Guys opinion

midlandsmissus

Please guys, give me your opinion on this.

I'm not out to make myself feel better, I just want to get a guy's opinion of what they're thinking, and to find a way to get out of this situation with a small bit of dignity.

So I met this guy out, and I ended up going back to his house about four nights, over four wknds, and just falling asleep, in his bed. I don't know why I did it - just wanted affection probably. didnt have sex with him.

Anyway that ended, and five months later I met another guy out, and I ended up going back to his friends house with him that night and just fell asleep in the bed with him.
I really do not know why I went through a phase of doing that, I was unhappy at the time, and just wanted to be hugged, I know it was stupid behavior.

Anyway we met up a few more times and he was all like
'I really like you and that doesn't usually happen blah blah'. I know I was an idiot but I really liked him and thought he liked me, and I went to his flat and slept (*had sex) with him. Course he didn't want anymore. And that was that. This is not usual behaviour for me, he's the third person I've slept with in my life. It turned out that he was a really good friend of the first guy.


Then, I was walking through town last night with a male friend, when I came upon their whole group outside their pub, and about 8 of them let out the loudest, sneering laughter when I walked past with the guy. It was awful. I just kept thinking they were thinking 'oh there she is with ANOTHER guy', even though he was just a friend.

Now I'm mortified whenever I go into town, because being with the two friends I feel like such a slut, and am dreading seeing their group, I'm berating myself over it all the time, I just really am killing myself over this.

What do guys think of what I did, and what should I do to move on and get past this? Im changing my behaviour and it will never happen again, but this is really really affecting me going out in my hometown, I just feel so awful about myself.

Btwndeyes

Don't let them get to you, if thats all they have to do, sneering at you over something so trivial, thats shows what poor lives they live. and anyway You did nothing less wrong then them, it was a one nighter for them too so they cant be all high and mighty!! hope this helped, never posted here before!!

Mackman

Stupid question, but are you sure they were laughing at you? or did your anxiety of seeing them all together convince you that they were?

28064212

Mackman wrote: »

Stupid question, but are you sure they were laughing at you? or did your anxiety of seeing them all together convince you that they were?

^--- This. The 'problem' here is entirely in your own head. So you slept with 2 guys (and had sex with 1 of them) in the space of... what? 7 months? More? You are the one defining yourself as a slut, not them. There was nothing wrong with your behaviour. You have a fairly repressed attitude towards sex, which is why you feel the way you do. If anything, the group of guys probably think of you (if they were thinking of you at all, which is unlikely) as uptight, not easy.

PeakOutput

you care too much about what other people think imo just chill out and have fun with cool people and you dont need to worry about anything like that

Galvasean

midlandsmissus wrote: »

So I met this guy out, and I ended up going back to his house about four nights, over four wknds, and just falling asleep, in his bed. I don't know why I did it - just wanted affection probably. didnt have sex with him.

Anyway that ended, and five months later I met another guy out, and I ended up going back to his friends house with him that night and just fell asleep in the bed with him.
I really do not know why I went through a phase of doing that, I was unhappy at the time, and just wanted to be hugged, I know it was stupid behavior.

Nothing stupid about that sort of behaviour whatsoever. It's perfectly natural and reasonable to crave such (non sexual) attention from the opposite sex during times of stress. It's a lot more common than you think.

homerun_homer

Galvasean wrote: »

It's a lot more common than you think.

+1

And it's not like you went all the way with the first guy so you shouldn't really worry about it. Everyone's done it. If they have a problem then leave them off, you don't need to justify your actions to anyone, if they are not your own friend's then leave them off to be idiots.

Wolfe Tone

From where I am sitting the guys maybe heard all about it, and may have been laughing at the first guy who you didnt sleep with(lol she slept with Johnny, but not you haha, something retarded like that), if the two guys told their mates about it they might have slagged him, hence when they saw you it reminded them of it.


As for thinking you were a slut, I doubt it. You were with 2 of the mates over a LONG timeframe and only slept with one, not a slut.

Faith

To be honest, in situations like that, I just assume people are jealous that I'm getting more action than them. I've a friend who can act a bit disapproving when I tell her about random guys, but I know (because she's told me) that it's just her being jealous because she's only ever slept with one guy. She's delightfully happy with him, but I know there's times she's envious of me having the freedom to do what I like with whoever I like.

I really wouldn't worry about it . Just keep reminding yourself that it's no-one's business but your own what you get up to.

Herbal Deity

You had sex?

*High-five*

Wait, what's the issue here?

Sugar Free

Without being there it's hard to say exactly. However, I seriously doubt it was about you being a slut and if that is the case then it's just the typical double standards a lot of guys apply to women, which as a man, does my f*cking nut in!

It was more likely to be banter about the guy who was in bed with you several times and nothing happened versus the guy who was in bed with you and things did happen. I really wouldn't worry about it, especially considering you did nothing wrong at all.

