Should I be annoyed with BF.

LegacyUser

I know what the title is but I AM annoyed with my BF.

It was our first anniversary last month and this is still bugging me. I told him I did not want presents or flowers all I wanted from him was a card with a note from him that I would be able to keep forever.
He never bothered to get me a card. His excuse "I didn't see any I liked". I know I'm going to sound like a brat but he brought me out for dinner and all I was thinking was "You did not listen to me and get me the one thing I asked for". Its not about stuff (he is very good and has a great job so taking me out is no problem) its the fact that he didn't even seem to think that something that was important to me was worth bothering about.

I tried to talk to him about it but all he said was "After everything I've done for you this is what you nag me about". I'm NOT nagging I want him to understand that material things are not always equal to love, I want a personal gesture not just him flashing the cash.
What should I do?

dudara

To me, buying a card from a depressing, pre-made selection in a shop is not a passionate gesture.

However, we are all different. To you it was important - but it something like this really worth getting hung up on? (He did remember the anniversary and he did take you out for dinner.)

MissFlitworth

Some people aren't card people and hate the thoughts of writing out personal messages, I'd probably let this one slide as he did mark your anniversary, a card is a material thing in the end. As long as he shows you he loves you and is thoughtful in other ways I'd be swallowing the irritation and moving onwards

fungun

cards get lost, nice memories are forever

LegacyUser

personally I think if you need to ask "should I be annoyed?" then no, you shouldn't be. If I'm annoyed I know I'm annoyed, I don't need someone to tell me to be annoyed.

Ok so he didn't buy a card. He did said he couldn't find any he liked, personally I'd rather buy no card than some crappy one that I don't like.

He did bring you out to dinner so he didn't forget so I wouldn't think it's worth getting in a fuss over. If he didn't do anything for your birthday then yes, then would be a good time to be annoyed, but to spend the whole night out at dinner silently stewing is a bit silly to be honest.

Lastly one final thought, guys in general, me included don't attach half as much significance to cards as girls do so chances are he thought "bit of a cr*p present, I know, I'll bring her out to dinner, much better!"

Beruthiel

am I a brat wrote: »

IHe never bothered to get me a card. His excuse "I didn't see any I liked". I know I'm going to sound like a brat but he brought me out for dinner

He brought you out to dinner and you're fretting over a card?
Reality check girl, cos if this is the worst thing to happen in your relationship, I'd have to say, you don't know when you have it good.

seamus

In general, men (in fact a lot of people) don't put much stock in cards. They're just token pieces of paper with no meaning behind them. We tend to consider them much like wrapping paper. An expensive part of the whole rigmarole which goes in the bin the next day.

its the fact that he didn't even seem to think that something that was important to me was worth bothering about.

Did you tell him how important it was though? If you didn't buy him a card, he probably wouldn't care even the tiniest little bit. That's why he assumed you wouldn't be concerned that he didn't get you one.

LegacyUser

I did get him a card, in fact I ordered a special one with the date and spent a long time writing in it.

I don't want a fancy dinner, I wanted him to take some time and write a personal message to me. I told him a month before that we should have no presents or nights out, just a nice evening in with the two of us where we could exchange cards. He knew it was important to me because I told him, that's why I'm hurt. If I hadn't SPECIFICALLY said the only thing I want is a card I would not be pushed because he is not a mind reader but he KNEW it was all I wanted and still ignored it.

LegacyUser

I think you should give him a break. He's probably not to well up on the emotional front, and that's why he didn't get you a card-probably didn't know what to write in it!
If you're with him for a year, he must be decent. Thank him for the lovely dinner date, and stop giving the poor guy such a hard time!

MissFlitworth

am I a brat wrote: »

I did get him a card, in fact I ordered a special one with the date and spent a long time writing in it.

I don't want a fancy dinner, I wanted him to take some time and write a personal message to me. I told him a month before that we should have no presents or nights out, just a nice evening in with the two of us where we could exchange cards. He knew it was important to me because I told him, that's why I'm hurt. If I hadn't SPECIFICALLY said the only thing I want is a card I would not be pushed because he is not a mind reader but he KNEW it was all I wanted and still ignored it.

