What do the ladies think of the term Cougar

yourdeadwright

Simple question, would you be offended to called a cougar or if your not old enough what is your opion on the term cougar and the cougar's themself
Just intrested to what the ladies think seems to be one of the only think lads talk about these days,

Fago!

First of all, it's not the only thing we talk about. We occasionally talk about sport, our plans for global domination and skincare products at our annual meeting :rolleyes:

Secondly, if a someone likes someone, age means jackshiit. I don't think women should be labelled or critisized because they like or sleep with younger men!! It's a sexual preference, not a disease.

You lot have it easy anyway. The term cougar is a far cry better then what a man who goes for younger women is called - a pervert (not all the time but alot).

I've been "cougard" in the past :P

mood

It's stupid!

jokettle

My boyfriend calls me a cougar; I'm 3 months older than him :rolleyes:

Ickle Magoo

It's better than the equivalent "dirty auld man"...

Actually, I quite like it. Cougars are gorgeous, intelligent and powerful, it's probably more complimentary than insulting.

sam34

Fago! wrote: »

You lot have it easy anyway. The term cougar is a far cry better then what a man who goes for younger women is called - a pervert (not all the time but alot)

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

It's better than the equivalent "dirty auld man"...

Sugar daddy?

Scarinae

Since when are men that go out with younger women seen as perverts? I was always under the impression that people see them as being legends - see Jack Nicholson's character in that film Something's Gotta Give, where he dates loads of young nubile under-30 women until SHOCK HORROR he meets a woman who's kinda OLD that he's attracted to.

I think people are much more at ease with the man being older in a relationship for some reason... I'm just over a year older than my boyfriend and some people think that's a bit weird (Funnily enough, my brother and my sister are both also in relationships where the girl is older than the guy)

As for the term cougar - it sounds really predatory, I'm not sure I like the connotations of the word. But generally I think it's a good thing if people get more accepting of women going out with younger men

Ickle Magoo

sam34 wrote: »

Sugar daddy?

Daddy still implies dirty and perverted tho, doesn't it? When I think sugar daddy, I think dirty old man who has a big enough wallet to pay some young thing to hang onto his arm. It's still very derogatory compared with cougar...

Orla K

To be honest, I don't care. It's just a word that for me doesn't have much meaning.

But if I heard someone calling someone else a cougar I'd just think they watch too much american tv and not pay them too much attention.

sam34

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

Daddy still implies dirty and perverted tho, doesn't it? When I think sugar daddy, I think dirty old man who has a big enough wallet to pay some young thing to hang onto his arm. It's still very derogatory compared with cougar...

i think the same with sugar daddy.

but cougar kinda implies preying on someone vulnerable* though, so its somewhat similar.

*i know some people who date sugar daddies/cougars are far from vulnerable and are very calculating in what they are doing

Ickle Magoo

Yeah, I see what you mean about the praying on the vulnerable bit...outside of watching cougar town, I hadn't really thought about it!

seenitall

I loathe the term... and not only because now I am old enough to be considered one if I dare fancy someone 10 or so years younger!

I hate it because it is showing a clear case of double standards. If you think that a 40-odd year old man will have even an eyebrow raised at him if he gets off with a 30-odd or even 20-odd y.o. woman, you don't live in the real world ("dirty old man" will apply to a difference of more than 20 years, although I have yet to see press calling Michael Douglas or similar people dirty old men, while Demi Moore is an established "cougar" and "cradle-snatcher", courtesy of her husband's age). It is considered normal, and therefore no special labels needed. So then why put a label on the woman when it is the other way around? To single out and ridicule, that's why. Women of a certain age are still considered old and past it, and making a show of themselves if there are any signs that they may still be having a vigorous sexual life, while for men all bets are off. Nice and fair. Not. :mad:

EDIT: "Sugar Daddy" thing involves some kind of monetary or generally material transactions taking place, and here we are talking just about the age thing, therefore I don't think this term has anything to do with the discussion here.

sam34

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

Yeah, I see what you mean about the praying on the vulnerable bit...outside of watching cougar town, I hadn't really thought about it!

i dont even watch cougar town, but i read trashy magazines so am familiar with the term!

yourdeadwright

just personal id have thought it was a good thing, but id kinda only use it when talking of a good looking older who like younger guy but isnt what ud call easy ,

Nervous Wreck

Must we split hairs? It barely even means anything. It's not a pejorative term. It's barely even a term. Who cares?

