How long has it taken you to......

CluelessGirl

to get used to sharing a bed with your partner?

I am 2 years on and finding it so difficult to spend the night in the same bed....... as in falling asleep!

Anyone else ever had this problem and if so what did you do?

I am an incredibly light sleeper but ~I wanna wake up beside the person I love every morning and I don't want to have to sneak out to a different bed in the middle of the night!

Ickle Magoo

Get a bigger bed! We love our space so we got the biggest bed we could and we sleep soooooo much better than when we stay over places and are in a double... :cool:

Getting there

+1 on the bigger bed!

I went from from sleeping in a double bed alone to sleeping in a 4ft bed with my partner when we first moved in together. He had come from a single bed so he was fine staying on his side, but I tortured him for months without realizing it. Kicking, pillow stealing, elbows, shoulders, knees you name it.
It must have been horrible for him. But we have since moved to a place where we have a very roomy double bed and I have become much easier to sleep with apparently, i stay on my own side and so does he.

So in answer, while it didn't take me long to ease into sleeping in the same bed as my partner, it took me a looong time and a bigger bed to actually 'share'.

barleybooley

I got used to it pretty much from the word go, but my poor bf had to get used to sleeping on the tiniest sliver of bed while I was spreadeagled on my tummy! We nearly always sleep in a single bed so the pair of us are well used to it at this stage...
My sister cannot sleep at all if anyone's in the bed beside her, it could be the biggest bed in the world and it'd still be a problem. Guess it's different for everyone and it's just a case of getting used to

The_Morrigan

I actually sleep better knowing the OH is in the bed, but I can't sleep all cuddled up together. We cuddle and then I usually move away from him within 15 mins lol
He does move about a lot and wakes me up, but its kinda a reminder he's there and I usually just doze off again.
When I'm on my own I'm tossing and turning and falling out of the bed!!!

jokettle

My bf is not a sound sleeper; he moves around, he talks, he snores, occassionally he holds his breath (it's not quite apnea but it scared the bejaysus out of me the first time I noticed it) and once he threw his arm out and punched me on the chin! I got a nice dinner out for that one

The only solution I had was to move my bed against the wall, he always slept beside a wall and that keeps him a bit quieter a few whiskeys help too

The_Morrigan

jokettle wrote: »

My bf is not a sound sleeper; he moves around, he talks, he snores, occassionally he holds his breath (it's not quite apnea but it scared the bejaysus out of me the first time I noticed it) and once he threw his arm out and punched me on the chin! I got a nice dinner out for that one

The only solution I had was to move my bed against the wall, he always slept beside a wall and that keeps him a bit quieter a few whiskeys help too

yeah I've got punched aswell lol

Faith

My ex and I had perfectly complementary sleeping behaviour, so I got used to it straight away. We fell asleep spooning each other tightly, and we'd move apart during the night when we got to hot, but we'd always move back together again. Neither of us took all the covers or slept spread-eagled.

One of the things I miss most about him is sharing a bed with him!

Chinafoot

At the beginning I found it very difficult as I'm quite claustrophobic but I'm at the stage now where I sleep better if he's in the bed with me. Tonight he's starting a night shift in work so I won't have him there for the next few nights and I dont like it. Takes me far longer to get to sleep.

A big bed is definitely the key. I love when he's there but I can't handle someone touching me when I'm trying to sleep. I don't do "spooning" or cuddling when I want to get to sleep. I also have to face away from him as I find it too claustrophobic otherwise.

Getting there

NiMhaoldearg wrote: »

I actually sleep better knowing the OH is in the bed

Actually, Im kind of like this too. I can sleep fine in my bed on my own when im staying in my old room at my mums, but now that I live with my OH, I find falling asleep very difficult and would be a bit more antzy during the night when hes not there.
I guess it is just a case of what youre used to

CluelessGirl

barleybooley wrote: »

My sister cannot sleep at all if anyone's in the bed beside her, it could be the biggest bed in the world and it'd still be a problem. Guess it's different for everyone and it's just a case of getting used to

I am like your sister then!

If my partner moves, sighs,coughs,farts etc.....I will wake up!I can not bare being touched while sleeping.....haha I am a nightmare!

Its really frustrating.....our bed is massive and still I can't sleep....I guess I am worried it will ruin our intimacy.....

Practice I guess.....Thanks for the comments.

thesituation51

I'm totally the same! to the point that I've not wanted to stay over some nights, if i know i've an important day in work the next day! im planning on trying Kalms, or hot milk, or EAR PLUGS for when he's snoring lol, hopefully over time it's just somethin you'll adjust to, or else invest in a bigger bed!