Does he normally do things that make you feel like he's ignoring what you want or was this a once off? I can totally understand wanting to get a lovely message from your boyfriend and being hurt when you put in the effort and he didn't but if he isn't inconsiderate normally then I do think you're putting way too much emphasis on the card

Ickle Magoo

am I a brat wrote: »

I did get him a card, in fact I ordered a special one with the date and spent a long time writing in it.

I don't want a fancy dinner, I wanted him to take some time and write a personal message to me. I told him a month before that we should have no presents or nights out, just a nice evening in with the two of us where we could exchange cards. He knew it was important to me because I told him, that's why I'm hurt. If I hadn't SPECIFICALLY said the only thing I want is a card I would not be pushed because he is not a mind reader but he KNEW it was all I wanted and still ignored it.

Why is it so important that you get to do exactly what you want on your anniversary and he has to follow your instructions to the letter about what you both do? You told him what you should both do? Told him what you wanted? The one thing completely missing from your post is any mention of what he wanted to do and why. Maybe that's why he ignored it?

LegacyUser

He asked me what I would like to do for the day, that's why I said the card and not dinner is what I would like. Sorry if its coming across like I "told him", he asked and said that's what we'd do but on the day told me we're going for dinner and just said thanks to me when I gave him my card.

Taltos

Life and relationships are not like pre-set menu's.

If you want it to be like that then find a doormat for yourself.
Should he have listened - maybe.
Do you want to be with someone who just does what he is told??

In the scheme of things if you got this annoyed with me I would be wondering if you were worth the hassle or even the price of the meal.

boarduser1980

am I a brat wrote: »

I did get him a card, in fact I ordered a special one with the date and spent a long time writing in it.

cards have more meaning to girls then to blokes. to a bloke a card is a waste of money, just a bit of cardboard, where to girls it is something meaningful. i used to have to remind ex's to buy me the most important thing at xmas, v.day, b'day etc 'a card'. Unfortunetly they dont think the same way as us. In fairness to him, he does seem to treat you well, most girls get nothing off their fella's, so be happy with what you have;)

santana75

Do you know how many women out there would love to be brought out for dinner on their anniversary? Or even to have somebody to share an anniversary with.
I dont want to be too harsh here but you do really need to take a step back and have a real look at this situation. Youre coming across as a demanding child. Sounds like you were trying to force the issue, giving this guy instructions on what you do and dont want. Just let things happen, let him decide what he wants to give you for your anniversary or whatever. Stop trying to control so much. Again, I dont think you realise how lucky you are.

metrovelvet

I know this is off topic but jesus christ I wish I had your problems.

desolate sun

OP I wanted my first boyfriend to write me love notes and say meaningful, romantic things and I was upset that I never got these things.
But I did get a boyfriend who cared and loved me and was my best friend.
I quickly realized that guys aren't like characters in a Jane Austen novel.
Most guys aren't comfortable doing or saying these things.
The fact that your boyfriend REMEMBERED your anniversary is actually a really romantic gesture in itself!

Greyfox

Seriously you've absolutely no right to be annoyed and are completely over-reacting! He did a lot more for your anniversary then what I did for my gf on our 1year anniversary

Wagon

Dump him.

A guy who is prepared to take you out to dinner and treat you to some nice food and a bit of a laugh but DOESNT WRITE A CARD is not a real man! He has no balls and if he does, one of them is a golf ball...

Ah no, im only joking. you sound like hard work.

Monkey61

Ah I think some people are being a bit harsh on the OP.

Yes it isn't the biggest relationship problem in the world on the surface, but as it was, she told him specifically what meant a lot to her and he entirely ignored her and did something else.

It's nice in a relationship to feel that your partner listens to you, understands you and wants to make you happy. All she wanted was a night in, and him to write down his feelings for her. He chose to ignore this with no apology and essentially threw some cash at her instead - which by the sounds of things is something that he does quite often, it wasn't just a once off.

