how to be more confident??

shay2012

i just dont have very good self esteem.........how can i fix that?

shinikins

Try some little things like treating yourself to some new clothes, or a new hairstyle, looking good makes you feel more confident, which helps your self esteem. Or try faking confidence-I was painfully shy all through school, and decided i wasn't going to go through college the same way, tried being chatty and outgoing with the people on my course and it worked!! Nobody knew i had been the quiet little wallflower, and because they accepted me for what i was, i actually became more confident, and my self esteem shot up!

shay2012

shinikins wrote: »

Try some little things like treating yourself to some new clothes, or a new hairstyle, looking good makes you feel more confident, which helps your self esteem. Or try faking confidence-I was painfully shy all through school, and decided i wasn't going to go through college the same way, tried being chatty and outgoing with the people on my course and it worked!! Nobody knew i had been the quiet little wallflower, and because they accepted me for what i was, i actually became more confident, and my self esteem shot up!

thanks! i am quet i just i dont feel very good about my looks...i used to until everybody just kind of stopped talking to me now i just dont feel good about anything...

shinikins

Sometimes its good to be a little self-indulgent. Take a few hours, or a day to pamper yourself, you'll feel more relaxed, and happier. Or try thinking of your good points, rather than the bad ones-I have a big ass, but its damn sexy!!. A positive mental attitude works wonders, because if you feel bad about one thing, and dwell on it, it affects all areas of your life.

shay2012

ok well i will try this stuff thanks!just me and my boyfriend are going to different schools next year and i dont want him to see somebody extremely pretty and leave me...:(

shinikins

shay2012 wrote: »

ok well i will try this stuff thanks!just me and my boyfriend are going to different schools next year and i dont want him to see somebody extremely pretty and leave me...:(

If he's any sort of a decent man he won't even be thinking about that! I'm sure he's not with you simply for your looks!! Don't worry about other girls, he may see someone prettier then you, but will she be as nice? Or smart, or special as you are? Looks may attract a man, but it takes more than a pretty face to make a man want to stay!!

Nervous Wreck

All the major bookshops around town will have a section dedicated to pop-psychology which include books on teaching yourself to be more outgoing and feel more confident. A lot of people write these books off but there's obviously a market for them. I've flicked through some of them and some of them are well worth a look if you do have issues with confidence. Ironically, many people that would benefit from the use of these books would be too embarrassed to approach the checkout and buy them. :rolleyes:

reallyrose

shinikins wrote: »

Or try faking confidence-I was painfully shy all through school, and decided i wasn't going to go through college the same way, tried being chatty and outgoing with the people on my course and it worked!! Nobody knew i had been the quiet little wallflower, and because they accepted me for what i was, i actually became more confident, and my self esteem shot up!

This exactly. I had a horrible time in school, I was bullied and felt about as important and attractive as a small piece of mud, but once I left school and was meeting people that did not know I was a "lick arse ugly weirdo", I faked being out-going until I realised that I had nice qualities.
Now the trick is getting me to shut up! :pac:

And don't tie yourself into knots about your boyfriend, at some time or another, every woman worries that her bf is going to run off with the first floosie he meets. Just remember that he likes you! And how could the other school have anyone to offer that is as nice as you are in his eyes.

fiona-f

Some parts of confidence are easy - fake it until it becomes natural to you. By that I mean, stand up straight, have great posture, make eye contact and smile every time you engage with another person, whether meeting a friend, joining a group at a party, or just getting on the bus. If you look and act confident, you'll feel confident. There are plenty of tips online or in self-help books about how to initiatie conversations and keep them going, like asking lots of questions, listening properly rather than just thinking about what you'll say next, etc.

But judging by your later post, you aren't really asking about confidence at all, you're talking about a relationship issue. That's completely different in my view - if you're scared your boyfriend will leave you, then that has to do with the quality of your relationship and can only be worked on between the two of you. To be honest, it's one of those things that the more you worry about it, the more likely it is that he will want to leave the relationship if you become insecure, jealous or clingy. So although it's hard, put the "what ifs" out of your head and just enjoy being a couple.

jellie

it depends on why you arent confident. work on whatever is affecting your self esteem and your confidence will grow.

Assets Model

shay2012 wrote: »

i just dont have very good self esteem.........how can i fix that?

Faking it really helps. Just try to pretend you're confident and act like you are on the assumption that most people are too obsessed with themselves to question it and after a while when people react to you as a confident person you'll become that. Honestly I used to be so shy i'd be panicking having to meet new people or even speak aloud in a group of more than about 4 but i'm so confident now. You can do it I promise. Good luck.

rebel girl 15

Assets Model wrote: »

Faking it really helps. Just try to pretend you're confident and act like you are on the assumption that most people are too obsessed with themselves to question it and after a while when people react to you as a confident person you'll become that. Honestly I used to be so shy i'd be panicking having to meet new people or even speak aloud in a group of more than about 4 but i'm so confident now. You can do it I promise. Good luck.

When I saw this post, the phrase "fake it till you make it!" came into my mind and it is something that really works, it was something I said to a shy person one time before a speech, and she was excellent - and has gone on to speak publicly many more times.

violetanderson

Hah. The overriding theme here - is that lots of people who seem really confident are actually faking it! The reality is that while your confidence might be low, so are loads of other people's. I don't think there's anything wrong with faking it until you make it We're all in the same boat.

Yep. I'm a definite +1 for faking it.
I was painfully shy when I was younger, and decided I was gonna "fake it" gradually you realise that it's much easier to be confident that shy. I have serious self esteem issues. But most people think I'm really confident! You'll be amazed at how much more attractive people find you and, more importantly, you'll feel.