Am i being a bitch?

shoes34

metrovelvet wrote: »

Ok. The invite was for nine. It is my understanding that in Ireland it is rude to show up at said time and it is understood that you should show up a minumum of a half an hour after said time. So, if I got an invite for 9, I wouldn't anticipate dinner would be served until at least 9:45. So if OP said 9 then should shebreally expect people to show up before 9:30?

Secondly, as for waitung, its reasonable to wait 15 minutes. Absolutely no way would I expect a host to wait longer than that.

not to sound rude but I am Irish and if I invite someone to my house for 8pm or 9pm I expect them to be show on time OK give or take 5/10 minutes. Maybe some Irish people you know don't expect that but I figure I wouldn't have invited them for a specific time if I wanted them to arrive 30 minutes later.

SarahSassy

metrovelvet wrote: »

From what I understand of Irish code, 9pm doesnt mean 9pm, it means 9:45.
.

I dont agree at all. Its just plain bad manners and that transcends any nationality..

SarahSassy

SarahSassy wrote: »

I dont agree at all. Its just plain bad manners and that transcends any nationality..

Well, if it's something like a house party and the host says it starts at '10ish', I'd find it normal for the majority of people to turn up up to an hour after that. If I'm heading to a party where 60 people have been invited and am running 10 minutes late, I'm not going to call. Usually I arrive and I'm still one of the first people there. If it's hanging out one on one or a dinner invitation, it's not normal. I think it depends what the situation is, and the host usually makes that obvious.

dillodaffs

Malari wrote: »

This is nonsense. As I mentioned earlier if you are casually meeting somewhere and the arrangement is 9pm then it's fine to be slightly late. For a dinner party, anyone who thinks like this is rude. Dinner may not have been served till 9.45pm but that's the OP's perogative to ask everyone to be there at 9pm, so she can do the last minute bits (dress salad, cook something that only takes 2 mins, etc) when everyone is ready to sit and eat straight away.

totally agree that this is nonsense, if your invited for dinner at 9, then you arrive at 9? i dont know where its coming from that its acceptable in ireland to arrive up to 45 mins later than the invite time, its just not. and it is very very rude not to call or txt and say you cannot make it (unless your head is hanging off or something).

dgrump1

Damn whinger go join the gay green party......

Nevyn

dgrump1 banned for 1 week.

Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
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Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

Zen65

OP, do you privately think she was not ill, but that she strung you along and when something "better" came up she went out with somebody else instead?

Is there a possibility, even slight, that there is something going on in this girl's life that you are not aware of? A sickly family member? a possessive boyfriend? a confidence issue? a phobia?... or some social embarrassment about which she never speaks?

I'm not defending her, I just wonder why you assumed it was a simple case of rudeness without any mitigating reason?

If it had been me, I would not have responded to her text, or responded with just "OK". Next time I met her I'd ask for an explanation, but not in a confrontational way. If the answer led me to believe that she was just a rude person I would pretty much end our contact, but without making a fuss.


Be at peace,


Z

katie99

Unless she was on her deathbed she should have texted you in time to let you know the situation.
However, I would never wait 40 mins for somebody if everyone else was there on time. I would have started without her.
It was wrong of you to respond to her with such a curt reply. You were venting your anger but letting yourself down.
I would not invite her to your home for any dinners again.
That way she will get the message.

Whether I am meeting friends in the pub or having a small dinner party in my house I expect people to be on time give or take five or ten mins.

I was due to meet two gfs in a city centre pub (McDaids) a few weeks back at 9.30pm. I waited until 9.45pm and neither showed up. I texted both and got no response. At 10pm I left to pub and headed home, annoyed, frustrated and angry that people can treat me like this.

The first girl arrived at 10.10pm and texted me as I sat on the LUAS at St Stephen's Green. I said I was on my way home as I had waited 30mins, on my own in a busy pub. She said she had been painting at home and only finished at 8pm and wasn't ready to go out until 9.30pm.

The other girls texted me at 10.20pm and said she had missed her DART.
Well I said neither texted me to say they would be late and I wasn't going to sit alone in a pub on a Friday night waiting for them.
Both pleaded with me to return to the pub but I declined.

It was not a one off. Both are never on time for anything. I was always brought up to be punctional. It is bad manners to be otherwise.

