Would you accept your son/daughter being gay?

lonelyguy

Hi!
Would you accept your son/daughter being gay?
Would you find it hard or easy?
Would you prefere your child to be straight?

nesf

I would have no problems accepting it. It would be easy enough for me. I wouldn't be bothered that they weren't straight. Homosexuality isn't a lifestyle choice, if they're gay they're gay and you might as well get over it and get on with things.

silverharp

tbh, I'd say my initial reaction would be to be disappointed on the simple assumption that one might have the expectation that they have a family of their own some day in particular if talking about a son. After that , it would just be a case of accepting it and moving on. I'd lke to think that I wouldnt be embarrassed or anything as was said above its not a lifestyle choice.

smelltheglove

I have a few members of family gay on my side and my husbands. Both families differ hugely in how they approach it. My own family were not quite accepting having said that the 2 cousins that did 'come out' first were over 10 yrs ago. Most recently about 3 yrs ago one cousin came out and her father was very unsure, very distraught and upset about how much harder her life would be. Now looking at my husbands side there are 2 members of his family who are openly gay, the eldest agin would have been a long time ago, now I know he is completely accepted although I am not sure about how his father reacted to it the way things are is it is just normal. The second member of my husbands family again woud have come out over 10 yrs ago, I know her parents were quite upset but understanding. Both of these live open lives, they do not hide their sexuality and are accepted completely byt the whole family. Our wedding was around the time my cousin came out and her father seemed to relax a huge amount when he saw how accepted the 2 members of my husbands family were. I think a lot of upset and denial is down to confusion and lack of understanding.

For me, I have 2 girls and I am sure I would wonder about them having children of their own but other than that no, I dont think it would upset me, maybe because I have such immediate interaction with people who are homosexual but as said before, it is not a lifestyle choice it is just the way people are and denying their sexuality would be like denying their individuality.

Re your question of preference, I wouldn't state a preference either way but it cannot be denied that life would run smoother if they were straight, obviously its not a choice they have to make but not everyone is as openly accepting of the gay community.

KittyeeTrix

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest......

If I had a choice I would prefer that they were straight but only because I know their life would be easier with less criticism and hardship than if they were gay.......but for me it wouldn't matter one iota:)

Moonbeam

They would still be the same child that i had loved and brought up. I might be slightly disappointed about the lack of grandkids but otherwise it would make absolutely no difference.

You trying to assess how your family will accept it?

StormWarrior

I'd be worried that they would face prejudice, but aside from that I wouldn't be bothered at all. I know someone who's getting married soon and hopes to start a family right away and he says that if he has a gay child he will tell them that they disgust him, throw them out of the house and refuse to let them take his name! My sister, who is in the process of settling down with her OH right now, tells us regularly that she hopes she has a gay son so that they can go handbag shopping together. IMO you choose to bring the kid into the world, you should accept them however they are. I find it infuriating when parents don't accept their kid because the kid doesn't live up to their expectations, whether it be through their sexuality, career choice, or whatever.

Ickle Magoo

Wouldn't bother me at all, any more than finding out they were a boy or girl when they were born...

StormWarrior

btw the not having kids thing is a moot point nowadays. Just because the person is gay, doesn't mean they won't have kids and vice versa. I am straight and my parents have accepted that they are never getting any grandkids from me, ever.

maccer666

IMO if you cant except it, then the child is better off without you,either you love your child or you dont,it should not change if they tell you their gay.

Beruthiel

lonelyguy wrote: »

Would you accept your son/daughter being gay?
Would you find it hard or easy?
Would you prefere your child to be straight?

To me it would make no difference whatsoever. As long as they are happy, why would it?

I always wonder what an unaccepting parent expects in a situation like this.
It's not like them not accepting will make a jot of difference.

StormWarrior

Maybe they expect them to go to one of those christian gay-cure camps! Or just "try" to be straight.

Nevyn

I would not bat an eye lid but I would make sure they knew I supported them and would make sure they knew about http://www.belongto.org

How Strange

We're expecting our first baby and honestly it wouldn't bother me. He or she would still be my child. I'm pretty sure my OH feels the same. I reckon as a parent I'd worry on their behalf about prejudice etc but doesn't every parent worry about their kids in one sense or another even when they're adults.

Sleepy

I have to admit I'd be dissapointed. Not in my daughter, but in how much harder being gay would make it for her to be happy. I'd also be trying my best to help her realise that 'being gay' isn't a substitute for having a personality.

I couldn't care less what anyone gets up to in (or outside ) their bedroom, whose hand they hold walking down the street etc. but I find people who decide to be "flamboyant" or Queen-ey and allow their "alternative" :rolleyes: sexual identity to replace their personality utterly tedious.

Cabaal

It wouldn't bother me at all,

Tabnabs

It's impossible to say how one would react, but on the surface I'd be disappointed that my son would (likely) never in turn have the close bond that I share with him and that we have with our respective grandfathers (living or deceased). I'd accept it of course and support him, but having little experience of life in the gay community, I could see it being awkward for us.

stovelid

lonelyguy wrote: »

Hi!
Would you accept your son/daughter being gay?

lonelyguy wrote: »

Would you find it hard or easy?

Absolutely no issue with it at all. I would really hope if the time came, that he knew that I could be approached and trusted.

lonelyguy wrote: »

Would you prefere your child to be straight?

I'll be completely honest and say most parents want their children to receive as little hassle and prejudice in their lives as possible. And I guess that being gay can subject them to that.

But that in way means that I would not accept his sexuality or try and dissuade him. It would just be a silent worry for me. The other extreme is also true: I'd hate for him to have to be grappling with it and not to accept himself as well.

CrazyRabbit

Last time I checked, love wasn't conditional.

Klingon Hamlet

Would you accept your son/daughter being gay?
Absolutely.

Would you find it hard or easy?
Easy.

Would you prefer your child to be straight?
Yes, but for one reason only: society is still very prejudiced, so I'd be worried they would face harrassment/abuse. But I'd raise him to be strong and know that he's loved. I cannot understand people who treat their children like sh1t just because they're a particular sexual orientation. It's monstrous.

deisemum

I would accept it no problem because I love my boys to bits and I'm so proud of them. I would hate to think that they felt they couldn't tell me or think that I wouldn't accept them.

The only reason I'd prefer if they were straight is the fear of how much more difficult their life might be if they were gay.

I want them to be true to themselves and have as happy and as loving a life as possible.

plein de force

Dyflin wrote: »

It's impossible to say how one would react, but on the surface I'd be disappointed that my son would (likely) never in turn have the close bond that I share with him and that we have with our respective grandfathers (living or deceased). I'd accept it of course and support him, but having little experience of life in the gay community, I could see it being awkward for us.

all you need to know is he fancies men, not women anything after that would be purely personality etc.

as a gay teen, may i just say to see some of the responses on here is truly grattifying, if you were to ask the same question 30 years ago i'd say the responses would have been so much more different, it's parents like you that made it so easy for me to come out to my parents, they were the same as everyone here, so accepting but like every parent seems to have, was a revelation to me, that worry for us that we'll have prejudice because we're gay. all of your children are lucky to have you

sdanseo

If I had a kid who turned out to be gay I'd be devestated becuase it makes family life much harder for them and would have a negative effect on the rest of my family...maybe because society etc is prejudiced, yes, but still the same effect. If said child even attempted to cohabit with their partner, and at the same time raise a child they would be disowned full stop because I disagree with it that strongly. (I've gone into, and been slated for that seperately and it's not the issue here).

Also, if say I had an only son, that's the family bloodline gone. It's wierd, but I can understand bisexuality a lot better than homosexuality. I get the idea of the sex part and maybe even the love part, but at the end of the day I see two main purposes to life; live it fulfillingly and have kids (of your own). Gayness flies in the face of that fundamental value that I have personally.

