General 'off-topic' Thread ... see moderator post #3

eru123

Bye Bye Kerry!:D:D:D:D :cool::cool::cool::cool::cool::cool::):):)

kerry4sam

eru123 wrote: »

Bye Bye Kerry!:D:D:D:D :cool::cool::cool::cool::cool::cool::):):)

well you didn't waste any time after the match :pac:

kerry4sam

Just seen that we have no general thread in here for anything off-topic.

Funny stuff only, nature of post follows on from the post before it. Can be whatever you want - pics, jokes, songs whatever. Similar to the Garda Recruitment thread - lets start coming together and see who is the real comedians of our forum here are.

FORUM CHARTER RULES APPLY

kensey

A garda pulls over a speeding car. He says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir." The driver says, "Are you sure? I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating." Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control." As the garda writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?" The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did." As the garda makes out the second ticket for the illegal use of a radar detector unit*, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Woman ,didn't I tell you to keep your mouth shut!" The garda frowns and says "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an on the spot 60 euro fine. "The driver says, "Well, you see sir, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket." The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving." And as the garda is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??" The garda looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?" Smiling sweetly, she replies. Only when he's been drinking, sir."

eru123

An English man and an Irish man are driving head on , at night, on a twisty, dark road. Both are driving to fast for the conditions and collide on a sharp bend in the road. To the amazement of both, they are unscathed, though their cars are both destroyed. In celebration of their luck, both agree to put aside their dislike for the other from that moment on. At this point, the Irish man goes to the boot and fetches a 12 year old bottle of Jameson whiskey. He hands the bottle to the English man, whom exclaims,” may the English and the Irish live together forever, in peace, and harmony.” The English man then tips the bottle and lashes half of it down. Still flabbergasted over the whole thing, he goes to hand the bottle to the Irish man, whom replies: ” no thanks, I’ll just wait till the Gardaí get here!”

eru123

An English man and an Irish man are driving head on , at night, on a twisty, dark road. Both are driving to fast for the conditions and collide on a sharp bend in the road. To the amazement of both, they are unscathed, though their cars are both destroyed. In celebration of their luck, both agree to put aside their dislike for the other from that moment on. At this point, the Irish man goes to the boot and fetches a 12 year old bottle of Jameson whiskey. He hands the bottle to the English man, whom exclaims,” may the English and the Irish live together forever, in peace, and harmony.” The English man then tips the bottle and lashes half of it down. Still flabbergasted over the whole thing, he goes to hand the bottle to the Irish man, whom replies: ” no thanks, I’ll just wait till the Gardaí get here!”

kensey

A woman brought a very limp duck to her vets. As she laid the bird on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said "I'm very sorry, your duck has passed away!.

The distressed woman wailed " are you sure?" "Yes, I am sure,the duck is dead" said the vet.

"How can you be sure?" she protested..!"I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything, he might just be in a coma"

The vet rolled his eyes, turned round and left the room.

He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever.
As the ducks owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the table and sniffed the duck from the top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room.

He returned with a cat.
The cat jumped on the table and delicately sniffed the bird from head to toe, then sat back and shook its head, meowed softly and left the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this duck is most definitely dead.

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.

The ducks owner, still in shock, took the bill. "£150??" she cried, "£150 just to tell me my duck is dead??"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry, but if you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been £20, but with the Lab report and the Cat scan it's now £150"

Mc Jakester

I'll sneak you inn, I have room for one more In the Boot of the car...
It Takes time, Feb/next intake after that not far away...Send HRM a xmas card, It mite help..lol

Tyron Jara wrote: »

Hey ill go too just get them to send me an invitation:P Still waiting for the medical though

Tyron Jara

Mc Jakester wrote: »

I'll sneak you inn, I have room for one more In the Boot of the car...
It Takes time, Feb/next intake after that not far away...Send HRM a xmas card, It mite help..lol

Sweet Im there:D How many of us are in the boot did you say?:P Hopefully I could wait for feb but how long does it take after the medical? How long is GR training anyway?

realdanbreen

There was a very good piece on the Pat Kenny show today about Templemore and the Garda college. It was a tough place back in the 60's.

brotherrabbit

I heard the piece. seems like a town that put all its eggs in one basket which is never a good idea.

ZoneAlarm

I think this is the hear and now not back to the past, what was before is no more, and things have progressed since the 60s i hope, the past is the past leave it where it belongs right there !

brotherrabbit

Amen to that! the piece was more about how the local traders are struggling because of the lack of garda students in the town. good piece though.

Zone do you know if we are fitted for uniforms on phase one ( 1st of dec for mise )

munster4868

brotherrabbit wrote: »

Amen to that! the piece was more about how the local traders are struggling because of the lack of garda students in the town. good piece though.

Zone do you know if we are fitted for uniforms on phase one ( 1st of dec for mise )

It's so so long ago now... But as far as I remember yes... Am I correct ZA

ZoneAlarm

munster4868 wrote: »

It's so so long ago now... But as far as I remember yes... Am I correct ZA

Yep you sure are thats if they arrive down to do it, with all the cuts :eek:

Tyron Jara

munster4868 wrote: »

It's so so long ago now... But as far as I remember yes... Am I correct ZA

Yes the uniform fittings is in phase 1. Thats when things started to feel real for me.

brotherrabbit

cheers lads. cant wait!

munster4868

ZoneAlarm wrote: »

Yep you sure are thats if they arrive down to do it, with all the cuts :eek:

Jasus, this is like a fishing pond here!!! These posts are as tricky to located... They move like slippery fish:eek:

Ya, I heard you have to bring your own tape measure.. Flaming cut backs

ZoneAlarm

That is what happens when topics are merged or whatever happens to them, have my fishing rod here lets see what we locate next:rolleyes:

kerry4sam

Tyron Jara wrote: »

Yes the uniform fittings is in phase 1. Thats when things started to feel real for me.

That was some moment alright! Even better for me though was in phase3 and we wore them for the first time, oh their was some laughter by the girls in the changing room that morning

Tyron Jara

kerry4sam wrote: »

That was some moment alright! Even better for me though was in phase3 and we wore them for the first time, oh their was some laughter by the girls in the changing room that morning

Cannot wait for phase 3;) That morning is all im dreaming about:P
Good luck on phase 1 guys ye will have a ball the college is really impressive:D

ais2012

Kerryforsam
when did you graduate as a reseve??

kerry4sam

ais2012 wrote: »

Kerryforsam
when did you graduate as a reseve??

July 15th 2011. Surreal & Memorable Experience

ais2012

kerry4sam wrote: »

July 15th 2011. Surreal & Memorable Experience

I wish Boards had a 'Like' button!!!:rolleyes:

kerry4sam

ais2012 wrote: »

I wish Boards had a 'Like' button!!!:rolleyes:

we get a thumbs up instead

battser

Has applying for the reserve ceased or am I missing something simple on public jobs?

Tyron Jara

battser wrote: »

Has applying for the reserve ceased or am I missing something simple on public jobs?

Im honestly not sure but go here http://www.publicjobs.ie/publicjobs/en/getDyna.do?name=In_Progress_Campaigns

Sgt. Bilko 09

type into the description bar garda reserve and then click on interview application form then fill it in and then post it off with your picture.