Boyfriend wont text me.

Nightsky

I am going ou with a guy two and a half years.For the first two years if we went out separately we would text each other to say hello, missin you,hows the night going and a goodnite text when we got home.Now this wasnt major texting,well maybe a first but it dwindled into nice comfortable texts where you wouln be glued to the phone.He moved house last Sept and since then things have changed alot.

We dont live in the same city and have never so contact on the phone is all we have during the week which is grand and he rings me every morning and evening.He is a very flirty guy and I have had rows with him on nights out as he has led girls on so much that they think they have a chance with him and try and be with him infront of me.He excludes me when he is doing this and usually moves away from the crowd to chat.This has led to huge rows and he apologies and claims total innocence.

This has happened 3 times majorily in the two and a half years.He says the girls are mental and he was just chatting,maybe,I dunno.He used to text me on nights out as I said if I wasnt out with him and even used to ring me when heading home to say how much he missed me.Now it has all stopped.He wont answer my calls or text me.I have tried not to text him on nights out but I usually give in and end up ringing after the club but get no answer.He will ring me the next day all happy and looking forward to seeing me and telling me how much he loves me.

He cant understand why Im mad I didnt get a reply to my text or phonecall.He says he didnt look at his phone all night.Sat night we both went on separate nights and after the last huge row about not texting me back I thought he would text.He didnt and a half 4 I gave in.His friend answered his phone and said he was asleep,which I believe.He says he will not text me on a night out and doesnt see why he should have to.

We only see each other at the weekend so if we have separate nights I miss him.
He says if he is away he is away and get used to it.This happens on lads nights out,work, basically every night Im not out.There is no goodnite text on those nights,no contact end of.This guy says he loves me and wants to marry me.
In his last relationship he did the dirt alot especially on weekends away with the lads.He got away with it and she never found ou anything.

His friends say he treated her very bad and was always flirting with other women infront of her.
Why wont he text me?Why did he text me always for two yrs and now sees no reason to even though it really upsets me.Is this normal not to text your girlfriend even once and or ignore texts.What am I going to do??He wont listen to me and says other boyfriends dont text their girlfriends,I dont want crazy texting.I want to enjoy my night too but one ot two is alot to ask for.Im afraid he is doing the same **** he did to his ex to me.

rainbow kirby

Moved from tLL to Relationship Issues

Nevyn

So you don't trust him and want to keep tabs on him when you know he's on a night out and are insisting he text and call you to reassure you?

Nightsky

Definitely not to keep tabs on him or to be reasured.I just think its a nice thing to do.Do you not?Would you not?I really need help on this one.Its getting ridiculous!

lynsalot

Hey OP,

It sounds like there's trust issues here. Never mind the texting. The real crux of the matter is trust. You feel he's done it before and by not contacting you on a night out he's giving you more reason to doubt him. I know its frustrating but I wouldn't bother getting into it with him. It's only texting. The real problem should be spoken about. Has he changed in any other ways?

Why are his friends getting involved? Its possible your bf has changed his ways with you and its possible the friends are painting him in a bad light. Does he know his friends told you this? When you're together, is it romantic? Does he pay you enough attention elsewhere?

The reason I ask is maybe he realises you don't trust him and maybe he's adament not to give in and text you coz u've asked. I think you two should sit down and talk the entire thing out and see what happens from there.

Moving away can be very stressful on a relationship. It means u need to put in more effort. But first and foremost you need to sort out the trust issues.

Nevyn

If I am on a night out I am not going to keep watching my phone and getting into text conversations or phone called withy the person I am in a realtionship with.
It's rude to the people I am out with and talking to and frankly I can text and talk wtih them earlier in the day or the next day. A person who knows I am out for the evening who'd be texting and insisting on contact and communication interfering with my night out would get ignored and told to stop.

Nightsky

Sorry maybe I wrote it wrong but we have never lived in the same county and its always been a weekend relationship.I have sat down with him and discussed it.Last time I got flowers to say sorry.He is fabulous with me one to one and is very complimentary and loving.Is there something wrong with me then if I think its important to text on a night out?It is basic manners to reply to someones texts.It just that was the way it always was and now its not.Its every night he goes out without me not just a one off here and there.I really love him and were very loving together and then its like I dont exist for him.