BumbleB

Thats just small town mentality. I dont think youre a slut and I'd say the majority of people here don't either . Nothing wrong with hugs ,hugs are good.

tbh

midlandsmissus wrote: »

So I met this guy out, and I ended up going back to his house about four nights, over four wknds, and just falling asleep, in his bed. I don't know why I did it - just wanted affection probably. didnt have sex with him.

nothing wrong with that, have done it manys the time myself.

Anyway that ended, and five months later I met another guy out, and I ended up going back to his friends house with him that night and just fell asleep in the bed with him.
I really do not know why I went through a phase of doing that, I was unhappy at the time, and just wanted to be hugged, I know it was stupid behavior.

Nothing stupid about it, stop beating yourself up and calling it stupid behaviour - it wasn't.

Anyway we met up a few more times and he was all like
'I really like you and that doesn't usually happen blah blah'. I know I was an idiot but I really liked him and thought he liked me

Stop calling yourself an idiot. If someone said that to me, I'd believer them too. Why wouldn't you? the alternative is to believe that everyone you meet is a lying, using pr**k. I'll stick with having faith in people, even if it means getting burned once or twice.
you. are not. an idiot.

, and I went to his flat and slept (*had sex) with him. Course he didn't want anymore. And that was that. This is not usual behaviour for me, he's the third person I've slept with in my life. It turned out that he was a really good friend of the first guy.

these things happen - not your fault, you didn't do anything wrong.

Then, I was walking through town last night with a male friend, when I came upon their whole group outside their pub, and about 8 of them let out the loudest, sneering laughter when I walked past with the guy. It was awful. I just kept thinking they were thinking 'oh there she is with ANOTHER guy', even though he was just a friend.

you have a better idea of i do as to whether they were laughing at *you* or not, but here's the thing:
If they were laughing at you, they are assholes. It's really as simple as that. Imagine, say, you found out that your brother/son/father was in a group of lads who did something like that - wouldn't you be ashamed of them?

Now I'm mortified whenever I go into town, because being with the two friends I feel like such a slut, and am dreading seeing their group, I'm berating myself over it all the time, I just really am killing myself over this.

What do guys think of what I did, and what should I do to move on and get past this? Im changing my behaviour and it will never happen again, but this is really really affecting me going out in my hometown, I just feel so awful about myself.

you need to get on top of this, quicksmart before it becomes bigger in your head than it is in real life.
If the lads have nothing better to do than to laugh at you, let them laugh. The only person you have to justify your behaviour to is you. You took someone at their word, and it turns out they were prepared to lie to you to get sex. Believe me, any *real* man would feel nothing but contempt for a boy like that.
You have nothing to be ashamed of, and all you have to do is to think of the 1000+ men of the GC who have your back, and who are laughing and sneering at these pub assholes.

RedRebel

You did nothing wrong at all tbf. Pay no mind to the likes of them.

midlandsmissus

Hi guys thanks so much for the responses, you've really helped me.

You're right, I am going to hold my head high when I walk past them.

I do have this awful fear of being seen as a slut - it's something that would be really important to me, I am quite repressed really. So that's why I was extra mortified, and whoever said it was right - I was making a bigger issue of it in my head than it probably was in real life.

They did all burst into sneering laughter when I walked past them, but you're right, if they are laughing at me, or at the fact that one slept with me and the other didn't, that's their problem, and I'm sure they'll get bored with it soon enough.

I'm going to walk past them with my head high and not let it bother me in the slightest.

Thanks so much to all of you, I was really beating myself up over this, your kind words have really made me see it for what it was

Ye lot should go into counselling!

Abi

midlandsmissus wrote: »

Please guys, give me your opinion on this.

I'm not out to make myself feel better, I just want to get a guy's opinion of what they're thinking, and to find a way to get out of this situation with a small bit of dignity.

So I met this guy out, and I ended up going back to his house about four nights, over four wknds, and just falling asleep, in his bed. I don't know why I did it - just wanted affection probably. didnt have sex with him.

Anyway that ended, and five months later I met another guy out, and I ended up going back to his friends house with him that night and just fell asleep in the bed with him.
I really do not know why I went through a phase of doing that, I was unhappy at the time, and just wanted to be hugged, I know it was stupid behavior.

Anyway we met up a few more times and he was all like
'I really like you and that doesn't usually happen blah blah'. I know I was an idiot but I really liked him and thought he liked me, and I went to his flat and slept (*had sex) with him. Course he didn't want anymore. And that was that. This is not usual behaviour for me, he's the third person I've slept with in my life. It turned out that he was a really good friend of the first guy.


Then, I was walking through town last night with a male friend, when I came upon their whole group outside their pub, and about 8 of them let out the loudest, sneering laughter when I walked past with the guy. It was awful. I just kept thinking they were thinking 'oh there she is with ANOTHER guy', even though he was just a friend.