CluelessGirl

thesituation51 wrote: »

I'm totally the same! to the point that I've not wanted to stay over some nights, if i know i've an important day in work the next day! im planning on trying Kalms, or hot milk, or EAR PLUGS for when he's snoring lol, hopefully over time it's just somethin you'll adjust to, or else invest in a bigger bed!

Yeah I am running out of excuses to get out of the bed!!!

Must try that Kalms.......it may help.....BTW I even took a sleeping tablet(tried it once..do not advocate taking pills to sleep but desperate measures!) one night just to see could I sleep and would you believe I could not!

Maybe it is anxiety on my part or something.....I just thought it would be interesting to hear others views.

Thanks for that

Chinafoot

I'm sure this has been posted here before but it's an interesting article from BBC news.

Bed sharing 'bad' for your health.

Couples should consider sleeping apart for the good of their health and relationship, say experts.

Sleep specialist Dr Neil Stanley told the British Science Festival how bed sharing can cause rows over snoring and duvet-hogging and robs precious sleep.

One study found that, on average, couples suffered 50% more sleep disturbances if they shared a bed.

Dr Stanley, who sleeps separately from his wife, points out that historically we were never meant to share our beds.

He said the modern tradition of the marital bed only began with the industrial revolution, when people moving to overcrowded towns and cities found themselves short of living space.

Before the Victorian era it was not uncommon for married couples to sleep apart. In ancient Rome, the marital bed was a place for sexual congress but not for sleeping.

Dr Stanley, who set up one of Britain's leading sleep laboratories at the University of Surrey, said the people of today should consider doing the same.

"It's about what makes you happy. If you've been sleeping together and you both sleep perfectly well, then don't change, but don't be afraid to do something different.

"We all know what it's like to have a cuddle and then say 'I'm going to sleep now' and go to the opposite side of the bed. So why not just toddle off down the landing?"

Tossing and turning

He said poor sleep was linked to depression, heart disease, strokes, lung disorders, traffic and industrial accidents, and divorce, yet sleep was largely ignored as an important aspect of health.

Dr Robert Meadows, a sociologist at the University of Surrey, said: "People actually feel that they sleep better when they are with a partner but the evidence suggests otherwise."

He carried out a study to compare how well couples slept when they shared a bed versus sleeping separately.

Based on 40 couples, he found that when couples share a bed and one of them moves in his or her sleep, there is a 50% chance that their slumbering partner will be disturbed as a result.

Despite this, couples are reluctant to sleep apart, with only 8% of those in their 40s and 50s sleeping in separate rooms, the British Science Festival heard.

CluelessGirl

Hey Chinafoot,

Many thanks for that............interesting!

The only good night sleep I get is on my own......Uninterrupted!

I have a double bed as does he, which I love having all to myself. We live far apart so when we do finally get to each other again, the first night or so I almost invariably sleep badly because I'm getting used to it again.
Other than that it's generally ok. I have to turn away on my side for sleep and that's grand. There's nothing lovelier than waking up either in the middle of the night or in the morning to see him there though!

The Cool

The OH and I actually fall asleep better when we're together, we spoon and we're asleep within minutes, but will roll apart in our sleep. Him moving in bed doesnt bother me, I find it quite comforting but it's the heat that bothers me most! Sharing a single bed was yuck, my double is ok, but his king size is lovely! If it's too warm, i wake up all groggy in teh morning, which i hate.

Pythia

It felt right for us straight away. I was worried that it wouldn't and I'd find it difficult to sleep or not feel as refreshed but it's totally normal.

I can't stand sharing a bed with anyone. Never have and never will. I don't want to move in with the OH unless we can have 2 bedrooms - of course he thinks I'm a lunatic and of course we won't be able to afford it. When we sleep together I wake up loads of times from rolling into him and one of us stealing the covers and I just get too hot.

Edgedinblue

two years on i'm still not used to it, the bf doesnt mind! said he prob wouldnt sleep as good without me there. i'm the other way around, love having him there, but ive grown up with a double bed all to myself so i sleep completely spread out, and not being spread out gives me serious pains in my back! the bed we share now is a bit smaller then a double bed. ive never slept great to begin with, still dont now. i get really frustrated if im too warm or if i cant spread out i get a pain in my back. i then find myself getting angry at him the next day cause im so tired..

i need a room with just a matress as a floor, that way i can get my cuddles and spread out when i want

kiwi123

personally, i LOVE sleeping beside someone, if you wake up during the night there's someone to cuddle into. My ex used to never sleep if i was beside him because if i did wake up, i'd cuddle into him to fall asleep again, but that'd wake him... not ma problem if i'm asleep though

As well as that, when i wake up i'm usually wide awake and he takes ages to wake up in the morning so that used to really bug him. I'd be like lets get up and do something for the day and he'd be like no chance, big grumpy head on him!