Fago!

It's a nothing.

Emme

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

Must we split hairs? It barely even means anything. It's not a pejorative term. It's barely even a term. Who cares?

It just means that younger guys say to an older woman "Will you be my cougar?" instead of "Can I be your toyboy?":D

vicecreamsundae

i think the term makes those women sound predatory, like they're hunting for younger guys or something, so i don't really like it when i think of the term 'cougar', i don't just think of a regular woman who likes younger guys, i think of a woman who is very concerned with appearing younger and hot, and fake, so yeah i don't really like the term though i'm all for women getting with younger men!
i'm only 25, so too young to be called a cougar, but i usually go for guys a couple years younger. it's not on purpose, i'll often mistake them for being my age or older at first [that's beards for ya!] but i seem to be attracted to them, i suppose in general, younger guys seem more fun and enthusiastic and less concerned with settling down or focusing on their career -probably the same reasons some guys go for younger women. of course there are exceptions to that, but overall i think it's a fair observation.

while i don't like the term cougar, i like there's now this common knowledge that yes, older women have sexual urges too and aren't always looking for men who can 'provide for' or 'protect' them.

Wibbs

seenitall wrote: »

I hate it because it is showing a clear case of double standards. If you think that a 40-odd year old man will have even an eyebrow raised at him if he gets off with a 30-odd or even 20-odd y.o. woman, you don't live in the real world.

+1. You can dress it up with labels like cougar, but the fact is a 35 year old woman with a 25 year old man will be regarded with a lot more social suspicion than the reverse case. It may be on the surface "you go girl!" but under the surface?

Goes triple if they actually have a proper relationship. A fling is all fine and dandy, but if they get serious, you'll see the sideways looks come out. IME anyway. I know two women where they're the older of the pair(8 years in both cases) and both guys families have issues with it. Theyre all nice and polite, but there is a definite undercurrent of "why isnt he with a woman his own age" kinda thing. Far more than if the guy is 8 years older. It would need the guy to be 10 years older plus for it to come close IMHO.

Smallbit

The term is peurile. But really, the only thing that annoys me is that at my age (45), I only need to be out socially without my partner to be labelled a cougar.

Honestly, the worst chat-up line I've heard was when a younger guy approached myself and a friend in a bar and asked "what's a fine pair of cougars like youse two doing drinking alone..?"

Malari

The world conservation union lists the cougar as a "least concern" species.

Which is how I view the term. It's tabloidy and nonsensical. :cool:

reprazant

Until the tv program came out, I had never heard of the term and have still never heard it used outside of that program and Boards.

None of my friends have used it, or even mentioned it as far as I know. I do not know who these lads are where it is all they talk about.

Kooli

Wibbs wrote: »

+1. You can dress it up with labels like cougar, but the fact is a 35 year old woman with a 25 year old man will be regarded with a lot more social suspicion than the reverse case. It may be on the surface "you go girl!" but under the surface?

Yup.
I find it interesting how in movies the male romantic lead is often between 10 and 20 years older than the female, and that's not even anything of note, but the only time it's the other way round is if that's the actual point of the movie.

I'm not sure it's necessarily sexist, or just a reflection of norms in society. It frankly is more normal to see older guys with younger girls than the other way around.

Emme

Kooli wrote: »

Yup.
I'm not sure it's necessarily sexist, or just a reflection of norms in society. It frankly is more normal to see older guys with younger girls than the other way around.

It's actually more normal to see older guys with younger girls that with women their own age! And the older guys get the less they are interested in women their own age or within an asses bawl of it. It's not as if Irish guys age particularly well either! :mad::mad::mad:

BumbleB

The disco in the Arlington (knightsbridge) is now called cougars

Emme

BumbleB wrote: »

The disco in the Arlington (knightsbridge) is now called cougars

A good name! I was only there once and it was real grab-a-granny stuff, I actually felt young! But you have to feel sorry for us girls no longer in our 20s - Knightsbridge Cougars is the only place where we can score!

ash23

I'm undecided about it.

For me when I hear it, it conjures up a positive image of an older woman. Powerful, sexy, independent, attractive to men, looks after herself etc. But also old. And no woman likes to be called old.

Emme

ash23 wrote: »

I'm undecided about it.

For me when I hear it, it conjures up a positive image of an older woman. Powerful, sexy, independent, attractive to men, looks after herself etc. But also old. And no woman likes to be called old.