Nightsky

I can see where your coming from Theadydal and thanks for being so frank with me.One or two wouldn kill you though would it if you only saw the person at the weekend and most of your relationship was based on calls and texts.I cant exactly call to see him the next day if I want as we live to far apart.

blairbear

I wouldn't be too keen on him flirting with girls to the extent that they think he's going to score them. In my experience, I'd only think a guy was intent on kissing me if he'd been paying me a lot of attention all night and was very flirty. I really think that's a big issue you need to discuss, more so than the lack of texting and cheating previously.

OP, some people just won't text back if they're on a night out or drinking. I have friends that I've had full on arguments with after nights out where we got separated or were meant to meet up, and they just never even thought to check their phones. Male friends are particularly bad for this, unless they're waiting for the girl they like or their girlfriend to actually physically come and meet them. I, on the other hand, check my phone regardless of how late it is or how many drinks I have. (I'm known as the reliable phone person in the group!) It's a personality thing too I think.

Another thought; if he wants to cheat then replying to a couple of texts from you won't stop that from happening. If he's hellbent on doing it, nothing will. I have an ex who cheated on me. I found out a week after it happened. That same night he'd been out and we'd talked maybe four times over the course of the night, including a half hour chat at bedtime, or what I THOUGHT was his bedtime. All of my texts and calls made no difference at all.

If it's upsetting you this much though, hun, you'll have to just explain the extent of that upset to him and maybe try to compromise on the amount of contact?

Nevyn

I think you are worried the relationship is in trouble and seem to think that if he's constantly getting in touch with you by text everythings ok.

He's entitled to a night out and a few hours off with out having to keep texting you back.
Why can't you let him have that?
Are you seriously worried that unless you hear from him or contact him and remind him of you he'll stray?

Lots of people are in relationships that due to distance or not living together they only see each other at the weekends or only one or two nights a week, that still doesn't mean they can't have a evening out or spent in the company of friends with out not ringing to texting.

seenitall

Thaedydal wrote: »

I think you are worried the relationship is in trouble and seem to think that if he's constantly getting in touch with you by text everythings ok.

He's entitled to a night out and a few hours off with out having to keep texting you back.
Why can't you let him have that?
Are you seriously worried that unless you hear from him or contact him and remind him of you he'll stray?

Lots of people are in relationships that due to distance or not living together they only see each other at the weekends or only one or two nights a week, that still doesn't mean they can't have a evening out or spent in the company of friends with out not ringing to texting.

I don't think that you are addresing the crux of the problem here. I would be saying the same if this has been the deal from the beginning of their relationship, but it hasn't been. Things have changed on the b/f's part, that much is obvious. Why did they change?

I think change is in the air, as they say...

You need to sit him down and talk to him about all this, OP. You should be honest about all of your concerns, you are entitled to your concerns and you are entitled to express them. See what he says.

All that aside, this guy sounds like a lot of trouble to me (flirting with others in front of you, having a track record of cheating). I can only hope that he will be honest with you and work with you on both your trust issues and your concern that he is cooling off you.

But I wouldn't be holding my breath.

Overheal

I don't think that you are addresing the crux of the problem here. I would be saying the same if this has been the deal from the beginning of their relationship, but it hasn't been. Things have changed on the b/f's part, that much is obvious. Why did they change?

My wager is that him moving house is what changed. OP you don't seem to mention it but before September I assume you lived in the same vicinity? And I am supposing that now that it's become a long distance relationship, you feel less confident about it. And that has led to these rows about him socializing with women.

Am I at least half right?

pickarooney

Simply put, I think you're doing his head in with your constant texting. Personally; no matter how much I loved someone, it would piss me off if they kept sending me text messages and expecting an answer immediately. The last thing I'd want on a night out is to have to piss about with a mobile phone.

This is all separate from the very obvious fact that you don't trust him not to cheat on you. I don't think it's going to end well, to be quite honest.

