If you were told to design a new contraceptive?

W.Shakes-Beer

Random thought, just in from long shift in work.

If I was asked to design a contraceptive it would be:

Do a shift in a video store on a saturday night before you have sex.


The amount of whinging, crying little shítes is a definate turn off!

Yours?

My name is URL

Anal

Gran Hermano

Mary Harney mask and body suit.

The_Kew_Tour

Up the Bum, no harm done.

Jesus Wept

Something involving lazers.

AckwelFoley

Dont shower.

Dont brust your teeth.

Eat Garlic.



The only chance you'll have of getting a woman pregnant is if you hit her sweet spot from 15 feet with an olympic standard aim

SEPT 23 1989

Susan Boyle would be the poster girl for the campaign

Mr. Rager

Metal condom. Gets the job done.

baltimore sun

I'd implant a chip in people's brains so that everytime they got the urge they'd see images of Auschwitz/Srebrenica/AIDs victimes etc in their mind

If you took a blast of that before you rode that munter nurse you met in coppers you'd save yourself the embarrassment of an awkward morning after coz you'd see all those horrible images you'd never get it up & if you could then you're one sick fuddermucker

sh1tstirrer

Burdizzo :eek:

Celly Smunt

a gel you rub on the top of your japper that when you spew it turns to rubber and collects it all up

Millicent

baltimore sun wrote: »

I'd implant a chip in people's brains so that everytime they got the urge they'd see images of Auschwitz/Srebrenica/AIDs victimes etc in their mind

If you took a blast of that before you rode that munter nurse you met in coppers you'd save yourself the embarrassment of an awkward morning after coz you'd see all those horrible images you'd never get it up & if you could then you're one sick fuddermucker

The flaw in this though is that only sick fuddermuckers would procreate thus creating a race of sick baby fuddermuckers destined to control the world. I prefer my fuddermuckers only slightly unhinged and adult-sized, thank you very much!

SoupyNorman

The withdrawal method.

How does it work?

The withdrawal method works by preventing the sperm from coming in contact with the unfertilized egg. After removing the penis, the man ejaculates away from his partner so that no semen enters the vagina.

Couldnt be simpler.

tony1kenobi

baltimore sun wrote: »

I'd implant a chip in people's brains so that everytime they got the urge they'd see images of Auschwitz/Srebrenica/AIDs victimes etc in their mind

If you took a blast of that before you rode that munter nurse you met in coppers you'd save yourself the embarrassment of an awkward morning after coz you'd see all those horrible images you'd never get it up & if you could then you're one sick fuddermucker

I have to think about those things just to muster a stiffy.....never mind maintain it.......try again.

mikom

W.Shakes-Beer wrote: »

If I was asked to design a contraceptive it would be:

Whatever you do, please design one better than the coil.
My missus was fitted with the coil as a contraceptive measure, and its useless
We're expecting a baby in the spring.

Ollchailin

mikom wrote: »

Whatever you do, please design one better than the coil.
My missus was fitted with the coil as a contraceptive measure, and its useless
We're expecting a baby in the spring.

Emmm.... congratulations???

mikom

Ollchailin wrote: »

Emmm.... congratulations???

Boinnng

445279.ie

work in family law for a while. T'would put anyone off procreation :eek:

elius

mikom wrote: »

Whatever you do, please design one better than the coil.
My missus was fitted with the coil as a contraceptive measure, and its useless
We're expecting a baby in the spring.

And the pill its a joke. My misses took her's religiously and we're expecting November :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:....

Though i cant help look forward to it to :):)

Get the snip... :pac::pac:

Ollchailin

I hope to have children some day, but having taught teenage boys for the last number of years- i have to say there is no greater contraceptive than some of those anti-Christs.

Seriously though, in this day and age, particularly in Ireland & other developed countries, I can't understand how so many teenage pregnancies/accidents occur. I know there'll always be a few "surprises" but it's so easy to get the pill & even easier to get condoms- it doesn't make sense, how stupid/irresponsible are people?! As I said, I know you can be as careful as possible & still get caught (mikom! ) and that's really difficult I'm sure, but as for the rest of them- I don't understand it!

Superbus

Everyone in morphsuits.

thetonynator

How about a pill that the woman takes which prevents her ovaries from producing eggs?

There are more than enough contraceptives,but alcohol/stupidity prevents them from working all the time. . .

elius

Ollchailin wrote: »

I hope to have children some day, but having taught teenage boys for the last number of years- i have to say there is no greater contraceptive than some of those anti-Christs.

Seriously though, in this day and age, particularly in Ireland & other developed countries, I can't understand how so many teenage pregnancies/accidents occur. I know there'll always be a few "surprises" but it's so easy to get the pill & even easier to get condoms- it doesn't make sense, how stupid/irresponsible are people?! As I said, I know you can be as careful as possible & still get caught (mikom! ) and that's really difficult I'm sure, but as for the rest of them- I don't understand it!

Thats what i thought

Capt'n Midnight

The morning after pill for men.

It changes your blood group.

tony1kenobi

mikom wrote: »

Whatever you do, please design one better than the coil.
My missus was fitted with the coil as a contraceptive measure, and its useless
We're expecting a baby in the spring.

Are you sure it's hers?

Rhyme

mikom wrote: »

Whatever you do, please design one better than the coil.
My missus was fitted with the coil as a contraceptive measure, and its useless
We're expecting a baby in the spring.

I dunno, slinkys are pretty hot.


/derp

mikom

tony1kenobi wrote: »

Are you sure it's hers?