+1. I think that a woman is perceived to be "old" at a younger age now than she would have been 10 years ago.

ash23

Emme wrote: »

+1. I think that a woman is perceived to be "old" at a younger age now than she would have been 10 years ago.

I was out with some mates and they were called cougars. One is early 30s and the other mid 30s. To me that was offensive.
But if my mum were called a cougar I'd be chuffed for her

beegirl

I never even knew what a 'cougar' was until very recently.... apart from actual cougars of course...

I think it's kind of funny but I'm turning 30 in a couple of weeks and if someone called me a cougar I'd probably punch them in the face :mad: Maybe once you hit 40/50 it becomes a compliment rather than an insult :rolleyes:

Emme

beegirl wrote: »

I never even knew what a 'cougar' was until very recently.... apart from actual cougars of course...

I think it's kind of funny but I'm turning 30 in a couple of weeks and if someone called me a cougar I'd probably punch them in the face :mad: Maybe once you hit 40/50 it becomes a compliment rather than an insult :rolleyes:

I think it's an insult at any age. It's the female equivalent of "sugardaddy". It can be funny though, I was out one night and this young guy came up to me and said "would you like to be my cougar?"

I think his mates put him up to it.:D

Quality

I think cougar is acceptable, i find it funny... Its the MILF one that annoys me...

Elmer Blooker

A quick google has just told me what I already knew, this Cougar Town tripe is the creation of two men, Bill Lawrence and Kevin Biegel. Like "bored housewives" and yer one Samantha in Sex And The City, Cougars only exist in male fantasies. That's my opinion anyway.

BumbleB

when I think of cougar ,bright red lipstick,tonnes of fake tan ,fake leopardskin tops , uhhh [shudders]:eek:

Maguined

Maybe its the fact i am a guy but i always viewed the label as a positive thing.

Society does view men dating younger women as more normal than the reverse so it is not uncommon for a man to date a woman significantly younger than himself and it was judged as odd if it was a woman dating a man significantly younger than herself.

The implication behind this to me was always one of wealth hence the term sugar daddy, the perception is that a younger woman would choose an older man because even though he might not be as physically attractive as younger men her own age its the older mans greater wealth and status that makes him attractive. As society has moved on i think a mans assets and wealth is less of attraction has had been in the past as women are now earning the same as men so they are not viewing their potential partners as a provider anymore and so are judging their attraction more on their physical and personality.

So for men in the past his role was the provider so there was no desire to seek out an older woman than himself for her wealth so the primary attractions have always been the physical and personality, with the younger a woman is the implied greater physical attraction. This brought about the concept of the "spinster" a woman past her prime and now no longer capable of attracting a man as the men would always look past this woman and go for the younger women, i think the concept of the spinster has declined dramatically due to womens lib meaning womens primary concern is not the attraction of a mate and forming of a family if that woman so chooses. Now that women can choose to prioritise their careers and coupled with the fact that with modern medicine we are living much longer lives it means women can have families later in life if they so choose or not need to be concerned with families at all. This has resulted in older (i am using the term as would be judged by past societies and not my personal view) women still concerning themselves with their appearance because they choose to because they want to look good for themselves not because they feel they need to look good to attract a man.

So i think there are far more older (again please take umbrage with this term) women out there that firstly look great because they are taking care of their bodies, and are also more confidant with themselves as they do not consider themselves a spinster just because they are not married with 2 kids before they hit 30. And this has meant that men are far more likely to find an older woman attractive than he was likely to 50 odd years ago, back then i think far more women would have been married before 30 and the ones that were not probably felt a greater sense of social pressure due to not being married and may not have bothered looking after their appearance as they may have only done it for the purpose of attracting a man than for their own happiness.

So i always view the term cougar as a positive compliment, simply because i will be honest and admit i generally find women my own age or slightly younger than me more attractive than women older than me, but at the same time it is not very uncommon for me to find a significantly older woman than me to be extremely attractive and hence i would label her a cougar. And i think it is a good thing that there are far more cougars out there than there probably would have been 50 years ago as there are more women not under the pressure to conform to a social expectation to have a family as young as possible and they are just living their lives as they enjoy.

Emme

Maguined wrote: »

Maybe its the fact i am a guy but i always viewed the label as a positive thing.

Society does view men dating younger women as more normal than the reverse so it is not uncommon for a man to date a woman significantly younger than himself and it was judged as odd if it was a woman dating a man significantly younger than herself.