Chinafoot

metrovelvet wrote: »

It is my understanding that in Ireland it is rude to show up at said time and it is understood that you should show up a minumum of a half an hour after said time.

I must have missed this rule in all my 27 years of existence in this country. That is absolute rubbish and you really shouldn't assume that these silly rules of a few people you know are the same for the entire nation. It is most definitely not seen as rude to show up on time.

OP, if this is a regular thing with her then I personally wouldn't bother. She clearly has very little consideration for you or your friendship. If she does get in touch then ask her, as already advised in a non-confrontational way, for an explanation. Explain to her that you find her behaviour hurtful and you would appreciate the same respect and consideration that you afford her. If she doesn't bother contacting you then you haven't lost much of a friend.

katie99

katie99 wrote: »

I was due to meet two gfs in a city centre pub (McDaids) a few weeks back at 9.30pm. I waited until 9.45pm and neither showed up. I texted both and got no response. At 10pm I left to pub and headed home, annoyed, frustrated and angry that people can treat me like this.

The first girl arrived at 10.10pm and texted me as I sat on the LUAS at St Stephen's Green. I said I was on my way home as I had waited 30mins, on my own in a busy pub. She said she had been painting at home and only finished at 8pm and wasn't ready to go out until 9.30pm.

The other girls texted me at 10.20pm and said she had missed her DART.
Well I said neither texted me to say they would be late and I wasn't going to sit alone in a pub on a Friday night waiting for them.
Both pleaded with me to return to the pub but I declined.

It was not a one off. Both are never on time for anything. I was always brought up to be punctional. It is bad manners to be otherwise.

Good for you. Some people are just so ignorant and clueless and nobody ever seems to call them out on their behaviour. It's funny actually because I have a friend who is ALWAYS late for everything. Waits until you get somewhere and then texts 'sorry I'll be there in 30 mins'. We were supposed to meet today to talk about a piece of work for college - basically me doing him a favour as I've already done it. We were meant to meet at 3pm, so I got there at 3pm, still waiting at 3.10, 3.15, then 3.20 rolled around and I had no text or phone call, so I got up and left. 10 minutes later, I get a text 'where are you? I'm in the cafeteria', I replied 'I'm in the lab. Left the cafeteria at 3.20, I have things to do.' He texted back all annoyed and had the nerve to ask 'why didn't you ring me?' I just wrote 'Why didn't YOU ring ME? You were late. I was on time.' I don't know why some people think the world revolves around them. It seems to be a lot of people these days, as well.

Busi_Girl08

A few weeks ago Mum and I went out to dinner with some old friends.

There were 7 of us meeting, but one lady was running late. We were meant to meet up at about 7.30, we got a phonecall from the 7th lady at about 8, saying she was a bit late, and was looking for parking.

She finally turned up at about 8.30, we had been waiting for the last hour for her, didn't even order drinks (we had a free glass of champagne each though) and announced that she wasn't eating :eek:

All the jammy bitch had was a cup of coffee, and she didn't bother her arse to tell anyone before. We were feckin' starving!

metrovelvet

[quote=[Deleted User];67083930]Good for you. Some people are just so ignorant and clueless and nobody ever seems to call them out on their behaviour. It's funny actually because I have a friend who is ALWAYS late for everything. Waits until you get somewhere and then texts 'sorry I'll be there in 30 mins'. We were supposed to meet today to talk about a piece of work for college - basically me doing him a favour as I've already done it. We were meant to meet at 3pm, so I got there at 3pm, still waiting at 3.10, 3.15, then 3.20 rolled around and I had no text or phone call, so I got up and left. 10 minutes later, I get a text 'where are you? I'm in the cafeteria', I replied 'I'm in the lab. Left the cafeteria at 3.20, I have things to do.' He texted back all annoyed and had the nerve to ask 'why didn't you ring me?' I just wrote 'Why didn't YOU ring ME? You were late. I was on time.' I don't know why some people think the world revolves around them. It seems to be a lot of people these days, as well.[/QUOTE]
The only thing to do with these people is lie about a meeting time. If you want to meet at 4, tell them 3.

katie99

metrovelvet wrote: »

The only thing to do with these people is lie about a meeting time. If you want to meet at 4, tell them 3.

I disagree. I just wouldn't bother with them at all.

metrovelvet

metrovelvet wrote: »

The only thing to do with these people is lie about a meeting time. If you want to meet at 4, tell them 3.