I have no problem with the fundamentals of two gay people being in love, living together, even a civil partnership. But it would nevertheless upset me and where kids become involved I can't condone it.

Rulmeq

sdonn wrote: »

Also, if say I had an only son, that's the family bloodline gone. It's wierd, but I can understand bisexuality a lot better than homosexuality. I get the idea of the sex part and maybe even the love part, but at the end of the day I see two main purposes to life; live it fulfillingly and have kids (of your own). Gayness flies in the face of that fundamental value that I have personally.

Because if 2% of the 9billion people on the planet don't have kids, we're just going to run out of people....

Did you ever think it might be nature's way of saying, stop having kids you idiots!

Doop

sdonn wrote: »

If I had a kid who turned out to be gay I'd be devestated becuase it makes family life much harder for them and would have a negative effect on the rest of my family...maybe because society etc is prejudiced, yes, but still the same effect. If said child even attempted to cohabit with their partner, and at the same time raise a child they would be disowned full stop because I disagree with it that strongly. (I've gone into, and been slated for that seperately and it's not the issue here).

Also, if say I had an only son, that's the family bloodline gone. It's wierd, but I can understand bisexuality a lot better than homosexuality. I get the idea of the sex part and maybe even the love part, but at the end of the day I see two main purposes to life; live it fulfillingly and have kids (of your own). Gayness flies in the face of that fundamental value that I have personally.

I have no problem with the fundamentals of two gay people being in love, living together, even a civil partnership. But it would nevertheless upset me and where kids become involved I can't condone it.

You really are contrdicting yourself all over the place there. Are you sure its you and not society whos prejudiced?

When your dead and gone what does 'the bloodline' at all.

For a gay person which i am, to 'live it fulfillingly' means living openly as a gay guy... hence not having kids, if thats your soul person in life, its a bit sad imo.

I hope for any kids you may have, that none of them turn out gay for their sake, with such an ununderstanding person as a parent. I suspect yopu dont have kids yet, cos you may find your attitude changes. (i hope)

Also pleanty of staright couples never have kids. Theres many people who also never get married and start a family.

If you have children, you should love them unconditionally.

sdanseo

Of course. They're just my own personal values and they conflict with many things. Don;t get me wrong, I have no problem persay with gay people but when its on your own doorstep it's hard to take etc, so I;m being honest rather than politically correct.

My main reason I'd be so dissapointed if my own kids were this way would be becuase if they have kids, whether through adopting or whatever, having two parents of the same gender is in my opinion only going to be detremental to the child. If no kids are involved I have no problem that I couldn't get over - devestated was probably far too strong a word.

Doop

Yes well each to their own and all that... i guess! For me being gay means ill never have children, I wont adopt or bring up a child in a same sex relationhsip. But thats just me, I wouldn't pass judgement on those who do.

I guess this thread isnt about gay adoption, more how parents would feel having a son or daughter whoes gay.

Personally my mothers reaction was.... 'sure I always knew that' (and im in no way camp or overtly gay), just said all she wanted for me in life was to be happy.

DazMarz

Wouldn't have a hard time accepting it at all. They would be my son/daughter and as much as it might be a shock at first... I would love them still no matter what happened.

It would just mean half the jokes in my repetoire would have to be ditched tho...:o;)

scientific1982

sdonn wrote: »

If I had a kid who turned out to be gay I'd be devestated becuase it makes family life much harder for them and would have a negative effect on the rest of my family...maybe because society etc is prejudiced, yes, but still the same effect. If said child even attempted to cohabit with their partner, and at the same time raise a child they would be disowned full stop because I disagree with it that strongly. (I've gone into, and been slated for that seperately and it's not the issue here).

Also, if say I had an only son, that's the family bloodline gone. It's wierd, but I can understand bisexuality a lot better than homosexuality. I get the idea of the sex part and maybe even the love part, but at the end of the day I see two main purposes to life; live it fulfillingly and have kids (of your own). Gayness flies in the face of that fundamental value that I have personally.