The implication behind this to me was always one of wealth hence the term sugar daddy, the perception is that a younger woman would choose an older man because even though he might not be as physically attractive as younger men her own age its the older mans greater wealth and status that makes him attractive. As society has moved on i think a mans assets and wealth is less of attraction has had been in the past as women are now earning the same as men so they are not viewing their potential partners as a provider anymore and so are judging their attraction more on their physical and personality.

So for men in the past his role was the provider so there was no desire to seek out an older woman than himself for her wealth so the primary attractions have always been the physical and personality, with the younger a woman is the implied greater physical attraction. This brought about the concept of the "spinster" a woman past her prime and now no longer capable of attracting a man as the men would always look past this woman and go for the younger women, i think the concept of the spinster has declined dramatically due to womens lib meaning womens primary concern is not the attraction of a mate and forming of a family if that woman so chooses. Now that women can choose to prioritise their careers and coupled with the fact that with modern medicine we are living much longer lives it means women can have families later in life if they so choose or not need to be concerned with families at all. This has resulted in older (i am using the term as would be judged by past societies and not my personal view) women still concerning themselves with their appearance because they choose to because they want to look good for themselves not because they feel they need to look good to attract a man.

So i think there are far more older (again please take umbrage with this term) women out there that firstly look great because they are taking care of their bodies, and are also more confidant with themselves as they do not consider themselves a spinster just because they are not married with 2 kids before they hit 30. And this has meant that men are far more likely to find an older woman attractive than he was likely to 50 odd years ago, back then i think far more women would have been married before 30 and the ones that were not probably felt a greater sense of social pressure due to not being married and may not have bothered looking after their appearance as they may have only done it for the purpose of attracting a man than for their own happiness.

So i always view the term cougar as a positive compliment, simply because i will be honest and admit i generally find women my own age or slightly younger than me more attractive than women older than me, but at the same time it is not very uncommon for me to find a significantly older woman than me to be extremely attractive and hence i would label her a cougar. And i think it is a good thing that there are far more cougars out there than there probably would have been 50 years ago as there are more women not under the pressure to conform to a social expectation to have a family as young as possible and they are just living their lives as they enjoy.

This is not the point of view I have come to expect from some of the men on boards but it is a breath of fresh air and truly inspirational. Thanks Maguined from all women of "cougar" age!:D

Maguined

Emme wrote: »

This is not the point of view I have come to expect from some of the men on boards but it is a breath of fresh air and truly inspirational. Thanks Maguined from all women of "cougar" age!:D

While it may of been a long drawn out explanation I think it is probably the same core point even if it is some drunk guy coming up and asking a woman in a nightclub to be his cougar, while not the most charming approach it should still be considered a positive compliment even if his advance is still rejected, at the end of the day the guy still thought the woman was attractive enough to approach and chance his arm and that is still a flattering thing.

"older" women are increasingly being considered viable and more importantly desirable and attractive options to a young man while in the past they probably would not have been considered an option at all.

I know whenever I am having banter with my mates the term cougar is always positive and if we hear a young male had an encounter with a cougar we always make comments to him out of jealousy as we all consider him lucky and it has never been a negative thing to us, not for the young man and certainly not for the cougar lady.

elleburp

I'd rather be a called cougar than a maneater

BumbleB

elleburp wrote: »

I'd rather be a called cougar than a maneater

Or an oul wan .

jill_valentine

I kinda like the term. As somebody else noted, to me the term has positive and sexy connotations. I've yet to hear the word used as an insult. It seems to me a signal of a changing social attitude to older ladies, too, I mean I can't imagine the term emerging a decade or so ago.

Also, cougars are awesome, so if you're going to have some kind of animal nickname you could go far worse. Raaaaar.

AnnyHallsal

Sorry to drag this up, but it's for the purposes of research, and I'm really interested in people's opinions, male and female, positive and negative?

Did anyone happen to read India Knight's opinion piece from August 22nd?

Unsurprisingly, she hated the cougar idea. She said that it was all a myth, that it forced women into being sexy when they should be tired old gradmas curled up with a good book (she really did).

Now my perception is that there is definitely a positive side to this. Actresses used to complain about playing Mom roles at 30, and though this still happens, there seems to be more recognition of older women as sexy. Maybe it's just my OH, but he's often lolling his tongue at Helen Mirren, Cherie Lunghi, Felicity Kendal etc and he's 25.