Nightsky

We never have lived in the same county and it has always been a weekend relationship.He moved house in Sept in with one of his best friends.This guy is not a nice guy and consistently does the dirt on his girlfriend.I dont really talk to him too much as he is very moody.
My boyfriend always texted me on nights out for two years so this is a shock to the system now when he wont text or reply.This WAS NOT constant textin I have to say.One or two but now its nothing.Im not a freak on the phone every 5 sec! Now he cant understand why I cant get my head around the fact that things have changed.He says this is the way its going to be so get used to it.He is not going to text me,end of.I cant go from what was normal in my life and in our relationship to this easily.I have talked to him about this and last time he apologised to me and said if it meant that much he would.This was only a matter of weeks ago and then it happened again Sat.

Nightsky

We never have lived in the same county and it has always been a weekend relationship.He moved house in Sept in with one of his best friends.This guy is not a nice guy and consistently does the dirt on his girlfriend.I dont really talk to him too much as he is very moody.
My boyfriend always texted me on nights out for two years so this is a shock to the system now when he wont text or reply.This WAS NOT constant textin I have to say.One or two but now its nothing.Im not a freak on the phone every 5 sec! Now he cant understand why I cant get my head around the fact that things have changed.He says this is the way its going to be so get used to it.He is not going to text me,end of.I cant go from what was normal in my life and in our relationship to this easily.I have talked to him about this and last time he apologised to me and said if it meant that much he would.This was only a matter of weeks ago and then it happened again Sat.

smelltheglove

seenitall wrote: »

I don't think that you are addresing the crux of the problem here. I would be saying the same if this has been the deal from the beginning of their relationship, but it hasn't been. Things have changed on the b/f's part, that much is obvious. Why did they change?

I think change is in the air, as they say...

Op I like this post, as someone who has been there and done that I think you should go with your gut feeling. I take it you are young and honestly, is he worth spending every breathing second worrying about? Things have changed in your relationship, and relationships move on but if the change doesnt suit or you have fears then you need to think is this the way you want to go forward.

I am basing my advice on experience and I think you should take another look at the relationship and reconsider if this is what you want. I went through a very similar situation when I was young, I was convinced that my boyf of 3 yrs was doing the dirty as he just started going out without me regularily and making it clear he didnt want me along. I spent every waking minute worrying and eventually said enough was enough, I have to say it was one of the best decisions I made, I really came into myself, I felt free and I enjoyed life. I was wrong though, he wasnt doing the dirty, but he'd have been better off if I was right as unfortunately he was dabbling with drugs.

Nevyn

So you think his friend is influencing him to not text you so much and are worried about what else he will talk/nag your bf into?

Ickle Magoo

Nightsky wrote: »

We never have lived in the same county and it has always been a weekend relationship.He moved house in Sept in with one of his best friends.This guy is not a nice guy and consistently does the dirt on his girlfriend.I dont really talk to him too much as he is very moody.
My boyfriend always texted me on nights out for two years so this is a shock to the system now when he wont text or reply.This WAS NOT constant textin I have to say.One or two but now its nothing.Im not a freak on the phone every 5 sec! Now he cant understand why I cant get my head around the fact that things have changed.He says this is the way its going to be so get used to it.He is not going to text me,end of.I cant go from what was normal in my life and in our relationship to this easily.I have talked to him about this and last time he apologised to me and said if it meant that much he would.This was only a matter of weeks ago and then it happened again Sat.

Perhaps after two years together he thinks enough is enough, having to keep and eye on his phone and text you when he's out with other people is making him feel like you are trying to keep tabs on him or somehow inferring that by texting or calling he can't cheat in the interim - or that he would otherwise? Have you asked him what has changed? Have you asked why it's suddenly an issue now?

It could be it's always annoyed him and been an issue but one he was prepared to put up with and it's just coming to a head now? I have to say, if my partner insisted on contact through-out a night out; displaying obvious trust issues 2+yrs in I would find it tedious and irritating to say the least, I can quite imagine turning the phone off if they persisted in contacting me. Talk to him and try to find out how he really feels.

Best of luck.

Nightsky

I dont know what to think but things have changed.Friends can be very influential on your life for some people,i guess.I personally wouldnt be like that and I would hate to see a friend of mine doing the dirt.I would speak to them about it but they would always be my friend.Are men more influenced than women by their friends?I guess it depends on the person.

Esoteric_

HOnestly I think you're being a bit possessive.