The_Morrigan

kiwi123 wrote: »

As well as that, when i wake up i'm usually wide awake and he takes ages to wake up in the morning so that used to really bug him. I'd be like lets get up and do something for the day and he'd be like no chance, big grumpy head on him!

lol think I have your cast off going by that description!!!
I too "annoy" the OH cos I'm too giddy in the morning and it does his head in

terlywerly

Took me and the OH a while to get used to it too. I apparently like to blanket rob in my sleep He twists and turns A LOT. And has a touch of sleep apnea (which freaks me out at times too - I have to watch him to make sure he's alive lol). He's always warm, I'm always cold. We have a single bed electric blanked jimmy-rigged on my side of the bed so it stays warm when I'm cold and he gets to keep cooler.
All the same though, I sleep better with him beside me, and its nice if you wake up in the middle of the night to put your arm out and feel somebody there with you. And of course to wake up in the morning to as well.
Bigger bed solves a lot of space issues definitely. We have a king size and its great!

pow wow

I haven't really - I'm a ferocious kicker in my sleep and although his bed is the size of an aircraft carrier he still pulls my hair when I kick. Charming :P

caseyann

CluelessGirl wrote: »

to get used to sharing a bed with your partner?

I am 2 years on and finding it so difficult to spend the night in the same bed....... as in falling asleep!

Anyone else ever had this problem and if so what did you do?

I am an incredibly light sleeper but ~I wanna wake up beside the person I love every morning and I don't want to have to sneak out to a different bed in the middle of the night!

Did you buy the bed when you moved in?

caseyann

pow wow wrote: »

I haven't really - I'm a ferocious kicker in my sleep and although his bed is the size of an aircraft carrier he still pulls my hair when I kick. Charming :P

Kinky Maybe you arent reading the signals right

candy-gal1

Straight away tbh, , I hate sleeping alone now whenever i have to!

boudy

I like it, the gf and I both have single beds and sleep together a couple nights a week which i prefer to sleeping on my own.. only thing is that shes more of a ''morning person'' than i am but still, its grand though.

rannerap

at the start i couldnt sleep at all,now im pretty much used to it,we share a tiny single bed,and he moves around a lot,and snores ridiculously loudly,but somehow im able to sleep through it now

Piste

I hate sharing a bed, I never wake up as refreshed as if I had slept on my own. Whenever I end up living with a boyfriend in the future we will have to have seperate bedrooms.

Tefral

I do straight away always. I sleep on my side at the very edge of the bed. So it leaves aload of space. I wake up the same way I fall asleep so i can't be moving about that much. The missus cuddles into me and then rolls away because I'm like a radiator.

The best advice I can give anyone is buy a duvet that's one size too big for the bed. That solves most problems. I can't sleep unless the covers are over my shoulders and she's only tiny so that leaves a big gap.

GirlOfGlass

At the start of a relationship I can never fall asleep with a partner, which usually wrecks their head!
EVERYTHING irritates me when I sleep, even the slightest noise of someone breathing makes me uneasy. But in my current relationship this isn't the case. For some reason, the noises of him breathing doesn't irritate me as much as other people do (So glad he doesn't snore!)

The heat when sharing a bed is a bit overwhelming though.

Futurecrook

bluewolf wrote: »

I have a double bed as does he, which I love having all to myself. We live far apart so when we do finally get to each other again, the first night or so I almost invariably sleep badly because I'm getting used to it again.
Other than that it's generally ok. I have to turn away on my side for sleep and that's grand. There's nothing lovelier than waking up either in the middle of the night or in the morning to see him there though!

I'm the exact same. I only see my OH at weekends, or sometimes every second weekend, and I'm so used to sprawling out in my own double bed that I sleep awfully when I'm with him. After a year an a half together I still sleep much better on my own. I'm always too warm and toss and turn all night. He hogs the duvet and talks in his sleep. I do love having him there though. It's a lovely feeling. We may need seperate beds if we ever move in together though. :pac:

Asphyxia

NiMhaoldearg wrote: »

I actually sleep better knowing the OH is in the bed

I have found this also! I never really mind sharing a bed with my fella but after 2 years of sharing one, I find it odd and funny when he isn't there. I find it hard to get to sleep on my own but it's usually just when he isn't at home, he plays gigs at the weekend and doesn't get home till late. It's funny because if he was out in the kitchen I could go to bed no bother!