Unlike Knight, I don't think it forces women to be sexy .. but it offers the possibility, which they may accept or reject. Surely that's better than labelling everyone over 40 tired old grandma??

seenitall

I like India Knight lots, she makes a lot of sense, but sometimes, just sometimes, there is a tiny bit of middle-class smugness showing through in her pieces. I haven't read the piece you are talking about, but it does sound like it would fit the bill on that count...

In this case, I would agree with you rather than her.

AnnyHallsal

Thanks, seenitall. Here's an excerpt if anyone's interested:

India Knight, from "The Hit and Myth of Cougars," Sunday Times, 22 August 2010:

" They were supposed to represent a sort of a post-feminist Triumph of the Older Woman ...

If none of this rang true, it was because none of it was real ...
cougars exist only in Hollywood ...

the invention of cougardom seemed to be just another way of sneaking in the fact that women aren’t allowed to get old anymore. Like sad old Samantha from Sex and the City, cougars were a piece of misogyny dressed up and repackaged as a feminist triumph.

Cougardom was presented as empowered, liberated and celebratory as well as non-ageist: hooray for the sexy grandmas. What it actually meant was: it is your duty as a woman to remain sexy and desirable until you’re 102 and welded to your rocking chair. So don’t think your advanced age exempts you from your duty to be desirable and frisky ... we can’t cope with the idea that older women might like pottering about listening to the radio before having not particularly incendiary sex with their husbands – or indeed having no sex and curling up with a novel instead. We have to turn them into armies of sexual predators instead and then – absurdly – claim this somehow constitutes some kind of great women-friendly triumph. It’s tiresome.

I’m bored with the way things that are clearly not remotely women-friendly automatically have to be reclaimed in some amusing post-modern, post-feminist way: see also burlesque (stripping, as it used to be known), lap-dancing clubs (bars for selazeballs), dressing “glamorously” (or “like a prostitute” in my day). We all seem to engage with the huge communal lie that these things somehow constitute heroic achievements for the female sex, that they are great new freedoms. They aren’t: all they do is place unbearable pressure on women and make them feel inadequate.

... Nobody wondered why oler women couldn’t just be left in peace to do whatever they were doing – whther making jam or shagging the gardener – without having to be dragged into the pronification of the universe, where nobody is too old or young to be sexy. ... at least you can put the zip-up bootees back on now and take off the basque: the cougar is dead, thank goodness. Welcome back, grandma."

seenitall

Thanx for that, AH.

Yup. She went way OTT there. I myself am not a fan of the term "cougar" (see my earlier post in this thread), but I really don't see this article making much sense or being based in the reality for women nowadays. There are plenty of content-looking grannies on the streets, as far as I can see, and there always were, without any cougar-pressurising interludes at any point in time. Bless them.

Piste

seenitall wrote: »

I loathe the term... and not only because now I am old enough to be considered one if I dare fancy someone 10 or so years younger!

I hate it because it is showing a clear case of double standards. If you think that a 40-odd year old man will have even an eyebrow raised at him if he gets off with a 30-odd or even 20-odd y.o. woman, you don't live in the real world ("dirty old man" will apply to a difference of more than 20 years, although I have yet to see press calling Michael Douglas or similar people dirty old men, while Demi Moore is an established "cougar" and "cradle-snatcher", courtesy of her husband's age). It is considered normal, and therefore no special labels needed. So then why put a label on the woman when it is the other way around? To single out and ridicule, that's why. Women of a certain age are still considered old and past it, and making a show of themselves if there are any signs that they may still be having a vigorous sexual life, while for men all bets are off. Nice and fair. Not. :mad:

EDIT: "Sugar Daddy" thing involves some kind of monetary or generally material transactions taking place, and here we are talking just about the age thing, therefore I don't think this term has anything to do with the discussion here.

I don't know about that, if I were with a guy in his 40s- even a guy in his 30s (I'm 19, the same would hold true when I'm 20)- my friends and family would find it very weird and would view him with suspicion.

ash23 wrote: »

I'm undecided about it.

For me when I hear it, it conjures up a positive image of an older woman. Powerful, sexy, independent, attractive to men, looks after herself etc. But also old. And no woman likes to be called old.

Yeah that's the image I get when I think of a cougar- not some desperate aul' one.

Snowie

What so what a womans older then me dont mean shes a cougar the same way it don't mean if i was with an older woman I'm her freakin toy boy.. :mad: