Classical Gags

The Mad Hatter

Just thought I'd start a little thread where we can post our music jokes and the like. Starting with this:

banquo

Excellent!

Norrdeth

Sounding an octave lower than written right?

There's some lovely Vuvuzela sounds in Górecki's 2nd symphony =P,
about 10 minutes into the 1st movement from the Naxos recording by Antoni Wit.
Can't find an example on the web at the moment,
but you can take a look at the CD here if you're interested.
http://www.amazon.com/G%C3%B3recki-Symphony-No-Copernican-Beatus/dp/B00005A7KC

funky penguin

Why did Bach have so many children?



Because his organ had no stops! :pac:


A tourist found himself alone in a graveyard in Vienna, visiting the resting places of famous people. Suddenly, he heard some far off music. Going to investigate, he came across the grave of Beethoven, which turned out to be the origin of the sound. Listening for a while, he realised it was his 9th Symphony playing backwards! He ran off back to his hotel to tell his friends, who naturally didn't believe him. So to prove it, he took them bach to the grave the next day.

However, instead of his 9th, it was now his 7th, also being played backwards. Naturally, the men wanted an expert opinion, so they consulted a scholar to try and explain the phenomenon. By this time, it was his 5th playing backwards.

By now, the locals and the media had caught wind of the strange music,and hundreds of people were there, listening to Beethoven's 1st Symphony being played backwards.

Just then, the groundskeeper arrived to see what al the fuss was about.

"Oh.", he said. "Tis happening again!".

"You know whats going on?!!", asked the original tourist.

"Oh yeah, happens all the time," he sighed. "He's decomposing".




I'm really really sorry. :P

The Mad Hatter

How do you make two piccolo players play in tune?

Shoot one.

How do you make a viola player play tremolo?

Write "solo" under a semibreve.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Philip Glass.

Norrdeth

What was heard when a piano fell down the coal shaft.......

Ab minor!

Sorry also, tis a bad one...hehe...

Norrdeth

Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet.

HAYDN'S CHOPIN LISZT AT VIVALDI'S:
Rossini and cheese
Schumann polish
Bern-n-stein remover
Satie mushrooms
batteries (Purcell)
BeethOVEN cleaner
Hummel microwave meals
orange Schubert
TchaiCOUGHsky drops
marshMahlers
Honey-nut Berlioz
Cui-tips
Chef Boyardee Raveli
sour cream and Ives
Strauss (straws)
chocolate Webers (wafers)
Del Monteverdi corn
Mozart-rella cheese
I Can't Believe it's not Rutter
Bach of serial (opera)
chicken Balakirev
new door Handel
Golden Brahms
Clemen-TEA
Little Debussy snack cakes
Oscar Meyerbeer bologna

The Mad Hatter

Can we put a groan button by the thanks button?

Norrdeth

Yeah that's a truly awful one I found online.

Why was the musician arrested?

]He was in treble

How do you keep your violin from being stolen?

Put it in a viola case

The Mad Hatter

Norrdeth - that video is brilliant!

Here's a selection of musical terminology. (Full list here)

Accidental: 1. A sharp or flat notated within the body of the written music which is not part of the key signature. 2. A sharp or flat not notated within the body of the written music typically played by someone in the viola section. 3. Son or daughter of the conductor.

allegro con brillo: the fastest way to wash pots and pans

al dente con tableau: in opera, chew the scenery

d.c. al capone: you betta go back to the beginning, capiche?

fermantra: a note that is held over and over and over and...

gregorian champ: monk who can hold a note the longest

interval: how long it takes you to find the right note. There are three kinds: major interval: a long time; minor interval: a few bars; inverted interval: you have to back one bar and try again Hatter's note: My sight-reading tends to have a lot of major and inverted intervals.

nientendo: little nothings written for video games

pianisissymode: the unfortunate outfits that some child prodigies are forced to wear

Tonic: a medicinal drink consumed in great quantity before a performance and in greater quantity afterwards. Hatter's note: also often consumed after sight-reading.

The Mad Hatter

This used to be on the wall in Maynooth music department:

trad

The definition of perfect pitch -

When you lob an accordeon into a skip and it lands on a bodhrán

Hermy

funky penguin wrote: »

...So to prove it, he took them bach to the grave the next day...

funky penguin

Oh no it's finally happened! I've done it without realising! :eek:

Hermy

And I've just realised I was making fun of a moderator.
:o:o

Norrdeth

Nah it's cool, I do it all the time. That right Funky?

funky penguin

I'd be insulted if you guys didn't!

The Mad Hatter

What does a conductor do?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wXDEDClfZhc

The Mad Hatter

How to play Rachmaninoff with small hands:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifKKlhYF53w

Dirigent

The Mad Hatter wrote: »

How to play Rachmaninoff with small hands:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifKKlhYF53w

If you enjoyed that, here's a much longer clip of the same duo, with some superbly talented guests.

http://www.zdf.de/ZDFmediathek/kanaluebersicht/aktuellste/240096#/beitrag/video/1083422/Igudesmann-&-Joo

Doshea3

Victor Borge is a genius...'sometimes it sounds like it doesn't, but sometimes it sounds like only half a dozen.'