Also a big bed really does help!

shinikins

With my bf i had no problems getting used to sleeping with him, he's very comfy! I'm the type of person who can't settle at all in a new bed, it takes me ages to get used to sleeping in a new room, but with him i think we got on so easily from the start that i felt very comfortable from the beginning. I miss him when i'm at home in my own bed, and its waaaay nicer than his. He's like a boiler though! lovely on a cold night to cuddle into, but these warm summer nights are a killer as far as spooning goes

Whispered

I can't remember geting used to it but now I don't sleep well alone.

Recently, the OH was nightmaring ( it IS a word!! :P) and I woke him up. He woke with a start ad elbowed me in the chest with the fright. :eek: i got no dinner out because of it JoKettle

/jealousy

shellyboo

I've been with my bloke 6 months and I'm mostly used to it... He doesn't snore (thank god!) and is a reverse blanket-hog, always throwing them off, lol

Some nights though, I just can't settle. Like tonight! I think it has a lot to do with the bed and how much space you have. OP, I'd say at this stage it's the annoyance and anxiety that's keeping you awake rather than him! If I were you, I'd be seriously thinking about separate beds, even a couple of nights a week. If you're lacking sleep because of bed-sharing, you'll end up angry at him!

CathyMoran

I tended to spend half my time asleep with my head on my husband's tummy, it is comforting as I fall asleep I listenened to his heart...it all changed when had a baby though. When we are not together it just seems odd and horrible, I hate us being apart.

Malari

I thought I would never be able to share a bed long-term with anyone, because any boyfriend I had I wasn't really able to get a good night's sleep with him in the bed. One guy in particular I just lay awake a lot of the night - I don't know why!!

But with my current boyfriend I never had an issue at all! I sleep perfectly with him beside me. Yes, it helps that he doesn't snore but I think I'm just comfortable with him too and completely at ease. I was from the very first night.

An important factor is comfort though. If he's a blanket-hog, get a nice big duvet. If you or he needs LOTS of space to move around, invest in a big bed. I find I never get to sleep if something small is bothering me, like I don't have quite enough duvet for comfort!

iguana

Getting a bigger bed is key, there is only a 6 inch width and 3 inch length difference between a standard bed and a kingsize but it makes a huge difference to your sleep without making a small room feel too small. A superkingsize is an extra foot wider and if you have the space you should go for it.

However if you can't change you bed there are smaller things you can do that make a big difference. First off get good quality 100% cotton sheets. That will make an enormous difference to the comfort of the bed instantly. And get a summer duvet. When two people share a bed the temperature rises significantly so you will need less covers to be at a comfortable sleep temperature. Get layers so you can shed them if you get too hot or pile them back on if one of you rises before the other. Having a more comfortable temperature and natural fibers under your skin should help a lot.

magneticimpulse

dont have to worry...have double bed all to myself and can toss and turn as much as i want. brillant

F.A.

I am exactly like you, OP. Bigger mattress is of no use either. To this day I cannot fathom that people here share a mattress and a duvet. Back home in Germany a double bed actually means a double bed, i. e., two normal sized mattresses in one double frame and two duvets. That is the standard there, and something that (I think) I could get used to. Unfortunately, we have not been able to find any such beds here - which means we sleep in different rooms. He is forever telling me to never, ever tell anyone about our sleeping arrangements, but frankly, many, many years together and still going strong - I couldn't care less about people's perceptions. I am a notoriously bad sleeper anyway, so being bounced around every time he moves, trying to ignore his snores (I use earplugs every night anyway - they block anything except his snores...), fighting to stay away from him (he is sooo warm), finding ways of escaping the slaps and kicks every bloody night - not an option!

I am sorry not to be able to offer advice, but as that BBC-article says: Don't feel you have to live up to the "norm" just because. If you're still feeling you should share beds, then maybe try and look into these different beds (you might get them in Dublin, I dunno) I described.

Blobby George

Faith wrote: »

We fell asleep spooning each other tightly

The great thing about spooning is that it often leads to full sex, even if both parties are tired. Sharing a bed is one of the upsides to a relationship, unless the OH is coming back after a binge with the girls. Then it's really annoying.

Futurecrook

Futurecrook wrote: »

He hogs the duvet and talks in his sleep

Mine snores
It's very funny when I say something to him, he replies coherently, then in the morning he doesn't remember because he was pretty much asleep :rolleyes:

At weekends would be nice though, it's every 2-3 weeks for us. Better than it could be though!

psycho-hope

bout 3 months sleep alot better in his place tho hes got a massive bed while i have a very small double bed

worded

In the rest of europe having two mattresses is popular.

Like so ....

http://www.beds2u.co.uk/images/products/SuperKingZipandLinkDivanBedMattressHotel.jpg

It helps if the two people weigh different amounts as well. Each mattress can be of different thickness.