It's my birthday soon and I have told my girlfriend that I don't want a present, don't want other people around etc, all I want is to get out into the countryside and spend the day with her. That's all. If she chose to ignore this and threw me a massive party or something - I'd be annoyed. Obviously I would appreciate the gesture, but I would wonder why she refused to listen to what I wanted and did what she wanted instead, even if it was a lovely thing to do.

Basically OP I would talk to him about it again and ask him why he wouldn't do something thoughtful and personal instead and find out if he genuinely just has a problem with stuff like that. Then if it turns out to be something that he will never do, it is up to you whether you accept this as part of your relationship or not.

Ickle Magoo

But that's for your birthday Monkey61, you have every right to say what you would or would not like to do for your birthday - would you be laying down the law telling your girlfriend what you want and don't want and telling her to buy you a card and to make sure you write some romantic poem in it for your shared anniversary?

Oryx

Your bf shows his love for you in a particular way. By buying dinner, spending money, whatever.

You understand showing love by the use of sentimental statements, cards, carefully chosen words.

There is nothing wrong with either approach, both of you show how you love each other. The problem is the difference between how you both understand and recieve these gestures. Its about your expectations versus what he sees as giving love to you. You need to explain -again- that buying dinner etc is all very well, but simple gestures mean an awful lot too.

Men can find themselves caught between a rock and a hard place in all this. A cliched example is a guy asking his girl 'dya want any chips love? She says no, and then eats half of his anyway. Your guy may have thought that if he didnt do the typical romantic gesture of dinner (even if you said it didnt matter) that youd get the hump. (I had a guy once who said we wouldnt exchange xmas gifts. So I bought him a nice card. He then presented me with a gift anyway, and broke up with me when I didnt have one for him. Such is life. ) Sometimes its safest to do the conventional thing regardless of what your oh has said to you!

It sounds like you have a pretty good relationship. Youve just got to accept that sometimes even your soulmate will misunderstand, or not do things how you like, in the long run youll have a lot bigger things to get through with him than the lack of a romantic card, and you need to keep your eyes on the bigger picture.

Eve_Dublin

OP I know myself I have serious difficulty sitting down at a certain, specified date to write something sentimental. When I do they´re contrived and disingenuous (even if I meant what I said the words lack sincerity). All the love letters and little notes I´ve ever written to the men I love have been on the spur of the moment. You can´t force expressions of love...they have to come on their own.

Okay, you´re angry at your OH but come on! How long are you going to keep on being angry for and what are you hoping to achieve? He messed up (in your opinion)...now it´s time to forgive and forget. Save the venom for the REAL problems.

LegacyUser

is that really what you are complaining about???

sorry but if it is a yes that the answer to your question is YES you are a brat!

Let me guess, you are early 20s hes 25 or so (even worst, your name is Julie).....you need to wake up and smell the coffee, those "issues" are nothing compare to what can or will be in the future, compromising is the key and if you are nagging him bout something as unsignificant as a damn anniversary card then you are on for a doomned ride

He was nice and kind enough to take you out for dinner, thinking probably that no means yes as most young girls can be confusing and you come around and complain for no card!

my advice is have a glass of water and take a deep breath and count yourself lucky to have a caring boyfriend cos sorry to say but by keeping on with your attitude and this will be your last anniversary.

good luck to you boyfriend

LegacyUser

I don't understand why everyone is thinking the OP is hard work.

She has said several times, that she clearly stated that things such as dinners nights out, presents etc (which all involve money) didn't mean much. She's not materialistic, and she's not a nag.

all she wanted was a card, that he wrote a lovely personal message to her in it. is that really such a bad thing?
So what if he couldn't find a card he liked, he could have made her a simple one. no cost involved.

yes it was nice he took her out to dinner, but its the little things that make you happy in a relationship. such as a card with a nice message in it. its the gesture.