Now I'm mortified whenever I go into town, because being with the two friends I feel like such a slut, and am dreading seeing their group, I'm berating myself over it all the time, I just really am killing myself over this.

What do guys think of what I did, and what should I do to move on and get past this? Im changing my behaviour and it will never happen again, but this is really really affecting me going out in my hometown, I just feel so awful about myself.

Midlandmiss, I know you asked for male opinions here, and I hope you don't mind my answering. This is not AH, and you will only get genuine replies here.

I agree with a combination of posts here. Firstly, are you sure they were even laughing at you at all? You seem to be very concerned with the number of guys you've slept with. You are a grown woman. I'm not talking about having a new one weekly, I just wonder about your understanding of it all.


I might get shot down for this, but my feeling is you're turning men away because you're actually afraid of what would be said. Since when are gobby mouths more important than your happiness?

You've every right to enjoy mens company, sexual or non-sexual. In my opinion, it's your own self-judgement that is holding you back from finding happiness. Put that incident right out of your head, and start looking at the rest of your life with a fresh face.

Otis Driftwood

Abigayle wrote: »

You've every right to enjoy mens company, sexual or non-sexual. In my opinion, it's your own self-judgement that is holding you back from finding happiness. Put that incident right out of your head, and start looking at the rest of your life with a fresh face.

Agree with the above in particular.I have a friend that I regularly go out on the piss with and a few occasions we have ended up in bed together.It was completly platonic but still very intimate if that makes sense.Both of us have been single for a while so its nice to have some bedtime company that doesnt have the awkwardness that sometimes goes with it,ie waking up the next day after a night of drunken monkey sex.You have nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about.

midlandsmissus

Abigayle wrote: »

Midlandmiss, I know you asked for male opinions here, and I hope you don't mind my answering. This is not AH, and you will only get genuine replies here.

I agree with a combination of posts here. Firstly, are you sure they were even laughing at you at all? You seem to be very concerned with the number of guys you've slept with. You are a grown woman. I'm not talking about having a new one weekly, I just wonder about your understanding of it all.


I might get shot down for this, but my feeling is you're turning men away because you're actually afraid of what would be said. Since when are gobby mouths more important than your happiness?

You've every right to enjoy mens company, sexual or non-sexual. In my opinion, it's your own self-judgement that is holding you back from finding happiness. Put that incident right out of your head, and start looking at the rest of your life with a fresh face.

Hi Abigayle, thanks very much for the answer.

I think it is also because I'm from a small town, I know it's not right, but it's the way it is, there is ALOT of pressure down here not to be seen as a slut.
Guys seem to judge you into two groups: you're either a slut or you're not, and once you're seen as a slut you can never get out of it.
I've heard the same group of guys that were laughing about me, call numerous woman 'sluts'. basically that's all they seem to do...is talk about conquests, who's easy and who's not. Of course they can shag who they like and not think ofthemselves as sluts...

I think it would be alot easier in a big anonymous city like Dublin. I think people are definitely more backwards in the country, and severe double standards still exist.

Anyway thanks Abigayle, Its only me who can judge myself, andI'm not going to think of myself as a slut.

Otis Driftwood

midlandsmissus wrote: »

Hi Abigayle, thanks very much for the answer.

I think it is also because I'm from a small town, I know it's not right, but it's the way it is, there is ALOT of pressure down here not to be seen as a slut.
Guys seem to judge you into two groups: you're either a slut or you're not, and once you're seen as a slut you can never get out of it.
I've heard the same group of guys that were laughing about me, call numerous woman 'sluts'. basically that's all they seem to do...is talk about conquests, who's easy and who's not. Of course they can shag who they like and not think ofthemselves as sluts...

I think it would be alot easier in a big anonymous city like Dublin. I think people are definitely more backwards in the country, and severe double standards still exist.

Anyway thanks Abigayle, Its only me who can judge myself, andI'm not going to think of myself as a slut.

In a huge amount of instances its just that,talk.Its one of my genders biggest shortcomings in that when it comes to conquests there is a huge amount of oneupmanship,some of my oldest friends would be in this bracket.

Abi

nedtheshed wrote: »

Agree with the above in particular.I have a friend that I regularly go out on the piss with and a few occasions we have ended up in bed together.It was completly platonic but still very intimate if that makes sense.Both of us have been single for a while so its nice to have some bedtime company that doesnt have the awkwardness that sometimes goes with it,ie waking up the next day after a night of drunken monkey sex.You have nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about.

I have to say fair play to you. This is something I do for my own friends, female or male, I hate to see people hurting.

Such a simple thing as giving someone a spoonz, let them laugh it out with comedies, drinks, eventually climb into bed, hear what they've been avoiding saying out of pride, and cuddle them asleep.. I've stayed awake till my friends dropped off to sleep.

I've a heap of respect for you for saying that, actually.