extra curricular activities for her (swimming lessons and soccer). Back to school this week was 302euro. That's not including the 75euro I have to pay on the 1st September. Nor the uniform. So give or take, that 500e I am paying this month alone, on nothing other than getting her back to school. When you average this 500 out over the year, and also add doctors bill (5 visits this year for her, 5 antibiotics, 50 for doctor 15 for prescription each time, that's another 325) and also add food/clothes etc etc I can tell you that I spend way WAY more than 75euro per week on her!!!

metrovelvet

unregistered wrote: »

YES, I am ABSOLUTELY saying that I contribute much, more more than 75pw to her life.

People have talked about choices here.
I made a choice to buy a home with a garden a few years ago - so that she would have a garden to play in. I choose not to buy an apartment on the 3rd floor of a city centre apartment block, that was 75grand cheaper, because what quality of life would she have had there?
Had I not had a child, I would have bought that cheaper apartment in the blink of an eye! Single girl, no kids, city centre, happy days!!

So you cannot say that I made my choice and so I must pay for that choice (larger mortgage) without looking at the facts surrounding the choices myself, and others in my situation make.

I am not eligible for Sw as I work f/t - on a low wage, but just high enough to pay for childcare and mortgage and some extra curricular activities for her (swimming lessons and soccer). Back to school this week was 302euro. That's not including the 75euro I have to pay on the 1st September. Nor the uniform. So give or take, that 500e I am paying this month alone, on nothing other than getting her back to school. When you average this 500 out over the year, and also add doctors bill (5 visits this year for her, 5 antibiotics, 50 for doctor 15 for prescription each time, that's another 325) and also add food/clothes etc etc I can tell you that I spend way WAY more than 75euro per week on her!!!

I would spend a lot more than 75 a week on my three year old. So I believe you, but you're not going to get more money out of him.

astra2000

unregistered wrote: »

YES, I am ABSOLUTELY saying that I contribute much, more more than 75pw to her life.

People have talked about choices here.
I made a choice to buy a home with a garden a few years ago - so that she would have a garden to play in. I choose not to buy an apartment on the 3rd floor of a city centre apartment block, that was 75grand cheaper, because what quality of life would she have had there?
Had I not had a child, I would have bought that cheaper apartment in the blink of an eye! Single girl, no kids, city centre, happy days!!

So you cannot say that I made my choice and so I must pay for that choice (larger mortgage) without looking at the facts surrounding the choices myself, and others in my situation make.

I am not eligible for Sw as I work f/t - on a low wage, but just high enough to pay for childcare and mortgage and some extra curricular activities for her (swimming lessons and soccer). Back to school this week was 302euro. That's not including the 75euro I have to pay on the 1st September. Nor the uniform. So give or take, that 500e I am paying this month alone, on nothing other than getting her back to school. When you average this 500 out over the year, and also add doctors bill (5 visits this year for her, 5 antibiotics, 50 for doctor 15 for prescription each time, that's another 325) and also add food/clothes etc etc I can tell you that I spend way WAY more than 75euro per week on her!!!

Have you looked into getting a medical/gp card they take into account mortgage payments loans childcare costs etc when acessing you for it. You said in an earlier post you were getting single parents do you mean single parents tax allowance? We all want to give our children the best and of course this includes better housing. But op do you really think that your ex can afford more than e60 a week given that he is probably only taking home e300 to e350 per week? I find it extremely hard to believe that your child has to cost you more than e150 per week excluding mortgage payments given that I have 3 of my own and know the cost of kids. The child is not with you for 2 days so during that time you have no food/activity/utility expenses for her Tbh it sounds like your problem is with your ex been able to achieve things that you havent been.

metrovelvet

astra2000 wrote: »

Have you looked into getting a medical/gp card they take into account mortgage payments loans childcare costs etc when acessing you for it. You said in an earlier post you were getting single parents do you mean single parents tax allowance? We all want to give our children the best and of course this includes better housing. But op do you really think that your ex can afford more than e60 a week given that he is probably only taking home e300 to e350 per week? I find it extremely hard to believe that your child has to cost you more than e150 per week excluding mortgage payments given that I have 3 of my own and know the cost of kids.