I live in a separate county to my boyfriend (Limerick, Dublin) and when he goes on a night out with the lads, I used to expect him to text me. Then I realized how ridiculous it was because I don't text him when I'm out on the lash, so why should he?

Now, we have an agreement that when we go out, I text him to let him know I got home safe, and he texts me to let me know that he got home safe, and that's it.

Yes, it's only polite to respond to a message, but not when you're out on the tear. You don't read messages then unless you're bored sh*tless.

Nightsky

Thats easy for you to say.You have a text at the end of the night.If I texted him or rang him like I did at half 4 in the morn last Sat to see if he got home it would be ignored.TOTALLY IGNORED.You have an agreement wit your boyfriend on that text.I am not possesive at all.I dont get a reply.
Im am not a freak of nature who has nothing better to be doing than texting my bof on a night out.This situation stems from no replies whatsoever.Im sure you would wonder if you texted your bof and he didn reply to your get home ok text.He would prob apologise.What if this happened every night he went out without you.Every night!
Why is it that ye text at the end of the night?Why bother?If you didnt have that would you care?

Catari Jaguar

Sounds like your boyfriend wants to have his cake and eat it too. He was allowed do what he wanted in an old relationship so is trying it with you. Stand up to him.

Thaedydal, stop being so blasé about it. Maybe you are free and easy and this doesn't bother you. But it bothers her, so telling her to basically relax and let him have his freedom is insulting to her and probably more upsetting because it's painting her in a bad & clingy light.

OP, I personally hate texting maybe he does too. But this isn't about texting. It's about the mutual respect. He is disrespecting you. You need to put the foot down and say this is how it's gonna be if you're with me. Either that, or just trust him and ease back. But like it's been posted before a text isn't gonna stop him cheating, but (what might seem to him while drunk) constant nagging might just piss him off and drive him away.

Oh hahah, sorry I just saw that he has taken my advice and put his foot down and said "this is how it's gonna be" first. No compromise huh? Wow. Ok, so he wears the trousers... Anyway you approach this will have to be full of I statements and non finger pointing.

eg. "Even though I trust and love you, sometimes I worry about your friends influence. I know you enjoy your own time, but it would make me happy for us to spend some more time together, or failing that, could you please text me like you used to. Things have changed and I feel lonely sometimes. I miss you."

If he responds negatively to that then he's an immature jackass.

pickarooney

cherub rock wrote: »

You need to put the foot down and say this is how it's gonna be if you're with me.

Cue end of relationship.

cherub rock wrote: »

Oh hahah, sorry I just saw that he has taken my advice and put his foot down and said "this is how it's gonna be" first. No compromise huh? Wow.

Yeah, wow, how dare he do exactly what you suggest she does?

eg. "Even though I trust and love you, sometimes I worry about your friends influence. I know you enjoy your own time, but it would make me happy for us to spend some more time together, or failing that, could you please text me like you used to. Things have changed and I feel lonely sometimes. I miss you."

Talk about clingy lights...

blairbear

I think people are being hard on the OP here. Why is it SO difficult for her boyfriend to send one lousy text at the end of the night, knowing it'll make her happy and stop her stressing? Wanting that isn't possessive or needy, it's a pretty small ask. If he's as mad about her as he says he is (according to the OP), why doesn't he do this one thing for her?

What age are you both OP? I remember when I was 21 or 22 having this same row with boyfriends, but that was because at the time I was more likely to go out with/put up with a guy who was giving me reasons not to trust him..

This guy just seems like hard work to me, hun.

John Mason

Nightsky wrote: »

Thats easy for you to say.You have a text at the end of the night.If I texted him or rang him like I did at half 4 in the morn last Sat to see if he got home it would be ignored.TOTALLY IGNORED.

If you phoned or texted me at 4.30am in the morning - trust me it would be completed ignored and you know all about it the next morning. Seriously, who wants to be woken by some drunk ramblings at 4.30am :mad:

You are completely over-reacting. he is out with this mates, he doesnt have to keep in contact with you by text message.

You come across as having some major trust issues with your bf - you should sit down and have a proper conversation with him about why you are feeling so insecure

Nightsky

We are both in our early thirties.If we had started the relationship with the idea we dont text each other I would be fine about it.I really would,I too have friends that are useless at texting but that is the way they are and you get used to it.That is who they are.This is not who is and if a persons behaviour is constant for two years and then it stops its very hard to get used to not getting used to a text or two.I miss the goodnite text at the end of the night.I really do and its not easy to try and stop yourself from doing this.Sat night I fought it til after four.I didnt call him until half 4 as i really thought I would get a text from him.He always used to text me first wanting to find out how the night was going and so.Its not easy when a persons behaviour changes.
It does make me feel sad when a text is ignored.I have a great time on nights out without him and its not that I would be short of attention from other men.I dont have a confidence or insecurity issues but this makes me feel that he forget I exist.That he wants to forget I exist.How can you change all of a sudden.If I ignored his texts or calls I would think its a cruel thing to do.
Another thing that annoys me about this is that he is all about routine.He rings me every morning and we chat.He rings me after wk too.He would be pissed off with me if I missed these calls.A text or two was a routine just part of our relationship,totally normal,non interfering,casual.Just a hello.
Now they are blatantly ignored.Personality transplant?Alien abduction?

HavingCrack

I know this is probably a tad bit of an After Hours response but I think its fairly valid in this situation. Have you ever heard the song 'Telephone' by Lady Gaga and Beyonce??? It sort of sums up why getting phone calls at 4:30 in the morning is extremely annoying.

HavingCrack

Nightsky wrote: »

Another thing that annoys me about this is that he is all about routine.He rings me every morning and we chat.He rings me after wk too.He would be pissed off with me if I missed these calls.A text or two was a routine just part of our relationship,totally normal,non interfering,casual.Just a hello.
Now they are blatantly ignored.Personality transplant?Alien abduction?

People change-there's not always a reason for it.

Nightsky

Grand fair enough Irishbird but he was out too.They had planned on going to the residence bar in the hotel they were staying in.I thought he would be still up.I know having the craic....I do feel like lady gaga and its actually not nice.I have played that song for him after one of the times when he did this,funny....

Denimgirl

The fact the the guy is flirting with other girls right under your nose is the bigger problem and I would be wondering if he he's doing this in front of me whats is he like when he's with the lads!he sounds like a d*ckhead don't mind me saying and a very charming one too!His behaviour when he is out with you has made you feel insecure and i think that is why you need him to text you when he is out, like your still on his mind when he is out, false sense of security! saying that, as another poster said if a guys gonna do it he'll do it anyway a few texts won't stop him! but the signs of a guys behaviour when he is out with you would give you some insight of his personality traits and his behaviour would set off alarm bells to me! i could'nt be with a guy who belittled me when i was out with him chatting up other girls it's just down right disrespectful!be honest with yourself and don't let him make a fool out of you!You don;t deserve to be treated this way!

jessiejam

Nightsky

Do ye both think that there is a future in this relationship?... Are ye ever going to be living in the same county?
If not why not?
When do you actually see him at all?
And this has been going on for 2 and a half years?

Wouldn't a goodnight kiss be better than a good night text in your early 30's?

If it was college or something keeping ye apart i would understand.
The fact that his room-mate is a player, is probably on your mind too, you maybe thinking that he's going to influence your BF. He is a man, a grown up so its his choice not some childish peer pressure. you worrying about it ain't gonna stop him.

Make it a rule that there should be no texting when you are out without each other.
A friend of mine leaves her phone sitting on her handbag all night and is constantly checking it. Mid conversation she replies to text messages and tries to multi-task, half listening to the conversation and texting at the same time.
So annoying.

Everyone needs space from their other halves. Whether its "just a text" or not.

Nightsky

We are both in the position that we cant move unless a job comes up.We both have houses and morgages to pay.I know your thinking we could rent but it wouldn cover the payments.It would be me who would have to make the move as he wouldnt get a job near me as there arent the opportunities.A job could come up in my area but so far nothing.I have only been looking the past 3months.
I understand that friends that text or call in your company is really annoying.I have a friend who takes calls when we meet up for a chat and could be on the phone for an hour.She knows I hate this and she has stopped doing this and actually she didnt know it was rude til I told her.
One text takes,I dunno,a minute to send.Now would that infringe on the company your keeping?I really think not and the more I think about if he did it before I cant understand why he doesnt do it now.I have been on nights out with him where he has used his phone so its not an off limits thing for him.
We have our space during the week.I dont believe that you need to exclude someone from your life in order to have a good night.By replying to a text are you ruining your night?If thats the case its not what I signed up for and its not the way he treated me in the past.
If I had freaky boyfriend who was texting me all night I would ignore his texts too.I AM NOT LIKE THAT,I PROMISE.

