NO want

LegacyUser

Hi, just wondering what other opinions are on this.

I have just started a house share with what I thought was just gonna be two other women. I was happy with this arrangment.

The Live in LL obviously was keen to rent out the third room, so it goes to a guy. A complete stranger.

There is no lock on my door and I feel like I have no privacy now.

I really wanted to rent with women, just because I've had such bad experiences living with men, and wanted an end to it all.

I wonder will my life always be like this, never getting to decide, for financial reasons, who it is I live with, but always at te mercy and whim of LL's who will turnover tenants to their hearst contents for profit.

I would live alone, but cant afford it.
I dont want to live with a man, but dont want to seem like a prima donna by saying so.
The LL asked me what I thought of him. He came over to meet me and the other tenant, and mentioned during the conversation that he was to seek my approval ! ?

This complete stranger does not have my approval, but because ive just placidly agreed to go along with this, he thinks he has. !!!!!

Girls, what do you think.

gagomes

I personally think you have to work on your trust issues but if that is not enough, the locksmiths are your next best bet. In any case, I'm not a girl.

WellyJ

I pity any chap who ends up having to live with you to be honest. Poor lad isn't even given a chance?

tenchi-fan

I'm not a girl but here's my opinion.

You did not agree with the landlord that he will only rent out to girls! There is no reason for a landlord to discriminate against half his potential tenants when it seems you did not even mention to him at the outset (or since!) that you do not feel comfortable with men. When I was house-share hunting I saw many places which were advertised as female only. You should probably look for one of these house shares.

Don't forget, he could put in a woman who you deem unsuitable. An ideal option would have been offering to find a housemate for your landlord, that way you could interview potential housemates. You could also offer to take on the entire lease and sub-let the other rooms to people of your choice.

LegacyUser

Did you discuss these feelings with the landlady at all?
I think you should and ask for a key for your bedroom. Also as tenchifan said you can get houseshares with females only it'll say so on the ad. I think you should sit down and discuss your issues with the other housemates. I understand what the others are saying about giving the guy a chance but if you were under the impression it was females only than it is fair enough to talk about this to them

Nevyn

IF you are not happy with it then give you notice and find somewhere else.

Firetrap

You're being very judgemental about your new house mate before you even get to know him. I can understand why you're resentful about having someone new foisted upon you if you were comfortable with the previous arrangement but perhaps things won't be as bad as you think. You're painting the entire male gender with very broad brush strokes here.

The best thing to do is to give this new man a chance and try not to be paranoid. It's not his fault that he's a stranger and a man. If it turns out that you're not happy with things, move.

gubbie

So you were asked your opinion and you said yes but what you really meant was no?

I don't see why you may think girls are more trustworthy then guys? Or did you know the other two girls before?

Believe me if you are actually living with the landlady nothing is going to go wrong because she won't put up with it.

Why would you ever move in with your landlady?!

And if you really don't like it, ask your landlady to put a lock on the door (probably best not mention the exact reason why)

Funnily enough if your male house mate does ever find out your behavior towards him you're gonna be imortalised in one of those "I once lived with this girl that..." stories

LegacyUser

There is no lock on my door and I feel like I have no privacy now.

Ask your land lady to fit your door with a lock

and maybe go see a professional about your trust/men issues*

*thats meant nicely and not viciously

LegacyUser

I agree it is a very reasonable request that you should have a key to your room.

OS119

its your problem - you were asked to 'ok' the new tennent and confirm to the LL that they were acceptable to you. they weren't, but you said they were anyway.

so you moan about people not taking you views into consideration despite not actually communicating those views - indeed doing the opposite.

did the advert say you'd be living with a mind-reader?

your wish to live in a female only environment is fine, lots of people do, and the rental market enables that - but only if you actually make the choice to seek female only accommodation.

you're problem isn't with living with men, its with basic cause/effect logic.

Giblet

darwinsad wrote: »

This complete stranger does not have my approval, but because ive just placidly agreed to go along with this, he thinks he has. !!!!!

Girls, what do you think.

You sound like a prima donna. Get over yourself, and move out if it bothers you. You agreed to go along with it, and the LL isn't doing this for profits, they have a mortgage to pay.

darwinsad

darwinsad wrote: »

Hi, just wondering what other opinions are on this.

I have just started a house share with what I thought was just gonna be two other women. I was happy with this arrangment.

Did you tell the landlady you only wanted to live with women?