However, this is not the worst dilemma in the world. but in fairness i can totally see why she would be annoyed.

metrovelvet

Yes she's upset because he didn't listen. It's liking telling someone you like vanilla icecream and they get you pistacchio because they think you'll like it better or because they like it better.

At the same time, he might not be the type to write out cards. And maybe by asking him to do this is asking him to be someone he is not. Or maybe you want someone who he is not.

But in the end, in the big scheme of things, none of it really matters. OP if you wanted a souvenir toput in a scrap book, you could have made one yourself, like take a matchbook from the restaurant he took you too, or the cork and label from the wine bottle.

I dunno. Gifts. They are a minefield.

LegacyUser

I personally can't stand cards, complete waste of a tree or part thereof. I would be of the same mind as your fella, card or dinner.. hmm... dinner:)..
Some of these cards cost more than main course never mind Desert!!

Even though you told him no dinner.. nice for him to be impusive/decisive.. thoughtful even....

Kingpin187

My mum and gf are the worst when it comes to cards..

I dont care for cards at all, but I will make sure I get them both one for whatever the occasion may be... its called effort, and yes he should be making a bit more of it.

Cionn

I remember asking oh for world peace you can imagine my disappointment when I turned on the news that evening,

Perhaps it might have been better to show some understanding of your oh and his personality and ask for something that would be easier to get. having us men putting emotions on record is a tall order for those that are marries let alone year one.

SheRa

Ok, on the surface of it, its not exactly a huge problem, being brought for dinner instead of getting a card, and yes of course its lovely that your bf remembered your anniversary.

But I suspect that this is much deeper than a card. I could be completely off here, but did the card mean so much to you as you were waiting for him to put down in words what you mean to him as perhaps you havent heard it (or rarely hear it?).

R.D. aka MR.D

am I a brat wrote: »

He asked me what I would like to do for the day, that's why I said the card and not dinner is what I would like. Sorry if its coming across like I "told him", he asked and said that's what we'd do but on the day told me we're going for dinner and just said thanks to me when I gave him my card.

I can't believe all the people being so harsh on the op.

He just said thanks after you gave him your card? After you had told him how important it was to you? No explanation other than he couldn't find one he liked.

many years ago when my OH couldn't find a valentines card that didn't say I Love You (we weren't there yet :rolleyes:) he made me one. Why? because he knew I am a card freak!

This is all about listening and being an attentive boyfriend. Anyone can buy some one dinner, thats easy but listening and being a good boyfriend takes effort.

Obviously don't go breaking up with the guy but make sure that he is treating you the way you want.

finbarrk

The op is a lucky woman to have a nice husband to take her out and spend money on her. Maybe he should have bought a card on the way home from work, scribbled some lovey dovey stuff on it, gave it to her with a kiss and headed to the high stool for the evening.

katie99

What is the big deal about a card? Did he tell you he loves you? Is that not enough?
You are so lucky that your boyfriend took you out for dinner and according to you asked what you would like to do for your anniversary.
The other point is a general one. What is the big deal about your first anniversary? You are not married and only going out a year, which is nothing. You are probably still getting to know each other.
I would lay off the pressure about a card and so forth and just try to get to know him better. 'Cos if you don't give him so slack, he will slacken off the relationship big time.

paperclip2

Why does it matter so much WHEN he shows you he loves you. An anniversary is just a date on a calendar. If hes up to the mark the remaining 364.25 days then surely thats what counts.

I've had my husband forget our anniversary and my birthday and on more than one occasion but I know he loves me because he doesn't wait for a date to show me or tell me so a bit of slack is allowable around dates methinks

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies. I guess a lot of people think I am overreacting but some people get why I'm annoyed. Why did he ask me what I would like as a present or like to do on the day if he was going to do what he wanted anyway? I was so hurt that he couldn't even be bothered to get the one thing I told him was important to me. His excuse was rubblish, he knows I don't care what the card is like, its the thoughts he would have written, even "I love you" in the card that mattered.