Cheap Thrills!

Listen, it seems plain enough to me.

This change in contact frequency has come about since he moved in with his best mate who's constantly cheating on his girlfriend did you say? And who is also cool to you.

It sounds like your boyfriend is acting the hard man in front of his friend. You can guarantee the friend has had a role in this directly/indirectly or both. Probably slagging off your lad for texting you 'too much' at some stage. Probably likes to think he's of the 'treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen' school of thought.

He's self conscious in front of his mate. He wants to act the hard lad and be in the cool gang and not seen as 'soft'

Quite apart from the texting his behaviour when you are out with other women is unacceptable. If thats what he does in front of you what goes on behind your back?

Especially with Roger the Lodger his trusty sidekick, thinking he's the town Casanova, there is every possibility the two of them are out on the pull together while you're offside in another town. Nuh huh, you are right to be suspicious. Something is off there.

smelltheglove

Considering the topic I thought you would be late teens or early 20s. In his 30s his behaviour cannot be blamed on mates, if he changes behaviour for friends at that age he is not mature enough for an adult relationship!

OP I may be being harsh but come on, you are in your 30s living in seperate counties, trust issues, behaviour changesm chatting up girls with you around, if it were me Id be saying enough is enough. I think in your heart you know this isnt right which is why you are on here debating the issue. Cut the ties and move on with your life, or would you rather drop everything to move close to him only to realise you have wasted your time and energy on someone who just doesnt cut it?

Nightsky

I know its ridiculous!Most of my friends are married with kids.Two of my friends who met their guys after me are now married.I wouldnt know what to say if he asked me.I know I need to cop on esp from reading all the advice.I have been a fool to take him back after nights out with him flirting with other girls.His brother was out one of the times and told me to finish it with him asap.But then he turns around and is so loving to me and we get on great and Im all happy again, til another thing happens.Its amazing how other peoples perspectives and advice can make you feel better and stronger.He makes me feel like the victim and tells me I am just acting crazy.I need to grow up too.

LegacyUser

i live two minutes away from my boyfriend, and while we wouldn't be texting all night when we are out separately, we would always send at least a one liner of a text when we're home safe, just so when the other wakes up in the morning we'd know the other was ok. I couldn't care less what he's at all night when he's out, but i know i'd worry if i didnt get that text, no matter what time of the morning i get it at!
I never used to text other boyfriends on nights out before this one, and to be honest it took a while to get used to it, but when we talked about it he said he'd worry if i didn't text 'Home Safe' at least before i got into bed, i said fair enough, its not that big a deal, and some nights i'm sure it reads more like 'Hmm sjnfefj' depending on how pissed the other gets, but still its reassuring! If he can't do that much for his girlfriend, then get rid.

Liam Byrne

Nightsky wrote: »

I too have friends that are useless at texting but that is the way they are and you get used to it

The use of the word "useless" in this scenario probably says a lot.

"Useless at texting", to me, implies that they spell things incorrectly, or they send texts to the wrong number.

Some people are perfectly good at texting but (a) don't like texts intruding on their real lives or (b) don't treat texts as something that must be immediately replied to, as if it were a crying baby.

I'd say "what's changed" is that he's moved in with a friend; that means that he has other things to do, whereas previously he may just have been sitting watching TV.

What's important in a relationship (particularly a long-distance one) is making the most of the time you have together.

Yes, it's nice to get an occasional text at other times when you're thinking of someone, but as soon as a text starts to imply that someone wants a reply immediately, it gets VERY irritating VERY quickly.

And a call at 4.30am is not on.