I have no problem with the fundamentals of two gay people being in love, living together, even a civil partnership. But it would nevertheless upset me and where kids become involved I can't condone it.

Kids are a products of their parent biology and their upbringing. If a child is gay, they got it from their parents. To then punish or feel disappointed in a child because of it is in my view beyond contempt. I guess when it comes to homosexuality love is conditional for some people.

stovelid

scientific1982 wrote: »

If a child is gay, they got it from their parents.

You make it sound like a virus?

Are you saying that if you're gay, your parents have to be gay too?

scientific1982

stovelid wrote: »

You make it sound like a virus?

Are you saying that if you're gay, your parents have to be gay too?

Didnt mean to offend.

No. I presume most parents are straight. The majority of research suggests that homosexuality is biological in nature. Therefore its inherited from at least one of the parents.

Ickle Magoo

stovelid wrote: »

You make it sound like a virus?

Are you saying that if you're gay, your parents have to be gay too?

The latest genetic studies of classical family/twin/adoption studies and biological/molecular studies, support multiple genetic and environmental determinants in male and female sexual orientation - for children both their genetic make-up and their environment in the formative years would be familial.

spurious

Actually should anyone's hypothetical gay children raise children, all the studies show they are less likely to have 'issues' about many things than children raised in a non-same sex couple situation.

Beruthiel

sdonn wrote: »

would have a negative effect on the rest of my family.

How would it have an 'negative' effect?

If said child even attempted to cohabit with their partner, and at the same time raise a child they would be disowned full stop because I disagree with it that strongly.

So you would make your own child suffer emotional trauma and turn your back on them because of your feelings on this?
They would be put in the position of choosing between your happiness or their own.
Are you seriously saying that you would put your own child under such pressure?

Also, if say I had an only son, that's the family bloodline gone.

This has always amused me. I find it funny that just because you have a child you think you have every right to expect that child to produce an heir, whither they want to or not.
Life is tough enough without putting extra expectations on a child.
IMO the only expectation any parent should have for their child is that they are happy.

I see two main purposes to life; live it fulfillingly and have kids (of your own). Gayness flies in the face of that fundamental value that I have personally.

But it's your personal 'value'
Why attach it to others?

I have no problem with the fundamentals of two gay people being in love, living together, even a civil partnership. But it would nevertheless upset me and where kids become involved I can't condone it.

To use the word condone, suggests they have an actual choice.

Nevyn

There is help and support for parents who find out that thier child is LGBT

http://lovingouroutkids.org/

History

LOOK, formerly Parents’ Support, consists of a small group of parents who have gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered children. It started very quietly in 1980 – with 2 sets of parents, who had discovered that other parents needed to talk about and adjust to the fact of their children’s sexuality.

For some parents this can be a time of anxiety,worry,confusion,just as it might be for their children. This is why we listen and support reassure and encourage provide information – All in total confidence.

This was at a time when homosexuality was ‘hidden’ – very often children did not tell their parents until they were well into their twenties or older – It was still a criminal offence , the Roman Catholic Church still had great influence within society and consequently it was very difficult for children and parents to ‘come out’.

Parents then were mainly ‘older’ parents’. The parents, who initially started supporting other parents, did so with the help and co-operation of Gay Switchboard Dublin. Their function was and remains to reassure and encourage parents to talk about their children and themselves, to listen and provide information about the sexual orientation of their child and reactions of other parents, so that they will realise they are not alone and that their child is Just As Good.

I can certainly understand Dyfins point of view of it being a new learning curve but our children are who we have loved and raised them to be no matter what their sexuality.
A child who is lgbt doesn't automatically shrug off all the things that their parents and family have imparted to them. The more acceptance there is then the easier it is.