The Live in LL obviously was keen to rent out the third room, so it goes to a guy. A complete stranger.

Completely normal.

There is no lock on my door and I feel like I have no privacy now.

Ask for a lock as I think every tenant should be entitled to one, but why would you have no privacy because one of your flatmates is a man?

I really wanted to rent with women, just because I've had such bad experiences living with men, and wanted an end to it all.

So rent your own place, or insist that you only want to live with women and get it written into the contract.

I wonder will my life always be like this, never getting to decide, for financial reasons, who it is I live with, but always at te mercy and whim of LL's who will turnover tenants to their hearst contents for profit.

When you don't even make your views known, yes, it will always be like that. House sharing always requires compromise. You can't expect to live in someone else's house and make all the decisions, but if you feel strongly about something, say so! You're an adult, not a 5 year old.

I would live alone, but cant afford it.
I dont want to live with a man, but dont want to seem like a prima donna by saying so.
The LL asked me what I thought of him. He came over to meet me and the other tenant, and mentioned during the conversation that he was to seek my approval ! ?

This complete stranger does not have my approval, but because ive just placidly agreed to go along with this, he thinks he has. !!!!!

Girls, what do you think.

I think you need to grow a backbone. You don't want to live with a man, but you were afraid to say so. So now the guy is moving in, you expect the landlady to somehow realise that you're not happy, even though you were asked and you said it was fine. Can you not see the issue here? If you didn't want it, you should have said so. Now you're most likely going to take your frustration out on this 'complete stranger' who has done nothing wrong. And he DOES have your approval as far as he's concerned, because you went along without saying anything. If you're too afraid to voice your opinion because of what people might think, then you have to live with the consequences. I don't think wanting to live with women is that unreasonable of a request but it is when you don't make it clear to the landlady!

dudara

darwinsad wrote: »

This complete stranger does not have my approval, but because ive just placidly agreed to go along with this, he thinks he has. !!!!!

This is a contradictory statement. You agreed to it. Therefore the man logically thinks that you're OK with it. Don't blame him or give him a raw deal because of this. That wouldn't be fair.

If you were not OK with a man moving in, then you should have said so. You probably had numerous opportunities.

Cheap Thrills!

darwinsad wrote: »

I dont want to live with a man, but dont want to seem like a prima donna by saying so.
The LL asked me what I thought of him. He came over to meet me and the other tenant, and mentioned during the conversation that he was to seek my approval ! ?

This complete stranger does not have my approval, but because ive just placidly agreed to go along with this, he thinks he has. !!!!!

I don't understand why you didn'y say something when you had the chance.....you were asked and you didn't object, but as you said you went along with it....but now your're pissed off?

The landlady is not a mind reader!!

I say give him a chance. I know you say you've had bad experieces in the past but all men are different, like all women.

StormWarrior

I'm surprised that the doors don't have locks on them in the first place.

JonathanAnon

If you are completely adamant about not living with guys, then you should have made this precondition with the landlord (i.e. that only girls would be taken in as tenants). However, the landlord may not have agreed to this..

Secondly, you were provided with the opportunity to voice your concerns. You should have done so at this point.

So if living with a guy is really that much of an issue for you, I think you should move out.

LegacyUser

Ok ,

Thanks for the replies.
I know I had numero oportunites to say I didnt want to live with man, but dont want to come across as a prima donna as I said before.

His door, strangly enough had keys hanging out of it for the two days before he moved in, so he must have specifically requested them, which I will now be doing also.

I will look into moving again. Pretty depressing though, as Ive only just moved.

give me a little dank hovel to live in, or a house full of bitchy women anyday.

28064212

darwinsad wrote: »

give me a little dank hovel to live in, or a house full of bitchy women anyday.

Instead of one guy who you know nothing about? You've got bigger issues than just finding somewhere new to live or not speaking up when you had the chance. Your attitude towards men is pretty worrying

Cheap Thrills!

darwinsad wrote: »

I know I had numero oportunites to say I didnt want to live with man, but dont want to come across as a prima donna as I said before.

But you can't have it all ways. Anyway the Landlady would hardly have asked your opinion and then called you a Primadonna for being honest.

I'm not sure if something bad happened in your past and thats totally your own business.

I suppose the best thing is to make sure it's agreed to be a female household before you move in the next time. It will save you the hassle.