Like I said, if I expected him to be a mindreader I'd have no right to be annoyed but HE was the one who asked me what I'd like and I TOLD him, so he can't say he didn't know what was important to me, I spelled it out for him. Of course I loved the dinner and marking the day but I have done things he told me were important to him no problem, but he feels he can disregard doing the same because its too much hassle to find a card.

Cionn

I think there is a gender split on this topic. the Girlfriend believes that it was a small ask but it could have been something the bf wasn't comfortable with. Consider being asked to join your Bf for an away match for the local team and having to stand in the cold beside him and cheer them on, that could be considered the other side of the coin.

I think you may have to figure our whether your going to be low maintenance or high maintenance although the worst is someone who thinks they are low maintenance but is really high maintenance.

If I was the BF and found out that there was even a thread online relating to a small issue like this I would be questioning whether there is a future with this relationship. How would a serious topic be resolved ?

C

Maguined

Maybe your boyfriend thought that by you saying all you wanted was a card that he thought you deserved better than that and wanted to treat you to a nice meal instead, I think nearly every man in the world would rate a night out as being definitely better than getting someone a card so even if you said you wanted just a card he thought he was doing something better for you.

It's supposed to come down to "the thought that counts" is it not? so maybe he did not feel comfortable expressing the anniversary with a card and thought the dinner would be better, at the end of the day he is still thinking about you and treating you nicely so I think you need to focus on the big picture, you have a boyfriend that is putting in effort to treat you well even if he did not get it exactly to your specifications.

reprazant

am I a brat wrote: »

THis excuse was rubblish, he knows I don't care what the card is like, its the thoughts he would have written, even "I love you" in the card that mattered.

So, the card didn't matter? All you wanted was him writing something, anything, in the card?

I am so very confused by this. Surely, if it was just his thoughts you were after, him telling you he loved you would be enough?

If my girlfriend told me all she wanted was a card, I would presume she was just being nice and didn't want me to go spend money on her. But then, I was brought up to think that cards were an utter waste of money. I don't buy any cards if I can help it.

I can't help but think that this seems bizarrely like some sort of test. You asked for something really small, so when he did something big for you, you get all annoyed.

AngryBadger

am I a brat wrote: »

I know I'm going to sound like a brat but he brought me out for dinner and all I was thinking was "You did not listen to me and get me the one thing I asked for"

You're right, you do sound like a brat.

You told him you didn't want a present, ok you said you wanted a card, he said he couldn't find a good one, instead he went to the trouble of taking you out for a nice meal, which you spent sulking over a card, even though he'd obviously gone to the trouble of arranging to take you for dinner, which to me seems more involved than a card.

But then I'm crazy like that.

LegacyUser

am I a brat wrote: »

I did get him a card, in fact I ordered a special one with the date and spent a long time writing in it.

I don't want a fancy dinner, I wanted him to take some time and write a personal message to me. I told him a month before that we should have no presents or nights out, just a nice evening in with the two of us where we could exchange cards. He knew it was important to me because I told him, that's why I'm hurt. If I hadn't SPECIFICALLY said the only thing I want is a card I would not be pushed because he is not a mind reader but he KNEW it was all I wanted and still ignored it.

Hey op.i agree totally with u and from a male perspective,knowing how my oh likes to be treated well with nights away,meals and all in pampering, i understand that with a card it signifies feelings for her and puts the icing on the cake,she is a hmw but if push came to shove i know i could make her brown eyes light up with a verse or two on a card, he could of got the finger out,or even the laptop, logged on to moonpig,uploaded a photo,made a card,had it delivered(home or address) and sat back and had a satisfying look at the results. AllsInAnyWays, it seems his heart was in the right place(hit him for Neeeeew Shoooeees.)

ManOfMystery

In reference to your original question OP, ...... NO, you should not be annoyed with your bf.

You said all you wanted was a card, it's likely that he took that as meaning 'don't spend too much on me'. My gf says it all the time when there's an occasion. Now IMO you would have reason to be annoyed if you got no card and absolutely nothing else either, but he took you out for dinner - which takes more effort, time and thought than handing you an envelope. It also meant you got to spend a few hours together.