Now you've got me thinkin'.
We were on the rebound, so anythings possible.

clived2

An alcoholic beverage for a lady,

It would save alot of timewasting, if ya could see which
ladies were drinking it at the bar

Einhard

Have your Mother in Law move into the next room.

ElaElaElano

Einhard wrote: »

Have your Mother in Law move into the next room.

Based on my last relationship, that wouldn't help in this scenario. AT ALL.

Einhard

ElaElaElano wrote: »

Based on my last relationship, that wouldn't help in this scenario. AT ALL.

That's just weird!!

I know the Irish mammy has a special place in the nation's heart but seriously...

ElaElaElano

Einhard wrote: »

That's just weird!!

I know the Irish mammy has a special place in the nation's heart but seriously...

Ah now, we weren't married. It was just my girlfriend's mother- milf of the century.

amacachi

adrian280582 wrote: »

Up the Bum, no harm done.

Up the fanny, your mother's a granny.

Einhard

ElaElaElano wrote: »

Ah now, we weren't married. It was just my girlfriend's mother- milf of the century.

Ah that's different then...

minidazzler

I like to call my method the "Swallow or it's going in your eye" method.

Quite effective so far!

gu10

vise grip

Cook!eMonster

all in one pyjamas

Khyra24

Make it a requirement for females to perform kegal exercises so much that they can squeeze and stop a man's climax.

caseyann

Drink ban

CathyMoran

Having a baby seems to work, both of us are too tired at the moment compared to what we were like before he was born...having said that he was planned and is very wanted and loved .

Overheal

works in alabama: http://www.japanairsoftguns.com/store/images/products/mkkt2shotgun.jpg

Mike 1972

thetonynator wrote: »

How about a pill that the woman takes which prevents her ovaries from producing eggs?

There are more than enough contraceptives,but alcohol/stupidity prevents them from working all the time. . .

The method you suggest while one of the better ones is not without its flaws

Doesnt suit some women i.e. older/smokers/susceptible to the side effects
The absent minded/forgetful mightnt take it as directed (Injectable/implantable contraceptives are better in this regard)
Not 100% effective
Not (currently) an option for blokes (much is made of women trusting blokes to take the male pill if there were such a thing but apart from this being based on the false assumption that its an either/or thing Why do we assume that blokes can trust women to take it......)

Dardania

The ideal contraceptive would be a non-invasive, easily reversible version of a vasectomy or hysterectomy. Imagine your doctor had a remote control that could just switch on your reproductive abilities when you want to have kids?

There is the potential problem that the state could control when you could have kids, especially if the procedure was performed at your birth, but with expanding populations, this may be more prevalent in millenniums to come...

Only problem with such effective contraception - STDs would be rampant!

Mike 1972

Dardania wrote: »

Only problem with such effective contraception - STDs would be rampant!

Because it would never occur to anyone to use more than one method of contraception

Dardania

Mike 1972 wrote: »

Because it would never occur to anyone to use more than one method of contraception

condoms in this case would be contra-stds?

Capt'n Midnight

http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn13232-radiocontrolled-sperm-tap-turns-off-vasectomies.html

"It will be like turning a TV on and off with a remote control," added team founder Derek Abbott, "except that the remote will probably be locked away in your local doctor's office

Dardania

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn13232-radiocontrolled-sperm-tap-turns-off-vasectomies.html

bugger - throwing the patent form away so!

vaalea

I believe the contraceptive you're all looking for is Risug

Some of the advantages, according to Dr. Guha. He explained in an interview that there are reasonable advantages as an effect of this substance.-"this is the advantages of my new formula"- Dr. Guha stated.

• Effectiveness - There has been only one unplanned pregnancy among partners of the 250 men who have been injected RISUG — apparently due to an improperly administered injection. 15 of these men received the injection more than 10 years ago.
• Convenience - There is no interruption before the sexual act.
• Non-invasiveness - The process, once it is refined and approved, is expected to be operation-free. Men can leave the hospital immediately after an injection and resume their normal sex lives within a week.
• Duration of effect - According to Guha, a single 60 mg injection can be effective for at least 10 years.
• Reduced side effects - After testing RISUG on more than 250 volunteers, neither Guha nor other researchers in the field report side effects other than a slight scrotal swelling in some men immediately following the injection, which goes away after a few weeks, though there are also unconfirmed reports of kidney problems.
• Reversible - The contraceptive action appears to be reversible by flushing the vas deferens with another injection of dimethyl sulfoxide or sodium bicarbonate solution. (The sodium bicarbonate solution cannot be used as the solvent in the initial injection since it would neutralize the positive charge effect.) Although this reversal procedure has been tried only on primates, it has been repeatedly successful. Unlike in a vasectomy (see Blood-testis barrier), the vas deferens is not completely blocked, the body doesn't have to absorb the blocked sperm, and sperm antibodies are not produced in large numbers, making successful reversal more likely than with a vasovasostomy.

from a 2010 update

Within 2012, there could be clinical trials of RISUG for U.S. men. RISUG could be on the U.S. market as early as 2015, although initially just as an alternative to vasectomy.

More info

W.Shakes-Beer

What about the idea of some form of sperm diverter?

Some invisble tube that blows the load into a doggy bag.

starlit

other peoples kids are the best contraceptive, it will stop you from having sex or else face dealing with the consequences i.e. scary screaming demanding babies!

Capt'n Midnight

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/6131744.stm

A Japanese hospital plans to set up a "baby hatch" allowing mothers to anonymously drop off their newborns so they can be put up for adoption.

The drop-off at Jikei Hospital in southern Japan will consist of a small window in an outside wall, which opens on to an incubator bed, officials say.