But you dont know the costs of kids. You also live with another adult so you can split a lot of bills, like electricity and phone.

If you have a sick child that is a whole different set of expenses. Or different schools have different incurring costs, in terms of books and contributions. Or childcare costs. The costs are age dependent too. So you cant make a one size fits all declaration on this.

I know the guy may not be able to afford much more. But thats not much help when you get to the till at Tesco. The checkout lady doesnt ask you "thank you mam, how much can you afford to give us today?"

astra2000

metrovelvet wrote: »

But you dont know the costs of kids. You also live with another adult so you can split a lot of bills, like electricity and phone.

If you have a sick child that is a whole different set of expenses. Or different schools have different incurring costs, in terms of books and contributions. Or childcare costs. The costs are age dependent too. So you cant make a one size fits all declaration on this.

I know the guy may not be able to afford much more. But thats not much help when you get to the till at Tesco. The checkout lady doesnt ask you "thank you mam, how much can you afford to give us today?"

How can I split bills I have no income I am a stay at home parent as I said previously one person on the average wage pays for everything!!! our choice so I am not complaining just stating a fact 5 people one wage and we manage fine! I assume when you say I dont know the cost of kids it is because I said I dont really know exactly how much they cost us. as I have said i definetly know its not e450 possibly e100 a week each if that not including mortgage because that is an asset.

angelfire9

unregistered wrote: »

YES, I am ABSOLUTELY saying that I contribute much, more more than 75pw to her life.

People have talked about choices here.
I made a choice to buy a home with a garden a few years ago - so that she would have a garden to play in. I choose not to buy an apartment on the 3rd floor of a city centre apartment block, that was 75grand cheaper, because what quality of life would she have had there?
Had I not had a child, I would have bought that cheaper apartment in the blink of an eye! Single girl, no kids, city centre, happy days!!

So you cannot say that I made my choice and so I must pay for that choice (larger mortgage) without looking at the facts surrounding the choices myself, and others in my situation make.

I am not eligible for Sw as I work f/t - on a low wage, but just high enough to pay for childcare and mortgage and some extra curricular activities for her (swimming lessons and soccer). Back to school this week was 302euro. That's not including the 75euro I have to pay on the 1st September. Nor the uniform. So give or take, that 500e I am paying this month alone, on nothing other than getting her back to school. When you average this 500 out over the year, and also add doctors bill (5 visits this year for her, 5 antibiotics, 50 for doctor 15 for prescription each time, that's another 325) and also add food/clothes etc etc I can tell you that I spend way WAY more than 75euro per week on her!!!

Something here does not ring true
You have stated that you are in receipt of Lone Parents Benefit which is a payment of €225.80 per week (they deduct the maintenance from this I think so you probably get €60.00 maintenance and €165.80 LP)When you are in receipt of lone parents you should also be getting:

Back to school allowance payable if income is below €410.10 per week, this payment of €200.00 should pay alot of the school expenses in September


Medical Card (GP Visits) Payable to lone parents with income under €450.00 per week. You may even be entitled to a full medical card???

Did I not read that you are in receipt of Family Income Supplement as well? So you have an income (from work & DSCFA Payments) of circa €450.00 per week which is equivalent to €23,400 per annum which is more than your ex is getting paid!!!


From what I can see you want to have your cake & eat it too
Your ex should not have to pay extra to you so that you can maintain the lifestyle you have at the moment

In our household we have 2 cars as my husband works shifts I need a car to do every day things like school runs in winter, doctor visits, shopping etc. That's two cars to Tax & Insure every year. We also have Gas and ESB every month same as you, and both of us have mobiles and we have a house phone (Eircom), we bought our house at the height of the property boom with a mortgage to match! The hubby has medical insurance through work but it is deducted from his salary, his income has actually dropped in the last 2 years due to income levy, pension levy, health levy and when I lost my job we tightened our belts
We do alot of our shopping in Aldi these days!!!
As previously stated our daughter had no camps this summer cos we cant afford it


When you have little or no disposable income in a house you have to be able to give and take, you just seem to want to take!!!