I kinda see your perspective on this - you wanted a card with a nice thoughtful message and didn't get it it - but I think it's slightly skewered and you're focusing far too much (fixating, perhaps) on the one thing your boyfriend didn't do, rather than what he actually did do. His actions expressed how he feels - many men who don't care at all simply don't take their partners out or treat them in any way. Give him a break.

Chocoholic84

Jeez OP you really are coming across like a completely spoilt child. And are there even cards you can get for "relationship" anniversaries? Never seen them...only wedding anniversaries.

first anniversary? Big deal. Me and my OH have been going out alomost 6 years and not once have we ever gotten each other a card. Instead we just mark it by going out to dinner and going halves. You did pay for ha;f the dinner I presume seeing as it was BOTH your anniversary and not just yours?

pickarooney

One year 'anniversary' of going out? This is something you need to buy a card for now, is it?
I can't imagine anything less romantic than being told what to get someone and for that something to be a stupid card.

At a rough guess, I'd say 88% of men who are told 'I don't want anything' or 'Just something small' understand that to mean 'use your imagination to get me something nice' and in 92% of those cases they would be right.

Smart Guy

You seem to forget that it was his anniversary as well. It was not just your celebration. You got taken out to dinner and all he got was a poxy card. Why should you dictate what both of you did for an anniversary.

I think people are being a little bitter here. It's not OP's fault that other people are single or have partners who don't bother about anything like this. She made it clear that she'd really like something and her boyfriend did something different. Yes, he probably was doing his best and yes, he sounds like a lovely bloke, but I can understand the issue. I probably would feel a little hurt that he didn't understand how important it was for me. I don't see the relevance that it's their 'shared' anniversary. I've been on a nice romantic holiday with a guy and ended up going to the pub to watch a match because he really wanted to. Even if it was 'our' holiday, I knew how much it meant to him and I hoped that if I'd had something I really wanted, he'd have gone along with it. I don't think people posting 'you're lucky to have a boyfriend at all' are being very fair.

Eve_Dublin

[quote=[Deleted User];67079718] I don't think people posting 'you're lucky to have a boyfriend at all' are being very fair.[/QUOTE]

I´m not in the slightest bit bitter but she IS lucky to have someone who loves her. Course she is. It looks like she´s not seeing the bigger picture here. Is she going to continue being thick with him or forgive and forget? I don´t see why she´s holding a grudge. Like I said in my last post, you can´t force expressions of love on a specified date.

If buying a card and writing "I love you" in it is what passes for romance these days, then I´m not sure what the Spanish do....impossible to buy any kind of card here. They just don´t do it as they obviously see it for what it is: 5 Euro more to line the pockets of the company executives who churn out these rubbish, corny, mass produced, insincere pieces of contrived, disposable cardboard shiite.

You´re dinner together is a memory you can cherish but you probably ruined it with your grumpiness. Move on OP.

Eve_Dublin

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

I´m not in the slightest bit bitter but she IS lucky to have someone who loves her. Course she is. It looks like she´s not seeing the bigger picture here. Is she going to continue being thick with him or forgive and forget? I don´t see why she´s holding a grudge. Like I said in my last post, you can´t force expressions of love on a specified date.

If buying a card and writing "I love you" in it is what passes for romance these days, then I´m not sure what the Spanish do....impossible to buy any kind of card here. They just don´t do it as they obviously see it for what it is: 5 Euro more to line the pockets of the company executives who churn out these rubbish, corny, mass produced, insincere pieces of contrived, disposable cardboard shiite.

You´re dinner together is a memory you can cherish but you probably ruined it with your grumpiness. Move on OP.