The fella could be alright, are you not willing to even try it and see...?

gagomes

You should consider seeking professional help to work on your androphobia/misandry pathologies before it turns into something serious (e.g, you start an argument with the fella) - this will make you appreciate living in a community of mixed genders and enjoying it without feeling conscious or afraid he may be sniffing your socks or browsing your magazines while you're at work.

In my country we usually say that: "Those who distrust a lot, are not to be trusted".

mrsdewinter

gagomes wrote: »

You should consider seeking professional help to work on your androphobia/misandry pathologies before it turns into something serious (e.g, you start an argument with the fella) - this will make you appreciate living in a community of mixed genders and enjoying it without feeling conscious or afraid he may be sniffing your socks or browsing your magazines while you're at work.

In my country we usually say that: "Those who distrust a lot, are not to be trusted".

Jebus... cut OP some slack, will you? The Equal Rights brigade may take issue with me but loads of people who rent have certain quirks about who they would like to share their homes with. Say, the 22-year-old who doesn't want to have to make conversation with a 44yo of an evening. Or the house full of young engineering graduates who'd rather not have a 36yo female civil servant cramp their style.
OP must know by now that she should have shouted up if she didn't want this guy to move in. Maybe, after this new chap moves in, she'll find there's a great dynamic in the house and the experience will change her outlook. Maybe, gagomes, you'll stop making sweeping assumptions about people based on the tiny glimpses into their lives provided here. Just maybe...

28064212

mrsdewinter wrote: »

Jebus... cut OP some slack, will you? The Equal Rights brigade may take issue with me but loads of people who rent have certain quirks about who they would like to share their homes with. Say, the 22-year-old who doesn't want to have to make conversation with a 44yo of an evening. Or the house full of young engineering graduates who'd rather not have a 36yo female civil servant cramp their style.
OP must know by now that she should have shouted up if she didn't want this guy to move in. Maybe, after this new chap moves in, she'll find there's a great dynamic in the house and the experience will change her outlook. Maybe, gagomes, you'll stop making sweeping assumptions about people based on the tiny glimpses into their lives provided here. Just maybe...

Except it's clear that this isn't a "quirk". She clearly has issues with all men. If she had just come in here and said she would have preferred to live in an all-woman house, and hadn't spoken up, that would be fine. Instead she refers to the guy as a "complete stranger" multiple times, even though she doesn't appear to have known the girls in the house either, and that "I feel like I have no privacy now", You seriously don't think the statement "give me a little dank hovel to live in, or a house full of bitchy women anyday" indicates serious issues?

She clearly doesn't want to discover a "great dynamic" that will change her outlook, she's already made the decision to move again

gagomes

mrsdewinter wrote: »

Jebus... cut OP some slack, will you? The Equal Rights brigade may take issue with me but loads of people who rent have certain quirks about who they would like to share their homes with. Say, the 22-year-old who doesn't want to have to make conversation with a 44yo of an evening. Or the house full of young engineering graduates who'd rather not have a 36yo female civil servant cramp their style.
OP must know by now that she should have shouted up if she didn't want this guy to move in. Maybe, after this new chap moves in, she'll find there's a great dynamic in the house and the experience will change her outlook. Maybe, gagomes, you'll stop making sweeping assumptions about people based on the tiny glimpses into their lives provided here. Just maybe...

Maybe you should glimpse the full thread before making sweeping statements about what I posted earlier and cop on?

I also have preferences with regards to the place where I live and with whom I am sharing it with. That's why I chose to live alone, but make no confusion...there's a thin line between a 'preference' and a 'phobia', the latter is exhibited by the OP here in this thread.

LegacyUser

Well, I don't understand why are upset, why should you let that guy get to you. Its your right to live there and make yourself at home there because it is your home for now, you are paying rent, why give in to him. Is that guys life so sad and boring that he has nothing better to do that coming to his girlfriends house and seeing who the new tenant is, that is sad. Its their job to get to know you, they all know each other, you know none of them. Its hard to get to know a group of people that all know each other. A house is a place to live its purpose is to provide safe and secure conditions to live . Because you live with others doesn't mean you have to meet the social needs of the people living in the house and the occupants are not oblighed to meet your socials needs. There is will always be personality clashes and people should just agree to differ and live and let live. If they responsible, civil and honest then things should go ok. If they are not, that is their problem you might have to talk to them but it can be hard to resaon with ignorant people. I would ask the landlord as soon as possible to put a lock on your door.