Just my 2 cent.

sam34

i went out with a guy who reminds me a bit of you op

whenever i was out without him, he would expect me to be in touch with him throughout the night, had no concept of the fact that it would be rude to be texting/talking on phone in others company,no understanding of the fact that in a loud pub i might not hear my phone, seemed incapable of understanding that at the end of a night out i might just want to fall into bed and conk out rather than initiate a text conversation with someone who should be asleep rather than waiting up getting more irate at the lack of contact....

it was tedious, tiresome and contributed to our breakup

i could not abide that sort of clinginess

Nightsky

We do make the most of our times together.We do alot of training together for marathons etc...The problem with texting is solely on nights out which was never the case before.Just nights out.I know different people and you liam probably never would even consider texting your partner on a night out.Thats you and if thats the way it was with you from the start Im sure your partner is perfectly happy with.A friend of mine started seeing this guy who she wouldn hear from for days.She was all worried there was no texting but I reasured her that he was mad about her and thats just the way he was.I dont like celery..hate it..will never change.My bof has changed and I know you probably think my call was irrational at half for in the morning but its hard to get used to change esp after a few drinks and when I thought he would be still up drinking.

Nightsky

Listen I dont want constant texting read my other posts.Your right to dump yer man.I would hate to have to ring/text my bof all night and let him know ever move I made.I love hearing the craic and the stories like you the next day.I would never insult my friends by doing that.I enjoy my nights out with my friends and meeting people.I think thats rude and a bit psycho to spend the night texting.I hope you found someone nice but I am nothing like your ex.I am not psycho,honestly.....

sam34

Nightsky wrote: »

Listen I dont want constant texting read my other posts.Your right to dump yer man.I would hate to have to ring/text my bof all night and let him know ever move I made.I love hearing the craic and the stories like you the next day.I would never insult my friends by doing that.I enjoy my nights out with my friends and meeting people.I think thats rude and a bit psycho to spend the night texting.I hope you found someone nice but I am nothing like your ex.I am not psycho,honestly.....

i never said you were psycho

secondly, i said you reminded me a bit of him, not that you were a carbon copy

so calm down a little


look, it would piss me off no end to think that someone in a different country was staying up til all hours waiting for me to text them and playing the martyr and giving me grief if i didnt, which could be for some innocuous reasons such as i forgot/i was tired and conked out/i was drunk and conked out/i had no credit/my phone was dead/ i thought they would be asleep as it was 4am...

Esoteric_

Nightsky wrote: »

Thats easy for you to say.You have a text at the end of the night.If I texted him or rang him like I did at half 4 in the morn last Sat to see if he got home it would be ignored.TOTALLY IGNORED.You have an agreement wit your boyfriend on that text.I am not possesive at all.I dont get a reply.
Im am not a freak of nature who has nothing better to be doing than texting my bof on a night out.This situation stems from no replies whatsoever.Im sure you would wonder if you texted your bof and he didn reply to your get home ok text.He would prob apologise.What if this happened every night he went out without you.Every night!
Why is it that ye text at the end of the night?Why bother?If you didnt have that would you care?

There's no need to get annoyed with me. You asked for opinons and I stated mine.

Yeah we have the agreement to text each other once at the end of the night, but more often than not he forgets and I wouldn't hear from him til 3 in the afternoon the next day. It STILL doesn't bother me because I trust him to not do anything like cheat and I trust him to not get in a dangerous situation, so I believe that he will be home safe and sound.

If I text him and he doesn't respond, I assume he's having a laugh with his mates and is not checking his phone.

There's clearly a reason why you're so irritated over him not responding to your texts when he's out getting p!ssed. You should be addressing that issue rather than why he isn't texting.

Nightsky

Believe I wouldn stay up until hours waiting for a text from him.If I wasnt out I would be in bed asleep.I was up until that time Sat as was out myself and didnt get home until that time.Had a great night too.Your right in exactly what you are saying.The things you are saying would piss me off too.Im not like that and dont play the matyr.....
Personalities are different and Im sure if your partner never had texted you ye probably would have had a chance.Maybe...

Cheap Thrills!

LyndaMcL wrote: »

There's clearly a reason why you're so irritated over him not responding to your texts when he's out getting p!ssed. You should be addressing that issue rather than why he isn't texting.

+1

Deffo, OP you said in one of the earlier posts when he chats up other girls in front of you he ignores you. He ignores you too on these 'nights out' with his friends or whoever.....

He lives in another county, he could have another girlfriend for all you know...