But I'm sure she knows that. But if someone posts about a nutty flatmate or a leaky tap, do you say 'well you're lucky to have a house at all?' I think OP does see the bigger picture but that doesn't mean she can't be bothered by little things sometimes. Relationships dissolve because of the 'little things' all the time. I agree that she should let it go now, but I do think the boyfriend should have listened a bit more. I think cards are stupid too, I don't expect them for myself, but I send them to some family members because I know they appreciate them and it makes them happy. It's not about what I think is cheesy and what I think is a good idea. I think that's what's being missed here.

Eve_Dublin

[quote=[Deleted User];67082908]But I'm sure she knows that. But if someone posts about a nutty flatmate or a leaky tap, do you say 'well you're lucky to have a house at all?' I think OP does see the bigger picture but that doesn't mean she can't be bothered by little things sometimes. Relationships dissolve because of the 'little things' all the time. I agree that she should let it go now, but I do think the boyfriend should have listened a bit more. I think cards are stupid too, I don't expect them for myself, but I send them to some family members because I know they appreciate them and it makes them happy. It's not about what I think is cheesy and what I think is a good idea. I think that's what's being missed here.[/QUOTE]

Fair enough but she has to let it go before and the boyfriend gets fed up this little thing becomes a massive thing and it doesn´t sound like she wants that to happen. She´s entitled to her anger but then she just has to let it go. I´m sure she´s made her point to her boyfriend. Nothing more can be done.

Men and women have very different ideas of romance sometimes and perhaps he didn´t realise at the time exactly HOW much it meant to her. Now he does. Lesson learned hopefully.

AngryBadger

[quote=[Deleted User];67079718]I think people are being a little bitter here. It's not OP's fault that other people are single or have partners who don't bother about anything like this. She made it clear that she'd really like something and her boyfriend did something different. Yes, he probably was doing his best and yes, he sounds like a lovely bloke, but I can understand the issue. I probably would feel a little hurt that he didn't understand how important it was for me. I don't see the relevance that it's their 'shared' anniversary. I've been on a nice romantic holiday with a guy and ended up going to the pub to watch a match because he really wanted to. Even if it was 'our' holiday, I knew how much it meant to him and I hoped that if I'd had something I really wanted, he'd have gone along with it. I don't think people posting 'you're lucky to have a boyfriend at all' are being very fair.[/QUOTE]

Just to weigh in on this from a guys perspective; I have an understanding of the notion that women feel guys should take the allusions/directives as gospel, and are to be chastised for straying too far from said directives/allusions, (NOTE:I say "understanding" that doesn't mean I agree with it).

However I rarely see (and I mean on these boards, as well as in the real world), any appreciation when a guy might not do something to the letter, or might mis-interpret something (such as not buying a card-which is just a piece of card in f-ing fairness- but arranging a nice meal instead), and is then in the doghouse for it. What I often see is women giving out yards about partners who are expected to be telepathic around people who don't appreciate it when they do make a legitimate effort.

Personally I think that's a complete BS double standard, and is as much a factor in many relationship problems as anything else.

To be clear, I'm aware that there are plenty of guys WHO ARE A-holes, and treat their partners with contempt, but that's NOT ALL guys.

Sound Bite

OP, I wouldn't worry too much.

This is not going to a an issue for you in the future because if you continue to make such a big deal out of what the vast majority of people consider a very trivial matter, there will be no card next year and more than likely no second anniversary and no boyfriend as no-one in their right mind would put up with this nonsense.

To answer your question you are acting like a brat (you did ask).

Ever heard of the expression, actions speak louder than words.
Its how he treats you that counts...grow up.

Stheno

I'm female and I do think you are acting like a brat.

My bf completely and utterly forgot our first anniversary despite me arriving home with a gift bag of goodies and taking him out for the night

That however pales into his remembering I've my eye on a toolset in Argos and reserving it for me, coming home out of the blue with some smelly candles just cos he remembered, arriving in with a bunch of flowers to cheer me up, or him trying to learn to cook so I don't have to do it all.

Now I'm fairly sentimental and have all sorts of momentos from our relationship, but I'd not place that much value on a card with a personal message.

Do you mind me asking your age?