And then one day they turn up on time and ring you all angry, asking where you are. For some reason, people who are always late NEVER tolerate other people doing it.

[quote=[Deleted User];67085364]And then one day they turn up on time and ring you all angry, asking where you are. For some reason, people who are always late NEVER tolerate other people doing it.[/QUOTE]

God, isn't that the truth. Used to know someone late all the time. "Chill out world isn't going to end :rolleyes::rolleyes:"
If I was late - once or twice - angry calls every 5 mins and guilt tripping. Christ.

I was supposed to be at a friends house 2 hours ago but I'm still in bed.. Actually gonna get up now cause of reading this thread.

LegacyUser

[quote=[Deleted User];67085364]And then one day they turn up on time and ring you all angry, asking where you are. For some reason, people who are always late NEVER tolerate other people doing it.[/QUOTE]

So true. I spent my college years waiting for friends to show up. I'm still in contact with them, and if I arrange to meet them, I don't show up until at least half an hour after the time. Usually we end up getting to the place at the same time, but sometimes they get there first and within minutes there's an urgent text/phonecall demanding to know where I am. I usually reply 'Oh I thought you'd be late, so I didn't bother leaving home until x mins ago. See you in y minutes!'

I'm always punctual for people who are punctual for me. I show disdain for people who show disdain for me. Keeps me sane!

boarduser1980

unregistered wrote: »

I usually reply 'Oh I thought you'd be late, so I didn't bother leaving home until x mins ago. See you in y minutes!'

thats very funny....:D I must remember that one :D:Dlmao

Malari

[quote=[Deleted User];67085364]And then one day they turn up on time and ring you all angry, asking where you are. For some reason, people who are always late NEVER tolerate other people doing it.[/QUOTE]

I've a friend who will turn up late 9 times out of 10. The 10th time, when she is actually ready to be there at the appointed hour, she will ring me to make sure I am also on my way, and if not, she will wait and insist I text her whenever I am there :eek:

I just lie at this stage and tell her I'm on the way, so I'm not the one left waiting. Then claim I had to go back and get my phone or something.

I hate that she makes me lie though! Just show up on time! Bring a book if you have a fear of sitting alone in a pub or restaurant for 5 mins :rolleyes:

JonathanAnon

If she is a friend (and you say she is), and there is any possibility that she may actually have been genuinely sick, then you should have given her the benefit of the doubt.... Sending back the text "not to bother" was childish... You should apologize to her. She certainly should have let you know, but you lost the moral high ground when you sent that text..

It's not a big deal. Just walk straight up to her and apologize, or if youre not that brave just send a texted apology..

Bobbins

I don't think the OP should apologise. She was right to let her 'friend' know she was annoyed, this 'friend' obviously isn't too worried about it as she hasn't made any contact. As stated previously, unless she was on her death bed she had ample opportunity to let the OP know not to go to any trouble on her behalf as she wouln't be able to make it. Outrageous behaviour.

LegacyUser

Hi OP, you weren't a bitch for being annoyed, but your text sounded very bitchy. I can imagine your friend probably thought 'What's HER problem?'. Her rudeness has been going on a long time, and of course that's why you snapped. You're only human! I agree with another person though that you lost the moral high ground when you snapped. Your friend probably thought you wouldn't mind if she's late or didn't turn up because you'd never said anything before now. Doesn't mean it's right or fair, but that's the way it is.

Apologise for your outburst (ball will be in her court, and it'll ease your guilt!), but don't invite her to dinner parties again because she really sounds like too much hassle

R.D. aka MR.D

Your not being a bitch at all. There is no excuse for not texting you sooner.

I'm recently back from Argentina and there is a tradition of being late there (For the people who are saying that is the way in Ireland, then you are mistaken. It is extremely rude to be late. The 45 minutes thing is only for house parties. And that's not a rule it's just mostly about not being the first one there!)
But anyhoo all my expat friends in their attempt to assimilate started all this showing up late nonsense! So i explained to them that I don't wait and I think it is the height of rudeness and you know what after that they always showed up within 5 mins of the meeting time. Friends respect their friends.

If you explain to this girl what she did wrong and the situation doesn't improve stop asking her to things. If she can't bother showing you respect then she isn't worth having as a friend.