Forget about the texting OP, you have bigger problems.

sam34

Nightsky wrote: »

Believe I wouldn stay up until hours waiting for a text from him.If I wasnt out I would be in bed asleep.I was up until that time Sat as was out myself and didnt get home until that time.Had a great night too.Your right in exactly what you are saying.The things you are saying would piss me off too.Im not like that and dont play the matyr.....
Personalities are different and Im sure if your partner never had texted you ye probably would have had a chance.Maybe...

no actually, we wouldnt have, but thats neither here nor there.

anyway, i've offered you my opinion, up to you whether you think it has any merit.

Nightsky

Listen I really do appreciate every ones posts.Im just trying to get my point across of what has happened in the past and what way it is.Thankks for yer honesty...

dellas1979

Couple of questions:

1. Do you trust him?

2. Do you see a future together with him?

3. Does he know how unhappy you are about this/other things and if he does and does nothing about it, what is your next move?

Denimgirl

Nightsky wrote: »

We do make the most of our times together.We do alot of training together for marathons etc...The problem with texting is solely on nights out which was never the case before.Just nights out.I know different people and you liam probably never would even consider texting your partner on a night out.Thats you and if thats the way it was with you from the start Im sure your partner is perfectly happy with.A friend of mine started seeing this guy who she wouldn hear from for days.She was all worried there was no texting but I reasured her that he was mad about her and thats just the way he was.I dont like celery..hate it..will never change.My bof has changed and I know you probably think my call was irrational at half for in the morning but its hard to get used to change esp after a few drinks and when I thought he would be still up drinking.

Right if he's changed your gonna have to start playing him at his own game,you getting at him is not making him want to text you he'll feel pressured into it!and it will prove his sleeze ball friend right if he's saying he's p*ssy whipped! instead do a bit of reverse psychology on him don't mention it again, Ever! when he goes out say have a good night!and thats that don;t even mention i'll text you tomorrow say nothing just say enjoy your night in a pleasent way of course,let him contact you the day after he goes out with his mates.to be honest the flirting with other chicks would put the final nail in the coffin for me, i just think it's one of the worse things a guy could do especially in front of you,I mean you getting all dressed up to look pretty going out and he's off chasing skirt!I think when in the 30's it's looking for guys that are settling down material that are all passed that childish phase of their life!I don't think this guy will change he sounds like he fancies himself too much!

Liam Byrne

Nightsky wrote: »

I know different people and you liam probably never would even consider texting your partner on a night out.

That's not true, and - without intending to be rude - it seems to imply you view things in very black and white.

Yes, I would occasionally text someone I was seeing on a night out.

Yes, I would occasionally text someone out of the blue to say hi, or tell them I missed them.

It's romantic and nice to let someone know you're thinking of them.

When it's NOT romantic is when it's expected, and you know you're going to get grief if you don't reply. Then it becomes a chore, and is irritating.

That's the vibe that I'm getting from your posts; that it used to be romantic and cute, and now it's registered with him that it's a chore. He possibly said "ah Jaysus" some night that you texted, within earshot of his new flatmate, got some slagging and this contributed to the "hang on, I'm no longer simply replying because I want to".

Is there more at play ? Possibly, considering that you say that he flirts with others (although that could even be your insecurity reading into relatively casual "having the craic", too).

Basically, it seems that you have way too much invested in this relationship, whether in terms of texts and replies, or living your own life.

I don't know how much of a factor all the above is, but it's certainly coming through in your posts as a factor.

So I'd say relax and enjoy what's there. Do NOT start "playing games" as suggested by some, because those are childish and tend to backfire.

Micahelxcx

You seem young. Your bf has moved house? He is living with other guys?
Well, seems to me he is enjoying going out with the lads and having fun with them and likes to chat up other women.

So, if he was serious about you, he wouldn't be chatting up other women either in front of you or when you're not with him.

My advice would be a RED card. Dump him. He's too much hassle and grief.

On the texting issue. Well I don't mind receiving a text now and then but not all night. And when you are out with friends you don't want to be texting your partner. Learn to trust and to let go.

Nightsky

Hi all.Thanks for all yer posts.Things have not been sorted out.Im giving him the red card.Not happy and very upset about all this.Heres to the future....