I don't expect my kids to have bio kids of their own one day, if they do (not any time in the next 15 years please)
then I will look for ward to being there for them and their brats, or even if they end up co parenting or adopting someone else's kids then that would be cool too, there are many ways in which a person can be a positive force in many people lives and having kids is not the be all and end all imho.

Having been on the fringes of the LGBTQ communities over the year and having see it grow and evolve I know that if either of my brats turns out to be LGBT there are a lot help and support out there a lot more then for children who may face other struggles growing up.

Mr. Presentable

I'd have no problem - in fact, I can see an upside. Less likelihood of teenage pregnancy!

Chuchoter

As a teen who has recently come out to a less than enthusiastic response from my parents, I can tell you that you shouldn't be worried about prejudice from society. Prejudice from society doesn't bother me in and of itself, but my parents reaction-disappointment and prejudice, kills me. I hate that I have hurt them so much, and that is what makes living as a lesbian person difficult. You get so much **** from the world, you really need your parents 100% on your side, and not just an uneasy tolerance.

sdonn You probably shouldn't have children.

CrazyRabbit

crayolastereo wrote: »

As a teen who has recently come out to a less than enthusiastic response from my parents, I can tell you that you shouldn't be worried about prejudice from society. Prejudice from society doesn't bother me in and of itself, but my parents reaction-disappointment and prejudice, kills me. I hate that I have hurt them so much, and that is what makes living as a lesbian person difficult. You get so much **** from the world, you really need your parents 100% on your side, and not just an uneasy tolerance.

@sdonn You probably shouldn't have children.

For what it's worth....you didn't hurt them. Their own ignorance and intolerance did that.

plein de force

sdonn wrote: »

If I had a kid who turned out to be gay I'd be devestated becuase it makes family life much harder for them and would have a negative effect on the rest of my family...maybe because society etc is prejudiced, yes, but still the same effect. If said child even attempted to cohabit with their partner, and at the same time raise a child they would be disowned full stop because I disagree with it that strongly. (I've gone into, and been slated for that seperately and it's not the issue here).

Also, if say I had an only son, that's the family bloodline gone. It's wierd, but I can understand bisexuality a lot better than homosexuality. I get the idea of the sex part and maybe even the love part, but at the end of the day I see two main purposes to life; live it fulfillingly and have kids (of your own). Gayness flies in the face of that fundamental value that I have personally.

I have no problem with the fundamentals of two gay people being in love, living together, even a civil partnership. But it would nevertheless upset me and where kids become involved I can't condone it.

well if you were to disown them it's probably best for the kid not to have anything to do with you anymore, nobody needs that sort of prejudice in their lives,especially from their parents.

rainbow kirby

If I ever have kids and one of them turns out to be gay, I would hope that my reaction would be the exact same as my mother's - "That changes nothing - we always knew anyway." :pac:

I would hope though that they would feel much more comfortable and open about coming out to parents and other family than I did, it took me a very long time after coming out to myself to feel ready to be out to my family.

nesf

crayolastereo wrote: »

sdonn You probably shouldn't have children.

Less of it. His opinion is valid, just because you fundamentally disagree with him doesn't give you a right for a dig like the above.

bubbaloo

Doop wrote: »

Personally my mothers reaction was.... 'sure I always knew that' (and im in no way camp or overtly gay), just said all she wanted for me in life was to be happy.

Your Mum Rocks !!!

bubbaloo

sdonn wrote: »

Also, if say I had an only son, that's the family bloodline gone.....

Gayness flies in the face of that fundamental value that I have personally.

... it would nevertheless upset me and where kids become involved I can't condone it.

So if you had a hetrosexual child who suffered infertility would you disown them too? You don't seem to actually have a clue what you're talking about. I get the feeling you jumped on your high horse and wrote your response without actually thinking about it.

Nevyn

Can we please keep the dicussion to the topic and not have the thread sprial into just reactionary posts, thanks.

mariaf24

I would prefer my children not to be gay but only because i'd be so worried about the discrimination they would face. Also, i would imagine people have very different opinions on this depending on where you live.
I would guess it wouldnt be as much of a big deal in an urban area? We live in a rural area and unfortunately it would be a very tough place for a homosexual person.