Norrdeth

LOL!

The Mad Hatter

Norrdeth wrote: »

LOL!

Awesome!

Embedding doesn't seem to work on fullscreen videos, though, so here's the link (I hope), and here's the video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zeoT66v4EHg

The Mad Hatter

Angie Dickinson performs Steve Reich's Clapping Music by beating up Lee Marvin:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BY4bL_bO8sA

Zcott

Viola player stops at McDonalds late one night on the way home from a gig. As he waits in the queue he realises he left his viola on the back seat of his car and the car unlocked. Fearful for his instrument, he rushes back to the car, only to find three more violas on the back seat.

murphym7

The Mad Hatter wrote: »

Awesome!

Embedding doesn't seem to work on fullscreen videos, though, so here's the link (I hope), and here's the video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zeoT66v4EHg

That composer had far too much time on his hands to sync up his compostition with the cat.

It was the most awesome thing I have seen in ages! Thanks for posting. Goes to show there are lots of bluffers out there throwing crap together and calling it music! That was class.

murphym7

Now, predictably, its time for more Viola jokes!!:D

What's the difference between a viola and a coffin?
The coffin has the dead person on the inside.

What's the difference between a viola and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.

What's the difference between a viola and an onion?
No one cries when you cut up a viola.

Why do violists stand for long periods outside people's houses?
They can't find the key and they don't know when to come in.

How was the canon invented?
Two violists were trying to play the same passage together.

What is the range of a Viola?
As far as you can kick it.

A viola player decides that he's had enough of being a viola player--unappreciated, all those silly jokes. So he decides to change instruments.
He goes into a shop, and says, "I want to buy a violin." The man behind the counter looks at him for a moment, and then says, "You must be a viola player." The viola player is astonished, and says, "Well, yes, I am. But how did you know?" "Well, sir, this is a fish-and-chip shop."

The Mad Hatter

evolving_doors

So anyway a guy goes to the doctor to get a cast taken off his arm..
Doctor: Should be right as rain in a couple of days..
Guy: Will I be able to play the piano after that
Doctor: Can't see why not
Guy: Great! cos I could never play it before...

The Mad Hatter

Armelodie wrote: »

So anyway a guy goes to the doctor to get a cast taken off his arm..
Doctor: Should be right as rain in a couple of days..
Guy: Will I be able to play the piano after that
Doctor: Can't see why not
Guy: Great! cos I could never play it before...

Aw, I was looking forward to watching that video! Even if it's not embedded in the post, people could still have clicked through to YouTube and watched it...

evolving_doors

The Mad Hatter wrote: »

Aw, I was looking forward to watching that video! Even if it's not embedded in the post, people could still have clicked through to YouTube and watched it...

Ill put it in later,, search you tube for " pdq classical rap" some guy stuck a manga video over it...

Mammanabammana

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MM6qntPpyZ0

I know we're only two pages in but I would have thought that this particular performing legend would have been featured already...I have yet to manage to listen to this whole thing all the way through without being in physical pain. Literally. Astounding!

BillabongMad

I can't Handel this, Vivaldi Classical Gags...
Sorry I couldn't resist :'D

funky penguin

Mammanabammana wrote: »

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MM6qntPpyZ0

I know we're only two pages in but I would have thought that this particular performing legend would have been featured already...I have yet to manage to listen to this whole thing all the way through without being in physical pain. Literally. Astounding!

Florence.....what a woman! If auto-tuning existed back then, she'd have been a superstar.

Mammanabammana

funky penguin wrote: »

Florence.....what a woman! If auto-tuning existed back then, she'd have been a superstar.

She kind of WAS a superstar - she sold out Carnegie hall twice!

Dirigent

Should be fun! New Year's Eve in Vienna.

http://www.igudesmanandjoo.com/worldrecord/

Doshea3

funky penguin wrote: »

Florence.....what a woman! If auto-tuning existed back then, she'd have been a superstar.

I love you Funky.

Dirigent

Dirigent wrote: »

Should be fun! New Year's Eve in Vienna.

http://www.igudesmanandjoo.com/worldrecord/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1O9Ro0TaXH4

evolving_doors

Difference between an artist and an entertainer..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q30JO1xBbJA

First time I've ever seen a pianist with an orchestra rapping and then crowdsurfing

Other chilly gonzales with RSO vids are worth a shot too,,,

Undergod

Mammanabammana wrote: »

I know we're only two pages in but I would have thought that this particular performing legend would have been featured already...I have yet to manage to listen to this whole thing all the way through without being in physical pain. Literally. Astounding!

I only ever bother listening as far as the theremin solo at aroudn 2:32, awesome stuff.