I can understand too what people mean about having children/grand children. I would ideally love to see my daughter enjoy the experience of birth and motherhood (of course if she chooses to have children) and im sure if i had a son i would feel the same but im sure i would just accept it

The Lovely Muffin

lonelyguy wrote: »

Hi!
Would you accept your son/daughter being gay?
Would you find it hard or easy?
Would you prefere your child to be straight?

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

So long as they are happy, that's what's important.

Obviously I would worry for them etc, but as said before, all parents worry about their kids, regardless of what age the kids are.

As for preferring my kids to be straight or gay - I don't have a preference tbh, whatever makes them happy, is what makes me happy. There is nothing wrong with being gay (I don't think I used proper wording there, so if I offended anyone, I apologize, it's not intended), sexuality isn't a choice, it's something someone naturally feel's and it's not something that can be changed.

That said, I don't have (or want) kids, but if I ever changed my mind (doubtful), it's how I would feel.

cynder

Well im bringing my kids up to think straight,

If they turn the other way later in life its their choice, i wont disown them.

The 11 year old know about gays and she defo is not.

The 5 year old has been told its wrong to kiss boys and he says he will only kiss girls and mommy and his sister and brother and daddy. He says kissing boys is yucky, and im quite happy with that, as he gets older and learns more about gays he can make up his own mind, if he sees 2 boys kissing on tv we tell him its yucky. ( he did however have a girlfriend on holidays in France they were holding hands, so cute)

The 3 year old is not yet aware of boy and boy / girl and girl so we don't mention it ( he did make friends with a girl on holidays but they never said one word to each other just started copying each other and smiling also very cute)

I think there are signs from early on if they have an attraction for either sex. I would prefer my kids to be straight and will bring them up that way and by the looks of it they will be.

Nevyn

I don't understand what you mean by brining a child up to be 'straight'.
Children aren't either until they start being attracted to people.

I don't think that teaching child that same sex kissing is wrong is teaching them anything but predjuice and to think themselves to be wrong if they turn out to be gay or bi.

littlebug

grindelwald wrote: »

Well im bring my kids up to think straight,

.

No you're not, you're bringing them up to think that anything other than straight is "yucky". Sexuality isn't something that you think, it's something that you are. Imagine the conflict in a gay person who has been raised with those beliefs?
My children know that men can marry men and women can marry women. It wouldn't bother me in the slightest if either of them is gay.... they are who they are. Who they do what with in the bedroom isn't going to change that.

cynder

Well its our choice, and i dont want them to be gay, as my 11 year old fully understands. I know she likes boys anyway. she was only little and we told her it was wrong for girls to kiss girls. She knows all about what she calls lesbo's infact she knows an 18 year old gay girl.

We met 2 guys at the airport who were gay and 1 had his daughter with him. Just because i decide to teach my young kids that being straight is right and being gay is wrong doesnt mean that when they reach a mature age that i wont go more indepth with them. My husbands cousin is gay they arent protected from being exposed to gays. When our older child asks we say its the persons choice, but you cant do that with a 5 year old thats why we tell him its wrong. When his older like his sister we can tell him what we told her. She doesnt hate gays (we teach her not to hate anyone just because they may be different and she can be friends with someone even is they are different).

cynder

Thaedydal wrote: »

.

I don't think that teaching child that same sex kissing is wrong is teaching them anything but predjuice and to think themselves to be wrong if they turn out to be gay or bi.

They wont be!

So i cant see what's wrong with teaching them men and women are meant to be together, boys and boys and girls and girls are not, its just sometimes things get mixed up and boys are happy with boys and girls are happy with girls his 5 not 15 he wont understand that, and yes i think it is yucky (unnatural) but if they are happy and not shoving it in my face i dont care.